December 28, 1994: Since Fat Albert's was on its Christmas break I just stayed home

Thirty years ago today  

            On Wednesday night, since the Fat Albert’s open stage was on its Christmas break I probably just stayed home.

December 27, 1994: We had a good turnout at my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage

Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday night we had a fairly good turnout at my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage considering it was two days after Christmas. The regulars and a few more were there.

December 26, 1994: I felt too sick to not share it at the party

Thirty years ago today 

            On Monday I was sick. I wasn’t going to attend Mary Milne’s party but later on I decided go because I felt too sick to keep it to myself. Tom Smarda, Yuri Kuchinsky, Paul Goldberg, Anna Montedioro and lots of others were there. Mary drove Tom and I home.

Jane Wald

            On Tuesday morning I ran through singing and playing “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. Tomorrow I’ll run through singing and playing my translation.

            I finished working out the chords for “Amour jamais” (“No More Romance”) by Serge Gainsbourg. I ran through singing and playing it in English and French. It’s ready now to be uploaded to my Christian’s Translations blog. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio electric guitar during song practice for the second of two sessions and it still sounded great. 

            I weighed 85.65 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I started packing up my laundry and it was already after 13:00 when I headed for the laundromat. While my stuff was in the wash I went home and shaved. While my things were in the dryer I went home and showered. It was already after 15:00 when I got my clean and dry clothing and bedding home. 

            I weighed 85.45 kilos at 15:30, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since December 13. For a late lunch I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with Dijon, salami, five-year-old cheddar, and a glass of low sugar iced tea. When I got up at 18:00 it was too late to take a bike ride. 

            I weighed 85.7 kilos at 18:15. That’s the most it’s been in the evening since December 16. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:00. 

            I finished frame 9 of my second rainbow wave animation and started on frame 10. 

            I published my Movie Maker project for the acoustic version of my song “Vomit of the Star eater” and uploaded it to You Tube. Next I’ll start a project for my electric version. 

            My daughter received the humidifier that I bought from Best Buy online two weeks ago. I thought for sure that order was lost and so yesterday I bought another and sent it by mail. I think she can use two and so that’s fine. 

            I made pizza on two halves of my last Montreal style bagel with a slice of salami over each hole, Italian sausage pasta sauce, and five-year-old cheddar. I had them with a beer while watching season 1, episodes 25 and 26 of Batman. 

            In episode 25, the Joker robs a furrier shop full of wealthy customers. He has his men fire his trademark confetti at them, wrapping them up in festive ribbons. He uses a magnet to steal the pins from the hair of the wife of Belmont the banker. Commissioner Gordon learns of this and also that Joker has stolen a hole from a golf green. He calls Batman. While Batman is on his way there a package arrives at Gordon’s office. Batman has everyone stand behind the Batshield while he opens it. It is an inflating genie and a recording of Joker’s voice. He tells a joke: “Did you hear what the maid said when the duchess asked her if she’d given the goldfish fresh water? No, he still hasn’t used up the water he had yesterday”. The golf course theft makes Batman think it has something to do with the Maharaja of Nimpa and his solid gold bejewelled gold clubs. He has just arrived today and plans on playing golf with the Gotham mayor at the Winni Coto Country Club. Batman and Robin arrive at the country club and observe the Maharaja’s game from a distance. After he sinks a putt, knockout gas emerges from the hole. The Joker’s men steal the golden clubs and then they steal the maharaja. He is loaded into a van and the Batmobile follows but the van disappears on the golf green. All they find is a toy version of the van and inside is a note from Joker: “Did you hear about the kid who wanted to sell his dog for $50,000? He traded it for two $25,000 cats but you can’t make that deal for the maharaja because we have plenty of cats. Batman thinks it could be the abandoned refinery Katz Katz and Katz. They go there and enter the spooky place. After a while they hear the Joker’s laugh. They see him playing cards with his thugs. They burst in but Joker is protected by impenetrable glass. Batman and Robin are caught off guard and tied up. Joker and his men want to kill the heroes right away but as usual, the girl in the gang, this one is Jill, is sympathetic towards Batman. The female criminals of this fictional universe seem to be inherently good. The Joker agrees to give the dynamic duo a sporting chance. They are placed at the bottom of an oubliette with poison gas rising from below. That’s the cliffhanger. 

            In episode 26, Batman and Robin are at the bottom of a pit with poison gas slowly rising. They press themselves back to back and begin to walk up the side of the wall. I remember being very impressed with this escape when I was eleven and after all these years it’s the one that comes the most to mind when I think of the Batman’s escapes in this TV series. When Joker sees them getting away he and his gang escape as well. Back at the Batcave Batman analyzes the traces of gas from the golf hole and when he finds out what kind of gas it is he says it is only available at the Ferguson Novelty and Magician’s Supply. They go there as Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson. Dick asks the clerk about the sign advertizing a “one way glass reversing refractor”. She explains that it’s a prism, which when placed flush against a one way glass will by refraction enable one to look through the one way glass in the direction opposite to the one for which it was designed. Bruce tries it out on the wall mirror and sees Joker’s men and the maharaja on the other side. Later Batman deduces that the underground prison room must be under the hill behind the Ferguson Building. Batman says that he saw a large grill in the back when he looked through the refractor. He concludes that it is part of the ventilation system. He then calculates where in the hills such a system would end. He then goes there and they slide down the shaft to Joker’s hideout. The big fight occurs while confetti flies everywhere. Joker’s gangsters are beaten but Joker and Jill get away. There is no trace of the maharaja. Batman calls Gordon who has been holding off on notifying Washington about the maharaja’s abduction. He reports that there has yet been a ransom demand. While they are talking the Joker calls and it is arranged for Batman and Joker to talk. Joker puts the maharaja on the line. The maharaja says he will cash the ransom cheque himself for half a million. Batman says he wants no part of it but the Joker tells him that he has to be there to endorse the cheque, otherwise no maharaja. Batman gives in and says he’ll do it the next morning at Gotham City State Bank. The next day the maharaja arrives without the Joker. The money is there and Batman endorses the cheque. Batman wonders why the maharaja is going to give Joker the money even though he is already free. The maharaja says he made a bargain with the Joker and it is a matter of honour to fulfill his part of it. While they are talking, Batman secretly pokes a long dagger into the maharaja’s robes. It goes a long distance before pricking him and suddenly Batman and Robin attack the maharaja and his men and confetti stuffing comes flying out of the maharaja’s robes. Finally it is revealed that the maharaja is really the Joker in disguise and always has been. They have never been seen together. A while ago Batman called Nimpah and found that the real maharaja is on a hunting trip.

            Jill was played by Jane Wald, who studied at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. Her film debut was a small part in What a Way to Go in 1964. She became known as a Hollywood glamour girl and made appearances as eye candy in a few films such as Dear Brigitte and Under the Yum Yum Tree. She did not get a chance to show off any acting talent in any films. She turned Playboy Magazine down three times. In retrospect she regretted not having taken advantage of her body.

December 25, 1994: I gave my daughter a Meccano set but she preferred the Playdough Press

Thirty years ago today 

            On Christmas day I unwrapped my present from Mary Milne and it was a blaster with some blank tapes. I went up to Nancy’s place in the early afternoon. We gradually helped our daughter to open all of her presents. I gave her a Meccano set but her favourite toy was a Playdough Press that made Playdough into spaghetti and other shapes. I bought her some gourmet cookies but she wouldn’t eat any and instead gorged herself on candy. Nancy gave me a Bingo card and I won $3. We watched A Muppet Christmas Carole and Thomas the Tank Engine. I stayed until she was almost asleep. When I left I was feeling sick.

Ann Ayars

            On Monday morning I finished working out the chords for “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. Tomorrow I’ll run through singing and playing it. 

            I worked out the chords for the chorus of “Amour jamais” (“No More Romance”) by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio electric guitar during song practice and it pretty much stayed in tune through the whole session. The action was where it should be and it sounded the best it has for a long time. 

            After song practice I headed down to the Canadian Tire in Uppity Village and found the same model of Honeywell warm mist humidifier that I bought back in the early fall. I bought it and immediately rode to the post office to ask if I could just mail the package without wrapping it. I found out that I could and so I mailed it via express to my daughter Astrid in Montreal. When I got home I found that I’d only been gone for 45 minutes. That was almost as quick as when I bought the humidifier for my daughter at Best Buy online. That product never arrived while there’s a chance the one I mailed will get there tomorrow. 

            I weighed 84.95 kilos before a late breakfast at 12:10. 

            I weighed 85.8 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride but didn’t go all the way downtown. It started snowing as I was climbing Brock Avenue and by the time I got to Bloor and Ossington I figured that if I went downtown there might be enough accumulation for the road to start getting slippery. So I turned south and almost immediately the snow started falling more heavily. I often seem to make the right decision about things like that. 

            I weighed 85.65 kilos at 17:23. 

            I went to bed early last night and so I spent the time before dinner getting caught up on my journal. I was caught up at 20:34. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a slice of pork tenderloin while watching season 1, episodes 23 and 24 of Batman. 

            In episode 23, Madame Soleil’s Wax Museum is about to unveil her latest exhibit, the figure of Batman. But behind the curtain is a wax replica of The Riddler instead, holding a gun. At its feet is a tape recorder that addresses the audience with two riddles: “What is black and white and red all over?” and “What has branches and leaves and no bark?” Then the figure turns from side to side as it shoots a red liquid at the crowd with the gun. Commissioner Gordon calls Batman. Robin figures out the riddles. The answer to the first is a book and the solution to the second is a library. Batman concludes that the Riddler’s plans would need to involve the biggest library in Gotham and so they head there. Meanwhile the Riddler is in his candle factory hideout with his gang: Matches, Tallow and the lovely Moth. Riddler reveals why he stole the mannequin of Batman. It’s because he smuggled inside of it from France the universal solvent, which can eat through anything. With it the Riddler can enter any vault. At the library Riddler places a lighted candle on a book shelf, which lures the guard and when he blows it out the smoke renders him unconscious. The Riddler uses the solvent to break into the library vault where the most priceless books are kept. Batman and Robin enter the building and the librarian guides them to the book vault. Riddler finds the book “The Lost Treasure of the Incas”. Batman and Robin enter the vault and the usual fight takes place with the heroes as usual knocking bad guys into things that are old and valuable. Riddler sprays Batman and Robin’s feet with a glue that sticks them to the floor but then he accidentally sets off the fire alarm and so he can’t stay and take advantage of the immobility of his enemies. Batman uses some kind of heat ray to free their feet. Batman takes a sample of the solvent from the hole in the vault to analyze. The Batcomputer finds sodium, uranium and nitrogen, spelling “sun” so they conclude they need to go to Madame Soleil’s Wax Museum. In the museum the Riddler and his gang are posing as a revolutionary era fife and drum quartet. But Riddler’s fife is a blowgun and Batman and Robin are knocked out. They load the heroes into their van and then Riddler steals the Batmobile. Riddler says there is an ancient riddle inside the book he stole that will lead him to the lost treasure. Back in the candle factory Batman and Robin are suspended over a vat of the universal solvent and slowly lowered to be dissolved. That is the cliffhanger. 

            In episode 24, the Riddler and his gang have to leave the room where Batman and Robin are suspended because the fumes are too much. Once they are alone Batman recognizes a chemical formula written on an open barrel as being explosive. There is a beam of sunlight coming in through a window. As he and Robin are dangling there he spins them both so that his highly polished belt buckle reflects the light into the explosive and causes it to blow up, knocking them free. Riddler calls Commissioner Gordon and leaves him a riddle: “What has four legs, runs day and night but never gets anywhere?” Batman concludes that it’s a reference to the lion fountain outside the Gotham museum. Inside the museum the Riddler is there with his gang in a section where there are several Medieval torture devices. Riddler is looking for an ancient Incan sarcophagus in which is hidden the lost treasure. Batman and Robin arrive at the museum but it is locked. There must be a door somewhere that Riddler dissolved open but they don’t think of that. There is an upper window but it’s too small for Batman. Robin climbs up to get in with the intention of coming downstairs to open the door for Batman. But Matches and Tallow attack and Robin can’t fight both of them, so he is captured. Batman breaks in the back shipping door of the museum with a battering ram on the front of the Batmobile. Robin is tied to the Medieval rack. Riddler finds the sarcophagus and begins applying the universal solvent to break it open. Exposing it to air will destroy the mummy but Riddler only cares about the treasure. Batman arrives and the big sound effect fight ensues. One by one Batman traps each member of the gang in a Medieval torture device. Riddler is attached to the wheel while Batman lectures him about becoming a respected citizen. Batman puts out the candle before it can finish heating the solvent enough to open the sarcophagus. 

            Madame Soleil was played by Ann Ayars, who was the star soprano for the New York City Opera from 1943. She starred in the film Fiesta. She co-starred in Dr. Kildare’s Victory, Apache Trail, and Nazi Agent. She sang and acted the part of Antonia in the 1951 British film The Tales of Hoffman. She taught voice and piano at the Mount San Jocinto College in California from 1968 to 1987 and staged 19 full length operas there. She was made a professor emeritus.

December 24, 1994: My daughter and her mother spent Christmas Eve with me

Thirty years ago today

            On Saturday evening Nancy brought our daughter over and the three of us spent Christmas Eve together. I ordered pizza. Astrid had a cold and didn’t want to spend the night.