November 21, 1995: I hosted my writers open stage as usual

Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel.

Al Lewis

            On Wednesday morning I translated the eighth verse of “Au revoir mon enfance” (Goodbye My Childhood) by Boris Vian. There’s only one left so I should have it done on Thursday. 

            I continued to collect images for a photo video of the song “Le rent' dedans” (The Pick-Up) by Serge Gainsbourg to upload to YouTube. I now have eleven and I think I need about fifty. 

            I weighed 88.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice for the first of two sessions. It was very hot even after I switched the heat off and I had both living room windows wide open. 

            Around midday I applied painter’s tape to the area around the bathroom fan and then to the edges of the top of the upper shelves where they meet the wall. I taped most of the edges of underside of the upper shelves where they meet the wall but it was tricky figuring where to place the tape for the bend in the shelf brackets. I thought I would have the taping finished today and start painting on Friday but I still need to finish taping the underside of the upper shelf, the edge of the top and bottom of the lower shelf where it meets the wall, and maybe the outer edge of the bathroom door frame. I think I’ll be able to start painting the walls on Sunday, apply the second coat on Tuesday, and pull the tape off and do touch-ups on Wednesday. After that I’ll need to buy the shelf paint, which will be a different colour than the ceiling and walls. 

            I weighed 89.15 kilos before lunch. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of iced tea. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Queen Fresh to buy two baskets of raspberries. 

            I weighed 88.85 kilos at 18:30. 

            I almost forgot to buy beer but made it out to get a six-pack of Creemore. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:20. 

            I reviewed my last digitization of the cassette recording of my rehearsal with Brian Haddon. This one still skips but it’s fairly clean. I started listening to my cassette “Best Songs #2”, which is a mixed tape I made of the next best songs after the 14 I listed in “Best Songs 1”. I’ll copy the list tomorrow.

            I compared the song practice video of my acoustic performance of “Leave Some for Everyone Else” on October 14, 2024 to that of October 8 of that year and October 8 is the winner. If I upload an acoustic version of this song to YouTube it’ll be the one from October 8, which would be easy because that session is already a Movie Maker project. 

            I compared my electric performance of “Laisses-en un peu pour les autres” on September 23, 2024 to that of September 29 of the same year and although September 29 sounds a bit cleaner, September 23 is a better looking video. There’s one session left to compare. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara sauce, tomato pesto, wedge fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 1, episode 5 of Car 54 Where Are you? 

            Mrs. Bronson is the only tenant left in a condemned building. People from the city keep coming to serve her notices and she keeps serving them tea and cake. She continues to complain that the landlord never does anything for the building while the city officials keep trying to tell her that there is no landlord because the city now owns her building. The city calls the Highway Commission but their rep fails; the highway commission calls Public Works but their man gets nothing but cake. Finally the police are called and Toody and Muldoon go there. Toody gives her a dispossess, an eviction order, a building code violation, a court order to quit premises, and a removal of public nuisance order. She collects them all and has a place for every one. While Toody enjoys cake, Muldoon tries very hard to convince her to move out. The building is standing in the way of the new approach to the George Washington Bridge. She says it’s just because some guy in Bermuda shorts wants to save ten minutes to get to New Jersey and play golf that she has to move from her home of 40 years. She says let him get up ten minutes earlier. She finds out Muldoon isn’t married and says better he should think of an approach to a nice girl than an approach to a bridge. Muldoon gives her a sheriff’s order and she files that as well. He warns her the sheriff is going to throw her out. She says she knows it’s an election year and they won’t put a grandmother on the street. They end up fixing her sink. She finally says maybe she’ll say maybe she’ll move. Toody and Muldoon go back to Captain Block and he says he'll handle it but ends up fixing her doorbell. They send Miss Henderson from the health department but Bronson says she’s found in her a girl for Muldoon. Toody and Muldoon come back to Bronson and she says she doesn’t have time to look for a place what with baking cakes and making tea for city officials. Finally Al Spencer the man in charge of demolishing her building moves in and rents a room from her. He says he thinks her building will be the last one standing in New York and so he feels secure. Bronson confesses that she doesn’t move because of Queenie her dog. She always goes away for exactly three months and now it’s only been two and a half weeks. She doesn’t want Queenie to come home and not find her there. Muldoon decides they are going to find Queenie. She gives them a picture of the shaggy dog and they look all over town. Finally they give up and return to the station only to see an identical dog sitting with a little boy in the police station. They call, “Queenie” and it comes to them but the boy calls “Prince” and it comes to him. The boy’s grandfather says he has the dog’s papers but says Prince has a strange habit of running away from home for three months at a time. Muldoon learns the grandfather has a room for rent and arrangements are made. Mrs. Bronson and the grandfather are thinking of getting married. 

            Al Spencer was played by Al Lewis, who was a circus performer before earning a PHD in Child Psychology. That’s what he said but Columbia University has no record of him earning such a degree and there is no record anywhere of even a high school diploma. He taught school and wrote two children’s books (which among many other claims may also be false) before joining the Paul Mann Actors Workshop in New York. He performed in burlesque, vaudeville and finally Broadway. His film debut was in Lust of the Vampire. His TV debut was in The Big Story. After this guest spot on Car 54 Where Are You?, he eventually returned as Officer Leo Schnauser. Then he played Grandpa Sam Dracula on the Munsters. He co-starred in Pretty Boy Floyd. From 1987 to 1989 he hosted Super Scary Saturday on TBS in his grandpa Dracula costume. He starred in the video game Midnight Mutants in the same costume. He opened a restaurant called Grampa’s in Greenwich Village. In 1998 he was the Green Party candidate for governor of New York. In 2003 he had to have his right leg amputated.

November 20, 1995: Angeline hit me when I told the audience she was good in bed

Thirty years ago today

             On Monday night I posed from 19:00 to 22:00 in studio 357 at the Ontario College of Art. 

I screwed up when I posted the following as it didn'7 occur on November 20, 1995 but rather December 20, 1995. I'll post it again in a month. 

Thirty years ago December 20

            On Monday night I hosted an event at the 360 Club on Queen West. On the poster I made it said “Christian and the Lions with Guests The Unconscious Collective. The Unconscious Collective was my name for the collective of poets who frequented my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy Writers open stage. Leading up to the event I had rehearsed a song with Nedra Rodrigo and during one of our practices I told her I had strong feelings for her and presented her with a poem. It was an awkward moment because she didn’t feel the same way. Anyway we performed on stage that night. I performed but I don’t remember if my band was there. I had also invited my ex-girlfriend Angeline to perform and when I introduced her I said, “She’s a great poet, a great painter, and she’s not bad in the sack either”. I think Nedra and a female poet from Mexico gasped. When Angeline came to the stage she slapped me. After she performed she walked over to my table and hit me hard several times. Some people can’t take a compliment. Later a beautiful woman of South Asian descent approached me and said she would have taken it as a compliment. Peter Fruchter criticized me and said saying something like that is advertizing a woman’s sexuality and setting her up. I doubt it and when I told him about the beautiful woman he said he knew her and suggested there was something wrong with her. Talk about gaslighting people you disagree with! Nedra distanced herself from me after that event. I still see nothing wrong with telling people someone is good in bed. Besides, I was just being generous. She wasn’t really that good.

Fred Gwynne

            On Tuesday morning I translated the sixth and seventh verses of “Au revoir mon enfance” (Goodbye My Childhood) by Boris Vian. 

            I continued to collect images for a photo video of the song “Le rent' dedans” (The Pick-Up) by Serge Gainsbourg to upload to YouTube but so far I only have three. 

            I weighed 88.65 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my old Epi acoustic during song practice for the last of two sessions. Tomorrow I’ll start a two session stretch of playing my Kramer electric. 

            Around midday I applied painter’s tape to the edges of the bathroom ceiling in preparation for painting the walls. For some unknown reason the tape didn’t stick very well to the west side of the ceiling and kept falling off. I kept pressing it back and it seems to be okay now but when I pressed some of the tape it wasn’t lined up like before. Tomorrow I’ll try to fix it and then I’ll apply more tape to the edges of the shelves. My plan is to start painting the walls on Friday. If I manage to get one coat everywhere then I’ll finish with the second coat on Sunday. 

            I weighed 88.3 kilos before lunch, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since October 29. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 88.75 kilos at 18:00. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:55. 

            I re-digitized the cassette of my rehearsal with Brian Haddon because there was skipping on the first one but there is a lot of static so I’ll have to do it a third time to see if it’s cleaner. I think I might need a better converter. There seems to be less static depending how I set the converter down. I tried it upright rather than lying on its side and it sounds better. 

            I compared the video of my October 13, 2024 acoustic song practice performance of “Laisses-en un peu pour les autres” to that of September 9 of the same year. If I upload an acoustic version of that song to YouTube it will be the one from September 9. 

            I compared the videos of my song practice performances of “Leave Some for Everyone Else” on September 4 and 16 of 2024 and found September 4 to look better, plus I look more relaxed. I compared September 22 to September 4 and September 4 looks better. I compared September 26 to September 4 and it was close but September 4 is still ahead. I compared September 28 to September 4 and found September 4 is still the best. I compared October 2 to September 4 and September 4 stayed on top. I compared October 8 to September 4 and it was a tight race but we have a new winner in October 8. There is one left to compare. 

            I had two small potatoes with gravy and a chicken breast while watching season 1, episode 4 of Car 54 Where Are You?. 

            Police headquarters has learned that the average duration of a patrol car partnership in New York is 16 months but at the 53rd precinct in The Bronx there is a team that has been together for nine years. The chief of police wonders if it’s an error and calls the 53rd to find that the partners in car 54 have indeed been together for nine years. He tells Captain Block he’s coming to investigate and Block thinks there’s something wrong so he tries to convince Toody and Muldoon to change partners. They insist on staying together but Block’s suggestion has made each partner think that maybe the other has secretly put in for a transfer and so they begin to resent each other and argue. But when Block learns that Chief Bradley wants to find out how to copy the formula of Toody and Muldoon’s long partnership he tells them and they are relieved. Then Bradley interviews Toody and Muldoon separately to ask if there’s anything that bothers each officer about the other. When pressed Toody says Muldoon has a habit of pulling on his ear; and Muldoon says Toody is always saying “ooh ooh!” These things never really bothered them but now that they have been brought to the surface they begin to annoy them and they start to argue until they each want a transfer. They are each given new partners that keep quitting because no one can stand that Toody never shuts up and it drives Muldoon’s partners nuts that he never speaks. Finally Captain Block decides they’ve got to get Toody and Muldoon back together because they are the only ones that can stand each other. So when there is a traffic accident the two cars that Toody and Muldoon are in plus car 54 are called. While Toody is interviewing one driver and Muldoon the other, the two other patrol cars sneak away, leaving Toody and Muldoon with car 54. They get in and within seconds Toody is singing “Beautiful Dreamer” while Muldoon sings the bass, and they are happily together again. 

            Muldoon was played by Fred Gwynne, who attended an exclusive prep school where he first began acting in Shakespeare plays. He attended Harvard and was president of and cartoonist for the Harvard Lampoon. He performed in the Hasty Pudding Club drag reviews of 1949 and 1950. After graduating in 1951 he worked in New York as a musician, a copywriter and a commercial artist. He created the first cereal mascot: Sunny Jim for Force cereal. He made his Broadway debut in “Mrs. McThing” in 1952. His TV debut was in The Repertory Theatre in 1952. His film debut was in 1954 as a thug in On The Waterfront. He played Private Honigan on The Phil Silvers Show. He published “Best In Show” in 1958. After car 54 Where Are you? He was cast as Herman Munster in The Munsters, which also lasted two seasons. After that, in order to avoid type casting as Herman Munster he returned to the theatre. In 1981 he was asked to reprise the role of Herman Munster for a TV movie but he didn’t want to do it. His wife suggested he turn them down by asking for a large paycheque but they accepted his fee. He also performed in 83 episodes of CBS Radio Mystery Theatre. He co-starred in Pet Sematary, and My Cousin Vinny. He avoided Hollywood and lived a quiet life in Bedford, New York and Taneytown, Maryland. He wrote and illustrated The King Who Rained, A Chocolate Moose for Dinner, and A Little Pigeon Toad.

November 19, 1995: My daughter's grandparents dropped her off on their way to church

Thirty years ago today   

            On Sunday my daughter’s grandparents probably dropped her off at my place on the way to church. Her mother would have picked her up later.

Joe E. Ross

            On Monday morning I translated the fifth verse of “Au revoir mon enfance” (Goodbye My Childhood) by Boris Vian.

            I ran through singing and playing “Give My Tree a Shake”, my translation of “Le rent' dedans” by Serge Gainsbourg. I started collecting images for a photo video of the song to upload to YouTube, but I only have one so far. 

            I weighed 89.15 kilos before breakfast. 

            During song practice I played my old Epi acoustic for the first time since Alex Wood refurbished it. It stayed in tune pretty well most of the time but I played it more softly because it’s a louder guitar. I’ll play it again tomorrow. 

            I mailed a letter to my upstairs neighbour Jacob: 

November 16, 2025 

            Dear Jacob, 

            On November 12 at around 11:30 you banged on my door and began shouting that I was “singing about rape and being a paedophile”. I have no idea what song you imagine is about those things. I have written hundreds of songs and can think of multiple interpretations for each of them but never in my life have I ever seen any of them as being about rape or paedophilia. The fact that you zeroed in on such an interpretation says more about you than it does about me. In your own mind you have the right to fantasize any reality you please but you do not have the right to shout in the hallway of our building the false accusation that I have an association with paedophilia. Our third floor neighbour David in unit 7 heard you and that means that every tenant on the second floor probably heard you as well. You should be aware just how damaging and hurtful such a public accusation can be, especially for someone like myself who has raised a child in this very building. 

            In order to avoid the expense and embarrassment of trying to prove the impossible in court, you need to apologize to me. You also need to address the other five tenants in our building to inform them that you did not actually hear me “singing about rape and being a paedophile” but that you merely interpreted some lyrics that I sang as having that meaning. Additionally you must follow up your email complaint about me to the landlord with a similar clarification. 

            Sincerely, 

            Christian Christian 

            I worked on my Monsters Movie Maker project, edited from the documentary It Came from Hollywood. 

            I weighed 89.9 kilos before lunch. 

            In the after noon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco to buy grapes. I got seven bags of red grapes and price matched them to the Food Basics price of $3.28 a kilo. I also bought some honey. 

            I weighed 89.3 kilos at 18:25. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:05. 

            I finished listening to the cassette of my rehearsal with Brian Haddon. I digitized the cassette but it only copied the other side which had the recording of the older Christian and the Lions rehearsal with Steve, Tom, Arjan and Jim Bravo. So I fast forwarded the tape and flipped it then digitized the other side. 

            I compared the videos of my acoustic song practice performances of “Laisses-en un peu pour les autres” on September 3, 2024 and September 9. September 9 is a better video and I played the song better in that session. I compared September 11 to September 9 and they are close but I think September 9 has a better video. I compared September 15 to September 9 and September 9 still stands as the better video. I compared September 21 to September 9 and September 9 looks better. I compared September 25 to September 9 and I still find September 9 looks the best. I compared September 27 to September 9 and September 9 is still ahead. There’s only one more to compare. 

            I made a new batch of gravy with roast chicken drippings and had some with two small potatoes and a chicken leg while watching season 1, episode 3 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Back Door Bennie has just gotten out of prison after 20 years and he comes to the station to see Toody. The officers all think he might be there for revenge but when Toody arrives he and Bennie erase. Toody promised Bennie twenty years ago that when he got out he could stay with him. He takes him home and at first Lucille says no but then her heart goes out to Bennie when she looks at his sad puppy dog face. They try to make him feel at home but he is so used to Sing Sing that his face twitches when confronted by normalcy. They make the Toody home as much like a prison as possible and for his first dinner in freedom they invite several friends and have the supper to be served like in prison. They make his bedroom as much like a cell as possible. The next day they help him get a job for a piano company picking up the payroll from the bank. Everyone is worried Bennie will be too tempted and so the entire precinct follows his route to and from the bank by car, motorcycle, horse, and helicopter. After three weeks they try to get Bennie to do something alone like go out for pizza and a movie. Hours later they get word that Bennie was arrested but it was only because Bennie lied hat he was part of a clothing stealing gang. Bennie misses prison because his garden is there, plus the weekly bridge game and the baseball match. They say he has to commit a crime and they won’t let him but he shows he’s already stolen the chief’s watch. 

            Toody was played by Joe E. Ross, who dropped out of high school to become a singing waiter in a speakeasy. The gangsters who ran the place put him on stage to tell rude jokes. He emceed and did blue comedy in burlesque clubs. His first uncredited film debut was in Sound of Fury in 1950. He made his TV debut in The Colgate Comedy Hour. He formed a comedy team with Dave Starr. They made their film debut in Teaserama starring Betty Page and Vicki Lynn in 1955. He co-starred in Hear Me Good, Maracaibo, and Judy’s Little No No. He co-starred on The Phil Silvers Show after being discovered by Silvers. His catchphrase of “ooh ooh” developed from a pause he used to help him remember his lines. He played Gronk in the sitcom It’s About Time. He formed a comedy team with Steve Rossi that only lasted a few months but they did appear on Ed Sullivan. He recorded an album called Love Songs from a Cop. He couldn’t remember if he was married 8 or 11 times.

November 18, 1995: I spent the day with my daughter

Thirty years ago today

            I spent Saturday with my daughter.