Jay Robinson

            On Tuesday morning I finished translating “D’où reviens-tu Billy Boy?” (a translation by Boris Vian of “Where Have You Been Billy Boy?). 

            I ran through singing and playing “Un amour peut en cacher un autre” (One Love Can Serve to Cover Another) by Serge Gainsbourg in French and English. I uploaded it to my Christian’s Translations blog and began the editing process to prepare it for publication. I should have it posted tomorrow and then I’ll move on to learning the next of his songs. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice. Tomorrow I’ll begin a four session stretch of playing my electric guitars. 

            I weighed 88.1 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since last Tuesday. 

            Around midday sanded the tops of the upper shelves I built in the north east corner of my bathroom. Next I’ll start sanding the upper part of the north wall. 

            I weighed 88.1 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 87.75 kilos at 17:45. That’s the most I’ve tipped the scales in the evening since July 22. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:30. 

            I listened again to the videos of my song practice performances of “Baby Pop” on August 27 and September 6 of last year and I think August 27 is better. So that’s the take I’ll upload to YouTube. I compared my performances of “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” on August 10 and 16 of last year. I think August 16 looks better. I compared August 22 to August 16 and perceived there’s a richer colour to August 16. I compared August 26 to August 16 and concluded that August 16 is more dynamic. There are two more to compare.

            I took my camera and tripod out to look for people to record for my video project. I walked to Sorauren and then east to Elm Grove, then home. 

            When I started making dinner the water was turned off, I guess because someone was finally down in the basement fixing the water heater after three days of the tenants living with only cold water. I needed to cook a potato and so fortunately I’d had a couple of bottles of spring water in the fridge for at least a year. That wasn’t enough and so I used half the water from a salad bowl that I’d had cherries in. I used the rest of the cherry water to wash the potato. There was enough water in the kettle to make a cup of tea too. I looked outside and saw the landlord and the handyman Yogi unloading a new water heater from a pickup truck. My next door neighbour Benji follows the landlord around like a dog. 

            I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 6, episodes 3 and 4 of Bewitched. 

            In the first story Samantha needs to make lunch but then Tabitha spills milk on her dress. Samantha summons her part time maid, the failing witch Esmerelda. She asks her to make a Caesar salad but of course she accidentally conjures Julias Caesar. Darrin’s boss Larry is having a last minute party at his house for the prospective client Evelyn Charday to promote her men’s cologne Top Tiger. He gives Darrin a bottle of Charday Lizard Oil and says for him to make sure that Samantha pretends to be crazy about it. While Samantha is waiting for Esmerelda to remember her spell to send Caesar back she shows Caesar what the history books say about him. But he takes offense when the book describes him as the “dictator” of Rome. He asks where he can get this falsehood eradicated from the history books. Samantha tells him, “You can’t fight city hall” and so he thinks that’s the place he needs to go. Esmerelda tells him he can take a taxi and so he leaves. She somehow thinks she’s done the right thing since Samantha and Darrin wanted her to get rid of Caesar. Meanwhile Larry announces that Charday has to come for dinner tonight at Darrin’s place because Larry’s wife Louise didn’t expect him back from Chicago today. Samantha goes looking for Caesar who has just arrived at city hall where a protest march is going on, mostly against war. He pays the cabby in Roman coins. The cabby protests until he learns they are solid gold. The hippies see Caesar as a hippy with authority and follow him but the cops won’t let Caesar in. He’s about to be arrested when Samantha arrives and indirectly gives the impression that Caesar is someone who thinks he’s Caesar and that she is an official from a mental hospital. Esmerelda has a spell that can send Caesar back but it doesn’t work because he doesn’t want to go until he has corrected how he is maligned in the history books. Meanwhile Larry and Charday arrive. Samantha figures they have to make Caesar want to go back. She conjures Cleopatra and she and Caesar are very glad to see each other. Now the spell will work but before Esmerelda can cast it Larry and Charday walk in. Charday thinks this is a surprise for her and Darrin ad libs that this is the first of a series of ads depicting the great romances of history and promoting Top Tiger cologne. Darrin says the slogan is that Top Tiger cologne is the reason Cleopatra let Julias cease her. Charday loves it. When everyone leaves, Esmerelda sends Caesar and Cleopatra back. 

            

            Caesar was played by Jay Robinson, who trained in summer stock and in repertory theatres and eventually made it to Broadway. He made his film debut as Caligula in The Robe. He played Caligula again in Demetrius and the Gladiators. He became a diva and a drug addict. After being arrested for possession of methadone and being sentenced to a year in prison, his acting career was damaged. When he started getting work again his career was again interrupted by another stint in jail. He starting making guest appearances on television in the late 60s. Bette Davis helped to save him by insisting that he co-star in Bunny O’Hare. She wrote the intro to his autobiography The Comeback. He played Dr. Shrinker in 16 episodes of The Krofft Super Show. He was the host of Beyond Bizarre. He played Elaan of Troyius in an episode of Star Trek. He played Monty Dolan on Days of Our Lives. 

            The water was running after dinner but it was still cold. An hour or so later we had hot water again. 

            In the second story Samantha starts having food cravings and the food appears as soon as she thinks of it without her casting a spell. Endora says what she craved when she was pregnant were hummingbird wings. Dr. Bombay is summoned and he protests because he was interrupted from climbing the Matterhorn and was about to plunge his pennant in the peak. He makes some dramatic gestures while shaking a tambourine then admits it doesn’t do anything but he loves the sound. He blows some powder in Samantha’s face and it seems to cure her. But later when she is craving a corned beef sandwich she disappears and ends up at a deli. The spell has only been reversed and now the food doesn’t come to Samantha but she goes to the food. When she gets back she feels like she is going into labour and so they head for the hospital. It’s not really likely since she only looks about six months pregnant. On the way to the hospital Darrin is speeding and is stopped by a cop. Darrin explains that his wife is having a baby but Samantha has already disappeared and gone to Shea Stadium to get a hot dog. At the hospital Bombay comes again dressed as a surgeon. He blows some other powder and this cures her. It also turns out that Samantha only went into false labour.

July 31, 1994: My daughter and I went to the Beaches Jazz Festival

Thirty years ago today 

            On Sunday I think I still had my daughter with me. We checked out the Beaches Jazz Festival in Kew Gardens again.

Deacon Jones

            On Monday morning it was the beginning of the twelfth year of this journal. I translated the second verse of “D’où reviens-tu Billy Boy?” (a translation by Boris Vian of “Where Have You Been Billy Boy?): 

Oh oh where have you been Billie boo Billie boo? 

Oh where have you been Billie boo? 

Oh oh where have you been Billie boo Billie boo? 

Oh where have you been Billie boo? 

I went for a promenade in the grove with Maybelline 

She wanted to pick an apple from the tree 

To avoid her getting fatigued from stretching 

I chopped down the apple tree and then gifted her thirteen 

            I finished working out the chords for “Un amour peut en cacher un autre” (One Love Can Serve to Cover Another) by Serge Gainsbourg. Tomorrow I’ll run through singing and playing it in English and French before uploading it to my Christian’s Translations blog. 

            We haven’t had hot water since Saturday morning so I had to take a very uncomfortable and as quick as possible cold shower. I turned the water on enough to wet my hair, then off to apply the shampoo, then rinsed, then conditioner, then wetting the soap, turned it off to soap my body, then on to rinse my hair and body. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the first of two sessions. 

            I weighed 87.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            At 11:15 I rode my bike up to Top Cuts at Yonge and St. Clair. They were busy and so I had to wait for Amy about half an hour. I finished reading the prologue of Marshal McLuhan’s Guttenberg Galaxy. I was scheduled to meet Brian Haddon out front at 13:00 and I think he only had to wait five minutes. We walked down to The Quail in Rosedale and sat on the patio, We shared a pitcher of Creemore and both had the fish and chips. It was very satisfying. He gave me a book he made of the six songs he wrote when we were making music together in the late 1990s. I told him the most worn out book I have is the book of guitar chords that he gave me about twenty five years ago. We were there for about three hours chatting about movies, TV shows, music and various other topics. We’ve arranged to meet again around Queen and Spadina at the end of August and to just wander around until we find a place to have lunch. 

            When I got home I took a late siesta and got up at 18:35.

            I went out and took a walk to Sorauren, then east to Elm Grove, then home. Still no sign of Whispering Ghost with Wings of Silver. I’m still hoping to reshoot that video of him for my project. 

            I weighed 86.55 kilos at 19:30, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since May 7. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 20:41. 

            I compared the videos of my song practice performances of “Baby Pop” on August 9 and 15 of 2023. I think the August 9 video looks a little better. I compared August 27 to August 9 and I think the latter looks a bit better, plus I like my sly expression at the end. I compared September 6 to August 27 but I think I need to listen to and watch them both again to make a decision. 

            I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching the first two episodes of season 6 of Bewitched. 

            In the first story Tabitha overhears her mother and father discussing names for the upcoming baby. Samantha suggests Darrin will be disappointed if it isn’t a boy. She says all men want a little boy. Tabitha asks, “Don’t you like little girls anymore?” They try to convince her otherwise but she walks away unsatisfied. She goes to her room and brings to life Jack from Jack in the Beanstalk. He says she shouldn’t have done that and concludes girls are dumb. Tabitha says maybe her parents want a boy because they’re smarter. Jack says boys aren’t so smart and then tells her about his stupid move of trading the family cow for a handful of magic beans. Tabitha asks if he has a daddy and he says no. She says he can have hers and leaves him to take her place while she goes into the storybook and climbs the beanstalk. Samantha finds Jack in Tabitha’s bed and learns where Tabitha went. She goes into the book after her. She climbs the beanstalk and meets the giant’s complaining wife who is not a giant. Samantha heads for the castle. Meanwhile Tabitha is already at the castle and knocking. She asks the guard if she can see the giant. He says no and so she puts him to sleep. She introduces herself to the giant but he says there’s no Tabitha in this story. She says she ran away from home. He says he doesn’t adopt children and only eats them. She asks if they are delicious. He says they can be. She asks if he is going to eat her. He asks if she’s a nut. She says you don’t like me either. He says, “I’m a Medieval giant. I don’t like anybody”. She says her mother says she’s sugar and spice. He says, “You’re making my mouth water! But I’m only allowed to eat storybook children”. He tells her to get lost but she says she is lost. Meanwhile Darrin asks Endora if she isn’t concerned about her daughter and granddaughter being in a storybook. She says she used to zap herself into Shakespeare plays all the time. When Samantha knocks on the giant’s door the guard tells her she should be ashamed to raise such a wicked child. Samantha discovers that Tabitha has turned the chicken that lays golden eggs to an ordinary chicken, she’s made the magic harp play rock and roll and she shrunk the giant down to the size of a doll. Tabitha appears in handcuffs but only because she thinks they are fun. Samantha makes Tabitha change everything back. 

            In the second story Endora hires a maid named Esmerelda for Samantha. Esmerelda has lost most of her powers. Samantha admits they need extra help. Esmerelda arrives but she is invisible because she vanishes when she feels insecure. Samantha asks her if she has had experience and she says no because she’s never been married. She says she worked as a maid for Henry VIII. Esmerelda’s witchcraft acts up when she sneezes and she never knows what the spell will be but the spells don’t last. She says one day the king tried to kiss her but she sneezed and it took two days to find him. She then sneezes and a unicorn appears in the back yard. Meanwhile Darrin is at work when the client Mr. Hampton comes by. He wants to see the campaign layouts but Darrin says they’re at home. Larry says they’ll look for them there. When they see the unicorn Darrin says that was meant to be a surprise for Hampton because the Unicorn is his idea for a name for the new car his company has developed. Hampton loves it. Later Samantha decides not to keep Esmerelda full time. She’s agreed to be a yoohoo maid. She’ll appear when she’s called. She demonstrates but then Esmerelda sneezes and an elephant appears in Tabitha’s room. So far I don’t like Dick Sargent’s acting as Darrin compared to Dick York. York had a much more expressive face. 

            The giant’s palace guard was played by football star Deacon Jones. He was a defensive end for the LA Rams and a member of football’s Fearsome Foursome with Lamar Lundy, Merlin Olsen and Roosevelt Grier. He played for the Rams from 1961 to 1971. He became a radio sports broadcaster and formed the Deacon Jones Foundation to help out poor students who volunteer in their communities. He made several small guest roles on TV shows. He’s considered to be one of the greatest defensive players of all time. In his early days of football he was also a singer for the band Nightshift, which later became War. He was the inspiration for the Steely Dan song Deacon Blues.

July 30, 1994: I danced with my daughter at the jazz festival

Thirty years ago today 

            On Saturday I think I had my daughter with me and I think we would have gone down to Kew gardens to dance to live music at the Beaches Jazz Festival.

Thomas Gomez

            On Sunday morning I translated the chorus and the first verse of “D’où reviens-tu Billy Boy?” (a translation by Boris Vian of “Where Have You Been Billy Boy?). I decided to make it gender neutral:

Where have you been Billie boo Billie boo? 

Oh where have you been Billie boo? 

Oh oh where have you been Billie boo Billie boo? 

Oh where have you been Billie boo?

I had a little playdate with thirty two sweet things 

and I took every one of them dancing 

All night long they had my full attention

and when the sun had ascension

they were drunk with exhaustion 

            I searched for the chords for “Un amour peut en cacher un autre” (One Love Can Serve to Cover Another) by Serge Gainsbourg but no one had posted them. I worked them out for three fourths of the first verse, which is really most of the song so I might have it all done tomorrow. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul during song practice. 

            I weighed 87.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I sanded the upper right half of the eastern wall of my bathroom. All the time I was working my neighbour Benji was banging on his wall. I assume it was some form of primitive communication. If I asked the landlord to do the work it would be a hell of a lot louder because it wouldn’t be done by hand and the landlord tends to do his renovations late at night. I never complained when the landlord fixed up Benji’s place. 

            I weighed 88.5 kilos before lunch, which is the heaviest I’ve been at midday since July 17. 

            I had Breton crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea.

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 17:45. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:25. 

            I reviewed the videos of my song practice performances of “Baby Pop” and “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” from September 4 to 14 of last year. On September 4 and 14 I played “Baby Pop” on my Kramer electric guitar. On September 4 the take at 12:00 in part B was okay and looked good. On September 14 the take at 11:30 in part B was okay but the guitar didn’t sound great. On September 6 and 12 I played it on my Martin acoustic guitar. On September 6 the take at 12:15 in part B was pretty good and this date is already a project in Movie Maker. On September 12 the take at 6:45 in part B was okay but the light was bad. Now there are fourteen takes to re-review.

            I made pizza on my last roti with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching the last two episodes from season 5 of Bewitched.

            Samantha’s trickster cousin Henry, who is Uncle Arthur’s child, pops in just as Samantha is getting ready to go shopping for dresses for Tabitha. Then Endora also comes to visit and both she and Henry decide to accompany Samantha and Tabitha. They all go to Hinkley’s Department store where they are served by Joseph Hinkley Jr., who is the son of the owner Joseph Hinkley Sr. Joseph Jr. has just graduated from business college and now he’s starting out in sales. He is so desperate to please his already disappointed father that he comes on too strong in trying to make a sale to Henry. This results in Henry turning him into a mannequin. Samantha threatens Henry and Endora insults him, resulting in him disappearing. Endora finds him on the moon but he leaves before Endora can persuade him to return to Hinkley’s. Meanwhile two workmen come and take all the mannequins the basement. Samantha takes Joseph Jr. home. Tabitha remembers the hand gestures that Henry used when he cast his spell and so Endora uses them to change him back. Samantha wipes Joseph Jr.’s memory of recent events and returns him to the store where she shows Joseph Sr. several packages of items that she says Joseph Jr. sold her. The father is impressed. 

            In the second story a campaign designed by Darrin may land the Bueno soft drink account and earn him a trip to Mexico City. the Bueno ad exec Carlos Aragon is impressed with Darrin’s work but Larry Tate decides to be the one to present the campaign to the company president Raul Garcia in Mexico. Darrin and Samantha both feel ripped off and so she pops down to Mexico to sabotage Larry’s speech to Garcia, making him insult Mexico. Aragon suggests he save the campaign by bringing Darrin down so Darrin and Samantha get to go after all. Darrin is told that he should be able to speak some Spanish to Garcia and so he desperately crams on the way down. Endora tries to help by casting a spell that is supposed to cause Darrin’s fear to disappear when he speaks Spanish, but the result is that Darrin disappears whenever he speaks Spanish. During the first meeting Darrin can’t even name the product because it’s Spanish and so he suggests that Garcia change the name to Zap for the US market. Samantha gets Endora to reverse the spell but it results in Darrin disappearing whenever he speaks English. During Darrin’s formal speech at the dinner he is expected to speak both Spanish and English so Samantha is there to cast a translation spell whenever Darrin turns to address the left side of the audience so that they hear it in English even though Darrin is still speaking Spanish. Garcia is impressed with Darrin’s language switching and he wins the account. This was Dick York’s final appearance as Darrin, as his chronic back pain made it impossible for him to continue. He was replaced by Dick Sargent for the last three years of the series. 

            Garcia was played by Thomas Gomez, who answered a help wanted ad for a theatre group after graduating from high school. He had not even taken any drama classes prior to this. He toured the country with the troupe and gained experience. Then he focused on working in New York theatre. His film debut was a credited role in Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror. He served on the board of directors for the Screen Actors Guild for 40 years. He played mostly supporting roles in his film career but on Broadway he was a star. He was the first Spanish American to be nominated for an Academy Award. This was for his part in Ride the Pink Horse.

July 29, 1994: I turned poems into songs

Thirty years ago today 

            On Friday I spent the day writing and turning poems into songs.

Janine Gray

            On Saturday morning I started translating “D’où reviens-tu Billy Boy?” (a translation by Vian of “Where Have You Been Billy Boy?). 

            I finished memorizing “Un amour peut en cacher un autre” (One Love Can Serve to Cover Another) by Serge Gainsbourg. Tomorrow I’ll look for the chords but I doubt that anyone has posted them, so I’ll start working them out. 

            I put the new guitar strap on the Gibson and started playing it during song practice. Now each electric has its own strap and I don’t have to switch back and forth. But during the first song I broke my B string and had to switch to playing the Kramer. Since I bought the Gibson I’ve broken the high E, the A and now the B. Gian from L’il Demon guitars says the strings were wound wrong causing tension. So far none of the new ones have broken and so he may be right.

            Around midday I hitched my bike trailer and headed out to the supermarket. On the way I stopped at Vina Pharmacy to order a renewal of my Betaderm prescription. At No Frills the cherries were only slightly more expensive than at Freshco and so I didn’t bother going through the hassle of looking for a Freshco flyer on my phone to do a price match. I got five bags of cherries, a watermelon, bananas, Bavarian sandwich bread, mouthwash, Basilica sauce, a jug of low sugar iced tea, skyr, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s chips. 

            I had pita crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea for lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 88.15 kilos at 17:30, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since July 14. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:10. 

            I took my camera and tripod out to look for people to put on video for my project. I walked to Sorauren and then east to Elm Grove. I bought two packs of raspberries at the Queen Fresh Market and took them home. Then I went back out again and took another trip to Sorauren and back. A short and very hairy man who I see hanging around and ranting in front of Tim Hortons stopped to tell me about Superman losing his powers and that’s why he hangs around with bike couriers. 

            I reviewed the videos of my song practice performances of “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” and “Baby Pop” from August 26 to September 1 of 2023. On August 26, August 28, and September 1 I played “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” on my Martin acoustic guitar. On August 26 the take at 3:30 in part B looked and sounded good. On August 28 the take at 9:15 in part B was pretty good. On September 1 the take at 17:45 in part B was okay and looked good. On August 27 I played “Baby Pop” on the Martin and the take at 7:45 in part B was not bad, there was low traffic noise and it looked good.

            I made pizza on a roti with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 5, episodes 27 and 28 of Bewitched. 

            In the first story Samantha and Darrin are celebrating his birthday. She has just given him his present and is about to reveal a special surprise when her father Maurice makes a grand entrance in his magic, chauffeur driven car. He surprises Darrin by wishing him a happy birthday. Maurice presents him with a magical cigarette lighter that can give him the ability to conjure things. Darrin says he can’t accept it and so Maurice is insulted and turns him into a jackass before leaving. Samantha summons her mother to help locate Maurice. Endora says this time of year he would be in the south of France. She says that they can leave Tabitha’s jackass father to take care of her since they will only be gone a few minutes. They find Maurice on a restaurant patio with his beautiful karate teacher Yvette. Then Yvette’s associate in the karate business the equally lovely Angelique arrives. Samantha persuades Maurice to return with her to help Darrin but when they get back Tabitha is alone and tells them that the animal control people came to take daddy away because it’s illegal to keep a jackass in the house. Samantha finds Darrin in the animal shelter and takes him back. Maurice has trouble reversing his own spell until he plays a magical recording of it backwards. Later when Darrin is sleeping upstairs Abner Kravitz comes because his wife Gladys told him Samantha has a jackass that can play chess. Maurice turns himself into a jackass to challenge him to a game. 

            In the second story Maurice comes to visit again because there is currently an aura so special about Samantha that its vibrations zonked across the atmospheric continuum and led him to her. He announces that he’s engaged a private secretary. He summons the beautiful Abigail Beachum to introduce her. He asks how Endora is since he hasn’t seen her for about 18 months. He tells Abigail that his wife and he have an informal relationship. Abigail says she’d like to meet her and so Samantha summons her. Endora appears and is greeted by Maurice, Then Samantha says, “It’s Noel Coward time!” and Endora turns to see Abigail. I guess it’s Noel Coward time when one introduces ones wife to one’s latest lover. I can’t find the reference anywhere else. Maurice has Abigail demonstrate her efficiency by taking dictation on an invisible typewriter. Endora and Samantha can read the invisible page she’s typed. Endora is jealous even though it’s been obvious over the last five years of this show that she and Maurice don’t live together and have no intimate relationship. She accuses Maurice of hiring Abigail for her attractiveness. Maurice insists he judges witches by their character. So Endora turns Abigail into an old lady. Maurice changes her back. Maurice reminds Endora of the time a young witch flirted with him and she had her drafted into the army. Her name was Attila the Hun. Abigail is about to threaten Endora against any more tricks when Samantha pulls her away and warns her that her mother has the most powerful one two punch in the cosmos. Abigail tells Samantha that she likes to go from one romance to another. She leaves a trail of broken hearts but it takes them a couple of weeks to wipe the smiles off their faces. Endora tells Abigail to leave her husband alone or she’ll disintegrate her. Maurice insists that his relationship with Abigail is purely professional and then Abigail gives him a kiss on the lips. Endora says she’s going to the Witches Counsel to file for an Ectoplasmic Interlocutory, which seems to be a witch’s divorce. Abigail is not satisfied with the lunch of sandwiches Samantha prepares and conjures herself an enormous meal. Endora returns and appears just to Samantha. They decide that Endora should make Maurice jealous. Endora suggests she bring Dr. Bombay’s nephew, who looks like Steve McQueen. Samantha says he is Steve McQueen but he’s too young. Samantha suggests John Van Millwood who is Maurice’s old rival from the theatre. She appears before Maurice with John, who is Australian. Maurice refers to his accent as a speech impediment. Abigail and John appear to be smitten with each other from the start. John says Shakespeare always preferred his interpretation of Romeo. Maurice calls him an untalented colonial. Abigail says she’s tired of all the arguing and she’s going to find herself another job. John offers her one and she agrees and they disappear together. Then Endora notices the same thing about Samantha that Maurice did. They ask if she is going to have another baby and she admits it. 

            Abigail was played by Janine Gray, who started doing TV commercials in England as a teenager. At 16 she appeared in three films: It’s Great to Be Young, My Teenage Daughter, and The Extra Day. She then trained in repertory theatre. Her first acting job on a TV series was Dial 999 in 1958. She then made guest appearances on Danger Man, The Saint and The Avengers. She starred in the British B movie Panic. From 1964 to 1969 she was based in Hollywood and made appearances on several US TV series. In The Americanization of Emily she appeared nude.

July 28, 1994: Christian and the Lions performed at Nik Beat's Open Stage but it was a fiasco

Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday Tom Smarda and Steve came over to rehearse for our feature as Christian and the Lions at Nik Beat’s Open Stage. We all met later at the Indigo Café. Rocky Capano came for the first time as our bass player but he didn’t know the songs. It was a bit of a fiasco. No one could hear themselves play and Steve’s mic wasn’t loud enough but I was good. Tom brought Vicky and they looked cute together. Judy came. Yuri Kuzinsky was there and gave me my script of his play for our upcoming performance at the Green Room. Yehudah Cullman came by and told me he loved my songs “Angeline” and “Tropic of Ulcer”. 

Tropic of Ulcer 

Homogenized dreams of exotic lifestyles 

are strobing our attentions at the speed of light while

we're drawn into a whirlpool of promises 

of brightly plumed & pretty experiences 

whose undertows will drag us down a thousand drains 

sucking what breath that’s remaining right out of our wheezing brains 

Well they say 

"Smoke this smoke & you can have this Girl" 

"Drink this drink You'll be on top of the world" 

"Wear this dress and you can bag your man" 

"Use this cream and you'll be younger again" 

They'll use Bible illustrations of Paradise

to dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in a carrot's disguise 

They'll use Bible illustrations of Paradise 

to dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in a carrot's disguise 

Emptily we gaze into the shimmering light shows 

planted round the clock between our foreheads' furrows 

until their velvet roots begin to intertwine 

with our vanity's veins in a twisted design 

Prosthetics of the ego help us limp away

to an all-expenses-paid imaginary holiday 

Well they say 

"Drive this car and you'll have sex-appeal" 

"Take this pill see how much better you feel" 

"Buy this scam Tony Robbins'll free ya" 

"Buy this song" 

Well there's an idea 

They'll use Bible illustrations of Paradise 

to dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in a carrot's disguise 

They'll use Bible illustrations of Paradise 

to dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in a carrot's disguise 

They'll use Bible illustrations of Paradise

to dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in 

a dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in a 

dangle a hot-dog in front of you dressed in a carrot's disguise

William Asher

            On Friday morning I entered in a search engine the titles of the next Boris Vian songs on my list from 1950 to see if any lyrics would be posted since I checked a year or so ago. I couldn’t find “Saint Germaine des Prés”, “Si vous désirez avoir du succès”, “T'en souvient'il?”, “Un pauvre petit garçon”, “La extraordinaire ou "confidences"”, or “Westminster ballade”. But I did find the lyrics for “D’où reviens-tu Billy Boy?” (a translation by Vian of “Where Have You Been Billy Boy?). So tomorrow I can start learning that one. 

            I memorized the second verse of “Un amour peut en cacher un autre” (One Love Can Serve to Cover Another) and adjusted my translation. There is only one verse left to nail down and so I should have it in my head tomorrow. 

            I weighed 87.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I brought the stepladder back in and finished sanding the upper left half of the eastern wall of my bathroom. Next I have to do the lower quarter of the upper right half. That might be a little more difficult because the paint is cracked around the light. 

            I weighed 87.95 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 87.65 at 18:00. I was caught up on my journal at 18:30. 

            I took my camera and tripod out to look for people to put on video. I twice made the round to Sorauren and back to Elm Grove. I saw Sal at Queen and West Lodge and asked if he’d seen Whispering Ghost, but he hadn’t seen him since last week. I ran into my ex yoga student Betina. I described Whispering Ghost to her and she said she saw him buy a bunch of stuff at the Salvation Army thrift store a couple of weeks ago. 

            I reviewed the videos of my song practice performances of “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” and “Baby Pop” from August 20 to 22. On August 20 I played “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” on my Kramer electric guitar and the take at 12:45 in part B was one of the best electric versions and the project of that date is already in Movie Maker. On August 22 I played it on my Martin acoustic guitar and the take at 12:15 in part B was not bad. On August 21 I played “Baby Pop” on the Martin and the take at 7:45 in part B was not bad but there was washed out light. 

            For dinner I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 5, episodes 25 and 26 of Bewitched. 

            In the first story the Witches Counsel give Samantha an ultimatum to give up her marriage to a mortal but she refuses. This is the first time they’ve made it an issue in five years. If they’d really wanted to stop her from marrying Darrin they would have tried five years ago. They take away her powers and those of her daughter. Uncle Arthur and Cousin Serena come to show they are behind Samantha but they lose their powers too. Arthur and Serena are forced to get jobs and so they apply at an ice cream place where they are put on an assembly line. Serna dips bananas in chocolate, then Arthur rolls them in nuts and puts them in the freezer. The belt keeps going faster and the result is disaster followed by a food fight with their manager. This gag is lifted from the old I Love Lucy story that had Lucy and Ethel on an assembly line of chocolates. Samantha appeals to the counsel but she refuses to give in. She warns the counsel they are risking their own integrity and their right to sit in judgement. They don’t seem to listen but that night at dinner everyone gets their powers back. 

            In the second story Mrs. Wehmeyer comes to see Samantha about donating to UNICEF. Samantha thinks she is asking her to donate money but when she says yes Wehmeyer says for her to be at the meeting in the morning. Samantha made an impression with her leadership at saving the park a few episodes ago. But when she shows up for the meeting she finds all the ladies leaving because E. J. Haskell, who pledged $10,000 has reneged on his promise. Samantha goes to see him but he only lets her in because he thinks she’s the decorator. He kicks her out and says he doesn’t want to see her face again. Samantha decides to haunt him with her face. She momentarily replaces his chauffeur, his secretary, the moose on his office wall, and his psychiatrist. This is not helping. She finds out that Haskell is engaged to a much younger woman named Lila Layton who is a nightclub performer. But it turns out that she’s the one who convinced Haskell to not give the money to UNICEF. Samantha and Endora go to a restaurant where Haskell and Lila are dining and Endora lends Samantha her truth salt, with which she spikes Lila’s soup. Every spoonful she puts in her mouth causes her to reveal her true intentions. She tells him she adores his money. He asks if she’d like to go somewhere tonight when she’s finished at the club. But she takes a sip and says she has a date with her boyfriend. Haskell gives Lila cab fare and she leaves. Then Samantha sits down at his table. He says he knows she’s his conscience and so he’ll make good on the pledge so he doesn’t see her again. 

            Both of these episodes were directed by William Asher, who started out in the mail room at Universal Studios. His film directing debut was for Leather Gloves in 1948. He began directing on television with episodes of I Love Lucy (for which he was nominated for a Directors Guild Award). In total he directed 110 episodes of the series. He directed several episodes of Bewitched (for which he won an Emmy) and from the fourth season on was the producer of the series. He also directed episodes of Make Room for Daddy, The Twilight Zone, The Patty Duke Show, Gidget, The Dukes of Hazard and Alice. He directed and co-wrote the movies Fireball 500, Beach Party, Muscle Beach Party, How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, Bikini Beach and Beach Blanket Bingo. He directed some episodes of Short Short Dramas. He was married to Elizabeth Montgomery for eleven years.

July 27, 1994: I performed at the Art Bar reading series for the first time

Thirty years ago today 

            Wednesday night was my first time at the Art Bar reading series in Matya’s Cellar. The atmosphere was very stuffy but I performed “Portrait of My Quicksilver Headdress” and it went over well. Afterwards the host Allan Briesmaster informed me that it was too long for the three minute time limit for poems performed on the open stage.

Ethelreda Leopold

            On Thursday morning I posted “If Our Tears Made Rainfall”, my translation of “S'il pleauvait des larmes” by Boris Vian on my Boris Vian Facebook page and on my own Facebook page. 

            I uploaded “Tombée des nues” (Falling from the Clouds) by Serge Gainsbourg to my Christian’s Translations blog. I edited and then published it and posted my translation “Paradise Lost” on Facebook. There are nineteen Gainsbourg songs left in my project to translate all of his songs. I memorized the first verse of his song “Un amour peut en cacher un autre” (One Love Can Serve to Cover Another). That verse is repeated three times and there are only two other verses in the song so I’ll probably have it all nailed down on the weekend. 

            I weighed 87.35 kilos before breakfast.

            Around midday I put my motorcycle jacket in a bag and hung it on my right handlebar as I took an early bike ride downtown. I stopped at Perfect Leather at 555 King Street West where they had my new guitar strap that they’d copied from the one they made last year. I paid $120 in cash and then showed them my motorcycle jacket. There are holes on each side on the front of the chest where my backpack straps have been rubbing against it. Apparently I should have conditioned it more and it got dried out. They are going to put new panels of leather to replace the ones where the holes are, fix the zippers and the snaps, and put in a new lining, all for $400. It’ll be ready on August 17. 

            On the way home I stopped at Freshco where I bought five bags of cherries, a pack of raspberries, some bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, cinnamon raisin bread, a pack of frozen shrimp, a jug of orange juice, Breton crackers, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, and some two in one shampoo and conditioner. In the personal needs aisle I ran into one of my ex-yoga students from PARC and we chatted for at least twenty minutes. 

            I weighed 87 kilos at 15:24. 

            I weighed 87.35 kilos at 17:35. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:16. 

            I took my camera and tripod out to look for people to put on video for my project. I walked to Sorauren and then east to Elm Grove. I went home to get dinner started. I put nine chicken drumsticks in the oven and then I went back out to take another trip to Sorauren, to Elm Grove and then home. Still no sign of Whispering Ghost with Wings of Silver. 

            I reviewed the song practice videos of my performances of “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” and “Baby Pop” from August 10 to 16. On August 10, 12 and 16 I played “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” on my Martin acoustic guitar. On August 10 the take at 3:30 in part B was the best English version up to that date. On August 12 the take at 6:30 in part B wasn’t bad but the light was a bit washed out. On August 16 the take at 12:45 in Part B was pretty good and looked good. On August 14 I played it on my Kramer electric guitar and the take at 12:15 in part B wasn’t bad and looked good. This session is already a project in Movie Maker. On August 5 I played “Baby Pop” on the Martin and the take at 11:30 in part B was okay and didn’t look bad. 

            I had two of the drumsticks for dinner with a potato and gravy while watching season 5, episodes 23 and 24 of Bewitched.

            In the first story Darrin’s mother Phyllis is visiting Samantha for lunch when Samantha’s mother Endora pops in. She says she wants to take Tabitha to the zoo like she did last week. Phyllis is jealous and thinks that Endora is given more time with her granddaughter than she is. Later Darrin’s father Frank comes by to address that very matter. He says Phyllis thinks Samantha is trying to keep Tabitha away from her. He asks Samantha to let Tabitha spend this weekend with him and Phyllis. Samantha is reluctant for reasons that are obvious to those that know that Tabitha is a witch with no control over her powers. But Endora supports Frank’s proposal. He says they’ll pick her up at 13:00 tomorrow. Samantha decides she is going to come too. The next day Phyllis takes Tabitha out onto the patio to show her Black Bart, her new pet mynah bird. When Tabitha is alone with the bird she makes him so he can really converse rather than merely imitate. He tells her Black Bart is a dumb name and he wants to be called Mr. Marvelous. Phyllis returns and when she hears this goes to Frank to tell him. Samantha gets Tabitha to undo the spell on Black Bart so all Frank hears is the usual mimicry. He wants Phyllis to lie down for a while. Later Tabitha asks Phyllis for a raisin cookie. Endora appears and Tabitha asks if she can have a cookie too. Endora asks if the cookies are from an Alive B. Toklas recipe. This is a reference to the Alice B. Toklas Cookbook, which was popular with the counterculture around the time this episode aired because the book included a recipe for hashish fudge. Since they are not from that book Endora says she’ll pass. Phyllis says, “I have an idea” to which Endora responds, “Beginner’s luck!” Samantha says she’d better take Tabitha home but she can’t find her. Endora suggests that because the adults were arguing about her she probably turned herself into something small to escape. Endora remembers that when Samantha was small, during an argument between her father and Uncle Arthur, she turned herself into a postage stamp and ended up in Istanbul. Samantha sees the face on one of Phyllis’s raisin cookies smile and she knows it’s Tabitha. She takes the cookie aside and tells it to change back and she does but Phyllis and Frank happen to see Tabitha appear. 

            In the second story Samantha and Darrin are entertaining Mr. and Mrs. J. Earl Rockford. Samantha tells Endora that J. Earl’s ancestors came over on the Mayflower. Endora says she doesn’t remember seeing any Rockfords on the Mayflower. That night J. Earl mentions that he is the president and chairman of the board of the Burning Oak Country Club. He thinks that Darrin would fit in there. Darrin says he’d like to think about it, which Rockford finds insulting. He leaves and takes his account with him. The next day Darrin apologizes and Rockford invites him to play golf at the club. Mrs. Rockford calls Samantha and invites her to lunch with her and the ladies of the screening committee. Endora declares that soon Darrin will be outsnobbing the snobs. Samantha says he won’t but Endora casts a spell on Darrin to make him a snob. As a snob Darrin hits it off well with Rockford. Samantha has lunch with Mrs. Hortense Rockford and two other ladies. Mrs. Cynthia Monteagle says she’s disappointed Samantha doesn’t share common friends with her. They are all surprised that Samantha’s husband works for a living, since all of their husbands own companies. Samantha suggests that’s why Burning Oak is so exclusive and empty. Harriot MacGibbon asks Samantha who her couturier is. Samantha says Sears and Robuck. When Darrin comes home he tells Samantha they are invited to have dinner that night at the club. When Samantha hears Darrin’s snobbish manner she realizes he is under a spell. When Hagatha arrives to babysit Tabitha, Samantha asks her to do some research into the names of some of the club members. That night Rockford says they must protect the club for the true blue pure bred Americans. Then everyone freezes and Endora arrives with Hagatha’s list. Samantha asks her to remove the snob spell from Darrin. Then Darrin argues that they should get rid of the wrong people and let in the common people. Samantha says she and Darrin have decided to stay out of Burning Oak. She tells Rockford that his ancestor on the Mayflower was an Irish stowaway named Toodles Rockney. She tells Mr. Morton that his grandfather was a horse thief from Poland. She suggests subtly that Cynthia is of Jewish descent. She says there is no pure bred American other than the Indians but they wouldn’t be allowed in the club. The next day Darrin announces he’s got the Rockford account and the screens are off at Burning Oak. 

            One of the club guests was played by Ethelreda Leopold, who was a 17 year old fashion model when she was spotted by a Warner Brothers talent scout and cast in the chorus line of the musical Dames. She appeared in several Three Stooges, Andy Hardy and Abbott and Costello films. She was a Busby Berkely Girl and won a popularity contest within that group.

July 26, 1994: I debuted my poem "Portrait of My Quicksilver Headdress"

Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday night I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel. There was a good turnout, including the first visits from John Barlow, Adeena Karasick and Death Waits who formed their own little bubble in a corner and giggled like school kids playing hooky.

            This was the Gumby Bible group poem for the night: 

Put on your space-helmet Baby 

& get ready for fall

Leave off all that you're doing 

You just might grow tall

in the breeze...then you're gone out 

& lost your baseball down the sewer again

Oust add last your lassi all dew the sewer ajar

Ah yes, impudent & yet luquiscently musical...insical

My problem...my poetry's problem: 

I assume people are dead to the world 

I read the previous lines & think

how impudent it was for John & Adeena 

to ignore the rhyming scheme of the 1st stanza

So it seems that Siskel & Ebert were right 

Two thumbs in the same stanza 

are worth all the space-helmets on Bloor street

Is that all that poetry is... here & now? Where's here? 

Struggling poets wrestling with the void 

The spaces between the characters & the words 

fall through the cracks in my breathing apparatus 

I hope the oxygen will last until I reach the surface

Arnature upright//outasight 

lusty old woman with attitude 

& then Adeena & Nancy (Primadonnas) did put on a skit 

had a drink of coffeewater & passed it off as wit 

A pantomime of passe rude 

& with a drink well...something lewd 

My drunkenness

But you knew this already

O goody,goody! here we go again Poetry! 

Sing a song for John Bonham. 

            I debuted my poem “Portrait of My Quicksilver Headdress”: 

So here I'm again with my writing

That illusive nomadic muse 

that comes charging from the unconscious frontier

like a ravaging horde of Mongols

to lay waste the card-house empire

of my conceptual mind 

is back now to dance on the damage with me

well at least for one more clumsy time

But nowadays I have to venture

deep into its sweet resting place

drag it kicking & screaming from out of its bed

& then slap it till its wide awake

just to nail down its dancing convulsions

like Christ on my high forehead's cross

Oh but make no mistake from the shape of this mask

Know my muse it is always the boss

Each one of my comatose projects 

that had lain there so dumb on their backs

half-formed, like thalidomide babies so long

are now spread like a thousand card hand 

of poker dealt out by the dealer 

who is my sweet imprisoned muse

But I'm beguiled by all the wild jokers I find

in this deck that I've so much abused

All the brutalized ink-blackened pages

that had crunched themselves into soft balls 

in the killer womb inside my frustrated fist

& to warm smoky freedom had rolled 

away on the underground railroad

conducted by garbage truck crews

well they're back now to fight

through my memory's court 

for their forty pages & a muse

Yes I'm back once again with my baby 

that had swum for so long in the womb

& the ultrasound films of that boring process 

are continuous echo-reruns 

on the nightmarish Walt Disney channel

that plays in my subconscious mind

providing the vaguest reflection of me 

that my ego could hope to design

It’s my fantasy's one-sided quarrel

I won't have to avert my eyes

& there's no counter-wit here I must circumvent

There's nobody to tell me I lie

So I'll lie in here all by my lonesome

just soaking up in my own brew

that’s so warm & so deep

I just might go to sleep 

in this alphabetic-stupor-stew

I use this typewriter to hammer 

a hole for myself in the wall 

of the towering mountain of purposefulness

& my voice as a beckoning call

to call you all out of your caverns

so I can then investigate

& comparatively determine the size

of my own spread of surrealestate

If you've all been knocked on your asses

in as many good & bad ways

then you're fattened by memory 

like I have become

& writing is one way to lose weight

Cause experiencing & teaching 

are two halves of one breathing process

& those of us holding a lungful of life 

can now pass on that eventful breath 

But our tiny Minds can't seem to handle 

Sensation's chaotic crossfire

that charges the electrical circuitry 

of each moment that challenges time

So that’s why we cause them to mutate 

& bleed into future & past

diluting them into a thin lady's drink

who's tall volume might cushion their blast

Then we sip with the greatest of leisure

Hope & memory's candy cane straws 

reweld them back into a plastic moment

merely flawed by some surgical scars 

that run like a railroad track border 

between these two nations at war

whose dividing line is as hard to define 

as the one between ocean & shore

Yes we tend to keep our lives separate

from Reality's smashing sea 

with dams made of bones 

from our clinking closets

& amnesia: the sealant between

Then we prick that dyke-wall with pinholes

to let just a little bit through

But its high where the wall's thin enough to be pricked

& the footholds are so very few

& most of us are far too lazy 

to climb up to where its that thin

& less of us have the digestive system 

that will hold that effulgent-juice in 

long enough so that when we do spit it 

deep into some young thirsty mind

it won't be so rich as to make the kid sick

or go down as more grape-juice than wine

But in my life the grey knotted tapeworm 

that is my excuse for a soul 

keeps me stealing that blood that’s been barely tasted 

from that foaming-toothed vampire’s hole

that serves as the garbage disposal 

of prayer, of blessing, of curse & of sigh

from who's lips we read the equations of time

& who's nickname is simply "the sky"

Sometimes it takes years of rewriting 

to translate one moment in time

& though the translation is never complete

it might unveil a piece of my mind

& almost just might count for something 

in writing, as in hand grenades

which though they fall short of the targeted mass

they still manage to blow it away

But I write cause I don't have the courage

to sit or to stand or to walk

in peace so I mirror these black fireworks

inside me with a crude voodoo-doll 

that shields me from most of my demons

but is also a fisherman’s net 

to catch them to serve as the ingredients 

in my diet of dark-angel flesh

It's a parachute serving to soften 

my descent through solitude's space 

(that bottomless mind-shaft of boredom & fear

that I tumble through from day to day)

& I fall through these out of time moments 

with or without pen in place

wrapped up in a mirror-lined crystal cocoon 

that will give me illusions of space

But what sails me away from one island 

of boredom becomes one in kind

So even though I get a sense of focus

lining up with a moment in time

its too bad it isn't the moment 

my body is feeding upon

but a moment that hangs in the perilous air

no momentum to carry it on

I can't seem to hold my attention 

when ideas fly in large flocks

but the counterbalance of this difficulty

is my flexible method of thought

& a talent for seeing the order 

that lies in perception's outback

which renders me so much more beautiful 

than the rest of you cloven-brained hacks

My acrobatical circus-boy mind 

keeps on seeping through all of the cracks 

in conception & emerges triumphantly 

as a glistening penis-head buck

Yes I'm raking the sky with my antlers

& their explosion frozen in time

a quicksilver ejaculation that sprouts 

from a well at the core of my mind

My thoughts are slowed down by my writing 

just long enough to be shocked 

by their image reflected inside of the page

& for one fleeting moment be caught 

like deer staring into car headlights

just long enough to be pulled back 

inside myself to become the soundtrack 

of my dance for the Calendar Girl

They go back in myself

orchestrate the striptease

of my Internal Calendar-Girl

Gail Kobe

            From Tuesday night to when I went to bed early Wednesday morning and continuing until I got up and started yoga, Leslie the beggar was under my window. She was asking people for money and shouting at those who didn’t respond with curses like, “I hope your penis gets cut off!” Sometimes she would sit directly under my window and the smoke from her cigarette would fill up the apartment as if she was right there in the bedroom. 

            Later that morning I published “If Our Tears Made Rainfall”, my translation of “S'il pleauvait des larmes” by Boris Vian on my Christian’s Translations blog. 

            I finished working out the chords for “Tombée des nues” (Falling from the Clouds) by Serge Gainsbourg. I ran through singing it in French and English. Tomorrow I’ll upload it to Christian’s Translations. 

            I weighed 87.95 kilos before breakfast. 

            At 13:00 I left for the U of T Graduate School of Periodontics for my deep cleaning. Last time it cost $203 but since then the federal dental plan kicked in for me and this time I paid nothing. I got my cleaning from the same hygienist as last time. She has a Slavic accent like a lot of them do and her name is Villi. At first she tried to do it without freezing but certain upper areas were sensitive and so she had someone come in to give me a few needles. He had a very calming manner. She kept on telling me to relax my lip but I have no idea what to do when anyone says that. The procedure took about an hour all together and I made another appointment for October 28. 

            I weighed 87.1 kilos at 15:30. For lunch I had pita crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea. 

            I weighed 87.6 kilos at 18:00. 

            I took my camera and tripod out to look for people to put on video. Right now the main person I want to shoot is Whispering Ghost with Wings of Silver. If I get him then I’ll consider this part of the project over. I walked to Sorauren and back twice. 

            I reviewed the videos of my song practice performances of “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” and “Baby Pop” from August 4 to 9 of last year. On August 4 and 8 I played “Dance and Sing to Baby Pop” on the Kramer electric guitar. On August 4 the take at the 5:45 in part B was okay but the camera was tilted too high and the guitar did not sound great. On August 8 the take at 7:45 in part B was okay but the light was not good. On August 9 I played “Baby Pop” on my Martin acoustic guitar and the take at 9:00 in part B was not bad and looked good. So August 9 is the only take worth considering so far. 

            I made pizza on a roti with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 5, episodes 21 and 22 of Bewitched. Darrin by the way isn’t in either of these episodes. He’s been written as being on business in Canada. This is probably due to Dick York’s chronic back problems that caused him to quit at the end of this season. 

            In the first story Serena pops in on Samantha and recounts the current status of her exciting life. She’s just come back from a safari in Kenya and tomorrow she’ll be at Balmoral with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip. But she says she’s bored with fun and there must be more to life than happiness. She’d just love to have an aching heart for a change. She says she wants to do what Samantha did and find herself a mortal and marry it. Samantha suggests she try computer dating and so she does. She fills out the questionnaire and there is only one match. The service arranges for a date between Serena and Franklin at a nice restaurant. They are both smitten as soon as they lay eyes on each other. He has already ordered her favourite wine before knowing what it is: Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1923. The date goes over amazingly and she invites Franklin for dinner at Samantha’s place. Samantha makes Serena cook dinner rather than conjure it. This was a predictable twist but the viewer learns before Serena does that Franklin is actually a warlock. The food is horrible and they are both extremely clumsy but they consider the night a success. They meet again the next night because Franklin has something to talk with her about. They meet and both want to say something. Serena goes first and demonstrates with a strange wind up of her arms that she’s never used before that she can disappear. Then he shows her that he can disappear. They both laugh. But then he points out that her habit of winding up before a spell like a demented windmill would be considered gauche in his social circle. She shows that she can cast a spell with as much style as he can as she makes a giant champagne glass appear, levitate it above his head and then drench him with champagne. He’s about to spray her with champagne from the bottle but she ducks and it hits Samantha. Then they both disappear. Serena then tries another agency but the one computer match for her is also a warlock. 

            In the second story Samantha and Tabatha have been in the park playing and are about to leave. Meanwhile a little boy is there with his pet chimpanzee but the boy is ignoring the ape to play with his kite. Samantha magically puts roller skates on Tabatha so they can get home faster and the chimp notices this and follows them. He knocks on the door and comes in when Samantha opens it. Samantha needs to find out where he belongs and so she makes him human so he can tell her. Technically if the chimp were made human it would have been a little boy since all the cute chimps we see in movies and on TV are very young. But in this unrealistic scenario the chimp is changed into an adult. He refuses to tell Samantha where his caregiver lives because he feels unappreciated there. Meanwhile at McMann and Tate the client Evelyn Tucker of Braun Cologne comes to see Larry. Her ad man Bobby Flynn has an idea for a TV spot involving three muscle men popping their pectorals. Larry reminds Tucker that Darrin is in charge of her account but she says Darrin has until the afternoon to prove he exists. He’s scheduled to return in a few hours and so Larry arranges for them to meet him at his home. When Tucker gets there she sees the human chimp and likes what she sees. Endora tells her his name is Harry Simmons and that he is Darrin’s cousin. Tucker wants Harry to advertize her cologne. A photo shoot is arranged for the next morning. Samantha tries to forbid Harry from going but Larry tells her that if Harry doesn’t come then Darrin is fired. Samantha learns that Darrin will be in Canada for another two days. Samantha takes Harry for the shoot and he is a success but he doesn’t like being human after all. Larry insists on more photo and TV shoots. Harry can’t quit but Samantha plans to get him fired by having him act naturally. He bites the make-up artist. He grabs Evelyn’s ass then grabs her and kisses her, taking her wig off and putting it on himself. Harry is fired. Samantha explains that this behaviour was to illustrate Darrin’s new slogan: “When your man uses Braun cologne there’s no telling how wild he might get”. Tucker loves the slogan and agrees to it but doesn’t want to see Harry ever again. Later Harry is changed back and returned to the boy. 

            Evelyn was played by Gail Kobe, who earned a Fine Arts degree in Theatre and Dance at UCLA. She started as a magazine model. She made guest appearances on several TV series. She played Penny Adams on the western series Trackdown. She played Doris Schuster on Peyton Place. She played Ann Boyd Jones on the soap opera Bright Promise. From 1982 to 1987 she was executive producer of the soap opera “The Guiding Light”. She was then producer of The Bold and the Beautiful from 1987 to the early 1990s. She taught theatre at San Fernando Valley State College.

July 25, 1994: Christian and the Lions rehearsed for our feature at Nik Beat's Open Stage

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday I think that some of my band Christian and the Lions must have come to my place to rehearse for our July 28 feature at Nik Beat’s Open Stage. Tom Smarda and Steve Lowe at least would have come.