Monday, 12 June 2017

Husband Beater



            On Sunday, because friends would be dropping by later I vacuumed half the kitchen then cleaned the bathroom sink, toilet and floor. While I was in the middle of that Sundar the super knocked on my door to ask if I had a crowbar because my neighbour at the other end of the hall had lost the key to his apartment. I went out in the hall and saw that the guy was trying to use a chef’s knife to see if he could wedge it in to turn the lock. I went to my tool drawer and brought back my long flat head screwdriver, a chisel and two metal putty knives. I asked him if he could use any of them and he told me gratefully that he’d try them all. This was the first time I’d heard him say more than “Hi” in the last few months that he’s lived here and I didn’t notice that he has what sounds like a Latin American accent. I’m guessing that he’s from Brazil since he doesn’t look like he’s of Latin or Native descent like someone from one of the Spanish speaking countries down there might. Brazil is more of a melting pot but then so is Argentina.
            Sundar was standing there watching him try to get into his door and I asked why he didn’t have a key. He said that he has a master key but it didn’t work. He tried I in my door and it turned, but not in the other guy’s door. I don’t like the fact that he has a master key that fits my door. I suggested that he could use the ladder that’s out on the deck to climb up to his window, but it was padlocked to the fire escape and Sundar didn’t have a key for that either.
            I went back to cleaning the bathroom but checked every now and then on my neighbour’s progress. He wasn’t making any, other than to become progressively more frustrated. Finally he started declaring, “I’m ready at this point to break down the motherfuckin door! How much does it cost? $300? I’ll pay it!” He kicked the door hard a couple of times but it didn’t budge. He said that he was moving out next month anyway. I cleaned my bathroom floor and while I was drying it there was a knock on my door and my neighbour had come to give me back my tools. I asked if he’d busted open the door and he said he had. I wondered how he was going to lock it. He answered that he’d buy another lock.
            Shortly after that I heard Nick Cushing shout up at my window. It turned out that he was there with Bruce March as well, who was in town for a rehearsal with the band that he plays bass for, “Frequency Zed”. I made tea for Bruce and we all sat at the kitchen table chatting. I was wearing a tank top and Bruce asked me if it was a “wife beater”. I really hate that term but my response to it was as usual, “I’m not married!” Mine is black and traditionally the white tank top tends to be referred to as a wife beater”. But women wear white tank tops more than men, so why don’t they call them “husband beaters”? It occurred tome later though that perhaps Bruce asked the question as a roundabout way of proposing to me.
            Nick had me re-read a script for a character for an episode of his animated web series. I had read Hector Nectar’s lines previously but Nick told me my voice hadn’t been sinister enough.
            The week before that I had gone around to various stores trying to find a microphone adaptor with a jack that was small enough to fit into the mic input in Nick’s drift cam. The problem had been that the jack that looked like the right size wouldn’t fit past the rubber of the camera’s casing. Nick showed me that I could have just peeled off the casing at the end where the inputs are.
            They headed out and I hung around home. I couldn’t ride my bike that afternoon because the headset had broken in half the day before. Not from any impact but just from twenty years of wear and tear.
            I did some knee exercises in the late afternoon while listening to an episode of Amos and Andy from 1946. A lot of the jokes were about shortages in the post war period. The big department stores had a thick catalogue just to show people all the things they didn’t have and the small stores were going out of business because they didn’t have enough of nothing to keep going.

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