July 4, 1996: I paid my last month's rent with a post-dated cheque

Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday I left a post dated cheque on the kitchen counter for my last month’s rent at 111 Sheridan Avenue then I walked to get on the Lansdowne bus to ride to the subway. The bus was still sitting there when Peter got on and confronted me about the cheque. He held up the bus while I calmly told him it was the best I could do.

Bo Kaprall

            On Thursday morning I started translating “Ça” (That), which is a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. A middle aged version of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin are discussing practicing eroticism versus reality. 

            I weighed 89.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the last of two sessions and of course it went out of tune all the time. 

            I worked on catching up on my journal. 

            I weighed 90.45 kilos before lunch.

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco. I bought seven bags of cherries, a pack of blueberries, some bananas, a loaf of sliced multigrain sandwich bread, two packs of Full City Dark coffee, and a jar of salsa. I did a price match on the cherries with the No Frills price of $4.34 a kilo. Priscilla the cashier was amazed that I’d saved $72 on the cherries and was discussing it with another cashier. I actually saved $64 on the cherries and $12 on two other purchases.

            I weighed 89.9 kilos at 18:15. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:40. 

            I grilled seven strips of finger beef and had one with a potato and gravy while watching season 9, episode 23 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone asks if Vicki had her baby. Carol says Courtney Allison Schultz was born nine months ago. 

            At a company called Kennon Escrow, Florence (played by Carol) and Edgar (played by Harvey) work as accountants in an extremely cramped office. But over their twenty years together they’ve worked out a system for dealing with their confined space. Harvey has to step on a garbage can to get over Carol’s desk to his. He hands her the inbox items while she hands him those for the outbox. She hands him the debit and he hands her the credit. He hands her the open accounts and she hands him the closed accounts. There is one phone with a long line and when it’s for Harvey she tosses it to him. When she has to file something she calls out “File!” and he ducks because the file cabinet drawer is impossibly long and would take his head off if he didn’t duck. When she closes it she calls “Finished!” and he can sit up again. The boss (played by Vicki) comes in with their new employee Mr. Barker (played by Tim). She tells Barker he can share Edgar’s desk. He has an extremely difficult time getting to Edgar’s desk and then it’s even harder to maneuver himself into his chair. There is a call for Barker but when Florence tosses him the phone it goes out the window. When Edgar uses the typewriter it’s at Barker’s side of the desk and it keeps hitting him in the face when Edgar uses the return. Vicki comes in with a bottle of champagne because it’s Florence and Edgar’s twentieth anniversary. After a toast she gives them the rest of the day off. Barker is alone and about to relax when the file cabinet drawer hits him in the head. 

             Carol and Jack Klugman play a couple who frequently miss dates with one another because they get it wrong where they are supposed to meet. They sing a song about it. He proves with his appointment book that he was at the right location and she apologizes. But she wonders who “Jean” is and he explains that Jean is a male jeweller who was going to show him some wedding rings. She’s very happy but he predicts she’ll get the wedding location wrong. She has to go to meet her sister but they’re going to meet for dinner at O’Hara’s. He writes down Gallagher's. 

            Carol and Jack play a married couple. He is a writer although not yet published. Her sister is coming over with her new boyfriend who claims to be a clairvoyant. Vicki arrives with Harvey, who pauses to read the auras in the room. Vicki gives Carol a present. It’s one of her many seagull paintings. Vicki asks Harvey if she’ll be successful and he predicts she will. Then Carol says she writes children’s stories and asks if she’ll be successful. Harvey confirms she’ll be a literary star. Jack is a skeptic but plays along to receive a reading from Harvey, who predicts he’ll have no success whatsoever. Jack asks about his second novel but Harvey says it will bomb. Jack gets upset because he thinks neither Carol or Vickie have any talent. He storms out of the house. Harvey tells Carol she’ll meet a rich blonde man who’ll adore her children. 

            Tim is sitting in his pajamas and bathrobe reading the paper. Carol enters the room in her bathrobe. It seems they are in the middle of an argument because she begins with “And another thing” before letting loose with several complaints while Tim ignores her. Suddenly there is the sound of a car pulling up outside and Carol exclaims, “It’s my husband!” Tim springs to life and jumps out the window. 

            In a museum the tour guide shows the guests the Pink Pussycat Diamond and demonstrates the security system that keeps it from being stolen. Besides being encased in bulletproof glass it is surrounded by an invisible high voltage forcefield. They all leave the room and the guide speaks into a walkie talkie giving the order to activate the security system. Soon a cat burglar (played by Tim) descends on a rope. But the rope is not long enough for him to reach the floor so he has to swing onto a statue, the head of which he breaks off, then he sits there to detach himself from the rope. He comes up against the force field, which burns one of his shoes off. He tests the forcefield from various heights and discovers that it stops at a certain height but also for some reason at the back. He makes his way inside of the field and tries to cut the case but his glass cutter breaks. He tries to use his drill and finds a plug but the cord won’t reach the glass. He tries to use a hammer and chisel but that doesn’t work. Then he discovers that after all that the case has no top. He has to climb up above the case to try to reach down to get the diamond. But while he’s doing that another thief just walks in the door and approaches the case. It turns out the case has no back either so he just grabs the diamond and leaves. 

            Harvey plays the mayor of a southern town and Vicki plays his wife in a public podium where he introduces Congressman Jethro Parker, played by Jack who steps up with his wife Lulibeth (played by Carol). Lulibeth tells the people that her husband is generous, which is shown by how he gives their butlers and maids every Thursday and every other Tuesday off and at Eastertime gave their chauffeur two whole weeks. Last Christmas he brought home a bunch of starving bunnies from the Playboy mansion and gave them a Christmas goose. They sing “The Country’s in the Very Best of Hands” by Johnny Mercer from the 1956 musical Lil’ Abner. The dancers do a dance along with Vicki who tap dances. 

            One of the writers for The Carol Burnett Show was Bo Kaprall, who started as a writer and producer of ads in Chicago. He became a castmember of Second City. In the late 70s he moved to LA where he created the Comedy Store Players and joined The Kentucky Fried Theatre. He wrote and produced for Laverne and Shirley and also for Friends. He played Laverne’s boyfriend Norman Hughes. He wrote for Welcome Back Kotter, Cher, and Sesame Street. He became a writer for Saturday Night Live and a developer of reality shows. He has written and produced over 5000 radio commercials.

July 3, 1996: I decided to rent a room with walls made of office dividers

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday I went to Marjorie Rebeiro’s place at 428 Queen West to check out the space she was offering me. The only two rooms separated by walls were her and Andrew’s bedroom and the bathroom (that only had a shower). The rest of the studio was open space but they had office dividers that they could use to partition off a room for me to rent. I would have a window that faced the alley. It was a nice old building and Marjorie and Andrew’s bedroom had amazing floor almost to ceiling windows. The location was convenient as it was close to most of the places I worked and played. The space was not ideal but Marjorie was a friend and I needed a pleasant atmosphere after living with that psychopath Helga Schlatter and her partner Peter Bird. I decided that I’d rent the space.

Christina Ricci

           On Wednesday morning I memorized the fourth verse of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. There is only a chorus left to learn. 

            I uploaded to YouTube my photo-video of the parody by Serge Gainsbourg of “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You). 

             I then added the video to my Christian’s Translations post of the song and published it. I posted my translation on Facebook. 

            I then used Clip Grab to download the YouTube video of “Ça”, which is a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. I then uploaded the video to Sonix to get a transcript, which I copied. Gainsbourg himself co-wrote the parody with Marcel Mithois. The joke is that instead of the almost pornographic lyrics between a couple making love, an older couple is engaged in a more domestic conversation. In this case the man declares love while the woman is concerned with practical matters. Tomorrow I’ll start translating it. It’s not really a song so maybe I won’t bother memorizing it. 

            I made coffee but didn’t drink it. I put it in the fridge so I could have iced coffee in the evening.

            I painted the second coat of the “crazy in love” pink hue on the outside half of one of the four floral reliefs on my future bathroom mirror frame. On Friday I’ll do at least one more outside half. 

            I weighed 91.25 kilos before lunch. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar with a glass of lemonade. 

            I weighed 89.4 kilos at 17:50, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since June 3. 

            I worked on getting caught up in my journal.

            It was too hot to use the stove and so I just has a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with cream cheese, five-year-old cheddar and potato chips. I had it with a glass of Creemore while watching season 1, episode 6 of Wednesday with my daughter Astrid on Discord. 

            The story begins with Wednesday trying to call forth the spirit of Goody Addams to be her guide but her séance is interrupted by Enid. Then a mysterious note is slid under the door telling her to meet at Crackstone’s crypt at midnight. She goes there only to find that it’s a surprise birthday party being thrown for her. She learns that Thing tipped Enid and Xavier that it was her birthday. She does not appreciate the gesture but then notices that the writing on the hearth is the same as that which was recently burned on the school lawn: “Fire Will Rein”. When she touches the fireplace she has a vision and connects with Goody Addams who warns her that Crackstone is returning. Bianca meets the mayor’s son Lucas while he is doing community work to atone for his part in sabotaging the Nevermore dance. He is wearing a bracelet that he got from her mother’s company and she tells him it’s a scam. They get together later at the café. Ms. Thornhill gives Wednesday a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The principal revokes Wednesday’s off-campus privileges but she arranges for a date with Tyler and brings Enid along under the pretense of redoing her birthday party. But Wednesday takes them to explore the Gaines mansion where they are attacked by the monster and Tyler is injured. I nonetheless think that Tyler is actually the monster. Enid is so upset by Wednesday’s manipulations that she moves out of their shared room. 

            Ms. Thornhill is played by Christina Ricci, who played Wednesday Addams in the first two film adaptations of The Addams Family. Her father was a primal scream therapist who worked from home. She attended The Professional Children’s School in New York. She was discovered by a theatre critic who saw her in a school production of The Twelve Days of Christmas. He suggested to her parents that they get her a manager. That led to some commercial work before she made her film debut in Mermaids in 1990. She co-starred in The Ice Storm, Buffalo 66, Pecker, Desert Blue, 200 Cigarettes, Bless the Child, The Laramie Project, Love Your Work, Sleepy Hollow, Anything Else, Monster, Home of the Brave, Speed Racer, After.Life, Bucky Larson, Bel Ami, War Flowers, Percy, Here After, Guns Up, She starred in Casper, Golddiggers: the Secret of Bear Mountain, Little Red Riding Hood, That Darn Cat, The Opposite of Sex, Pumpkin, The Gathering, Black Snake Moan, Prozac Nation, The Man Who Cried, Now and Then, Miranda, Cursed, Penelope, Around the Block, Ten Things We Should Do Before We Break Up, Distorted, Monstrous, and The Dresden Sun. She hosted Saturday Night Live in 1999. She starred in the series The Lizzie Borden Chronicles, Pan Am, Z: the Beginning of Everything ( which she co-produced), . She co-starred in the last season of Ally McBeal, the series Yellowjackets, She won an Enny in 2006 for her guest appearance on Grey’s Anatomy. She is the voice of Catwoman in the animated series Batman: Caped Crusader. She made her Broadway debut in Time Stands Still in 2010. She did a vocal for Beck’s song “Hell Yes”.

July 2, 1996: I started looking for a new place to live

Thirty years ago today

           On Tuesday I started looking in the newspapers for apartments. That night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage. Marjorie Rebeiro was there and when I mentioned that I was looking for a place she suggested that I could rent a space in the studio where she lived with her boyfriend Andrew. We made a date for me to check it out.

Tony Randall

            On Tuesday morning I memorized the third verse of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. There is only one verse and one chorus left to learn. 

            In Movie Maker I finished editing and published my photo-video of the parody by Serge Gainsbourg of “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You). Tomorrow I’ll upload it to YouTube and hopefully there won’t be any copyright issues. If YouTube accepts it then I’ll post the video with my Christian’s Translations publication of the song. 

            I weighed 90.05 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune most of the time. 

            Around midday I finished painting the first coat of the “crazy in love” pink hue on the four floral reliefs on my future bathroom mirror frame. Tomorrow I’ll apply the second coat. 

            I washed some socks and a pair of shorts then put them out on the roof in the sun to dry.

            Yesterday I’d applied Proofide to the Brooks leather saddle of my vintage Raleigh and left it on over night. Today I buffed it. I still need to do the same to the Brooks seat on my Surly. 

            I weighed 90.55 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. I wore my sandals for the first time this year. 

            I weighed 89.9 kilos at 17:50, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since June 5. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:03. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity then extracted to my hard drive side one of another recording session of my song “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” at Mike’s Place with Mike on drums. This is the third tape of that song that I’ve digitized and coincidentally it worked out that the first was the earliest, the second was chronologically next and this one seems to be after that because the song is improving with each session. It took a while to teach Mike what I wanted from the drums. Side 2 seems to be more of the same song. 

            I felt it was too hot to use the oven and the top of the stove tonight so I just had two cold chicken drumsticks with potato chips, salsa and skyr. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 9, episode 22 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup Carol announces that Tim Conway is on holiday with his wife.

            Someone asks Carol what she thinks of what happened on her favourite soap opera All My Children today. Carol tells the audience that Ann told her mother Phoebe that she was pregnant and that it was Paul’s child. Then Phoebe told Margo and in Carol’s opinion Margo is going to get a gun to go after Ann. Because Margo had been pretending that she was going to have Paul’s baby and was planning on buying one. She says they are all bananas on that show. Carol announces that she is going to do a walk-on for All My Children and she’s thinking about going as her old lady character Stella Toddler. 

            Someone asks Carol if she always wanted to be a star. Carol says at first she wanted to be a cartoonist and have her own comic strip. She started getting the entertainment bug when she was 18.

            Carol recounts how someone asked for her autograph but then came back and asked her to write her name more legibly so people would recognize it. So she printed her name. 

            Carol and Harvey play a married couple having a major fight. She throws breakables at him as he swears his going to get even with her as he opens the door to leave. She locks herself in the bedroom. Just then an encyclopaedia salesman named Smiley Rogers (played by Dick Van Dyke) walks in the open door and starts making his pitch to Harvey. Harvey gets the brainstorm that imposing an encyclopaedia salesman on his wife will be the perfect revenge so he tells Smiley to not take no for an answer and then he leaves. Carol comes out swinging with a lamp until she realizes it’s not Harvey and she asks who he is. he says he’s here to enrich her life and she hits him with the lamp. Then she calms down and asks what she can do for him. He blows up a balloon that is a world globe and says “I can give you the world”. She says, “That’s what Arnold said when he proposed!” and she knocks him over the sofa. He’s on his way out when she begs him not to leave her alone. She listens to his pitch but then starts crying and he starts crying too. She says she’s going to kill herself and goes out on the balcony. He runs to stop her and flips over the railing, almost falling himself before he catches hold. He keeps getting knocked off as he tries to reason with her. He tells her they have saying at his company, “If you don’t like sore knuckles don’t knock on the door”. She thinks that’s profound. Then Arnold returns and says he was a fool. Carol says Smiley helped her realize how much she loves him so they decide to buy Smiley’s most expensive set. But then they argue over who’s going to pay the $8 down payment. Smiley gets away just as they start trading punches. 

            Tony Randall recites the lyrics to the song, “Have Some Madeira M’Dear?” by Michael Flanders and Donald Swann. 

            Dick and Tony play two friends on a Hawaiian vacation. Tony has lost $10 and can’t get over it. Dick tries to reason with him that he shouldn’t ruin his holiday over $10. Tony tells him he’d feel the same if he’d lost $10. Dick takes $10 from his pocket and sets it on fire. Tony is impressed and it changes his mood but then he finds the $10 that he’d thought he’d lost. Now though, Dick tells Tony that he owes him $10 because he burned his for him. Tony says he’ll give him $5 and Dick agrees to that. Tony hands the bartender his $10 and asks him to break it into fives. The bartender makes a mistake and gives him change for a $20. Tony gives Dick $5. Dick insists that he owes him another $5. Tony finally gives in and puts another $5 on top of the one he put on the bar beside Dick. But then the bartender realizes his mistake and takes Dick’s $10. Now Dick wants his $5 again. Then an elderly flower lady comes in played by Vicki and asks them to help the poor. Dick and Tony agree to just give the $10 to her. Dick gives her the money and she gives him a hug then leaves. Dick is about to buy Tony a drink when he realizes that Vicki lifted his wallet and his watch so he runs after her. The bartender brings the two drinks Dick ordered and then says, “You got a double star on your receipt so both drinks are on the house!” Tony pours Dick’s drink into his glass. 

            Before introducing Dick, Carol announces that he’s getting his own variety show. It only lasted three months but it did win an Emmy. 

            Dick sings and tap dances (while wearing flippers) to the 1913 song “Ballin the Jack” by Chris Smith and Jim Burris. Considering that he didn’t start dancing until he was 34, his moves are pretty impressive. 

            Carol and Tony play a couple who have just said goodnight to their party guests. Carol is commenting on what a great party it was but Tony is giving her the evil eye. He confronts her on not having read the signals he gave her during the party of which they have a large vocabulary. But she hadn’t noticed when he signaled for her to change the subject. He was trying to stop her from telling a woman about a tramp who’s having an affair with the doctor, because she was talking to the tramp. When he puts his hand to his forehead it is supposed to mean for her to turn on the radio but he was doing it because he had a headache. She puts her head in her hands in frustration but he says, “Don’t tell me to shut up!” They begin to insult each other but only with weird gestures. They finally decide to talk instead of gesture and they embrace. She suggests they go to bed but he gestures that he has a headache.

            They finish with a mini-musical featuring the lyrics of Ira Gershwin. It takes place on a movie set with Harvey as his German director character. Dick plays the clapper loader. Carol is in charge of wardrobe. Tony sings “Girl of the Moment” with music by Kurt Weill from the 1941 musical Lady in the Dark. Carol sews up Vicki’s dress and in her mind she is singing “Looking for a Boy” with music by George Gershwin from the 1925 musical Tip-Toes. In Dick’s head he sings “Somebody Somewhere” with music by George Gershwin from the 1931 film Delicious. The director fired all his stand-ins yesterday so he picks Carol and Dick to stage a scene for him. Dick reads from the script the lyrics to “Love Walked In” from the 1938 musical The Goldwyn Follies. The director tells Carol to stand close to Dick and read the lyrics as well. Then he gets them to put their cheeks together. Then Tony and Vicki sing the song for the cameras with music by George Gershwin. Then Harvey gets Carol and Dick to sit on a bench together to rehearse another scene. Dick reads the lyrics for “I’ve Got A Crush On You” from the 1928 musical Treasure Girl. Carol joins in with their cheeks together. Harvey has Carol sit on Dick’s lap and rub noses with him. Then he tells them to kiss and they linger. Carol and Dick are making notes on the script while in their heads they are singing a duet of “How Long Has This Been Going On” with music by George Gershwin from the 1927 musical Funny Face. Dick sings “Isn’t It Pity?” with music by George Gershwin from the 1933 musical Pardon My English then Carol joins in. Then they get up and start dancing together as they sing, “S’Wonderful” with music by George Gershwin from Funny Face. Then they sing the 1927 song “Soon” with music by George Gershwin. Then they perform the opening song “Love Walked In”. Tony is listening and then tries to seduce Carol as he sings the 1928 song “Embraceable You” with music by George Gershwin. Then Carol sings, “Long Ago and Far Away” with music by Jerome Kern from the 1944 film Cover Girl. Then she turns to Dick to sing the lyric, “All I long for is you”. Then Carol and Dick sing, “I Got Plenty of Nothin” with music by George Gershwin from the 1935 opera Porgy and Bess. Then they sing the 1936 song “For You For Me Forever More” with music by George. Then Tony and Vicki sing ““I’ve Got A Crush On You” while Carol and Dick kiss. 

            Tony Randall studied at New York City’s Neighbourhood Playhouse School of the Theatre. During the 1940s he mostly appeared in supporting roles in Broadway plays. One of his first acting jobs was as Reggie York on the radio series I Love a Mystery. He made his uncredited film debut in Saboteur in 1942. He had his first leading role on Broadway in Inherit the Wind in 1955 in which he originated the role of E.K. Hornbeck. He was nominated for a Tony Award for his starring role in Oh Captain in 1958. He made his feature film debut in Oh Men Oh Women in 1957. He starred in Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?, 7 Faces of Dr. Lao, Fluffy, Our Man in Marrakesh, The Alphabet Murders, The Brass Bottle, Hello Down There, Scavenger Hunt, He co-starred in No Down Payment, The Mating Game, Pillow Talk, Lover Come Back, Send Me No Flowers, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Let’s Make Love, Boys’ Night Out, Island of Love, He co-starred in the sitcoms Mister Peepers, The Odd Couple, He starred in the sitcoms The Tony Randall Show, Love Sidney, He appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman a record 70 times and 105 times on The Tonight Show. He was one of the first guests on Late Night with Conan O’Brien. He founded with $1 million of his own money and was artistic director of The National Actors Theatre.

July 1, 1996: Nancy took our daughter to see the Canada Day fireworks

Thirty years ago today

            My daughter had stayed overnight again on Sunday and on Monday it was Canada Day. True spent the day with me and until her mother came in the evening to pick her up and they went to watch the fireworks.