On Wednesday Brian Haddon and I rehearsed for our upcoming performances at my open stage and at the Art Bar Reading Series. Later I went to the Art Bar at the Csarda on Elm Street and performed on the open stage.
Friday, 22 May 2026
Thursday, 21 May 2026
Petula Clark
On Wednesday morning I memorized the seventh verse of L'anguille (The Eel) by Boris Vian. There are three verses left to stuff in my head but the last one is almost identical to the sixth.
I memorized the second verse of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg.
I weighed 86.65 kilos before breakfast, which would be the lightest I’ve been since December 20 if the scale is right.
I had to skip song practice because I had an 11:00 appointment with Dr. Max Xia at the U of T School of Dentistry. I left at 10:00 and got there at 10:45. It was my last time seeing Dr. Xia because he’s graduating. My bone graft looks fine so far. He cleaned some plaque from the inside of some of my teeth. He said the next step towards getting the implant will be another CT scan in about a month. If the scan shows the bone graft is healthy under the gums then perhaps in August my next student periodontist will put in the screw. Then after about four months the crown will be mounted on top.
I stopped at Freshco on the way home to buy five bags of cherries.
I weighed 87.8 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of iced tea with limeade.
I took a siesta from 14:30 to 16:16.
I weighed 86.95 kilos at 16:50.
I was still behind on my journal so I worked on getting caught up.
I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with black olive paste, marinara, tomato pesto, two sliced cheese sausages, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 7, episode 9 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone asks who is Carol’s favourite actor. She says James Stewart.
Carol did a play with Rock Hudson last summer called I Do I Do, and in it she did a bump and grind.
Two children give Carol a koala piggy bank because she’s taking the show to Australia. In Australia she’ll be meeting the queen who will be visiting there at the same time. Good Housekeeping has hired Carol to interview Elizabeth II. Apparently though that meeting never took place. Elizabeth however reportedly enjoyed Carol’s parodies of her.
A Funt and Mundane sketch has the married acting couple about to perform in a theatre with a big movie producer in the audience. But Mundane breaks her contact lenses and her glasses before going on. Their play is a disaster as she stumbles around the stage either breaking things or facing in the wrong direction. In the end she knocks down the back wall of the set.
Petula Clark sings the 1973 song “Silver Spoon” by Judi Pulver.
In an airport Tim Conway is behind the security desk stamping boarding passes. Harvey Korman has five minutes until his flight. Harvey is going to Los Angeles and Tim uses a different stamp for every letter of the name of the city. Harvey has one suitcase containing some toiletries and a reel of film. The film is a documentary and he’s taking it to the major studios because he has hopes of winning an Oscar. Harvey gives Tim the key but it breaks in the lock. He uses various damaging tools to break open the suitcase, he sees what’s in it and closes the case but he has lest Harvey’s shaving cream upright and the pressure from the top of the case causes shaving cream fill it up and cover Harvey’s film. Tim tries to wipe it off but sends the reel flying while he’s still holding on to one end.
Carol and Vicki play Bernice and Sally co-workers lunching at the Nosh and Rye when Harvey comes in and sits down at a nearby table. Carol says his name is Jerry. Vicki asks if it’s the famous Jerry who dumped her. Carol fantasizes that as she’s leaving Jerry calls her name and asks her to sit down. In her fantasy she’s elegant, confident and not wearing glasses. He says he’s often dreamed of her and is miserable without her. She is cool and says she feels nothing. When the dream is over and Bernice really leaves she walks by Jerry’s table and tries to subtly get his attention. He looks up from his newspaper and asks indifferently, “How ya been?” She sits down without an invitation and it turns out he doesn’t even know who she is. When he finally does remember that they dated he’s still indifferent. Bernice leaves thinking that she just destroyed him.
In As The Stomach Turns, Marian is depressed because nobody has any problems to share with her. Arnold W. Minty, Canoga Falls’ second handsomest attorney who never married comes to see her. Harvey plays him as very effeminate and so the implication is he never married because he’s gay. She hopes he’s bringing bad news but he’s there to tell her to her disappointment that she’s inherited $50,000 ($338,000 today). The phone rings and she hopes it’s her obscene caller but it’s someone else’s obscene caller and it’s a wrong number. Her daughter (played by Vicki) arrives but for the first time she doesn’t have a baby. She’s reformed and joined the Girl Scouts. Lyle and Petula arrive and cheer Marian up by telling her they’ve come to contest the will. Lyle says Petula is Marian’s twin sister, identical in every way except for her appearance. Lyle says he is Hilton Obrien, Olympic weightlifter and freelance bellhop. Marian asks Petula for proof that she’s her sister. Petula says she has the same birthmark as Marian. Marian says only the brass section of the Tommy Dorsey band knows where that birthmark is located. Then Marian’s heavy breather calls and she invites him over. He arrives immediately and he’s played by Tim Conway in his old man character. The heavy breathing is mostly because he’s out of breath. He gives Marian his card which reads Obscene Phone Call Unlimited: Marvin Peterson and Son. He says he’s the son. Marian gets another obscene phone call and this one is fantastic. Peterson Jr. listens and it’s his father. Junior tells dad he’s making a house call. He listens to his father and laughs a ridiculous laugh for a long time that causes Carol to crack up and turn away. The father invites Marian and her sister to go skinny breathing by the lake and Marian agrees because then she can check if Petula really has the same birthmark. Marian’s daughter comes down to show she’s just had a baby and she’s married Hilton, who performed the ceremony in his capacity as a freelance rabbi. But he confesses to also be married to Petula. Petula confesses she’s not Marian’s sister but whispers in her ear who she is, which changes who Vickie is.
Carol and Petula sing the 1973 song “Yesterday Once More” by Richard Carpenter and John Bettis.
Harvey plays Harvey the K, a flamboyant and flashy TV DJ with a big pompadour, hosting a dance party.
Vicki, in a tight outfit has gotten really hot over the years. She sings a song similar to “Willie and the Hand Jive” by Johnny Otis, based on the same "Bo Diddly" melody. She slaps a rhythm on the behind of one of the dancers as he does to her. This is Vicki’s best performance on the show.
Harvey sings and dances to "The Peppermint Twist" with backup from Carol and Petula, also wearing tight dresses.
Petula Clark was a music hall and radio star at the age of 10. She made her radio debut on the BBC Overseas Service in October of 1942 singing for the troops. She was known as the Shirley Temple of Britain and British troops would put her picture on their tanks for good luck. She made her film debut in Medal for the General in 1944. She co-starred in London Town, Here Come the Huggetts, Vote for Huggett, Huggetts Abroad, Vice Versa, The Romantic Age, Dance Hall, White Corridors, Madame Louise, The Card, Made in Heaven, The Runaway Bus, The Gay Dog, The Happioness of 3 Women, Track the Man Down, Goodbye Mr. Chips, Her first starring role was in Don’t Ever Leave Me in in 1949. She starred in Never Never Land. She acted in radio comedies such as Life of Bliss. On TV she hosted Petula Clark and Pet’s Parlour. Her first top 10 hit was “The Little Shoemaker” in 1954. She fell for a Frenchman in 1960 and moved to France. By 1962 she was the top female singer in France with hits such as “Chariot” (The original version of “I Will Follow Him”), “Romeo” (her first gold record), “Coeur Blessé”, and “Ya Ya Twist”. She also had hits in German, Italian, and Spanish. Her song “Sailor” was her first #1 hit in the UK. Jacques Brel gave her his song “Un enfant” as a present and her recording charted in Canada. She wrote the scores for several French films. In 1965 she became an international superstar with “Downtown” (for which she won two Grammy awards). Her song “You’re the One” was a hit for The Vogues in 1965. She wrote “Je chant doucement”, “Que fais-tu la Petula”, “L’agent secret”, and “Bleu blanc rouge”, which were hits in Canada and Europe. By 1966 she’d had hits with “I Couldn’t Live Without Your Love”, “This is My Song”, “Sign of the Times”, and “Don’t Sleep in the Subway”. She starred in the BBC series This is Petula from 1966 to 1968; and The Sound of Petula from 1972 to 1974. In 1968 she did a TV special in the US with special guest Harry Belafonte. While they did a duet with Belafonte of her own song “Paths of Glory”, during which she touched his arm. This scandalized a lot of southern US viewers but the show aired four days after the Martin Luthor King Jr. assassination and received high ratings as well as an Emmy nomination. She was nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance in Finian’s Rainbow in 1968. She was performing in Montreal during John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s Sleep in and provided backing vocals for “Give Peace a Chance”. In Canada in the 70s she had a major hit with, "Je Voudrais Qu'il Soit Malheureux". She broke house records starring as Maria in The Sound of Music in 1981 and 82, and Maria von Trapp declared her the best Maria ever. She wrote the music for Someone LIke You. She made her Broadway debut in Blood Brothers in 1993. She’s been a Vegas headliner since 1966. She was made Commander of the Order of the British Empire by Queen Elizabeth in 1998. In 2000 she debuted her one woman show in Montreal. In 2012 she was made a Commander of the Order of Arts and Letters in Paris. In 2018 she released an album of French songs composed by French Canadian songwriters. Her autobiography Is That You Petula? was published in 2025.
May 21, 1996: I hosted the Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage as always
On Tuesday night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of The Gladstone Hotel.
Wednesday, 20 May 2026
Bill Richmond
On Tuesday morning I re-memorized the first verse of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. I had memorized an inaccurate translation before so I had to revise it and start again.
I weighed 86.35 kilos before breakfast. It’ll be interesting to see what my doctor’s scale says later today.
A little after 13:00 I started riding up to Avenue Road and Eglinton for my annual check-up. I stopped at Long and McQuade to pee. I didn’t have to go that badly but it’s a long bike ride and I didn’t want any wet accidents.
Dr. Shechtman checked my blood pressure and my heart but didn’t check my prostate. My blood pressure was 110 over 80, which he said is excellent. he weighed me at over 89 kilos. My scale is off. I thought my left ear was plugged but he said it was clear. He offered me the pneumonia vaccine but I said I’m not social enough to worry about it. If I was living in a retirement home I’d get it. He gave me the forms for the usual blood tests.
He said he stopped working on weekends and now he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He has a two year old granddaughter who gives him a lot of joy.
I weighed 86.25 kilos at 15:55.
I took a siesta and slept three and a half hours.
I weighed 86 kilos at 21:15. I dropped the scale a couple of days ago and since then it seems to be registering lower readings.
I was behind on my journal and worked on getting caught up but at the end of the day I was still not up to the present.
I grilled two T-bone steaks and had one with a potato and gravy while watching season 7, episode 8 of The Carol Burnett Show.
There is a parody of Jack Laland’s exercise show with Lyle as Jack. Carol plays an extremely obese woman trying to follow along and she ends up destroying some furniture before collapsing. At the end Jack Laland comes out of the bedroom and the obese lady is his wife.
Steve Lawrence sings “I’ve Got You Under My Skin” by Cole Porter from the 1936 film Born to Dance.
Carol plays Jessica, a 9 months pregnant woman and Paul Sand plays her husband Matthew who is sleeping. She wakes him up to remind him that they’re going to have a baby. He says he knows. She complains that he doesn’t seem that excited about it. She is very moody and jumps back and forth from being affectionate and critical. She asks if he’s excited and he says he’s very excited about her baby but now she’s upset that he didn’t say “our baby”. She accuses him of being jealous and he admits it but says he hates himself for it. Jessica says it’s okay and they make up but suddenly she goes into labour. Everything is ready except he discovers he forgot to put gas in the car. She accuses him of not wanting her to have her baby. He calls her on saying “my baby”. He says it’s all about her because she gets all the gifts and the pain. She says she’s going to share everything including the pain. He starts to feel the contractions. She calls the ambulance and says she and her husband are having a baby.
There’s a parody of “Double Indemnity” called “Double Calamity”. Steve Lawrence plays Walter Leph, an insurance salesman. He enters his office with six bullet wounds and sits at his desk to talk into a Dictaphone to leave a dying message for his boss Mr. Keys. he confesses to killing Dietrichsen for money and a dame. Then there’s a flashback when he comes to Dietrichsen’s home to get a signature on a policy. He meets Dietrichsen’s wife Phyllis (played by Carol) and they become lovers immediately as well as co-collaborators in a plot to kill her husband and collect the double calamity insurance. Dietrichsen comes home and finds them kissing but it doesn’t register as anything out of the ordinary. He signs the policy then they kill him. But for the policy to be paid out he also has to fall from a blimp and so he is dropped onto the Rose Bowl Parade. Later Phyllis and Walter shoot each other several times.
There’s a tribute to Irving Berlin to celebrate his 85th birthday. Carol, Harvey, Vicki, Lyle, Steve, Paul and the dancers perform a medley of all of his popular songs, such as “Let’s Face the Music and Dance”, “I’m in Heaven”, “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, and “Happy Holidays”.
One of the writers on The Carol Burnett Show was Bill Richmond, who started out as a drummer for Frank Sinatra, Peggy Lee, harry James, Les Brown, and Nelson Riddle. After becoming a drummer for Jerry Lewis he began pitching gag ideas. Jerry liked them so much he made him a co-writer. He co-wrote The Nutty Professor of 1963 and of 1996, The Errand Boy, The Ladies Man, The Patsy, and Cracking Up. He played Stan Laurel in The Bellboy. He won three Emmy Awards for The Carol Burnett Show.
Arletty
I finished comparing the Google translations of the lyrics I already had for “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg with the ones that Sonix transcribed from the audio. Sonix was more correct but sometimes it was off and I adjusted the text according to my own ear. Tomorrow I’ll start rememorizing the song.
I weighed 86.7 kilos before breakfast. That seems like quite a drop, considering that I ate more than usual for supper the night before. It’s the lightest I’ve been in the morning since December 20.
I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of four sessions and it went out of tune on every song.
I worked on digitally enhancing one of my photos.
I weighed 87.65 kilos before lunch. March 24 was the last early afternoon when I was so easy on the scale.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 87.15 kilos at 17:45. I haven’t been that skinny in the evening since December 16.
I was caught up in my journal at 18:36.
I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity side one of a recording session at Mike’s place in Peter Fruchter’s garage. I’d digitized this twice before with the MP3 converter and again with only the left channel. This time I got both channels. I digitized side 2 yesterday. Next time I’ll record from another cassette a session at Mike’s Place that I think is all “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”.
At 21:00 my daughter and I got together on discord and watched my favourite movie Les enfants du paradis with our microphones on. It was probably my tenth time seeing it, plus I have a copy of the original screenplay and have translated about half of it.
Hearing Astrid's voice it was like she was right there so it was kind of nice, especially since she was enjoying the film.
The movie opens on The Boulevard of Crime in Paris where a carnival is going on. The first character we see is Jericho the Ragman shouting his wares and blowing his trumpet as he walks through the crowd.
Then we see a peep show where “the Truth” is revealed as the character Garance is sitting in a “well” with her body naked from the shoulders up.
Then outside of the Funambules pantomime theatre we see the actor Frederick Lamaitre arguing with the concierge to get in and talk to the director about a job while the concierge thinks he’s just trying to get in for free. But then Frederick sees Garance walking through the crowd and goes to try and pick her up. She gently rejects him but he asks when he’ll see her again. She delivers the line, “Paris is small for lovers such as us”.
At a scribe’s office we see the criminal poet Lacenaire who has just finished a letter of apology for a man who hit his wife. The customer is very satisfied. Lacenaire’s henchman Avril comes in with some silverware he stole for his boss. Garance arrives who Lacenaire says is his muse. He talks about how he hates society and loves no one, including Garance. She confirms she doesn’t love him either but visits him because he talks a lot and she finds it relaxing. He tells something of his origins and delivers the line, “My parents forbade me bad company and yet left me alone with myself”. He talks about a play he is writing and there is a sense that the story we are watching is that play.
In front of the Funambules the star Anseme Dubaru is advertising the show. Sitting silently and motionlessly at one corner of the stage is his son Baptiste. Dubaru abuses Baptiste for the entertainment of the crowd and then goes inside, leaving his son to continue sitting. Garance is watching, as is a wealthy man who thinks Baptiste looks like a fool. Lacenaire steals the man’s watch and sneaks away. When he notices his watch missing he accuses Garance. A policeman is about to arrest her when Baptiste intervenes and explains in silent and comical mime what actually occurred, much to the amusement of the crowd. He saves Garance and she throws him a flower. Baptiste is in love.
At the Funambules Frederick approaches the director for a job. On stage there is an interaction between the Cassandra (played by Dubaru) and the Harlequin (played by Barigni). The Harlequin is supposed to club the Cassandra over the head and only make it appear real but he really does hit him. This is followed by a big fight onstage between those who support Dubaru and the Barignis. The result is that all the Barignis, which is half the cast, quit the Funambules. Now they are missing both a Harlequin and a Pierrot. Frederick volunteers to play the Harlequin and the manager suggests they bring in Baptiste. Dubaru protests because he is ashamed of Baptiste but the director insists.
After the show Baptiste and Frederick are having a drink at a wine kiosk and Frederick says he’s homeless. Baptiste says he can room on credit at Madame Hermine’s where he lives. Baptiste takes him there and then leaves to wander the streets. Frederick seduces Madame Hermine.
Baptiste encounters a blind beggar named Silk Thread on a lonely street and when Silk Thread learns that Baptiste performs at the Funambules he surprises him by saying he loves pantomime. He explains that a friend comes with him and describes the action. Learning that Baptiste is a performer he takes him to The Red Throat Tavern. Silk Thread is well known there and is seated at his favourite table. Someone approaches with some stolen merchandize and Silk Thread appraises it, revealing he is not blind after all, much to Baptiste’s shock.
Lacenaire and his gang, along with Garance enter the tavern. She is unhappy with all their talk of murder and is about to leave when Baptiste asks her to dance. They are happily dancing when Avril grabs Baptiste and pushes him through a window out onto the street. Avril is quite proud of himself but then Baptiste returns, dusts himself off, and then with one kick of savate, knocks Avril to the floor. He then escorts Garance away. When he learns Garance is homeless he takes her to Madame Hermine’s. He also says he’ll get her a job at the Funambules.
In her room he declares his love for her while she just wants him to make love. He leaves because he feels she is too precious to defile. Frederick has no qualms and when he hears Garance singing he makes his way to her room.
They become lovers and Baptiste becomes jealous. He writes it all into the pantomime they perform.
The show becomes popular and Garance also becomes renowned for her beauty. The Count Edouard de Montray is in love with her and comes to watch her every night. He comes to her dressing room to declare his love but she rejects him. He gives her his card to use if she is ever in need.
Garance helps Lacenaire get a room at Madame Hermine’s and then he and Avril try to murder and rob a courier carrying a large payroll. Because of her association with Lacenaire she is about to be arrested as an accomplice. She presents the police with the Count’s card.
Years later, Frederick is a famous actor. He is acting in a poorly written drama that he turns into a hit comedy by mocking the dramatic parts. The authors are insulted and demand satisfaction.
Frederick finds Lacenaire waiting for him in his dressing room. Lacenaire asks for money expecting refusal and then plans to kill and rob Frederick, but he is surprised when Frederick generously gives him a large sum. Frederick, Lacenaire and Avril get drunk. The two crooks become Frederick’s seconds in his duel the next morning.
Frederick is wounded and his play is temporarily cancelled. He goes to see a performance by Baptiste, who is now a superstar. The concierge gets him a seat in the private box of a society woman who comes to see Baptiste perform every night. Frederick is surprised that the woman is Garance. Although not a jealous person he finds himself slightly jealous that Garance still loves Baptiste. But he uses that jealousy in order to play Othello.
He tells Baptiste about Garance but the Ragman has already told Baptiste’s wife Nathalie about her. Nathalie sends her and Baptiste’s little boy to tell Garance that they are happy. By the time Baptiste gets to Garance’s box she is gone. He goes into a deep depression, refuses to perform and locks himself in his old room at Madame Hermine’s.
Garance is a kept woman by the Count although he has never touched her. She comes home to the mansion and finds Lacenaire waiting. Lacenaire meets the count and mocks him.
Frederick performs Othello and Baptiste goes to see him. Also in the audience are Garance and the Count. At the reception the count and his cronies mock Frederick while Baptiste runs into Garance and they kiss on the balcony. Lacenaire opens the curtain to show them and humiliate the count.
Later Lacenaire goes to the count in a Turkish bath, stabs him to death and then rings the bell to wait for the police.
Baptiste and Garance go to her old room and make love all night.
The next morning Nathalie finds them there and confronts Garance. Garance leaves and Baptiste chases after her but the streets are crowded because of the carnival and also the Ragman holds him back. The movie ends there but in the original screenplay Baptiste kills Jericho on the street.
Garance was played by the great Arletty, who for the role received one of the highest salaries ever in French cinema. She started as an artist’s and photographer’s model. At 18 she was a singer in music halls. She made her stage debut at the age of 22. The 1928 operetta Yes was written for her. She didn’t appear in movies until her early 30s. She made her film debut in La douceur d’aimer (The Sweetness of Loving) in 1930. She co-starred in La garconne, Désiré, Aloha le chant des iles, The Little Thing, La chaleur du Sein (Mother Love), Fric-Frac, Le jour se lève (Daybreak), Tempete (Thunder Over Paris), She starred in Amants et voleurs (Lovers and Thieves), Mirages, Madame sans-gene, La femme que j’ai plus aimee (The Woman I Loved Most), Bolero, L’amant de Borneo, At the end of the war it was discovered that she had been the lover of a German officer. She was not allowed to attend the premier of the movie she starred in, Les enfants di paradis. She spent 120 days in prison, was under house arrest for two years, and not permitted to work for three years. She starred as Blanche Dubois in Jean Cocteau’s French version of A Streetcar Named Desire. She later co-starred in Portrait d’un assassin, L’air de Paris, Mon cure chez les pauvres (My Priest Among the Poor), Et ta soeur (And Your Sister), La Gamberge (The Dance), Tempo di Roma (Destination Rome), She starred in Huis-clos (No Exit), She starred in Gigolo, L’amour madame, Le pere de mademoiselle, Un drole de dimanche (Sunday Encounter), Maxime, She went blind in her 60s and could no longer perform. Although treated as a traitor after the war she ended her life as a beloved French icon and the whole country mourned her passing.
May 20, 1996: Brian and I rehearsed
I decided to start having features in June at my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage and that I would be the first one. Brian Haddon and I began rehearsing for that event.
Tuesday, 19 May 2026
May 19, 1996: Another day in the sun with my child
Thirty years ago today
Sunday was another warm day spent with my daughter playing in the open air.
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