July 19, 1996: I now lived almost across the street from The Cameron House

Thirty years ago today

            On Friday evening, now that I lived almost across the street from The Cameron House, it was very convenient to perform on the Spit Fridays open stage in the back room. Afterwards I busked on Queen Street between the Horseshoe Tavern and the Rivoli.

Ben Vereen

            On Thursday morning despite my having steamed the baseboards and laid down diatomaceous earth along them yesterday there were just as many bedbugs on the walls as ever. I noticed that sometimes while I was steaming, the green light on the steamer went off so maybe it wasn’t as hot during those times. Maybe I should only spray when the light is green. Meanwhile I’ll spray down some more diatomaceous earth. 

            The smoke from the wild fires was worse than ever. It’s like living next door to a house that’s on fire. I can see the smoke in the air. 

            I finished working out the chords for “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. On Friday I’ll run through singing and playing them in French and English. 

            I finished memorizing “Je t’aime. Moi aussi” (I Love You. So Do I). I transcribed the chords from the rest of “Je t’aime. Moi non plus” (I Love You. Neither Do I) and placed them on the final verse of the parody. Tomorrow I’ll run through singing and playing it in French and then work on my translation. 

            I weighed 89.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time. I had a discomfort in my chest from the smoke through the whole rehearsal. 

            I weighed 90.9 kilos before lunch.

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride but I felt it would be too dangerous to ride all the way downtown with the air quality so low, so I just rode as far as Ossington and Bloor. I stopped at Freshco on the way home. I planned to do a price match on the grapes but only found four bags of red grapes and one of green that were firm. I got two packs of Canadian blueberries, some bananas, a striploin steak, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, and a jar of salsa. I matched the grapes to the Food Basics price of $4.37 a kilo and Freshco always knocks off a penny a kilo so I got them for $4.36 a kilo. 

            I weighed 90.65 kilos at 17:55. I worked on getting caught up in my journal but was still a day behind at suppertime. 

            I had a potato with gravy, a small chicken leg and some skyr while watching season 10, episode 20 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            Carol introduces Ben Vereen and he gets a standing ovation. Carol says the only other person who ever got such greeting on her show was Sir Laurence Olivier. He introduces his wife and two daughters, asking them to stand up but none of them are willing. He says he hasn’t got a ham besides himself in the family. 

            Carol and Tim play a married couple and Tim is trying to write a eulogy for his best friend Charlie but can’t think of what to say. Carol suggests that he just list all the things Charlie did for him. Tim remembers when they were in basic training together Tim was the worst shot in the whole company but Charlie switched the scorecards so Tim could win the sharpshooter medal. “Three months later all of us sharpshooters got to go oversees. I was lucky enough to go in with the first wave. Poor Charlie is the one who always liked the beach” but had to spend the entire war in Miami. Tim says, “If it weren’t for Charlie I’d have never gotten that Purple Heart”. After the war Charlie asked Tim to be his business partner. All Tim had to offer was the $11,000 in back pay that built up while he was a prisoner of war. Charlie had a second house, a yacht, and a mountain cabin. Carol says, “Oh that mountain cabin! What a place!” Tim says he doesn’t remember Carol ever seeing the mountain cabin. She says she just pictures it from the way Charlie described it. Tim says, “Remember when Charlie used to send me away on those business trips and I’d be gone for months on end! But no matter how long I was gone Charlie would be right here to greet me.” Tim shows Carol a picture of Charlie when he was a kid but Carol corrects him that it’s a picture of their son. Tim wonders if Charlie was on his way to the gym when he died why did he die here. Tim says Charlie was quite a ladies man and every time he had a girlfriend he always bought her a box of candy. Tim wonders why they have a closet full of those boxes of candy. Tim pulls out a gun and tells Carol to say hello to Charlie. 

            A little boy and a little girl are lost and frightened in an enchanted forest. Ben Vereen plays a magical man who jumps out to calm the elements down. He comforts the children by singing “Believe in Yourself” by Charlie Smalls from the 1975 musical The Wiz. The children and some strange animals dance with Ben. The little girl has obviously had some ballet training. 

            Carol and Harvey play a married couple at a table in a cafeteria arguing about Harvey’s plan to have his mother move in with them. Then Ben sits at their table to eat his lunch. Carol makes a point and thinks she sees Ben nodding in agreement. They both keep trying to pull Ben into their argument while he keeps trying to eat his lunch. Harvey wants his mother to have the one bedroom while they sleep on the bed couch. Carol asks Ben if he would kick his wife out of her own bed. Bed says it was the other way around, which is why he became a divorce lawyer. Now that they know he’s a lawyer they try to get his opinion even more but he says he charges for consultations. Finally Ben confronts them each. He tells Harvey to get over his obsession with his mother and learn to leave the nest. He tells Carol to learn some tolerance and stop making fat jokes about her mother-in-law. He declares that both of them are a mess. They are offended by a complete stranger trying to run their lives. Carol tells him to keep his nose out of other people’s business and she and Harvey leave in disgust. 

            It’s been a while since they’ve done the As The Stomach Turns soap opera skit. Marian is saying goodbye to the guests at her daughter’s wake. When all that’s left is the minister she grabs him, dips him, and kisses him. Someone calls to invite her to bridge at 13:30. She tells them she’s in mourning and must wait a respectable amount of time before socializing, so she’ll be there at 14:00. The doorbell rings and it’s Tim in his old man character playing Duane Toddleberry, the oldest insurance agent in Canoga Falls. He sits on the couch and falls asleep with his eyes open. Marian says that’s the first time a man has ever slept in her home. Duane is here about Marian’s $50,000 life insurance policy on her daughter. He thinks she’s still alive and he’s here to get the money back. She says she spent it all on the hall rental, the band, and the open bar for her funeral. he starts looking for Marian’s daughter. There’s a painting of a barn behind the couch and he says he’s going to look inside. She says it’s a painting but Duane opens the little door of the barn and crawls inside. Then he opens the hayloft door and looks out. He sneezes from the hat and gets poked in the face by a tiny pitchfork. The doorbell rings and it’s Harvey in his Mother Marcus Jewish mother drag character. She sits down and announces that she’s become a medium. Marian said she thought she was an extra large. Marcus says she communicates with the dead and so Marian asks her to contact her daughter Jamie. Marcus goes into a trance and asks Jamie to give them a sign. The doorbell rings and it’s Jamie (played by Vicki as usual) and as usual carrying a newly born baby. Marian asks her to forgive her for the way she treated her when she was alive. Jamie tells her she’s not dead and Marian closes the door on her. Jamie smashes through the door and tells Marian that the reason she didn’t die is because a secret government agency put her back together and gave her bionic parts. She says she never wanted legs that can run 100 km an hour. Now nobody can dance with her. Marcus says it must be murder on pantyhose. Marian tells Jamie her friends will understand because they always thought she was fast. Jamie bangs her head against the wall in frustration, causing the foundation to quake, and both she and Duane end up with amnesia. The announcer asks if Jamie will realize how much men love women with amnesia? And will Marian stand trial for insurance fraud or will her case be settled in the judge’s chambers? 

            Carol and Ben to a salute to the songs of Harold Arlen. Ben sings “Hooray for Love” with lyrics by Leo Robin from the 1948 film Casbah. Carol sings “Down With Love” with lyrics by E. Y. Harburg from the 1937 musical Hooray for What!. Ben sings “Over the Rainbow” with lyrics by Harburg from the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz. Carol sings “Blues in the Night” with lyrics by Johnny Mercer from the 1941 film of the same name. Ben sings “A Sleepin Bee” with lyrics by Truman Capote and Arlen from the 1954 musical House of Flowers. Carol sings “The Man that Got Away” with lyrics by Ira Gershwin from the 1954 film A Star is Born. Ben sings the 1948 song “For Every Man There’s a Woman” with lyrics by Robin. Carol sings “Someone at Last” also from A Star is Born. Ben sings “T’morra T’morra” with lyrics by Harburg from the 1944 musical Bloomer Girl. They sing together “Ain’t it the Truth” with lyrics by Harburg from the 1943 film Cabin in the Sky. Ben sings “Get Happy” with lyrics by Ted Koehler from the 1930 musical The Nine Thirteen Revue while Carol sings the 1944 song “Ac-Cent-Choo-Ate the Positive” with lyrics by Mercer. They sing “The Eagle and Me” from Bloomer Girl. They sing “Any Place I Hang Ny Hat” with lyrics by Mercer from the 1946 musical St Louis Woman. They sing “We’re Off to See the Wizard” from The Wizard of Oz. Ben sings “I Love a Parade” with lyrics by Koehler from the 1931 revue Rhythmania. Carol sings “That Old Black Magic” from the 1942 film Star Spangled Rhythm and “My Shining Hour” from the 1943 film The Sky’s the Limit with lyrics by Mercer. They sing “Gotta Have Me Go With You” from A Star is Born. They sing the 1932 song “”I’ve Got the World on a String” with lyrics by Koehler. They sing “Hit the Road to Dreamland” from Star Spangled Rhythm. They sing “Don’t Like Goodbyes” from House of Flowers. They end with the beginning as usual and sing “Hooray for Love”. 

            Ben Vereen graduated from The High School of the Performing Arts. In 1964 at the age of 18 he made his New York stage debut in The Prodigal Son. He was the understudy for Sammy Davis Jr. for the Broadway show Golden Boy. He made his film debut in Sweet Charity in 1969. He was the first simultaneous winner of Entertainer of the Year, Rising Star, and Song and Dance Star from the American Guild of Variety Artists. He was Emmy nominated for playing Chicken George in the series Roots. He was nominated for a Tony in 1972 for his performance in the original production of Jesus Christ Superstar and won the award the next year for Pippin. IHe co-starred in Funny Lady, Buy and Cell, Time Out of Mind, In 1981 he performed in blackface at Ronald Reagon’s first inauguration but ABC cut it. He was trying to make a critical statement about Republican policies. He starred in the series Ten Speed and Brown Shoe. He played Webster’s uncle on Webster. He appeared in 62 episodes of Zoobilee Zoo and 11 episodes of Silk Stalkings. He played Geordi LaForge’s father on an episode of Star Trek The Next Generation. He appeared in five episodes of J.J. Starbuck. He was his godson Usher’s acting coach. In 1989 he started Celebrities for a Drug Free America. In 2018 four actors accused him of sexual harassment during a production of Hair that he was directing.

July 18, 1996: I got my phone connected

Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday I got my phone connected at my new place.

Jaye P. Morgan

            On Wednesday morning I placed the chords for the third and fourth verses and the second chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian according to the pattern of the first and second verses and the first chorus. The last verse is the same as the first and so for now I gave it the same chords. So far I only had time to check if the chords for the third verse fit, and they do. On Thursday I’ll see if the rest are correct. 

            I memorized the second verse of “Je t’aime. Moi aussi” (I Love You. So Do I). I transcribed the chords from the second verse of “Je t’aime. Moi non plus” (I Love You. Neither Do I) and placed them on the second verse of the parody. There are only four lines left to nail down so I might have it done tomorrow. 

            I weighed 89.05 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since July 7. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune more than half the time. 

            While I was playing and singing I saw two guys from The City of Toronto finally come to replace the bike post ring in front of my place, seven months after I reported to them that it had been knocked off by a snowplow. I gave them the old ring and told them how long ago I’d called them. He said they just got the paperwork that day. 

            Today I had to do laundry and wanted to wash both pairs of shorts but wanted something cool to wear. I tried cutting off a pair of jeans at the point they were ripped but they were so short it that if I wore them I would have looked like an old hustler. So I cut off an old pair of dockers at the point where they were torn. They didn’t look too short when I was standing but when I was on my bike the pockets hung down below the cut-offs and it looked ridiculous, but they served their purpose. 

            I weighed 89.3 kilos at 16:10. 

            My daughter Astrid and I were going to watch Wednesday in the evening on Discord but she messaged me while I was doing laundry that she would be sleeping in the evening and offered to watch it at our alternative time of 13:00. I wouldn’t have been able to and so we’ll be skipping watching the show this week. 

            I took a siesta and slept an extra hour. 

            I weighed 90.25 kilos at 19:55. 

            I was still a day behind in my journal and worked on catching up but remained behind at suppertime. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with rosée tomato sauce, tomato pesto, wedge oven fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 10, episode 19 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            In the Tudball-Wiggins sketch, Tudball asks Mrs. Wiggins where she is going on her one week vacation and she tells him Vegas. He suggests she try blackjack and she asks, “Who’s he?” He tries to explain that it’s a game and how it is played but she doesn’t understand. He suggests they play the game for real money so she can learn it. She says, “I thought your wife made you promise you wouldn’t gamble anymore”. He says they don’t have to tell her. She tries to bet a nickel but he tells her she has to bet at least $2 in Vegas. She gets 21 on the very first deal and wins $3 because one wins one and a half times what one bet. She bets all $5 for the next game. She is dealt two cards and doesn’t want any more. Tudball ends up busting with 27. Wiggins reveals she only has two threes but wins. Now she has $10 but says she has to get back to work. Tudball wants to keep playing. He offers her a chance to double her money and has her pick a card from the deck. He asks her what the card is and she says the four of hearts. He declares that it’s the four of hearts and that he wins but then she says, “Or is it the four of spades?” He looks and sees it’s the four of clubs so she wins since he didn’t guess her card. Mrs. Wiggins is about to leave for her one week vacation when the phone rings and it’s Mrs. Tudball. He begs Wiggins not to tell his wife he was gambling. Wiggins asks him if she should tell her or if she should leave for her two week vacation. 

            Eydie Gormé sings “What I Did For Love” by Marvin Hamlisch and Edward Kleban from the 1975 musical A Chorus Line. 

            When she is done, Carol comes out and says, “Brave, sad Eydie! I know how you must be suffering”. “What are you talking about? I’m not suffering.” “I hated finding out about you and Steve Lawrence the way I did”. “What about us?” Then Carol shows her a gossip magazine and reads, “Eydie spilled the beans that when Steve started hitting the sauce she threw in the towel”. Eydie tells her she has to read under the headlines: “On the Dinah Shore Show Eydie Gormé spilled the beans she was preparing when her husband Steve Lawrence was adding barbecue sauce to the recipe. Eydie then threw in a towel and caught most of it”. Then Eydie reads the headline, “Carol Burnett confesses that she’s a streetwalker and loves it”. Underneath it reads that Carol loves to exercise even if it’s a walk on the street”. They both swear off gossip magazines but then Eydie reads that the Bionic Woman tells how she got the parts. 

            Carol plays Mrs. Ferguson, whose husband has just been kidnapped. The police have just finished questioning her and now reporter Leo McKenzie comes with a film crew to interview her. She gives an emotional account of receiving the call from the kidnappers who said they had Arthur. They demanded a large sum of money or else he would be killed. When she’s done one of the technicians says the sound wasn’t right so she is asked to repeat the same account with the same emotion. When she’s done she says she wants to do another take because she thinks she can do it better. Her next account is extremely over dramatized. When they are gone she calls up a friend and is thrilled to announce that she’s going to be on the prime time news. 

            In the Mama’s Family sketch Ed is home alone looking for food only to find that there’s no bread and no crackers. Then Eunice and Mama arrive with Eunice carrying a big box. Eunice has bought clothes and accessories to wear because she is going to perform on a national TV show. Ed is angry that she’s been ignoring her duties as a housewife and a mother but Eunice is unrepentant because she thinks she’ll be a star after her appearance and may get a regular part on a TV series. She triumphantly reads out loud the letter she received telling her they enjoyed her audition and would love to have her perform on The Gong Show. Ed complains about the expenses and her air fare but Eunice argues that altogether everything costs about $500. In 15 years of marriage she hasn’t asked for anything for herself. $500 dollars over 15 years amounts to about 5 cents a day. She tells Ed for him to hire somebody to do what she’s done for him and see how much it costs. Mama suggests to Ed that he should be paying her to take care of his kids while Eunice is gone. Ed tells her to get her hand out of his pocket and reminds her that he didn’t charge her anything to lay her linoleum, fix her toilet and put up her screen door. Eunice rehearses her song, which is the 1974 song “Feelings” by Morris Albert and Louis Gasté. In the middle of the song Eunice adds a monologue about feelings that she had once when she skinned her knee while skipping rope, how she had her heart broken in high school, and how she feels when she sees the morning sun caressing the walls of the grain emporium. Then she finishes the song. Ed suggests that she might get gonged but Eunice says they only gong the bad acts and not class acts like hers. Flash forward to The Gong Show backstage as Eunice is one act away from going on. Ed calls her and asks when she’s coming home but Eunice says she’s never coming home. She’s going to buy a big house with a pool and a bodyguard to keep him and Mama off her property. Chuck Barris introduces Eunice Higgins and she starts singing “Feelings”. When she gets to the chorus we see the panel reacting. Jamie Farr looks like he’s in pain, Jaye P. Morgan is holding her ears, and Allen Ludden is cringing as well. They all hit the gong together before she’s done with the chorus. We see that Eunice is devastated. 

            Carol and Eydie do a salute to the songs of Hollywood. They sing “Hooray for Hollywood” by Richard A. Whiting and Johnny Mercer from the 1937 film Hollywood Hotel. Eydie sings “The Way We Were” by Marvin Hamlisch and Alan and Marilyn Bergman from the 1973 movie of the same name. They sing “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head” by Burt Bacharach and Hal David from the 1969 film Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. They sing “Born Free” by John Barry and Don Black from the 1966 movie of the same name. Then “What’s New Pussycat?” by Bacharach and David from the 1965 film. They sing “Chim Chim Cheree” by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman from the 1965 movie Mary Poppins. They sing “If You Feel Like Singing Sing” by Harry Warren and Mack Gordon from the 1950 movie Summer Stock. They sing “Be a Clown” and “Mack the Black” by Cole Porter from the 1948 film The Pirate. They sing “The Trolley Song” and “The Boy Next Door” by Ralph Blane and Hugh Martin from the 1944 movie Meet Me in St Louis. “Over the Rainbow” and “We’re Off to See the Wizard” by Harold Arlen and Yip Harburg from the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz. “Thanks for the Memory” by Ralph Rainger and Leo Robin from The Big Broadcast of 1938. “I’m Wishing” and “Whistle While You Work” by Frank Churchill and Larry Morey from the 1937 movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. “Theme from San Franciso” by Bronislaw Kaper, Walter Jurmann, and Gus Kahn from the 1936 film San Francisco. “Top Hat White Tie and Tails” by Irving Berlin from the 1935 film Top Hat. “I Won’t Dance” by Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields from the 1935 film Roberta. “Let Yourself Go” by Berlin from the 1936 film Follow the Fleet. “The Continental” by Con Conrad and Herb Magidson from the 1934 film The Gay Divorcee. Eydie sings part of a song in Spanish. Then “Lullaby of Broadway” by Harry Warren and Al Dubin from the 1935 film. “42nd Street” by Warren and Dubin from the 1933 film. Carol sings “On the Good Ship Lollipop” by Richard A. Whiting and Sidney Clare from the 1934 film Bright Eyes. Eydie sings “Stay as Sweet as You Are” by Harry Revel and Mack Gordon from the 1934 film College Rhythm. Carol sings Animal Crackers in My Soup by Irving Caesar and Ted Koehler from the 1935 movie Curly Top. “Should I Reveal” by Nacio Herb Brown and Arthur Freed from the 1929 film Lord Byron of Broadway. “Am I Blue” by Harry Akst and Grant Clarke from the 1929 film On With the Show. “Keep Your Sunny Side Up” by Rau Henderson, B.G. De Sylva and Lew Brown from the 1929 movie Sunny Side Up. “Sonny Boy” by the same three from the 1928 movie The Singing Fool. “My Mammy” by Walter Donaldson, Joe Young and Sam M. Lewis from the 1927 movie The Jazz Singer. As usual they finish with the song that started them off but this time they are shown standing in front of the actual Hollywood sign as the camera is probably pulling away in a helicopter. 

            Jaye P. Morgan graduated from high school in 1949 and sought a career as a cabaret singer. She sang with the Frank de Vol Orchestra and her first big hit was “Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries” in 1951. From 1954 to 1955 she was a vocalist on the show Stop the Music. In 1955 she had five hits: “All I Want from You” hit #5, “The Longest Walk” was #6, “Danger Heartbreak Ahead” and “If You Don’t Want My Love” both reached #12, and “Pepper Hot Baby” made it to #14. She was a regular vocalist on the Robert Q. Lewis Show. In 1959 her version of “Are You Lonesome Tonight” made it to #65 before Elvis recorded it. She sang the theme song for the 1975 sitcom Fay. She made several appearances on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show. From 1976 to 1978 she was a regular panelist on The Gong Show” until she was fired for exposing her breasts.

July 17, 1996: I saw my former landlady come home with her newborn bundle of psycho

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday morning I was packing the rest of my stuff at 111 Sheridan Avenue when I noticed my now former landlady Helga Schlatter come home from the hospital with her newborn bundle of future psycho. Brian Haddon used his car to help me move the remainder of my things to the new place at 428 Queen West.

Ken Darby

            On Tuesday morning I saw a lot of bedbugs. My landlord should be in jail for his negligence. 

            I worked out the chords for the chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. That probably completes the chord pattern for the song but I’ll find out for sure tomorrow. 

            I weighed 90.2 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since June 29. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time. 

            I sanded the inside edge and the underside where the glass sits of my future bathroom mirror frame to prepare it for painting. I discovered a few days ago after thinking that I’d finished painting the frame that some of the unpainted underside of the mirror frame is visible in the reflection. I’d never really noticed before but the big mirrors above my mantles also show the unpainted undersides of the frame. 

            I weighed 90.75 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and as I was passing Long and McQuade I saw my old friend Tom Smarda. The last time I saw him was about a year and a half ago when he came to my book launch. He’s looking old and gaunt. We chatted for about ten minutes. He says he’s preparing for his annual camping trip up north and was just buying some extra guitar strings. 

            When I got home I went over to the liquor store to buy a six-pack of Creemore. 

            I weighed 89.2 kilos at 18:00. July 5 was the last evening when I was so easy on the scale. 

            I was still a day behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up but remained behind at suppertime. 

            It was too hot to use the stove so I just had a cold chicken leg with chips, salsa and skyr, plus a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 10, episode 17 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone asks Carol if her kids are interested in showbusiness. She says she’d encourage them because she’s having a good time but not until they finish school. They all did get into the business in different ways. 

            Someone asks Carol if her hair is naturally red. She pretends to avoid the question but shakes her head and shows her roots. 

            In the Mr. Tudball-Mrs. Wiggins sketch, Mr. Tudball can see through his office window that his secretary Mrs. Wiggins is just sitting at her desk and staring into space. He asks her what she’s doing and she says she’s getting ready to go to lunch. She has a date and is thinking of what restaurant he should take her. Tudball asks what happened to her husband. She says they split up a couple of weeks ago. He asks sarcastically if they argued about the theory of relativity. She says without understanding that his relatives had nothing to do with it. Tudball tells her that there are still fifteen minutes before lunch and suggests that she do some work. She says she can sharpen some pencils. The sharpener is on the wall and she moves her behind to the rhythm of turning the crank. Her date Arnold (played by Rock Hudson) arrives with flowers. She says she told him not to pick her up until noon. She tells him to stand in the corner and so he does, facing the wall like a child in school being punished. Tudball puts his hand on Wiggins’s shoulder and tells Arnold they make a nice couple. Arnold tells Tudball that if he doesn’t take his arm off her shoulder he’s going to take his arm off his shoulder. Arnold says they’re having lunch on his yacht. He owns a chain of 120 hardware stores. Wiggins says boats make her sick and she wants to have lunch at the Chili Schnitzel. Wiggins goes to get washed up and Tudball tells Arnold that he met Wiggins two years ago in the hospital when she was in for some brain tests. Wiggins is ready to go but the phone rings and it’s for her. She says “Yeah” four times and then hangs up. She orders Arnold to go and stand in the corner again. She tells Tudball that it was her husband on the phone and they are getting back together. She wants Tudball to break it to Arnold but Tudball suggests she tell him herself. She says her husband doesn’t want her to talk with strange men. Tudball tells him and then Arnold falls to his knees starts begging Wiggins not to leave him. She says “No!” and he says there’s nothing left to live for. But then an attractive woman comes into the office by mistake looking for a different business and suddenly Arnold gives her the flowers he brought for Wiggins and follows her out. 

            Steve Lawrence sings “You Take My Heart Away” by Bill Conti, Ayn Robbins, and Carol Connors from the 1976 film Rocky. 

            Carol and Rock play Linda and Steve Bradshaw, a married couple who are also news anchors. She’s mad at him and expresses it through her reading of the headlines while he responds in kind. Every line of their argument is a quote of someone in the news. He speaks of storm warnings and advises extreme caution. She says divorce rates are up because of middle aged husbands who are insecure about their masculinity. He says a study shows that women who compete for men’s jobs suffer from a loss of sex appeal. He confesses his transgression and asks for forgiveness through his reading of the headlines. She says later she’ll be hosting For Housewives Only when she’ll be discussing "Making His Guilt Your Gain". 

            Carol, Harvey, Vicki, and Tim come out in black formal wear to give what looks like a classical performance. They proceed to do the 1939 song “In The Mood” by Wingy Manone, Andy Razaf, and Joe Garland but they do it entirely in chicken voices (bahk bahk bahk), with Carol doing the lead and the others doing the harmonies. 

            Vicki and Harvey play a married couple who have arranged to meet another couple played by Carol and Steve in a restaurant. Vicki and Harvey have chosen Carol and Steve to serve as the guardians of their children in case anything should happen to them. Up until now they have avoided taking planes, trains, or even elevators together so their kids don’t lose both parents at the same time. Carol and Steve speak of how honoured they are and how much they love Vicki and Harvey’s children. But Carol presents herself as a heavy drinker and she and Steve argue over the slightest thing. Carol suggests Steve is cheating on her. Vicki and Harvey leave the table briefly and Carol and Steve discuss that they think their plan is working to scare Vicki and Harvey away from having them be guardians of their brats. Vicki and Harvey return and say they’ve made up their minds. Carol and Steve argue just as much as they do and they think that it would make their kids feel right at home to have them as guardians.

            Their musical tribute is to the songs of Jule Styne. They begin with “Everything’s Coming Up Roses” with lyrics by Stephen Sondheim from the 1959 musical Gypsy. Steve and Harvey sing “Together (Wherever We Go)” and “All I Need is the Girl” from the same musical. Harvey and Vicki sing the 1945 song “It’s Been a Long Long Time” with lyrics by Sammy Cahn. Carol and Steve sing “It’s Magic” with lyrics by Cahn from the 1947 film Romance On the High Seas. Rock sings “People” with lyrics by Bob Merrill from the 1964 musical Funny Girl. Steve sings “Comes Once in a Lifetime” with lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green from the 1961 musical Subways Are for Sleeping. Carol sings “I’m Just a Little Girl from Little Rock” with lyrics by Leo Robin from the 1949 musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Then she sings “I’ve Heard That Song Before” with lyrics by Cahn from the 1942 film Youth On Parade. Then she sings “Small World” also from Gypsy. Then “The Second Time You Meet” with lyrics by Cahn from the 1957 musical Say Darling (except Carol changes the lyric from “We have so much in common” to “We have nothing in common”. Rock and Carol sing “You Are Woman I Am Man” with lyrics by Merrill from Funny Girl. They kiss but then Steve separates them and sings “You’re My Girl” with lyrics by Cahn from the 1947 musical High Button Shoes. But she grabs Rock and sings, “You’ll Never Get Away From Me” from Gypsy. The sing the 1941 song “I Don’t Want to Walk Without You Baby” with lyrics by Frank Loesser. Steve grabs another girl and sings, “Just in Time” with lyrics by Comden and Green from the 1956 musical Bells Are Ringing. Vicki sings to Harvey “The Party’s Over” from Bells Are Ringing. Harvey sings “Five Minutes More” with lyrics by Cahn from the 1946 film Sweetheart of Sigma Chi. Everybody sings “Bye Bye Baby” with lyrics by Leo Robin from the 1949 musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. 

            The Ernie Flatt Dancers always appear to be singing during chorus segments but apparently they were always lip synching to vocals by the Ken Darby Singers who were not credited. 

            Ken Darby founded The King’s Men in 1929. They performed on radio (Fibber McGee and Molly from 1940 to 1953), on records, in film (Honolulu in which they parodied The Marx Brothers musically), and later on TV. His group The Ken Darby singers can be heard on Bing Crosby’s recording of “White Christmas”. He was a writer and production supervisor for Walt Disney. He was musical and choral director for Song of the South. With lyricist Gordon Jenkins he wrote several songs, including “How the West Was Won”, “Whispering Wind”, and “Make Mine Music”. He was the main composer and lyricist for the Elvis hit “Love Me Tender”, although he was not credited. He co-scored The King and I, South Pacific, Porgy and Bess, Flower Drum Song, and Camelot. He wrote the theme song and the soundtrack for the shows The Life and Legend of Wyatt Earp and The Adventures of Jim Bowie. He was Marilyn Monroe’s vocal coach for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and There’s No Business Like Show Business. His film scores won three Oscars and one Grammy. He wrote The Brownstone House of Nero Wolfe in 1983.

July 16, 1996: After my open stage we went to the Country Style

Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage. Afterwards we might have gone for coffee at the Country Style donut shop across the street.