I came close to memorizing the fifth and final verse of “Dessous mon pull” (Under My Sweater) by Serge Gainsbourg so there’s a good chance I’ll have it nailed down tomorrow.
I weighed 89.25 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since March 4.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time.
I weighed 89.5 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco to buy grapes but they were all too soft. So I crossed the street to Metro only to find that their grapes were no firmer and so I wasted my time.
I weighed 89.35 kilos at 18:40.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal.
My upstairs neighbour David gave me a pack of eight thinly sliced eye of round steaks on Friday. Tonight I grilled them in the oven and had three with a potato and gravy while watching season three, episode 16 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup Carol brings out California Governor Ronald Reagan. He tells her that she’s practically part of the administration because his family sees her every week. Someone asks if Carol will be his running mate. He says he’ll win for sure if she is.
In the first skit Soupy Sales plays a guy in the hospital scamming his insurance company over several fake injuries that his brother-in-law doctor is helping him scam. Fireside Girl Alice Portnoy (played by Carol) arrives asking for donations for the patients in the poorer wards. Soupy gives her a nickel. She says she saw him jump in front of a truck that wasn’t even moving. He gives her a quarter and she promises not to tell anyone, not even her uncle the policeman. He gives her all of his change. She asks if there is anything can do for him and he shakes his head. She asks if he’s sure and he nods his head. Then she says, “Congratulations sir. Your whiplash is cured. I’ll call the nurse”. He gives her $5. She is leaving and says to say hello to his brother-in-law the doctor. He gives her all the money in his wallet, which is $30. She says that’s nothing compared to the quarter million he’ll be getting from the insurance company. She says the Fireside Girls should get 30%. He begins chasing her and ends up falling out the window and she calls to him that his injuries are real this time.
Mel Tormé sings “Hurry On Down” by Nellie Lutcher from 1947.
In the Carol and Sis sketch, Carol is on a hunger strike because Roger won’t take her with him on his business trip to Hawaii. Roger’s boss Mr. Phillips is coming over to discuss the trip and Chrissie (played by Vickie Lawrence) has made hors d’oeuvres, which are driving Carol crazy. Roger comes home and is trying to get Carol to go to bed but then Phillips arrives and wants to have Carol sit with him because he likes to get to know the wives. He’s eating the hors d’oeuvres and Carol is holding her face close to his to watch. Phillips learns that Carol isn’t going on the trip and it turns out that he thinks she should. Roger lies that it was Carol’s decision. It is settled that Carol is going after all and she begins pigging out on the hors d’oeuvres. Phillips leaves and Roger asks angrily if she’s satisfied that she’s going to Hawaii now. She says she doesn’t know if she can go now because she has a stomach ache.
The next set of skits and musical numbers are part of a series that pays tribute to the great Hollywood movie studios. At the turn of the century the four Warner Brothers travelled west to create the studio that still bears their name.
In the first skit Carol plays Bugs Bunny while Soupy plays Elmer Fudd. Bugs bends Elmer’s shotgun to point back at himself. Harvey plays Porky Pig doing the stuttering finally of “D-d-d that’s all folks!”
Carol and Mel sing a song to the tune of “Ain’t We Got Fun” about the biographies that Warner Brothers did of George Gershwin, George M. Cohan, the great Cole Porter that fabulous man, Eddie Cantor (played by Keefe Brasselle), and Gus Khan (played by Danny Thomas).
Harvey and Mel sing “Makin Whoopie” by Gus Khan and Walter Donaldson.
Vicki and Mel sing “Let’s Do It, Let’s Fall in Love” and “I Get a Kick Out of You” by Cole Porter.
Soupy sings “Now’s the Time to Fall in Love” by Al Sherman and Al Lewis.
Carol sings “S’wonderful” by George Gershwin.
Everybody sings “You’re a Grand old Flag” by George M. Cohan.
Lyle does an intro to a parody of Joan Crawford who was a star in the 20s and is still a star. She was the master of “the woman’s picture”. For Warner Brothers she played tough career women who were successful in business but unsuccessful in love.
Carol plays Joan Crawford playing Mildred Fierce. She dictates a letter to her secretary played by Soupy: “Dear sir, I do not like the way you are conducting business. Either you shape up or ship out. Signed Mildred Fierce. Soupy asks, “Who do I send this to?” Mildred says, “The president of the United States”. She calls her psychiatrist and tells him she’s distraught as a window washer lowers himself on a rope outside her office window. She says to her psychiatrist, “That’s ridiculous! I do not hate men! Excuse me…” She puts down the phone to pick up some scissors and cut the window washer’s rope. Then a handsome man (played by Lyle) walks in. Mildred tells the entire story of what she imagines their potential relationship to be from the romantic beginning to the terrible and then she slaps his face. He says, “Lady I just came in to check the air conditioning!” Then her ex-husband played by Mel comes in with Mildred’s young daughter who is dressed exactly like Mildred in a striped power suit with fierce shoulder pads. Mildred asks, “Why didn’t you tell me we had a child?” She hugs her and says, “We must spend more time together. On your way out make an appointment”. Mel asks for a job and Mildred asks if he wants to be a window washer. Mildred wonders when she’ll meet a man stronger than she is. Then a tough looking working class man walks in and tells her he’s the one. She admits he has an animal magnetism and he says that’s because he came straight from the gym. He says he’ll be gentle but she says he doesn’t have to because she’s wearing shoulder pads. They kiss and then Soupy comes in with a telegram. Mildred says, “Here hold this” and Soupy takes Harvey in his arms while Mildred reads the telegram. It tells her she’s been drafted.
Vicki says “In the 40s all the major studios ran dramatic schools for their contract players”. Carol plays an instructor in a Warner Brothers school for future leading men. She shows pictures of several male movie starts and asks, “Are they handsome, are they charming?” The answer is they’re not. “When you get right down to cases they’re a pretty homely lot”. What they have is meanness. “Once you cultivate a sneer you will hear the people cheer”. You gotta be rough and tumble, don’t be humble, ladies adore a swine”. “Snarl and gnash your teeth, turn your feelings on and off like a machine… You’re on very solid ground when you slap the dames around.” Then the dancers do a routine that demonstrates manhandling women. There is a lot of fake slapping and it’s something like an Apache dance but with several dancers. Then Harvey pushes a grapefruit half into Carol’s face like the famous scene from Public Enemy with James Cagney and Mae Clarke.
Mr. Phillips was played by Harold Gould who earned a PHD in Theatre and then taught Speech and Drama at Cornell University. He made his professional theatre debut as Thomas Jefferson in The Common Glory in 1955. He made his TV debut in Dennis the Menace in 1961. He made his film debut in Two for the Seesaw in 1962. He played Honore Vashon on Hawaii Five-O. He played Marlo Thomas’s father in the That Girl pilot. On Love American Style he was the first actor to play Howard Cunningham. He was invited to do the Happy Days pilot but he had a previous commitment. He played Rhoda’s father on Rhoda. He co-starred in the short-lived sitcom The Feather and Father Gang. He played Louis B, Mayer in The Scarlett O’Hara War for which he received one of his five Emmy nominations. He played Miles Webber on Golden Girls. He co-starred in Master of Disguise. In 2005 he did a 12 city tour of Tuesdays with Morrie. He was married to Lea Vernon for 60 years.

















