July 5, 1996: Keith Anderson was pretty racist

Thirty years ago today 

            On Friday I was working as a swamper for Keith Anderson Moving and Storage. We had moved somebody to around Forest Hill and we were unloading when who walks up the street but my bandmate Brian Haddon. It was a strange coincidence to run into him there. He said he was just running some errands. Keith Anderson was a bit of a racist. Whenever he moved someone who was Jewish he always left the most expensive item on the truck until after they’d paid the bill. He claimed that in his experience Jews would always argue about the bill otherwise. His practice often caused a lot of argument anyway.

Pat Proft

            On Friday morning I did the first draft of a translation of about a third of “Ça” (That), which is a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. 

            I weighed 89.55 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and as usual it went out of tune for the first half and then settled mostly into tune. 

            I finished adding the second and final coat of the “crazy in love” shade of pink to the outside halves of the four floral reliefs on my future bathroom mirror frame. On Sunday I’ll work on finishing the outside halves. 

            I weighed 90.25 kilos before lunch. 

            My toilet is leaking somewhere. At first I thought water was seeping from underneath and added more silicone but there’s wetness above the silicone. I tightened the bolt that secures the toilet to the floor in case it’s coming through that bolt hole. 

            I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            When I got back I realized that the water is coming from the back of the tank or the pipes back there so I turned the water off. I’d rather call a plumber myself than deal with the landlord so maybe I’ll do that on Monday. 

            I weighed 89.85 kilos at 17:55. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:53. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity, then extracted to my hard drive side 2 of the tape I started digitizing a few days go. These were all takes of my song “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” as I continued to communicate to Mike what I wanted from the drums. The next tape I’ll digitize has more polished takes of the same song. 

            I worked on digitally enhancing one of my old photos. 

            It was too hot to use the stove and so I just had potato chips with salsa and skyr and a piece of finger beef. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching the ninth season finale of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone asks Carol if her children want to get into show business. She says all three are kind of hammy and she would encourage them but she wouldn’t put them on her show. She says, “My old lady didn’t have a television show”. Her daughter Carrie Hamilton became a writer and an actor but she died at 38. Her daughter Judy Hamilton became a film and TV producer and sometimes actor. Her daughter Erin Hamilton became a singer of dance and electronic music. 

            Someone asks who does the sound effects for the show and Carol says it’s Ross Murray. 

            A 14 year old boy tells Carol his Canadian grandfather has a crush on her so he asks if he can make him jealous by kissing her. She lets him come up and she snuggles him then kisses him on the cheeks. 

            In the Mama’s Family sketch Ed is preparing to leave for a hardware convention in Chicago. Mickey Hart was going to run the store for the three days he’d be gone but he convinces Ed that it would benefit the business better if they both went. They are about to leave when Eunice comes home with Mama. Mama doesn’t know why Ed is going at all since at his age he’s not going to get any new ideas. Ed doesn’t want Eunice to know that he’s taking Mickey because he’d already told her she couldn’t go. But Mickey lets it slip that he needs to pick up his pajamas. Now Eunice is upset and finally Ed gives in and says she can go. She is happy but she also says she doesn’t think Ed will get anything from the convention because he’s so empty headed, but she’s going to have fun. Finally Ed says that he didn’t want Eunice to go because she’s no fun and so he decides to take Mickey after all and leaves. Eunice plots her revenge. 

            In the Mr. Tudball and Mrs. Wiggins sketch starring Tim and Carol, it’s Mrs. Wiggins’ birthday. He wants to give her a party but it’s almost 17:00 and she wants to leave. He gives her a gift but she says this is putting her into overtime. The gift is a coffee mug with her name on it. He presents her with a cake but she says she can’t eat cake because it makes her break out and she leaves. He ends up with the cake upside down on his lap. 

            The Ernie Flatt Dancers do a number while dressed as babies to the 1926 song “Baby Face” by Harry Akst and Benny Davis. 

            Carol and Harvey play a couple who are just coming home from a movie. She was impressed with how the couple in the film were so honest with each other. She encourages Harvey to offer a criticism of her. He’s reluctant but finally says her forehead is too high. She points out that the couple in the movie didn’t criticize physical traits but emotional ones like apathy. His criticism bothers her and so he tells her to give him a dig to make it even. She says his ears are lop sided and that his belly button is an outie. She says sexy men like Paul Newman and Robert Redford have innies. He tells her that her toes curl up and this really upsets her. They make up and say they love all those things about the other. He says he loves her turkey neck too, which he hadn’t mentioned before so they are uneven again. 

            The ending of the last show always features her Charwoman character. She gets kissed goodbye by Tim, Harvey, and Vicki then she visits the Mama’s Family set, the Tudball-Wiggins set, and the Queen Elizabeth set. Then she sings the extended version of her theme song. 

            One of the writers for The Carol Burnett Show was Pat Proft, who started out in Dudley Riggs’ Brave New Workshop in the mid 60s. In the late 60s he had his own comedy act. He performed at The Comedy Store and that led to joining Kentucky Fried Theatre. He wrote for The Smothers Brothers. He co-wrote the screenplays for Police Academy, Bachelor Party, Real Genius, The Naked Gun, Lucky Stiff, The Naked Gun 2, Hotshots, Hotshots deux, Naked Gun 3, High School High, Scary Movie 3, 4, and 5, Mr. Magoo, Mostly Ghostly, and Bachelor Party 2. He wrote the screenplay for Brain Donors. He wrote and directed Wrongfully Accused. He wrote and produced Moving Violations.

July 4, 1996: I paid my last month's rent with a post-dated cheque

Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday I left a post dated cheque on the kitchen counter for my last month’s rent at 111 Sheridan Avenue then I walked to get on the Lansdowne bus to ride to the subway. The bus was still sitting there when Peter got on and confronted me about the cheque. He held up the bus while I calmly told him it was the best I could do.

Bo Kaprall

            On Thursday morning I started translating “Ça” (That), which is a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. A middle aged version of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin are discussing practicing eroticism versus reality. 

            I weighed 89.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the last of two sessions and of course it went out of tune all the time. 

            I worked on catching up on my journal. 

            I weighed 90.45 kilos before lunch.

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco. I bought seven bags of cherries, a pack of blueberries, some bananas, a loaf of sliced multigrain sandwich bread, two packs of Full City Dark coffee, and a jar of salsa. I did a price match on the cherries with the No Frills price of $4.34 a kilo. Priscilla the cashier was amazed that I’d saved $72 on the cherries and was discussing it with another cashier. I actually saved $64 on the cherries and $12 on two other purchases.

            I weighed 89.9 kilos at 18:15. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:40. 

            I grilled seven strips of finger beef and had one with a potato and gravy while watching season 9, episode 23 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone asks if Vicki had her baby. Carol says Courtney Allison Schultz was born nine months ago. 

            At a company called Kennon Escrow, Florence (played by Carol) and Edgar (played by Harvey) work as accountants in an extremely cramped office. But over their twenty years together they’ve worked out a system for dealing with their confined space. Harvey has to step on a garbage can to get over Carol’s desk to his. He hands her the inbox items while she hands him those for the outbox. She hands him the debit and he hands her the credit. He hands her the open accounts and she hands him the closed accounts. There is one phone with a long line and when it’s for Harvey she tosses it to him. When she has to file something she calls out “File!” and he ducks because the file cabinet drawer is impossibly long and would take his head off if he didn’t duck. When she closes it she calls “Finished!” and he can sit up again. The boss (played by Vicki) comes in with their new employee Mr. Barker (played by Tim). She tells Barker he can share Edgar’s desk. He has an extremely difficult time getting to Edgar’s desk and then it’s even harder to maneuver himself into his chair. There is a call for Barker but when Florence tosses him the phone it goes out the window. When Edgar uses the typewriter it’s at Barker’s side of the desk and it keeps hitting him in the face when Edgar uses the return. Vicki comes in with a bottle of champagne because it’s Florence and Edgar’s twentieth anniversary. After a toast she gives them the rest of the day off. Barker is alone and about to relax when the file cabinet drawer hits him in the head. 

             Carol and Jack Klugman play a couple who frequently miss dates with one another because they get it wrong where they are supposed to meet. They sing a song about it. He proves with his appointment book that he was at the right location and she apologizes. But she wonders who “Jean” is and he explains that Jean is a male jeweller who was going to show him some wedding rings. She’s very happy but he predicts she’ll get the wedding location wrong. She has to go to meet her sister but they’re going to meet for dinner at O’Hara’s. He writes down Gallagher's. 

            Carol and Jack play a married couple. He is a writer although not yet published. Her sister is coming over with her new boyfriend who claims to be a clairvoyant. Vicki arrives with Harvey, who pauses to read the auras in the room. Vicki gives Carol a present. It’s one of her many seagull paintings. Vicki asks Harvey if she’ll be successful and he predicts she will. Then Carol says she writes children’s stories and asks if she’ll be successful. Harvey confirms she’ll be a literary star. Jack is a skeptic but plays along to receive a reading from Harvey, who predicts he’ll have no success whatsoever. Jack asks about his second novel but Harvey says it will bomb. Jack gets upset because he thinks neither Carol or Vickie have any talent. He storms out of the house. Harvey tells Carol she’ll meet a rich blonde man who’ll adore her children. 

            Tim is sitting in his pajamas and bathrobe reading the paper. Carol enters the room in her bathrobe. It seems they are in the middle of an argument because she begins with “And another thing” before letting loose with several complaints while Tim ignores her. Suddenly there is the sound of a car pulling up outside and Carol exclaims, “It’s my husband!” Tim springs to life and jumps out the window. 

            In a museum the tour guide shows the guests the Pink Pussycat Diamond and demonstrates the security system that keeps it from being stolen. Besides being encased in bulletproof glass it is surrounded by an invisible high voltage forcefield. They all leave the room and the guide speaks into a walkie talkie giving the order to activate the security system. Soon a cat burglar (played by Tim) descends on a rope. But the rope is not long enough for him to reach the floor so he has to swing onto a statue, the head of which he breaks off, then he sits there to detach himself from the rope. He comes up against the force field, which burns one of his shoes off. He tests the forcefield from various heights and discovers that it stops at a certain height but also for some reason at the back. He makes his way inside of the field and tries to cut the case but his glass cutter breaks. He tries to use his drill and finds a plug but the cord won’t reach the glass. He tries to use a hammer and chisel but that doesn’t work. Then he discovers that after all that the case has no top. He has to climb up above the case to try to reach down to get the diamond. But while he’s doing that another thief just walks in the door and approaches the case. It turns out the case has no back either so he just grabs the diamond and leaves. 

            Harvey plays the mayor of a southern town and Vicki plays his wife in a public podium where he introduces Congressman Jethro Parker, played by Jack who steps up with his wife Lulibeth (played by Carol). Lulibeth tells the people that her husband is generous, which is shown by how he gives their butlers and maids every Thursday and every other Tuesday off and at Eastertime gave their chauffeur two whole weeks. Last Christmas he brought home a bunch of starving bunnies from the Playboy mansion and gave them a Christmas goose. They sing “The Country’s in the Very Best of Hands” by Johnny Mercer from the 1956 musical Lil’ Abner. The dancers do a dance along with Vicki who tap dances. 

            One of the writers for The Carol Burnett Show was Bo Kaprall, who started as a writer and producer of ads in Chicago. He became a castmember of Second City. In the late 70s he moved to LA where he created the Comedy Store Players and joined The Kentucky Fried Theatre. He wrote and produced for Laverne and Shirley and also for Friends. He played Laverne’s boyfriend Norman Hughes. He wrote for Welcome Back Kotter, Cher, and Sesame Street. He became a writer for Saturday Night Live and a developer of reality shows. He has written and produced over 5000 radio commercials.

July 3, 1996: I decided to rent a room with walls made of office dividers

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday I went to Marjorie Rebeiro’s place at 428 Queen West to check out the space she was offering me. The only two rooms separated by walls were her and Andrew’s bedroom and the bathroom (that only had a shower). The rest of the studio was open space but they had office dividers that they could use to partition off a room for me to rent. I would have a window that faced the alley. It was a nice old building and Marjorie and Andrew’s bedroom had amazing floor almost to ceiling windows. The location was convenient as it was close to most of the places I worked and played. The space was not ideal but Marjorie was a friend and I needed a pleasant atmosphere after living with that psychopath Helga Schlatter and her partner Peter Bird. I decided that I’d rent the space.

Christina Ricci

           On Wednesday morning I memorized the fourth verse of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. There is only a chorus left to learn. 

            I uploaded to YouTube my photo-video of the parody by Serge Gainsbourg of “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You). 

             I then added the video to my Christian’s Translations post of the song and published it. I posted my translation on Facebook. 

            I then used Clip Grab to download the YouTube video of “Ça”, which is a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. I then uploaded the video to Sonix to get a transcript, which I copied. Gainsbourg himself co-wrote the parody with Marcel Mithois. The joke is that instead of the almost pornographic lyrics between a couple making love, an older couple is engaged in a more domestic conversation. In this case the man declares love while the woman is concerned with practical matters. Tomorrow I’ll start translating it. It’s not really a song so maybe I won’t bother memorizing it. 

            I made coffee but didn’t drink it. I put it in the fridge so I could have iced coffee in the evening.

            I painted the second coat of the “crazy in love” pink hue on the outside half of one of the four floral reliefs on my future bathroom mirror frame. On Friday I’ll do at least one more outside half. 

            I weighed 91.25 kilos before lunch. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar with a glass of lemonade. 

            I weighed 89.4 kilos at 17:50, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since June 3. 

            I worked on getting caught up in my journal.

            It was too hot to use the stove and so I just has a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with cream cheese, five-year-old cheddar and potato chips. I had it with a glass of Creemore while watching season 1, episode 6 of Wednesday with my daughter Astrid on Discord. 

            The story begins with Wednesday trying to call forth the spirit of Goody Addams to be her guide but her séance is interrupted by Enid. Then a mysterious note is slid under the door telling her to meet at Crackstone’s crypt at midnight. She goes there only to find that it’s a surprise birthday party being thrown for her. She learns that Thing tipped Enid and Xavier that it was her birthday. She does not appreciate the gesture but then notices that the writing on the hearth is the same as that which was recently burned on the school lawn: “Fire Will Rein”. When she touches the fireplace she has a vision and connects with Goody Addams who warns her that Crackstone is returning. Bianca meets the mayor’s son Lucas while he is doing community work to atone for his part in sabotaging the Nevermore dance. He is wearing a bracelet that he got from her mother’s company and she tells him it’s a scam. They get together later at the café. Ms. Thornhill gives Wednesday a copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The principal revokes Wednesday’s off-campus privileges but she arranges for a date with Tyler and brings Enid along under the pretense of redoing her birthday party. But Wednesday takes them to explore the Gaines mansion where they are attacked by the monster and Tyler is injured. I nonetheless think that Tyler is actually the monster. Enid is so upset by Wednesday’s manipulations that she moves out of their shared room. 

            Ms. Thornhill is played by Christina Ricci, who played Wednesday Addams in the first two film adaptations of The Addams Family. Her father was a primal scream therapist who worked from home. She attended The Professional Children’s School in New York. She was discovered by a theatre critic who saw her in a school production of The Twelve Days of Christmas. He suggested to her parents that they get her a manager. That led to some commercial work before she made her film debut in Mermaids in 1990. She co-starred in The Ice Storm, Buffalo 66, Pecker, Desert Blue, 200 Cigarettes, Bless the Child, The Laramie Project, Love Your Work, Sleepy Hollow, Anything Else, Monster, Home of the Brave, Speed Racer, After.Life, Bucky Larson, Bel Ami, War Flowers, Percy, Here After, Guns Up, She starred in Casper, Golddiggers: the Secret of Bear Mountain, Little Red Riding Hood, That Darn Cat, The Opposite of Sex, Pumpkin, The Gathering, Black Snake Moan, Prozac Nation, The Man Who Cried, Now and Then, Miranda, Cursed, Penelope, Around the Block, Ten Things We Should Do Before We Break Up, Distorted, Monstrous, and The Dresden Sun. She hosted Saturday Night Live in 1999. She starred in the series The Lizzie Borden Chronicles, Pan Am, Z: the Beginning of Everything ( which she co-produced), . She co-starred in the last season of Ally McBeal, the series Yellowjackets, She won an Enny in 2006 for her guest appearance on Grey’s Anatomy. She is the voice of Catwoman in the animated series Batman: Caped Crusader. She made her Broadway debut in Time Stands Still in 2010. She did a vocal for Beck’s song “Hell Yes”.

July 2, 1996: I started looking for a new place to live

Thirty years ago today

           On Tuesday I started looking in the newspapers for apartments. That night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage. Marjorie Rebeiro was there and when I mentioned that I was looking for a place she suggested that I could rent a space in the studio where she lived with her boyfriend Andrew. We made a date for me to check it out.