March 30, 1996: Brian and I busked before performing at the Cameron

Thirty years ago today 

            On Friday Brian Haddon and I busked before performing together on the Spit Fridays open stage in the back room of the Cameron.

Peter Lawford

            On Saturday morning I worked out the chords for the repeated lyrics of the chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. But in the adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi the melody of the chorus extends into four lines of non-repeated lyrics. 

            In my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project I continued synchronizing the images in my photo-video with the rhythm and the meaning of the lyrics. 

            I weighed 87.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time. 

            Around midday I went to Vina Pharmacy to ask them to renew my Betaderm prescription.

            I went to Freedom Mobile to pay for my April phone plan. 

            I rode to No Frills where I bought seven bags of grapes, two packs of raspberries, bananas, a bag of avocadoes, a sack of potatoes, a loaf of seven grain bread, a loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, a box of spoon sized shredded wheat, a jug of iced tea, and two bags of Miss Vickie’s chips. 

            I weighed 87.95 kilos at 14:40. I had a chopped cucumber mashed with three avocadoes and ate them with some plantain chips. 

            I took a siesta from 15:30 and slept for almost an extra half hour. 

            I weighed 88.05 kilos at 17:45.

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:23. I tried to re-digitize a cassette tape that I digitized a few weeks ago that didn’t come through very well then. Since I’d been fairly successful recording the previous tape that had failed before by using speaker to microphone instead of a direct line from the stereo to the audio interface, I tried that again with this tape. It didn’t work out as well. I’ll try it again tomorrow with Windows Direct Sound instead of WASAPI.

            I had the rest of the broad bean, mushroom, ginger stew that I made yesterday. I ate while watching season 1, episode 27 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            The first sketch is one of the Carol and Sis stories. Roger is away on a business trip and Carol and Chrissie have just watched a late night horror movie. They are now scared of every sound and decide to sleep together. Shortly after they go to bed Roger comes home a day early and he’s with his boss Mr. Stanley, who he insisted come home with him because he was too drunk to drive. Roger leaves Mr. Stanley alone in the living room. Meanwhile Carol and Chrissie hear noises and come out to see Stanley only from the back and think he’s a home invader. Carol hits him over the head with a frying pan and then retreats. Stanley only knows he heard a “bong” and now he has a headache. Roger goes to get aspirin and Stanley sits on the couch. Carol comes out and hits him from behind again. Roger brings the aspirin and Stanley goes to the kitchen to get water only to get bonked again. He backs out of the kitchen and then goes back in where he receives another hit, then he backs out and collapses. Then Roger gets hit and knocked out by the kitchen door. 

            Minnie Pearl comes out and does her comedy routine. She talks about people trying be thin. She says a friend of hers got so thin they needed to starch her underwear to hold her up. She got her face lifted too and now every time she blinks it pulls her stockings up. She asked a guy at Hollywood party why he was giving her a funny look. He said, “Lady you’ve got a funny look but I didn’t give it to you”. I saw this one girl, I don’t know if her dress was too little for her or if she was in it too far. She finished with a little yodeling song and a step dance. 

            In the next skit Carol and Minnie play two southern US women visiting Paris. Minnie says she went to an Apache dance where the man and woman got into a fight on the dance floor and the Indians never did show up. They sit at a café where Charles De Gaulle is sitting at the next table. They tell him they’re from the state and he says, “I hate you”. 

            They do a parody of the recent hit film Bonnie and Clyde but called Bony and Clod. Minnie plays Blanche and Harvey plays Buck. She says she’s tired of running and asks Buck to turn himself in. He says he’d go to prison for life. She says she’ll wait for him. She asks if Bonnie is prettier than she is. He says, “I’m prettier than you are”. 

            Minnie Pearl and Peter Lawford sing a duet of “Country Girl and City Man” by Billy Vera and Judy Clay. 

            The next skit is set in a rubber plantation in the Amazon in 1908. The owner is Clyde Bentley and his mail order bride Daphne Doolittle arrives. He tells her they can’t marry because no one can replace his first wife Charline. He says he can’t rain down kisses on her. She asks, “How about a handshake and an occasional hickey?” He shows her a portrait of Charline and she was extremely buxom while Daphne is flat. She asks how she died and he tells her she drowned. Daphne is surprised she could have sank. He tells her all the things Charline used to do for him and she starts trying to do them too. Suddenly he gets jungle fever and it causes him to fall in love with Daphne. Now he says he’s her slave and so she tells him to do all the things for her that Charline did for him. 

            Carol and Peter start a song together but the cue card holder runs away with the cards and Carol starts laughing. They start over. They show some stills from Peter’s old movies and all the hats he wore. There was “My Brother Who Talks to Horses”, “Easter Parade”, “White Cliffs of Dover”. They sing “A Couple of Swells” by Irving Berlin from Easter Parade. 

            Peter Lawford was born in London to parents who weren’t married. They went to the States to avoid a scandal. He spoke French before he spoke English. He was privately tutored and his mother concluded he wasn’t suited for a career in anything but art. He made his acting debut at the age of 7 in Poor Old Bill. At 14 he injured his arm running through a glass door. His arm bothered him for his whole life and it kept him out of WWII. He was working at an exclusive club when the member Joseph Kennedy complained that he was eating and fraternizing with the black help. Joseph Kennedy later became his father in law. He made his Hollywood debut in Lord Jeff in 1938. He co-starred in A Yank at Eton, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Two Sisters from Boston, Good News, Kangaroo, Cluny Brown, My Bother Talks to Horses, It Happened in Brooklyn, On An Island With You, Easter Parade, The Red Danube, Please Believe Me, It Should Happen to You, Never So Few, Sylvia, Harlow, Salt and Pepper, Skidoo, Buona Sera Mrs. Campbell, Hook Line and Sinker, One More Time. The Deadly Hunt, They Only Kill Their Masters, Rosebud, and Where is Parsifal? He starred in Son of Lassie, Just This Once, You For me, The Hour of 13, Rogues March, Dead Run, He made his TV debut on General Electric Theatre in 1953. He starred in the TV series The Thin Man. He was voted the most popular Hollywood actor of 1946. He had a love affair with Dorothy Dandridge. He was a member of The Rat Pack with Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Joey Bishop, but they called it The Clan. He bought the rights to Ocean’s Eleven in 1958 He co-starred with the Rat Pack in Ocean’s Eleven and Sergeants Three. He co-starred in the sitcom Dear Phoebe. He co-starred on The Doris Day Show. He was a panelist on 144 episodes of the game show Password and was the all time champion of The Lightning Round. He produced The Patty Duke Show, the films Johnny Cool, Billie, . He married Patricia Kennedy in 1954 and fathered four children. They divorced in 1966.

March 29, 1996: It was a busy time of year for art modelling

Thirty years ago today 

            On Thursday I probably posed at a couple of schools. It was a busy time of year for work as an art model.

Ruth Buzzi

            On Friday morning I worked out the chords for the first three lines of the chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, which is over half the chorus of the adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. 

            I finished importing to Movie Maker all 251 images for my photo-video of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I started synchronizing the pictures of Zizi Jeanmaire with the rhythm of the instrumental intro. 

            I weighed 87.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the last of two sessions and it went out of tune during all but one song. Tomorrow I’ll begin a two session stretch of playing my electric guitars.

            Around midday I finished painting the first coat of “blue bliss” on the bathroom door. Tuesday and Wednesday I might finish the second coat for the door frame and door. Then I want to paint the bathroom rack the same colour and mount it on the wall. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before lunch. 

            I had two avocadoes mashed with chopped cucumber and plantain chips. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back and for the first time since my fast I was able to make it there and home without having to stop to pee. 

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 18:00. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:45. 

            I recorded side 2 of the cassette tape that I couldn’t digitize with a line-in. As I did with side 1 I was able to successfully record it by putting a mic against the speaker. I think I’ll try to re-digitize the tape I recorded before that one because it didn’t really come through very well. 

            I sautéed garlic, a chopped scallion, and some chopped ginger. I added mushrooms, frozen broad beans, and two cups of broth. I had a bowl and a half while watching season 1, episode 25 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up a man with a beard and mustache asks Carol if he can kiss her and she lets him. 

            The first sketch comes from Carol’s biography. A friend of Chrissie’s named Gretchen comes over to study but she is obsessed with Carol’s husband Roger and does nothing but gaze at him. He finally discourages her by exaggerating his age and pretending he has several age related health problems. 

            Jack Jones sings “I Can’t Get Started With You” by Vernon Duke and Ira Gershwin from Ziegfeld Follies 1936. and “Cause I Got So Much Lovin in Me” by Pearl Bender and Gloria Shayne (Shayne also wrote “Do You Hear What I Hear?”). 

            Harvey Korman interviews a drunk matador played by Tim Conway who is about to enter the arena. 

            Carol and Tim play two strangers stranded on a desert island. They find a bottle with a note and it’s addressed to her. 

            They do condensed versions of three bad movies: 

            Carol plays a Tarzan type wild woman who can only be tamed with a kiss. 

            Tim plays a gangster on the run trying to take shelter in the church of his priest brother. He says, “Mother Superior always liked you best”. 

            In a parody of an Italian film a man catches his woman with another man and he is so mortified that he goes home to his wife. 

            Carol sings “Nobody” by Bert Williams and Alex Rogers. 

            Carol and Jack sing a medley of cowboy type songs while the dancers do a western themed routine. The songs are “Wha Hoo” by Cliff Friend, “San Antonio Rose” by Bob Wills, “Bye Bye Love” by Felice and Boudleaux Bryant, and “I’m an Old Cowhand” by Johnny Mercer. 

            Gretchen was played by Ruth Buzzi, who started as a head cheerleader. Her first professional show business gig was touring with Rudy Vallee’s show. She enrolled in the Pasadena Playhouse for the performing Arts and graduated with Honours. She formed a comedy team with Dom DeLuis in which she played the assistant of an incompetent magician and they had several guest spots on popular variety shows. She made her TV debut on the Gary Moore Show in 1964. She was in the original Broadway production of Sweet Charity. She was a regular on the last season of the Entertainers. She was a regular on the Steve Allen Comedy Hour. She was a popular castmember of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In and was the only woman to appear in every episode. She won a Golden Globe and had five Emmy nominations. She played Margie Peterson on That Girl. She co-starred in the sitcom The Lost Saucer. She co-starred in the Canadian comedy series You Can’t Do That on Television and the spin-off Whatever Turns You On. She appeared 8 times on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. She played Ruthie on Sesame Street. She played Nurse Kravitz on the soap opera Passions. She co-starred in The Villain, Chu Chu and the Philly Flash, and The Being, She appeared 16 times on The Dean Martin Show. Her voice was in 16 episodes of Baggy Pants and the Nitwits. She was the voice of Mama Bear on the Berenstain Bears. She was the voice of Nose Marie on Pound Puppies. She was a ventriloquist. She was friends with Canadian singer Anne Murray.

March 28, 1996: I worked out a unique adaptation of Mr. Tambourine Man

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday Brian Haddon and I combined busking with rehearsing for our future gig at Fat Albert’s. I worked out my own unique version of Bob Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man”.

Harvey Korman

            On Thursday morning I worked out the chords for most of the fourth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, but that’s the second verse of the song adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. I don’t think Vian ever wrote or had anyone else write a melody for the song and so Fedrizzi’s tune is the only one I have to go on. Fedrizzi used less than half of the original lyrics and so I’ll have to fill in the blanks later. 

            I imported to my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project numbers 101 to 220 of the images I collected for my photo-video of that song. There are 31 left and I’ll upload those tomorrow. Then I’ll start synchronizing the pictures with the lyrics. I think all of the photos will probably need to have their duration on the video timeline shortened by at least half. 

            I weighed 87.2 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of two sessions and it went out of tune during almost every song except for one. 

            Around midday I went over to the hardware store and bought two kinds of bedbug spray: one the poison and the other the diatomaceous earth. I asked Mikey if they sell more of the stuff lately and he said he thinks more is sold in the spring. 

            I weighed 88.6 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon it was too rainy for a bike ride downtown and so I just rode to Freshco. The grapes were all too soft so I just bought bag of oranges instead. I also got two packs of raspberries, two bags of avocadoes, some bananas, a pack of mushrooms, a tub of cream cheese, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, a jar of marinara sauce, a jar of salsa, a pack of Irish Spring soap and a pack of Sponge Towels. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos at 17:35. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:25. 

            I tried again to digitize side 1 of the problematic cassette that would barely record at all with a direct line from the tape player to my audio interface. Yesterday I came close by recording it with a microphone against the speaker but the bass was overwhelming and the volume was too low. This time I turned the bass right down and the volume up to 0 and it worked. It starts with a live recording of my song “Megaphor” and the rest is a rehearsal of “Me and Gravity” and “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”. Tomorrow I’ll do side 2. 

            I created some folders for photos in my SSD and deleted several images from my hard drive. I steamed a broccoli crown and had half of it in a salad with cucumber, grape tomatoes, and avocadoes while watching season 1, episode 22 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up someone asks Carol if she’s double jointed and she demonstrates that she is. Nanette Fabray performs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in sign language. 

            There’s a parody of Valley of the Dolls. Carol and two other women are sitting on a bed. One of them says she’s going to call the drugstore and order an overdose of sleeping pills. Another says, “Get me a jar of Dippity Do. Carol says she’s tired of the lying and the cheating so she’s going to leave Hollywood and go back to the little town she came from. One asks, “Where are you from?” Carol says, “Peyton Place”. 

            There’s a parody of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. The son played by Harvey Korman brings home a mermaid played by Nanette Fabray. His parents Carol Burnett and Art Carney have to learn to accept her. 

            In the next sketch it’s the 1936 Academy Awards and Shirley Dimple (played by Carol) is brought out to present the award for Best Child Star but she resents not receiving it again herself. The winner is her arch-rival Janey Dithers (played by Nanette). Shirley and Janey are asked to recreate their famous number from Babes in Armenia. While they are acting out the friendship declared in the lyrics they are also making little attacks on each other until they end up in a big feather pillow fight. 

            Carol brings out Lyle Waggoner to ask about his acting background. He says he studied improvisation. Carol asks to do an improv with Lyle. She says, “Let’s pretend that we love each other a lot but haven’t seen each other in five years”. Carol steps in and Lyle says, “I’m so glad to see you mother!” 

            Vickie Lawrence does a song and dance number with Don Chrichton and the Earnie Flatt Dancers. The song is “Bend Me Shape Me” by Scott English and Larry Weiss. It was a hit by The American Breed in 1968. Some of the members went on to form Rufus. 

            In the next skit Carol plays an obsessively jealous wife who is married to a garbage collector played by Art Carney. She thinks that every woman wants her husband even though she’s the only woman who’s attracted to him. 

            The final song and dance number features Carol and Nanette. They play tough roller derby chicks singing “I Enjoy Being a Girl” by Rogers and Hammerstein from the musical Flower Drum Song. Three years before this, on the show The Entertainers, Carol sang the song while dressed as Morticia Addams. Art carney joins them with a song about Wild Women. In the end everybody has broken teeth. 

            Harvey Korman studied at the Goodman School of Drama. His TV debut was on The Donna Reed Show in 1959. His film debut was in Carving Magic in 1959. His first big break was as a co-star on The Danny Kaye Show. He was the voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones. He won four Emmy Awards and a Golden Globe for his work on The Carol Burnett Show. He had his own sitcom The Harvey Korman Show briefly in 1977 and starred in the also short lived Leo and Liz in Beverly Hills in the 80s. He co-starred in High Anxiety, Herbie Goes Bananas, Don’t Just Stand There, Americathon, and First Family.

March 27, 1996: I hosted my open stage as always on Tuesdays

Thirty years ago today 

            On Tuesday evening as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel.