June 19, 1996: I performed at Fat Albert's and the Art Bar

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday night I performed on the open stages of Fat Albert’s and the Art Bar reading series.

Wendi Smallwood

            On Tuesday morning I ran through singing and playing “L'anguille (The Eel)” by Boris Vian and made some chord adjustments. On Wednesday I’ll run through singing and playing my translation. 

            I worked out the chords for all but the last verse and chorus of “Les anthropophages” (The Cannibals) by Serge Gainsbourg. On Wednesday I’ll finish it, then run through singing and playing the song in French and English, then upload it to my Christian’s Translations blog to prepare it for publication.

            I weighed 90.05 kilos before breakfast. 

            I saw from the many tributes being posted on Facebook that Wendi Smallwood lost her battle with cancer. I came to know Wendi when we were both working as models at the Ontario College of Art probably back in the 90s. She was always very friendly with me and we chatted on many occasions during our breaks. I think she was related in some way to the famous Newfoundland politician Joey Smallwood. She went back to Newfoundland and had some success as an actor. The last time I saw Wendy was on May 29, 2018 at a poetry reading in Toronto. I had just performed and then the host introduced Wendi from Newfoundland. “Wendi? I know a Wendi from Newfoundland! Could it be Wendi Smallwood? It was Wendi Smallwood! From Wendi’s poem: ‘My mother cleaned the toilet with Pinesol … resin thick … disinfecting … rubber gloved … pouring it undehydrated … cushioning … nostrils flared … fingers smudging spit … hand dipping, swirling … toboggan … body rigid … elbow bent back … flushed.’ We took a break and I went to the washroom. On the way back I looked for Wendi, whom I hadn’t seen since she left for Newfoundland many years ago, although we became friends on Facebook a few years after that. We met and came to know each other from both working as art models at various studios and schools around Toronto. I saw her walking towards me and we embraced. We chatted for a while and then she went to the washroom. When the readings were over I left the church, but on my way to my bike I heard Wendi, who was outside smoking, call to me. We spent at least half an hour getting caught up. She said she was in Toronto for a few reasons. She said something about doing a one-woman show called Resurrecting Mary as part of Women From the Future at the Factory Theatre from June 21-24. She also said something about representing Newfoundland at the ACTRA conference in Toronto and that they paid for her trip and her hotel, even though she’s staying at her son’s place. She told me that getting work on television in Newfoundland is very difficult because the production company that handles The Republic of Doyle, instead of using local actors actually brings in actors from the mainland and hires vocal coaches for them so they’ll sound like local actors. Our conversation got interrupted by someone in the street that was arguing with a short guy with a beard and glasses that was standing on the sidewalk. The street person didn’t like the fact that the short guy was speaking to him in a monotone. Then he asked everybody for change. Someone offered him the rest of her bag of chips but he said he was cautious about being poisoned. The short guy said he’d give him some money but first he would have to listen to him. I don’t think the guy realized he was beyond listening. “Wendi walked east. She would be in town for another month. 

            “On June 26, I was back at the poetry reading and when the event was finished, after I’d packed up my stuff and left, outside the church was Wendi Smallwood, so I stopped to talk with her. I asked her why she hadn’t read a poem and she explained that she’d just finished her show and hadn’t felt like getting up on a stage again right away. She complained that from her seat at the back she’d had a problem hearing a lot of the people that used the microphone. I was glad to have her tell me that despite the fact that I don’t use a mic she heard me loud and clear”. 

            During song practice I played my Martin and it went out of tune for every song. 

            Around midday I finished the second and final coat of the shade of pink called “crazy in love” on the bottom of my bathroom lazy Susan. Tomorrow I’ll do the first coat on the top. 

            I weighed 91.45 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took to Long and McQuade the RCA output cable that runs from my stereo receiver to the extension cable that connects to the adaptor that connects to the stereo breakout that connects to my audio interface. It was the last link in the chain that was decades old as I’d replaced all the other cables recently. I asked one of the guys in the audio department to test it to see if it was faulty. I was surprised to find out that the test wasn’t as easy to do with RCA cables as it was with the cable adaptor and the extension cable they’d tested before. It took at least ten minutes for two guys to gather two sound boards that they needed to use for the test. It was such a big production that I felt like I had a couple of roadies. Finally they found that the black RCA jack had a much weaker signal so I bought a replacement for $15 and change. 

            I rode downtown and I was stopped at the lights at Spadina and Bloor when a dishevelled guy with a scraggly beard came up and spoke my name. When he said he was Danny I recognized Danny Blue who I used to see with his guitar performing his songs back in the 90s. He said he doesn’t gig anymore but he sometimes sits in and plays where others are playing. I reminded him that I was still friends with him on Facebook but he told me that page is dead because Facebook screwed him out of it. Now he’s on Facebook as Danny Wilson. 

           On the way back stopped at Freshco where I bought seven bags of green grapes for $4.39 a kilo and paid $26. 

           When I got home I connected my new RCA cable and recorded the radio on Audacity. At last I had waveforms for both channels and no fading out of the right one. The right one was slightly lower in volume than the left but not enough to be concerned about. The gain just has to be slightly higher for the right channel to make equal sized waveforms. 

            I weighed 90.8 kilos at 18:15. 

            I worked on getting caught up in my journal. 

            I made a new batch of gravy with roast pork drippings and had some with a potato and a slice of roast pork while watching season 9, episode 3 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone asks Carol if she remembers her first kiss. She says it was from a dog. 

            In the first skit, Harvey plays a concert pianist who tells the audience that for the first time he would be performing a duet with one of his students. There are two grand pianos facing each other and Tim comes out to play the other one. There is no speaking during this skit. Tim takes a long time getting started because he has to crack every one of his fingers and his nose first. Tim indicates that he can’t read the music because the light is bad so Harvey switches pianos with him. Harvey starts but Tim is having trouble figuring out where he comes in. It seems he has the wrong music and when he plays it, Harvey pushes his piano against Tim’s. Tim gets up and breaks the front leg from Harvey’s piano so now it’s tilted upward so he has to stand and play. Harvey walks over and breaks the music desk from Tim’s piano over his head. Tim kicks out the last two legs of Harvey’s piano so now he has to play on his knees. Harvey slams the keyboard cover from Tim’s piano onto his fingers. Tim jumps into the body of Harvey’s piano and while he’s standing there, every time Harvey hits a key it makes Tim jump. So Harvey jumps on his own keyboard and launches Tim into the air to land inside his own piano. 

            Cher sings the 1974 song “Just This One Time” by Jimmy Webb. 

            Carol comes out and she and Cher talk about how great it is to have their own variety shows because of all the staff one has to help out from production down to makeup. Carol says they are the only two women with variety shows and Cher adds that they are also both Taurus and have the same initials… sometimes. They sing a duet that I assume was written for the show about how the world would be a better place if everybody had a variety show. The repeated word in the song is “variety” and they go into the audience with their microphones to get various members to sing “Variety!” 

            Harvey comes home with Carol who is made down to look as plain and unattractive as possible. She’s also extremely shy about being there because she knows this is a place he shares with his wife. She’s very nervous but he tells her that when his wife comes in he’s going to tell her that it’s over and he wants a divorce so he can marry Carol. Carol says to not tell his wife that he’s seen her in pajamas without the feet. Cher arrives, playing Harvey’s wife and looking extremely elegant. She seems indifferent to his other woman and asks if he found her in obedience school. She says, “Another woman I can take Victor but this?” “What’s wrong with her?” Carol urges Victor not to ask that question because his wife will tell him. She offers Carol and drink and she asks for a Gatorade. Cher gives her straight Scotch. Cher says Carol looks like someone dumped a Goodwill truck on her. “You bring that into my house and only two days after I’ve cleaned it?” Victor asks how she can talk like that and Cher admits it’s because she’s desperate. She says she’s just an ordinary housewife and can’t compete with Carol. She begs her not to take her husband away. Victor suddenly is moved by Cher’s plea and wants to be back with her. They decide to take a second honeymoon, ignoring Carol so much they even knock her over. Carol gets hit by the door on their way out and again when Victor opens it to say goodbye to her. 

            They do parodies of the commercials of the year. 

            Carol is playing cards with Cher and another friend. Her voiceover says, “Imagine my embarrassment when I stood but my pantyhose didn’t. She sneaks away with them down to her ankles. Cher says, “Someone ought to tell Madge about her coffee!” 

            At a party, Carol and Harvey (as Jim) are sitting on the couch finishing their coffee. Cher approaches Jim and asks if he’s like another cup and says she has one in the bedroom. He enthusiastically follows her away. Carol says, “That’s funny! Jim never wants a second cup of coffee!”

            On "As the Stomach Turns", Marian is unsatisfied. She says she has financial security and even has two two two mints in one. She says, “It seems any Gypsy tramp or thief has more fun than I have!” The doorbell rings and it’s Cher in her long First Nations appropriated war bonnet, wearing low on the hip white jeans and gold halter top with her midriff exposed. Marian says, “It’s Pocahontas Perelli the town half breed. Half Native North American and half dressed!” Poc tells Marian she knows there’s something missing in her life from reading her bumper sticker that says, Welcome Shriners”. She says she too was unfulfilled until she got her hair done by Warren Pretty at The House of Shampoo” (a reference to Warren Beatty and his hit film Shampoo). Marian says she hears he’s quaffed every woman in town but her. Pocahontas tells her if she uses her name she’ll get a reservation. Poc says, “I’ll be going now Marian”. Marian says, “You’d better!” Soon Warren Pretty (played by Tim) crashed through the door on his motorcycle. He’s in pain because he’s been riding with a blower in his pants. He asks if she’s ever had a pageboy. She smiles and nods. Vicki arrives as the rich Beverly Hillsdale wearing a wig that mostly covers her face. She hasn’t got a lot of time because she has to go to her Primal Scream class. She wants a touch-up for the Farewell to the Maharishi event tonight so Warren takes her before Marian. Then Mother Marcus (Harvey’s Jewish mother drag character) comes in. Warren looks at her large bosom and says, “That’s far out!” He wants to give her a bob. The announcer asks if Beverly needs Zen Buddhism, Transcendental Meditation, or a shot in the mouth? 

            Carol introduces the greatest rock band of all, The Who What Where How and Why. The Ernie Flatt Dancers pretend to be in a band, with Vicki on drums and looking a lot like she’s really playing them. Carol and Cher play the two lead singers. They sing a song about being superstars that was obviously written just for this bit. Then they do a song about gold records and silver platform shoes with lyrics like, “Bette Midler eat your heart out” and “Alice Cooper hang up your snake”. Harvey pretends to do a guitar solo. Tim imitates Elton John.

June 18, 1996: I hosted my gritty, electric, uncensored open stage

Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel, at 1214 Queen Street West. My event always had a gritty, electric energy and offered a vital, supportive, and un-censored platform for writers.

The Bonnot Gang

            On Monday morning I finished working out the chords for “L'anguille (The Eel)” by Boris Vian. On Tuesday I’ll run through singing and playing it in French and English before uploading it to my Christian’s Translations blog. 

            The song “L’anguille” is one of the songs Vian wrote for a comedy musical called “La bande à Bonnot (The Bonnot Gang)”, with music by Jimmy Walter. Vian took a week to write twenty songs for the play. The Bonnot Gang was led by Jules Bonnot and active between 1911 and 1912. They robbed, burgled and murdered with somewhat of an Anarchist ideology as an act of rebellion against what they considered to be an oppressive society. They were the first crooks to use a getaway car, which overwhelmed the police, who didn’t even have many cars at that time. Most of the gang was captured or killed and Bonnot was holed up in a residence surrounded by 500 cops. He wounded three officers and held them back in the shootout until the police dynamited the front of the building. He was shot ten times before he was captured and later died in the hospital. Bonnot’s operations inspired many Anarchists to try to imitate him. The police cracked down so hard that anyone who said anything positive about Bonnot could end up in jail.

            I worked out the chords for the chorus and the instrumental lead-in to the second verse of “Les anthropophages” (The Cannibals) by Serge Gainsbourg. That probably completes the pattern and the rest of the chords should be the same. I weighed 90.9 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since March 2. I played my Martin during song practice for the first of two sessions and it went out of tune for every song. I weighed 91.8 kilos before lunch. That’s the same as the early afternoon of February 20. I took my stereo extension cable to Long and McQuade. The same guy who tested my cable adaptor last week tested the cable and said that the sound goes in and out when the jack is wiggled so I bought a new one. I rode downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco where I bought seven bags of green grapes for $4.39 a kilo. When I got home I tried out the new cable but the same problem of only getting one channel persisted. I tried switching the RCA jacks with the black on the left and for a little while I got both tracks. But when I switched it back to the red on the left I lost the extra track and even when I put the black back onto the left I only got one channel. The black RCA jack doesn’t work at all. Whether the red is in the right or the left plug I get the left channel. On my audio interface if I switch the red and the black I get only the right channel. I weighed 91.1 kilos at 19:20. I worked on getting caught up in my journal. I had two small potatoes with the last of my gravy and a slice of roast pork while watching season 9, episode 2 of The Carol Burnett Show. Tim Conway is now a regular member of the cast. In the first sketch Sammy Davis Jr. plays Johnny, a similar character to himself. He is famous and now returns to do a show for the first time in his home town where he grew up and experienced a lot of racism. The reporters come in along with a richly dressed woman (played by Carol) who shyly enters behind them. Johnny says he’s going to be starring in a western film. He says he met Queen Elizabeth last year but didn’t give her the soul hand slap. The well dressed woman begins to laugh and Johnny looks over to recognize Eleonor Simpson. He tells the reporters that they practically grew up together as his mother was the Simpson family’s maid. He says he bought his mother a big house in Beverly Hills with a lot of servants but she still insists on doing all the cleaning. She says their silverware has not been as shiny since she left. She tells Johnny that he was no slouch at shining her daddy’s boots. She says, “Daddy always said that he thought you had some kind of magic spit”. She adds that whenever her daddy sees Johnny on TV he wishes he was back there to shine his boots. He invites her to supper but she says she can’t tonight. She compliments the show he did tonight and says his diction was perfect. She understood every single word he said and he tossed off those polysyllables like you were born to them. He says, “I guess Mama did manage to throw in a few long words along with the ‘honey childs’”. She says she’s been doing some singing too and gives a sample. He recognizes that it’s Gilbert and Sullivan. She says, “How clever of you! Don’t tell me you’ve done Gilbert and Sullivan too!” He says he hasn’t and she says, “Thank goodness for that! I do think some things outta be sacred!” He hands her a spoon for her coffee and she wipes it on her dress before using it. She says, “Some people might say you’re a little out of place doing a western. You don’t see John Wayne doing Porgy and Bess”. She says, “I do believe a performer must stretch. Many of you people now are playing upper class roles. Can’t even turn on the TV without seeing a whole bunch of you doing commercials and using products and everything”. She says she’s married now and her husband’s sitting at the bar. Johnny suggests they go meet him but Eleonor says he’s in a bad mood because of the expense of the evening. She says he said, “What kind of gyp joint is this? A $10 cover charge just to sit and watch a…” He says it’s too bad she can’t come for supper because the mayor and his wife would be joining them. Eleonor says that might have taken the curse off it for her husband. She tells Johnny she shouldn’t get the wrong idea about her husband because he is very liberal. He has a restaurant and hires all black waiters, but of course the cashier is white. She repeats that she wishes she could get his mama back to clean the house. She says it’s hard to find decent help since all the coloureds got hired by the phone company. You call them up to ask for information and you can’t understand a word they’re saying. He says goodbye to her and calls her “honey” but she finds that too familiar. He mockingly says he’s sorry for being uppity but she says it’s alright because they’re such wonderful friends. Carol says they’ve been trying to get Sammy Davis Jr. on for the last eight years but the schedules didn’t mesh but now she introduces him. He does a medley of his most popular songs: “Yes I Can” by Charles Strouse and Lee Adams from the 1964 musical Golden Boy; “Too Close for Comfort” by Jerry Bock, George David Weiss, and Larry Holofcener from the 1956 musical Mr. Wonderful; the 1954 song “Something’s Gotta Give” by Johnny Mercer; “Hey There” by Jerry Ross and Richard Adler from the 1954 musical The Pajama Game; “The Birth of the Blues” by Duddy DeSylva and Lew Brown from the 1926 revue George White’s Scandals; “The Candy Man” by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley from the 1971 musical Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory; and “What Kind of Fool Am I?” by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley from the 1962 musical Stop the World I Want to Get Off. Vicki says that not long ago many of the commercial airlines introduced a new low cost fare that was nicknamed “The No Frills Plan”. The next skit is a parody of that plan. Harvey and Tim board a plane and Tim is in the No Frills section, which begins just behind Harvey’s seat right where the carpet stops. Tim says he saved $40 by choosing the No Frills plan and he thinks the only difference is that one has to bring their own lunch. He adds that it’s a lot safer in the back the plane because planes never back into mountains. Carol plays the flight attendant and she comes back to ask Tim if she can take his coat. She then rolls it up and uses it as a pillow for Harvey. She then tells Tim to get his foot off the rug of the frills section and kicks his foot. Carol gives all the regular passengers the emergency instructions by whispering them in their ears so Tim can’t hear them. Tim doesn’t have a seatbelt so Carol ties him to his seat with a rope. There’s no glass in the window of his seat. Harvey lights a cigarette but when Tim does it Carol puts it out with a fire extinguisher. The captain announces that they will be going through some turbulence but only Tim’s seat experiences it. Carol asks Harvey if he’s getting off in Chicago and he’s not but Tim says he is. Carol tells him to come with her. he asks what time they’ll be landing? She says, “Landing?” Then she opens the door and pushes him out. In a wild west saloon the sheriff (played by Harvey) is getting drunk at a table by himself. Vicki the saloon girl asks the bartender what’s the matter with the marshal. He says that his Deputy Pecos left him for another marshal (This is another skit in which the professional relationships of men are treated like romantic relationships). Vicki tries to console him. He says he should have known there was another marshal. He says if he was a good marshal he wouldn’t have run off with another lawman. She says there’ll be somebody else but he cries, “I don’t want somebody else. I want my Pecos back!” Sammy comes in dressed in black and walking like John Wayne. He fires his gun in the air then spins it in a fancy way similar to when I saw him guest star on The Rifleman. The sheriff recognizes his old deputy Ringo who he left for Pecos. Ringo admits he came back to gloat but didn’t realize he was in so much pain. Ringo talks about how he waited for the sheriff’s posse on the road to Abilene but he never came. The marshal says he was supposed to go all the way to Abilene. Ringo says, “It was my first posse and you expected me to go all the way?” The sheriff asks if they can start again and hands him a badge. Ringo refuses it and asks, “You didn’t expect me to wait forever did ya?” “What are you sayin?” “Don’t you understand? There’s somebody else! I’ve been deputized!” “Congratulations. Who’s the lucky lawman?” “Wyatt Earp.” “Earp? (he looks like he’s burping when he says it).” Someone comes in to tell the marshal that the Dalton boys are on their way to kill him. The sheriff prepares to face them alone. Vickie asks Ringo to help but he refuses at first. Finally he gives in and says he’s going with him but, “If you tell Wyatt about this I’ll scratch your eyes out!” They end the show with a mini-musical celebrating the songs of Harold Harlen. Sammy plays a bartender in a tropical bar. He sings “Two Ladies in the Shade of the Banana Tree” with lyrics by Truman Capote from the 1954 musical House of Flowers. Then he sings “Get Happy” with lyrics by Ted Koehler from the 1930 musical The Nine Fifteen Revue. Carol and Vicki sing to Tim each different parts of “Gotta Have Me Go With You” with lyrics by Ira Gershwin from the 1954 film A Star is Born. Carol sings to Tim “Come rain or Come Shine” with lyrics by Johnny Mercer from the 1946 musical St. Louis Woman. Sammy sings “Hooray for Love” with lyrics by Mercer from the 1935 film of the same name. Vicki tells Tim to “Follow the Yellow Brick Road” with lyrics by Yip Harburg from the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz. Carol and Sammy sing “The Man That Got Away” also from A Star is Born. They sing “Down With Love” by Yip Harburg from the 1937 musical Hooray for What. Carol sings “I’m Through with Moanin” from the same musical. Sammy sings the 1941 song “When the Sun Comes Out” with lyrics by Ted Koehler. Then Harvey comes in and sings “I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues” with lyrics by Koehler from the 1932 show Earl Carroll’s Follies. Then Harvey sings the 1933 song “Stormy Weather” with lyrics by Koehler while Carol sings “Over the Rainbow” from The Wizard of Oz. Harvey sings “Let’s Fall in Love” by Koehler form the 1933 film of the same name. Sammy sings “Hooray for Love” again. Then he sings the 1944 song “Accentuate the Positive” with lyrics by Johnny Mercer while Carol and Harvey sing “Get Happy”.

June 17, 1996: Work was winding down for the season

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday modelling work was winding down because it was near the end of the school season. They were already into the summer classes at the Ontario College of Art, which provided very few posing gigs. There was still a week and a half left for secondary schools with advanced art programs so I might have still had a few gigs.

June 16, 1996: I took my daughter to a fancy Father's Day brunch

Thirty years ago today 

            On Sunday it was Father’s Day and I took my daughter to a fancy all you can eat brunch at some hotel, but I don’t remember which one. I just remember that it was very good.

Sandy Denny

            On Sunday morning I worked out the chords for all but the last few lines of “L'anguille (The Eel)” by Boris Vian. I should have it finished tomorrow. 

            I worked out the chords for the first three lines of the chorus of “Les anthropophages” (The Cannibals) by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I weighed 90.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time but at the end I had to unlock the E string to put it in tune. 

            Around midday I painted the first coat of the “Crazy in Love” shade of pink on the bottom of my bathroom lazy Susan. I’ll finish the bottom on Tuesday and paint the top on Wednesday. 

            I weighed 91.4 kilos before lunch, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the early afternoon since March 2. I had saltines with peanut butter, five-year-old cheddar and a glass of lemonade. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride. It was raining a bit at first and I thought I might only go as far as Ossington but the rain let up and so I continued downtown. On the way home it began raining again for a while but stopped before I was soaked. 

            I weighed 91.2 kilos at 18:15. 

            I was behind in my journal because of my continued recording problems from the night before and so I worked on getting caught up. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, two sliced bratwurst, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching the 8th season finale of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            In the Mama’s Family sketch Eunice and Mama visit Ed in his hardware store. They’re going to a movie later and want Ed to take them out to lunch but he says he can’t because Mickey Hart’s not there to mind the store. He’s gone to the warehouse to pick up some inch and a quarter flathead screws. Mama says she needs a new rubber stopper for her bathtub drain. Ed asks what size and she says the same size as the other one. He asks what size was that but she says, “How the hell should I know? I didn’t measure my rubber stopper!” Mama observes there are hundreds of items in the store that no one would ever use in a hundred years like purple light bulbs but some slick con artist found a sucker and sold them to Ed. Eunice begs again for Ed to take them for lunch but he says he’s waiting for an important phone call on some copper tubing rejects. Mama tells him he can miss that call since he’ll never sell the rejects he’s already got. He argues that he sells everything he buys. If he can’t sell the purple light bulbs they can put them on the Christmas tree. Mama asks if he’s gonna put the butterfly nets on the Christmas tree too. An attractive woman comes in to buy some tape to fix her mattress. Ed tells her a joking rhyme: “I dreamed of shredded wheat / I ate and ate till dawn / But when I woke it wasn’t no joke / Half my mattress was gone”. Ed tells Mama that’ll be 35 cents for the stopper but she’s offended that he would charge her. He says if she doesn’t like it she can go to Acme Hardware which she says is a better store anyway. Eunice starts arguing with Ed about lunch again while Mama slips the stopper into her purse. Mickey Hart has been mentioned since the first Mama sketch but now he walks in played by Tim Conway. He says hello to Eunice and shouts hello to Mama because he thinks she’s hard of hearing. He shouts that he likes her blue hair and it’s obviously an ab ad lib because Carol, Harvey and Vickey have to suppress laughter. Mickey tells Ed they didn’t have inch and a quarter flathead screws at the warehouse. They only had inch and a quarter roundhead screws and inch and sixteenth flathead so he came back to ask if he should buy them both. Ed says for him to go back and get them but Eunice protests that while Mickey is there he can run the store while they go for lunch. Ed says he needs the screws now. Mama asks if he’s expecting a stampede for flathead screws over lunchtime. Eunice leaves with Mama and sarcastically thanks him for lunch, adding that’s exactly what he’s getting for dinner. After they’re gone someone comes in and asks Ed to lunch. He says it’s the best idea he’s heard all day. 

            Carol introduces Vicki Lawrence and she comes out looking very pregnant. Her Mama costume hid it well in the previous sketch. She also announces that Vicki is now Mrs. Al Schultz but doesn’t mention that Al is the makeup artist for the show. Carol asks what she’s going to name the baby. Vicki says if it’s a girl they’re partial to Aphrodite and if it’s a boy either Ulysses or Marmaduke. Carol asks, if it’s a girl, how about Eunice? Vicki puts on her Mama voice and says, “I sure as hell ain’t gonna name another kid Eunice after the way the first one turned out!” Carol tells her to brush up on her lullabies. They then go through a long medley of just about every song that a parent might sing to calm or entertain their infant from “Brahms’ Lullaby” to “Frere Jacque”, to “The Itsy Bitsy Spider”, to “Bingo”, to “London Bridge”, to “It’s a Small World After All”, to “We’re Off to See the Wizard”, to “Mockingbird”, to “Where Are You Going My Little One”, to “Turn Around”, and ending with a return to “Brahms Lullaby”. 

            Carol sings the 1931 song “When Your Lover Has Gone” by Einar Aaron Swan, in the shower and when she leaves there’s a band in the shower still playing. They did a similar skit a few seasons before. 

            Tim Conway playing his old man character is behind the counter at a clock repair shop. Harvey brings in an antique grandfather clock to be repaired. Tim takes forever to make out a claim check for him when he says he has to get back to work. Tim tries to lift the part of the counter that rises so one can pass through but has trouble and ends up being lifted by it when it flips. He twists himself around on top of the counter to push it back down but gets his fingers jammed when it closes. Harvey lifts it then Tim frees his fingers. Then he ducks under it to get to the clock. He goes inside the clock and pokes his head out through the top, making Harvey laugh when he says, “I can see the marina from here!” Tim says he’s fixed the clock so Harvey sets it and it starts chiming while Tim is still inside. Time smashed his arms through the sides of the clock to reach around and stop it. Because Tim broke his clock, Harvey goes behind the counter and starts smashing all the clocks from the shelf. A tall and muscular young man walks in. Harvey asks Tim what he thinks of him smashing the clocks but Tim says, “I don’t know. Ask my son here. He owns the place”. His son tells Harvey to put all the clocks back together now. 

            The Ernie Flatt Dancers sing and dance to a song about war, depression, taxes, and low pay. 

            As usual the season finale ends with Carol’s Charwoman character. The cast leave and kiss her goodbye. She holds up certain of Carol’s costumes and sees flashbacks of scenes the characters were in. She sees Nora Desmond stumbling down a stairs looking insane; she sees Eunice frantically praying when she thinks Mama has hurt herself; and sees Molly’s interaction with Burt from the earlier skit. Then the Charwoman meets a puppet of herself and they sing a duet of the 1967 song “The Two of Us” by Jackie Trent and Tony Hatch. Then the puppet disappears and the Charwoman sits on her bucket to sing as usual for the finale, the extended version of the show’s theme song by Carol’s husband Joe Hamilton. Then she leaves the theatre and as usual kisses the head of the bald man sleeping in the seventh row. 

            I’ve started listening to the Sandy Denny discography starting with the album she did with Strawbs. She had an incredible voice and was an amazing songwriter. I’d never heard her until now although I’ve known and loved her song “Who Knows Where The Time Goes?” since I was a teenager and listened to it over and over again from a Judy Collins Greatest Hits album. She attended The Kingston College of Art in 1965 and became involved with the campus folk club. She first performed for the BBC in 1966 at Cecil Sharpe House where she performed two traditional songs: “Fear a' Bhàta” and “Green Grow the Laurels”. Her first professional recordings in 1967 were released as the albums Alex Campbell and His Friends and Sandy and Johnny. The same year she was playing at the Troubadour when she was invited to join the band Strawbs. She did one album with them called All Our Own Work, which included what would become her most famous and widely covered song, “Who Knows Where the Time Goes?”. Judy Collins heard the demo and named an album after it. Judy’s version was featured in the movie The Subject Was Roses in 1968 giving Sandy international exposure as a songwriter before anyone had heard her voice. She auditioned to become the new singer for Fairport Convention and stood out high above the others. She made three albums with Fairport Convention: What We Did On Our Holidays, Unhalfbricking, and Liege and Lief. She left Fairport Convention to form her own band Fotheringay. She began to play mostly piano from this time on. After one album with Fotheringay she went solo and her first album in 1971 was The North Star Grassman and the Ravens. She was Robert Plant’s favourite singer and she became the only guest vocalist to ever sing on a Led Zeppelin album when she dueted with Plant on The Battle of Evermore in 1971. Her second album in 1972 was called Sandy. Her third album was Like An Old fashioned Waltz. She rejoined Fairport Convention for a world tour that was captured on the album Fairport Live Convention and recorded another studio album with them called Rising for the Moon. Her last solo album Rendezvous was released in 1977. She used to deliberately throw herself down flights of stairs as a party trick and knew how to do it without serious injury. She had developed what seemed to be bipolar disorder and was also drinking and doing a lot of drugs. She fell and hit her head on concrete and afterwards began to get severe headaches for which she was prescribed dextropropoxyphene, which can be deadly when taken with alcohol. She fell downstairs again and went into a coma from which she never recovered and died a week later.