On Saturday I picked up my daughter from her mother’s place and she spent the weekend with me. The weather was nice and warm the whole day so we spent a lot of time playing outside.
Monday, 1 June 2026
Sunday, 31 May 2026
The Jackson 5
I translated all but the last three lines of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. I’ll finish that tomorrow and start working out the chords.
I weighed 89.25 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since last Saturday.
I played my Martin during song practice and as usual it went out of tune during every song.
Around midday I rode to Freedom Mobile to pay for my June phone plan. Then I went to No Frills where the grapes were super cheap but too soft so I didn’t get any. If I run out I’ll just get some at Freshco and price match them with the No Frills price. I got a pack of raspberries, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a pork loin that I wouldn’t have gotten if I’d remembered to check that it was from the US ( Why does Hog Town need to import pork anyway?), a loaf of multigrain sandwich bread, mouthwash, a jug of limeade, two small jugs of orange juice, and two containers of skyr.
I weighed 90.7 kilos at 14:30. That’s the easiest I’ve been on the scale in the early afternoon since May 22. I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with peanut butter and four-year-old cheddar and a glass of lemonade.
I took a siesta from 15:15 to 16:45. By the time I was ready to leave it was too late for a bike ride downtown so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor.
I weighed 90.45 kilos at 18:00.
I was behind on my journal and worked on getting caught up. I was still behind at suppertime.
I made pizza on naan with marinara, black olive paste, tomato pesto, a chopped New Zealand grass-fed beef burger, and four-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 7, episode 23 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone asks Carol if she’s gone streaking yet. She says, “No, I think there’s enough violence on television”.
Someone asks her favourite character. Two episodes ago she answered that it was Charo but now she says it’s the character she’s debuting tonight, based on her grandmother.
Someone asks her favourite colour and she says yellow.
She brings special guest Roddy McDowall out and his comes in the full facial makeup that he wore as Caesar in the Planet of the Apes films and TV series. Carol acts as if she’s surprised and disturbed while Roddy pretends everything is normal, even after she shows him in the monitor. She asks if there’s a movie that has influenced him and he says there is and he’d like to do a scene from it. She expects him to do something from Planet of the Apes but he recites come lines he delivered as Octavian in Cleopatra. She sings “Exactly Like You” by Jimmy McHugh and Dorothy Fields from the 1930 Broadway show Lew Leslie’s International Revue. He sings “She’s Funny That Way” by Neil Moret and Richard Whiting from the from the 1929 film Gems of MGM. They sing “They Didn’t Believe Me” by Jerome Kern and and Herbert Reynolds from the 1914 musical The Girl from Utah. He sings “Tea for Two” by Vincent Youmans and Irving Caesar from the 1924 musical Non No Nanette. She sings “Speak Low” by Kurt Weill and Ogden Nash from the 1943 musical One Touch of Venus. They sing “So in Love” by Cole Porter from the 1948 musical Kiss Me Kate. She says Roddy was such a good sport to prepare for that number since it takes him 3 and a half hours to get into his ape makeup. He shows a little film of how the makeup is applied.
We see the historical first sketch of Mama’s Family featuring Vicki as Mama, Carol as Eunice and Harvey as Ed. They are a southern US family and in this skit Roddy plays Eunice’s brother Phil who has been away for five years and is now world famous with a Nobel Prize and a Pulitzer Prize for his new book on India. Ed tries to tell Phil about his job at the hardware store but Eunice tells him they don’t want to hear it. Mama comes out and embraces Phil but almost immediately starts arguing with Eunice and forgets about Phil until Eunice’s doctor is part of the arguments and Mama says she wouldn’t take her dong to him. Suddenly Eunice is cheerful again and tells Phil he’s got to see Mama’s poodle Topaz. mama takes Phil on her lap to tell him about her dog. Phil is about to tell them about India when Eunice mentions what Topaz is doing in the bedroom and so everybody goes to look. Phil starts to invite Mama on a trip to Europe but she interrupts to complain about Eunice putting the lemonade on the antique coffee table. Phil has to leave for England soon because he has an interview with Princess Anne. Eunice tells him to call it off so he can see her house. Mama wants to know if Prince Charles is really in love with Grace Kelly’s daughter. But as soon as Phil starts talking Mama gets up and walks away. Ed asks if he’s going to keep up this book writing thing. Eunice suggests he could get a job with the local paper and then he wouldn’t have to go to India. Phil argues that there are so many interesting characters in India. Ed tells him they got a bald woman right here on our block if you want characters. Eunice says she’d like to write about her but Mama tells her she couldn’t write her way out of a paper bag because Phil’s the only one in the family with any talent. Mama goes into the bedroom and Eunice shouts bitterly at her until Mama comes out to say, “Wait till you see what that dog is doing and suddenly everybody’s back to being delighted by Topaz. Phil says it’s time for him to go and they all almost indifferently turn from the dog to acknowledge Phil before looking at the poodle again. Phil asks Mama if she’s like a copy of his book but Mama says she’s got so many books she doesn’t know where to put them. He says, “So long!” and they all say “Shhhh!”
Harvey and Lyle are carpenters who are supposed to be building a house but they are discussing how women are trying to do men’s jobs. Lyle says wouldn’t it be funny if their new helper was a broad? Then Carol shows up as their new helper but they don’t see her yet. Harvey says the first thing she’d want to put up is the curtains. Carol gets to work while Harvey prepares to nail a board but he puts the nails in his mouth and Lyle says it’s disgusting. Then Harvey breaks a fingernail. The men argue about this and that until Carol announces that she’s finished the job. She offers to buy them a beer but they are uncomfortable going to McGuinty’s with her until she takes off her overalls and is wearing a mini-dress. Then they are all for it.
The Jackson 5 perform the 1973 song “Dancing Machine” by Hal Davis, Don Fletcher, and Dean Parks. Michael Jackson still has his original nose. He performs “the robot” dance, which became extremely popular as a result. I still see a middle aged guy busking in front of Eaton Centre and his whole schtick is doing the robot.
Harvey, Carol, Vicki, and Lyle are all sitting on a bench at a bus stop when the phone in the booth behind them starts ringing. They discuss how strange it is to hear a phone booth ringing. Vicki says she heard about it happening once when a radio announcer randomly dialled a number that just happened to be a public phone. Somebody on the street picked it up, answered a simple question and won $2500. The phone rings again and they all rush for the booth, fighting to get to the phone. They agree to split the money if it’s a contest and Vickie answers the phone but the caller has already hung up. They discuss how absurd it is to have hoped it was a quiz show. The bus doesn’t seem to be coming so they start to go in their separate directions when the phone rings and they all rush for it. After a little struggle they agree they are still partners and Carol answers. It turns out to really be the Dial a Buck radio show and the question is, “How many letters are in the headline of the Daily Globe today. They all run for the garbage can where the paper was thrown and count the letters while a drunk comes by and stops at the phone booth to check the coin slot. He then hangs up the phone. They all start crying.
In a tea room in England Carol is sitting reading a book. Roddy comes and asks “Taken?” She says, “No”. Their entire conversation consists of single word sentences. “Intruding?” “No.” She almost knocks a pot over and says, “Clumsy”. He says “Untrue”. “True.” “Graceful.” “Please!” “Sorry.” “Forgiven.” “Married?” “Yes!” “Sorry.” “You?” “What?” “Married?” “Yes.” “Lovely.” “Mmmm.” “Children?” “Two.” “Three.” “Lovely.” “Please!” “Sorry.” “Hillary.” “Rex.” “Majestic!” “Inappropriate!” “Suitable.” “Happy?” “No!” “Why?” “Busy!” “Neglectful?” “Yes!” “Idiot!” “Don’t!” “Sorry!” “You?” “What?” “Happy?” “No.” “Wife?” “Frigid!” “Nooo!” “Affair!” “Affair?” “Yes!” “Us?” “Please!” “Impossible!” “Rubbish!” “Immoral!” “True.” “Going!” “Now?” “Must!” “Please!” “Must!” “Hillary, whatever you do, don’t look back!” “Chatterbox!” and she leaves.
At Glendale Music School The Jackson 5 and the dancers are students. It is announced that Sylvia Newton is the substitute teacher today. She says she’s going to show that learning to read music is fun. It can be very helpful in your life if you’re going to be a rock and roll star like Frankie Laine. Most of the Jackson 5 ask, “Who’s he?” Michael says, “I think he’s one of those old singers like David Cassidy. Sylvia says, “Just think of the notes as people and the lines of the staff as their home. Mr. A is sharp. Mrs. B is flat. She asks, “If Mr. A and Mrs. B get married what happens?” Someone says, “They give birth to the Blues!” Sylvia says “No! They give birth to baby C”. A sharp and a flat make a natural. She gets them to follow her in a song: “ABC”. Then she teaches about rests and beats. “Rest 2-3-4 Awake 2-3-4…” She gets the class to go “Rest clap, rest clap, rest clap” repeatedly while she sings the English children’s folk song “This Old Man”. Each member of The Jackson 5 sings a verse. Then Carol Sylvia joins in as they sing their 1970 hit “ABC” by the Corporation (Barry Gordy, Alphonso Mizell, Freddie Perren, and Deke Richards).
The Jackson 5 were Jackie, Tito, Jermaine, Marlon, and Michael. They were managed by their father Joe Jackson. They formed their first group in 1963 with 5 year old Michael playing congas. They won their first talent show in 1966. They performed for a few years on the Chitlin Circuit until they signed with Steeltown Records in 1967. They signed with Motown in 1968 and were the first group to debut with four consecutive number 1 hits: “I Want You Back”, “ABC”, “The Love You Save”, and “I’ll Be There”. They left Motown in 1978 after learning they were earning only 2.8% of the royalties from their record sales, and had to change their name to The Jacksons because Barry Gordy owned the rights to The Jackson 5. Their last album with Michael was Victory in 1984 and it was their biggest selling album. The Jackson 5 made white people feel better about black families.
Dick Clair
I also completed my memorization of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. I finished translating the second verse and tomorrow I’ll try to finish my translation.
I weighed 90.15 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since March 4.
I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune almost the whole time.
I opened the can of Blue Bliss and painted the screws that I’d used on Wednesday to mount the wire rack in the bathroom. I touched up a few areas on and around the rack. Since there was still time and I had the paint open I started painting the frame for what’s going to be my bathroom mirror. I didn’t get too close to the floral relief that occurs four times around the frame because I didn’t have time for careful work. On Sunday I’ll do that. The blue is going to need at least two coats. The roses in relief will be in the same pink shade called Crazy in Love that I used for the ceiling.
I weighed 90.8 kilos before lunch. That’s the least I’ve pushed the scale in the early afternoon since last Friday.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 89.9 kilos at 17:50.
I was still a day behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up but was still behind at suppertime.
I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 7, episode 21 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup a set of 15 year old twins ask Carol if it’s true that she pretended to have a twin sister when she was a child. She says it’s true because she thought it would be fun to have a twin. The girls confirm that it is.
Someone asks which are her favourite characters. In the past she’s answered Zelda but this time she says Nora Desmond and Charo.
Carol plays a housewife about to do her ironing and she turns on the radio. She listens to a talk show on which a caller (played by Vicki) says she’s having an affair with the husband of her best friend, who lives next door. She says she’s disguising her voice in case her friend is listening but then starts talking in her real voice and Carol recognizes it. Vicki says she meets with her friend’s husband every day because he’s secretly quit his job as a dynamite salesman. She says he pretends to go to work every day but just comes over to her house to spend the day. He’s in the other room mixing martinis right now. Suddenly Carol’s husband (played by Lyle) comes in to get some olives. He says he was driving to work and had a sudden craving. Vicki says they’re going to drink the martinis, he’s going to play mood music and then they’re going to (censored on the radio). Lyle comes back home and starts to leave with a record player and some albums. Carol asks what he’s doing. He explains that the radio in his car is broken and he needs to listen to music on the way to work. Carol hears Vicki tell Lyle to get some candles, so Carol gets a candle in a candle holder ready for him when he returns but replaces the candle with a stick of dynamite. Soon there is an explosion next door and Carol tears up the shirt she was ironing while singing “I Did It My Way” by Paul Anka.
Eydie Gormet comes home to a lonely apartment while her own voice is singing in the background the 1928 song “How About Me?” by Irving Berlin. Then she sings the 1973 song “The Way We Were” by Alan Bergman, Marilyn Bergman, and Marvin Hamlisch.
There is a series of very short Laugh-In style skits beginning with Tim Conway singing “First the tide rushes in” just before a bunch of water falls on his head.
Lyle and Vickie are standing on a threshold as he sings “Goodnight Irene”. She says “I’m Helen!” and punches him in the gut. He punches her in the jaw.
Tim Conway sings “First the tide rushes in” again but this time holds an umbrella over his head. However the water is thrown from his left.
Harvey, in an extremely masculine voice and stance sings Bob Dylan’s lyric: “How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man”, then he does a very effeminate walk down the road.
Tim is now holding two umbrellas, one above and another on his left side but the water comes from his right side.
Eydie is on the couch when there is a knock. She asks who it is and a voice says “The boy next door”. She sings, “How can I ignore the boy next door?” and opens it. It’s Harvey in a beard and hat with flowers. He’s portraying a much shorter man while on his knees on a pair of shoes. In answer to her question she says, “Simple” just before he gives her an uppercut in the jaw.
Tim is now holding an umbrella above and on each side of him but the water comes from the front.
Carol is sitting on a bench when Harvey comes up with a gun to mug her and says, “Gimme all your dough!” She looks in her purse and finds it empty so she starts singing and dancing towards him, “I can’t give you anything but love baby”. He shouts for the police, then hands her $20 to leave him alone, but she punches him in the face.
Vicki answers the door and Tim is her date. She sings “Getting to know you” by Rodgers and Hammerstein from the 1951 musical The King and I. He proceeds to clumsily break things in her apartment while she continues to sing. She guides him back to the door then punches him in the jaw. He comes back and returns the favour.
Harvey sings, “I Talk to the Trees” by Alan J. Lerner and Frederick Loewe from the 1951 musical Paint Your Wagon. But two men in white coats come up to grab him and assure him he’s going to a place where he can talk to the trees all he wants.
Tim is wearing a rain hat and a full raincoat as he sings, “First the tide comes in” but he gets a cream pie in the face.
Harvey plays a German officer with an Allied prisoner (played by Lyle). Harvey says he’s going to bring in Wolfgang Schweinhund the most feared interrogator in the German army. Tim arrives as Wolfgang and they talk fake German to each other. He introduces himself to Lyle as “The most feared interrogator in all the world and part of Canada”. Since Lyle still won’t talk Wolfgang says he’s making the Fuhrer very angry as he pulls out a Hitler hand puppet. Hitler is holding a pencil in both hands and Wolfgang tells Lyle that Hitler is gonna hit him with that club. Lyle starts laughing. Hitler tries to make Lyle feel at home by singing “I’ve Been Working On the Railroad” and Lyle cracks up again. Wolfgang takes a wine bottle and tries to break it so he can cut Lyle’s face but everything he hits the bottle on breaks while the bottle remains intact. Finally Harvey takes it from him and hits him over the head, breaking the bottle. Wolfgang asks how many airplanes the Allies have in North Africa. Lyle says “A lot more than you have in Berlin”. Wolfgang and Harvey start laughing. They show Lyle a paper to prove how many planes they have in Berlin. Lyle says, “You don’t have enough men to man that many planes”. They laugh again and show them a paper documenting how many men they have. Lyle says, “What good are all those men with inferior weapons?” Wolfgang hands Lyle his Lugar to prove what good weapons they have and Lyle turns it on him and escapes with the information.
Carol is at a carnival and enters the tent of the fortune teller played by Vicki. Vicki goes into a trance and knows Carol’s name is Miss Wotacheck. She says she will meet a tall dark stranger. Suddenly Lyle comes in. Vicki says he’ll fall madly in love with you. He kisses Carol. Vicki says he’ll take her to the Mediterranean where they’ll live happily ever after. But suddenly Eydie comes in, calls him a two timing gigolo and shoots him. Eydie hands Carol the gun, tells her it will get her through enemy lines but advises her to save one bullet for herself. A detective comes in and arrests Carol for the murder of the Marquis de Rothman, the richest man alive. Then a man in dark glasses and a trenchcoat knocks out the cop. He pulls a gun on Carol and demands to know where’s the microfilm. They put her in a chair and call for Thor. A big torturer approaches. Then some rebel guerillas arrive and say that since she didn’t tell anyone the location of the microfilm she’s saved Tetsalovia. The president arrives to say she is their greatest citizen. She says she’s from Akron. Since she’s an Akronian she is sentenced to the firing squad. She is shot and the men leave. She drags herself to the fortune teller and pays her $2 before dying.
Two detectives played by Lyle and Vickie enter a dinner party and say “Nobody leave the room”. They reveal their conclusions based on all the clues, the main one being the six-fingered glove. Lyle demands to see Mr. Sedgwick’s hand. They struggle until Harvey informs him he’s not Sedgwick and this is the Mermelstein bar mitzva.
Harvey with a James Mason accent arrives at the home of the high Lama (played by Tim) in Shangri-La. He finds him asleep in his chair. Harvey says he’s looking for a high Lama. The Lama says he was high on Thursday. He says in Shangri-La one no longer needs to conform to the ridiculous dictates of society. Harvey asks if he can join and the Lama says yes but gives him a necktie to wear.
Carol and Eydie sing the 1911 song “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” by Irving Berlin. Then the 1924 song “Doodle Doo Doo” by Art Kassel and Mel Stitzel. The dancers tap dance. They intermix it with “The Beat Goes On” by Sonny Bono.
One of the writers for the Carol Burnett Show was Dick Clair, who was part of a writing and comedy team with Jenna McMahon with whom he performed skits on Ed Sullivan and The Dean Martin Show. He also wrote episodes of Soap, The Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Bob Newhart Show. He co-created with Jenna the sitcoms It’s a Living, The Facts of Life, and Mama’s Family. He had AIDS and fought a long and well publicized legal battle with the state of California to win the right to have his body cryogenically frozen when he died.
May 31, 1996: Brian and I busked on Bloor
Thirty years ago today
On Friday I busked on Bloor Street with Brian Haddon while at the same time rehearsing for our upcoming feature performances at my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy and the Art Bar reading series. Later we performed on the Spit Fridays open stage in the back room of the Cameron.
Saturday, 30 May 2026
Barry Levinson
On Thursday morning I memorized the ninth verse of L'anguille (The Eel) by Boris Vian. There is only one verse left and it’s almost the same as the sixth verse so I’ll probably have the whole song in my head tomorrow.
I memorized the fifth verse of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg. There’s just one verse remaining to nail down in that song as well.
I weighed 90.35 kilos before breakfast.
During song practice I played my Kramer and it stayed in tune almost through the whole session.
I was a day behind on my journal and worked on getting caught up.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown. On Brock Avenue someone had thrown out a bunch of stuff, including some books. I took Wicked by Gregory Maquire, The Eden Express by Mark Vonnegut, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof by Tennessee Williams, Go Ask Alice by Anonymous, and The Trial by Franz Kafka.
On the way back I stopped at Freshco where the grapes from Chile were very cheap and so I bought seven bags. I also got one pack of raspberries, one pack of blueberries, some bananas, a carton of spoon sized shredded wheat, some hair conditioner, and a pack of Sponge Towels.
I weighed 90.7 kilos at 18:30.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal but I was still behind at suppertime.
I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 7, episode 20 of The Carol Burnett Show.
A girl in the audience says she performed Carol’s character Zelda in a school play and so Carol gets her to come up on stage and do a bit of the character.
Carol plugs Cicely Tyson’s performance in The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pitman. She says Cicely has her vote for the Emmy. She did win.
In "As the Stomach Turns", Marian is talking to a friend on the phone and asks about her weekend. She hears about a confrontation with another woman, an alcoholic binge, a trial separation, and that her maid quit. Marian says, “It was nice talking to you Maude”. Then she says, “Life’s not easy when you’re in the top ten”. This is clearly a reference to the sitcom Maude , which was in it’s second season at the time. Marian looks through her photo album and sees the X-Ray of her broken heart which was taken when she found out the truth about her second husband Sylvia. There are lots of pictures of her smiling at some of the funerals of her ex-husbands. Marian is thinking out loud about how her niece will be visiting today and then she wonders how she can have a niece when she has no siblings.
Marian’s niece Raven arrives (played by Bernadette Peters), and says, “Hello Grandmother Marian!” Marian says she’s too young to be her grandmother. Raven brings Marian cherry blossoms from Washington, Martha Washington candy and two tapes. The tapes are clearly a reference to the missing Nixon White House tapes. Marian puts the blossoms in a vase but Raven suddenly changes her mood and smashes it. Marian puts the candies in a bowl and Raven changes again to smash it and stomp on all of the candies. Raven predicts Marian will have a bursitis attack and then Marian collapses in pain. Marian sits down and the chair starts to dance by itself. Raven is possessed like Regan in the 1973 movie The Exorcist but Marian just thinks it’s the generation gap and tries to talk young talk. She attempts to “rap” with Raven and tells her to “Let it all hang out”. Raven punches her in the stomach and growls, “Get lost you old bat!” Raven grabs a knife and starts ripping the upholstery. The doorbell rings and it’s Tim Conway as Otto Blackflag, Canoga Falls’ leading exterminator. He says because of the success of the movie The Exorcist he’s decided to become a freelance exorcist. Marian asks about his experience and he said he once saved a girl who was possessed by the June Taylor Dancers. Otto begins Raven’s exorcism by showing her the symbols of goodness. He first shows Raven an 8x10 of Doris Day drinking a glass of milk; next is a white shoe worn by Pat Boone; then a twig from the Christmas tree of the King Family; and finally a set of Shirley Temple glasses used by the Johnny Mann singers during a tribute to America the Beautiful when the guest star was Kate Smith. Otto says Raven is cured and she has nothing but goodness in her heart and soul and a little bit of her knee. The last part must have been an ad lib because both Carol and Bernadette start laughing. Otto sits down in a chair that starts flying with him in it.
Bernadette sings the 1934 song “Blame it On My Youth” by Oscar Levant and Edward Heyman.
Tammy Corkrin (Carol) is sitting at a restaurant table when a woman she recognizes walks in and she calls out to Midge Morgan (Vickie), who recognizes her as well. Midge sits down and Tammy asks how she is. Midge says she’s never been better but Tammy says she looks tired. Midge says she’s married and her husband’s a doctor. Tammy says that’s the right idea to marry a rich old man for security. “Roy and I are extremely happy.” “That dazzle will wear off soon enough.” “We’ve been married five years.” Midge tells Tammy that she made a record. “Not one of those outfits where you pay them!” “No, it’s on Capital Records.” “Only one in a million ever sells.” “Mine sold quite a few. Maybe you heard it. Glitter Girl?” “It was effective but one record doesn’t mean a thing. You’re dead if you don’t cut an album.” “I’m cutting an album tomorrow.” “One album doesn’t mean a thing. You haven’t got a prayer unless you do stage and movies.” “I am opening in a new musical next week.” “Don’t tell me you’ve been roped into one of those little theatre groups at the end of an alley.” “I’m the lead in the new musical that’s opening at the Music Pavilion. They’re going to premier it here before they take it to Broadway.” “That’s the kiss of death! Only Neil Simon could pull that off.” “This is by Neil Simon.” “When will Neil Simon quit? Nobody goes to plays anymore. The cinema is where it’s at.” “This has already been sold to a movie producer.” “They’ll use another girl for the part and you be left out in the cold.” “The director already signed me for the lead because he asked for me.” “Some poor director from off Broadway.” “It’s Mike Nichols.” “I hope he pulls out of the slump he’s been in. He’s down to working with Dolphins lately (A reference to The Day of the Dolphin).” “He’s a great director. Even his first film Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? was a hit.” “Even I could slap a grey wig on Elizabeth Taylor and come up with a hit. You’re a dead duck if you don’t come up with a big male star.” “We do have Robert Redford.” “What’s he done? Nine or ten movies.” “He’s so handsome!” “Everybody just thinks he is.” “He is awfully talented.” “Can he sing? Can he tap dance? The movie industry is on its last legs anyway. Only the nitwits are hanging in there.” “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should get out of the business.” “Now you’re cooking! Why don’t we have dinner tonight?” “I can’t. I have to have dinner with my director.” Midge leaves in tears. A couple walks into the restaurant. Tammy grabs two menus and says, “Table for two? Right this way please.”
Harvey and Tim play two Japanese sailors in a two-man submarine in 1942 on a mission to sink Cleveland. They speak in a fake language that sounds like Japanese to westerners. Tim is the superior officer and he hits Harvey from time to time the way Moe would hit the others in Three Stooges movies. Tim outlines their plan of attack. They’ll arrive at the west coast of the US and rent a U-Haul to take their sub to Las Vegas. Harvey mentions Todie Field and Tim hits him. They get hit by a depth charge and spring a leak. They try to fire a torpedo but it shoots backwards and now it’s hallway in their cabin. Tim pushes it back in, Harvey fires and Tim gets shot out of the sub.
They do a tribute to the movies of the 1930s, starting with gangster movies. The mob boss usually has to be wiped out. Harvey plays a barber about to shave a mob boss named Luckiano. His eyes are covered with a towel. Harvey’s back is turned as he gets everything ready. Tim comes in with a violin case. He opens the case, pulls out what’s inside and aims to fire but it’s an actual violin. He pulls a gun from his jacket and fires but there are no bullets. He pulls a knife but the blade falls off. He pulls out a rope to strangle him but that falls apart as well. He puts some dynamite in the barber’s chair and steps outside with the plunger but unknowingly drags the dynamite outside with him and blows himself up. Harvey is ready to shave Luckiano but sneezes and accidentally slits the don’s throat.
The 30s gave birth to the movie musical and one of the most successful movie songwriters was Harry Warren. They do a mini-musical using Warren’s songs.
In a sheet music store Carol pretends to play piano and sings “I Found a Million Dollar Baby in a Five and Ten Cent Store” with lyrics by Mort Dixon and Billy Rose from the 1931 musical Crazy Quilt. Harvey comes in playing a college student and invites Carol to a dance . She thinks it’s a date but he’s hiring her to play for the dancers. They pick out some songs, like “We’re in the Money” with lyrics by Al Dubin from Gold Diggers of 1933. Harvey asks for something romantic for when he gives Lulu his pin so she picks, “You’re My Everything” with lyrics by Mort Dixon and Joe Young from the 1931 revue The Laugh Parade. Later at the dance Carol plays “With Plenty of Money and You Oh Baby What I Couldn’t Do” with lyrics by Al Dubin from Gold Diggers of 1937. She sings “Shadow Waltz” with lyrics by Al Dubin from Golddiggers of 1933. Harvey arrives with Lulu (Bernadette) who sings “Lulu’s Back in Town” with lyrics by Al Dubin from the 1935 film Broadway Gondolier. Lulu does a big tap dance with the Ernie Flatt Dancers while singing the 1928 song “Nagasaki” with lyrics by Mort Dixon. Harvey starts singing “You’re My Everything” to Lulu but drops his pin and then several guys move in to give her theirs and then they carry her away, leaving Harvey alone. Then Harvey sings “The Boulevard of Broken Dreams” with lyrics by Al Dubin from the 1934 film Moulin Rouge. Carol sings “Don’t Give Up the Ship” with lyrics by Al Dubin from the 1935 film Shipmates Forever. Harvey takes her glasses off and sings “Jeepers Creepers” with lyrics by Johnny Mercer from the 1938 movie Going Places. Then she sings “I Only Have Eyes For You” with lyrics by Al Dubin from the 1934 movie Dames. He’s about to kiss her when Lulu taps him on the shoulder and sings “Shuffle Off to Buffalo” with lyrics by Al Dubin from the 1933 film 42nd Street. Then everybody sings it and leaves Carol alone. She sings “Lullaby of Broadway” with lyrics by Al Dubin from the 1935 movie Golddiggers of 1935. But Harvey returns and sings “I Found a Million Dollar Baby” and they kiss.
One of the writers of The Carol Burnett Show was Barry Levinson, who after college went to LA where he studied acting, improvisation, and production. He worked in comedy clubs where he learned to write. In 1967 he got a job at a local LA station writing for a comedy show. He performed on the show and won a local Emmy. In the 70s he started writing for The Carol Burnett Show and co-won two Emmys. He also wrote for Marty Feldman’s Comedy Machine and The Tim Conway Show. He co-wrote the screenplays for Silent Movie, High Anxiety, He co-wrote And Justice For All. He wrote and directed Diner, Tin Men, Avalon, Jimmy Hollywood, Liberty Heights, He directed The Natural, Young Sherlock Holmes, Rain Man (which won four Oscars including Best Director), Good Morning Vietnam, Man of the Year, Bugsy, Disclosure, An Everlasting Piece, Wag the Dog, Bandits, Poliwood, Envy, What Just Happened, The Bay, The Humbling, Rock the Kasbah, and the Alto Knights. He co-wrote and directed Toys, Sleepers, . He directed and produced Sphere. He co-produced the series Dopesick and directed the first two episodes. He co-produced Homicide: Life On the Street, Oz, He directed the American Express webisodes The Adventures of Seinfeld and Superman. His first novel is called Sixty Six.
May 30, 1996: I made quick poses to warm up the artists
On Thursday I probably worked for some art class or art group, doing gestures for a warm-up and longer poses later on.
Friday, 29 May 2026
Emma Myers
I worked on memorizing the ninth verse of “L'anguille (The Eel)” by Boris Vian and the fifth verse of “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo) by Serge Gainsbourg.
I weighed 90.1 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since March 4.
Around midday I cleaned the splattered paint from the bathroom tiles above the toilet. I then screwed the newly blue painted wire rack into the wall just above the tiles. The right screw went securely into the wall but the left one didn’t really catch. The rack is fairly solidly attached to the wall nonetheless. It holds the yellow teapot containing my combs and my hair brush, the copper goblet containing my tooth cleaning instruments, and the identical goblet that holds my toothpastes. Before this I kept the rack on the back of the toilet and the goblets used to fall off, but now everything is secure and it looks nice.
I weighed 91.35 kilos before lunch. That’s the most I’ve pushed the scale in the early afternoon since March 2. I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with peanut butter and four -year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of lemonade.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 90.55 kilos at 18:15. Not as much as the evening of March 2 but up there.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal as I was a day behind.
I grilled four burgers made from New Zealand grass fed beef. I had one on a Montreal style bagel with ketchup, Dijon, horseradish, and two gherkins while watching the second episode of Wednesday with my daughter Astrid on Discord.
At the end of the first episode Rowan was about to kill Wednesday with his telekinetic powers when a monster attacked and ripped him to shreds.
At the beginning of the second episode Jericho’s sheriff and his men can’t find a trace of Rowan’s body (why does the sheriff of a town in New England have a southern US accent?) Later when Wednesday is telling the sheriff that someone is trying to cover up Rowan’s death, who walks in but Rowan?
Wednesday has Thing follow Rowan but he loses him because it turns out that Rowan is either a shape shifter or else a shape shifter is posing as Rowan. We also see him change into the principal of Nevermore and so one wonders if she’s the shapeshifter.
Wednesday sneaks into Xavier and Rowan’s room, and with the help of Thing, looks for the book in which Rowan’s mother drew the picture of Wednesday before she was born. While she is there she hears Xavier returning and Wednesday hides under the bed. The siren Bianca who is Xavier’s ex comes to visit. She speaks ill of Wednesday and says she doesn’t like her because she thinks she’s better than everybody else.
Wednesday’s extremely perky roommate Enid has asked Wednesday to be on her team for the annual no rules boat race and she’s refused. But now to defeat Bianca she agrees to become her co-pilot. Enid’s team wear cat costumes similar to that of Catwoman in the second Batman movie. Bianca has a student who is a merman hold the other boats back but Wednesday has rigged her team’s boat with a net that snares him. Later he frees himself but she has Thing jump in the water and knock him out with one punch.
There is a connection between Rowan’s book and the secret student Nightshades Society. It’s headquarters is a secret library that must be accessed by answering a riddle and she figures that the answer is snapping her fingers twice. There is a portrait of her parents below.
It turns out that Edgar Allan Poe was Nevermore’s most famous student.
Enid is played by Emma Myers, who was home schooled and so she sought out a sense of community through theatre and dancing. She made her film debut in Letters to God in 2010 and her TV debut in The Glades in 2010. She co-starred in the film Family Switch, She stars in A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, She won a Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award for her performance in the Minecraft Movie.
Astrid and I chatted for about an hour after watching the show. She’d like to get a corgi but is worried she wouldn’t be up to the responsibility. Plus she lives on the second floor and corgis aren’t good with stairs.
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