March 28, 1996: I worked out a unique adaptation of Mr. Tambourine Man

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday Brian Haddon and I combined busking with rehearsing for our future gig at Fat Albert’s. I worked out my own unique version of Bob Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man”.

Harvey Korman

            On Thursday morning I worked out the chords for most of the fourth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, but that’s the second verse of the song adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. I don’t think Vian ever wrote or had anyone else write a melody for the song and so Fedrizzi’s tune is the only one I have to go on. Fedrizzi used less than half of the original lyrics and so I’ll have to fill in the blanks later. 

            I imported to my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project numbers 101 to 220 of the images I collected for my photo-video of that song. There are 31 left and I’ll upload those tomorrow. Then I’ll start synchronizing the pictures with the lyrics. I think all of the photos will probably need to have their duration on the video timeline shortened by at least half. 

            I weighed 87.2 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of two sessions and it went out of tune during almost every song except for one. 

            Around midday I went over to the hardware store and bought two kinds of bedbug spray: one the poison and the other the diatomaceous earth. I asked Mikey if they sell more of the stuff lately and he said he thinks more is sold in the spring. 

            I weighed 88.6 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon it was too rainy for a bike ride downtown and so I just rode to Freshco. The grapes were all too soft so I just bought bag of oranges instead. I also got two packs of raspberries, two bags of avocadoes, some bananas, a pack of mushrooms, a tub of cream cheese, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, a jar of marinara sauce, a jar of salsa, a pack of Irish Spring soap and a pack of Sponge Towels. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos at 17:35. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:25. 

            I tried again to digitize side 1 of the problematic cassette that would barely record at all with a direct line from the tape player to my audio interface. Yesterday I came close by recording it with a microphone against the speaker but the bass was overwhelming and the volume was too low. This time I turned the bass right down and the volume up to 0 and it worked. It starts with a live recording of my song “Megaphor” and the rest is a rehearsal of “Me and Gravity” and “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”. Tomorrow I’ll do side 2. 

            I created some folders for photos in my SSD and deleted several images from my hard drive. I steamed a broccoli crown and had half of it in a salad with cucumber, grape tomatoes, and avocadoes while watching season 1, episode 22 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up someone asks Carol if she’s double jointed and she demonstrates that she is. Nanette Fabray performs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in sign language. 

            There’s a parody of Valley of the Dolls. Carol and two other women are sitting on a bed. One of them says she’s going to call the drugstore and order an overdose of sleeping pills. Another says, “Get me a jar of Dippity Do. Carol says she’s tired of the lying and the cheating so she’s going to leave Hollywood and go back to the little town she came from. One asks, “Where are you from?” Carol says, “Peyton Place”. 

            There’s a parody of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. The son played by Harvey Korman brings home a mermaid played by Nanette Fabray. His parents Carol Burnett and Art Carney have to learn to accept her. 

            In the next sketch it’s the 1936 Academy Awards and Shirley Dimple (played by Carol) is brought out to present the award for Best Child Star but she resents not receiving it again herself. The winner is her arch-rival Janey Dithers (played by Nanette). Shirley and Janey are asked to recreate their famous number from Babes in Armenia. While they are acting out the friendship declared in the lyrics they are also making little attacks on each other until they end up in a big feather pillow fight. 

            Carol brings out Lyle Waggoner to ask about his acting background. He says he studied improvisation. Carol asks to do an improv with Lyle. She says, “Let’s pretend that we love each other a lot but haven’t seen each other in five years”. Carol steps in and Lyle says, “I’m so glad to see you mother!” 

            Vickie Lawrence does a song and dance number with Don Chrichton and the Earnie Flatt Dancers. The song is “Bend Me Shape Me” by Scott English and Larry Weiss. It was a hit by The American Breed in 1968. Some of the members went on to form Rufus. 

            In the next skit Carol plays an obsessively jealous wife who is married to a garbage collector played by Art Carney. She thinks that every woman wants her husband even though she’s the only woman who’s attracted to him. 

            The final song and dance number features Carol and Nanette. They play tough roller derby chicks singing “I Enjoy Being a Girl” by Rogers and Hammerstein from the musical Flower Drum Song. Three years before this, on the show The Entertainers, Carol sang the song while dressed as Morticia Addams. Art carney joins them with a song about Wild Women. In the end everybody has broken teeth. 

            Harvey Korman studied at the Goodman School of Drama. His TV debut was on The Donna Reed Show in 1959. His film debut was in Carving Magic in 1959. His first big break was as a co-star on The Danny Kaye Show. He was the voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones. He won four Emmy Awards and a Golden Globe for his work on The Carol Burnett Show. He had his own sitcom The Harvey Korman Show briefly in 1977 and starred in the also short lived Leo and Liz in Beverly Hills in the 80s. He co-starred in High Anxiety, Herbie Goes Bananas, Don’t Just Stand There, Americathon, and First Family.

March 27, 1996: I hosted my open stage as always on Tuesdays

Thirty years ago today 

            On Tuesday evening as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel.

Betty Grable

            On Wednesday morning I worked out the chords for the first verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I created a Movie Maker project for “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I imported the song and placed the music on the audio timeline. I imported the first 100 images I’d gathered for the video and placed them in order in the video timeline. Tomorrow I might have them all uploaded or at least the second 100. 

            I weighed 87.3 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric for the last of two sessions and it only went out of tune once.

            Around midday I did my taxes. 

            I weighed 88.35 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco. But all the grapes were too soft and so I walked over to Metro where I bought three bags of green grapes and some soy based vanilla ice cream.

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 18.55. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:06. 

            I tried again to digitally record the cassette tape that has been so difficult over the last three weeks. The opening track of my band playing “Megaphor” live has always been the main track that has failed and just come through as noise when I tried to run the sound directly into my audio interface. This time I put a microphone to the speaker and plugged that into the audio interface. This time it recorded although the volume was low and the bass was too dominant. I’ll try it again tomorrow with the bass turned down and the volume higher. 

            I steamed a bunch of asparagus tips and had them in a salad with cucumber, tomato, avocado and pomegranate zaatar dressing while watching season 1, episode 21 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            The VIP interview is with Queen Elizabeth as played by Carol. The interviewer is Harvey Korman who tells her he likes her crown. She says, “I got it this morning eating margarine”. That’s a reference to the old Imperial Margarine commercials in which a crown appears on the heads of people who eat it. 

            Betty Grable does a song and dance number to “Hello Dolly” by Jerry Herman. 

            The next skit depicts the final episode of a soap opera called As the Stomach Turns. Marian and Victoria are having tea when Victoria asks Marian about her son who went away fifteen years ago. Marian reveals to Victoria that he’s really her son. Victoria insists that she’s never had a baby but Marian assures her she did and informs her that she’s had amnesia for many years. Victoria now remembers. Bob Baxter the boy next door arrives as he got out of jail five minutes ago when it was found that he didn’t really murder Natalie Carter because she recently confessed that she lied at his trial. Bob tells her he’s getting married and brings his fiancé in, played by Martha Raye. Marian recognizes her as the conniving chorus girl Connie Canoga. They are getting married only three days after her wealthy husband died. Bob confesses that he is Marian’s missing son, who is really Victoria’s son. Victoria and Bob embrace and Victoria remembers that Connie pushed her into the Canoga Falls and that’s how she got amnesia. Victoria says, “You tried to kill me! Why? Why? Why?” Connie tells her, “Just one question at a time!” She tried to kill her because her husband fell in love with her just because she was a little prettier. Victoria comforts her, “That’s not true dear. I was a lot prettier”. Marian finds out that her son who only had six months to live is improving and they now give him seven months to live.” Marian reveals that her poor dead husband isn’t dead. He’s been in the basement for the last 15 years writing a song that will make them rich. Her elderly husband staggers downstairs and announces he finished the song. He is about to sing it when he has a heart attack and dies. 

            They have the Most Beautiful Legs Contest with five contestants sticking only their crossed legs out from behind curtain. The winner is decided by applause. Clearly the ones on the left are the best but it’s the ones on the right that win and they are Harvey Korman’s legs. The ones on the left are Betty Grable’s, who had the most famous legs in Hollywood. 

            Next Carol and Martha play two working class housewives sitting on a stoop. They sing “Flings” by Bob Merrill from the musical New Girl in Town. 

            In Carol’s biographical sketch, Carol, Roger, and Vickie’s 90 some years old Aunt Molly and Uncle Burt come to visit. 

            The final number is by Carol, Betty, and Martha. They sing the 1923 song “That Old Gang of Mine” by Billy Rose, Mort Dixon, and Ray Henderson. It was originally introduced in the Ziegfeld Follies. 

            Betty Grable was enrolled in dance school at the age of three and learned tap and ballet. She attended the Hollywood Professional School. Her mother lied about her age and got her a job as a chorus girl when she was only 13. She also entered her into multiple beauty contests. She attracted Hollywood’s attention while performing in Du Barry Was a Lady on Broadway. She made her film debut in Happy Days. She sang for the Ted Fio Rito orchestra even though she was not a great vocalist. She married Jackie Coogan in 1939 but divorced Uncle Fester shortly after. She co-starred in Down Argentine Way, Probation, This Way Please, College Swing, How to Marry a Millionaire, Tin Pan Alley, Footlight Serenade, A Yank in the RAF, and Mother Wore Tights. She starred in Coney Island, Sweet Rosie O’Grady, Springtime in the Rockies, The Dollie Sisters, I Wake Up Screaming, Million Dollar Legs, Pin-Up Girl, Billy Rose’s Diamond Horseshoe, The Shocking Miss Pilgrim, That Lady in Ermine, When My Baby Smiles at Me, The Beautiful Blond from Bashful Bend, Wabash Avenue, My Blue Heaven, Call Me Mister, Meet Me After the Show, The Farmer Takes a Wife, Three For the Show, and How to be Very Very Popular. During WWII she became the most popular pin-up girl among US soldiers. In 1946 and 1947 she was the highest paid actress in Hollywood. She was making $300,000 a year which would be $5.4 million now. 20th Century Fox had her legs insured for $1 million. She said she was strictly a song and dance girl and could only act well enough to get by.

March 26, 1996: I worked somewhere

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday I probably posed for an art class or drawing or painting group somewhere.

Dionne Warwick

            On Tuesday morning I worked out the chords for half of the first verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I finished gathering images for my photo-video of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. Tomorrow I’ll start importing them to Movie Maker.

            I weighed 87.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice for the first of two sessions and it stayed in tune the whole time. 

            Around midday I rode up to Yonge and St. Clair to get a haircut at Top Cuts. When I left I no longer had mad scientist’s hair. 

            I weighed 87.15 kilos at 16:00, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since December 16. 

            I took a siesta from 16:30 to 18:00. 

            I weighed 87.8 kilos at 18:20. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:20. 

            I reviewed the recording I made with my cassette-to-MP3 converter of the cassette tape that’s been failing to be digitized for the last three weeks. A very short part of the beginning of side 1 and 13 minutes of side 2 came through clean, albeit with the occasional skipping that happens with that device. I would like to try recording the tape by simply playing it with a microphone against a speaker but I didn’t have time tonight and so I decided to run it through the cassette-to-MP3 converter one more time to see if it comes through any differently. I started the converter recording but after over an hour I noticed I’d forgotten that last night I’d removed the tape from the machine. I started again. 

            I had a lettuce, cucumber, mushroom, tomato, and avocado salad with pomegranate zaatar dressing while watching season 1, episode 19 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up a 12 year old boy tells Carol he’s admired her for many years and wonders if she’ll have dinner with him. Carol says she can’t have dinner with him but invites him to come back stage after the show to share a Mars bar. She brings Jonathan Winters out and he does various impressions: A slot machine, a rod and reel, Jimmy Cagney, Edward G. Robinson, Humphrey Bogart, and Walter Brennan. 

            The first skit is of a married couple played by Carol and Jonathan who watch 16 hours of television a day right up until sign-off. In those days TV stations didn’t broadcast all night. After it’s shut off he suggests that maybe they watch too much TV. She asks, “What are you? Some kind of subversive? They argue. Finally Carol asks, “Can’t we ever change?” He says, “I’d rather fight than switch!” which is a phrase from an old cigarette commercial. She says, “I’m leaving you!” She goes out the door but returns and says, “I came back” He says, “and I’m glad she did!” I think this is from a Camel cigarettes commercial. She runs to him and asks about his shaving lotion. He says it’s called “Hai Karate” She says, “Take it off, take it all off”. She gets very aggressive and he starts fighting her off with karate like in the old Hai Karate commercials. He knocks her dead or unconscious, then he holds up her wristwatch to show to the camera and says, “After a terrific beating, it’s still ticking”, like in the Timex commercials. 

            Dionne Warwick sings “Theme from Valley of the Dolls” by André and Dory Previn. Then accompanied by the dancers she sings “Children Go Where I Send Thee”. Then Carol and Dionne sing “T’morra’ T’morra’” from the musical Bloomer Girl by Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg. 

            Next is Carol’s biographical sketch. Chrissie comes home from a costume party wearing a space suit with a bubble helmet. Carol is wearing a new hairpiece and has to go to Roger’s niece’s wedding the next morning. She doesn’t want to mess up her hair in bed and so she plans to stay up all night. Roger wants to go to bed but makes the sacrifice to stay up with her. She starts dozing off and he has to keep waking her. He tries to prop her up with couch pillows so she can sleep while sitting but that doesn’t work. Finally he puts the space helmet on her and it looks like she’ll be able to sleep. So now she wants to take it off so she can get ready for bed and then put it back on. But it won’t come off. Roger goes to the kitchen to get a tool but while he’s there Carol gets it off. She walks toward the kitchen to tell Roger, when the kitchen door hits her and knocks her into a wall sending her hair into disarray. 

            Next is a short gangster sketch. The boss tells Willie he has to be rubbed out. He gives him the kiss of death. Willie says to the fourth wall, “He kissed me once but will he kiss me again?” like in the commercial for Smart Mouth Oral Rinse. 

            Next Carol sings “Come Rain or Come Shine” while it is at first raining on her. But then large amounts of water are thrown sat her from both sides. 

            Then there is the Wonderful World of hospitals. Walter Crankcase interviews Dr. Arnold Sparks, the head of the Richard Chamberlain Hospital (Richard Chamberlain played Dr. Kildare). They are working on a cure for Ben Gazarra. I guess that’s a reference to Run for Your Life, which starred Gazzara as someone with a terminal illness. 

            Next a surgeon and a nurse have just performed a successful operation. The doctor’s been working with Margaret for a long time and now confesses he loves her and wants to marry her. He’s fallen for her eyes but has never seen her without a surgical mask. They take off their masks and he takes one look at her and says, “Forget it!” 

            Crankcase interviews Maudie Frickert who has just given birth at the age of 83. She gave birth an hour ago and that’s when she found out she was pregnant. 

            The dancers do a sort of flamenco dance and the men are cracking whips while dancing. . Carol comes out dressed in a Spanish style costume and sings “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me”. A man with a whip starts hitting her clothes until she’s standing in her underwear and starts cracking up with laughter. 

            Dionne Warwick began singing in church at the age of 6. As a teenager she formed The Gospelaires with Dee Dee Warwick and Cissy Houston. They were in demand as backup singers during recording sessions while Dionne was still in high school. She recorded “Make it Easy On Yourself” in 1962 but then she found out they were going to release Jerry Butler’s version as the first single. She was pissed off and to appease her they offered to get Burt Bacharach and Hal David to write a song just for her. She responded by saying, “Don’t make me over!” Inspired by that phrase, Hal David wrote the lyrics for “Don’t Make Me Over” which became her first hit. She did a tour of France in 1962 and was called “The Black Pearl of Paris”. When she played the Olympia she was introduced by Marlene Dietrich. “Anyone Who Had a Heart” was her first top 10 hit. “Walk On By” made her a star. “Do You Know the Way to San Jose” was another international hit and she won a Grammy. She was the best selling female vocalist of 1964. In 1967 “I Say a Little Prayer” was her first gold record. I’ll Never Fall in Love Again made it to #6. She had her first TV special in 1969. She formed her own record company in 1970. In 1972 Bacharach and David split up and broke their contract with Warwick. She sued them and got $5 million plus the rights to all of her songs written by them. She’s had 18 top 20 hits, including 12 by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. She won 6 Grammy Awards. She hosted Solid Gold in the 1981 and 1985 seasons. She was part of the “We Are the World” collaboration. In 1985 she reunited with Bacharach to sing “That’s What Friends Are For”. She began her career as a mezzo soprano but after years of smoking became a contralto. She co-starred in Slaves, She did infomercials for the Psychic Friends Network in the 1990s.

March 25, 1996: My daughter and I went to the playground

Thirty years ago today

            Sunday was a nice day and so my daughter and I went to the playground.