I finished memorizing “Dessous mon pull” (Under My Sweater) by Serge Gainsbourg. Tomorrow I’ll start working out the chords.
I weighed 88.85 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Kramer electric during song practice and it stayed in tune about a third of the time.
I had to quit song practice two songs early because I needed to get ready to ride to get together with Brian Haddon at the Scotland Yard pub in the Esplanade. We were scheduled to meet at 13:00 and I was pretty much on time with Brian already there when I arrived. For some odd reason I got the idea that I was half an hour early and wondered why Brian was there.
We shared a pitcher of Creemore. I had the cheeseburger with fries and he had the fish and chips. The food was excellent but there were big screens on either side of us blasting a football game. We’ll probably get together again at the end of May perhaps at The Artful Dodger.
I stopped at No Frills at John and Richmond where I bought three bags of grapes and a box of Earl Grey tea.
I took a siesta from 17:00 until about 18:45.
I weighed 88.9 kilos at 19:45.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal but was still behind at suppertime.
I had a potato with gravy and the five left over little thin-sliced eye of round steaks while watching season 3, episode 17 of The Carol Burnett Show.
The first sketch was with The Old Folks Mollie and Burt played by Carol and Harvey. After tease-insulting each other for a while they start singing, “Cuddle Up a Little Closer” by Karl Hoschna and Otto Harbach from 1908.
Barbara Feldon does a song and dance with “If You’ve Got the Money I’ve Got the Time” by Lefty Frizell and Jim Beck from 1950. They do it with kind of a ragtime flavour rather than the original country and western style. But the instrumental break with all the dancing was to the tune of “Yakety Sax” by Spider Rich and Boots Randolph from 1963 (best recognized as Benny Hill’s theme music).
Joan Rivers does a stand-up routine. She says she flew Trans Jersey Airlines in a rainstorm to get from New York to LA. Everybody in tourist class got a rabbits foot and a cross but each person in first class got their own priest. Even the plane looked afraid because it had it’s wings folded over its nose. When she boarded the plane a man said, “If the lord wanted man to fly he’d have given him wings”, and that was the pilot. She says the flight attendants were beautiful but dumb. She says, “Dumb doesn’t matter when you’re beautiful, which is why I’m educated”. “I’m a Philosophy major but what good does Philosophy do me now? I can go to the butcher and prove the meat doesn’t exist?” “I studied Calculus and learned to figure out the length of a room but you don’t need Calculus when you’re housewife. It’s always seven inches longer than your vacuum cleaner cord”. “Housework is futile. You make the bed, you do the dishes but six months later you have to start all over again”. “If guests come over I just put down a drop cloth and tell them I’m painting”. “When it gets really filthy I call up my husband’s mother and ask her to show me one more time how he likes it”. “If you have kids that can crawl they can dust. You tie the diapers to their legs and throw a cookie across the room”.
Carol and Harvey play Stella and Harry, a poor couple in a run down apartment celebrating their 20th anniversary. He comes home from not looking for a job but forgets what day it is. She asks him to guess what happened 20 years ago and he lists the Korean war, almost getting drafted, getting double pneumonia. She says they got married and he says, “I knew it was something bad”. They decide to celebrate but have to get rid of the kids for the night. Their oldest son is a biker played by Lyle. He leaves. Now they have to get rid of the 11 year old. Dulcey is played by Vicki and looks a lot older than 11. Stella asks if there are any friends she can stay with tonight. Dulcey says, “Sure there’s Charlie, Tommy, Joey, Rocko, Mike, Al, Stanley…” Stella asks if she needs any money but Dulcey says she’s got a lot left over from her alimony cheque.
The next skit is the Miss Globe pageant hosted by Burt Sparks. Carol plays Miss USA, Barbara plays Miss India, Vicki plays Miss Holland, and Joan plays Miss China. The other contestants are played by members of the Ernie Flatt Dancers. Miss Holland wins Miss Warmth but gets a four month scholarship to a welding school. She reminds Burt that last night when she was a good sport he promised her a trophy. Burt has some men take her away. She tells him they’re going to take him away because she’s not 18 yet. The three finalists are Miss India, Miss China, and Miss USA. Burt asks them each a question. Miss USA is asked for the best way to aid the underdeveloped parts of the world and she answers the best way is exercise. She demonstrates a breast developing exercise. Miss India is asked what was her first impression of New York City. She says in a not bad Indian accent that New York is very similar to her own native city. Burt asks what city that is and she answers in a US accent “Chicago”. Burt asks, “Don’t you mean Calcutta?” She says, “No, you found me in the show Oh Calcutta, don’t you remember?” (Oh Calcutta was an R rated hit musical that started off Broadway in 1969. It was successful in London and New York but there were arrests in some smaller US cities). Miss China is asked where she thinks she will find the man of her dreams. She answers with a racist joke, “In yellow pages”. Then there’s the talent competition starting with Miss China demonstrating the ancient oriental art of stand-up comedy. She says, “Greetings ladies and Caucasians”. She has a gong hanging under her dress that she hits after telling a joke. She tells one joke and then says, “Last time I buy joke from Mao Tse Tung”. “Confucious say, many men smoke but Fu Manchu.” “That’s all the Chinese jokes for now but I be back in one hour when you hungry for more”. Miss India does a snake dance. She is basket on her left shoulder with a fake but realistic looking left arm and hand while her real left arm manipulates a snake puppet. Miss USA sings “Don’t Fence Me In” by Cole Porter but with extremely bad timing and out of tune. The first of the finalists to be eliminated is Miss China, who threatens to call Burt’s wife. The winner is Miss USA and Miss India begins strangling her.
The final bit has Carol’s character the Charwoman cleaning up at a nursery school. She sings a song that’s probably called “Where Did My Childhood Go?” but I can’t find it in a search.
Barbara Feldon studied acting at HB Studio in New York. In 1957 she won the grand prize in the $64,000 Question on the topic of Shakespeare. She caught the attention of TV producers after being featured seductively lounging on an animal skin type rug in a TV commercial for Top Brass hair pomade and calling the men who use it “Tigers”. She was cast as Agent 99 on Get Smart in 1965 and played the role for the show’s entire run until 1970. She received two Emmy nominations for her role. Her character’s real name was never given even after 99 married Maxwell Smart he still called her 99. She performed 5 times on The Dean Martin Show. She co-starred in Fitzwilly, and Smile. She wrote two books: Living Alone and Loving it and Getting Smarter: a Memoir.






















