March 29, 1996: It was a busy time of year for art modelling

Thirty years ago today 

            On Thursday I probably posed at a couple of schools. It was a busy time of year for work as an art model.

Ruth Buzzi

            On Friday morning I worked out the chords for the first three lines of the chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, which is over half the chorus of the adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. 

            I finished importing to Movie Maker all 251 images for my photo-video of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I started synchronizing the pictures of Zizi Jeanmaire with the rhythm of the instrumental intro. 

            I weighed 87.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the last of two sessions and it went out of tune during all but one song. Tomorrow I’ll begin a two session stretch of playing my electric guitars.

            Around midday I finished painting the first coat of “blue bliss” on the bathroom door. Tuesday and Wednesday I might finish the second coat for the door frame and door. Then I want to paint the bathroom rack the same colour and mount it on the wall. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before lunch. 

            I had two avocadoes mashed with chopped cucumber and plantain chips. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back and for the first time since my fast I was able to make it there and home without having to stop to pee. 

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 18:00. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:45. 

            I recorded side 2 of the cassette tape that I couldn’t digitize with a line-in. As I did with side 1 I was able to successfully record it by putting a mic against the speaker. I think I’ll try to re-digitize the tape I recorded before that one because it didn’t really come through very well. 

            I sautéed garlic, a chopped scallion, and some chopped ginger. I added mushrooms, frozen broad beans, and two cups of broth. I had a bowl and a half while watching season 1, episode 25 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up a man with a beard and mustache asks Carol if he can kiss her and she lets him. 

            The first sketch comes from Carol’s biography. A friend of Chrissie’s named Gretchen comes over to study but she is obsessed with Carol’s husband Roger and does nothing but gaze at him. He finally discourages her by exaggerating his age and pretending he has several age related health problems. 

            Jack Jones sings “I Can’t Get Started With You” by Vernon Duke and Ira Gershwin from Ziegfeld Follies 1936. and “Cause I Got So Much Lovin in Me” by Pearl Bender and Gloria Shayne (Shayne also wrote “Do You Hear What I Hear?”). 

            Harvey Korman interviews a drunk matador played by Tim Conway who is about to enter the arena. 

            Carol and Tim play two strangers stranded on a desert island. They find a bottle with a note and it’s addressed to her. 

            They do condensed versions of three bad movies: 

            Carol plays a Tarzan type wild woman who can only be tamed with a kiss. 

            Tim plays a gangster on the run trying to take shelter in the church of his priest brother. He says, “Mother Superior always liked you best”. 

            In a parody of an Italian film a man catches his woman with another man and he is so mortified that he goes home to his wife. 

            Carol sings “Nobody” by Bert Williams and Alex Rogers. 

            Carol and Jack sing a medley of cowboy type songs while the dancers do a western themed routine. The songs are “Wha Hoo” by Cliff Friend, “San Antonio Rose” by Bob Wills, “Bye Bye Love” by Felice and Boudleaux Bryant, and “I’m an Old Cowhand” by Johnny Mercer. 

            Gretchen was played by Ruth Buzzi, who started as a head cheerleader. Her first professional show business gig was touring with Rudy Vallee’s show. She enrolled in the Pasadena Playhouse for the performing Arts and graduated with Honours. She formed a comedy team with Dom DeLuis in which she played the assistant of an incompetent magician and they had several guest spots on popular variety shows. She made her TV debut on the Gary Moore Show in 1964. She was in the original Broadway production of Sweet Charity. She was a regular on the last season of the Entertainers. She was a regular on the Steve Allen Comedy Hour. She was a popular castmember of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In and was the only woman to appear in every episode. She won a Golden Globe and had five Emmy nominations. She played Margie Peterson on That Girl. She co-starred in the sitcom The Lost Saucer. She co-starred in the Canadian comedy series You Can’t Do That on Television and the spin-off Whatever Turns You On. She appeared 8 times on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. She played Ruthie on Sesame Street. She played Nurse Kravitz on the soap opera Passions. She co-starred in The Villain, Chu Chu and the Philly Flash, and The Being, She appeared 16 times on The Dean Martin Show. Her voice was in 16 episodes of Baggy Pants and the Nitwits. She was the voice of Mama Bear on the Berenstain Bears. She was the voice of Nose Marie on Pound Puppies. She was a ventriloquist. She was friends with Canadian singer Anne Murray.

March 28, 1996: I worked out a unique adaptation of Mr. Tambourine Man

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday Brian Haddon and I combined busking with rehearsing for our future gig at Fat Albert’s. I worked out my own unique version of Bob Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man”.

Harvey Korman

            On Thursday morning I worked out the chords for most of the fourth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, but that’s the second verse of the song adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. I don’t think Vian ever wrote or had anyone else write a melody for the song and so Fedrizzi’s tune is the only one I have to go on. Fedrizzi used less than half of the original lyrics and so I’ll have to fill in the blanks later. 

            I imported to my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project numbers 101 to 220 of the images I collected for my photo-video of that song. There are 31 left and I’ll upload those tomorrow. Then I’ll start synchronizing the pictures with the lyrics. I think all of the photos will probably need to have their duration on the video timeline shortened by at least half. 

            I weighed 87.2 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of two sessions and it went out of tune during almost every song except for one. 

            Around midday I went over to the hardware store and bought two kinds of bedbug spray: one the poison and the other the diatomaceous earth. I asked Mikey if they sell more of the stuff lately and he said he thinks more is sold in the spring. 

            I weighed 88.6 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon it was too rainy for a bike ride downtown and so I just rode to Freshco. The grapes were all too soft so I just bought bag of oranges instead. I also got two packs of raspberries, two bags of avocadoes, some bananas, a pack of mushrooms, a tub of cream cheese, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, a jar of marinara sauce, a jar of salsa, a pack of Irish Spring soap and a pack of Sponge Towels. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos at 17:35. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:25. 

            I tried again to digitize side 1 of the problematic cassette that would barely record at all with a direct line from the tape player to my audio interface. Yesterday I came close by recording it with a microphone against the speaker but the bass was overwhelming and the volume was too low. This time I turned the bass right down and the volume up to 0 and it worked. It starts with a live recording of my song “Megaphor” and the rest is a rehearsal of “Me and Gravity” and “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”. Tomorrow I’ll do side 2. 

            I created some folders for photos in my SSD and deleted several images from my hard drive. I steamed a broccoli crown and had half of it in a salad with cucumber, grape tomatoes, and avocadoes while watching season 1, episode 22 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up someone asks Carol if she’s double jointed and she demonstrates that she is. Nanette Fabray performs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in sign language. 

            There’s a parody of Valley of the Dolls. Carol and two other women are sitting on a bed. One of them says she’s going to call the drugstore and order an overdose of sleeping pills. Another says, “Get me a jar of Dippity Do. Carol says she’s tired of the lying and the cheating so she’s going to leave Hollywood and go back to the little town she came from. One asks, “Where are you from?” Carol says, “Peyton Place”. 

            There’s a parody of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. The son played by Harvey Korman brings home a mermaid played by Nanette Fabray. His parents Carol Burnett and Art Carney have to learn to accept her. 

            In the next sketch it’s the 1936 Academy Awards and Shirley Dimple (played by Carol) is brought out to present the award for Best Child Star but she resents not receiving it again herself. The winner is her arch-rival Janey Dithers (played by Nanette). Shirley and Janey are asked to recreate their famous number from Babes in Armenia. While they are acting out the friendship declared in the lyrics they are also making little attacks on each other until they end up in a big feather pillow fight. 

            Carol brings out Lyle Waggoner to ask about his acting background. He says he studied improvisation. Carol asks to do an improv with Lyle. She says, “Let’s pretend that we love each other a lot but haven’t seen each other in five years”. Carol steps in and Lyle says, “I’m so glad to see you mother!” 

            Vickie Lawrence does a song and dance number with Don Chrichton and the Earnie Flatt Dancers. The song is “Bend Me Shape Me” by Scott English and Larry Weiss. It was a hit by The American Breed in 1968. Some of the members went on to form Rufus. 

            In the next skit Carol plays an obsessively jealous wife who is married to a garbage collector played by Art Carney. She thinks that every woman wants her husband even though she’s the only woman who’s attracted to him. 

            The final song and dance number features Carol and Nanette. They play tough roller derby chicks singing “I Enjoy Being a Girl” by Rogers and Hammerstein from the musical Flower Drum Song. Three years before this, on the show The Entertainers, Carol sang the song while dressed as Morticia Addams. Art carney joins them with a song about Wild Women. In the end everybody has broken teeth. 

            Harvey Korman studied at the Goodman School of Drama. His TV debut was on The Donna Reed Show in 1959. His film debut was in Carving Magic in 1959. His first big break was as a co-star on The Danny Kaye Show. He was the voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones. He won four Emmy Awards and a Golden Globe for his work on The Carol Burnett Show. He had his own sitcom The Harvey Korman Show briefly in 1977 and starred in the also short lived Leo and Liz in Beverly Hills in the 80s. He co-starred in High Anxiety, Herbie Goes Bananas, Don’t Just Stand There, Americathon, and First Family.

March 27, 1996: I hosted my open stage as always on Tuesdays

Thirty years ago today 

            On Tuesday evening as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel.

Betty Grable

            On Wednesday morning I worked out the chords for the first verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I created a Movie Maker project for “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I imported the song and placed the music on the audio timeline. I imported the first 100 images I’d gathered for the video and placed them in order in the video timeline. Tomorrow I might have them all uploaded or at least the second 100. 

            I weighed 87.3 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric for the last of two sessions and it only went out of tune once.

            Around midday I did my taxes. 

            I weighed 88.35 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco. But all the grapes were too soft and so I walked over to Metro where I bought three bags of green grapes and some soy based vanilla ice cream.

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 18.55. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:06. 

            I tried again to digitally record the cassette tape that has been so difficult over the last three weeks. The opening track of my band playing “Megaphor” live has always been the main track that has failed and just come through as noise when I tried to run the sound directly into my audio interface. This time I put a microphone to the speaker and plugged that into the audio interface. This time it recorded although the volume was low and the bass was too dominant. I’ll try it again tomorrow with the bass turned down and the volume higher. 

            I steamed a bunch of asparagus tips and had them in a salad with cucumber, tomato, avocado and pomegranate zaatar dressing while watching season 1, episode 21 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            The VIP interview is with Queen Elizabeth as played by Carol. The interviewer is Harvey Korman who tells her he likes her crown. She says, “I got it this morning eating margarine”. That’s a reference to the old Imperial Margarine commercials in which a crown appears on the heads of people who eat it. 

            Betty Grable does a song and dance number to “Hello Dolly” by Jerry Herman. 

            The next skit depicts the final episode of a soap opera called As the Stomach Turns. Marian and Victoria are having tea when Victoria asks Marian about her son who went away fifteen years ago. Marian reveals to Victoria that he’s really her son. Victoria insists that she’s never had a baby but Marian assures her she did and informs her that she’s had amnesia for many years. Victoria now remembers. Bob Baxter the boy next door arrives as he got out of jail five minutes ago when it was found that he didn’t really murder Natalie Carter because she recently confessed that she lied at his trial. Bob tells her he’s getting married and brings his fiancé in, played by Martha Raye. Marian recognizes her as the conniving chorus girl Connie Canoga. They are getting married only three days after her wealthy husband died. Bob confesses that he is Marian’s missing son, who is really Victoria’s son. Victoria and Bob embrace and Victoria remembers that Connie pushed her into the Canoga Falls and that’s how she got amnesia. Victoria says, “You tried to kill me! Why? Why? Why?” Connie tells her, “Just one question at a time!” She tried to kill her because her husband fell in love with her just because she was a little prettier. Victoria comforts her, “That’s not true dear. I was a lot prettier”. Marian finds out that her son who only had six months to live is improving and they now give him seven months to live.” Marian reveals that her poor dead husband isn’t dead. He’s been in the basement for the last 15 years writing a song that will make them rich. Her elderly husband staggers downstairs and announces he finished the song. He is about to sing it when he has a heart attack and dies. 

            They have the Most Beautiful Legs Contest with five contestants sticking only their crossed legs out from behind curtain. The winner is decided by applause. Clearly the ones on the left are the best but it’s the ones on the right that win and they are Harvey Korman’s legs. The ones on the left are Betty Grable’s, who had the most famous legs in Hollywood. 

            Next Carol and Martha play two working class housewives sitting on a stoop. They sing “Flings” by Bob Merrill from the musical New Girl in Town. 

            In Carol’s biographical sketch, Carol, Roger, and Vickie’s 90 some years old Aunt Molly and Uncle Burt come to visit. 

            The final number is by Carol, Betty, and Martha. They sing the 1923 song “That Old Gang of Mine” by Billy Rose, Mort Dixon, and Ray Henderson. It was originally introduced in the Ziegfeld Follies. 

            Betty Grable was enrolled in dance school at the age of three and learned tap and ballet. She attended the Hollywood Professional School. Her mother lied about her age and got her a job as a chorus girl when she was only 13. She also entered her into multiple beauty contests. She attracted Hollywood’s attention while performing in Du Barry Was a Lady on Broadway. She made her film debut in Happy Days. She sang for the Ted Fio Rito orchestra even though she was not a great vocalist. She married Jackie Coogan in 1939 but divorced Uncle Fester shortly after. She co-starred in Down Argentine Way, Probation, This Way Please, College Swing, How to Marry a Millionaire, Tin Pan Alley, Footlight Serenade, A Yank in the RAF, and Mother Wore Tights. She starred in Coney Island, Sweet Rosie O’Grady, Springtime in the Rockies, The Dollie Sisters, I Wake Up Screaming, Million Dollar Legs, Pin-Up Girl, Billy Rose’s Diamond Horseshoe, The Shocking Miss Pilgrim, That Lady in Ermine, When My Baby Smiles at Me, The Beautiful Blond from Bashful Bend, Wabash Avenue, My Blue Heaven, Call Me Mister, Meet Me After the Show, The Farmer Takes a Wife, Three For the Show, and How to be Very Very Popular. During WWII she became the most popular pin-up girl among US soldiers. In 1946 and 1947 she was the highest paid actress in Hollywood. She was making $300,000 a year which would be $5.4 million now. 20th Century Fox had her legs insured for $1 million. She said she was strictly a song and dance girl and could only act well enough to get by.

March 26, 1996: I worked somewhere

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday I probably posed for an art class or drawing or painting group somewhere.