Thirty years ago today
On Tuesday night as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage. Afterwards we might have gone for coffee at the Country Style donut shop across the street.
Thursday, 16 July 2026
Wednesday, 15 July 2026
On Broadway
I worked out the chords to all but the final line of the chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. I should have the chorus done on Tuesday and that will likely complete the chord pattern for the song.
I memorized the first verse of “Je t’aime. Moi aussi” (I Love You. So Do I). I transcribed the chords for the first verse of “Je t’aime. Moi non plus” (I Love You. Neither Do I) and placed them on the first verse of the parody. There are only one and a half verses left to learn.
I weighed 89.95 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since June 30.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it went out of tune more than half the time.
At 13:00 I left for the UofT School of Dentistry for my quarterly cleaning. My hygienist Villy is obviously Eastern European but I never knew from where. She mentioned this time that she’s from Bulgaria because she thinks the health care is better there. From what I’ve read there are only faster wait times in Bulgaria if you pay. She also said that Bulgarians eat more vegetables than Canadians. She might be right about that. She told me that my new student periodontist is Dr. Lambert and she says I’ll like him. I was worried because I’d gotten used to Dr. Xia but then he graduated and someone new is taking over my implant. I had to pay $215 for the cleaning. My next appointment is November 16 and then it will be covered by the federal plan.
I weighed 89.75 kilos at 15:45.
I took a siesta at 16:20 and didn’t wake up until 18:20.
I weighed 90.75 kilos at 19:05. June 29 was the last evening when I was so hard on the scale.
I was a day behind on my journal and worked on getting caught up but I was still behind at suppertime.
It was too hot to use the stove so I just had a cold chicken leg with salsa and skyr and a glass of Winter Beard stout. My daughter bought it for me for my birthday. It has coffee in it and the foam tastes interesting but I’m not a stout person. I ate while watching season 10, episode 16 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone asks Carol how to overcome stage fright. She says to imagine the audience as vulnerable in some way such as sitting on the toilet.
Someone asks Carol how she keeps her nice shape. She says she keeps it because no one else wants it.
Someone with a southern US accent asks Carol where the hell she ever got the idea for the Mama’s Family skit because she has some relatives that are deeply offended. Carol says Eunice is going to go on the Gong Show in a couple of weeks. She did and I guess it was part of her show and of the Gong Show. She sang “Feelings” and got gonged.
Someone says he thinks Carol was a lot heavier when she was on The Garry Moore Show. She tells him he must have a fat television because she was actually a lot skinnier then.
Carol says she’ll be doing the play Same Time Next Year with Dick Van Dyke in a few months.
Carol and Tim play a married couple in separate beds. The phone rings and Tim answers it. He says “Hello?”, waits a moment and then hangs up. Carol asks who was it. He says he doesn’t know because they hung up. She asks why they hung up and he says they probably had the wrong number. She asks if it’s a signal. “Is what a signal?” Your friend that called.” “He’s not my friend.” “How do you know it’s a he?” “I don’t.” “Then why did you say he?” “It’s a figure of speech.” “Is that part of your plan?” “What plan?” “To confuse me.” “How would I confuse you?” “You just said it was a he when it’s really a she.” “She who?” “Don’t ask me. She’s your friend.” “There’s no she. It’s just a wrong number.” “Is she pretty?” “Who?” “Your girlfriend!” He gets up and closes the window then gets back into bed and says, “It’s just a wrong number!” “Was that a signal?” “What?” “Closing the window?” “I closed the window because I was cold!” “Why didn’t you close it before you got the phone signal?” “I wasn’t cold before I got the signal!” “So it is a signal!” He turns on the lamp and says, “There’s no signal!”, then turns it off. “Are you sure she saw that?” “What?” “The light going on and off.” “Did who see that?” “You tell me, she’s your friend!” “Martha, go to sleep! It’s 2:30!” How did you know it was 2:30?” “Because that’s what the clock says!” “Or is it because she said she was gonna call at 2:30?” “Who?” “The girl that’s waiting outside for your signals!” “Why in your wildest imagination would I mess around with another woman? You know I love you!” Martha apologizes and admits she’s jealous. He reaffirms that he loves her and says he has to get up early. When he sees she’s asleep he gets out of bed and takes off his pajamas to show he’s dressed. He heads for the door and then we hear a shotgun being cocked. Martha says, “You open that door and I’ll blow you in half!” He waves his arms at the window and then goes back to bed.
Carol is sitting alone on her couch looking bored. She turns on the radio and someone sings “Saturday night is the loneliest night of the week” then she switches it off. She can hear a party going on in the apartment next door. She calls up her neighbour and asks to borrow some ice and then says she’ll be right over. She goes to her bedroom and a second later comes out all dressed for a party. She is on her way with an empty ice tray when her doorbell rings and it’s her neighbour with some ice, saying he thought he’d save her the trip and gives her a bag of ice. She calls her neighbour again, this time pretending to be the operator and tells him his neighbour’s phone is out of order but there’s an emergency and she has to call her mother. She asks if she can come in and use his phone. Soon he knocks to give her the message and invites her to come over to use his phone. But suddenly her phone rings and he hears it’s no longer out of order so he goes back to his party. Someone rings her doorbell and it’s a party invitee who got the wrong door. Carol says she was invited to the party but her date canceled and she didn’t want to go alone but suggests she could go as his escort. He surprises her by stepping into her apartment and says he was just going to the party to pick someone up but since he’s met her he doesn’t have to. He grabs her and tries to make out but she punches him so hard that he lands in the hall bumping his head against her neighbour’s door. Her neighbour opens the door and welcomes him. Then Carol’s husband (played by Tim) comes out and asks her if she’s coming to bed. She turns on the TV and it’s the end of The Carol Burnett Show. When she hears Carol sing, “I’m so glad we had this time together” she smashes the screen.
The Ernie Flatt dancers do a ballet, the video of which sometimes slowed down, to “Nadia’s Theme” by Barry DeVorzon and Perry Botkin. It’s the theme music for the soap opera The Young and the Restless.
Carol comes out in a black gown followed by Harvey and Tim in coats and tails. They bow and then Carol sits at the piano while Harvey sits in a chair with a recorder and Tim sits behind a harp. Vicki comes out and stands in front of them in a black gown. They begin to play cacophonously while Vicki sings some non-melodic parody of opera. Then they all bow.
In the next skit Vicki answers the door and is greeted by a vacuum cleaner salesman played by Tim. She lets him come in to demonstrate the machine. As he begins his spiel he starts crying. He suddenly says, “You’re not gonna buy it!” and starts to pack up. Vicki says she wants to see the rest of the demonstration. He says she just wants him to clean her house for her but that she won’t buy one. She tells him to sit down while she tries the vacuum cleaner out on her own. He asks if it’s going to take long. She tries it and it seems to be working great. She asks how much it is. He says he doesn’t know and throws the brochure at her for her to look it up. She sees it’s $89.50 and gives him $90. He tries to hand it back because he doesn’t have any change. She says he can keep it. He says, “Big spender!” and heads for the door. She asks for a receipt but he says “So you can come after me if it breaks down? Not on your life!” She says, “Well I’m sorry!” and he says, “You should be!” and leaves.
The do a parody of the 1953 movie “Torch Song”, with Carol playing Joan Crawford playing Jenny Driver. She’s a Broadway star and a diva. She has one pose she’s famous for where one leg goes out to the side. She rehearses with a male dancer and warns him that if he’s not perfect he will never work again. The men dance while she poses. Meanwhile Harvey’s extremely nearsighted character Ty Crackerbee wanders into the studio. Jenny fires her dance partner and the piano player. Ty stumbles to the piano and begins to play her theme song “Torchy Lady”. She criticizes the tempo but he insists it’s better. He says just as her song says she needs a man because she’s a woman that’s what she really needs. And if a woman doesn’t have a man she’s driven to careers and fame and fortune but she’s never happy with those things because they’re masculine and if she accepts them she loses her femininity. He walks away and she goes to her dressing room where her maid (played by Vicki) is in distress. Her husband is in the hospital and they can’t pay the bill because their children are starving. Jenny says she wishes she had problems that small and relates how her house is so big it takes days to find a bathroom. Jenny looks in her scrapbook full of thousands of rave reviews and reads one that refers to her as a radiant woodnymph. Then she remembers that Ty called her that minutes ago. Now she sees that the review of her first show was written by Ty Crackerbee. She realizes he’s loved her all these years and goes after him. He hasn’t gone far because he’s still bumping into walls trying to find the exit. He asks how she can love a man who can’t read the phone book? She says she’s read it and it’s dull. She says she’ll give up the tinsel to become his woman. They sing a song called “Goodbye Broadway”. She lists all the things she’s giving up and he lists all the things she’ll be saying hello to like washing dishes and other housework. But when he starts talking about maternity clothes and diapers she drops out of the duet. Then she trips him and kicks his thick glasses away, singing “so long four eyes and hello Broadway”.
Theatres were the main gathering places in most towns and cities of the US in its early years. The first New York theatre in the Broadway neighbourhood was the 2000 seat Park Theatre in 1798. In 1829 Niblo’s Garden opened on Broadway and became a major night spot with both plays and concerts. The Astor Opera House opened in 1847. The lower class audiences did not mix well with the upper class attendees and riots sometimes broke out. British actors dominated New York theatre and the first US star was Edwin Forrest. The greatest British actor of his generation was William Charles Macready. Both actors had a viciously loyal fan base. Forrest’s fans tended to be working class and anti-British. On May 7, 1849 hundreds of Forrest supporters attended a Macready performance of MacBeth at the Astor and pelted him with rotten eggs. On May 10 an even bigger riot took place and 21 to 32 people were killed mostly by the police. After the riot, theatre in New York became divided along class lines: opera for the upper classes, minstrel shows for the middle class, and variety shows for the working class. The working class variety shows evolved into vaudeville. The world’s first vaudeville theatre opened on Broadway in 1881.
July 15, 1996: I didn't want to give my landlady the satisfaction of knowing I was moving
On Monday I was still in the process of moving to my new place. I kept it a secret from my landlady Helga at 111 Sheridan because I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I was complying with my court ordered eviction and wanted her to believe that I was appealing the decision. I went to the old place to pick up a tabletop and a dresser mirror and took them to 428 Queen West.
Tuesday, 14 July 2026
Dick Van Dyke
I worked out the chords for half of the chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. I think that most of the rest of the chorus, except for the last line is the same as the beginning.
I published “Ça” (That), the parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)” on my Christian’s Translations blog and posted the text of my translation on Facebook.
I started working on the other parody of “Je t’aime. Moi non plus”. This one is “Je t’aime. Moi aussi” (I Love You. So Do I). Musically it’s the same as the original and so I won’t have to work out the chords. In this case the main speaker rather than being with the person with the orgasmic voice and holding back from his own orgasm, is not with her at all and perhaps masturbating while thinking of her.
I’ll start memorizing it tomorrow.
I weighed 89.6 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Martin during song practice for the last of two sessions and it needs a set-up because it’s always going out of tune.
I finished painting my future bathroom mirror frame. But later I removed the paper that I’d taped on the glass to keep the paint off and discovered that part of the inside of the frame is visible in the reflection. So that evening I figured out how to remove the metal wedges that were holding the mirror in and then took out the mirror. On Tuesday I’ll sand a bit of the unpainted area and then add the blue of the frame to the reflected part.
I weighed 90.95 kilos before lunch. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 90.3 kilos at 18:00, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since June 29.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal as I was still behind.
I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with rosée tomato sauce, tomato pesto, oven fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with my last can of Creemore lager while watching season 10, episode 13 of The Carol Burnett Show.
Someone asks Carol who her favourite guest stars are. She says Dick Van Dyke, Maggie Smith, Joanne Woodward, Beverly Sills, Alan Alda, and Julie Andrews.
Williams (played by Harvey) and Mamie (played by Vicki) are brought into a room in a police station to be interrogated by Tim. As usual his character is comically clumsy. He assures them that no harm ever comes to the innocent and then gets hit in the leg and the head by sliding filing cabinet drawers. He puts Harvey and Vicki in separate rooms then starts with Harvey. He asks him where he was between 15:00 and 15:30 on Wednesday. Williams says he was with Mamie in a cinema watching The Shootist. Tim says not to tell him about it because he’s taking his wife on Saturday. Tim says he’s like his gun, small and powerful. Then he says, “You crooks are like this case of shotguns, big, powerful and a lot of you, but empty”. Then he hits the case and all the shotguns go off. Tim faints and Williams and Mamie escape.
Carol and Dick Van Dyke are wearing all white on a white set. They sing a song that was probably written just for this skit. They sing that love is a garden filled with many hues. Dick rolls out a shelf of paints and brushes. Carol sings, “Theis is the heart that thought he would always be true/ Colour it blue”. Then Dick paints a blue heart on her dress. Then she sings to colour her lips brown and he does. She sings to colour her arms empty so he writes “M” on one of her arms and “T” on the other. She sings to colour her ears green and he does. Then according to the lyrics he colours her gown red, her brow puce, her body black and blue, then dumps a whole can of white on her hair. Finally she sings “Colour him gone”, then she punches him and knocks him out.
Carol (as Bessie) and Dick (as Pete) are two wallflowers at either side of a dance floor filled with dancing couples. They clear the floor to go for refreshments and then Pete notices Bessie and she sees him noticing her. He nervously makes his way over to her and after opening his mouth a few times finally says “Hi”. He confesses to being shy, not a movie star, and boring. She doesn’t respond so he starts to walk away but she tells him to wait. She tells him the girls who rejected him might have looked at him without seeing and understanding him. She confesses that boys find her boring as well. They sit down on a bench. He starts to tell her about a daydream he keeps having but she interrupts to tell him about hers. But t0o introduce her daydream she feels the need to tell him about her life from childhood. She says a new world opened up for her when her aunt gave her a book of fairy tales. He interrupts to tell her about when he read Arabian Nights but she says, “I’m not finished” and he shuts up to let her continue. The fairy tale book influenced her daydream that she would grow up to be a princess. She says, “You’ll probably laugh” and he starts laughing, to her dismay. Then he returns to his story about being caught reading The Arabian Nights. Then she interrupts and returns to her dream of a handsome prince carrying her away. he cuts in that one shouldn’t have such high expectations. She says ordinary people are the backbone of this nation and what really counts is sincerity. He tells her how outspokenly honest he is. She says she’s the same. he tells her how he asked at a diner for over easy eggs but got sunny side up and he wasn’t afraid to speak up about it. She interrupts to say waiters don’t listen. He interrupts to say the waiter at Cecil’s listens. He starts talking about where Cecil’s is in relation to where he lives and that he likes their margarine better than Als. Then he trails off, getting as bored with himself as Bessie is. They both yawn and she says it’s getting late. She lies that it was nice talking to him as they walk away in opposite directions.
They do a parody of a Shirley Temple movie that begins in an orphanage. Carol plays Shirley playing Honey Bunny. She leads them before bedtime in a production number with taps on her pajama feet. She sings a song about chasing the grumpies away. Honey tap dances on the bed. At the end of her song Honey’s old and scowling Uncle Meanie (played by Harvey) walks in and says he’s going to adopt her. But seconds later her happy go lucky Uncle Miney (played by Dick) taps his way in the room to say he wants to adopt her. Honey can’t decide until Meanie points out that he’s a millionaire while Miney is penniless, so she goes with Meanie. Her friends say goodbye and she sings about how sad she is that she deserves adoption more than they do. Honey leaves and her friends are crying but Uncle Miney consoles them with a song about noy crying like a little kid until he begins to sob uncontrollably. Three months later Miney is with his girlfriend Trixie (played by Vicki) and he says he’s still upset but she suggests they rehearse their number for the show. He plays piano while she sings, “One look at you and what do I do? I tap dance” and then she taps. Then he joins in and it’s a song about only being able to speak about love by tapping because one’s tongue is in one’s toes. Suddenly Honey knocks on their door saying Meaney wasn’t nice and asks if she can live with her Uncle Miney and her Aunt Trixie. Trixie points out that they aren’t married and Honey calls her naughty. Miney tells Honey it’s time for bed so she says her prayers. She says, “God bless Uncle Miney and Aunt Trixie his very special friend if you know what I mean”. Then she asks god to have Uncle Meaney get hit by a truck. Miney tells Trixie that he thinks they could finish their show by doing “Swanee River” as a rumba. Honey says she’s worked out a number they can do. Honey sings “Yum yum tummy tum tum peppermint sticks and bubble gum Yum yum tummy tum tum you’re my lollipop and my lollimom... I’d gobble you up you know what I’d do? I’d throw up all over you”. A Broadway producer suddenly knocks on their door and says he’s been watching through the window and they’re sensational si he’s going to back their show. But then Meaney arrives with a cop and takes her away. There follows a custody battle and Honey shows up in court to handle her own case. She sits on Meanie’s lap and sings him the song she opened with, then blows a raspberry in his face. She presents Miney and Trixie as evidence. They come in dressed for a show and do their tap dance song. Then Honey stops them and says tapping is passé. She says to give them jazz and swing and sings about “Truckin down old Broadway”. Then Miney sings about her being Little Miss Showbiz and suddenly the courtroom becomes a stage and all the jury are dancers and the judge is dancing too. Suddenly Meaney arrives and says he’s no longer a grouchie wowchie and gives them a cheque of half a million dollars to put on their show. Honey says she wants her own dressing room and pointing to Trixie says, “Get rid of her”.
Dick Van Dyke worked as a DJ at the age of 16. He was rejected three times by the army air corps during WWII because he was underweight. When he was finally accepted he served as a radio announcer without leaving the States. He married his first wife Margie in 1948 on the radio show Bride and Groom, which paid for the ring, the wedding, the appliances, and the honeymoon. But after the wedding they had to live in their car for a while. His comedy hero was Stan Laurel who he looked up in the phone book and called as a fan. Stan invited him to his home and they were good friends from then on. He didn’t start dancing until he was 34 and he was self taught. He has always considered himself to be a song and dance man rather than an actor. He had a lip syncing nightclub act from the late 1940s to 1954 with Phil Erickson called The Merry Mutes. He made bhis TV debut on Chance of a Lifetime in 1954. He made his Broadway debut in the 1959 show The Girls Against the Boys. He became a star after his Tony winning performance in the 1960 musical Bye Bye Birdie and the 1963 film adaptation. He co-starred in Mary Poppins (the soundtrack for which he won a Grammy Award), What a Way to Go, He starred in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, The Comic, Lt. Robin Crusoe, Fitzwilly, The Art of Love, Some Kind of a Nut, Never a Dull Moment, Divorce American Style, Cold Turkey, Night At the Museum, Mary Poppins Returns, On TV he starred on The Dick Van Dyke Show from 1961 to 1966, The New Dick Van Dyke Show from 1971 to 1974 (based on the British sitcom Head of the Family, and for which he won 3 Emmy Awards), and Diagnosis Murder from 1993 to 2001. He won an Emmy at the age of 98 for his performance on Days of Our Lives. His album Songs I Like in 1963 was in the top 40 for several weeks. He formed an acapella quartet called Dick Van Dyke and the Vantastix in 2000. He wrote Faith Hope and Hilarity and Those Funny Kids. He earned his high school diploma at the age of 78.
July 14, 1996: My daughter and I played on the back roof of my new place
On Sunday my daughter and I played on the back second floor roof of my new place. Nancy picked her up later on and I went back to the old place to get another piece of furniture.
Monday, 13 July 2026
July 13, 1996: My daughter spent the weekend at my new place
On Saturday I brought my daughter True to my new place at 428 Queen Street West and she met Marjorie and Andrew. She was okay with spending the weekend there.
Sunday, 12 July 2026
Florenz Ziegfeld
On Saturday morning there were slightly fewer bedbugs, I guess because I didn’t steam the baseboards last night and so they weren’t forced out of hiding.
I worked out the chords for the first two lines of the chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. There are still four lines to go.
I uploaded “Ça” (That), the parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)” to my Christian’s Translations blog and began preparing it for publication. I should have that done tomorrow.
I weighed 89.5 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Martin during song practice for the first of two sessions and as usual it was always out of tune.
Around midday I rode down to No Frills where I bought 7 bags of cherries, a pack of Canadian strawberries, some bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a strawberry rhubarb pie, dental floss, peppercorns, a jug of lemonade, a jug of orange juice, and a bag of frozen potato wedges. I did a price match on the cherries to Freshco’s price but Freshco changed the price on the flyer. Five minutes earlier I looked at the flyer and it said $4.34 a kilo but when I showed the cashier it read as $5.49 a kilo. That was still cheaper than No Frills but I’d never seen it change like that before.
I weighed 89.7 kilos at 14:35. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.
I took a siesta at 15:06 and slept until 16:47. By the time I’d brushed my teeth it was too late for a bike ride.
I weighed 89.8 kilos at 17:20.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal.
I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with rosée tomato sauce, tomato pesto, wedge fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 10, episode 12 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone says she comes to Hollywood on vacation to see the stars but wants to know where Carol goes. Carol says she does the same thing but she was raised a block away from Hollywood Boulevard and one never sees the stars there. Someone comments that you see them at the unemployment office.
A man asks what Carol does with all her old clothes and she asks if he’s asking for himself. He nods. She says she repeats a lot of clothes but with slight changes like for instance a different jacket. He says he’ll take it second hand. She says, “You don’t look like the type”.
Someone asks Carol if she has a middle name. She says it’s her mother’s maiden name: Creighton.
Someone asks how one becomes one of Burnett’s Bums. She says, “You’ve seen the jacket? You have to be in the crew… or a few other things.” Apparently in 1978 they gave special jackets for the crew with Burnett’s Bums written on the back.
The first sketch is a Mama’s family story. Mama’s sister May has died and Mama, Eunice, and Ed are in the attic going through her stuff. Ed wants to get to the bowling alley before they run out of his shoe size. Mama finds a family picture showing everyone including Eunice and her sister Ellen. Mama comments on how cute Ellen was and Eunice is jealous. Ellen calls from downstairs but Eunice was not informed she was coming. Mama urges Eunice to try to get along with her sister. Ellen arrives (played again by Betty White). She asks Ed how the plumbing business is going. He reminds her he’s in hardware but she says whenever she sees him she always thinks of septic tanks. Eunice finds a picture she drew of her pet rabbit Fluffy and she reminisces about how much she loved it. Mama tells her she didn’t take care of him, his cage was a disgrace and one could smell it all over the neighbourhood. Eunice recounts how she came home from school one day and Fluffy was gone. Ellen finds an old Andrews Sisters record and Eunice reminisces about how they used to pretend to be the Andrews Sisters singing the 1938 song “Hold Tight (Want Some Seafood Mama?)” by Leonard Ware and Sidney Bechet. Mama finds a lamp and passes it to Eunice. Then Ellen grabs it because she recognizes it as a Tiffany lamp. Mama says she can have it but now Eunice is upset. Ellen says to let Mama decide. Mama says she gave it to Ellen and that’s the way May would have wanted it. Mama hands Eunice a crappy desk lamp and says, “Now you’re even”. Ed says he can fix it and there are a few other things like a scale and a fan that he can fix and sell at his hardware store. Mama says if he does they can split the profits. Ed doesn’t like that deal. Eunice says Ed couldn’t get 25 cents for them in his store and can barely sell the new stuff he has. Ellen finds a box of china she decides to take as well for her bridge club parties. Eunice tells her, “You’ve got a closet full of china while I don’t have one dish without a crack”. Ellen asks Eunice who she entertains in the cracker box she lives in. Eunice says, “Lay off our house! We know we live in a dump!” Ellen tells Eunice that the day her rabbit disappeared it wasn’t fried chicken they had for supper. Ed threatens to punch Ellen while Eunice shouts “Murderer!” at Mama. Ellen says she has to leave but Eunice grabs the Tiffany lamp from her and smashes it. Then she deliberately sits on the china and breaks the set. Ellen tells Eunice they’re gonna put her away one day and she’ll be more than happy to sign the papers. Ellen leaves and Eunice is now determined to go through everything with a fine toothed comb to find something to keep. When Mama protests, Eunice says, “Shut up rabbit killer!”
The second sketch location is a class of 1932 reunion at Waxahatchie University. The long table is set with name cards and the dining room is empty until Carol arrives as an elderly woman with bad eyesight. She finds her place at one end of the table and sits down. Another elderly woman (played by Betty) walks in and recognizes Carol as Leticia. Leticia recognizes the voice and it’s Fanny. Fanny’s seat is at the opposite end and she is hard of hearing. When they realize they are the only ones who showed up they decide to sit together. They take off their coats to show they are wearing their cheerleaders uniforms. They’ve also brought their pom-poms and they so a cheer. They sing the 1975 song “Ready to Begin Again (Manya’s Song) by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller.
Carol and Tim are sitting at a bar but are not together. She asks for his help because she found out that she has a counterfeit $20 and doesn’t know what to do. He says she could turn it into the police but they won’t give her another $20 in exchange and so she’ll lose $20. He advises her to just pass it on to someone else. He orders another drink for Carol and gives the bartender (played by Harvey) the $20. But before he can make change a cop comes in and sits at the bar. Tim quickly takes the $20 back from Harvey and pays for Carol’s drink with change. He tells Carol to take the $20 but she says she doesn’t want it. The cop asks what’s going on and Tim says he was trying to give the lady $20. The cop misunderstands and says we have laws against that and so he’ll have to arrest her. Tim says he was giving her the $20 because he owed it to her. Carol says she gave him the $20 to get four $5s. The cop asks Tim if that’s true and he’s on the spot so he gives Carol the four $5s. The cop leaves and Tim asks for his $5s back but she says no. She reminds him that he told her to pass the fake $20 on to somebody. While they are arguing Harvey comes and asks what’s wrong. Tim says she gave him a $20 for four $5s. Harvey asks what’s wrong with the $20. He recognizes the $20 that Tim at first gave him and picks it up. He sees that it’s counterfeit and asks to see the four $5s he gave Carol. She shows them to Harvey and he says they’re phony as well. Tim gives him another $37 to square things and Harvey tells him to get out. He leaves and then we see that Harvey and Carol and the cop are partners and they’ve been pulling this scam all day long. They all sit down to count their take.
Carol says that every year from 1907 through 1931 Florenz Ziegfeld produced a new Ziegfeld Follies featuring stars like The Dolly Sisters, Fanny Brice, Will Rogers, W.C. Fields, and the Ziegfeld Girls. Tonight they do several sketches based on the Ziegfeld Follies.
Harvey plays the master of ceremonies in a white top hat with tails. He sings “One beautiful lady is like one beautiful tune” and as another lady descends the staircase he sings “Two beautiful ladies are like two beautiful tunes” and as each lady arrives the count increases until he sings, “If you’ve seen one beautiful lady you’ve seen them all”.
Betty plays a French singer in a corset and feathers named Zizi (probably after Zizi Jeanmaire). She sings in a French accent about how other women are fake but not Zizi. She says everything about Zizi belongs to her but her heart belongs to you.
Tim plays a well dressed but dishevelled drunk staggering on the street until he sees a mailbox and tries to mail a letter. He fumbles with it as only he can and finally puts the envelope in the mailbox but then realizes he forgot to add the stamp. he takes off his shoe and sticks it in the mailbox and since there’s gum on the sole he is able to catch the envelope and retrieve it. Then he puts on the stamp and returns it to the mailbox but knocks the bottom out of the mailbox and all the letters fall out. However he doesn’t notice as he staggers away.
Vicki does a Fanny Brice imitation in a bird costume. She sings about being a swallow and does a deliberately bad tap dance. In the end she lays a big egg.
Carol is the feature singer and sings, about taking a ride on the Moon while she’s being swung above the stage on a crescent moon and hanging on for dear life. But she falls off and when all the singers turn to show her on the moon she’s on the floor.
Florenz Ziegfeld managed bodybuilder Eugen Sandow as The Great Sandow at the World’s Columbian Exposition in Chicago in 1893. In 1896 he turned to theatrical management and made a star out of French singer Anna Held by promoting her in North America and featuring her in Broadway shows such as A Parisian Model. . He started the Ziegfeld Follies n New York in 1907, modelling them after Les Folies Bergere in Paris but made them less risqué. His spectaculars were a theatrical hit every year for 23 years until they were ended by the Great Depression. Through his Follies he made starts out of Will Rogers, Bert Williams, Fanny Brice, Ray Bolger, W.C. Fields and Eddy Cantor. He also produced several successful Broadway shows such as Sally and his greatest artistic achievement, Show Boat. His Ziegfeld girls were required to show a certain look and poise before they even were allowed to audition for his shows. His goal was to glorify the American girl. They performed in elaborate but revealing costumes and moved together on stage in synchronicity as one glamourous machine. The danced to the music of the top composers of the day such as George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, and Jerome Kern. For his shows he built the 1600 seat Ziegfeld Theatre in New York. It opened in 1927 with the show Rio Rita, which ran for 500 performances. Show Boat ran for 572 performances and featured the songs “Old Man River” and “Can’t Help Lovin That Man”. He co-produced the film adaptation of his show Whoopee in 1930.
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