August 12, 1996: Brian and I rehearsed for our Wednesday show

Thirty years ago today 

            On Monday I rehearsed with Brian for our gig in two days at the Art Bar reading series.

George Stroumboulopoulos

            On Friday morning there were more bedbugs caught on the carpet tape around my mattress than there were on the walls. 

            I translated the fifth verse of “L’epoque légendaire” (The Legendary Era) by Boris Vian. 

            I ran through singing and playing “Pirate”, my translation of “Shylock” by Serge Gainsbourg. I uploaded it to my Christian’s Translations blog and started preparing it for publication. I’ll probably have it posted tomorrow. 

            I weighed 91.3 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the second of four sessions and it went out of tune on every song. 

            I put some more two sided carpet tape in certain places around the edge of my futon. I sprayed some more diatomaceous earth on the bottom of my baseboards near the bed. I vacuumed one side of my couch futon and flipped it. 

            I weighed 92.5 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco to buy Sponge Towels because I forgot to buy them yesterday. 

            I weighed 91.75 kilos at 18:05. 

            I was still four days behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up. 

            I had oven potato wedges with a piece of roast pork while watching a 2013 George Stroumboulopoulos interview with Carol Burnett. 

            Carol has won more People’s Choice Awards than any woman in history. George says without Carol there would probably have never been a Saturday Night Live, Kids in the Hall, or In Living Colour. Carol is touring Canada with her Q and A show. Each show is just 90 minutes of audience questions and her responses. 

            George asks her what was the weirdest question she ever got. He says she can say whatever she wants because this is Canada. A woman from Texas asked, “If you could be a member of the opposite sex for 24 hours who would you be and what would you do?” Carol said, “I’d be Osama Bin Laden and I’d kill myself”.

            Carol and her grandmother used to go to Thrifty’s Drug Store in LA and when no one was looking Nana would slip spoons, forks, knives, salt and pepper shakers, and ketchup into her big bag.” Carol says, “We didn’t have any money and so that was the way to do it.” She says she doesn’t mean it was right to steal but it wasn’t a big deal. They didn’t rob any banks. 

            Her grandmother was a hypochondriacal Christian Scientist and when she thought she was going to die she would tell Carol to “know the truth” for her, which in Christian Science involved reminding her that sickness and death are an illusion. Then Nana would tell her to get her an Aspirin, which is against Christian Science. So Carol got mixed messages. 

            Her grandmother was married six times and was quite a coquette when she was younger. She seduced her much younger piano student in Arkansas and they eloped to Texas where he became her second husband. But his mother came and got him. When she died at 81 she had a 41 year old boyfriend who was a jazz musician from Redondo Beach. Carol’s grandmother warned her not to go to New York because it was cold, her blood was too thin and she’d be dead in a week. But once Carol was on the Garry Moore Show she’d call up the trade papers and complain that they hadn’t put Carol in the paper that day. The papers knew her by name and would assure her they would cover Carol. 

            After Nana had a mind heart attack she was in the hospital for a few days and she had people lined up to her room auditioning for her to see if she could get her granddaughter to put them on The Garry Moore Show. 

            Carol says she’d always had a weak chin and she felt funny in profiles. A surgeon in Honolulu said he could bring her chin up two or three millimeters so she could feel it when it rained. After she finished shooting Annie she had it done. Then she got a call that they were going to reshoot the “Easy Street” number. She had gone into a closet and they were reshooting her coming out but she reminded John Houston that she had a chin now. He just told her to come out looking determined. 

            Harvey Korman had just died before this interview. Carol says he was like a brother. She says he was a consummate actor with comedy chops. She says maybe there was someone as good but there was no one better. She says he was better than her and made her game better. 

            Carol says at one point while her show was on the air there were nine variety shows. 

            Harvey left after the tenth season to do his own show and Carol missed Harvey during her eleventh season. 

            George asks what accent was Tim Conway doing when he did Mr. Tudball. Carol doesn’t know but I always thought it was supposed to be Swedish. Apparently Tim modeled it after his mother’s Romanian accent. 

            George Stroumboulopoulos graduated from the Radio Broadcasting program at Humber College in 1993. He started at a radio station in Kelowna, British Columbia. he moved back to Toronto where he worked for the radio stations CJCL, CFNY, Fan 590 and 102.1 The Edge for four years. he started his television career in 2000 as the host and producer of The Punk Show and then The New Music for MuchMusic. He made his film debut in Going the Distance in 2004. In 2005 he moved to The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation where he hosted and co-executive produced The Hour, which became George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight from 2005 to 2014. It won eight Gemini Awards. In 2007 he started hosting The Strombo Show on CBC radio. He hosted the documentary series Love Hate and Propaganda. From 2014 to 2016 he anchored Hockey Night In Canada. In 2020 he joined Apple Music Radio as a host of a Monday to Thursday show. he also launched the book club Strombo Lit. He co-starred in The Communist’s Daughter web series for which he won a Canadian Screen Award. He was the first Canadian National Ambassador Against Hunger for the United nations World Food Program. he was made a Member of the Order of Canada in 2023. He says hosting is his life. He doesn’t even own a plant.

August 11, 1996: My daughter and I played on the old structures on the back roof

Thirty years ago today 

            On Sunday my daughter and I enjoyed playing on the back roof of my place. There was more than one level and old brick structures to climb on.

Barbara Walters

            On Thursday before bed I finished circling my mattress with two sided carpet tape. 

            I went to bed at 1:30 and I think I pretty much went to sleep right away until the alarm went off at 5:00. It had to drill deeper than usual for it to wake me up. I think I fell asleep during yoga.

            I found a few bedbugs caught on the tape and only one running free on the wall. The tape had come loose in a small section at the foot of my bed. 

            I translated the fourth verse of “L’epoque légendaire” (The Legendary Time) by Boris Vian. 

            I worked out the chords for the last line of “Shylock” by Serge Gainsbourg. I ran through singing and playing it in French. I translated the final line and tomorrow I’ll run through singing and playing my full English version of the song before uploading it to my Christian’s Translations blog to prepare it for publication. 

            I weighed 90.5 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since last Thursday. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the first of four sessions and as usual it was constantly out of tune. 

            I had a lunch date with my upstairs neighbour David and it was his turn to pay so I had a potato roti and a ginger beer at Ali’s roti. He has bedbugs too and I think they are coming from his third floor neighbour Jacob’s place. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco where I bought five bags of Canadian cherries, a rack of Canadian pork ribs, an Atlantic salmon fillet from Chile, and a pack of Full City Dark coffee. I did a price match on the cherries with No Frills price of $8.80 a kilos. The cashier was brand new and mine was her first price match. The store policy is to only do the same price match on four items and so she wanted to charge me the regular price for one bag of cherries. I told her that everybody else just doubles up the bags on the scale. She asked her supervisor and she said that was okay. I gave her $90 but she only gave me change for $80. I pointed that out to her and she saw her mistake but didn’t know how to fix it so she had to call Isabella to guide her through it. It’s okay. All the cashiers fumble at first. I’m sure she’ll be efficient in no time. 

            I weighed 91.4 kilos at 18:35. That’s the easiest I’ve been on the scale in the evening since July 29. 

            I was four days behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up. 

            I had wedge fries with a piece of roast pork while watching the rest of the Barbara Walters interview and a Marlo Thomas interview with Carol Burnett. 

            Barbara asks Carol if she blamed herself for her daughter Carrie’s drug addiction. She says she did because she wondered if there had been signs that she missed. Carol thinks that maybe she tried too hard to be like the screen mothers she admired who never got angry and never showed her children when she was down. After Carrie kicked her addiction she and Carol went public about it, partly to spread awareness but also to beat the tabloids to the story. While working on the play Hollywood Arms, Carol rented and renovated the apartment in which she was raised. Barbara points out that Carol was going to be a journalist but became an actor while Barbara was going to be an actor but became a journalist. Carol’s daughters came to every dress rehearsal and practically grew up on the set. Jodie became a producer and co-produced one of Carol’s specials. Carol married a much younger man and so did her grandmother. Barbara asks why the marriage is good for her. Carol says it gives a sense of security, a sense of being cared for, and feeling like she’s number 1. When Carrie was on her deathbed she assisted in the casting for Hollywood Arms. Carrie named her tumour Yucky Chuckie so she could talk to it. She had a picture of it and would visualize it getting smaller. She suffered a lot and Carol was hoping for her to die. Carrie apologized for smoking. Beverly Sills says Carol has no choice but to get over Carrie’s death. 

            The Marlo Thomas interview takes place in a restaurant and Marlo is reading off her laptop questions from fans for Carol. 

            Someone asks Carol her favourite joke. She remembers the first joke she ever heard. A little boy and a little girl were at a picnic. When the girl saw the boy take a piss on a tree she said, That’s a handy gadget to bring to a picnic.”

            Someone asks who cracked her up the most on her show. She says it was Tim Conway. They would tape two shows and after the first, Tim would ask the director if he got everything. If he had then Tim felt free to adlib during the second taping. Tim would just have to look at Harvey and tilt his head before going off script and already Harvey would lose it. 

            Someone asks Carol how she keeps up her youthful energy. She says she does crossword puzzles, Pilates and eats granola yogourt and fruit for breakfast.

            Someone asks Carol who are her favourite funny women. She says Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, and Jane Lynch. Marlo comments that Jane looks like Carol and she considers it a compliment. 

            Marlo says her father Danny Thomas told her to not be afraid of failing at auditions because if you’re a tomato and they want a potato you’re not gonna get it. Carol adds “Don’t take it personally”.

            Someone asks Carol what current show makes her laugh. She says Modern Family but she also likes the dramas like Mad Men and Damages. “What show would you like recurring role on?” Modern Family and Mad Men. 

            Advice to those who have fear about taking a plunge. Nothing is worse than regret, so go for it.

            Advice for someone over 50 who wants to change careers. Save your money before making the change. Something might happen is not a plan. 

            Carol says she was once trying to cash a cheque in a department store but she didn’t have her identification. So the woman said she’d cash her cheque if she did the Tarzan yell. She did it and a security guard burst through a door with his gun drawn. Carol does it and everyone in the restaurant applauds. 

            Carol says she’s not religious but faith helps her through bad times. 

            Marlo says at her dad’s funeral all these comedians got up. Bob Hope stood up and said, “Danny was so religious he has stained glass windows in his car.” 

            Carol never liked doing stand-up. She wanted to make eye contact with another performer and play off them. 

            Carol says todays shows are missing out in not being filmed before a studio audience. Carol says she has nothing against edgy comedy but she prefers to be made to have a belly laugh. Marlo says Woody Allen’s play has lots of belly laughs. She’s probably referring to his play Honeymoon Motel.

            Someone asks Carol what she thinks of Occupy Wall Street and she says she thinks it’s great.

            Barbara Walters became a working journalist in 1951 after earning her BA in English from Sarah Lawrence. She started at WNBT-TV, which was NBC’s flagship station. She joined the Today Show as a writer and researcher in 1961. She became a Today Girl and did light assignments plus the weather. She published How to Talk to Practically Anyone About Practically Anything in 1970 (with help from Canadian journalist June Callwood). She was the first woman to anchor a news broadcast on a major network in 1976 on World News Tonight. She moderated a debate between Gerald Ford and Jimmy Carter. She started her Barbara Walters Specials in 1976 with an interview of Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter. Her interview with Monica Lewinski was the highest rated news program in history. The Today Show’s first female co-host. From 1993 to 2015 she hosted the annual special Barbara Walters Ten Most Fascinating People. She created The View and produced and co-hosted it from 1997 to 2014. She was the first anchor to earn $1 million a year. She said her best interview was with Katherine Hepburn and her worst was with Warren Beatty. She’s interviewed every US president and First Lady from Richard and Pat Nixon to Barack and Michelle Obama but she did interview Donald Trump and Joe Biden before they became president. She was able to be cool around celebrities because she was surrounded by them her whole life, having been the daughter of the owner of several nightclubs. In 2007 she earned $12 million. In 2008 she was asked who she would want to spend time with if the world was ending and family and friends don’t count. She said she would interview Osama Bin Laden. She never owned a car or had a driver’s license. She was a Republican. She was named one of the best dressed stars of all time by People Magazine in 2000. She donated $1 million to Sarah Lawrence College towards a Barbara Walters gallery. She was nominated for 19 Emmys and won 3. She won a GLAAD Award in 2008 for a report on transgender children. She said it meant more to her than all of her Emmys.

Isaac Ordonez

            On Wednesday after midnight I put some more two sided carpet tape along the edge of my mattress. This time I made sure to use smaller strips of tape so it wouldn’t lift away where the futon is not straight. I only managed to cover the side that goes against the western baseboards and a little bit of the head of my bed before the tape ran out. I’ll have to get some more today. I woke up at around 2:00 because I felt a bedbug on me. I got up to pee and then went on a search and destroy mission. The tape had caught a few but as usual most were babies on the vestigial door above my pillow. I’m going to put down some more diatomaceous earth.

            I translated the third verse of “L’epoque légendaire” (Legendary Time) by Boris Vian. I spent a lot of time trying to research the references to the playwrights Edmond Rostand who wrote Cyrano de Bergerac and Georges Feydeau who wrote La Dame de Chez Maxim. There was a reference to a line that is repeated several times in the latter play “Oh come on, he’s not my father!” Apparently people found it hilarious and it became a popular catchphrase. 

            I worked out the chords for all but the final line of “Shylock” by Serge Gainsbourg. I’ll have the song done tomorrow. 

            I weighed 91.25 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune most of the time. 

            Around midday I went to the hardware store and bought a new roll of carpet tape. I laid carpet tape around the edge of my mattress, this time using smaller strips so it fits better. 

            I weighed 92 kilos before lunch. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines and a glass of lemonade. 

            I took a siesta and slept for an extra half an hour so by the time I brushed my teeth it was too late for a bike ride. 

            I weighed 91.5 kilos at 17:45, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since last Wednesday. 

            I was still five days behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up. 

            I made pizza on a slice of Rudolph’s sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, oven wedge fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager and was going to eat while watching the season 2 premier of Wednesday with my daughter on Discord. Sometimes she goes to sleep and misses our weekly date but I could see on Discord that she was playing a game. I messaged her and waited ten minutes but she didn’t come around so I had supper while watching the first 15 minutes of a 2002 Barbara Walters interview with Carol Burnett. Then I got a message from Astrid that she’d forgotten that it was Wednesday and that she needs an alarm. We laughed about how I need an alarm to get me up at 5:00 every day while she needs an alarm once a week to tell her that it’s Wednesday. 

            We see that Wednesday’s brother Pugsley is entering his first year at Nevermore and also that he’s inherited his Uncle Fester’s electrical powers. Wednesday learns to her extreme annoyance upon arriving at school that she is a celebrity for having saved Nevermore before the school closed for the year. There is also a very enthusiastic new principal named Dort has pyro powers and who, unlike the late Principal Weems, doesn’t care about Nevermore’s reputation in nearby Jericho. He asks Wednesday’s mother Morticia to head a fund raising committee and so she and Gomez are given a fancy cottage to stay in at the school. Pugsley heard the story of a student with a clockwork heart and goes to the skull tree where he is buried. He accidentally uses his powers to revive the student as a zombie and seems pretty happy about it. Wednesday discovers she has a stalker. A private investigator is killed by a murder of crows and the former Sheriff Galpin wants Wednesday to help him solve the case. Xavier (who is not in this season) sends Wednesday a painting of a crow with one red eye. Wednesday’s stalker steals her novel manuscript. Enid is rightly flabbergasted that Wednesday wouldn’t have a back-up copy. Wednesday follows the clues to the giant wicker raven that is going to be set aflame as part of the opening celebrations. She enters the wicker base and crawls around looking for her novel and she is still there when Dort sets the bird on fire. The telekinetic students cause the flaming raven to flap its wings and fly over Nevermore while Wednesday finds her novel and makes it out just in time. Dort invites her to the stage to be honoured by the crowd for saving the school and he unveils a giant AI generated portrait of her in a heroic stance. She grabs a torch and destroys the picture telling them to never dare to put her on a pedestal. After she leaves the stage she has a vision of Enid’s tombstone surrounded by crows. Wednesday collapses in a seizure. 

            Pugsley is played by Isaac Ordonez, who was home schooled. He made his film debut in 2011 in the short film Husky. He made his feature film debut in 2018 in A Wrinkle in Time. He appeared in several short films such as Dia De las Carpas, Jude, Psycho Sally, and Dispara y Mata.

August 10, 1996: I picked up my daughter from her mother's place

Thirty years ago today

            On Saturday I picked up my daughter from her mother’s place in Scarborough and she came to spend the weekend at my place.

Charles Grodin

            On Tuesday morning I woke up well rested thinking that I slept better because there were fewer bedbugs like the day before. But when I checked later there were quite a lot of them all with my blood inside. I must have just slept through all the bites this time. The two sided carpet tape I’ve been wrapping around the edge of the mattress didn’t catch many. I think I’ve got to use shorter strips of the tape rather than run it all around in one stretch because the futon doesn’t have straight edges and so the tape lifts away at certain points, which would allow the bugs to crawl under. With shorter strips I could make the tape flush with the mattress. 

            I translated the first two verses of “L’epoque légendaire” (Legendary Time) by Boris Vian.

            I worked out the chords for the first verse of “Shylock” by Serge Gainsbourg so now that I have the chorus and a verse, that should establish the pattern. I’ll find out tomorrow. 

            I weighed 91.8 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since February 17. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune most of the time.

            In the early afternoon I did my laundry. I would normally wait until I was out of underwear to do that, which would have been a couple of weeks away, but I wanted to steam my bed and bedroom floor. While my things were in the wash I steamed the futon. While they were in the dryer I did the baseboards and the floor. 

            I weighed 91.6 kilos at 16:10. 

            I took a siesta and when I woke up it was too late for a bike ride. 

            I weighed 92.35 kilos at 19:20. 

            I was still five days behind in my journal and worked on catching up. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a piece of roast pork while watching a 1991 interview by David Letterman and a 1999 interview by Mike Wallace of Carol Burnett. 

            Paul Shaeffer plays “Oh Carol” as Carol comes out. She says she just came from getting her hair cut. Vidal Sassoon was the first person who ever cut her hair very short. She says before 1960 she’d always put rollers in her hair but when Vidal came to New York he changed her look. She says he was quite nice. Dave says, “That was the old Vidal!” 

            She says she’d been doing an anthology show, which she wasn’t happy with on NBC. That network didn’t want a variety show so she was free to move back to CBS where she feels more at home. Then she realizes that Letterman is on NBC but Dave says, “Just barely.” He shouts behind him, “Are the trucks here?” 

            Since she’s back in New York to do her new show Dave asks if she’s given up her home in Hawaii. She says she still has a home in Hawaii and goes to veg out there as much as possible. Dave asks if it’s an 8 hour flight. She says she’s on Oahu, which is where Honolulu is at the foot of Diamond Head. When she needs a city fix she goes to Waikiki and laughs at everybody. “Do you see Don Ho at all?” “He hasn’t called me in ages.” “Is he near where you are?” “Yes”. “I’ve never been to Hawaii.” “Well come on over!” “Is that a serious invitation or a talk show invitation?” “Serious.” 

            They show a clip of Carol’s new show featuring a comic musical duet with Martin Short. In the sketch they both have buck teeth. Carol says he taught her that of you use tooth white on either side of the teeth they pop out like Bugs Bunny. 

            Dave tells Carol she reminds him of his sister Jan. 

            Dave asks if the old gang has got in touch with her about appearing on her new show. She says Conway is coming on the season finale and he wants to write a Tudball-Wiggins sketch in which Mrs. Wiggins accuses him of sexually harassing her. Dave says Tim Conway is a very nice guy. 

            Dave says, “You know who was here a couple of weeks ago and we had all kind of trouble with him, a very nice guy and a man for whom I have the highest regard as an actor, Charles Grodin. Now the two of you once started a club?” Carol says, “Chuck asked me out to dinner once and said, ‘Why don’t we start a club about being friendly?’.” She asked him why and he said because most people are impolite to one another. Very rarely would one look at their waiter and thank them. Or complimenting strangers. So Carol and Charles went on talk shows and started Club Friendly. It worked for about a week and Grodin’s mother was answering mail from all over the country. Dave says, “We have trouble with Chuck because he’s psychotic.” Dave thinks he wasn’t serious about Club Friendly. He says, “This guy would die if a stranger touched him!” Carol says, “Yeah, but he’d be friendly.” 

            In 2001 CBS aired a reunion of The Carol Burnett Show and 30 million people tuned in. More than the finales of The West Wing or ER. 

            Mike Wallace asks Carol why audiences are so drawn to her. She says people come up to her and say “You remind me of my sister” or You remind me of my aunt”. One lady said, “I just love you! You’re so common!” 

            There’s a clip from one of Carol’s Q and A shows when an audience member asks Carol what three things she’d like to accomplish before she dies. Carol answers, “Mel Gibson, Mel Gibson, and Mel Gibson.” This was back when everybody loved Mel Gibson. 

            Carol’s autobiography was called One More Time. 

            The only happy people she knew were in the movies. 

            Her grandmother would have Mary Baker Eddy in one hand and a phenobarbital in the other.

            After Carol started performing in college everybody wanted to be her friend. 

            Mike asks Julie Andrews why everybody adores Carol. She says because she’s courageous and vulnerable at the same time. 

            Beverly Sills says she had a nice long career but the happiest moments were spent with Carol onstage at the Metropolitan Opera. 

            On her third marriage to a man 23 years younger, “If it’s good enough for the guys it’s good enough for the gals.” 

            Tim Conway says Carol is annoying because she’s so nice. She doesn’t gossip and doesn’t say anything bad about anybody. “Would you wanna go to dinner with somebody like that?” 

            Carol earned her sixth Emmy for playing Helen Hunt’s mother on Mad About You. She says she’d like to die on stage. 

            Charles Grodin made his uncredited film debut in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in 1954. He studied with Uta Hagen and Lee Strasberg before making his acting debut in the anthology series Decision in 1958. He made his stage debut on Broadway in 1962 in Tchin Tchin. In 1966 he co-wrote and directed Hooray It’s a Glorious Day and All That on Broadway. In 1969 he directed his first TV special Songs of America. He starred in The Heartbreak Kid, 11 Harrowhouse (for which he wrote the adaptation), Beethoven, and Beethoven’s 2nd. He co-starred in Sex and the College Girl, Sunburn, It’s My Turn, King Kong, The Great Muppet Caper, The Incredible Shrinking Woman, Taking Care of Business, Seems Like Old Times, The Lonely Guy, Midnight Run, The Couch Trip, Clifford, The Humbling, and The Comedian. In 1977 he hosted Saturday Night Live deliberately playing himself as unprepared to host. He won an Emmy for co-writing The Paul Simon Special in 1978. He co-starred in the soap opera parody Fresno. He starred on The Charles Grodin Show from 1995 to 1998. He became a commentator on 60 Minutes II from 2000 to 2003. He appeared in 5 episodes of Louie. He was often deliberately belligerent on talk shows and verbally attacked the hosts to make himself a more interesting guest. His 1989 autobiography was called It Would Be So Nice If You Weren’t Here. He directed the original Broadway production of Lovers and Other Strangers.