Tania Velia

            I vacuumed most of my apartment for the first time in a couple of months, filling the canister twice.

            I practiced my song “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” four times and it’s about an eight-minute song.

            I translated a bit of “Les Ramparts du Sud” (The Southern Ramparts) by Boris Vian. It's kind of a bizarre road trip with the first part being taken up by all the red tape involved in preparing for the trip. The main character is the Major, who is kind of a self-centred loser who behaves recklessly resulting in comical results. The part I translated is when the road trip is underway. The Major is travelling with a car full of friends and they have stopped at an intersection to eat some lunch. The Major is holding a very large loaf of bread when suddenly a chicken pokes its head up from a ditch. The Major wants to kill it and eat it and so he slams the loaf down onto the hen’s head. But the bird happens to be from a farm up the road that belongs to a famous football goalie that has trained the chicken and so the hen head butts the bread out of the major’s hand and it flies five meters away. Weaving like a lunatic the chicken grabs the loaf before it even touches the ground and disappears in a cloud of dust carrying the loaf under its wing.

            In the late afternoon I took a bike ride. This time it was actually cooler on Bloor than it was in Parkdale because there was a cool breeze blowing from the east. I had only worn my hoody but fortunately I had a scarf and my spring gloves in my backpack.

            At Sherbourne I was waiting at the light. There was an SUV in front of me. The window rolled down and I thought I heard the driver say, “Excuse me, could I ask you a question?” But I was behind her window and I wasn’t sure. She was rolling her window back up when I pulled up beside it and when she saw me she rolled it back down. She wanted to know if cyclists have the right of way. I wasn’t sure exactly what she meant. I thought she might be asking about turning and I said that we just right turn whether there’s a red light or not. She asked if she was supposed to wait for us when the light turns green. I said, “Not necessarily. We just stay in this lane.” After riding on I thought that she probably wanted to know if she’s supposed to wait to turn until the cyclists have gone forward. I don’t think there’s any rule. If there’s a space you can turn but just don’t kill us.

            I rode as far as Victoria Park before turning and heading home.

            I weighed 89.1 kilos after the ride.

            I had an egg with a piece of toast and a beer for dinner and watched two episodes of Sea Hunt.

            In the first story Mike is helping his friend Bill test the miniature two-man submarine he has built. When they bring the sub ashore on a remote beach Mike notices small stones coming down from the cliff, which might mean there are people up there. He climbs up and meets a beautiful woman named Maria. Perhaps because of her accent he suspects her of being a Soviet spy but then a US government agent shows up to vouch for her. It Turns out her father is a Russian scientist that wants to defect. They eventually convince Mike to use the sub to rescue Dr Wenzel from a Russian ship doing research in the middle of the Pacific. The sub is transported by boat until it is nearby and then Mike pilots it alongside the Soviet ship. Maria has given Mike the plans for the ship, which has been obtained from its designer, who recently defected. Mike has memorized the floor plan and he finds Wenzel easily. Another scientist helps them to escape.

            Maria was played by Tania Velia, who was an Olympic swimmer for Yugoslavia before going to Hollywood. She did mostly B movies like Queen of Outer Space and The Fiend of Dope Island for which she was billed as the Yugoslavian bombshell.

            In the second story Mike and a team of two undersea photographers are testing shark repellent in the Caribbean. They are lowered in a cage from a ship under the command of Captain Marshall. Also on board is Marshall's extremely flirtatious wife Lucille, which does not mix well with Marshall’s extreme jealousy. Marshall decides to sabotage the cage by cutting the line. Mike leaves the cage to retrieve some equipment on the ship and catches Marshall but not before the line is cut. The cage drops to fifty meters and falls on its side where the escape door is. Marshall realizes he made a mistake and tries to help save the men. The ship does not have a cable strong enough to lift the cage but they decide to bring down to the cage some inflatable rafts with weights, then to remove the weights and put the rafts inside the cage to inflate them. With the added buoyancy the weaker cable they have raises the cage. But on the way up one of the men in the cage runs out of air. Marshall gives him his tank and tries to swim to the surface but his lungs explode. Mike is kind of mean to Lucille in the end as if it was all her fault.

            Lucille was played by Tracey Roberts, who did not have a lot of success as a movie actor even though she was talented and beautiful. She went kicking and screaming into coaching other actors but came to love it and became a world-renowned teacher.