Friday 26 April 2024

Robert F. Simon


            On Thursday I worked out the chords for the chorus and the first couple of lines of the first verse of “J'ai pleuré le Yang-Tsé” (My Tears Flood the Yangtze) by Serge Gainsbourg. 
            I played my Kramer electric guitar during song practice for the first of two sessions. 
            I weighed 87.5 kilos before breakfast. 
            When I posted my five-years ago diary I noticed that this time five years ago I went downtown to renew my health card. I checked my card and saw that it will expire on my birthday next month and so today seemed like a good day to renew it again. I checked online to see if it’s possible to do it online and it is if one has an Ontario Photo Card but I don’t. It never occurred to me to get one before but it seemed like a good idea now so I decided I’d ask when I got downtown to Service Ontario. I left at around 11:30 and took my usual bike ride to Yonge and Bloor first, then I went down to Dundas and across to Bay. Once there I realized I’d gone too far and should have turned right at Yonge and College. I had to pee like crazy and made it to the washroom at 777 Bay just in time. At Service Ontario there was no line-up whatsoever although five years ago I had to wait over an hour and a half. I asked the receptionist how people renew their cards online if they need to get their picture taken. She said if one renews it online they use the old photo but if they do it there they need to get their picture taken. I asked why and she sounded slightly bored and annoyed by the question when she said, “I don’t know. Your number’s being called at booth 27.” At the booth I showed all the id I needed and ordered both the health card renewal and a photo card for the first time. I needed to take two photos. I asked if there was no lineup because everybody is doing it online now. She said that no, it is usually very busy and this was unusual. 
            On the way home I stopped at Freshco where I bought five bags of grapes, two packs of raspberries, bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a jug of raspberry lemonade, Full City Dark coffee, salsa, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s Sweet Chili chips. 
            I weighed 86.1 kilos at 14:30, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since March 29. 
            I took a late siesta at 15:00. 
            I weighed 87 kilos at 16:45. 
            I was caught up on my journal at 18:00. 
            I copied the Movie Maker project for my September 11, 2023 song practice as “Joanna Dancing (acoustic)” and isolated that one song. I kept mostly the audio I recorded on Audacity with a touch from the camera microphone. I put it in grey scale and added the effect of starting close and easing back, then I published it. Tomorrow I’ll upload it to YouTube.
            I downloaded the dance performance from Mata Hari starring Greta Garbo. I converted it to WMV and then imported it into the Movie Maker project for my song “Angeline”. I placed it at the end of the timeline and started cutting out the parts I don’t need. I got it down to 39 seconds but I probably only need about 2.
            I scanned some more slides from the fourth to the last box and got more than half of the box done. There are mostly baby pictures from the late summer of 1991, some urban shots of buildings, and one portrait of my daughter’s Aunt Susan. 
            I grilled four pork chops and fried two. I had one of the fried ones with a potato and gravy while watching season 1, episodes 19 and 20 of Bewitched
            Samantha invites Darrin’s parents Phyllis and Frank for dinner but also invites her mother Endora. Endora is extremely charming and impresses Frank so much that Phyllis gets jealous. Frank tells Endora that he and Phyllis are going to the theatre and invites her along. Phyllis says she’s going to have a headache that night. She thinks Frank is smitten. The day after the theatre Phyllis tells Darrin she’s looking for a good divorce lawyer because Frank didn’t come home the night before. It turns out he did come home but he didn’t have his keys and Phyllis either didn’t hear him calling or refused to. Frank tells Samantha he spent the night at his club. He tells her the story of how he and Phyllis fell in love at Angel Falls in his convertible when it started rain storming and he couldn’t get the top up. Samantha helps to patch things up and Phyllis is preparing for a date with Frank but then Endora shows up to apologize to her and Phyllis gets the wrong idea. She thinks Frank and Endora want to be together and nothing Endora says can convince her otherwise. Phyllis takes a train to Phoenix and Frank catches a plane to Florida. Samantha asks for Endora’s help to fix things. Samantha causes the train to stop in Angel Falls and Endora makes the plane land there. Phyllis and Frank meet and he’s driving a convertible. He gives her a ride and it’s like that time before. 
            In the second story Samantha is invited to be the matron of honour at her cousin’s wedding in Cairo. Darrin can’t make it and tells Endora that Samantha isn’t travelling without him. Samantha agrees but Endora blames Darrin and tells him he’s in trouble. That day at work Darrin is swamped and Larry hires him an assistant from the copy writing department. Gideon arrives and acts like he is extremely worshipful of Darrin. Darrin brings Gideon to the meeting with Mr. Wolfe of Wolfe Brothers Department Store. As soon as they meet Wolfe, Darrin begins to fumble while Gideon is smooth and charming with Wolfe. While making his presentation Darrin gets the hiccups and Gideon has to take over. Later on the way to another meeting with Wolfe, Darrin gets stuck in the elevator and when Darrin doesn’t show up, Gideon takes over. Later at home Darrin gets the idea that Endora jinxed him. The next day Darrin is late for work because he ran out of gas even though he filled the tank the day before. When he gets there he finds that Gideon has just presented Wolfe with the exact same layouts that Darrin worked on all night but left at home. That evening Samantha tells him his thinking is becoming dangerous if every time things go wrong he’s going to blame it on witchcraft from now on. But when he tells her about the layouts she starts to think it might actually be witchcraft. The next day Darrin begins a presentation before the entire Wolfe Brothers board and things go wrong again, including a model of a Wolfe home going up in flames. Darrin is given a few days off. Gideon is sent to pick up the Wolfe file from Darrin’s briefcase and Samantha takes the opportunity to cast a spell to make Gideon reveal himself. It turns out he is not a warlock but a very clever and conniving human being. Darren tends to doodle at work and Gideon went through his waste basket to figure out his layouts. Gideon overloaded the circuits in the elevator by pressing all of the buttons at once. Darrin overhears and punches Gideon. The next day Gideon is back to sharpening pencils and Darrin impressively takes over the Wolfe account again. 
            Darrin’s father was played by Robert F. Simon, who took up acting to overcome shyness. He spent ten years on Broadway as both an actor and a stage manager. He played Captain Rudy Olsen on The Streets of San Francisco and J. Jonah Jameson on the live action Spiderman TV series in the late 70s.



April 26, 1994: I gave Nik Beat a feature at my open stage


Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday Steve Lowe and Arjan came over to rehearse my songs for our May 11 feature at Fat Albert’s. That evening I went to the Art Bar at the Gladstone Hotel to host my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy weekly writers open stage. A week or so before that Nik Beat had asked if I would give him a feature. It wasn’t my plan to have featured performers at my event but since Nik asked I made an exception and booked him for this night. I performed one of his poems. I was feeling weird towards my co-host Mary Milne, I think because she seemed to be attracted to me and I didn’t want people to get the impression that we were a couple.

Thursday 25 April 2024

Clarence Lung


            On Wednesday morn ing I finished memorizing “J'ai pleuré le Yang-Tsé” (My Tears Flood the Yangtze) by Serge Gainsbourg. I looked for the chords but no one has posted them so I worked them out for the intro and a bit of the first line. 
            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the last of four sessions. 
            I weighed 96.7 kilos before breakfast. 
            I downloaded my tax slips from my pension payments and did my taxes with H&R Block. It only took about an hour because I let them fill in all my info from last year. 
            I weighed 87.2 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of limeade. 
            In the afternoon I took a bike ride. I stopped at the Brockton Cyclery to inquire about trailers for bikes, but all they had was one of those covered trailers for carting children around. They didn’t know where I could get a simple trailer, so I’ll have to keep looking. I already asked at Metro a few weeks ago but they said they are too small to carry trailers. I rode downtown and back. 
            I weighed 87 kilos at 17:30. 
            I was caught up on my journal at 18:20. 
            In the Movie Maker project for my acoustic version of “Joanna” I brightened the video and added an ease-in effect. I uploaded it to You Tube. Tomorrow I’ll work on the video for the acoustic version on my translation, “Joanna Dancing Lightly”. 


            In the Movie Maker project for my song “Angeline” I aged the section of the concert video in which I sing, “I’d been looking hard and long”. The next part of the video shows me with my mouth open and singing, “Ahhhh” but I don’t do that in the studio audio so I have to cut it out and replace it with another Greta Garbo clip to match the line, “My machinery had a surge of power”. I settled on a clip of the temple dance scene from Mata Hari
            I scanned some more slides from the fourth to last box. I have about a quarter of that batch done. A couple more are overexposed except for the urban shots of buildings. There’s also another shot of my niece Kelly posing with my brother Allison after her wedding in the summer of 1991. 
            I made pizza on naan with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 1, episodes 17 and 18 of Bewitched
            In the first story Darrin sprains his ankle and is bedridden. He is constantly calling Samantha to ask for things and so she never gets anything done. Finally she suggests that she could enchant the house so it does Darrin’s bidding and that way she could do her housework without interruptions. He starts to like having magic at his command and then tells Samantha that he’s been selfish and wrong to stop her from using her magic. This leads to him deciding to quit his job so they can travel the globe and enjoy the good things. Samantha agrees to all of this but is unhappy. She gets the idea to cure Darrin of this taste for the easy life by going over the top with it. She tells him she wants an enormous mansion. He buys her some roses and a watch and she begins to cry, saying she will go wherever he wants but she wants him to know that these gifts are the most important things in the world to her. Darrin asks her to take him back in time to before he got control of the house. She does and this time when he calls out for a pencil she doesn’t float it to him but carries it upstairs. 
            In the second story Darrin has designed a campaign for the Countess Margaret Cosmetics company and the president loves it. But the chairman of the board is Margaret Marshall, who also likes it but wants to discuss a few changes with Darrin. She insists on him flying to Chicago that night to meet her. Tonight happens also to be Darrin and Samantha’s seven month anniversary and so he has to break it to her. They exchange gifts and Darrin gives her a piece of jewellery in the shape of a cat. She suggests she come with him disguised as a cat but he says no. At the Chicago airport Darrin is picked up by Margaret’s chauffeur Kujo, who drives her to the harbour where the captain of her yacht meets him. He is holding a Siamese cat that he says he just found. He says he might as well give it a good home aboard the yacht. Darrin thinks the cat is Samantha. Margaret lives on her yacht, which she has christened The True Love. When Darrin and Margaret are alone she shows she is more interested in pleasure than business. Darrin’s boss has told him not to tell Margaret that he is married. He spends a lot of time trying to put physical space between them, plus he thinks Samantha is watching. Eventually Margaret figures out that Darrin is married but wants to use his campaign anyway. Darrin takes the cat home, still thinking that it is Samantha. But Samantha is there waiting for him. He gives Samantha the cat. Apparently it really was Elizabeth Montgomery’s pet Siamese, which she called “Zip Zip”. 
            Kujo was played by Clarence Lung, whose first film role was an uncredited part in The Good Earth. He played Takahari in the 13 chapter film serial Secret Agent X-9.

April 25, 1994: My daughter and I played and then I rehearsed with Tom


Thirty years ago today 

            On Monday my daughter was still with me because her mother was away. We just played at home and maybe went to the playground. Tom Smarda came over in the afternoon to rehearse my songs for our May 11 feature at Fat Albert’s.

Wednesday 24 April 2024

Virginia Martin


            On Tuesday morning I memorized the fourth verse of “J'ai pleuré le Yang-Tsé” (My Tears Flood the Yangtze) by Serge Gainsbourg. There is one verse left to nail down and I should have that done on Wednesday. 
            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the third session of four. 
            I weighed 87.3 kilos before breakfast. 
            Today was laundry day but I’d forgotten to look for Sunlight lemon detergent when I was at Freshco on Thursday. They never have it at No Frills. I walked over to Fullworth but they didn’t have it there either. I walked west on Queen and stopped at several places. Shoppers Drug Mart had the orange and the apple sunlight but not the lemon. The orange smells like someone puked after drinking too much Orange Crush. I walked back east past my place to the hardware store. They had a section on the shelf in the back with the label “lemon Sunlight” but that area was empty. I guess it’s popular. I went home and got my bike and rode it down to Freshco where they had no Sunlight whatsoever of any kind. I had no choice but to buy lemon Dawn Ultra instead. I was much later than usual finishing my laundry because of all this running around. I usually take a whole hour for lunch and read the news but this time I only took about fifteen minutes. 
            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 
            I weighed 86.6 kilos at 17:30.
            I was caught up on my journal at 18:15. 
            In the Movie Maker project for my September 6 song practice I copied it and named it “Joanna (acoustic)”. “Joanna” is in part B of that session and so I deleted the audio and video timelines for Part A. Then I needed to re-synchronize the audio with the video because there’s more of a pause in the video as it shuts down and I have to start it again while the Audacity audio recording keeps going. I got them in synch and isolated the song. I added a fade to black effect and adjusted the audio levels so there’s a bit of the audio from the camera microphone to warm it up. Tomorrow I’ll add a visual effect before uploading it to YouTube. 
            In the Movie Maker project for my song “Angeline” I added the video clip of Greta Garbo standing in the doorway of the bar and looking around the room in Anna Christie, to correspond with my line, “You weren’t quite what I was looking for”. Then I cut and synchronized the concert video of the Christian and the Lions performance at the 360 Club on June 3, 1998 so it lined up with the studio audio of me singing “though I’d been looking hard and long”. I also switched that part to grey scale so it’s not too drastic a transition from the much darker Riot Gallery concert video. Tomorrow I’ll try also adding an old film aging effect to see how that looks. 
            I scanned the first few slides from the fourth to the last box. The mounts for the slides in this box are very difficult to open and it’s even harder to close them once the slides are back inside. I guess back in the 90s I had the idea that I was going to get a slide projector, otherwise the mounting is meaningless. A couple of the slides I scanned are overexposed; one is of an interesting juxtaposition of buildings and another is a wedding photo. I assume the wedding is that of my niece Kelly in the summer of 1991 in Peterborough. The shot is from a distance but it seems to show Kelly, her groom and my brother Allison posing together for another photographer.
            I had a potato with gravy and the last of the stewing beef while watching season 1, episodes 15 and 16 of Bewitched. 
            The first story is a Christmas episode. Samantha and Darrin go to the local orphanage as part of a program in which married couples temporarily adopt orphans over Christmas. Gladys and Abner Kravitz have signed up to do the same and they arrive first to meet their charge, the sweet tempered Tommy. But Tommy gets into a argument with a boy named Michael who is very cynical about Christmas and tells Tommy there is no Santa Clause. They both end up fighting and the director breaks the tussle up. Michael is sitting by himself when Samantha and Darrin arrive and it turns out he is the boy they are scheduled to take home. Darrin is told that Michael is a problem child and he suggests to Samantha that they pick someone else but Samantha feels Michael needs them and she convinces Darrin to take Michael home. That night Darrin dresses up as Santa but Michael is not impressed. Finally Samantha offers to take Michael to meet the real Santa Clause at the North Pole. Of course he doesn’t believe she could do that and so she has to prove to Michael that she is a witch. After Darrin walks in, Samantha invites Darrin to come with them. So off they all fly on Samantha’s broomstick to Santa’s workshop. There we see that Samantha and Santa are old friends. Michael is convinced there is a Santa Clause, especially after he and Santa have a chat about the spirit of giving. In the wee hours Darrin wakes up at home with Michael sleeping on his lap. Darrin thinks it was all a dream. The next day Michael brings Tommy a toy fire truck and they become friends. Then the director of the orphanage comes by with the Johnson couple who are interested in adopting Michael. Michael gives Mr. Johnson a tool box and suggests they could build things together. 
            In the second story Samantha is appointed the entertainment chairman by the ladies of the hospital fundraising committee. They always appoint the newest member as no one who’s ever done it before wants to do it again because of the very limited budget. The waiter in the restaurant where the meeting took place gives Samantha the address of a magician. Samantha arrives at the Great Zeno’s room just as Roxy, his assistant is leaving him. Zeno has an obvious drinking problem but Samantha hires him anyway and gives him his $50 in advance. That would be about $500 today so that’s not bad. Samantha wants to keep Zeno sober and so she causes him to think that he is hallucinating. Goldfish appear in his glass and a big parrot shows up near his sink. Zeno dumps his booze down the drain. The night of the show Zeno is too nervous to go on without an assistant and so Samantha agrees to accompany him on stage. He fumbles his tricks and so she helps him out with some real magic. The show is a success and it leads to Zeno being offered a chance to perform his act on TV. Samantha tells him she won’t assist him but she will come down for moral support. Meanwhile Roxy returns because she wants to cash in on Zeno’s newfound success. She tries to make herself the star of the show but Samantha makes her disappear, making it look like it’s part of Zeno’s act. Samantha has built Zeno’s confidence and so now he starts to successfully do his own tricks. 
            Roxy was played by Virginia Martin, who made her Broadway debut as Bessie Noonan in the original run of South Pacific. In 1961 she originated the role of Hedy Larue in the Broadway production of How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. She was nominated for a Tony Award in 1963 for her performance in Little Me. She also played Charmaine Leach on Bewitched.




April 24, 1994: I was annoyed with Mike because he resisted playing drums as I envisioned for my songs


Thirty years ago today

            On Sunday my daughter and I just hung out at home. I was annoyed with Mike Martin’s behaviour at rehearsals because he resisted playing the drums according to my vision of my songs. Some parts of some of my songs require stopping the beat for a moment but he always wanted to keep playing.

Tuesday 23 April 2024

Kit Smythe


            On Monday morning I was working on memorizing “Les frères” by Boris Vian and suddenly parts of the first few verses that have been solidly in my head for weeks slipped away. I’m sure it was just one of those days and I’ll get it back. 
            I memorized the third verse of “J'ai pleuré le Yang-Tsé” (My Tears Flood the Yangtze) by Serge Gainsbourg. There are just two verses left to learn so I should have it all in my head by Wednesday. 
            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the second of four sessions. 
            I weighed 87 kilos before breakfast. 
            Around midday I cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen floor in front of the counter. I’ve got to do laundry tomorrow and then my taxes on Wednesday. 
            I weighed 87.4 kilos before lunch. 
            I took a shorter siesta than usual. My upstairs neighbour sent me a desperate text that read: “Please help me, my plant is dying”. I went up there and looked, then assured him the aloe vera I gave him last year is perfectly fine. It’s green and it’s growing. He insisted on giving me $40. I gave him some soil and stuck a nitrogen stick into his plant pot. We’re going for lunch on Friday. 
            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown. I had to pee at the disgusting McDonald’s washroom on Yonge just above College. I stopped at Freshco on the way back where I bought three bags of grapes, a box of spoon size shredded wheat, course sea salt in a reusable grinder, and Sponge Towels.
            I weighed 86.8 kilos at 17:30. 
            I was caught up on my journal at 18:15. 
            I compared the video of my song practice performance of “Joanna Dancing Lightly” from August 20 to that of August 14 and I think August 20 is a little better. I compared August 24 to August 20 and it’s clear that August 20 looks better. I compared September 3 to August 20 and there is very little traffic noise on September 3, plus it sounds just as good and it’s already synchronized in Movie Maker. I compared September 5 to September 3 and they are about equal. Since September 3 is already in Movie Maker it wins that round. I compared September 15 to September 3 and saw that the light and my playing are not as good on September 15, so September 3 will be uploaded to YouTube. I now have the four versions of the song that I’ll make videos for: acoustic “Joanna” from September 6, acoustic “Joanna Dancing Lightly” from September 11, electric “Joanna” from August 29, and electric “Joanna Dancing Lightly” from September 3, in that order. I’ll start that tomorrow. 
            I searched for a Greta Garbo video clip to fit the line, “You weren’t quite what I was looking for, though I’d been looking hard and long” from my song “Angeline”. I found the scene from Anna Christie when the bartender opens the door and she’s standing there looking disheveled. I think it’s perfect so I downloaded it, converted it to WMV and then imported it to the Movie Maker project for “Angeline”. I cut out everything but the part where she’s standing and looking around in the doorway. Tomorrow I’ll insert it into the video. 
            I finished scanning what I thought was the fourth to the last box of slides but it turns out it was the fifth to the last. It’s mostly baby pictures of my daughter and some of them with her mother Nancy. There are a few shots from a photo shoot I did of Nancy’s sister Susan climbing on some multi angled support pipes, but I forget where this was. 
            I grilled a pack of stewing beef. I had half of the bits with a potato and gravy while watching season 1, episodes 13 and 14 of Bewitched
            In the first story Samantha’s plain friend Gertrude is looking for a boyfriend. Samantha wants Darrin to bring home one of the eligible bachelors who work at his advertizing firm. The only single guy he knows is Kermit, but he’s a swinger who dates all the models that the firm hires, so Darrin doesn’t think he’d be interested. But when Darrin asks Kermit to come for dinner he jumps at the chance for a home cooked meal. Samantha invites Gertrude as well and she and Kermit immediately hit it off. Darrin feels like something is not right because Gertrude is not what Darrin imagines Kermit’s type to be, considering the women he usually dates. When Darrin asks Kermit what he wants to drink he says he’ll have a Crazy Charlie and adds that it’s his own invention. He’s about to list the ingredients when Gertrude does it for him: two parts vodka, one part gin, and one part bicarbonate of soda. There is a drink called a Crazy Charlie but those aren’t the ingredients. Anyway Kermit is impressed and wonders how Gertrude knew. She says she doesn’t know. Darrin is alarmed and asks Samantha if Gertrude is a witch. She says she isn’t and that she just cast a little spell to help Gertrude out. Darrin isn’t convinced and tries to stop Gertrude and Kermit from being together. He calls Kermit’s gorgeous ex-girlfriend Susan and arranges for her to meet him and Kermit at a certain bar. But Samantha arranges for Gertrude to meet her at the same bar. Samantha casts a spell to make Susan mad at Kermit and she storms away. Gertrude arrives and Kermit asks her to marry him. They do get married. Plotwise it’s a very thin and lacklustre story. 
            In the second story Darrin’s parents are about to arrive to meet Samantha for the first time. Just before that Samatha’s Aunt Clara arrives through the chimney because she is elderly and her magic is always going wrong. Clara’s bag and umbrella do not arrive with her because they were not ready when she left. Later they ring the doorbell and float in. Samantha is glad to have someone from her own family there because she is nervous about meeting Darrin’s mother. Darrin is just meeting Clara for the first time himself and he doesn’t think she should be there when his parents are there. Samantha says she’s not going to hurt Clara’s feelings by asking her to leave. Meanwhile Clara is matter of factly telling Darrin’s parents that she and Samantha are both witches. But when Clara tries to walk through a wall she can’t and so they just think she is delusional. Samantha is getting the impression that Phyllis disapproves of her. Clara decides to help her out by preparing coq au vin and pineapple upside down cake for dinner but making it look like Samantha did it. Seeing Samantha as a good cook gives Phyllis a sick headache. When Darrin finds out that Clara conjured the meal he tries to ask her to not use magic. She takes that as meaning she is unwelcome and leaves. Samantha is upset that Clara has gone and she blames Darrin for being mad that Clara prepared the meal. When Phyllis hears that Samantha can’t cook she is overjoyed. She was afraid she was being pushed aside. Now that Phyllis knows Samantha isn’t perfect and now that Samantha knows she doesn’t have to be they can be friends and share a concern for Clara. Samantha asked Clara’s umbrella where she is and it told her she is at the bus station and so Darrin brings her back. In the first story Kermit was played by Adam West, who would soon be cast as Batman on the popular TV series. 
            Gertrude was played by Kit Smythe who graduated from the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in 1960. She debuted on Broadway in No Strings at the age of 21. She was the original Ginger in the pilot episode of Gilligan’s Island. The character was originally a secretary rather than a movie star.






April 23, 1994: My band rehearsed until the guy upstairs started banging on the floor


Thirty years ago today

            On Saturday Tom Smarda brought his electric guitar, Arjan brought his bass, and Mike Martin brought his bongos to my place. We rehearsed until 22:30 when the guy above me started banging angrily on the floor.

Monday 22 April 2024

Irene Vernon


            On Sunday morning I memorized the second verse of “J'ai pleuré le Yang-Tsé” (My Tears Flood the Yangtze) by Serge Gainsbourg.
            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the first of four sessions. 
            I weighed 87.3 kilos before breakfast. 
            Around midday I swept and mopped my apartment. I dumped two buckets of black water down the toilet. Tomorrow the plan is to clean the bathroom and maybe the area on the kitchen floor that I painted in front of the counter and the stove. 
            I weighed 87.6 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of limeade.
            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. When I got home I went out to buy a six-pack of Creemore. 
            I weighed 86.7 kilos at 18:00. 
            I was caught up on my journal at 18:40. 
            I compared the videos of my song practice performances of “Joanna” on August 13 and 19 and found that the later one looks a lot better and sounds just as good such as it is. This song sounds better on the acoustic. I compared August 29 to August 19 and I think the Kramer was more in tune on the later date. I compared September 4 to August 29 and they are about equal except that the August 29 session is already synchronized in Movie Maker. I compared September 14 to August 29 and I think August 29 looks and sounds slightly better so that’s the take I’ll upload to YouTube. Next I need to compare the videos of my electric performances of “Joanna Dancing Lightly” from last year’s sessions. I compared August 14 and August 18. Both have traffic noise but I think August 14 looks and sounds better. The guitar sounds heavier. I have six more to compare. 
            In the Movie Maker project for my song “Angeline” I imported the video of the Christian and the Lions concert at the 360 Club on June 3, 1998. But when I tried to load it into the timeline it would only go into the audio line because it was a VOS file. I thought for sure I must have it in a compatible format since I used clips from it for my "Instructions for Electroshock Therapy" video but for whatever reason I didn’t have it. So I used Total Video Converter to make a copy in WMV, then I imported that. I placed it at the end of the timeline and deleted everything but the beginning of “Angeline”. That was as far as I got this time. The Riot Gallery concert version of the song cuts off at the beginning of the second verse. I don’t think it would look good to just suddenly introduce the other video where the first one left off since they are drastically different videos in lighting and in look. I think I’d better find another Greta Garbo clip as a buffer between them. Then I think I’ll need to alter the appearance of the 360 version at least at the beginning so it’s not too drastic a change. 
           I scanned about ten more slides from the fourth to the last box. These were all shots of my daughter a few days after her birth, sometimes with her mother. I think that there are only five slides left to scan. I’ll have to double check to see of the slides on the other half of the box were done in January but I’m pretty sure they were. 
           I made pizza on naan with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 1, episodes 11 and 12 of Bewitched.
            In the first story Endora has been snooping in Darrin’s briefcase and she’s found photos of attractive women. Samantha explains that they are models and looking at those kinds of pictures are part of an advertizing man’s job but Endora doesn’t buy it. Darrin is looking for a special woman to be Miss Jasmine and to represent the Jasmine Perfume account. He hasn’t quite found the right one but then one day he looks up from his desk and sees an absolutely enchanting woman who wants to audition for the job. She says her name is Jeannine Fleur. Darrin knows at first sight that Janine is perfect for the job and Larry agrees. Her measurements are 94-59-94 cm. The shots are taken and Darrin is happy with them. Darrin tells Jeannine it’s time for lunch. She asks, “Where shall we go?” Darrin says, “We? I’m having lunch with my wife.” She says she thinks he’d better get another Miss Jasmine. He says they need to talk about that and so he calls and cancels lunch with Samantha. Endora keeps telling Samantha she can’t trust Darrin but she says they’ll go to lunch where Darrin and Jeannine are to prove she can. When Samantha sees Janine she suddenly stands up and casts a spell to suspend in time all the humans in the room. Then she walks over to Darrin’s table and addresses Janine, who is only pretending to be frozen, as Sarah Baker. Sarah is also a witch and it turns out that it was Endora who put her up to testing Darrin. Samantha says to back off and Endora tells her to do what Samantha says. But Sarah says, “You know how difficult it is for me to leave a job unfinished?” Samantha considers telling Darrin that Janine is a witch but Endora warns him that might make him think that he is susceptible to witches and then suspect that Samantha used enchantment on him when they first met. Janine asks Darrin to her apartment and so Darrin asks Larry to come along. Sarah uses a sleep potion on Larry and a love potion on Darrin. He is about to kiss her when Samantha appears and suspends him in time. She says Darrin can resist her as long as she doesn’t use magic. She breaks the spells and disappears. Sarah puts magic powder on the fire and Darrin wants to kiss her again but Samantha breaks that spell as well. The next time Sarah makes him want to kiss her she ends up kissing a dead fish. Samantha foils Sarah’s plans. 
            In the second story Gladis Kravitz sees her neighbour Samantha diving in her back yard and then hears a splash. It’s a hot day and she is thrilled to see her neighbour has a pool. But when she looks over the fence there is no pool. Then Samantha gets a call from Louise Tate who asks to come over. She says she just found out after 16 years of marriage that she is pregnant and asks Samantha to come to the doctor with her. Meanwhile Larry has a toothache and goes to the dentist at the same medical centre. When he leaves the dentist’s office he sees Louise and Samantha going into the obstetrician’s office. He opens the door long enough to hear Samantha say she can’t wait to tell Darrin. Larry is excited and goes to tell Darrin that Samantha is pregnant. Samantha calls to say she wants Larry and Louise to come to dinner that night. Darrin daydreams that he has a bunch of children but that they are all broomstick flying witches. When Darrin and Larry arrive at Darrin’s house they both have flowers. Darrin gives his to Samantha and Louise holds up her hands to receive Larry’s bouquet but he gives his to Samantha as well. Both men are doting on Samantha and ignoring Louise. At dinner Louise tries to tell Larry the news but he says he already knows but Samantha should tell Darrin. Louise says it’s all right with her and so Samantha tells Darrin that Louise is going to have a baby. At first it doesn’t register with Larry until he realizes that Samantha said “Louise”. When Louise confirms she’s pregnant he is thrilled.
            Louise was played by Irene Vernon, who had small roles in films during the 1940s. In the 1950s she started acting on television. She was cast as Louise Tate on Bewitched because of the influence of writer Danny Arnold who she had known since they studied acting together. Later when Arnold quit after two years, because of her association with him she was fired. There is no explanation anywhere as to why that would be a reason. Another explanation some give is that her husband was ill. She was replaced by Kasey Rogers who had to wear an uncomfortable dark wig to make her look like Vernon.







April 22, 1994: I got a $900 retroactive cheque from the Board of Ed



Thirty years ago today

            On Friday I took my daughter to work with me at Central Technical School, but there were so few students there to draw me that Steve Timmins let us go an hour early. We went to the Toronto Board of Education where I picked up my paycheque plus a retroactive cheque for over $900. I went to Ontario Hydro and paid my full bill. My daughter fell asleep on the streetcar ride home and I put her to bed. In the afternoon Tom Smarda, Steve Lowe and Arjan came over and we did a three hour rehearsal of my songs for our May 11 feature at Fat Alberts. My daughter woke up around the time we were finishing.

Sunday 21 April 2024

Cheryl Holdridge


            On Saturday morning I memorized the first verse of “J'ai pleuré le Yang-Tsé” (My Tears Flood the Yangtze) by Serge Gainsbourg. 
            I played my Kramer electric guitar during song practice for the second of two sessions. 
            I weighed 86.5 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since last Saturday. 
            Around midday I went to Vina Pharmacy to ask them to fax my doctor to ask him to renew my Betaderm prescription. 
           Then I went to No Frills where I bought three bags of red grapes, two bags of green grapes, bananas, pork ribs, a pack of pork chops, two artisan naan, dental floss, three bags of skim milk, chili sauce, a container of skyr, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s ketchup chips. 
            I weighed 87 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of limeade. I’m getting tired of limeade so I think I’ll find something else to drink. 
            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 
            I weighed 86.3 kilos at 17:15. 
            I tried to post my blog but Blogger was down. 
            I compared the video of my August 16 song practice performance of “Joanna Dances Lightly” to that of September 7. I think August 16 is more expressive and brighter. I compared September 11 to August 16 and found September 11 to look better and I also played it at a better with a slower tempo. I compared September 13 to September 11 and September 11 has much better light, plus it’s already synchronized in Movie Maker. Now I have the French and English acoustic versions of that song that I will upload to YouTube. Next I have to review the electric versions. 
            I compared my August 13 and 17 electric performances of “Joanna”. August 17 looks better and I play better but there is way too much traffic noise and so for now August 13 wins. 
            Blogger was back up again after half an hour. 
            I made pizza on naan with Basilica sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 1, episodes 9 and 10 of Bewitched
            In the first story a junior high school student named Liza who is writing a paper on advertizing calls Darrin to ask for an interview. When she comes over she turns out to be very well developed and gorgeous. On Saturday morning Darrin takes Liza on a tour of the advertizing firm where he works. After they leave in Darrin’s car Liza’s musclebound and very jealous young boyfriend Monster knocks on Samantha’s door. He says he has a date with Liza every Saturday but she broke this one to go shopping with her mother. He says she has a father complex and is obsessed with older men and that is why he is going to break Darrin in half. Samantha spends the day feeding Monster so as to subdue his anger. Meanwhile Liza is in Darrin’s office and coming on very strong. Darrin has to fight her off and take charge. By the time they get back to Darrin’s place Monster is no longer obsessed with Liza now that he has spent the day with Samantha and understands the appeal of an older woman. Suddenly Liza in interested in Monster and she tells him that Darrin came on to her. He goes to punch Darrin but Samantha puts up a very hard invisible barrier and Monster hurts his hand. Now Liza is mad at Darrin and slaps his face. Darrin wonders why Samantha protected him from Monster but let Liza slap him. She answers that it was the least she could do. 
            In the second story Samantha learns that her father Maurice is coming to see her. He has learned that she is married and thinks her husband is a warlock. He is dead set against mixed marriages and has a violent temper. When Darrin calls Samantha from a phone booth she locks him inside to keep him from coming home. When Maurice arrives Samantha lets him believe that Darrin is a warlock. But then he finds a picture of Darrin in a military uniform and finds medicine with Darrin’s name on it. Two things a warlock would never do is join the military or need medicine. Samantha admits that Darrin is mortal and Maurice says he will annul the marriage forever. Before Darrin enters the house Endora turns him into the evening paper to protect him. Maurice takes the paper and tosses it into the fire. Samantha rescues it and turns Darrin back. Darrin stands up to Samantha’s father and Maurice is impressed. He tells Samantha she picked a good one and that he almost feels sorry but he makes Darrin disappear. Endora threatens to move in with Maurice if he doesn’t bring Darrin back. It takes him all his concentration but he finally manages to rematerialize Darrin. They have dinner and Maurice conjures up a bottle of Chanson du Mer 59. Darrin one ups him because he already has a bottle of Chanson du Mer 53. Maurice is impressed and wonders if Darrin isn’t a warlock after all. 
            In the first story Liza was played by Cheryl Holdridge, who made her professional dancing debut in 1953 at the age of nine with the New York City Ballet in The Nutcracker. She became a Mouseketeer in the Mickey Mouse Club show’s second season and was good friends with Annette Funicello. She was cast as Betty in the unsold 1962 pilot of the sitcom Life with Archie based on the comic books.













April 21, 1994: My daughter and I just hung around the house all day


Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday my daughter and I just hung around the house all day. She didn’t go to sleep until after midnight.

Saturday 20 April 2024

Robot Maidens in Heaven


            On Friday morning I skipped my usual translation work and shortened my song practice so I could get started earlier on the final stretch of my essay. 
            I weighed 87.6 kilos before breakfast. 
            I entered the final day of working on my last academic paper at 8:20, with fifteen and a half hours before the deadline. 
            I weighed 86.7 kilos before lunch. My paper was only seven pages too long at that point. 
            I pulled my essay together a little after 23:30 but by the time I adjusted the citations it was about 23:50. I wanted to change the name of the document but I kept getting a message that the file was open, even though it wasn’t. Finally I had to shut down Windows Explorer and re-open it for it to recognize that the document wasn’t open. It was a little after 23:55 when I handed in the paper, so I was still on time. Professor Ballot wanted me to send her a note when I handed it in to remind her that she’d granted me an extension. I think the note sending option is there before the submission window is used and I was in such a rush that I didn’t do it then. After submitting an assignment the note option is no longer there and so I just sent her an email. Here’s my essay: 

                     Consolation by Substitution in “Pearl” Versus Love in Siân Hughes’s Pearl 

         Just climb on your tears and be silent / like a rose on its ladder of thorns - Leonard Cohen 

            In the anonymously written Medieval poem “Pearl” consolation is offered to the mourning Jeweller over the span of a dream. By contrast, in the novel Pearl by Siân Hughes, the grieving process experienced by the narrator Marianne unfolds over decades in an agonizingly sorrowful bildungsroman that takes decades for her to arrive at consolation. The Jeweller’s consolation is to find the one he mourns transformed into a holy being in Heaven. Marianne is simply consoled by realizing that she is loved by the one she lost. Of these two approaches, the longer, less dogmatic and far more organic journey of Marianne is more convincing and more satisfying than the radiant but cold consolation that is contrived within the beautifully structured masterpiece that is “Pearl”. 
            The magnificent architecture of the poem “Pearl” is designed to simulate a mystical experience. I will briefly outline how some of the carefully placed elements such as metaphor and homonyms serve to make up a poetic machine that elevates the Jeweller to a window tour of transcendence. But I will also point out that while the poem succeeds at revelation, it mostly fails at consolation. I will then show how such a failure of consolation is not unique to “Pearl”, as 1,000 years before it St. Paulinus of Nola wrote a poem with strikingly similar imagery that fails as a Consolatio but excels as a theological treatise. The theology of the poem “Pearl” will be contrasted with the non-institutional Paganism of the Siân Hughes novel Pearl. I will also point out the parallels between the two works, such as how rivers are used as metaphorical barriers between life and death in both stories; how the mourned mother Margaret in the novel Pearl is also in mourning; how her mourning is tied with the ancient children’s mourning game, “Green Gravel”; and how the lost loved ones in each work come to represent spiritual ideals for the mourners. Finally I will compare the consolations that each work offers and prove how the poem “Pearl”, however magnificent it is as a work of art, falls short as a cure for grief. 
            In the 14th Century poem “Pearl”, while grieving his dead daughter, the Jeweller falls asleep on her grave and has a dream that leads to finding not only his lost Pearl but also to witnessing manifestations of religious ideals for which the pearl gemstone serves as a metaphor. Metaphor according to Kerilyn Harkaway-Krieger is the means by which mysticism manifests itself in language (Harkaway). It serves as a tool to express the connectedness of opposites such as singularity and multiplicity; and materiality and spirituality. The metaphor-wealthy language of “Pearl” uses carefully placed repetitions of words that have different meanings in other contexts. The poetic dance of the contrasting nuances of these paronomasia bring together and thereby create tensions that turn over the engine of paradox between connotations both familiar and mysterious. These in a sense cancel each other out but leave behind the same word, now charged with the Unknown. This serves to disorient readers and put them off their guard to be more open to deeper levels of meaning, such as the suggestion of the existence of a world beyond space and time. 
            In addition to creating this sense of the otherworldly, the “Pearl Poet” also binds these groupings of words together in a system of poetic concatenation that forms a web running through the poem, weaving all of the meanings into an overall sense of “the inter-connectedness of all things” (Harkaway).
            The primary connector in “Pearl” is the word “pearl” itself, which is used as a type of stairway of metaphors leading to the infinite. The pearl is introduced as the rare gemstone that has been lost; then the lost pearl is revealed to be the narrator’s dead daughter; then in the dream pearls are first presented as the common strewn gravel foundation of a higher world; then pearls serve as the organized adornment of the speaker’s found but now heavenly daughter; then the pearl is shown to be that essence of human life and consciousness that many call the “soul”; and finally at the top of the ladder of pearl symbolism is the City of God Jerusalem, which is also a pearl decorated with pearls. This higher metaphor represented by the word “pearl” that the Jeweller retrieves from his mystical experience ultimately serves as a false consolation by way of substitution in his mourning process. It replaces his deceased Pearl with the transcendent ideal of achieving the City of God that is also represented in metaphor by the pearl gemstone, and which is ruled by Christ. But while the mystical experience of “Pearl” may serve as an alternative to mourning, it is not consolation. 
            In his short essay “Pearl As A Consolatio”, V.E. Watts offers the view that “the only cause of the father’s consolation is the vision of his daughter’s blessed life in heaven” but that her speech to the Jeweller consists of “theological treatise and exhortation” rather than consolatio. He points out that St. Paulinus of Nola's “Carmen” xxxi addressed to Pneumaitius and his wife Fidelis on the death of their young son Celsus presents a remarkable parallel to Pearl (Watts). Indeed, Pearl’s arguments to the Jeweller as she rebukes her father for mourning her are strikingly similar to those written by Paulinus one thousand years before, right down to the reference to the procession of virgins before the Lamb: 
            In verse 43 he harshly urges, “Devoted parents, please stop sinning with all these tears. You risk making devotion a moral failure. To grieve for a blessed soul out of devotion is disloyal. Vicious is love that weeps for a person who is now rejoicing with God” (Paulinas 1). This is echoed in “Pearl” when the Jeweller’s dead daughter says, “Sir, your conclusion is mislaid / To say your pearl has fled away / That is in such a casket laid / As in this gracious garden gay / To dwell in joy in endless day / Never can loss or grief come near / T’would seem, for any jeweller (256-265). 
            In another parallel with “Pearl”, after a long religious lesson, in verse 579 Paulinas offers the consolation, “Believe that Celsus, whom you jointly love, is enjoying the milk and honey of the living in the light of heaven… he is playing in a scented glade, weaving garlands as rewards for the martyrs’ glory. He will mingle with such as these, and accompany the Lamb who is King, a child newly joined to the bands of virgins (Paulinas 2). Compare this to “Pearl”: “A great procession from that town / Of virgins in the self same guise / As my beloved in her gown… The Lamb before did proudly pass (Pearl 1098-1100, 1110). 
           “Pearl” is certainly a Christian poem, while the novel Pearl makes very little reference to Christianity and touches more often on elements that would be considered Pagan in origin. Marianne’s lost mother Margaret was at least unconsciously Pagan or Wiccan and her mourning daughter connects with her through the memory of Margaret’s animistic interactions with nature such as saluting single magpies and asking a tree’s permission before cutting, her playful communications with “the little people” and her love, “for their usefulness, their colour, their history”, of ancient folk songs and fairy stories (Hughes 50, 154)(Wicca). 
            One of Margaret’s stories is about the fairy changeling. Fairies would kidnap new mothers to nurse fairy babies but they would also replace human babies with fairy copies or changelings and hold the originals hostage in the fairy realm (Hughes 50-51)(Changeling). This speaks to Marianne’s sense of feeling displaced by her mother’s disappearance, as does another story that Margaret told her about The Green Children, which is better known as “The Green Children of Woolpit”, which some claim was a visitation from the fairy realm or green world (Hughes 61)(John Clark). When Marianne is young, at the beginning of her mother’s disappearance, she wonders if she had been spirited away to fairy land (51). 
            The idea of a fairy realm where the people have green skin as depicted in stories told by Margaret in the novel Pearl, shows one of the parallels with the dream world in the poem “Pearl”. When the Jeweller first begins to wander in his dream he encounters, “tree-trunks blue as indigo / Like silver, each leaf /” and birds whose wingbeats make notes like the playing of a guitar (77-78, 90-95). There is something fairy like about the woods through which the Jeweller wanders before he reaches the stream and sees his lost child. 
            Margaret’s own lost child and her mourning for him is the strongest similarity she shares with the Jeweller. In both stories there is a stream separating the grieving parent from their dead child that would be dangerous to cross (Hughes 213)(Pearl 108). He cannot cross over and when he tries it causes him to wake up in the mortal world. The adult Marianne speculates that her mother Margaret must have died crossing the river to reach the son she was mourning. Based on the time of year that she disappeared and on information that has bubbled up about Margaret’s still-born child Jonathan and his time of birth, she pieces together the scenario that she thinks unfolded. Margaret was so tired and happy caring for her newborn child and her daughter that she had missed Jonathan’s birthday. “The horror of forgetting and then remembering… tore her from her happiness and sent her to the river” (Hughes 216-217). “She does not want to leave any of her children behind… but one of them is on the other side of that river” (214). She tries to wade through “the floodwater, heading for the chapel on the other side” (Hughes 212-213) This is parallel with the part of the poem “Pearl” in which the Jeweller sees his Pearl on the other side and ventures into the water to reach her. Marianne imagines that her mother sees a similar vision of her “angel child on the other bank who has grown into a ten-year-old child like Pearl, “dressed in the white clothes of the angels… He is telling her to… go back to the garden, keep safely to your side of the stream. He urges her to go back to her garden and back to the reality of life without him (Hughes 213). But she feels as the Jeweller does, “Sheer frenzy stole my mind away / Seeing her, I would fain draw near / Though o'er that water she must stay / … That none could keep me from my dear / Though with my life I needs must pay” (1154-1156, 1159-1160). The Pearl mourner has the good fortune to have been only dreaming or to have outside forces send him back. Margaret is not so lucky and drowns in her desperate attempt to cross to the son she is mourning. 
            Margaret’s mourning is only indirectly expressed to Marianne through the song known as “Green Gravel”. Marianne knows that the word “gravel” as it is used in the song is a corruption of the word “grave” (Hughes 15). “Green Gravel” is sung as part of a children’s game that is a dramatization of mourning. The selected leader of each “Green Gravel” game is called “The Mother” and she joins the other girls as they join hands and dance in a ring. After one cycle that ends with, “I’ll write down your name in a gold pen and ink”, the Mother calls out the name of one of the girls in the circle. “As each girl is named, she turns her back on the ring and covers her face with her hands; the game then goes on without her” (Green Gravel). 
            There is little doubt that as a traditional children’s song, “Green Gravel” long predates its 19th Century publication. It is likely that the “Pearl” poet would have been familiar with some form of the song, and given the abundance of puns in the poem, uses the word “gravel” not only in the sense of a covering of small stones but also as a corruption of “grave” as it is used in “Green Gravel”. And so after the Jeweller goes to sleep on Pearl’s grave and dreams that he is walking upon pearl gravel, he is also walking upon the grave of Pearl that is now transformed into a pathway to Paradise (82-83). 
            “I was remembering my mother singing “Green Gravel” and I knew now who she was singing it for. A burial song for a new baby, washed in new milk and wrapped in silk, his name a secret no one would ever say out loud again, written down in gold ink and buried with him in the Green Chapel where we used to go and light a candle… I had known all my life that when I met my mother again, and neither of us was recognizable, this was the song I had to sing to let her know it was me. This was the song that had to be sung in a particular way at the Green Chapel to appease the dead. At the Green Chapel… where she went into the water” and disappeared (114-115). 
            In Margaret’s absence she comes to represent Marianne’s spiritual ideals just as the grieved-after child in the poem “Pearl” is elevated to becoming a religious icon for the Jeweller. In each case the lost loved one communicates in a vision or dream but the two encounters are very different in character. In the poem the resurrected Pearl child is distant, formal and critical of the Jeweller. By contrast, at the end of the novel, Marianne’s experience of connection with her mother is one of closeness, warm affection and care. In both cases consolation is given, but again the solaces offered in each instance are of a much different nature. In Marianne’s case her mother comes to her as a ghost or in a dream. “I felt her climb into the bed next to me (219)… I felt her hand on my chest, lightly, as if she could draw out a bruise by levitation… Her arms went round me, and my breath came back to me in a sudden wave… She said to me, “There’s nothing the matter with you heart, Marianne. It’s not broken.” And I realized she was right….” Her embrace tells Marianne that everything is okay (220). Marianne also realizes that everything Margaret left behind was a love letter to her family. “The songs she left in my head, the fairy tales, the skipping rhymes, conversations with the dead... Everything about my life until the day she disappeared was evidence of happiness… The note said: I will be there when the baby wakes up” (218- 219). These evidences of her mother’s love are Marianne’s consolations. 
           The Jeweller has his first level of consolation, although it is not enough for him, before he enters his visionary dream. He speaks of his Pearl being an organic body that is part of the cycle of life. The pearl is no longer a jewel in this analogy but a seed. “Flower and fruit can ne'er be dead / Where that pearl slipped into the clay / For grass will grow from seed once shed / Or grain could not be stored away / And good will always good repay / This comely seed shall perish not / And spices will their fruit display / From that dear pearl without a spot” (29-36). He falls upon her grave distraught but is also overwhelmed by the fragrance of the flora that is a product of her grave. He already has a sense of consolation from the continuing life that reveals itself through the fragrance and yet he is still in mourning. 
            The Jeweller’s primary consolation begins with a very controlled encounter with his dead child, as the stream between life and death maintains a distance that his transformed Pearl shows no desire to close. They have a dialogue during which she tells him that his mortal perspective and his desire to reunite with her is arrogant and that he is crazy to think he can cross over. She informs him that she is now married to Christ and he must accept his loss. But she says he also must become purified to gain what she has won by dying as a spotless innocent (257-325). 
            The Jeweller’s final consolation comes to him sometime after he wakes from his dream. “I stretch, and all my hope expires / And sighing, to myself I say / Let it be as my Prince desires / It stole my senses clean away / To be thrust from that heavenly place” (1174-1178). The first thing he mourns then is the loss of Paradise. He is not mourning his daughter at this point. When he thinks of her next he thinks of the lessons she gave him. “'O pearl,' I cried, 'of Heaven's race / I hold all dear that you did say / … Happy am I in dungeon's space / That you are as the Prince desires” (1182-1183, 1187-1188). His consolation for the death of his daughter is complete at this point. His mourning her is supplanted by his desire to gain the soul-pearl that his daughter achieved. He mourns the fact that he did not follow god’s desires. But then starting in line 1201 it seems time has passed and he is now on a path of obedience: “To please the Prince and him requite / Is easy for the Christian man / For I have found him day and night / A God, a Lord, who ever can / Upon this hill me guide aright / … To make us each God's artisan / Those precious pearls my Prince desires” (1201-1204, 1211-1212). 
            The transformed Pearl who the Jeweller meets in his dream vision is not the same as his daughter who died. She has been replaced by an older, more eloquent and higher status version of herself. Comparing this to the consolation that Marianne receives from her mother Margaret, it feels distant, cold and unsatisfying. Marianne’s experience is one of receiving love, closeness and warmth from the mother that she lost. These are the elements from which consolation are constructed. Even the scenario described by St. Paulinas of Nola in the poem from which the “Pearl” poet borrows, showing the eight year old Celsus playing like an eight year old while eternally happy in Heaven, presents somewhat more consolation than the vision of a blissful robot maiden orbiting Jesus forever in Paradise. Even the organic and fulfilling experience of the physical communication of care from a loved one after they have died such as happens for Marianne is not likely to occur in reality. However, it can take place voluptuously in the imagination, but only after time has put distance between the mourner and their grief. As Marianne says, “All I did was stick around long enough for it to happen” (206-207).

                                                                 Works Cited 

Anonymous. Pearl. Translated by William Graham Stanton, Writers Tutorial Publications, 2024, PDF 
            download.

Changeling. Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 22 March, 2024,
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changeling 

Clark, John. “Small, Vulnerable ETs”: The Green Children of Woolpit, SF-TH Inc, 2006, JSTOR

“Green Gravel”. Mainly Norfolk: English Folk and Other Good Music
            https://mainlynorfolk.info/folk/songs/greengravel.html 

Kerilyn Harkaway-Krieger. “Mysticism and Materiality: Pearl and the Theology of Metaphor” 

Paulinas. Selections from the Poems of Paulinus of Nola, including the Correspondence with Ausonius:
            Introduction, Translation, and Commentary, translated by Alex Dressler, Dokumen Pub,
            https://dokumen.pub/selections-from-the-poems-of-paulinus-of-nola-including-the-
            correspondence-with-ausonius-introduction-translation-and-commentary-1nbsped-1138561355-
            9781138561359-2022047441-2022047442-9781032458243-9780203710845.html 

Paulinas. The Poems of St. Paulinus of Nola, Translated by P.G. Walsh, 

Wicca. Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 10 April, 2024,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wicca#:~:text=Many%20Wiccans%20also%20adopt%20a,loci%2C%20fairies%2C%20and%20elementals.