Did Goober Invent Swamp Thing?

            On Tuesday morning I finished editing my translation of "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg in Christian's Translations and published it in the blog. Tomorrow I'll finish posting it and start learning his song "Relax Baby Be Cool." 

            I weighed 89.5 kilos before breakfast. In the late morning I took a steel brush, copper wool and a scraper to my oven rack and got most of the black, caked in grease off. I didn't take a "before" picture but there wasn't much metal showing through before. When I'm brushing black caked in grease from things it sends bits of black flying all over the counter and stove, so I had to stop and wipe all that up twice. There's still some black stuff close to the intersections of the metal rods but it should only take one more session to get the whole thing clean and then move on to cleaning the storage tray under the stove. 

            I washed a pair of shorts and put them out on the deck to dry. Half an hour later I brought them back inside just as it was starting to rain. It rained last time I washed my shorts as well, so it's possible that I have the ability to make it rain. 

            I weighed 89 kilos before lunch. I had kettle chips, salsa and yogourt with a glass of orange juice.

            In the afternoon, just before I was going to go for a bike ride it started raining again. I decided to take that opportunity, since I was already dressed, to walk over to Freedom Mobile and pay for my July phone plan. But the clerk's computer went down just as he was looking up my number and so I had to wait five minutes. When I got home it had stopped raining but it was too late for a bike ride all the way downtown, so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor. It rained a bit again while I was riding. 

            I weighed 89.2 kilos at 17:30. 

            I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug." 

            I spent almost an hour tearing my old brown leather jacket along the seams, removing the lining and breaking it up into flat pieces. The plan is to use the pieces to cover my guitar amp and run wires from it to my Martian Bouquet sculpture on top to make it look a like a surreal electroshock therapy machine made of skin and rusted metal for the video I'm making for my song "Instructions For Electroshock Therapy." Maybe I'll try putting some red bike flashers inside of the sculpture while I'm shooting the video. The next few sessions of this project will be spent figuring out how to wrap the amp in leather in a way that looks sinister but not silly. 

            I colourized three more damage spots in my skateboarder photo. 

            I scanned the rest of the negatives from the roll I shot at the time of my daughter's birth and another set from the few weeks after, which includes some nice photos of Astrid's mother Nancy. 

            I had a potato with gravy and my last two chicken drumsticks while watching two episodes of "Mayberry R.F.D." 

            In the first story journalism students from the Mayberry high school are given the assignment of conducting interviews with city officials. A student named Nancy has been assigned City Councillor Sam Jones and she is expecting an old man, but when she sees him she immediately develops a crush. She begins to obsess over him and follow him around. He wants to tell her bluntly to leave him alone but both Millie and Howard agree that such an approach could cause psychological damage. Howard took a psychology course in college and he goes over his old textbooks to try to find a solution. He finds inspiration on the topic by reading about Pavlov's dogs and concludes that Nancy's crush on Sam is a conditioned response and that the way to counteract it is to replace it with another stimulous, preferably provided by a boy her own age. A picnic is organized and Emmett's athletic nephew Pete is invited, but Nancy doesn't seem impressed with Pete. Howard takes Nancy aside and tries to explain the psychology behind her feelings but the result is that she transfers her infatuation to Howard. Finally Howard just tells her to leave him alone and she finally ends up with Pete. 

            Nancy was played by Darleen Carr, who was the voice of the girl in The Jungle Book, she played Jeannie Stone the daughter of Karl Malden's character on The Streets of San Francisco, she dubbed some of the singing in The Sound of Music. She played Kathy on the John Forsyth Show, Cindy Smith on The Smith Family and was a regular on Dean Martin Presents: The Gold Diggers. She was the star of the short lived sitcom "Miss Winslow and Son." She played Ambassador E'Tyshra on Deep Space Nine. She was nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance in "Once An Eagle." In 1982 her two year old had a blood transfusion that may have been tainted with HIV resulting in his death six months later. Initially the Cedars-Sinai hospital claimed he died of a genetic immune deficiency but later admitted that he may have died of AIDS. 

            In the second story the Mayberians learn that a couple have moved into the Davidson house, but only for three months. Goober meets Frank Wylie when he stops for gas and learns he's a professional writer seeking a change of scenery for inspiration. When Aunt Bee learns that a professional writer is in town she invites him to speak at her book club. Audrey Wylie accepts on Frank's behalf. Suddenly several new people want to join the club but the members, including Howard, reject Goober's request because he's never read anything more than comic books in all his life. The next scene provides the ironic revelation that Frank Wylie is a comic book writer. Frank is still suffering from writer's block when he goes to get gas and Goober tells him his idea of a comic book in which the monster is the hero. When Frank comes to speak at the book club Goober comes as well. Frank surprises the club when he says he and Goober are collaborating and Goober gives a talk on the importance of characters with motivation. Audrey was played by Emmaline Henry, who played Amanda Bellows on "I Dream of Jeannie". 

            Goober's idea on this 1969 show of a swamp monster who is a hero is strikingly similar to what became the hit comic Swamp Thing two years later. I wonder if comic book writer Len Wein at least unconsciously got the idea from this episode.

June 30, 1991: Nancy said she lied when she said she loved me and I wanted to hit her

Thirty years ago today 

            Sunday was my first day off for a week and I wanted to go and check out lawn sales. But by the time Nancy was ready it was after 15:00 and so we just went for a walk with the baby. We went up to Kennedy and Steeles to Cullen Country Barns because Nancy remembered they had an ice cream parlour there, but it was gone. The baby started crying and so we walked her around but she didn't stop. We found a spot on the grass where Nancy fed her. Then we went into the building next door and found a food mall where I had a caesar, fries with sour cream and a shake. Nancy and I argued about our relationship. She told me that she'd lied when she said she loved me and I wanted to hit her. I took the baby back to Nancy's place alone because she wanted to do a fast paced walk.

Ned Glass

            On Monday morning I memorized the fourth verse and second chorus of "Le java des chaussettes à clous" (The Dance of the Studded Stockings) by Boris Vian. 

            I finished working out the chords for "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg and ran through it in French and English. Tomorrow I'll upload it to Christian's Translations. 

            I weighed 90.1 kilos before breakfast, I guess because of the pizza I had the night before. 

            In the late morning I finally finished cleaning the black off my oven door. Now both the oven and the door are done but I still have to clean the rack, which might take at least the next session. After that it will be the under-tray and all of the pots and that are stored there. Then I have to wash the floor under and behind the stove. I think I might be spending most of July cleaning the kitchen shelves and the areas under the sink before I finally return to my floor scrubbing project. 

            I weighed 89.4 kilos before lunch. I had kettle chips, salsa and yogourt with a glass of orange juice. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. It was quite hot outside and a bit of an adjustment since it was quite comfortably warm and breezy in my apartment all day. I weighed 88.7 kilos when I got back. 

            I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug." 

            I looked again at my video project for my song "Instructions For Electroshock Therapy" and the part in the concert video where my mouth is forming "flick the switch" doesn't seem as uncomfortably different from the studio audio where I sing "turn the switch" as I'd previously thought. So the two parts are synchronized for "Now turn the switch the light is green" and for the first half of "Why don't we wait now to warm up the machine?" They fall apart at "warm up the machine" and so I definitely need video of the machine for a few seconds. I found footage of a shock therapy machine from the 1940s but it looks aesthetically boring, as it's just a metal box with dials and switches. I have the idea to try to continue using my sculptures in the video and to perhaps find a way to make my "Martian Bouquet" sculpture as part of the machine. I mounted it on top of my Jazz Chorus amp but I need it not to be obvious that it's an amplifier while still showing switches and dials. I tried covering it in aluminium foil but it just looked silly. I ripped off a section of my old brown leather jacket and the brown leather looks quite good against the rusted sculpture. I'll try to add more leather to make it look like a leather and rusted metal machine, which might create the sinister effect I'm looking for. If not I can always use the old shock machine footage but the old stuff fits better when it's showing the actual procedure rather than the machinery. 

            I colourized three more damage spots in my skateboarder photo.

            I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching two episodes of Mayberry RFD.

            In the first story Emmett is about to turn fifty and after Goober and Howard start to tease him about growing old he begins to feel old and doesn't want Martha to throw him a party. But when Millie is waiting in Emmett's fix-it shop for her hair dryer to be repaired she looks at pictures of Cary Grant in a movie magazine and tells Emmett she has a crush on him. She mentions the photos of Cary kissing Sophia Loren and Elizabeth Taylor but Emmett comments that age will catch up to him. Millie surprises Emmett by pointing out that Cary Grant is over sixty and suddenly Emmett's attitude about aging changes. If Cary Grant can be a sex symbol at sixty then fifty is nothing. He tells Martha to throw the party af6ter all and Emmett is the life of it. The next day he's sore and regretful but Sam tells him he should stop trying so hard and just enjoy every stage of life. 

            The thing is Emmett looks much older than fifty and in fact Paul Hartman, who played him, was actually 64 at the time this show was shot. 

            In the second story, at the county fair a former Hollywood agent named Roscoe March has booked the dog act that is entertaining the crowd. But then when he sees the Miss Farmerette pageant and the crowning of Millie Swanson, he thinks he's found his ticket to get back on top. Millie is reluctant but she agrees to let Roscoe send some home movie footage of her to a Hollywood producer. The producer is impressed and gives Millie an audition for a Civil War film being shot in Richmond, Virginia. Millie flies there but it turns out she can't act. Roscoe takes Millie and Sam to lunch and tells them he is about to give up when he goes to pay the bill and suddenly sees a potential star working the cash. It turns out that this time he is right and the woman gets the part. 

            The cashier was played by Teri Garr, who had previously appeared in a non-speaking role near the end of the Andy Griffith Show. This time she got to talk. 

            Roscoe was played by Ned Glass, who started out in Vaudeville and played small parts on Broadway. He was also a theatrical production superviser. He signed with MGM in 1937 and until 1953 he just had small parts in films. He was blacklisted from movies in the 1950s. He got better parts when he started working in television, guesting on several popular shows. He was nominated for an Emmy for his appearance on "Julia" and another for "Bridget Loves Bernie." His best role is considered to be as a crook in the movie "Charade."

June 29, 1991: Susan laughed at my viewpoint as if she had one of her own

Thirty years ago today

            On Friday night at Chi Chi's while Nancy and her sister Susan were in the washroom my friend Mike Copping argued with me about my tone of voice. Susan had laughed at my viewpoint as if she had one of her own. The night was a disaster and I was really pissed off at Nancy for her lack of communication and for forcing us into this situation. 

            On Saturday morning I waited an hour for Dave at the job site at Queen and Roncesvalles before he arrived. The job was a one flight walk down and Calvin didn't show up, so Tony came with his bad back and a friend to take Calvin's place. There were lots of boxes. We finished loading after 14:00 and had lunch, then we drove up to Tottenham where the customer had bought a big piece of property. We got a $10 tip each and on the way back we stopped at Dairy Queen. I took pictures from the truck as we drove south back to Toronto. 

            Later Nancy and I took a long walk with the baby.

Ken Berry

            On Sunday morning when I closed down one document to work on another one Open Office froze and so I had to restart. 

            I worked out the chords to all but the final verse of "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg. Since I'm following his voice and not the instruments the chords seem to be slightly different for every verse. 

            I weighed 89.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning I worked on cleaning the black off my oven door and was able to scrape all of the main, flat surfaces clean. All that's left are parts that curve up perpendicular to the flat parts and which are vertical when the oven door is fully open. It shouldn't take me long to get the rest off in my next session and then I have to clean all the caked in grease off the oven rack.

            I weighed 89.2 kilos before lunch. I had Ritz crackers with five year old cheddar and a glass of limeade. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. All the patios seem to be open now and I don't see any of the customers wearing masks. 

            When I get beside buses I hear the recorded message reminding passengers to keep a safe distance from "the vehicle operator". So there are no longer any bus drivers. I guess I am no longer a cyclist but rather a "bicycle operator"; guitarists are "instrument operators"; singers are "musical voice operators"; and sex trade workers are "genitalia operators." 

            I noticed that there is a fence up at Trinity Bellwoods Park with "No Tresspassing" signs and as I passed I looked and didn't see any tents. When I got home I looked it up and saw that a few days ago there was a scuffle when the cops closed in to move the tent residents out. From what I understand the law states that they can't tear down tents unless they have alternative accomodation for the residents and it seems that shelters and hotels were offered to everyone, with the addition of workers to take them on as clients towards more permanent housing. Of course the cops made the situation heavier than it should have been. 

            I weighed 88.6 kilos after my bike ride. 

            I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug."

            I edited my video project for my song "Instructions for Electroshock Therapy". I cut out tiny bits of the video of the cord being plugged into my "Pipe Dream" sculpture until the concert video and studio recording are synchronized when I begin singing, "Turn the switch, the light is green." The problem is that I don't say "turn" in the concert video, but something more appropriate like "flick". The result is that though it's lined up at "switch, the light is green", my mouth doesn't look like it's forming "turn" and so it looks a bit odd. So I might have to add a brief video of a switch being turned or flicked before lining it up again at "switch." 

            I colourized three of the white damage spots scattered throughout my skateboarder photo. 

            I made pizza on naan with Bolognese sauce, rapini parmigiano sausage and cheddar cheese. I had it with a beer while watching two episodes of Mayberry RFD. 

            In the first story Mike is going through a phase of forgetfulness and has been losing important items, such as two jackets in the last ten days. There is a professional baseball game coming to town and everyone including Mike is looking forward to it. Sam tells Mike that if he loses one more thing he won't be able to see the game. But that very afternoon Mike is in a field playing baseball and when it's his turn at bat he takes his watch off for safe keeping. Later when he and Arnold go to Goober's filling station for pop Mike realizes he doesn't have his watch. Mike, Goober and Arnold go back to the field to look but they can't find the time piece. Mike confesses to his father and accepts his fate. Since this game is such a rare event both Goober and Emmett are mad at Sam for being so strict. Sam feels guilty and goes to see Andy, who tells him a story about a man whose kid kept coming home late and so he told him if it happened again he wouldn't be able to go for his first Scout camping trip. The kid was late again but the father turned the clock back so it only looked like it was almost late. Sam decides to buy another watch and to hide it in the field and then takes Mike to look for it. He finds the watch and so Sam lets him go to the game. Mike takes his baseball glove to the game and inside he finds his original watch. 

            In the second story Sam drives Aunt Bee to Mount Pilot to buy some fabric. He turns a corner and is stopped by a cop who gives him a ticket for not signalling. Both Sam and Bee are sure he signalled but it's only a $5 fine and Sam wants to pay and get it over with. But Bee insists that he take it to court. They bring Goober as an expert witness and he offers testimony that there is nothing wrong with Sam's signal. But the judge accepts the cop's testimony because he is trained to notice these kinds of things. Sam is found guilty and pays the fine. Later however Sam notices something and heads back to Mount Pilot. He somehow gets both the judge and the cop to look at a demonstration. It is exactly the time of day as when Sam was first stopped. Sam turns on his signal for the judge and the cop but they can't see it flash. Sam explains that the sun is washing the light out and proves it by blocking the sun to show his signal is working. The judge tells Sam his $5 will be returned. 

            Sam was played by Ken Berry, who started out as a dancer and continued to entertain in that way in the army. His sergeant was Leonard Nimoy, who advised him to go to Hollywood. He worked for Abbot and Costello as part of their stage act and provided song and dance routines between performances by Andy Griffith and Jerry Van Dyke. He became a frequent guest on The Carol Burnett Show. He played Woody the bellhop on the Ann Southern Show. He played Dr Kapish as comic relief on the drama Dr Kildare. His first sitcom was "F-Troop", after which he starred in "Mayberry RFD". Later he co-starred in "Mama's Family." He was funny on "F-Troop" but he was not a good match to replace Andy Griffith while trying to imitate Griffith's comedy style. It might have worked if his efforts on Mayberry RFD had been more slapstick and physical. With his abilities he should have aimed more for Dick Van Dyke's mode of humour rather than that of Andy Griffith.

June 28, 1991: Before moving the customer to his new house we jumped in his old pool

Thirty years ago today 

            On Friday morning I was able to walk to work because the site was at Birchmount and Steeles. I met Paul and a new guy named Tony there. The first time Tony and I lifted a piece of furniture together he hurt his back and was close to useless to us for the rest of the day. I had a big tub of frozen yogourt for lunch. When we were almost loaded at around 18:00 I called Mike Copping and asked if he wanted to meet us at the new house to help unload. Before we left the old house we took a swim in their pool. At the new place there were about twenty people milling around in our way. Mike got there at around 17:30.

            Later Mike and I took Nancy, her sister Susan and the baby out to ChiChis where Nancy, Mike and Susan argued with me until Nancy broke down and cried.

Jodie Foster

            On Saturday morning I worked out the chords to the intro and to about half of the first verse of "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            During song practice my Washburn went out of tune a lot but not for every song and sometimes I was able to get through three songs before it went off. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning I took a bike ride. It was overcast and a bit chilly but I warmed up as I got going. When I got back I stopped to pee and then headed out to the supermarket. 

            At No Frills I bought six bags of cherries, two pints of strawberries, a bag of kettle chips, mouthwash, a jug of orange juice and a container of skyr. 

            I weighed 88.3 kilos before lunch. I had saltines and five year old cheddar with a glass of lemonade. I took my usual ninety minute siesta but woke up feeling unusually tired. 

            I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug." 

            I weighed 88.6 kilos at 18:00. 

            I worked on my project of making a video for my song "Instructions For Electroshock Therapy", trying to synchronize the concert footage with the studio recording of me singing, "Now turn the switch, the light is green." I thought at first that I needed to add more of the clip of the cord being plugged into my "Pipe Dream" sculpture in order to get the two parts lined up, but it turned out that I had to remove that and then delete some of the parts where my hand is moving toward the hole to plug in the cord. Once I got it close I quit for the day so I can focus the next time on getting them exactly together. 

            I finished colourizing the bricks in my skateboarder photo. Next I think I will add colour to some interesting white spots that are scattered throughout the image due to damage of the negative. 

            I posted the rest of the photos for my Facebook album "Bedouin Eyes" featuring photos I took in the fall of 1987. 

            I heated a rapini parmigiano sausage and had it on bread with sliced pickle, mustard and habanero sauce. I ate it with a beer while watching two episodes of "Mayberry RFD". 

            In the first story they decide to have a youth day and the three best students are selected to take over the jobs of sheriff, city councillor and county clerk for a few hours. Mike is to go with Andy, Arnold will be with Sam and Martin will be with Howard. The boys' teacher Miss Evans makes sure the boys study their positions well. But Andy, Sam and Howard are not prepared for how well prepared the boys are. They think it will just be a fun day but Mike comes to the sheriff's office with an extensive knowledge of protocal that embarrasses Andy. Arnold points out that Sam's zoning map is out of date and that it must be updated every year. Martin is well versed in the tasks of a county clerk but finds there is nothing to do with no customers. So the boys learned nothing from the day while Andy, Sam and Howard learn not to underestimate the young. They vow to be better prepared next year. 

            Miss Evans was played by Julie McCarthy, who had a few other supporting roles on TV shows.

            Martin was the first black kid we've seen in any Mayberry related show. He was played by Calvin Peeler. 

            Martin's father was played by Charles Lampkin, who played Pops in "Cocoon". 

            In the second story the church charity account is losing money. Their biggest draw has always been the annual church play that has been for the last seventeen years directed by Clara. But Clara puts on boring plays and they do more poorly every year. When Millie shows some knowledge of theatre, Sam asks her to direct the play. She finally accepts and decides to put on Sleeping Beauty. But Clara is bitter about being pushed aside and when she learns that Millie used to be a chorus girl she tries to get Millie fired as an inappropriate role model for children. The pastor is worried but Sam insists on Millie continuing even though he is a little worried himself. But the play goes very well and Millie even adds a chorus type extravaganza for the end after Sleeping Beauty is awakened by Mike as Prince Charming. Mike sings "A Pretty Girl Is Like A Melody" while everyone dances. Even Clara is impressed. 

            The Good Fairy, who casts a counter spell to the Wicked Witch's curse, is played by a six year old blond girl named Jodie Foster. This was her acting debut although she had already modelled and performed in commercials from the age of three, most famously as the little girl in the Coppertone ads. She could read by the age of three and speaks fluent French. She dubs her own voice for French dubs of her movies. She graduated from Yale, having majored in African American Literature. She had recurring roles in the sitcom "The Courtship of Eddie's Father". Her first movies were Disney films and while shooting "Napoleon and Samantha" she was attacked by a lion and carried in its mouth, leaving scars on her back. At fourteen she became famous for her role as a teenage sex trade worker in Taxi Driver. Despite having given a famous coming out speech and having been married to a woman for several years she has never said she was "gay" or a "lesbian."

June 27, 1991: Mike pointed out a woman he thought was my counterpart, but she wasn't

Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday morning I was half an hour late to meet Jim and Bill on the job site in the Junction. There was a pick up from storage and the rest from a one bedroom apartment, all moving into a big house. It was an easy job and we were done by 13:00. 

            I found seven brand new videotapes of Frank Capra's History of World War II. 

            I got a beer. 

            I went to Nancy's for a while and sewed my shorts, then I headed back downtown to 150 York. I was there at 18:00 and Mike Copping showed up at 18:30. It was fun working with Mike again. We worked until around 22:30. 

            We went for Chinese food and a couple of beers and then we checked out the hookers on Church Street. There were lots of good looking women. Mike pointed out a woman whom he thought was my counterpart but she wasn't. 

            He drove me back to Nancy's place.

Pamela Mason

            On Friday morning I finished memorizing "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg and looked for the chords. A few sites had only the one set that say the chords are just G minor and F minor all the way through the verses and the chorus. I'll see if I agree tomorrow. 

            My Washburn seems to go out of tune a little more often every day. It's past the warranty now and so there's no point taking it back to Remenyi. So far it's manageable and doesn't sound horrible during song practice. I think I can still do some recording with it once I get a haircut and a microphone.

            I weighed 89.3 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning after shaving, showering and doing the dishes there was no time for me to work on finishing cleaning the oven door. So I just washed a pair of shorts and put them out on the deck to dry. 

            I weighed 88.8 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I got an email from Albert Moritz and he said he loved my manuscript. He transferred it to a pdf because the poems on the document I sent him kept shifting up and down. I think it's because it was a Word file revised in Open Office but kept in Word format. He asked if I was okay with sending the manuscript to Exile Editions first and I said that's fine. I like the name "Exile" for a publisher because my poems are outsider poems and also because I've been exiled so much in the Toronto poetry scene. Also I met Exile's founder Barry Calahan about thirty years ago and so it feels like there's some kind of connection. 

            It was raining around the time I would have taken a bike ride and so I stayed home and did some hip exercises while listening to season five, episode four from October 19, 1954 of The Goon Show:

Greenslade: Tonight's broadcast comes to you from an Arab Stench-Recuperating Centre in Stoke Poges. The play is considered unsuitable for people.

Secombe: Tonight, the Goons, with the aid of a calibrated Turkish boot lathe and a portable volcano net, will re-enact a drama of crime. Mr. Greenslade? Tell the eager masses what we have in store for them.

Greenslade: Rubbish.

Secombe: We call it 'The Phantom Head Shaver of Brighton'.

Milligan: It started in Brighton - 1898 - the year of the great Edison Bell.

Secombe: Midnight o'clock and a half quarter - six and seven-eighths or thereabouts! Sleeping peacefully in the Hotel Fred are the delightful young newlyweds Nugent and Mrs. Dirt.

Milligan: Suddenly! From their room we hear...

Mrs Dirt: Oooooo! Help! Oh! Look at his bonce!

Nugent Dirt: Prunella, are you awake, dearest heart?

Mrs Dirt: Get away from me with that dirty big bald head!

Nugent Dirt: Bald head?

FX: Door bursts open

Moriarty: You are waking all the other honeymoon couples up - now what is the trouble?

Mrs Dirt: It's 'im - my husband - look at him.

Moriarty: He appears to be a perfectly normal freak.

Nugent Dirt: If I get off this billiard table I'll strike you down -

Mrs Dirt: You shut up - baldy.

Nugent Dirt: What's all this baldy stuff - I'm not bald.

Moriarty: The madame is right - you are - bald!

Greenslade: Indeed he was hairless. The Phantom Head Shaver had struck. The day after, I, Wallace Greenslade, opened a little tobacco kiosk. It was that week that Nugent Dirt was taken to court by his wife.

Usher: Silence in court! The court will now stand for Judge Schnorrer. Raise yer right hand and yer left leg. Now, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Mrs Dirt: I do.

Ropesock: My client, Mrs. Prunella Dirt, claims that her husband, Nugent Dirt, did deceive her in that during their courting days, right up to their marriage night, he did in fact conceal his baldness from her without her knowledge.

Seagoon: As council for the defence, I think we are straying from the facts. My client is accused of hiding a bald head. He denies this and claims he was shaved in the night with a razor - by person or persons unknown. 

Greenslade: I remember the case because during the recess I did a brisk trade in my little tobacco kiosk - one of my best clients was the defending council, Q.C. Hairy Seagoon. 

Seagoon: [Coughs] Yes, I smoked heavily during the trial. It was one evening as I puffed on my alabaster meershaum pipe that events took a turn in the favour of Nugent Dirt. 

FX: [Knock on door, door opens] 

Seagoon: Oh, a parcel! 

FX: [Paper parcel being opened] 

Seagoon: Good heavens it's human hair - and a note - 'Nugent Dirt is innocent - this hair is his - it was I who balded him while he slept - Signed - The Phantom Head Shaver'! 

Judge Schnorrer: Nugent Dirt - the jury of three just men and twenty-nine criminals finds you guilty of hiding your bald nut from your wife until after you had married her. Therefore - I sentence you to pay a fine of three shillings or do sixty years in the nick. 

Nugent Dirt: I'll do the sixty years - I'm not throwing three bob down the drain. 

Judge Schnorrer: Any last request? Nugent Dirt: Yes - I want to hear 'I can't believe that you're in love with me'. 

Judge Schnorrer: Call Max Geldray. Max Geldray and orchestra: Musical Interlude: 'I can't believe that you're in love with me' 

Seagoon: Stop the case! I have here evidence that will prove my client innocent! This hair is his - I submit it for analysis. 

Judge Schnorrer: Case suspended until the hair is analysed, and proved to be or not to be Nugent Dirt's.

Seagoon: [Coughing] Gad, this tobacco! [Cough] I must tell Mr. Greenslade not to make it so strong.

FX: [Knock on door. Door opens] 

Seagoon: Oh - another parcel? [Sound of paper opening] Good heavens, it's empty! Wait, here's a note. 'Dear Seagoon - I struck again last night - this time I have not sent you the victim's hair - Signed - The Phantom Head Shaver.' 'P.S. If you want to know who the victim is - look in the mirror.' Ahhhhhhhhh - I've been balded - he's balded me! 

Sellers: In the months that followed - the Phantom struck again and again! Fifty men were balded while they slept. 

Milligan: Brighton became a city of terror - the holiday trade was threatened - that year only two gentlemen came to Brighton. 

Churchill: Come on Clem, what've we got to lose? 

Old man: Gentlemen - people aren't coming to Brighton, they're frightened. I ask you to think of an idea that will revive the holiday trade and defeat the Phantom Head Shaver! 

Henry Crun: I suggest that every one entering Brighton be handed a bald wig and that he should sleep in that self-same wig. Minnie Bannister: Rubbish - if all the men wear bald wigs, the Phantom will attack the women. 

Henry Crun: I fear that the ladies, too, will have to wear bald wigs. 

Minnie Bannister: Why should I wear a bald wig - I'm already bald. 

Henry Crun: Wear a bald wig with hair on. 

Milligan: Could I speak to Mr. Seagoon please? 

Seagoon: Hello, Seagoon here. 

Sellers: Forensic Laboratory here. That hair we analysed... It wasn't hair - it was tobacco. 

Seagoon: What? In that case - Ellington, play while I medeetate. Ray Ellington Quartet: [Musical Interlude: 'Skokiaan'] 

Seagoon: By now the position was serious. All told, three hundred men had been balded by the Phantom. [Coughs] I'll go and seek this Phantom myself. Bluebottle? 

Bluebottle: I heard you call, my Capt'in. Enter Bluebottle - pauses for audience applause - as usual not a sausage - strikes defiant bus driver outside garage-pose, but trousers fall down and ruin effect. 

Seagoon: Tonight we ride to track down the Phantom Head Shaver. Are you ready? 

Bluebottle: I am ready, my Capatain - let justice be doned. He will fall under the wrath of my Boys' Wonder mag cardboard sword. Pulls up trousers - tucks in shirt. 

Seagoon: The Shaver's a dangerous man - he might kill. 

Bluebottle: I just remembered - I gotta go and shampoo my goldfish. 

Seagoon: Come here, Bluebottle - don't tell me you're a coward? 

Bluebottle: I won't. But you're bound to hear about it sometime. 

Greenslade: To Haywards Heath they rode - to the exit that was guarded by the finest of British troops.

Eccles: Halt, who goes dere? Anybody dere? Halt or I fire - fire or I halt - halt - anybody dere - anybody out dere in the dark, anybody? If dere's anybody dere, speak up - if there nobody - keep quiet.

Bloodnok: Eccles? Will you get out of that bed and get outside on guard. 

Seagoon: Have no fear, I'm Queens Council Hairy Seagoon - defending council in the Nugent Dirt case. I have on me several documents of identification - including a letter of personal trust from the Commander of the British Army; a memo of recommendation from Mr. Anthony Eden, the Foreign Secretary; a special pass signed by Mr. Clement Atlee, Leader of the Opposition; and last but not least, a permit to go where I please, signed by the Prime Minister the Right Honourable Sir Winston Spencer Churchill. 

Eccles: Friend or foe? 

Bloodnok: I surrender - you wouldn't hit a nursing mother would you? I tell you, sir, the Phantom wouldn't dare come near here - not with old Bloodnok on duty. Why, I haven't slept for three nights - I've just sat here waiting for him - oh yes, old Bloodnok needs a smart man to outwit him - oh yes... If the Phantom Head Shaver were to come here I... What are you staring at? 

Seagoon: Do you usually have half your head shaved? 

Seagoon: Now Major, there, there - this is really a blessing in disguise. You see, I must have interrupted him in his work - and we all know that a criminal always returns to the scene of the crime. 

Bloodnok: What - yer mean you want me to wait here for him to come back and shave the other half? You filthy swine you. Oh, very well, I'll do it. Just leave me that book about Scottish Regiments.

Seagoon: But it's called The Decameron. 

Bloodnok: Of course - it's all about the Decameron Highlanders. 

Bluebottle: Capatain, I'm frighted - I can hear someone in the ammunition hut - it sounds like a man sharpening a dirty big razor. 

Seagoon: Come out, Phantom Head Shaver - you're surrounded, d'yer hear? We're all heavily armed - if you don't come, we'll come to that door - and so help me - we'll knock! 

Seagoon: Bluebottle - go in and get him! The Phantom won't harm you - not when he sees that you're armed with a Jet Morgan cardboard cutout space catapult. 

Bluebottle: Alright, Capitain, I will go in - I shall conquer him in mortal combat. [aside] Quickly makes out last will and testament on back of fag packet. 

Bluebottle: Not a soul was in dere - we must have been hearing things - ha ha, what a relief to hear things isn't it? Can I go home now? I say Capitain, What are you starin' at me for? 

Seagoon: Look in this mirror. 

Bluebottle: Nooooooo, you rotten swine you - I've been balded - you've ruined my Tony Curtis type haircut! 

Seagoon: He's still in there. I'll fix him - throw this stick of dynamite in through the door. 

FX: [Fuse burning. Stops with splutter.] 

Seagoon: Curse, it was a dud. Now let's go in, keep me covered with your finger... 

FX: [Door opens - mammoth explosion - splintering glass - bits of nuts and bolts falling - forks, spoons, etc.] 

Bloodnok: Oh, poor fellows! They were looking for the Head Shaver, yer know. 

Greenslade: Yes - I know... 

Bloodnok: Yes, I... Suppose he was blown up as well? 

Greenslade: [Pause] Care for a pipe of tobacco? 

Bloodnok: Tobacco eh? Mmm yes lovely. Gad, it's almost the same colour as my hair - it is the same colour... Stop that man!

            I weighed 88 kilos at 18:30. I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug." 

            I edited my video for my song "Instructions For Electroshock Therapy" and cut out some parts of the plugging in of the electrical cord into my "Pipe Dream" sculpture. Now it shows the hand holding the cord going toward the hole four times but only arriving the last time. This corresponds to me singing, "Plug the male end into any, any, any old electric hole" and the hole is plugged at the end of that line. Next I will delete some of the concert video to try to synchronize the next line, "Now turn the switch, the light is green" with that of the studio recording. 

            I colourized four more bricks in my skateboarder photo. There are three left. 

            I had a potato, gravy and two chicken drumsticks for dinner while watching two episodes of Mayberry RFD. 

            In the first story Mike has gotten into the habit of sending in coupons from catalogues because he likes getting the return mail. But one day he receives a copy machine on a ten day trial. He is trying to raise the $9.50 he needs to buy Aunt Bee a silver vase for her birthday and so he and his friend Harold decide to take advantage of the ten day trial to go into business making copies for locals like Andy and Emmett. But he hasn't told his father about the machine and Sam only finds out when a representative of the Amalgamated Copy Company comes to collect the $75. Sam tells Mike he has to send the machine back but on his way to the post office Harold tells him they have an order for 100 copies. At three cents a copy that would bring Mike the money for Bee's present. But while doing the job Mike trips over the cord and the machine falls to the floor. It still makes copies but it is scratched and makes a lot of noise and so now Mike can't send it back. When Sam finds out he is angry but when he learns why Sam wanted to use the machine he softens and decides that he could use a copy machine and decides to buy it. 

            In the second story Sam receives a letter from a national panel show broadcast from New York called "Talk It Up" in which panelists discuss current big topics. In an upcoming show panelists from New York, including Pamela Mason, will debate with the representatives of a small town to argue as to which is better. They've chosen Mayberry and ask for the town to send two representatives to New York. The town counsel decides on Emmett and Howard but once Howard is in New York he is overwhelmed and on the show he agrees with his opponents on the advantages of the big city and even argues with Emmett. Many of the Mayberians who watched the show are now ashamed of Howard and shun him so badly that he's considering leaving. Then Sam finds in Howard's wastebasket a poem that he wrote about his feelings for Mayberry. Sam sends it to a New York paper and it is published. When Howard's friends read it they are ashamed of how they've treated him. 

            Pamela Mason played herself in the story. She was an actor and writer who was married to James Mason whom she met on the set of "I Met a Murderer", which she wrote and also co-starred in. She was married to someone else at the time and had an affair with Mason that led to her divorce and subsequent marriage to Mason. She also wrote and appeared in "Lady Possessed." She appeared as herself in Woody Allen's "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask." She hosted two talk shows, "The Pamela Mason Show" and "The Weaker Sex". She wrote several books, including the novel Ignoramus. Her son Morgan Mason is the husband of Belinda Carlisle.

June 26, 1991: The customers claimed we'd nicked their TV table but the mark was too dark to be fresh

Thirty years ago today

            It had been very hot for the last couple of months and so I hadn't eaten much. 

            On Wednesday morning I was on site about twenty minutes before Dave and Gary. We moved the customers from Israel whose stuff Donny had packed the day before. They were quite nice and had a seven month old baby that was the same size as my one month old child. They gave us ice cream bars when we'd finished loading but during the unload they claimed we'd nicked their TV table in two places. However since the nicks were dark in colour it didn't make sense for them to allege that they were fresh. We argued a bit but they gave us each a $10 tip anyway. 

            I called Mike Copping about working on the office move on Thursday night. He said he would come and I cleared it with Wayne.

Dan Seymore

            On Thursday morning I memorized the third verse of "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg. I should have the final verse nailed down on Friday. 

            During song practice my Washburn went out of tune a little more often than the day before. Since it was set up and overhauled in Quebec it's now the E string that goes off more than the B. 

            I weighed 90.1 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor and on the way back I stopped at Freshco where I bought seven bags of cherries, a pint of strawberries, a watermelon, Columbian coffee, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, a pack of five year old cheddar, three bags of milk, two cans of peaches, two containers of Greek yogourt, a container of skyr, Ritz crackers, Wheat Thins crackers, and some Arm and Hammer toothpaste. There was a big line-up for Catarina's check-out and no one was at any other cashier, I guess because it didn't look like there were any. I walked over to the far end and found Nancy's cash open. I guess nobody noticed her because she's a small woman. My items cost almost $100, I guess mostly because of the cherries. 

            I weighed 88.1 kilos before lunch. 

            I took a siesta and slept for an extra half an hour. 

            From about 17:00 on I worked on revising the manuscript for my book of poems "Paranoiac Utopia" based on Albert Moritz's suggestions. 

            I weighed 88.8 kilos at 18:15. 

            I rubbed eight chicken drumsticks with olive oil, salt and curry powder and grilled them in the oven. 

            I finished my manuscript revisions just before dinner and sent them to Albert. 

            I had a potato with gravy and two drumsticks while watching two episodes of "Mayberry RFD."

            In the first story Sam's cousin Vince brings a failed racehorse named Gingersnap to the farm for Sam to sell for him as a saddle horse. But Bee doesn't like the idea of Gingersnap not being a racehorse like he's trained to be. So when Sam almost has a buyer for the horse to serve at a girl's school she sabotages the sale by saying Gingersnap likes to buck sometimes. Bee enters Gingersnap in a race with a $3000 purse, hires the smallest jockey she can find, forbids him from using the whip and instructs him to feed Gingersnap a lump of sugar just before the race. Gingersnap is slow out of the gate and is far behind until halfway through the race, then he passes all the other horses just before crossing the finish line. It's pretty unlikely that Bee would be able to win without knowing anything about horses and without the horse training before the race. 

            In the second story Sam needs farm hands for his corn harvest and Andy suggests that he hire recently released prison convicts. Fingers is a reformed pickpocket and Lucky is a former gambler. Aunt Bee is reluctant at first but gives in. The way that Bee, Sam and Emmett trust them with the temptations of money and vehicles drives Fingers and Lucky nuts. On Sunday they are coaxed into going to church with Bee and Sam but when they are there they enthusiastically sing along with "Bringing In The Sheaves." The pastor mentions that the women's club is trying to raise money for a public swimming pool for the children. They already have $500 and need another. Fingers and Lucky know that Bee is hiding the money in the cookie jar and later Sam and Bee find the jar and the garage empty. Fingers and Lucky go to a high stakes poker game in Mount Pilot run by Big Louis with the intention of using the $500 to win the rest. But big Louis catches Lucky cheating. Then Lucky explains why he needs the money just before Andy and Sam bust in. Big Louis gives Andy and Sam an extra $500 just to prove he's as good a person as Lucky and Fingers. Since the game hadn't really started yet no one is arrested and Fingers and Lucky's intentions are good so they aren't arrested. 

            Big Louis was played by Dan Seymore who was typecast as villains for most of his career. He was the nemesis of Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca", "To Have and Have Not" and "Key Largo". He started out as a song and dance man in burlesque shows and as an emcee in New York nightclubs. He made three appearances in "The Adventures of Superman" TV show and two in "Batman".

June 25, 1991: We moved a lady in her building from the 18th floor to the 6th and she was a real talker

Thirty years ago today

            On Tuesday morning I went to meet Gary at Finch and Yonge and he was about twenty minutes late. We did an internal move, transferring a woman's possessions from the 18th floor to the 6th. She was a real talker. Donny came later and the job didn't take long. Afterwards we went to Toby's for a couple of beers. 

            I went back to meet Nancy because I had to accompany her to her marketing group in Rosedale. I took care of the baby while Nancy was in there. She slept for the first hour and then I had to amuse her for another, but she didn't get too cranky. We went to the Fire Pit and then walked down Yonge to Wellesley. The baby seemed to enjoy it and all in all it was a good night for us all. I liked it when Nancy needed me.

Stefanianna Christopherson

            On Wednesday morning I memorized the third verse of "Le java des chaussettes à clous" (The Dance of the Studded Stockings) by Boris Vian. 

            I memorized the second verse and almost the third of "Lola Rastaquouère" by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I cut my song practice short and finished at 8:00 to prepare for the exterminator's visit. According to my neighbour the landlord said they were coming between 8:00 and 12:00 but the landlord was probably lying since the pest control people don't usually start until 9:00. I put all my bedding in garbage bags and cleared all my guitars and clutter out of the bedroom. I swept and mopped the entire apartment for the first time in a long time. I was done preparing by 9:15 although I still don't know what procedure if any I was preparing for since I hadn't seen a bedbug since the first one I'd found 15 days ago. Since I'm leaning towards the conclusion that I killed the only adult and that it didn't have the chance to lay eggs, I didn't thoroughly empty my bedroom, take down the shelves, remove the furniture or empty any drawers. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            Steve the Orkin guy came at around 10:00. I put the last third of my bowl of spoonsize shredded wheat down to get soggy and put on my mask to open the door. I told him the story of going to get my covid shot at Vina Pharmacy, sitting on the couch and the next day finding one bedbug. I told him it had been fifteen days since I'd found the one and that I hadn't seen another but I wasn't sure that it hadn't laid eggs. He confirmed what I'd already read, that bedbug eggs take ten days to hatch. He said that either the bug was male or else a female that hadn't gotten a chance to lay any eggs before I killed her. He said he'd do a treatment anyway but I asked him not to use any poison. So he fired up the steamer and ran it over my futons and the baseboards beside the bed and behind the couch. Then he laid down some powder and some sticky monitors and said they'd be coming back to do a follow-up in two weeks. Steve was very professional and seemed like a nice guy. 

            The morning was shot for my oven door cleaning project but at least I'd gotten the place swept and mopped. 

            I heard Benji in the hall mopping the floor I thought I'd go out to let him know that there doesn't seem to be a pest situation. We chatted for a while and then Shankar came out to talk as well. We were out there until after noon and I slipped away when Benji's phone rang. 

            I weighed 89.4 kilos before lunch. 

            I took a siesta in a noticeably cleaner bedroom and after I got up at 15:30 I went out on the deck to get my mop that had been drying out there and Benji and Shankar were still talking. 

            I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. I weighed 88.5 kilos when I got back. 

            I worked on revisions to my "Paranoiac Utopia" manuscript based on Albert Moritz's recent suggestions. I made quite a few changes to my poem "Junk Shop Bizarre." Albert had suggested that I end line 5 with "bleed" and begin line 6 with "a smile." I like that suggestion for the way it emphasizes the assonance of "melpomene and bleed". But "a smile or hello" as a line beginning feels slightly off rhythm and so I changed it to "a smiling hello", plus I've taken the quotation marks off the "hello." Also while looking at line 5 it occurred to me it would be more natural and would also add a nice string of rhythmic assonance if I took out "I have" and replaced it with I've got" so that the line now goes: "Sometimes I've got the guts to cut ..." Albert informed me that "lays back" is incorrect, but I don't like the sound of "lie" here. His suggestion of "lays herself back" showed me that I could still find a way to use "lay" and so I came up with: "lays body back on car boot as companions laugh and watch/ her spread her legs and call for a big cock." Albert suggested that I replace "because" in line 18 with a dash. I still prefer "because" but I moved "finds me" to the end of line 18 so that I have it ending with "Parkdale finds me" to suggest other possibilities of discovery before concluding with "indigestible" in line 19. I fixed the punctuation in another poem. 

            I made naan pizza with basilicata sauce, rapini parmigiano sausage and old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching the first two episodes of "Mayberry R.F.D." "RFD" is a postal term that stands for "rural free delivery" that I wasn't familiar with because I don't think we have it in Canada.

            The first story begins with a send-off of Andy as he finally marries Helen. Barney returns as the best man and is the only real source of comedy for this episode as he fumbles for the ring, tries to hold Andy's hand, leaves the church with the bride and groom and follows them on their honeymoon. We learn that Aunt Bee plans on moving back to West Virginia to live with her sister. But then Sam asks her to come and live with him and his son to be their housekeeper and cook and to care for Mike. She turns him down but then changes her mind. She is however not used to farm life with aggressive milk cows and having to reach under chickens to get the eggs they are sitting on. So she decides to leave but then she looks at the Jones family album with Mike and after hearing of the bravery of the family's matriarchs she is inspired to stay and face the animals. 

            There is no trace of the Vincente family who we saw move in with Sam at the end of "The Andy Griffith Show", or any mention of where they went. I guess the producers decided this is an alternative reality where the Vincentes don't exist. 

            In the second story Sam is helping to organize the Mayberry Harvest Dance. Suddenly Sam is attracted to Millie Swanson, who almost married Howard Sprague on The Andy Griffith Show" but now she is also smitten with Sam. But then Goober tells Sam he wants to ask Millie out but doesn't know what to say and he asks Howard to write a letter to her for him. Sam has the letter half written when he's called away. Then Millie comes by his office, sees the letter and is very happy because she thinks it's from Sam to her. When she gets the letter from Goober she is disappointed but politely goes with him to the dance. At the dance we see Emmett dancing up a storm again. Howard is with a constantly grinning woman named Grace whom he met in a health food store. When Goober goes to get punch he leaves Millie with Sam and since the line is so long Emmett suggests that Sam and Millie have a dance. When Goober sees them together he sees a magic that he knows he couldn't have with Millie and so he fakes sickness and leaves. But on the way out he sees Dorothy the ticket seller who likes Goober. She's taken all the tickets and has no date so she's waiting for her bus. Goober offers her a ride. 

            Grace was played by Pat Carpenter.

            Dorothy was played by Stefanianna Christopherson, who was the voice of Daphne on the first season of "Scooby Doo Where Are You?" Her father was from Canada and her mother from Iceland. At the age of 18 she moved to Iceland where she had a multi language singing career for a couple of years. In 1968 she starred in the film "Reality." She was the voice of Princess Dawn in "Here Comes the Grump." She wrote and sang the song "Crystal of a Star" for the movie "Star Crystal."

June 24, 1991: Nancy's AIDS test came back negative of course

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday morning I was at Steeles and Bathurst a few minutes before Dave and Calvin showed up. We moved the belongings of a couple's grandmother to an apartment and picked up some other stuff from a really nice house along the way. We didn't get a tip. 

            Nancy had wanted me to go to Glencairn and Bathurst to pick up the results of her AIDS test and it turned out that my job finished just around the corner from there. She came out negative of course. 

            I picked up a copy of Tab International and headed for my place. I called Tab and some escorts. 

            I phoned my dad to give him a belated Fathers Day greeting and he told me my brother was on kidney dialysis.

Letícia Román

            On Tuesday morning I finished posting my translation of "Brigade des stups" (Dealing with the Drug Squad) by Serge Gainsbourg and memorized the first verse of his "Lola Rastaquouère". 

            During song practice my Washburn is still going out of tune but not horribly so. It actually stays in tune better than it did when I bought it, which is another negative refection on The Remenyi House of Music since they sold me a guitar that wasn't set up properly. 

            This time last year I was video recording my rehearsals, but I think I would like to get a haircut before I record this time. Plus I either need a usb extension cord for my desk microphone of I have to go out and buy a new mic for singing. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before breakfast. 

            After doing a full face shave, showering and doing the dishes there was no time to work on cleaning the oven door, so I just did a quick clean of my toilet and the bathroom floor. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before lunch. I had kettle chips, salsa and yogourt. 

            I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. It was pretty chilly for a summer day and it took a while for me to warm up with pedaling. I returned in front of my building just as a beautiful thirty something woman of Indian descent was passing. Her curly hair was tied back and she was wearing sweat pants that showed off a nice big behind. She turned her head slightly as she passed. 

           I weighed 88.1 kilos when I got home. I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug." 

           I cut some more unnecessary parts out of my video of an electrical cord being plugged into my "Pipe Dream" sculpture. I removed any sections where the sculpture is being accidentally or deliberately moved. I deleted the end after the cord is plugged in. I only need to show the cord fully plugged in once and so next I'll eliminate all but one of those parts. 

            I colourized some more of the bricks in my skateboarder photo and now there are only seven left. After that I plan to take advantage of some damage to the negative that caused small white circles to appear randomly throughout the picture in such a way that they almost look like bubbles. I'm going to add colour to those as well. 

            I got an email from Albert Moritz containing his suggestions for the completion of my poetry manuscript "Paranoiac Utopia." Most of them are minor changes and most are only suggestions, so I'll get to work on them tomorrow. I'll put the video project and the other poetry project on hold until I've sent him back the newly revised manuscript. He probably won't have any more suggestions after that and we'll focus on trying to get the book published, first with Exile Press. 

            I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching the last two episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. 

            In the first story Goober is being a fifth wheel on Andy and Sam's dates with their girlfriends. The couples decide to try to find Goober a girl to keep things from being awkward. Andy and Sam notice a newspaper ad that features a computer dating service with a questionaire for applicants to fill out. They show it to Goober and he says he's going to try it. Meanwhile the psychologist who designed the questionnaire has decided to enter her own information as part of the experiment so she can go on a date with the person whose profile corresponds to hers and so to see if her system works. But when Goober answers the questions he misunderstands some of them. He says he reads thirty books a month even though they are comic books. He says he likes painting although he means painting barns. So by accident Goober's profile comes out as a match with that of Dr. Edith Gibson. They meet at Morelli's halfway between her home in Mount Pilot and his in Mayberry. It doesn't take long for them to realize they have nothing in common and yet they have a good time. This causes Edith to revise her system and in the end we see Goober with Andy, Helen, Sam and Doris. It looks again like Goober is the fifth wheel, but then Goober moves over beside Edith and we see that they are together. Edith was played by Nancy Malone who was the first female vice president at 20th Century Fox. She won an Emmy as a producer and was nominated for two directorial Emmys. She was also an expert equestrian, a painter, a poet, a football player and a baseball player. 

            The second story was less of a series finale for The Andy Griffith Show than a pilot episode of Mayberry R.F.D. Andy only played a secondary role. When Sam was in the army and stationed in Italy he made friends with a farmer named Mario Vincente. It's been seven years since they've seen each other and now that Sam needs help on the farm he has asked Mario to come to the United States. He is surprised however when Mario shows up with his sister Sophia and his father. Sam finds their excitable and strange ways very difficult to adjust to and he is sure that the Vincentes will have the same effect on everyone in Mayberry. But while Sam is trying to find an established Italian farmer to take them on the Vincentes are being welcomed by everyone in town. Bee organizes a town hall meeting and the place is packed with Mayberians greeting the Vincentes with open arms. Bee leads the choir in "O Sole Mio" which she thinks is the Italian national anthem. Sam realizes that the Vincentes are there to stay and accepts them living with him. 

            Sophia was played by Letícia Román, who came to the US as a teenager with her father. who was a costume designer for movies. She starred in Russ Meyer's "Fanny Hill", co-starred in "The Girl Who Knew Too Much", "El Lancero Negro", and in The Man From U.N.C.L.E film, "The Spy In The Green Hat". She speaks five languages fluently. She became a successful real estate broker in Beverly Hills.

June 23, 1991: In "War of the Roses" story of a couple slowly eating each other alive I saw parallels with Nancy and I

Thirty years ago today

            On Sunday I was at North York City Hall for 10:30 and met Ralph, Gary, Paul and Donny there. Two of the guys didn't show. We took a long lunch at Key West where Donny and I had a couple of beers and played some pool. We finished the job after lunch. 

            I went to Dairy Queen before heading back to Nancy's place. 

            Nancy and I watched "War of the Roses" but their TV was too dark to see a lot of the scenes and Nancy fell asleep anyway. But the story about the kinds of fights a couple can have driven to the extreme really touched me. In how they were slowly eating each other alive I saw parallels with Nancy and I hoped she would watch it before we had to take it back. 

            I was trying to stop buying Coke to drink at home because the sugar was getting to me.

Buddy Foster

            On Monday at 4:00 I woke up to the overwhelming odour of bedbugs, but once again I think it was really the smell of rancid fat rising up from Popeye' downstairs, probably from them dumping the fat from their friers. I did a check just in case and there was still no sign of bedbugs thirteen days after the one I found. 

            My left shoulder was a little less sore than the day before. I finished working out the chords for "Brigade des stups" (The Drug Squad) by Serge Gainsbourg. I ran through it in French and English and then uploaded it to Christian's Translations where I almost finished preparing it for blog publication.

            During song practice the Washburn went out of tune almost as much as it did before being repaired. I assume it was because it was extremely humid and raining. Also the guitar started chafing against my strumming arm and near the end I had to put on a long sleeved shirt to soften the irritation.

            I weighed 89.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            In the late morning I returned to my oven cleaning project. There isn't much left to clean on the inside. There are almost unnoticeable black marks that I played search and destroy with. But the oven looks so clean now that it makes the oven door look like shit, so I spent some time scraping the black off the hatch. When I'd cleaned the door before tackling the inside I'd focused on the window because that was the worst part. Today I got most of the black off the door using the scraper. It might take at least two more sessions to finish that part and then I'll have to clean the storage tray below. 

            I weighed 88.8 kilos before lunch. I had kettle chips, salsa and skyr with a glass of orange juice.

            When I took my siesta I was able for the first time in a few days to sleep on my left shoulder, but I woke up halfway through and it hurt so took the rest of my nap on my back. 

            I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor and on the way back stopped at Freshco because I'd forgotten to buy toilet paper on Saturday which forced me to wipe myself with paper towels. My cashier Priscilla was wearing a leopard print mask and the customer ahead of me had one of glittering silver. I weighed 88.4 kilos after my ride. 

            I worked on my poem series "My Blood In A Bug." 

            I cut out several parts of my video of a hand plugging an electrical cord into my Pipe Dream Sculpture. I deleted a lot of the parts where the cord is not in the frame, when the sculpture is moving and when I'm adjusting the sculpture's position to get it more stable. There's quite a bit more to remove from that video next time. 

            I colourized some more bricks in my skateboarder photo. There are seventeen left. 

            Benji knocked on my door to tell me thwat the landlord asked him to inform me that the exterminator is coming on Wednesday between 8:00 and 12:00. Since I haven't seen a bedbug since the first one I found two weeks ago I don't know if the technician needs to do anything extreme. In case there are eggs it might be a good idea to steam. I don't feel the need to remove everything from the bedroom. I'll talk to the exterminator when they come and see what their advice is. 

            I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks for dinner while watching two episodes of Andy Griffith. 

            Both stories seem to be setting up the series "Mayberry RFD" that will replace "The Andy Griffith Show" which will be ending in a few episodes. 

            In the first story the head of the Mayberry City Counsel has moved on to a job in Raleigh and so Andy, Goober, Howard and Emmett are discussing who would be a good replacement. Everyone but Emmett complains that the previous councillor played too much favouritism. Emmett surprises the others by suddenly deciding to throw his hat into the ring. Emmett's friends don't think that he is the right man for the job and so they try to think of someone better. When Howard suggests Sam Jones the farmer the three agree and go out to his farm to ask if he'll run. Sam finally agrees but he has stiff competition from Emmett whose technique is to promise each potential voter what they want. Sam on the other hand wants what is best for all to benefit individuals. In the end Sam wins and Emmett is not a sore loser at all. But people begin to ask for favours and Aunt Bee tries to bribe Sam with a pie. 

            Sam was played by Ken Berry, who started out as a dancer and continued to entertain in that way in the army. His sergeant was Leonard Nimoy, who advised him to go to Hollywood. He worked for Abbot and Costello as part of their stage act and provided song and dance routines between performances by Andy Griffith and Jerry Van Dyke. He became a frequent guest on The Carol Burnett Show. He played Woody the bellhop on the Ann Southern Show. He played Dr Kapish as comic relief on the drama Dr Kildare. His first sitcom was "F-Troop", after which he starred in "Mayberry RFD". Later he co-starred in "Mama's Family." 

            In the second story Sam's son Mike is dealing with an older and bigger bully at school. Standing up to Edgar is not the answer and Mike doesn't want his father to intervene because the other kids would make fun of him. After Sam tells Andy about it Andy consults Opie, who had his own problems with bullies when he was younger. Opie says he'll take care of it and steps in the next time Edgar is bullying Mike. Opie warns Edgar to back off because he's watching and after that Mike attaches himself to Opie. Opie doesn't mind and when Andy expresses concern Opie tells him that Mike will eventually gravitate towards kids his own age. The two are inseparable until a pretty girl named Heather Campbell moves in next door and suddenly Opie wants to hang out with her. He doesn't push Mike away but suddenly doesn't want to play baseball with Mike and prefers to listen to records with Heather. Mike asks his father why boys like girls and Sam struggles to give an answer. When a dejected Mike is looking for Opie to give him back his baseball glove he meets Heather's little sister Claudia and suddenly Mike starts to hang out with her. 

            Mike Jones was played by Buddy Foster, who is the brother of Jodie Foster. They appeared together in the movie "Foxes." He was the voice of the little boy in the "How many licks does it take?" Tootsie Pop commercials. Buddy wrote a book called "Foster Child" which says things about Jodie that she was not happy with. She says he misremembered and made up a lot about her and their family.

            Heather was played by Diane Quinn, who didn't accumulate a very large TV resume. 

            Claudia was played by Kellie Flanagan, who played Candice Muir on The Ghost and Mrs Muir. According to IMD she became a producer but it doesn't say of what.