January 29, 1996: I probably posed for OCA

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday I probably worked but I don’t know where. Most probably the Ontario College of Art.

Vic Morrow

            On Tuesday morning I finally memorized “Les Millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg and the monologue in the performance of the song by Zizi Jeanmaire. That took several weeks. I started working out the chords for the instrumental intro. 

            I weighed 89.25 kilos before breakfast. 

            During song practice I played my Martin acoustic for the last of four sessions. It stayed in tune less than half the time. 

            Around midday I applied Frog tape to the frame and front of my bathroom exhaust fan to isolate the vent area so the lines will be straight when I paint it pink tomorrow. 

            I weighed 89.7 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I tried to take a bike ride but only pedaled about three times before slipping and going home. Tomorrow I have to at least go along Queen as far as Freshco and back. 

            I weighed 89.45 kilos at 17:05. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 17:54. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive, side 1 of a tape marked “part 2”. It’s one of my 20,000 Poets Under the League slams and it’s hosted by Sahara Spracklin. I was sure I had all the tapes from the fourth year of the slam and I don’t remember if Sahara hosted more than once. Maybe on side 2 someone will mention what year it is. 

            I finished editing my Photos folder and deleted a lot but kept several images. Next I’ll move most of the saved pictures to my solid state drive. 

            I grilled four chicken legs and had one with two small potatoes and margarine while watching season 1, episode 2 of Combat.

            Sgt. Saunders’ squadron gets three new recruits but finds them very disappointing. Gainsborough was a used car salesman, Crown was a radio DJ, and Temple was a ballet dancer. Neither of them have combat experience. Gainsborough has been serving as a cook since he joined the army and has gained considerable weight. Crown has an attitude problem and he’s a coward. Temple is very uncomfortable with the idea of killing people. Saunders tries to teach them how to thrown hand grenades but when Crown tries he accidentally drops his after pulling the pin and then runs away, leaving Saunders to grab and throw it. 

            The squad is sent to investigate an apparently abandoned village. They split into groups of three to explore sections of the village and Crown is with Saunders. Crown is frightened and just says he checked out the streets he was supposed to. We see that the street he ignored has a house with German soldiers and a big, mounted machine gun. 

            Saunders’ squad sets up headquarters in an abandoned dress shop and venture from there to go house to house. When Saunders tells Crown to explore a house he catches him just standing in the doorway afraid to go any further. He gets him to confess that he didn’t reconnoitre the streets he was supposed to. Saunders takes him back to the dress shop. 

            All of the new recruits are left in the dress shop while Saunders, Caje, and Kirby explore the town. Crown is eating some rations and finds them disgusting cold and so he decides to build a fire in the fireplace to heat them up. The men see the smoke from the chimney and go running back to put out the fire. The Germans see the smoke too and aim the machine gun at the dress shop then open fire. Kirby is hit. Saunders crawls out and drags him inside the shop. 

            The Germans reposition the machine gun to the upper floor. Saunders takes Crown with him on a mission to get close enough to toss a grenade into the window. But Saunders gets shot in the leg and so he and Crown are stuck taking cover behind the wall of a front stairway. Gainsborough runs out to try to help and is killed. Temple comes with a plan to use his dancing skills to climb to the rooftops and make his way along the rooftops to the point above the window where the machine gun is to lob in a grenade. Considering his inexperience the next part is pretty unrealistic. He dives into the canal and draws machine gun fire. He gets a rope from a boat, climbs up a building and makes his way across. The Germans know Temple is on the roof . One of them goes out on the street with a rifle to get a better shot at Temple but Crown kills him. Temple jumps rooftops and hangs from a broken drainpipe before getting back on the roof and finally tossing in a grenade to take out the Germans. 

            Saunders is played by Vic Morrow who started studying law but participated in a school play and got the acting bug. He went to New York and studied at the Actors Workshop. He made his film debut in Blackboard Jungle. I watched it last year and his was a great performance. It typecast him however as a bad guy and so he left MGM. He studied directing at USC. Then he became the star of Combat and directed some episodes. The series lasted 5 years. He co-starred in The Bad News Bears, King Creole, Hell’s Five Hours, Message from Space, Humanoids from the Deep, The Last Shark, The Bronx Warriors, Wanted: Babysitter, and Wild and Wooly. He starred in Portrait of a Mobster, Target: Harry, and The Evictors. He wrote and directed the spaghetti western A Man Called Sledge in 1970. He directed the movie Deathwatch and several episodes of Quincy. He co-starred in Twilight Zone: The Movie but died when a helicopter being used for a scene lost control and crashed on top of him and two child actors. He was the father of Jennifer Jason Leigh.

January 28, 1996: The cold kept my daughter and I indoors

Thirty years ago today 

            On Sunday it was colder so my daughter and I might have played indoors.

Albert Paulsen

            On Monday morning I finally memorized the tenth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I continued trying to memorize Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I’ve memorized the song part, the first monologue, and the last monologue but pulling them all together is just out of my mind’s reach. There’s a good chance I’ll have the whole thing squeezed into my head tomorrow. 

            I weighed 89.25 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice and it went out of tune about half the time.

            Around midday I called 311 to inform the city that I have the bike post ring that got knocked off the post by a snow plow in front of my place. Yvonne was very nice and relaxed so I assume she works from home. She said someone will probably come to repair the ring in five days but I think the post will still be buried in five days. The temperature is going to stay low, there is no rain scheduled and there’s even more snow coming. 

            In the afternoon I sort of took a bike ride just get a feel for the conditions and to get outdoors. I only rode a few meters up O’Hara before slipping so I just turned and went home. I was out of and back in my door in about five minutes. 

            I weighed 89.8 kilos at 17:30. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:14. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive tape 2, side 2 (the finale) of my third 20,000 Poets Under the League slam, which was hosted by Mark Critoph. Now I have digitized slams 1, 3 and 4. I have another cassette that is marked “Part 2” and I assume that ‘s my second 20,000 Poets Under the League slam. I can’t find any tape that says part 1. 

            I edited my Photos folder and deleted several images while putting many more in sub-folders. I’m up to the middle of the pictures with titles that start with the letter “M”.

            I had the good parts of two small potatoes with gravy and a slice of roast pork with the last of my peach chutney while watching the series premier of Combat. I remember watching this show when I was a kid but don’t remember any of the stories. 

            The first episode begins in France on the Vire River in 1944. A US squadron approaches what looks like a mill. They are looking for a big gun that the German’s are using. They enter and while exploring, a boobie trap explodes severely wounding Sgt. McGraw and killing all his men. He is able to radio for help and so Sgt. Saunders and his men come. Sgt McGraw dies just after they reach him. A few minutes later a German soldier is found hiding down a trap door. He claims to be a deserter. The asshole Kirby wants to kill him because he thinks he set the booby trap and Caje agrees. 

           The young medic Doc is given the task of guarding Carl, who tells him he used to be an entertainer. He was a magician and a singer in a carnival. He starts singing “Show Me the Way to Go Home”. 

            Kirby finds some apples and asks Carl if he wants one. He throws him a rotten one and tries to force him to eat it. 

            From the upper floor of the mill they have a view of the surrounding area and when the big gun begins to fire they can see it and send its coordinates back to their unit which is able to take it out with mortar fire. 

            Doc tumbles down the stairs and his gun goes flying. As he is lying there Carl picks it up, walks toward him and gives it back to him. 

            A German patrol comes through the woods towards the mill. Saunders makes Carl go out and tell them that he is setting the mines in the mill and that everything is alright there. Of course he says it in German and so the US soldiers don’t know what he’s saying. The German soldiers leave. Later a German tank approaches the mill. Saunders has the men escape one by one through the trap door which leads to the river. The tank fires at the men as they jump in the river. The bullets seem to be the same proximity for each man. It is nighttime but one would think the gunman would be able to zero in and hit one of them. Caje is the last one and he looks like he is going to shoot Carl. Carl thinks he is too and covers his face in fear. We see Saunders waiting outside the tunnel and hear a gunshot before Caje emerges alone. He says he thinks the Germans got Carl. 

            They make it back to their unit. Later Saunders confronts Caje who tells him he didn’t kill Carl. He fired his gun but couldn’t kill him. He didn’t think he had the right to play god with someone else’s life. 

            Carl was played by Albert Paulsen, who was from Ecuador but served in the US army during WWII. He graduated from the Neighbourhood Playhouse. He made his TV debut in The Lux Video Theatre in 1951. He won an Emmy award in 1964 for his performance in A Day in the Life of Ivan Desinovich. He co-starred in the film The Next Man. He played Anthony Korf in the drama series Stop Susan Williams in 1979. He played General Yodel on Galactica 1980.

January 27, 1996: My daughter and me made a snowman

Thirty years ago today

            On Saturday I spent the day with my daughter and it was a fairly warm day at 8 degrees and so we probably played outside. Maybe we built a snowman.

Jack Gilford

            I continued working on memorizing the tenth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I continued trying to memorize the final monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. There’s a good chance I’ll be able to pull it all together on Monday.

            I weighed 89.45 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since January 2. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the second of four sessions. It went out of tune quite a bit and it was frustrating during the first half. Later it wasn’t so bad. 

            Around midday I cleaned the warm mist humidifier that’s been running all week and set the other one going. The heating knob was all caked over and I thought it was permanently shot but then I was finally able to peel the crust off with my fingernail and it looked smoother than it has for a long time. The other one is humidifying a lot better and maybe the one I cleaned will as well now that it’s cleaner. 

            I applied Proofide to my Raleigh’s Brooks leather seat for the first time since I bought it six months ago. I also used Bally ideal spray on my motorcycle jacket. 

            I weighed 89.6 kilos at 16:55. 

            It’s been storming all day so I didn’t take a bike ride and probably won’t be able to tomorrow either. 

            I saw someone cross country skiing down Queen Street and he was making good time. Too fast for me to grab my camera to make a video. 

            I buffed my Brooks seat and my leather jacket. 

            I spent about an hour trying track down some poems. I’ve been going through a folder that has my Commentaries on the Gumby Bible, which are for the most part unfinished poems. Two poems were incomplete and so I looked through two big folders until I found writing that looks like it’s part of those poems. One is a study of the nature of the animal in me. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:44. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive tape 2, side 1, of my third 20,000 Poets Under the League slam, hosted by Mark Critoph. My digitized recording of the tape sounds great. 

            I edited my Photos folder, deleting 44 images and putting several in sub-folders. I’m up to Hedy Lamarr. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, wedge oven fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore while watching the series finale of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Two cops have retired from the 53rd Precinct and the rest of the men have to take up the slack. They need new recruits. 

            Toody and Muldoon are in a diner taking a break from the night shift when a lone cop comes in and sits at the far end of the counter. They ask the waiter who he is and she says she only knows he’s with the 12th Precinct. Toody and Muldoon find this curious since the guys from the 12th Precinct usually frequent the Tip Top Diner down the street. The lone cop wants coffee and a donut but Muldoon got the last donut. Toody gives Muldoon’s donut to the cop. They sit down with him and say they’ve been partners for ten years. He says he’s never had a partner for more than a week. His name is Luther Snitkin. He says if everyone is that friendly at the 53rd he’d love to be transferred there. 

            Toody and Muldoon tell Captain Block who calls the 12th. The captain at the 12th says he’s got four men in the hospital and six in arm casts and he can’t spare any. But then Block mentions it’s Snitkin and the captain can’t believe his luck. A cop in a cast says it must be a joke since everybody in the NYPD knows Snitkin is a Jonah who brings disaster wherever he goes. 

            The day that Snitkin arrives at the 53rd Precinct Captain Block is there to welcome him but he’s standing in front of one of the double doors with frosted glass windows and one of them breaks against Block when Snitkin opens it. It’s kind of dumb of Block to be standing in front of the door like that since he knows how they open. 

            Block hands Schnauser Snitkin’s file. He sees that Snitkin has only been with the NYPD 18 months but he’s been with 32 precincts. Then he remembers that Snitkin is a Jonah and declares they are doomed. All six of Snitkin’s 12th Precinct partners are now in the hospital. 

            Block has just brought Snitkin out of his office and he’s standing in front of it with him. Kissel comes to Block with papers for him to sign and Block says to take them into his office and he’ll be right in. Kissel goes in and for some reason closes the door. Block turns and walks through the glass. Snitkin nods knowingly but sadly. 

            Toody takes Snitkin to introduce him to the men. As Sgt McBride leans from his chair to shake hands, Kissel nudges the chair as he walks by and McBride falls. It seems like Kissel is more of a jinx. Toody introduces Snitkin to the switchboard operator and then the switchboard short circuits. That’s the first incident that is actually jinxlike. Block says Nicholson will be Snitkin’s new partner and then Nicholson falls down the stairs breaking two legs and an arm. Kissel opens the frosted glass windowed locker room door and Block is on the other side. After being told Snitkin is his new partner Webster slips in the shower. Rodrigues is Snitkin’s next partner and soon he’s in traction. 

            When headquarters get the 53rd’s accident reports they send a building inspector. If this was not a government building it would have been condemned. The department starts fixing the stairs, putting in new doors, and installing a new tile floor in the showers. The floor has now been removed in the washroom as they rebuild it. Schnauser is sitting in the locker room and is told to tell people not to go in or they’ll fall to the basement. Why wouldn’t they just put up a sign and some police barricade tape? Kissel’s locker is next to the door and he opens it just as Block comes in, hitting him in the nose. Schnauser keeps saying Snitkin is a jinx but Muldoon convinces him that the problem is the condition of the building. Then Schnauser walks into the washroom and falls to the basement. 

            Snitkins now tells Muldoon and Toody that he’s a Jonah and he’s never had any luck. Toody thinks if Snitkin could win something it would cure him of thinking he’s a jinx. He rigs a turkey raffle so that Snitkin’s number wins. Sgt Feldman hands Snitkin the turkey but Snitkin says he won more than the turkey and so he gives it to Feldman because he has eight children to feed. Then Feldman gets food poisoning. 

            Snitkin decides to resign. Block announces that Snitkin is going to drive the governor to dedicate the birdhouse in Bronx park because he’s the only officer who’s driven a VIP. It was during the election and he drove Nixon, who lost to Kennedy. Snitkin still wants out and says it’s hopeless because it’s voodoo. 

            Muldoon decides they will perform a voodoo ritual to extract the evil spirits that Snitkin believes he has in him. Toody and Muldoon hold hands with Snitkin until the ritual is over then tell him the evil is gone. Snitkin feels that it’s true. But then suddenly accidents start happening wherever Toody and Muldoon go and so they realize they have to perform another ritual. Then Block crashes through the door again. 

             Snitkin was played by Jack Gilford who was discovered and mentored by Milton Berle. He started as a comedian in the 1930s specializing in satire and pantomime. He was host at the Café Society in Greenwich Village. His film debut was in Midnight Melodies in which he did celebrity impressions. It was in his movie satire routines that he invented the expression “The butler did it!” In the 1950s he was blacklisted by the House Un-American Activities Committee until the 1960s. He was the face of the Cracker Jack commercials from 1960 to 1972. He was nominated for Tony Awards for his performances in A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum and Cabaret. The song “Meeskite” from Cabaret was written specifically for him to sing. He was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in Save the Tiger. He played Brooks Carmichael on the sitcom The Duck Factory. He co-starred in the film Cocoon. Car 54 Where Are You? was a very funny sitcom with great writing. Repetition of gags was used to good effect without being overdone.

January 26, 1996: It was payday

Thirty years ago today

            Friday was a payday from the Ontario College of Art and the Toronto Board of Education. If I wasn’t working I would have gone downtown to pick up my cheques. If I was I would have grabbed them after work. I probably stayed downtown to perform at the Spit Fridays open stage in the back room of the Cameron House.

Sugar Ray Robinson

            On Saturday morning I went to bed with my undershirt, sweatpants, and socks on because it was minus 20 outside and seeping in through the window. When I got up to pee at around 3:30 I got naked because I’d warmed up the bed. 

            After yoga I continued working on memorizing the tenth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I continued trying to memorize the final monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. There’s a good chance I’ll have it nailed down tomorrow. 

            I weighed 88.75 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of four sessions. It went out of tune several times but not to the frustrating degree that the electrics have been misbehaving. 

            The bike post ring in front of my building has been knocked off its post, perhaps by a snowplough. It was lying on the street side of the snowbank so I brought it up to my place. Maybe I’ll call the city to see if they’re going to fix it. If not I wouldn’t mind keeping it because those old ones are pretty cool. I’d rather have it in front of my place and functional though. 

            Around midday I rode down to No Frills. I bought two bags of green grapes, a bag of red grapes, two bags of cherries, two packs of raspberries, bananas, a pack of three chicken legs, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, mouthwash, tomato pesto, three bags of skim milk, a jug of iced tea, a jug of orange juice, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s chips. 

            I weighed 89.8 kilos at 15:00. I had saltines with peanut butter, five-year-old cheddar and a glass of iced tea. 

            I took a siesta from 15:30 to 17:00 and it was too late for a bike ride. 

            There was an email from the landlady about a complaint about the loudness my music from my upstairs neighbour Jacob. That’s rich coming from someone who often plays music louder than I do, plus stomping and shouting, and in the nighttime. Nonetheless I’ll lower my top listening volume to minus 5 from minus 4 and see if that shuts him up, though I’m sure it won’t. 

            I weighed 90.05 kilos at 17:20, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening in a few years. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:32. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive tape 1, side 2 of my third 20,000 Poets Under the League Slam, hosted by Mark Critoph. These digitizations I’m doing from my Sony Dolby player are sounding much better than the cassette-to-MP3 convertor that I got through Amazon and there are no glitches. The recordings skipped in places after conversion by that device. 

            I edited more of my Photos folder, deleting a lot of images and putting others in sub-folders. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara sauce, tomato pesto, oven wedge fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching the penultimate episode of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Judy is a hairdresser who works at Antoinne’s where most of the precinct officers’ wives get their hair done. She asks Toody to help her stop Antoinne from becoming a boxer even though he’s already won his first four fights. Toody agrees that Tony is a sweet guy and says that when his wife Lucille comes home from the beauty parlour it takes hours for her to get mean again. 

            Muldoon and Toody get the idea that what Tony needs is to be knocked out to discourage him from fighting. They offer to take Tony to Waxey Kilroy’s gym. They convince Waxey to have one of his best fighters go in the ring with Tony. Waxey tells Spider to make it quick but as soon as Tony steps into the ring he roars like an animal and tears into Spider until he’s down. Now Waxey wants Tony to be one of his fighters. 

            Muldoon and Toody know that if they got Sugar Ray Robinson to fight Tony he’d be able to knock him out but that wouldn’t discourage Tony because Sugar can beat everybody. They go and convince Sugar to let them get a police disguise artist to make him look like an old man. Then they talk Tony into fighting him. The disguised Sugar knocks Tony out right away and after that Tony gives up boxing. But then he loses his sweet disposition and starts being mean to his customers. 

           Judy appeals to Toody and Muldoon to help Tony again. Muldoon realizes that Tony needed boxing for an outlet and now he’s taking his frustrations out on everybody else. They get the undisguised Sugar Ray to come and tell Tony that he was tricked and so he starts fighting again. In the end we see him take on three guys at once. 

            Tony was played by Rocky Graziano, a former middleweight champion who really was knocked out by Sugar Ray Robinson. 

            Sugar Ray played himself. His birth name was Walker Smith. He started using the name of Ray Robinson when he was an amateur so his mother wouldn’t find out he was boxing. He was undefeated as an amateur in all 85 of his fights with 69 knockouts and 42 of them in the first round. As a pro his first loss was to Jake LaMotta but he beat LaMotta five times after that. He was world champion six times in his 25 year career with over 100 knockouts. He knocked out Jimmy Doyle in 1947 who died as a result so he bought Doyle’s mother a house. In 1949 he was on a European tour and knocked out Gerard Hecht with a kidney punch, which would have been legal in the US but not in Europe and so he was disqualified. In 1952 he retired and spent two and a half years as a singer and tap dancer. He returned to boxing in 1955. He fought in a variety of styles depending on who he was fighting. He retired at 45, with almost no money after having spent millions on a lavish lifestyle and having been ripped off by his accountant. He is still considered to be the best boxer of all time and was idolized by Muhammed Ali who fought in a heavier weight class. He was friends with Frank Sinatra. He owned an entire block in Harlem. He always travelled with an entourage of twenty and paid all their bills. These included a secretary, a masseur, a barber, beautiful women, a dwarf mascot, and a voice coach. He always owned a brand new pink Cadillac convertible. During WWII he was drafted into the US army and served by doing exhibition boxing matches for the troops but refused to fight for segregated audiences.

January 25, 1996: I probably worked at an art school

Thirty years ago today

            On Thursday I might have worked and if I did it probably would have either been at the Ontario College of Art or at Central Technical School.

Ruth Kobart

            On Friday morning I continued working on memorizing the tenth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I continued trying to memorize the final monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. Both of these songs are so large it’s overwhelming. 

            I weighed 89.05 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice and the B string went out of tune on most of the songs.

            Around midday I finished painting the frame and the front of my bathroom exhaust fan with the Blue Bliss (a shade of turquoise). There were some overlaps into the vent, which I plan to paint with Crazy in Love (pink). Next time when I add the Crazy in Love I’ll lay down some Frog Tape first to make the lines straighter. 

            I weighed 89 kilos before lunch, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since last Friday. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride. My wheels slipped on the ramp just before Dovercourt on the Bloor bike lane so I decided to only go as far as Ossington. I didn’t realize until I got to Dundas that I’d gone south on Dovercourt, which I tend to avoid in the winter but it was fine. 

            I weighed 89.95 kilos at 18:00. December 29 was the last evening when I pushed the scale that high. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:02. 

            I recorded from cassette through audio interface to Audacity and then copied to my hard drive the finale of my fourth and I think last 20,000 Poets Under the League slam. It was hosted by the vivacious and flamboyant Sahara Spracklin. The three judges each selected three finalists and the nine finalists each read a second poem. I didn’t like the second poems of any of my choices and so I picked my winner from one of the other judge’s second or third choices. I remember that Peter Fruchter was pissed off that I’d commented when I announced my choice that the second poems of my picks sucked.

            I also recorded the beginning of what I think was my second 20,000 Poets Under the League slam. This one was hosted by Mark Critoph. 

            I had the good parts of two small potatoes with gravy and a slice of roast pork with peach chutney while watching the antepenultimate episode of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            A phony publisher is active in the Bronx. It convinces people they are writers and then get money in advance from them under the pretence of publishing their book. One of the victims is the adult son of Mrs. Abernathy and he and his mother are now at the 53rd Precinct where she wants to press charges but her son doesn’t agree because he feels the publishers in question are the only ones who ever believed in him. Mrs. Abernathy says her son got the $300 ($3000 in today’s money) from her after saying he wanted to get his teeth straightened. 

            His book is called “Millard Flaggenbaum, the Father of Our Country”. He claims to have documented proof that Millard Flaggenbaum was the first president of the United States. He says George Washington, whose real name was Harold Kramer, was a front put in the White House by the Powdered Wig Lobby. The PWL is still around and they are behind President Kennedy’s long haircut. He’s in their power. He also says that Otto Schmidlap was the 16th president and Abraham Lincoln was really a front for the beard lobby and that’s in his next book: “The Truth About the Civil War”. He has proof that the Civil War was really just a fight between the Hair Lobby and the Razor Interests. 

            It’s suggested that Sylvia Schnauser could serve as a decoy to nab the fake publishers because she used to be an actor. Sylvia comes in wearing a veil and overflowing with drama as she thinks she’s being enlisted as a super spy. She is told to just behave like an ordinary housewife because that’s who this publisher preys upon. Captain Block gives her a note with the address then she eats it and asks if he has another. 

           The publishers are playing cards when Sylvia walks in. Immediately they begin claiming they feel the same electricity from her that they felt when Edna Ferber walked through that door with the script of “Back Street” in her shopping bag (“Back Street” is not by Edna Ferber but Fannie Hurst and it becomes public domain this year). They say she is obviously a woman who’s had many loves and she just has to write them down. She remembers her first love was a pot roast dripping in heavenly gravy and caressed with just a touch of onion. She says because of her eating problem she once tried to hang herself but the rope started to look like a salami and she ate it. They encourage her to write a cookbook called “The Loves of Sylvia Schnauser”. She pays them the $150. 

            Sylvia sits at the typewriter. She types the title “The 51 Loves of Sylvia Schnauser” and writes down “basil herb”. Schnauser, Toody, and Muldoon come in to get the evidence against the publishers but she refuses to file charges against the men who discovered the real Sylvia Schnauser. We get the first threat of marital violence to appear in an episode of this show when Leo threatens to splatter her over the walls. Leo reads the title and is shocked because he thinks she’s talking about men. He reads “Herb” and “Basil” and thinks they are the names of two of her boyfriends. He researches the police personnel files and finds that Herb Meloski and Basil Bannister were transferred out of the precinct twelve years ago. Leo starts asking Toody if he remembers two guys transferred because of affairs with another cop’s wife whose name starts with an “S”. Toody knows nothing about it but his suggestive mind thinks he remembers all of that. 

            This talk about scandals gets mixed up with the information that Sylvia is writing a book and the rumour spreads like wildfire throughout the precinct that Sylvia is writing a book about the scandals of the 53rd Precinct. Each cop begins to remember innocent things they did that could in certain light be viewed as scandalous. For example that time at a party when an officer’s wife sat on Captain Block’s knee as they did a skit in which they were pretending to be a ventriloquist and his dummy. Someone says the book will be called “Precinct Place” (Like “Peyton Place” which was already a scandalous novel but not yet a TV series). 

            Leo is obsessed with finding the names of the other 49 lovers he thinks are in Sylvia’s book. Leo is about to come home when he hears Officer Nicholson in his apartment talking with Sylvia and he thinks he’s one of her old boyfriends. Nicholson is just there to relate the incident that he was involved in that could be scandalized and to ask her not to put it in his book. She assures him it won’t be. Leo hides in the hallway as a steady stream of officers come to see Sylvia for similar reasons. 

            Muldoon and Toody go to Discovery Publishers to warn them not to publish Sylvia’s book. They don’t even remember who Sylvia is but assume if the police want to stop it the book must be sexy trash that would be lucrative for them to publish. Muldoon and Toody go to every publisher in the building and now even the publisher of Physics texts wants her book. They all go to Sylvia and make bids of thousands of dollars for her book. She accepts $5,000 from Discovery and hands them the manuscript. They are very disappointed to see it’s a cookbook. Captain Block tells them they have 24 hours to get out of New York. Sylvia gives the $5000 to Block to distribute to the people who were ripped off by Discovery. She tells Leo there’s only one love in her life: Hungarian goulash. 

            Then Sylvia decides to write the book the guys at the precinct all thought she was writing: “Precinct Place”. 

            Mrs. Abernathy was played by Ruth Kobart, who began as an opera singer and was a member of the American Conservatory Theatre from 1967 to 1994. She made her theatrical debut in the off Broadway production of Hansel and Gretel as the witch. She made her Broadway debut in Pipe Dream in 1955. She created the role of Agata in Maria Golovin at Expo 58 in Brussels. She created the role of Arina in The Marriage. She played Miss Jones in the Broadway production of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying in 1961 and reprised her role in the film. She was nominated for a Tony for her performance in A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum. She was the voice of Malicia in the game King’s Quest VII. She played Iris Frankel on the sitcom Bob.

January 24, 1996: I performed at Fat Albert's and the Art Bar reading series

Thirty years ago

            On Wednesday evening I performed on the Fat Albert’s open stage and then went to the Art Bar reading series for the open stage there.

Sandu Scott

            On Thursday morning I worked on memorizing the tenth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I continued trying to memorize the final monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I might have it done in a couple of days. 

            I weighed 89.05 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it went out of tune on almost every song. I think it’s because the action is too low. 

            Around midday I applied Proofide to the top and underside of my Brooks leather seat on my Surly bike. After a few hours I buffed the top. I might have time to do the Brooks seat on my Raleigh on Sunday. 

            I weighed 89.85 kilos before lunch, which is the most I’ve weighed in the early afternoon since January 12. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride but while going up Brock Avenue my tire slipped slightly on a manhole cover and so I decided not to go all the way up to Bloor. I turned right on College, went south on Gladstone and stopped at Freshco. I bought seven bags of red grapes, two packs of blackberries, a pack of raspberries, some bananas, a pack of chicken legs, a sirloin tip roast, a box of spoon sized shredded wheat, and two packs of Full City Dark coffee. I did a price match on the grapes at $4.37 a kilo but the cashier only let me do the match for four bags. She’s nice but she’s a bit of a stickler and so next time I have price matches I’ll avoid her. 

            I weighed 89.35 kilos at 18:05. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:12. 

            I recorded from cassette tape to audio interface to Audacity and then copied to my hard drive side one of the finale of my 20,000 Poets Under the League slam hosted by Sahara Spracklin. 

            I edited my Photos folder, deleting several images and putting others into sub-folders. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a slice of roast pork with peach chutney while watching season 2, episode 27 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Lucille is turning 40 and feeling old and so Toody wants to get her a present that makes her feel special. The next day he sees Sgt. McBride kissing a beautiful blonde and is surprised because he’s married. Then he finds out that the beautiful blonde is actually Mrs. McBride in a wig and decides that he wants to buy Lucille a wig for her birthday. 

            He goes to Miss Allison’s wig shop but can’t decide whether to get Lucille a blonde or a brunette wig. She offers to send them both to his house so he can decide overnight and then bring them back tomorrow. That night he has Muldoon model the wigs for him while wearing Lucille’s earrings, necklace and robe. Meanwhile Sylvia Schnauser drags Leo over to Toody’s place because she promised Lucille she’d look in on him while Lucille is visiting her sister for one night (It’s odd that she’d ask her to do that for an overnight trip when she already knows Muldoon will be staying with him). Sylvia opens the door without knocking and when she sees Muldoon from the back in the blonde wig she thinks that Toody is with another woman. 

           Toody decides on the blonde wig but Miss Allison tells him she needs to know Lucille’s head size. He asks her if she can think of how he can measure Lucille’s head without her knowing and she agrees to meet him later in a restaurant to tell him what she comes up with. Meanwhile Sylvia arranges to meet Lucille in the same restaurant to break it to her that Toody is having an affair. Lucille thinks it’s funny and explains that Francis Muldoon was with Toody and he probably brought a friend over. Lucille goes to call Toody to let him know she’s back and then Sylvia sees a beautiful blonde come in and sit down with Toody at a nearby booth behind a barrier so she can hear but not see them. The woman tells Toody to wait until Lucille is asleep and then wrap this scarf tightly around her. Of course Toody knows she means Lucille’s head but Sylvia concludes it’s a plot to kill Lucille. Toody and Miss Allison leave, then Lucille comes back and Sylvia tells her but of course she doesn’t believe her. 

            But that night Lucille wakes up to see Toody leaning over her with the scarf in both his hands and she screams and faints. Toody measures her head then calls Miss Allison who agrees to open the store to fit the wig. Meanwhile Lucille comes to and calls Sylvia to tell her she was right. Sylvia forces Leo out of bed and they rush over. Sylvia walks in to see Toody standing with a wig box and thinks Lucille’s head is inside then faints. Then Lucille sees him and faints as well but when she regains consciousness he gives her the wig and says happy birthday. She smiles and that’s the end. 

            Miss Allison was played by Sandu Scott, who before she entered show business was a champion backstroke swimmer. She won the Miss New York beauty pageant in 1951 but lost her title when it was discovered she hadn’t lived in New York City long enough to qualify. She studied acting with Lee Strasberg but was more of a lounge singer and an impressionist. Her band Sandu Scott and the Scotties released two singles: “Hopscotch” and “Bridle Path”. They performed on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1948. In 1955 she was booked to sing at some Montreal nightclubs owned by Solly Silver who she married in 1956. She lived in Montreal and commuted to New York. In 1959 she hosted the variety show Anything Goes for ABC in New York. She split from Solly around 1960 when he was getting trouble with the Montreal Mafia. She continued to perform in Montreal and was a very popular feature at clubs like the Queen Elizabeth Hotel. On December 20, 1964 she was backed by The Thunderbolts on the Ed Sullivan Show. Lee Greenwood, Felix Caveliere, and Dino Danelli were members of the band. The last two would later form The Rascals. In 1965 she married Marco von Nesselhauf. They settled in Puerto Rico to raise horses.

January 23, 1996: I hosted my open stage at the Gladstone Hotel

Thirty years ago today 

            As always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel.

Rae Allen

            On Wednesday morning I memorized the ninth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. There are eight verses left but with some repeated lines they work out to about six verses. 

            I memorized the first five lines of the final monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I weighed 88.35 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the last of two sessions. It went out of tune a lot in the beginning but behaved itself for the most part in the second half. 

            Around midday I started adding the third and final colour (Blue Bliss, a shade of turquoise) to my bathroom beginning with the frame of the bathroom exhaust fan. It was very time consuming because I had to use a small brush and keep from crossing into the main wall colour which is kind of a pinkish purple. I only got about half of the frame done and it’ll need more than one coat. I’ll have time to do some more on Friday but it’s going to take a long time to finish the bathroom. 

            I weighed 89.55 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar, peanut butter, and a glass of iced tea. 

            In the afternoon I tried to take a bike ride but there was more snow and Seaforth was slippery, so I only went around the block. 

            I weighed 89.7 kilos at 17:10, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since January 12. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:25. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then saved to my hard drive side 2 of the finale of my first 20,000 Poets Under the League slam. It was hosted by Cad Lowlife.

            I reviewed the song practice videos of my performances of “Why I Drink” on September 28, 2024 and October 12, 2024. I played it a little better on October 12 but I won’t be rendering it in Movie Maker. I’ll wait until my next recording project when I’ll have more takes to compare and a better version. 

            I reviewed the song practice videos of my performances of “The Butcher’s Tango” on September 28, 2024 and October 12, 2024. On September 28 the final take was okay. On October 12 the camera battery charge ran out before I could finish. 

            I reviewed the song practice video of my performance of “When I Will Have the Wind in My Hollow Skull” on September 28, 2024 and the take at 115:00 was not bad. 

            I reviewed the song practice video of my performance of “Do Me Bad Johnny” on September 28, 2024 and the camera battery charge ran out during the song. 

            That completes my reviews of my 2024 recording project. I’m hoping to record again this year from June 1 to July 15. I want to make sure that my Martin, my Kramer, and my Gibson are all sounding good this time. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara sauce, tomato pesto, a chopped grass-fed beef burger and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore while watching season 2, episode 26 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Thelma Eisenberg wants the Wedding Bells Matrimonial Agency shut down and its owner arrested for scamming her father. The agency has matched him with Joan Crawford. He admits it’s not definite yet but he’s already buying clothes he needs to spend half the year in Beverly Hills. Then the precinct’s elderly cleaning lady gives her notice because she plans to leave for California soon to marry Charles Boyer. 

            Toody and Muldoon go to the agency only to discover that it’s run by Mrs. Bronson, who they and we’ve encountered on two previous occasions. Knowing that Muldoon isn’t married she immediately begins to name off movie stars as potential wives for him. Muldoon tells her Thelma Eisenberg has filed a complaint. Bronson says if it wasn’t for Thelma’s big mouth she could have gotten her Gregory Peck. She tells Muldoon if he’d only been there yesterday he could have had Kim Novak but Mr. Fidenbaum the Iceman grabbed her. Bronson reads them letters from Joan Crawford thanking her for her concern but telling her she’s not considering marriage and she’s returning the salami. Bronson says Joan is playing hard to get. Then she reads a letter from Crawford’s lawyer telling her to cease and desist. Bronson says never once does Joan say “No”. Then Bronson says she’s found a match for Muldoon in Anita Ekberg. Muldoon says it’s ridiculous but Bronson warns him not to lose Anita like he lost Kim to Mr. Fidenbaum. Muldoon argues that Kim Novak would be a better match for him since she has an apartment in New York and Bronson should give Anita to Fidenbaum. Then Captain Block walks in and Muldoon realizes that he temporarily lost his mind. Block sends them away and says he’ll handle it. He tells her he’s married and so her scam won’t work on him but Bronson says, “Poor Ava Gardner!” Ava wants a man who will take her on fishing trips. 

            Thelma comes back to the police station with her father saying she’s just caught him downtown buying an engagement ring. They find Block arguing with his wife about how she never goes fishing with him. Then Block realizes he temporarily lost his mind. 

            The Frauds and Rackets squad is called to shut down Mrs. Bronson. Agent Megginson confronts Bronson but when he uses the word “accoutrements” she thinks he speaks French and matches him with Brigitte Bardot. She takes Megginson’s picture from his government ID to send to BB. He goes back to tell his boss he'd better get someone else for the case because he might be leaving for Paris at any minute. 

            Agent Callahan is sent to Bronson who says her husband must be proud of her. Callahan says she has no intention to get married but Bronson says she should be ashamed to deny a man such an enchanting woman. Callahan goes back to headquarters to announce that she’s marrying Eddy Fisher because he needs her. Her boss Inspector Brown goes to shut down Bronson. 

            They finally get Bronson in court where on the witness stand she explains that she’s just trying to make the movie stars happy by matching them with people from the Bronx who are the happiest people in the world. Muldoon is put on the stand and is asked how many of Bronson’s clients have ever got married. He answers that they all have. For example, Mr. Eisenberg who was going to marry Joan Crawford and Mrs. Harrigan who was going to wed Charles Boyer are now married to each other. Then the judge marries Megginson and Callahan. Then Bronson matches the judge to Anita Ekberg. 

            Thelma was played by Rae Allen, who played Buttercup in HMS Pinafore for the Sullivan Company in Greenwich Village at the age of 15. She graduated from the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in 1947. She made her theatrical debut on Broadway in 1948 in Where’s Charley? She was nominated for a Tony for her performance in the original production of Damn Yankees. She reprised her role in the film adaption. She also received a Tony nomination for Traveller Without Luggage. In 1971 she won the Tony for her starring role in And Miss Reardon Drinks a Little. She played Quentina Blundetto on The Sopranos. She also directed several plays.

January 22, 1996: I was looking for a new place

Thirty years ago today 

            On Monday if I didn’t work I probably looked for a new place to live.

Jake LaMotta

            On Tuesday morning I continued trying to memorize the ninth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I started memorizing the final monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I weighed 88.5 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of two sessions. It went out of tune a lot more than usual but not even close to how badly the electrics are going out these days. 

            Around midday I went over to Home Hardware walking with my bike trailer. I wanted to buy the Blue Bliss colour paint but in French it’s called Euphorie Bleue so I told them I was there to get high and they thought I was weird. The 3.85 liter cans were on sale for $32.97 while the 911 ml cans were $21.00. I don’t think I need that much but I think it’s better to have too much so I got the big can. I also bought a new roller, a new brush, some Frog Tape, and two jugs of cleaning vinegar. I used my new digital Scene card for the first time. I had time to put some Frog tape on the vent part of my fan casing. I plan to paint the casing Blue Bliss (turquoise) but the vent grate as Crazy in Love (pink). I’ll start tomorrow. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before lunch. 

            I took a siesta and then took a bike ride. The sun was still out and when I got to Bloor I checked my phone. As I suspected I’d only slept half an hour and left an hour earlier than usual. I rode to Ossington and Bloor. When I got home I went back to bed for an hour while my upstairs neighbour was stomping on the floor again. 

            I weighed 89.15 kilos at 17:35, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since last Tuesday.

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:06. 

            I recorded from cassette through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive side one of the last part of my first 20,000 Poets Under the League slam, hosted by Cad Lowlife. 

            I reviewed the videos of my song practice performances of “The Deserter” on September 28, 2024 and October 12 of the same year. In both cases the final takes weren’t bad. I think my whistling was a little better on October 12. I’m not going to render it in Movie Maker though. I’ll do it better in the next recording project. 

            I reviewed the video of my song practice performance of “Why I Drink” on September 12, 2024 but the camera battery charge ran out before the last three words. 

            I had the good parts of two small potatoes with gravy and a slice of roast pork while watching season 2, episode 25 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Danny, a gangleader whose schemes always fail decides to copy the crimes that are written for a show called Crime Busters. Bugsy, one of the gang members points out that the crooks always get caught but Danny reminds him that the host always points out what the crooks did wrong in the end. So all they have to do is copy the crime and correct the mistake. But while they are watching Crime Busters and making notes, Toody is also watching the show. 

            The next day when the police are called in to investigate, Toody solves the crime without remembering that he saw it all on TV. The Inspector is impressed with Toody’s detective work. The next week there’s a bank robbery based on that week’s episode, which Toody also watches and solves unconsciously. Now the inspector specifically calls Toody in to help and Captain Block is relegated to taking notes. 

            The next week the crooks watch the show again, this time about a museum robbery but this time Muldoon removes the knobs from Toody’s TV because they are supposed to be reading books on crime detection and taking notes. After they’ve studied four hours Muldoon puts the knobs back on and they watch a production of Hamlet. So when Toody is called in to solve the museum robbery he only thinks that the uncle who is the king of Denmark committed the crime. 

            The next day at the Federal Broadcasting Company they realize that a gang of crooks is copying their episodes of Crime Busters. To avoid accusations of instigating crime the president orders Crime Busters off the air and replaced by Peter Rabbit. 

            Toody realizes that he got his crime solutions from Crime Busters because a gang has been copying the shows. He and Muldoon decide to try to stop the gang by watching Crime Busters that night. The TV listings still have Crime Busters on the schedule with the subject being a warehouse robbery. Both the gang and the team of Toody and Muldoon watch Peter Rabbit stealing cabbages from farmer Brown and still think it’s an episode of Crime Busters. Toody concludes the crooks will be robbing Brown’s produce warehouse and calls the inspector. When the inspector and the commissioner hear Toody talking about Peter Rabbit they think they are wasting their time but then the gang shows up all wearing bunny costumes and they are caught. 

            Bugsy on this episode was played by played by Jake LaMotta and he played other characters (mostly gang members) on other episodes. When he was a child his father forced him to fight other boys for the entertainment of his friends. He learned to box while in the reformatory for attempted robbery. In his 14 year career as a professional boxer LaMotta was only knocked out once. He won the Middleweight Title and held onto it twice. He was the first fighter to beat Sugar Ray Robinson although he only beat him once out of six times. His ability to win fights came more from his capacity to take punches with one of the greatest chins in boxing history and just to stay close and keep scrapping until the other guy was down rather than having any precision skill at punching. He admitted to once throwing a fight because of Mafia involvement in the sport. His autobiography was called Raging Bull and the film starring Robert DeNiro was based on it. To prepare for the film DeNiro trained with LaMotta. LaMotta said DeNiro has the makings of a champion boxer and he could train him if he ever wanted to give up acting. DeNiro won an Oscar for his performance. LaMotta said the three toughest boxers he ever fought were Sugar Ray Robinson, Sugar Ray Robinson, and Sugar Ray Robinson. He said he fought Sugar so many times it’s a wonder he didn’t get diabetes.

January 21, 1996: I spent the day with my four and a half year old daughter

Thirty years ago today

            On Sunday I spent the day with my four and a half year old daughter.

B.S. Pully

            On Monday morning I finished memorizing the first monologue in Zizi Jeanmaire’s performance of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. The second monologue should be a lot easier as she’s asking someone simple questions and some of them are in English. 

            I weighed 88.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice for the last of two sessions and it went out of tune a lot. 

            I was sitting naked in front of my computer watching a video before going to the bathroom to shave and shower when my landlord and a bunch of guys walked in. I’m not shy about being seen naked but I hate my landlord coming in uninvited. I walked up to him nude and confronted him about coming into my place without permission. I took satisfaction in knowing it embarrassed the fuck out of him and I’m pretty sure he’ll think twice before just coming in from now on. He claims he knocked but he usually knocks a lot louder. He was walking with a cane and so maybe his knocking hand was occupied. Anyway they were there to check on the smoke detector and so I put my sweat pants on and the guy came back a few minutes later to just poke it to see if it works. Maybe the third guy was Raja’s son helping him take the garbage to the dump to further pollute Canada. If not for that incident I might have had time to treat one of my leather bicycle seats as I’ve been planning to do. Maybe I’ll have time to do that on Thursday now. 

            I weighed 89.7 kilos before lunch, which is the most I’ve weighed in the early afternoon since last Monday. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride but didn’t go downtown this time either. There’s a very narrow cowpath in the middle of the ice on the Bloor bike lane. I didn’t slip but I didn’t want to risk it so I only went as far as Ossington. I stopped at Freshco on the way home where I bought seven bags of red grapes, a pack of toilet paper, and a pack of Sponge Towels. I did a price match on the grapes with Real Canadian Super Store at $4.39 a kilo. Priscilla reminded me that I could have gotten a big discount on the toilet paper with a Scene Card. I always thought it was a scam. When I got home I looked up how supermarkets make money with Scene cards. It seems that they only make a profit if the deals for card holders compel people to buy things they don’t normally buy. I guess it could happen with me but it might not. I went online and got a digital Scene card to keep on my phone. 

            I weighed 88.95 kilos at 18:30. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:37. 

            I recorded from cassette through audio interface to Audacity then saved to my hard drive side 2 of the recording of the 2nd set of my first 20,000 Poets Under the League slam, hosted by Cad Lowlife.

            I reviewed the video of my song practice performance of “Le déserteur” on September 15, 2024 but the camera battery charge ran out before I could finish. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a slice of roast pork while watching season 2, episode 24 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Toody and Muldoon coach a Police Athletic League basketball team of boys but the team is playing poorly. One of the reasons is that one of the players, Joel has his bar mitzvah approaching and he’s depressed because no one is coming. Everybody likes Joel but they hate his father Pokrass the nasty landlord more than they love Joel. Toody promises that not only will he and Muldoon come but they’ll have the synagogue packed. But they can’t find anyone that wants to be in the same room with Pokrass. Katz the butcher would rather die. He says mentioning Pokrass in his shop will spoil the meat. He said he froze in a Pokrass building for nine winters. He says the lease says painting every two years but not your apartment but Pokrass’s. Tenants also have to serve him supper. Mrs. Kramer says she’ll dance if Pokrass is run over by a truck. Even Schnauser won’t go because Pokrass is his brother in law’s landlord. Toody and Muldoon go to see Pokrass and tell him what a nice kid he has. Pokrass says he’ll grow out of being nice. Pokrass says he sent out 50 invitations and got 54 rejections so this will teach Joel that people are undependable. They go to see the rabbi and he calls his friend the Catholic priest who says he’s on a picket line in front of one of Pokrass’s buildings demanding heat. On the day of Joel’s bar mitzvah Toody and Muldoon have still found no one to go. They are about to leave for the synagogue when Captain Block tells them they have to escort several prisoners to night court. Toody gets the idea to take the prisoners to the bar mitzvah on the way to court. Some of the prisoners also don’t want to be in the same room with Pokrass but they are forced. When Pokrass sees people come in to his son’s bar mitzvah his heart starts to melt. Then Schnauser, Katz, Kramer and several others and their families arrive and they are surprised when Pokrass says, “Welcome friends!” After that Pokrass cuts everybody’s rent by half and turns up the heat. This is definitely a fantasy story. Toody and Muldoon are about to confess that they brought prisoners to Joel’s bar mitzvah but Pokrass says he already knew that and when they get out of jail he’s going to give them all jobs. 

            Pokrass was played by B.S. Pully, and the “B.S.” in his stage name actually stood for “bull shit”. He started as a burlesque comedian with blue material. He made his film debut in Four Jills in a Jeep in 1944. He created the role of Big Jule for the original Broadway production of Guys and Dolls and reprised that part in the movie. He co-starred in Nob Hill, and Within These Walls.

January 20, 1996: I spent Saturday with my daughter

Thirty years ago today 

            On Saturday I spent the day with my daughter