Wednesday, 9 December 2015

The Ghost of Christmas Putz


           

            On Monday in the late morning I had my last booking of the year at OCADU. As usual, I took Dundas to get there and everything was going fine until just before Bathurst when some idiot with parcels in his arms came running out in front of me. My bike slammed into him and tipped over hard, slamming me onto the asphalt in front of oncoming traffic. The first thing that hit was my right knee, then a lot of the impact was taken up by my right arm which just stopped my face from hitting the pavement. Fortunately the car behind me stopped in time. I struggled to my feet, picked up my bike and limped to the sidewalk. I noticed that the wheels were dragging because something had been knocked out of alignment. The idiot I’d hit was apologizing and telling me it was totally his fault. No kidding! He asked if I was okay. I told him that I’d landed on my knee. He said that his knee was hurting too and I was thinking, “Really? Who gives a fuck about your knee? Your knee and my knee are both your fault!” While I was examining my bike to see what was wrong, he and his precious parcels slipped away. I was probably injured by the Christmas rush. Both wheels seemed to be catching, but I rode them to work anyway.
            When I arrived at Zorica Vasic’s classroom, she was there talking to another instructor, Diane Pugen. They were both surprised to see me. Zorica hadn’t been told that a model had been booked, but she said it was great. Diane though, thinking that the stage wouldn’t be needed for Zorica’s class had left an elaborate still life display left over from her class that was obviously meant to be used for her next. Zorica offered to help her dismantle it and they set about the task. Zorica told me though that she wouldn’t need me for the first hour of class. I decided then that I would take back a book to the library of the Faculty of Information, but first I took the book out to show to Diane. It was Thomas King’s short story, “A Coyote Columbus Story” as illustrated by William Kent Monkman and I showed it to her because we had been discussing Monkman the last time I’d seen her. Zorica photographed the cover because it tied in with a project she was having her class work on.
            I rode up to Robarts with my sticking wheels. The other aches and pains from my collision with the spirit of Christmas putz were starting to creep in. My upper right arm and my right wrist were both beginning to bother me. I was back in Zorica’s class with still half of the free hour left. I sat in the models dressing room and did some writing.
            The class started seventy minutes late. Zorica wanted me to start with gestures and then said that after that I could pose with my clothing on. I told her I would need an extension chord for the heater. She seemed surprised. “You’re cold?” she asked. I answered, “Ah, yes, I’m quite often cold when I’m naked.” I began with a series of two minute poses. She spent about five minutes looking for a chord and then gave up, because, I guess she figured it didn’t matter if I was cold for twenty minutes if afterwards I’d be clothed.
            After the twenty minutes I took the five-minute break that my union allows and spent that time getting dressed and getting ready to do the long pose for her. After getting everything ready and sitting on the stage, I picked up my phone and started looking for my countdown timer, but the phone was displaying something else, so it was taking longer than the usual ten seconds, though it wouldn’t have taken more than half a minute, but suddenly Zorica said impatiently, “Excuse me! Can we start? We don’t have a lot of time now!” I put the phone down and posed, timing myself with my watch, but she really pissed me off with her attitude, as if I’d somehow been ripping her off for time, even though I’d sacrificed my break to get ready. I found my countdown timer on the next break but she had put me in a bad mood for the rest of the class, plus my injuries were starting to ache more and more as time went on.
            After work I rode home. I thought about taking my ride to Bike Pirates when they opened at 17:00 but I anticipated that it might take much longer than half an hour to do the repairs, and I had to leave at 17:30 to go and meet my friend Ivy Reiss for a beer.
            We were scheduled to meet in front of the Jackman Humanities Building at St George and Bloor for 18:00, but she called me while I was waiting and said she’d be five minutes late and for me to meet her at the corner of St George and Bloor. I sat on the cushioned bench in front of Brooks Brothers Flatiron Shop for about ten minutes, then thinking that Ivy might not see me there, I went and stood right on the corner. She arrived about ten minutes later.
            She was very stressed over the course she’s taking. The entire syllabus is taken up with the study of one novel, Thomas Fielding’s “Tom Jones”. She had just met the deadline for her term essay, but she said the essay wasn’t finished and she wanted to get an extension from her professor but he was out of town until the fifteenth. She had already failed a test and so she needed this essay to pass the course and graduate.
            We walked west on Bloor, and when we got to the next block she pointed up the street to The Madison. So, coincidentally, two nights in a row, I drank at the Madison when I haven’t been there since 2008.
            We talked some more about her course and then about mine, which she also took and loved. I brought up the subject of the story of Lilith being Adam’s first wife. She said something about Adam and Eve that I hadn’t thought before. Since Eve was made from Adam’s body, she’s essentially his daughter, which makes the entire lineage of humanity in Judaism, Christianity and Islam based on incest.
            I also learned that Ivy’s parents were born in Germany. I know she speaks Hungarian and so that’s what I thought her ethnic background was, but she said that her parents were both forced into the Hitler youth until they escaped to Hungary in the early 1940s.
            We each had a pint and a half and had a pleasant get together, which only tends to happen about once a year.
            That night I watched a couple more episodes of Radar Men from the Moon, taking me up to episode seven. Setting up storylines to correspond to cliffhanger endings makes the series as a whole seem very slow. The acting is pretty bad and Commando Cody’s boss looks like a young mobster and his speaking is more wooden than that of a porn star, no pun intended. The Commando Cody series that was made later based on this one uses many of the same basic plotlines but there’s better acting and a more interesting back-story, although calling him “Sky Marshal of the Universe” is pretty damn pretentious. It’s like calling the United States of America, “America”.

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