On Wester Sunday
we commemorate the day that Sea Jazz the sin surfer was southern fried by the
Hodaddies on Valley Girl Hill. Except that he really wasn't southern fried but
rather a thousand of his time clones were crucifried on surfboards during the
last midnight snack at the Whoadaddy Drive-in where Sea Jazz turned axel grease
into chocolate milkshakes and Mary the time travelling prostitute, who was also
the mother of Sea Jazz, phased herself back and forth in time a thousand times
in ten minutes to give birth to a thousand baby Sea Jazzes with which to feed
the multidudes. But it was the vampire Hodaddies and their queen Salome that
had it in for Sea Jazz and his surfin safari rebels because they were taking
over the beach with their aggro tude towards shooting curls, especially by Sea
Jazz with his invisible surfboard that made him look like he was walking on the
waves. The jazzciples had to go because the beach was for dune buggie dudes and
chicks and not surfers with wahinis in bikinis.
On Easter Sunday I had three strips
of bacon, an egg and a piece of toast for breakfast while watching an episode
of The Rifleman. This story begins with John Hamilton the banker (now suddenly
with an Irish accent) foreclosing on the farm of the alcoholic Sam Elder. He's
given Sam lots of chances and tells him he still has the option of getting his
farm back if he stops drinking and blowing all his money. Sam promises he will
kill anyone that tries to take his farm away. He storms out of the bank and
immediately has a heart attack and dies in the middle of the street. Sam’s
18-year-old son, Tim is given a job by Lucas McCain. Lucas also persuades
Hamilton to give Tim a chance to buy back the farm. Meanwhile, although Tim is
working hard for Lucas, he blames Hamilton for his father’s death and with some
of his pay he buys two rifles. He tries to give one of them to Hamilton and
challenges him to fight but Hamilton refuses. Tim is going to shoot Hamilton
anyway when Lucas shoots the gun from his hands. He then gets Hamilton to
demonstrate what a good shot he is and shows Tim that he wouldn’t have stood a
chance. Tim realizes the error of his ways and gets his father’s ranch back.
I was disappointed because this
episode was called “Boomerang” and yet there were no boomerangs in the story. I
guess it was metaphorical.
I had old cheddar on toast for
lunch.
I got caught up on my journal and
posted my first Food Bank Adventure in three months to newz4u.ca.
I grilled three strip loin steaks
and had one of them for dinner with a beer while watching the final episode of
the first season of The Rifleman. This story begins with a man named Hallager
being murdered by an unknown assassin firing a shotgun from an alley. The next
day Lucas and Mark are on their way to town when they encounter the wagon of
James Barrow McBride, who is on his way to North Fork to perform a mind reading
act. Lucas goes to the jail to talk with Billy, who has been arrested for the
murder of Hallager. The sheriff considers Billy the most likely murderer
because the fact that Hallager forbade his daughter Lucy from seeing him gives
Billy a motive and because it was Billy’s gun that killed Hallager. In
McBride’s mind reading act he answers several questions that audience members
wrote on pieces of paper, without reading them. One of the questions he answers
suggests that he has information about the Hallager murder. The sheriff and
Lucas come to question him after the show but McBride says he’s too tired and
will talk with them the next day, But McBride sneaks out of North Fork early in
the morning. Lucy brings lunch to Billy in jail and pulls a gun on the sheriff
to bust Billy out of jail. Billy reluctantly rides away. Meanwhile there has
been a salesman named Fogerty at the hotel playing poker with a local man named
Joe with a reputation for cheating. Lucas tells the salesman that he’s figured
out a possible way that McBride does his mind reading tricks. He has a man ride
ahead for a few days to talk with people and gather gossip. Fogerty admits that
that man is he. He says the best way to get information is from the town drunk.
The drunk is Vic Perrin and he did indeed witness the murder. He tells Lucas
that he didn’t see the man but heard the jingling of change in the man’s
pockets as he ran away. Lucas figures that could only be someone who’s just won
a poker game. Suddenly Joe is there with a gun. He tells Lucas to turn over his
rifle but Lucas does the fancy spin that cocks his gun and he fires.
I’m not going to bother downloading
the second season of The Rifleman. The first season had its moments but it was
a little too sentimental for me.
I had a thin slice of pie with
yogourt for dessert and watched the second half of a Saturday Night Live show
from five years ago with guest host Jim Parsons and musical guest, Beck. Jim
Parsons’s skits were not very funny and Beck has gotten less entertaining the
more interesting he’s become. The only funny segment was Weekend Update,
especially the part with the 19th Century film reviewer who has seen
every movie ever made and hates every one of them.
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