John Wesley Hardin

            On Tuesday I wrote a couple of alternative verses for my translation of Serge Gainsbourg’s “Frankenstein”. But I realized that since my alternative version is more faithful to Mary Shelley’s novel then I will need to write at least two more verses than the original song has. Since Gainsbourg’s song is based on the Frankenstein film that says the monster committed murder because it was given the heart of a murderer, that makes the story much simpler. But to tell the original story of the monster killing Frankenstein’s loved ones because Victor hated and abandoned him requires more explanation.

            I went onto the Canada Pension website to apply for my pension but found I had to register with Services Canada first. In order to do that I needed to get an access code. I sent in a request to have one mailed but then realized that I am already registered with Services Canada from when I applied for OSAP. I’ll have to wait for the access code now but I’ve got a lot of time, so it’s no big deal.

            I decided to make a second try at opening my computer. I grabbed my screwdriver and looked to unscrew the right side this time. I saw that there were no screws and was puzzled until I suddenly realized that the rectangle sitting inside of the square hole on the right side is actually a latch. I pulled it a few times and the right casing came off.

            Considering that I’ve had this computer for almost five years and had never opened it before there was surprisingly little dust. I had cats when I bought it and I was sure I would find cat hair inside.

            While I was blowing the dust out of the computer with canned air I was running water to thaw out an eye of round roast. Suddenly I realized that the sink was plugged and it might be overflowing. I caught it just as the water started sliding over the counter and onto the floor. I was able to dry the floor with two cloth towels and several paper towels but just as I finished the phone rang. Water was leaking through the ceiling into the donut shop and the manager had called the landlord. He was yelling at me and telling me he was going to charge me $400 for the damage. He talked about all the other times I’ve done this but it’s actually been a few years since I’ve let something overflow in my place through my own negligence. The last time there was a leak downstairs it didn’t come from my place. The time before that was when my toilet overflowed after I flushed it and went to work. I don’t consider that my fault because it was a malfunction of his equipment.

            I took a siesta and slept for a few minutes but then I was wide awake so I got up after half an hour.

            I took a short bike ride to Sorauren, back to Jameson, down to King, west to Beaty, back up to Queen and then home. When I got home I did some exercises for my hip muscles.

            I rubbed the eye of round roast with oil, salt, pepper, thyme and garlic powder and then roasted it for two hours. I boiled a potato, sautéed a zucchini with onion and jalapenos and heated some gravy and had them with an end slice of the roast while watching two episodes of Stories of the Century.

            The first was about John Wesley Hardin and it begins with him and his men driving a herd across Indian Territory. Two indigenous warriors stop him and tell him that by law he has to pay them one cent for every head of cattle, which would come out to $120. Hardin offers the warrior double or nothing on a high card draw but the warrior wins. Hardin pays him $240 but then shoots both warriors in the back and takes back his money. Hardin sells the cattle but after they are shipped he and his men board the train and when it slows down he drives the herd out of the cars to drive and sell again. The train seemed to be moving way to fast to get all those cattle to jump off and not get injured. Later Hardin was arrested and sentenced to a long term during which he studied to be a lawyer and graduated with honours. After he was released from prison he set up a practice in El Paso but he fell back on his old ways and was involved in another murder. When the sheriff came to arrest him they had a shootout but Hardin was out of practice and was killed.

            In the real story it turns out that John Wesley Hardin and I share the same birthday of May 26, but 102 years earlier and in Texas. He was the son of a Methodist preacher and killed his first man, a former slave, at the age of 15. He claimed that when three Union soldiers came to arrest him he killed them and went on the run. Hardin's holsters were sewn into his vest with the butts of his pistols pointing inward because he said it’s faster to draw with one’s arms crossed. In his late teens Hardin joined his Clement cousins in the cattle driving trade, some of it legitimate and some of it rustling. There were a lot of gunfights along the way with other cowboys, Mexicans and Indians. In Abilene, Kansas, while living under the alias of “Little Arkansaw" he had a run-in with the town marshal, Wild Bill Hickok. They both backed down and seemed to become friends after that, with Hickok bending the law for Hardin on more than one occasion. One night while staying in The American Hotel, Hardin’s was awakened by the snoring in the next room of his friend Charles Couger. Hardin fired through the wall to wake him up but shot Couger in the head. At the age of 19 Hardin married Jane Bowen and he decided he wanted to settle down. He surrendered to the law but when he found out how many murders he would be charged with he escaped. At 20 Hardin was involved in the lynching of a black man in Florida then he reunited with his wife and daughter Dorothy in Texas. He killed a popular deputy sheriff named Webb and a lynch mob came after him. In 1877 he was captured on a train in Florida when his pistol got stuck in his suspenders. At the age of 23 when he was sentenced to 24 years in prison he admitted to having killed 42 men but only 27 killings can be corroborated. He was a well-known exaggerator and liar about his own life. While in prison he wrote a wildly exaggerated autobiography and studied hard to become a lawyer. He was released after 17 years, he was pardoned and he passed the bar to become a lawyer. Shortly after that he killed a man by shooting a soapbox out from under him and he died from the fall. In 1895 he married a 15-year-old named Callie Lewis but he left her right away and moved to El Paso. Hardin argued with a father and son team of constables named Selman. Later while Hardin was gambling in a saloon, the senior Selman, also a former outlaw, walked up behind Hardin and shot him in the head. In 1995 some of Hardin’s great grandchildren tried to have his body moved from El Paso to Nixon, Texas, but El Paso won.

            The second story was about Joaquin Murietta who killed and robbed miners during the California gold rush. He buried the gold beside his family Hacienda. The authorities came for him and while escaping he was shot off of a high rock in the desert.

            His girlfriend Maria, who he stabs after she tries to stab him was played by Charlita. She was in a bizarre movie called “Bela Legosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla” which seemed to be a kind of 50s science fiction musical horror comedy “Dumb and Dumber".

                               

            In the real story of Murietta he was known as the Robin Hood of the West and he started out as a gold miner. He experienced prejudice from the non-Hispanic miners. After being accused of stealing a mule he was whipped, his brother was hanged and his wife was raped. He became an outlaw after hunting down and killing all the men involved. Murietta was the basis for the fictional character of Zorro. He started a crime family that stole and sold mustangs and robbed and killed miners. In 1853 an organization was formed called The California State Rangers specifically to capture Joaquin's gang and in a confrontation later that year three of the gang were killed, including Joaquin.

            That night my right hip and leg felt very tense when I went to bed and I had trouble sleeping.