Food Bank Adventures: Shadow Wrestling

                           

            On Saturday morning I finished posting my translation of “On n’est pas la pour se faire engueuler” (We Didn't Here to Be Shouted At) by Boris Vian. The next of his songs I work on will be “Bourrée de complexes" (Loaded With Complexes).

            I worked out about half the chords to “Aéroplanes” by Serge Gainsbourg.

            At 9:30 I got ready to go to the food bank. Over the last few weeks I’ve been slicking my hair back with water because it looks too unruly otherwise. But lately when it dries it starts sticking out to the side and I start looking like Bozo the clown. Luckily I still have a jar of hair ties left over from over a decade ago when I still wore my hair long. There’s just enough hair at the back now for me to squeeze it into a tiny pony tail.

            The line was a little longer than the week and I landed on the blue heart at the end near Beaty Avenue. I took out my book to start reading but by the time I found where I’d left off a guy who took the position behind me looked at me with a smile and greeted me like we knew each other. He asked, “You don't remember me?" I said, "No, sorry, I don't. Where do I know you from?” He reminded me of a couple of weeks before when he was just ahead of me in line and I had been taking pictures of signs. I started to remember and asked if he had been the guy speaking Spanish on the phone and he confirmed that he had. I asked him if he was from Brazil even though I know that they don’t speak Spanish there. I think it’s because he's black and I associate Brazil as being the country with the most Afro Latin Americans. He said he was from Cuba and I think he’s the first non-white Cuban I’ve ever met. He told me that he's been in Canada for four years and he loves it. I asked id he came here alone and he said he did but that he has a partner and one child back in Cuba. He put his hands in a prayer position and said that he hoped they would be able to come soon. He said he worked for many years as a lifeguard in Cuba and as a wrestling coach and an Olympic wrestling official. By “official” I think he meant referee. Perhaps it was that background that allowed him to come to Canada as he said that he has been working as a coach at high schools here. However, because of the coronavirus and social distancing he isn’t working.

I would imagine that wrestling must be the sport hit hardest by social distancing, since how does one train without an opponent? People would have to stand apart with lights at each other’s backs and have their shadows wrestle. It might resemble an improvised form of non-contact dancing like that which emerged with the twist in the sixties.

I asked him his name and he said it was Billy. I assume his actual birth name is Guillermo. I wondered about the political conditions in Cuba these days. He told me that it’s extremely restricted. He said that the people are brainwashed and that the Cuba that the tourists see is not what is happening on the inside.

Marlena came down the line handing out big bags of buns. At first I took one from her on impulse but then I remembered that I have plenty of bread at home and saw that these were just unappetizing white bread buns. I gave the bag back to her.

Later she came around with a box of burgers. She handed me the last two and then said she would bring me two more. I looked at the label and saw that they were Beyond Meat burgers. I didn’t feel inclined to eat fake meat and so I gave mine to Billy.

I tend to avoid processed foods in general and it’s hard to believe that Beyond Meat arrives at any simulation of real meat without a shitload of processing. I also usually stay away from any precooked or even pre-spiced foods that are sold in supermarkets because I’ve had generally bad experiences with them. I would rather cook some beans and make my own bean chili or my own dhal puree than eat a veggie burger, the ingredients of which has been run through a thousand machines. While it’s possible that Beyond Meat is better for the environment (and there are arguments against that), I doubt very much if a Beyond Burger would be healthier than a burger made from organic grass fed beef. There is also the fact that the only two things that the human body can naturally digest are fruit and meat. If our gut bacteria were to suddenly disappear we would still be able to digest meat but digesting the Beyond Burger and the Impossible Burger would be impossible.

I’ve read that lab grown meat might be hitting supermarkets in two years. I predict that it will take a big bite out of the plant based burger market. It might even slaughter it.

Peter came around with his tablet to check people in to the food bank. I told him that sadly, I had memorized my food bank membership card number and I gave it to him without showing the card.

When Peter came to Billy and saw that he was from Cuba he talked about going there with his family. He lamented that the tourist areas were nicer before Obama made it legal for US citizens to go there. He said that the resorts used to be filled with polite Canadians but now they are overwhelmed with rude and obnoxious tourists from the United States. The guy behind Billy spoke up with the first southern US accent that I’d ever heard in the food bank line-up to point out that he was from the States. Peter sort of apologized but the guy admitted that Canadians are more polite than those from the US. He said that he was actually born in Canada and Peter declared, “Then you’re Canadian!” Later I asked him what part of the States he was from and he said, “California and Florida”. I guessed correctly that his accent is Floridian rather than Californian.

Larissa came along handing out more Beyond Burgers. Peter said he thinks they’re pretty good and taste like sausage McMuffins. Billy said he loves them.

From the time I arrived the wait for the food boxes this time was not much more than half an hour. In addition to the box, Marlena handed me two big red onions, a seedless cucumber, three oranges and, like last week, a $10 President’s Choice gift card. I assume the card is in lieu of the milk and eggs that have been absent from the boxes lately.

Upon opening my box I saw right away what I didn’t  need and offered my two packs of spaghetti, my can of pasta sauce, my two tins of tomato soup and a few other items to the guy from the States. He accepted them gratefully and said his roommate would appreciate it.

I find that this situation of being given food items that we don’t need or want which compels us to give the excess to others has inadvertently created more of a sense of community amongst food bank clients. I’ve noticed that the people in the line-up are friendlier than they were before.

I kept the box of cereal made from granola clusters with dark chocolate; four chewy chocolate chip granola bars; a can of organic black beans; a tin of “baked” beans seasoned with bacon and brown sugar; two cans of tuna with Thai chili sauce, a jar of natural peanut butter; and two litres of orange juice from concentrate.

Before I left Marlena was handing out more Beyond Burgers and I turned them down again.

I took my food home and put it away. In the short time I’d been at the food bank the temperature had gone up and so I switched from jeans and Blundies to shorts and sandals before heading out to the supermarket.

At No Frills there was no line-up and the female security guard with the long blonde hair, the black face mask and the sunglasses waved me in.

The cherries were firmer than the grapes and so I got five bags and they made up half my bill. I grabbed a half pint of raspberries, mouthwash, toothpaste, two containers of Greek yogourt and four small containers of powerfruit skyr. Their salsa was on sale for $2 and so I got two jars. There were some deals on chicken legs but I have plenty of meat in my freezer. The gift card knocked my bill down top $50.

For lunch I had a sliced turkey, cheese and cucumber sandwich.

I skipped my exercises in the afternoon to work on my journal.

For dinner I had a fried egg and a toasted bagel with a beer while watching The Adventures of Robin Hood.

In the second story Robin and Tuck arrive at the coast of northern France to arrange for their passage back to England. Their contact from the French underground the Le Lapin Noir tavern is supposed to respond to the request for a wine called, “Flower of France”. But when Robin asks, Michelle the proprietress shouts for them to leave. The waiter throws them out and then Michelle goes to stand before a drunken patron, who rises from his table and staggers outside where he is suddenly sober. He says to Robin and Tuck, “Flower of France” and then leads them to a nearby hideout at the back of the tavern. Michelle comes in to welcome them and explains that her outburst was for the ears of a suspicious Englishman in the tavern. Robin looks through a view hole and recognizes Sir Roderick Gascon, a supporter of Prince John. He claims to be a wine merchant and has rented a room for the night. The waiter searches Gascon’s room and finds a letter of introduction from Prince John to the Duke of Mirancy telling him Gascon has full power to represent him. Michelle tells them their boat leaves in an hour but Robin says he is going to stay to thwart any plans that Prince John may have here. Gascon is tied up in his room and Robin assumes his identity to travel to Mirancy, kissing Michelle goodbye before he leaves. At Mirancy Robin meets the lord of the castle and two other dukes. He is told that money is on the way for him to take to Prince John. One of dukes suspects that Robin is not whom he claims but they await the arrival of the Duke of Guise, who knows Gascon well. Meanwhile back at the tavern a member of the underground reports seeing the Duke of Guise on his way to Mirancy. Tuck learns that Guise knows Gascon and so Tuck goes to Mirancy to warn Robin. Guise arrives at Mirancy and meets Robin. He confirms to his colleagues that Robin is an impostor and it is decided he must be eliminated. Tuck arrives disguised as a French churchman and asks to see Gascon. He first warns Robin and then tells the dukes that he is an impostor. A castle servant says to Robin, “Flower of France” and leads him to the gold that Guise has just delivered. Robin and Tuck escape with the gold after a short sword fight with Mirancy. Robin kisses Michelle goodbye and heads for England.

In the second story Robin takes Marian to a hidden pool, rich in fish, adjacent to a lake belonging to Sir Cedrick. They look through the bushes to the lake and see a serf named Henry being arrested for poaching two eels that he caught to feed his starving family. As the penalty for poaching is to have one’s right hand cut off, Robin plots to find a way to free him. Posing as an expert angler, Robin takes advantage of Cedrick’s love of fishing and his frustration at having never caught a big one. He offers to show Cedrick a spot teeming with large fish but says he must blindfold him first. As the pool is only a few meters away, Robin leads Cedrick around in circles for a very long walk before finally showing him the fishing spot. Cedrick can see the large fish abundant in the water and wants to start fishing but Robin says that this trip was just to show him that the pool exists. He says that he will sign the pool over to Cedrick on the condition that he drops the charges against Henry and arranges for his release. Cedrick goes to the sheriff and Henry is let out of prison but the sheriff is certain that the angler Cedrick has described is Robin Hood. After Henry is set free Robin takes Cedrick once again blindfolded to the pool and gives him the deed. The sheriff’s men come for Robin but he escapes before Cedrick learns that he’s just received the deed to a pool that was already his.