Vernon Chatman

            On Thursday morning I worked out the chords for the intro and the first verse of "Ohio" by Serge Gainsbourg. I might have that done tomorrow. 

            When I put my guitar away after song practice there was a bedbug crawling on the old exit door at the head of my bed looking for a crack to crawl into. It was out of luck in that area.

            I worked on my bedbug timeline and updated it to the end of January of this year. I should have it completed later today or tomorrow and then I can spend my holiday on more interesting and creative projects. 

            I weighed 84.1 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way home I stopped at Freshco. I bought three bags of red grapes, one bag of green grapes, strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, bananas, a pack of ground chicken, a jug of orange juice, and a jug of lemonade. 

            I weighed 83.9 kilos at 17:45. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:42. 

            I worked on my bedbug timeline and I've made it to May 9, 2022. I should have it finished on Friday. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a slice of roast beef while watching South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 1. 

            The story begins in Denver where the homeowners and businesses are told there is a drought due to the effects of Global Man-Bear-Pig. There is less water coming from the mountains and so Denver has to cut back. The homeowners say they are required to have green lawns. The golf course tycoon Cussler needs water for his clubs and the water park tycoon Pi-Pi needs water for his parks because while 50% of water parks are pee, the other half is water. 

            Meanwhile Randy Marsh has plenty of water for his marijuana farm. Everybody, including Randy's whole family is calling Randy "Karen" but he doesn't understand why. His daughter Shelley explains to him that Karen is a pejorative term for a white person who acts overly entitled and demanding. 

            Cartman is depressed about living in a hotdog stand. Then he sees the billionaire Cussler arrive and buy the property across the street. 

            The water commissioner comes to tell Randy that if he has excess water he can sell it. But Randy doesn't want to. Steve Black however, who owns the farm across the road realizes that if he can cut his own water use by half and can prove that his water runs downstream to the Denver reservoir he can sell 19,000 liters a month. Stan and Tolkien tell him that they can float little boats down the stream to prove where the water goes. Steve says he can sell off pieces of his water rights to subscribers. He asks Stan and Tolkien to build him a boat. 

            While the boat is floating downstream to Denver we can hear Cardi B's "Wet Ass Pussy". 

            The boat makes it to Denver but Steve is told that they need to prove that the flow is constant and so a boat has to come through every day. Steve offers the boys $20 a boat. When Randy hears about this he offers to pay double. Then other farms offer them money for boats as well and so they bring Kyle and Kenny into the business. 

            Meanwhile Cartman has the idea that if his mother gets breast implants she can marry the rich guy across the street. She says even if she wanted to a boob job it costs $10,000. The boys aren't going to tell Cartman about their business but then when he tells them he needs $10,000 for an operation for his mom they think it's serious and let him join. Then Cussler offers them $15,000 for 10,000 boats.

            Steve goes up into the mountains and finds that Man-Bear-Pig has decimated the snowpack.

            Cartman gets the money for his mother's breast implants and takes her blindfolded to the clinic. She repeats that she doesn't want a boob job. He tells her that if she doesn't get the implants he will. She's tired of giving in and just says he can do what he wants. Cartman gets enormous implants and shows up for school. putting everyone in shock. 

            Cussler is murdered by Man-Bear-Pig. Steve goes to tell PiPi that he can't sell him any more water, but it turns out that Man-Bear-Pig works for PiPi as a thug. He attacks and stabs Steve and then throws him into a water slide where he goes under. The commissioner tells PiPi that he doesn't really own the water because Colorado owns it. But when the water runs out PiPi plans to sell the pee-water from his water park as drinking water. Then Man-Bear-Pig kills the commissioner. 

            The show closes with everyone in Denver being shown enjoying their water while "Use Me" by Bill Withers is playing. 

            The sentient pot smoking towel named Towelie who now works on Randy's pot farm is played by Vernon Chatman. He won a writing Emmy for The Chris Rock Show. He has also written for Conan O'Brien and That's My Bush. With John Lee he created Doggie Fizzle Televizzle, Wonder Showzen, Xavier: Renegade Angel, and The Heart, She Holler. He was a producer for the third season of "Louis".

            I searched for bedbugs and found none.