Matt Stone

            On Tuesday morning when I went into the bedroom to get my guitar I saw another bedbug crawling up to the upper right hand corner of the old exit door at the head of my bed. 

            I memorized the third verse of "Ohio" by Serge Gainsbourg. There's only one verse left and I should have that nailed down tomorrow. 

            I weighed 85.1 kilos before breakfast. That's a little more than yesterday and the heaviest I've been in the morning in two weeks. 

            I called Topcuts and found that my stylist Amy would be in at 11:00 and so after breakfast I rode my bike up to Yonge and St Clair. I had to pee most of the way there. I got my usual once every four months haircut and then headed back towards home. 

            On the way I stopped at Canadian Tire to look for a backpack. They had some but none that were as big as the Swiss Gear one I wanted to replace. That's the usual story: You can get everything at Canadian Tire, but you just can't get any of the kinds of everything you're looking for. 

            I continued south to College where I went into Winners but they only had a few purse-like backpacks. I descended into the mall and followed the maze around until I found a luggage store called "K. Jamson Luggage. But the place was closed, with a sign saying Back in Ten Minutes. A little woman told me she'd been waiting for fifteen minutes. I must have waited for another fifteen before the woman in charge showed up. She was a very friendly middle aged woman with an Eastern European accent.

            She said they'd sold out all of their Swiss Gear backpacks and most of their Samsonite. There was one Samsonite backpack that looked like a good replacement for my worn out one. It was a Samsonite Tectonic with a three year warranty. I commented that Samsonite certainly is an old name. She said they recently celebrated their one hundred year anniversary. I decided to take it because I kind of liked it and besides it was too cold out to ride around looking anymore. I paid $163.84 after tax. 

            I weighed 83.8 kilos at 15:00 before a late lunch. 

            I weighed 83.6 kilos at 17:00. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 20:15. 

            I roasted a beef sirloin tip and had it with a potato and gravy while watching season 25, episodes 3 and 4 of South Park. 

            In the first story Mrs. Cartman is having trouble paying the rent and so she gets a job as a real estate agent. When she comes home she finds Eric eating nothing but Nutella because his mother wasn't there to feed him when he got home from school. When she tells him she has a job he tells her, "I'm your job!" Later he looks up real estate agents and discovers that they don't do anything and so he decides to do it. He begins to advertise and draws in a lot of people from the city who repeat certain words over and over again like Tesla and Wi-Fi with no full sentences. The thing is, Cartman is trying to sell the homes of his friends' parents, none of which are for sale. The result is that he's driving up the market. The regular realtors that Mrs. Cartman works for can't compete. The mayor and the South Park Business Association at first wanted city people to come into South Park. But Mr. Kim points out that what city people hate more than anything is other city people. If they let them come then South Park will become a city. They get rifles and declare war on real estate agents. Mrs. Cartman is confronting Eric at the Tolkien House when the Business Association attacks them. While under fire Mrs. Cartman promises Eric she will quit her job, so Cartman gives in. But since she can't pay the rent in their house they move into a hot dog stand. 

            In the second story, the war between the Ukraine and Russia has made Mr. Mackey nostalgic for the Cold War. In case the Russians attack South Park he starts putting the children of South Park Elementary through emergency drills. PC Principal tells him he has to stop. Mackey begins to suspect the principal of being a Russian spy. 

            Meanwhile some students, including Butters, have started taking dressage lessons and will be competing in a junior competition. The problem is that the main competition is a young Russian rider. Butters's parents are obsessed with beating Russia at all costs and put pressure as usual on Butters. Another problem is that Butters's horse Melancholy keeps stopping to take a shit in the middle of competition and also gets an erection and starts fucking the Russian horse. 

            Butters goes to see Mackey because he's the school counselor but he's not listening until he hears about Russia. Mackey goes to his elderly mother's house where she has preserved his old room exactly as he left it with 80s posters. He goes on Microsoft DOS and in the style of the 80s movie War Games he hacks into US nuclear defenses and moves everything to Defcon 3. His mother confronts him and nails it down that Mackey's problem is that he fears getting old and that's why he's gotten nostalgic.

            Meanwhile in Russia, Putin's generals go to see Putin and find him dancing to Two Tribes by Frankie Goes to Hollywood because he is also feeling nostalgic for the Cold War and we see that it's a midlife crisis that has caused him to invade the Ukraine. 

            At the dressage competition the Russian kid is about to win when Melancholy mounts her horse and begins to fuck her. The audience cheers. Mackey comes and talks about how one gets nostalgic when their dick doesn't work anymore and Putin is watching and agrees. 

            Butters and several other characters are voiced by Matt Stone, who co-created South Park with Trey Parker. They also co-created The Book of Mormon, Orgazmo, Cannibal the Musical, and Team America World Police. It was the popularity of South Park in 1997 that made Comedy Central a success. He says he hates conservatives, but he really hates liberals. 

           

            I searched for bedbugs and found none.