December 19, 1994: I went to Mistress Patricia Marsh's little house in Cabbagetown

Thirty years ago today 

            On Monday I got up after 11:00, had some juice and coffee and got to work on progressed astrological charts. Mistress Patricia Marsh called and told me to come to her place, so I shaved and showered and went to her little house in Cabbagetown. I did her laundry, ran some errands, cleaned her bathroom, and her dining room cupboards. I had just started vacuuming when she returned and dismissed me. She wanted me to come back again on Tuesday but I told her I was feeling the Christmas rush and I would like some time to get my daughter’s Christmas ready. She seemed very disappointed.

Susan Silo

            On Tuesday morning I memorized the third verse of “Amour jamais” (“Never Romance” and or “Always Romance”) by Serge Gainsbourg. That’s half the song. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the third of four sessions. It was still going out of tune as much as the day before. I’ve got to see if any kind of adjustment will help. 

            I weighed 86.15 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I put together the large packing box and put in all the treats I bought for my daughter Astrid. It was a little roomy at the top and so I filled it up with some Styrofoam I had leftover from something that had been shipped to me. I taped up the box, addressed it and took it to the post office at Vina Pharmacy to mail it. Because of Canada Post having been off for a month, things are going to be slower. I was told that it wouldn’t make much difference if I paid for regular mail or express and so I just took the cheaper option. Hopefully it’ll at least be there before Christmas. Meanwhile the humidifier that I bought from Best Buy for Astrid still hasn’t arrived. The last update from tracking was on Sunday night and it said that her package was in a sorting facility in Anjou, which is near where she lives. 

            I weighed 86.6 kilos before lunch, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the early afternoon since December 9. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 85.6 kilos at 18:00. 

            I spent two hours getting caught up on my journal because I fell behind when I fell asleep in front of the computer last night. 

            I had a potato with gravy and my last piece of chicken while watching season 1, episodes 11 and 12 of Batman. 

            In episode 11, King Boris, the ruler of an unspecified small European country, arrives in Gotham with the gift of a bejewelled miniature statue of the Queen of Freedom that he will be presenting in a ceremony later at the Queen of Freedom Monument. A school girl approaches to present him with a bouquet of roses, which she says are on behalf of the Welcoming Committee. After she curtsies and leaves, the flowers harmlessly explode and then from a parachute a sign floats down that reads “When is a person like a piece of wood?” Later in Commissioner Gordon’s office the police know it’s from The Riddler but they can’t solve it. They call Batman. Robin says a person is like a piece of wood when they are a ruler. Boris will be a judge at the Miss Galaxy pageant tomorrow when they crown the Queen of Beauty with a diamond tiara. Batman deduces that the Riddler plans on stealing the tiara and he tells the police they should let him. The queen is crowned and then Riddler pops up through a trap door to grab it, then he kisses the queen and escapes. But Batman has replaced the real tiara with a fake one containing a transmitter. However when they go to the Batmobile to track it the Riddler pops out of a manhole nearby and laughs at them, telling them he knew the tiara was fake. He asks, “What room can no one enter?” Then he throws the tiara with another riddle attached: “What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every race?” Robin solves the first riddle with “a mushroom”. They don’t even seem to try to solve the second riddle, the answer to which is “the letter E”. Batman is focused on the first one and concludes it has something to do with the Royal Mushroom Club”. Meanwhile in a sewer hideout the Riddler’s gang the River Rats, including their female member Mousie, who we already saw delivering flowers, are meeting with The Riddler. Later at the Mushroom Club, King Boris is being entertained. The waiter (who is really a River Rat) invites him to take a tour of the wine cellar. The group descends just before Batman and Robin arrive. Corks start popping on wine bottles by themselves and while everyone is distracted King Boris disappears through a trap door. Left behind are two more riddles: “How much dirt is in a hole 3 acres square and 60 meters deep?” Robin says, none because it’s a hole. The second is “What won’t run long without winding?” The answer is the Gotham River. They conclude that the obsolete Gotham Water and Power Plant is at the bend of the river, plus it’s 3 acres square and 60 meters deep. Meanwhile under the plant the Riddler and his gang are holding Boris. Mousie is thrilled because she’s never met royalty. But Riddler is offended that she doesn’t recognize him as the Crown Prince of Puzzlers. Batman and Robin arrive and are caught in nets. The statue is then returned to Boris and he is taken back to town. Batman and Robin are tied to driveshafts that rotate at 1000 revolutions a second. Before he sets them spinning he asks “How is a woman in love like a welder?” 

            In episode 12, the mechanism that is keeping Batman and Robin spinning, explodes and they are saved. Batman had managed earlier to get the cutting torch from his utility belt with which he burned the armature and short circuited the power. Meanwhile Riddler asks his gang what is always coming but never arrives. They don’t know so he tells them “tomorrow”. Batman contacts Gordon by phone and asks him not to tell anyone that they are alive. They want to make Riddler overconfident. At the Queen of Freedom Monument King Boris arrives to present the statue. Later Mousie plants something in a police call box. It’s a letter to Gordon demanding $1 million or the Queen of Freedom Monument will be blown up. Batman tells Gordon to call Bruce Wayne for the money and he brings it. Later Batman and Robin solve the last riddle. A woman in love is like a welder when she’s carrying a torch. They deduce that the bomb is in the Torch Room at the Queen of Freedom. Riddler goes there with his gang to get the ransom but finds the statue containing the bomb gone. The bag that is supposed to contain the money holds a smoke bomb. Batman and Robin arrive. The usual fight ensues with the written sound effects. The Riddler and his gang are beaten and Mousie is caught as well. 

            Mousie was played by Susan Silo, who made her first TV appearance in a contest on The Jerry Lewis Show in which she won a singing competition singing “Mr. Wonderful” against 350 others. Her TV acting debut was on The Jack Benny Show. She co-starred in the sitcom Harry’s Girls. She is a successful voice over actor and also teaches the craft. She was the voice of The White Queen on Pryde of the X-Men, Sue in Pac Man and Mama Mousekewitz in Fievel’s American Tails.

December 18, 1994: I did 53 sit-ups and ate junk food

Thirty years ago today

            On Sunday I cleaned up and got my place together. I worked on some projects at home. I did 53 sit-ups, ate junk food and drank cola. I talked with Yuri and Alexandra on the phone. I had two new messages from Telepersonals. I watched TV.

Jack Kruscher

            On Monday morning I worked out the chords for the second verse of “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian, which has the same chords as the first verse, and part of the third verse, which doesn’t. 

            I memorized the first two verses of “Amour jamais” (“Never Romance” and or “Always Romance”) by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the second of four sessions. It continued to go out of tune only slightly less than yesterday. There was a space of three songs mid-session when it stayed in tune and later it behaved through two songs. I had a little more of my voice back, moving from yesterday’s Tom Waits rasp to a Rod Stewart sandpaper. 

            I weighed 86 kilos before breakfast. 

            I was going to start looking into how to ship by FedEx the candy I bought yesterday to my daughter, but then I read in the news that the post offices will be operating tomorrow. I went over to Vina Pharmacy to renew a prescription and saw that the post office was open. The clerk said they were open all through the strike but just couldn’t mail anything. I was trying to figure out how big of a shipping carton I should buy for Astrid’s candy. The extra large looked like it would be too big so I settled on the large, although it might be tight. I seem to be able to judge the size I need accurately every year but I never feel sure leading up to it.

            I weighed 86.05 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride, intending to go downtown but it was raining lightly. It felt like if I went past Ossington there was a good chance I would get wet and so I headed south. After I did so the rain increased a bit and so I made the right decision. 

            I weighed 85.85 kilos at 17:45. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:45. 

            I finished frames 2 to 4 of my second rainbow wave animation and started on frame 5. I’ll do another 22 frames and then see if those are enough to accompany the instrumental intro of my song “Seven Shades of Blues”. 

            In the Movie Maker project for the acoustic version of my song “Vomit of the Star Eater” I’ve already synchronized the audio and the video. I spent about 45 minutes deleting the bad takes of the song but still didn’t get to the final take. I did a lot of takes in that October 1 session. 

            I had a potato with gravy, two chicken wings and some other chicken parts while watching season 1, episodes 9 and 10 of Batman. This was another two part story. 

            In part 1, a mystery robber always strikes on April 1 and always steals no more nor less than $100,000. It has just happened again for the third year in a row. Commissioner Gordon decides to call Batman and to also project the Bat Signal on the night sky. Meanwhile on the roof of Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick are looking at the rings of Saturn through a telescope. Aunt Harriet comes to tell them dinner is ready when she notices the Bat Signal. Bruce makes excuses for himself and Dick to leave and they head for the Bat Phone and then to police headquarters. The only clue is a bullet that bounced from the robber’s protective clothing. Batman asks the editor of the Gotham City Times to print a false headline and article saying that the $100,000 the thief stole was counterfeit. In the Bat Cave Batman analyzes the bullet and finds it passed through thirteen layers of brightly covered silk. There are also traces of ambergris and so they conclude that the thief is female. Anybody can wear anything and so that doesn’t prove the robber’s gender, but whatever. When Batman tells police Commissioner Gordon that the crook is a woman he’s surprised and asks, “What is the world coming to?” Meanwhile in the back of the Gnome Bookstore the genius inventor Eivol Ekdal shows the newspaper to escape artist Zelda the Great. She pays him $100,000 a year for the great escape devices she uses in her act and now he is angry because he thinks he has been paid in counterfeit money. Zelda doesn’t want to be a criminal but is forced to in order to pay for Eivol’s devices. He tells her he was about to present to her his greatest invention, the escape proof chamber for her to escape from in her act. It’s encased in bulletproof plastic, the floor grill emits a deadly gas and the grill itself is electrified. He will only tell her how to escape it when he gets his money. He says he will accept the Star of Samarkind emerald, which will be on display one day only at Stonewin’s Jewellery. But Zelda smells a Bat-trap and indeed that’s what it is because Batman has replaced the emerald with a fake one containing a transmitter. Miss Stonewin agrees to the replacement and allows Batman and Robin to conceal themselves in her store in wait for the thief. Two cops in disguise as power workers are outside the store and the Batmobile is concealed under a power workers’ tent. But meanwhile Zelda is watching and knows it’s a trap. But while Batman and Robin are in the store, Zelda calls Wayne Manor and tells Aunt Harriet that Dick Grayson has been injured and she’s sending a special taxi to take her to him. After Batman and Robin have been watching over the store for two hours a woman in black in a wide brimmed hat with a black veil enters the store and walks with the aid of a cane. She looks at the emerald and says, “It looks almost real”, then smoke streams from her cane. When it clears Zelda is there in her orange attire and the emerald is gone. Batman and Robin jump to grab Zelda but she disappears because she was only a projection. Batman says the tiny mirrors in her hat projected a false image. I can’t see how that would work. Batman and Robin head for the Batmobile and in the gutter they find that Zelda has thrown away the emerald. Batman gets a call from Commissioner Gordon telling him that Dick Grayson’s Aunt Harriet has been kidnapped and the abductor demands $100,000 in one hour for her return. In the cliffhanger scene we see Zelda knitting in a rocking chair while nearby Harriet is blindfolded, in a straight jacket and suspended over a pool of fire. 

            In part 2, Bruce Wayne meets with Robin and Commissioner Gordon at a TV station according to the kidnapper’s demands. Regular programming is interrupted so Wayne, Robin and Gordon can appeal to the abductor. They give a phone number for the kidnapper to call. Zelda is watching and calls it. Robin tells her that the $100,000 she stole from the bank was not really counterfeit and they prove it with a signed and sealed statement from the newspaper publisher. Wayne additionally confirms that as a director of the bank he can affirm that the money she stole was real. Robin tells her that since she already has her money and does not need a ransom for Harriet. Zelda agrees to release Harriet. Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred reveals that he found a book of matches from the Gnome Bookstore that the kidnapper left behind. Batman has already deduced that the kidnapper is Zelda the Great because she told them that Harriet was suspended in a straight jacket over a pool of burning oil. That is Zelda’s trademark escape act. The heroes head for the Gnome while Zelda and Eivol are in the back of the store. She asks him to tell her how to escape from the chamber but he says he doesn’t know. That is why they need to lure Batman there because he is the world’s greatest escape artist. They need to have him be trapped in the chamber so they can learn from him how to escape. Zelda asks how she can use the chamber after that if Batman knows. Eivol says Batman will need to be killed. He has made a deal with the crime syndicate as they are paying him $100,000 to set Batman up as a target. As soon as he escapes two hidden hit men will gun him down. Zelda is appalled but has already lured Batman there by deliberately leaving behind the book of matches. Batman and Robin arrive in the book store. A secret door opens to the back where they find the escape proof chamber. They step inside to look for clues and they are trapped inside. The deadly gas rises from the grill. They conclude that a gas lighter than air must contain hydrogen. They use the grid to electrify the gas with the buckles from their belts. But if the gas is coming through the grid and the grid is electrified that would have already happened. Anyway somehow that blows the door off the chamber and they escape. The hitmen are about to catch the heroes in a crossfire when Zelda shouts to warn them. They duck and the gangsters end up shooting each other. Eivol tries to escape but gets banged with a Baterang. Zelda gives herself up. Zelda goes to prison but Wayne offers her a second chance because she saved Batman. She can have a job at his children’s hospital entertaining the children as the resident magician. 

            Eivol was played by Canadian actor Jack Kruschen, who spent years as a stage and radio actor before his film debut. He started working in an LA radio station at the age of 16. In 1939 he appeared in TV dramas on the Don Lee experimental television station in Los Angeles. The shows were beamed out to only 200 television receivers with tiny screens. His film debut was in Red Hot and Blue in 1949. He played Maurice Pulvermacher in the original Broadway production of I Can Get It For You Wholesale. He was nominated for an Academy Award for his supporting role in The Apartment. He co-starred in McLintock and Satan’s Cheerleaders. He played Giorgio Rossi on Bonanza. He co-starred in the Canadian sitcom Material World from 1990 to 1993.

December 17, 1994: I was strapped in the chair and nipple clamped

Thirty years ago today

            On Saturday in the early afternoon I went over to Mistress Patricia Marsh’s dungeon. I cleaned the kitchen and then participated in the photo shoot. I was strapped in the chair and nipple clamped again as Mistress Patricia, Lady Electra and Mistress Melanie posed with me. Then I assisted until the rest of the shoot was over and cleaned up. I hung around and waited for stuff to do. I chatted with Lady Electra and she seemed legitimately interested in my life. I vacuumed the carpet and later gave Mistress Patricia a massage. I left when she closed up shop, then went to get something to eat before going home.

Shelby Grant

            On Sunday morning I finished working out the chords for the first verse of “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. 

            I published on my Christian’s Translations blog “Variations on the Same Je t’aime”, my translation of “Variations sur le même t'aime” by Serge Gainsbourg and posted the lyrics on Facebook. There are now only six Gainsbourg songs left in my project to translate all of his songs from when he began in 1958 to when he died in 1991. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice and it went out of tune constantly. There was a brief period near the middle when it stayed in tune a couple of times. What’s weird is that when I first picked it up this morning it was perfectly in tune after sitting for a whole day. It was okay after Gian adjusted it a couple of days ago. If it continues I’ll take it back to him next week. 

           The laryngitis was gone but my singing voice was still hoarse. 

            I weighed 86.15 kilos before breakfast. 

            At around 13:00 I headed downtown to look for candy to send to my daughter. I stopped at Long and McQuade to pee and continued east. At Bloor and Bathurst someone called my name and it was Nick Cushing. He was standing on the southeast corner in front of The Fancy Burger waiting for some friends. We chatted for a while and then he gave me permission to leave. I rode to Yonge and south to The Bulk Mine. I went to McDonald’s to pee first and then went in to the Bulk Mine to shop for candy. My daughter likes sour stuff and so I bought a lot of that, including a can of sour soda. I got sour jelly bellies, sour candy canes, extreme sour Warheads hard candy, sour candy playdough, and a bag of Harry Potter Magical Sweets. Astrid also loves Dr. Pepper and they had different flavours from the usual brand like strawberries and cream Dr. Pepper, cream soda Dr. Pepper and cherry Dr. Pepper. Then I rode down to 220 Yonge but didn’t find the address until I looked it up and found that it was inside the Eaton centre mall. By that time I was already at Queen but once inside the mall I discovered that Ricardo’s Candy Corner is closer to Dundas. So I used the washroom at the south end and walked through the mall to the north end. At Ricardo’s I got a few bulk items but also bought a mango chili chocolate bar and a peppermint hot chocolate bomb. On the way home I stopped at Bagels on Fire and bought a dozen sesame seed Montreal style bagels. It was raining for the rest of my ride but not enough to soak me. 

            I had a bagel with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of orange juice for a very late lunch.

            I took a siesta from 17:15 until 18:50. 

            I weighed 85.55 kilos at 19:00. 

            I made pizza on two halves of a bagel, each with a slice of salami covering the hole, then I added Italian sausage pasta sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 1, episodes 7 and 8 of Batman. As usual this was a two part story. 

            In part 1, someone melts the Gotham indoor ice rink with a flame thrower, then escapes in an ice cream truck. When a motorcycle cop pursues them the leader shoots a gun that causes the pavement to ice in July. Commissioner Gordon concludes it could only be the work of Mr. Freeze and so Batman is called. Batman feels sorry for Freeze who is forced to live in a special cryo-suit that keeps his body temperature at minus 45 degrees. He also feels guilty for having accidentally caused his condition when he knocked the beaker of instant freeze on him during the fight in his laboratory. The ice cold villain originally appeared in Batman comics in 1959 as Mr. Zero, but the TV series called him Mr. Freeze and since he was a popular character the print version followed suit. In the comics Freeze’s condition was not the result of an accident involving Batman but rather from an error by Freeze. The TV series had the more clever origin to give Batman some responsibility. Freeze needs lots of money to maintain the environments in which he survives and so Batman expects a crime wave. Freeze’s hideout is on a snow capped mountain and Freeze uses a remote control device to make his own spaces cold but also to create narrow red warm corridors for his gang to move through. Freeze has placed five Batman decoys and also five of himself around the city to create confusion. Batman and Robin study the pattern of the appearances and find they are moving towards the diamond exchange. Meanwhile Freeze is robbing the diamond exchange but is only taking the very best. He freezes the safe to break it open so he can take the Star of Cashmere. All of the decoys arrive just before Batman and Robin. Freeze ices the floor just as the big fight begins. Batman and Robin have to fight not only Freeze’s men, but also the fake Freezes and fake Batmen, creating a confusing battle. Freeze and his men escape and Freeze freezes the Batmobile on his way out, rendering it unable to follow. Batman determines that Freeze only wants the most valuable diamonds in the world and the most precious of all is Giaculo’s Curculio, owned by the Princess Sandra of Molino. Sandra is coming to Gotham for the charity baseball game tomorrow, but arriving tonight. The heroes head for her hotel. Meanwhile a crate is delivered to Sandra but it opens and Freeze emerges. He takes her diamond. Batman and Robin arrive but Freeze sets fire to the curtain and the duo have to put out the flames while he escapes. They pursue him and Freeze freezes them. That’s the cliffhanger. 

            In Part 2, the frozen heroes are taken to a hospital with a special room in which they are kept at low temperature. The doctor in charge is a parody of Ben Casey and is even named Vince which is the real name of the actor (Vince Edwards) who plays Casey. He gradually raises the temperature until they are thawed out. Later Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson escort Princess Sandra to the baseball game where she throws out the first pitch. It is announced that Paul Diamante the star pitcher is missing. Dick reminds Bruce that Diamante is Spanish for diamond. They make excuses to Sandra and leave. They surmise that Diamante is one of the valuable diamonds that Freeze is collecting and that Diamante has been kidnapped. Batman goes to the commissioner’s office where Freeze calls and demands Batman in exchange for Diamante. Batman agrees and promises to go alone. But Robin secretly plants a tracking device on Batman and follows him. The exchange is made and Batman is knocked out and taken by Freeze’s thugs to their boss’s mountain hideout. Batman wakes up in a cell-sized red zone. Batman tries to attack Freeze but he is overwhelmed by the cold and Freeze has to save him by expanding his cell. Freeze tells Batman to follow the red path to the dining room and there he finds the embarrassed Robin who has been captured. Freeze serves liqueur but Batman doesn’t drink. Freeze decides it is time for one of them to die and so he narrows their temperature cage until there is only room for one of them. Batman forces Robin to stay in the red zone, then he charges and hits Freeze to knock him down. Then he grabs Freeze’s remote control and tosses it to Robin who uses it to expand the red zone throughout the room. Batman explains that he was wearing his special thermal long underwear. Robin contains Freeze in a cell-sized cold area. The police arrive because Robin called them just before he was captured. 

            Princess Sandra was played by Shelby Grant in her TV acting debut. She started her entertainment career doing commercials for local television in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She moved to Hollywood to pursue an acting career and while doing so she taught at a school for the deaf. Her film debut was a small part in Come Blow Your Horn. She was married to Chad Everett. She was very traditional about gender roles and didn’t think her husband should have to change diapers. She left acting to involve herself in charity work.

December 16, 1994: I strained my back doing sit-ups

Thirty years ago today

            On Friday I had my daughter until Nancy picked her up at around 17:00. I strained my back yesterday trying to do the fifty sit-ups a day that Mistress Patricia Marsh had instructed me to do and so I only did one today. I got ready and headed downtown for the Sanctuary Christmas dinner and open stage at the church. I did some yoga at Sanctuary before it got too crowded and then I went out to have a beer. I first went to The Gasworks and then had another at a little Greek cafeteria. Then I headed back to the church and got there just before Adina arrived. Tom Smarda came with his acoustic guitar and after dinner, during the open stage we did my songs “The Next State of Gerace” and “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” together. Tom also performed with Cosmic Dawn and she had me take some pictures of their set. Jubel gave Tom and I a ride home.

Burt Ward

            On Saturday morning I woke up fifteen minutes after the alarm went off at 5:00. I had gone to bed at 2:15 and so it’s understandable that my body wouldn’t want to wake up. I cut a lot of corners during yoga and wound up finishing about the same time as usual. A lot of yoga is holding poses and relaxing so I just treated the poses more like exercises this time to save time. 

            I worked out the chords for the fifth line of “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. 

            I revised my translation of “Variations sur le même t'aime” (Variations on the Usual I Love You) by Serge Gainsbourg. I ran through singing and playing it in English, then I uploaded it to my Christian’s Translations blog and began preparing it for publication. 

            I played my Kramer electric guitar during song practice. The laryngitis has diminished to some degree. I was not croak-talking the lyrics like yesterday and now it sounded more like croak-singing. 

            I weighed 86.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I went to No Frills where I bought five bags of red grapes, a pack of raspberries, bananas, a carton of spoon size shredded wheat, two containers of skyr, a bag of regular Miss Vickie’s chips and another of the sweet chili kind. 

            For lunch I had Cheez-it crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea. 

            I took a siesta and slept 38 minutes longer than usual so I decided not to take a bike ride. Instead I spent some time flushing the wax out of my ears. 

            I weighed 85.85 kilos at 17:15. I was caught up on my journal at 18:15. 

            I finished the first frame of the second animated rainbow wave for the video I’m creating for my song “Seven Shades of Blues”. I started working on the second frame by cutting a narrow vertical section from the left side of the first frame, moving the rest of the frame into its space and then pasting the left section into the now empty space on the right. I worked on filling in the background of the second frame but wasn’t finished when the time allotted ran out. 

            In the Movie Maker project for my October 1 song practice I synchronized the audio with the video. Then I copied the project and saved it as “Vomit of the Star Eater (acoustic). I started cutting out everything before the beginning of the final take of that song. There were a lot of takes of “Vomit of the Star Eater” that day so I’m not sure I got to the beginning of the final take before dinner. I’ll work on it tomorrow. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with Italian sausage pasta sauce, salami, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 1, episodes 5 and 6 of Batman. This is a two part story. 

            In part 1, the Joker is a convict in Gotham State prison and he’s playing the position of pitcher in a softball game. At one point however the catcher secretly switches balls and tosses the new one to Joker. The Joker throws the ball and the batter hits it, causing a smoke bomb explosion under the cover of which a springed platform under the pitcher’s mound flings Joker over the wall into a waiting net and he escapes. Under the platform is found a bust of Joker mounted on a pedestal. Batman thinks it’s a clue that Joker is plotting something in a museum. That day is scheduled the opening in the museum of a Comedians Hall of Fame from which the Joker has been excluded. Batman and Robin rush to the museum where they find that a Joker sculpture has been included after all. They go looking for the museum director to find out why. But after the heroes leave the exhibit there is a small explosion and Joker emerges from inside of his own statue. Then he calls for his cronies and they emerge from the other statues, including that of Ernie Kovacs, who died four years before this episode aired. The Joker and his gang are now inside of a museum that is impossible to break into but once inside it is the Joker’s candy store. He and his gang head for the precious jewels exhibit. Batman can’t find the director and suddenly realize that maybe the Joker is already inside the museum. Batman cuts open the lock to get back inside. Batman and Robin confront the Joker while he and his men are pilfering precious gems. There follows the usual fight with visible boldly written sound effects. But a sword falls from the wall onto Batman’s head, knocking him out, and Robin is also captured. The dynamic duo are being carried away when Batman wakes and removes a smoke bomb from his utility belt that turns the tables. All of Joker’s gang are captured but Joker escapes. He swears he will never be foiled by Batman’s utility belt again. Later in his amusement park hideout the Joker reveals to the rest of his gang, including the beautiful Queenie, his own utility belt. He says it’s his Aladdin’s lamp and Queenie makes a wish on it for a two week ocean cruise. That gives Joker the idea for his next crime. The SS Gotham luxury liner is going to be launched by Batman and Robin on Saturday. He plans to steal the ship and hold it for ransom. Later a clown doll is thrown through Commissioner Gordon’s window. Batman thinks it means that Joker is planning something at the live telecast of Pagliacci at the Gotham City Opera. Later we see the Pierrot performing the aria in a mask. Batman and Robin interrupt the performance to unmask the Joker. The Joker uses sneezing powder from his new utility belt on the crimefighters and while they are sneezing they are captured by Joker’s gang. Now Joker plans to unmask Batman on live television, and that’s the cliffhanger. 

            In part 2, Batman is about to be unmasked when he tosses a flash bomb up to set off the sprinklers. For some reason that foils the Joker’s plan though it’s hard to see why since it’s only water. Joker uses a smoke bomb to escape to the catwalk. Batman climbs to intercept him but Joker throws confetti that wraps around Batman to confine him and the Joker gets away. The news report asks if the Joker is making fools of Batman and Robin. Then the Joker and Queenie highjack the news show. Joker asks Batman what is wrong with this sentence: “He who laughs last laughs good”. The real quote ends in “best” but Alfred points out that grammatically the correct ending is “well”. Batman concludes that it is a clue about Professor Laughwell’s collection of African masks. Batman and Robin go to the warehouse where they find Joker and his gang stealing the artefacts. There is a fight at close quarters and then Joker and his cronies run away. Batman throws a bomb after them from his belt but it produces confetti and he realizes that while he was wrestling with the Joker, their utility belts were switched. Later Joker puts a special cork into a bottle of champagne that will be used for the boat christening. At the christening Queenie hands the bottle to Batman. Something about the bottle makes Batman take a special capsule and he tells Robin to do so as well. When Batman breaks the bottle on the boat, a gas is emitted that causes everyone, including the heroes to collapse. The Joker’s gang carries Batman and Robin away. Later Joker hijacks another telecast and says the ownership of the SS Gotham must be handed to him or he will have Batman and Robin beheaded on live television. But suddenly Batman and Robin reveal they were only pretending to be affected by the gas. When they analyzed Joker’s utility belt they found traces of the gas and knew then to prepare for it. Batman also recognized that the champagne was fake. There is another fight, this time in a storm of confetti. 

            Robin was played by Burt Ward, who as a teenager was an accomplished athlete, martial artist, chess player, and math student. He was clocked as the world’s fastest reader with 90% comprehension. He was referred to as a boy wonder before playing the Boy Wonder on TV. He became one of the youngest real estate agents in the US. When he tested to play Robin he was already friends with Bruce Lee through martial arts. Playing Robin was his first acting job. He often did his own stunts and was sent to the emergency room dozens of times. He also did the voice of Robin for several animated features. Years later when Burt was showing off his million dollar costume at Harvard, a group of Harvard students staged a Batman villain style theft of the costume, which after taking photos they returned to him. The leader of the gang was Conan O’Brien. Ward and his wife created Gentle Giants, the largest dog rescue in the world. They’ve rescued more than 15,500 dogs. They also have a popular brand of Gentle Giants dog food. His autobiography is entitled “Boy Wonder: My Life in Tights”. He operates the Boy Wonder Visual Effects Company. He recorded “Orange Coloured Sky” and “Boy Wonder I Love You” with Frank Zappa. He co-starred in the movies Virgin High and Robot Ninja.

December 15, 1994: Nancy brought our daughter to me and she stayed overnight

Thirty years ago today 

            On Thursday afternoon Nancy brought our daughter over and I kept her overnight.

Burgess Meredith

            On Friday morning I still had laryngitis. 

            I worked out the chords for the fourth line of “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. 

            I finished working out the chords for “Variations sur le même t'aime” (Variations on the Usual I Love You) by Serge Gainsbourg. I ran through singing and playing it in French. I revised some of my translation and I need to work on that some more next time but I’ll probably have the song uploaded to my Christian’s Translations blog tomorrow. 

            My Martin acoustic guitar sound better since Gian adjusted it. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio electric guitar during song practice and it was also more in tune and less rattly than before. But I couldn’t sing and had to croak the songs pretty much in a talking voice. 

            I weighed 85.95 kilos before breakfast. 

            After shaving and showering I headed out for an early bike ride because I wanted to shop for candy for my daughter. I was looking for candy stores where I haven’t been to see if any of them had anything new and interesting. I was going to go all the way downtown to check out some candy stores on Yonge and then to stop at the Candy Bar at College and Ossington on my way home. But the Candy Bar got such great reviews I decided to go there first. I was first of all surprised by how small the place is. The only things they have that other stores don’t are some of their packaged European candies, mostly from England. When I was looking at the bulk items the proprietor told me that for any loose items they do the scooping. Considering that all the other bulk stores in Toronto trust their customers to do their own scooping, that seemed too controlling for me. It’s like Tim Hortons putting he cream in your coffee rather than letting you decide. So I decided not to get any bulk items, especially since The Bulk Barn has everything they have plus a lot more. I bought a can of Taveners sour lemon drops and a bag of Bonds rhubarb and custard candies. As her young assistant was ringing me up, the owner called out, “There’s no tax today. Thanks Justin!” At first I thought the cashier’s name was Justin, but then I realized she meant Justin Trudeau. When I left I had to pee and it was already 14:30 and so I just went home. On Sunday when I can get going earlier I’ll head downtown to check out some candy stores on Yonge. 

            I weighed 85.35 kilos before a late lunch at 15:00, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since last Friday. 

            I weighed 86.45 at 18:00. That’s the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since December 5. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 19:37. 

            I continued to work on the first frame of the second wave of my rainbow animation. I’m almost done filling in the spaces between the rainbows. 

            I had a small potato with gravy and a chicken breast while watching season 1, episodes 3 and 4 of the Batman TV series. I watched the first two episodes months ago and it was a story involving the Riddler. This story was also a two parter. 

            In season 1, episode 3, outside of a jewellery store two men in black and wearing bowler hats are giving out umbrellas. They claim that one of the umbrellas will win a prize in the jewellery store. The pedestrians go inside and open the umbrellas to see if they won. All of the umbrellas emit harmless sparks like roman candles and give off loud noises. They are not dangerous in themselves but cause confusion and panic. The police conclude that only The Penguin could be behind it and they call Batman. Dick is learning French verbs when they get the call. At police HQ they learn that no actual crime was committed. Robin thinks the Penguin was faking one crime to mask another. Penguin just got out of prison and Batman wonders if the Penguin has reformed and if the whole thing was just a practical joke. They watch closed circuit video that was secretly shot of the Penguin when he was incarcerated. They hear him plotting his next crime and he has the idea to make Batman a partner. Batman looks for new umbrella factories and finds the most likely one to have the Penguin behind it is K.G. Bird Umbrellas. Meanwhile at Penguin’s headquarters we learn that Penguin has no crime planned whatsoever. He’s going to keep making public umbrella displays and he’s going to let Batman treat them like clues and speculate the Penguin’s plot. Then the Penguin will commit the crime that the Batman imagines and so Batman will indeed become inadvertently the Penguin’s partner. There is another umbrella giveaway outside of a bank. Batman confiscates the umbrellas and covers them in an asbestos blanket. They go off as before but there is again no crime. Batman and Robin go to the KG Bird factory and confront Penguin. He reminds them that he is not responsible for his umbrellas after they leave his factory and Batman realizes he’s right. A few minutes later the Penguin launches a giant umbrella that lands upside down in the middle of the street in front of the Batmobile. From the handle high above dangles a colourful but normal sized umbrella. Thinking it must be a clue Batman climbs up to fetch it. They take it back to the Batcave to analyze it but it is an ordinary umbrella that reveals nothing. Batman decides to go to Penguin’s factory as Bruce Wayne to plant a small bugging device that looks like a spider. Penguin does not recognize Bruce, who comes in as a customer. But when Bruce tries to plant the bug an alarm goes off and a net falls from the ceiling. Penguin gasses Bruce to knock him out. He thinks Bruce is some kind of industrial spy and tells his men to eliminate him by putting him in the tempering furnace where they forge the umbrella ribs. Bruce is placed on a conveyor belt that slowly rolls him toward the 10,000 degree furnace and that is the cliff-hanger. 

            In season 1, episode 4, Bruce is roused by the heat but restrained by the net as he advances towards the furnace. He just manages to pull from his breast pocket a cigarette lighter that is filled with compressed butane. He tosses it into the furnace causing an explosion, the concussion of which throws him free of the conveyor belt. Penguin lets him go because he figures he won’t go to the cops since he was committing a crime by bugging his shop. Batman returns to the Batcave and he and Robin resume their analysis of the colourful umbrella they retrieved from the handle of the giant umbrella earlier. But they don’t realize that the umbrella is bugged and the Penguin is listening. The dynamic duo concludes from the colours of the umbrella that the Penguin might be after the jewelled meteorite at the museum. But Batman checks the plans of the museum and finds that it’s burglar-proof. Robin says the colours of the umbrella are like a beautiful dawn. That makes Batman think of Dawn Robins the famous movie star who is in Gotham shooting a film called The Mockingbird produced by Ward Eagle and she is staying in the Pelican Arms Hotel. Batman looks at the hotel plans and sees that it’s a perfect setup. Penguin can set up on the rooftop across the street and run a line across to Dawn’s penthouse. Meanwhile Penguin is taking notes for the crime that Batman has conceived. Batman and Robin go to Dawn’s hotel and climb up to her balcony. Dawn has never heard of Batman because she’s from out of town but she thinks he’s cute. The Penguin and his men cross over to Dawn’s hotel exactly as Batman said he would. He knocks out Dawn and her manager. But suddenly Batman and Robin burst in wearing gas masks. But Penguin turns on his powerful Penguin magnet, which attracts the metal that Batman and Robin are wearing and pins them to the wall. Penguin escapes with Dawn Robin. Batman and Robin are stuck until hotel staff find them at midnight. Penguin wants $20,000 ransom for Dawn Robins and the exchange is to be made in the front hall of Wayne Manor. Batman and Robin say they will hide inside of the two suits of armour that decorate the hall and when Dawn is safe they’ll grab the Penguin. Later the money is at Wayne Manor and Alfred the butler answers the door. He is gassed and knocked out. He is carried to a couch. The Penguin gasses the two suits of armour and lifts the helmets to see that Batman and Robin are indeed unconscious. The still unconscious Dawn is placed beside Alfred with her head against his. After the Penguin and his men leave with the money, Aunt Harriet comes downstairs and is scandalized to see Alfred and Dawn seemingly snuggled up together. Penguin returns to his lair with the loot but Batman and Robin are waiting for them. The suits of armour only contained dummies. They figured out that they were being bugged by Penguin’s umbrella. There is an umbrella duel between the heroes and the villains. That leads to fists and sound effects spelled out in the air as usual. The Penguin and his finks are vanquished. Later at a party at Bruce Wayne’s house, Dawn is disinterested because she is hopelessly in love with her saviour, the Batman. 

            The Penguin was played by Burgess Meredith, whose father was Canadian. Burgess joined Eva Le Gallienne’s Repertory Stage Company in 1929. By 1934 he was a Broadway star in Little Ol’ Boy. He starred on Broadway in Winterset in 1936 and his film debut was the same part in the film adaptation. In the early 1950s his film career was waylaid when he was blacklisted as an Unfriendly Witness by the House of Un-American Activities. With the help of Otto Preminger he started getting work again in the 60s. He was so popular as the Penguin that the producers always had a script ready for him. He developed his Penguin laugh out of the cough that the cigarette caused. He co-starred in Torture Garden and Printer’s Devil. He starred in Of Mice and Men, The Story of G.I. Joe, and On Our Merry Way. He co-starred in the Rocky films and The Day of the Locust. For the latter and one Rocky film he was nominated for Academy Awards. He co-starred in Foul Play, Clash of the Titans, Second Chorus, Diary of a Chambermaid, Skidoo, Stay Away Joe, The Last Chase, and The Man on the Eiffel Tower (which he also directed). He directed The Yin and Yang of Mr. Go. He starred in several episodes of The Twilight Zone. He was a prize winning equestrian.

December 14, 1994: My daughter got lots of presents from the Santa Clause at the union party

Thirty years ago today 

            On Wednesday Nancy brought our daughter down to the Beaches in the early afternoon and I met them at around 16:00 at Licks. My daughter deliberately peed her pants when I made a joke about her peeing her pants. We went to the Ontario College of Art OPSEU union Christmas party at Studebakers on King Street. My daughter had a blast playing inside the vintage Studebaker that was on display in the restaurant. I had two beers and a turkey dinner. My daughter ate dessert but not much else. There was a Santa Clause there and my daughter got lots of presents, including a little Thomas the Tank Engine. I got a box of chocolates of which my daughter ate a lot. When her mother came to pick her up she didn’t want to leave. There was dancing too and I spent some time on the dance floor. When I left, I kissed Maria Kasstan on the cheek and her normally sedate husband Jim looked jealous. 

            I called Mistress Patricia Marsh’s dungeon but there was no one to tell me to come over so I went home.

Beverly Arnold

            On Thursday morning I woke up eight minutes after the alarm even though I went to bed an hour earlier than usual. It’s time to flush out my ears again. 

            I also woke up with laryngitis, which hasn’t happened in years. That made it very difficult for me to work out the chords for songs because I have to sing each note and try to match it on the guitar. 

            I worked out the chords for the third line of “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. 

            I worked out the chords for the chorus and the third verse of “Variations sur le même t'aime” (Variations on the Usual I Love You) by Serge Gainsbourg. The final verse seems to just have the same chords as the chorus, minus the first six, so I should have the song done on Friday. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the second of two sessions and it continues to sound horrible because of low action and constantly going out of tune. Brian at The Twelfth Fret lowered the action and since then it’s been too low. I’m going to take it to Gian at Li’l Demon today. 

            I weighed 85.15 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since October 29. 

            Around midday I took both my Martin and my Gibson to Gian at Li’l Demon Guitars. The Kolors hairdresser at the front was closed so I had to walk around to the alley. I showed him the Martin first and he didn’t think there was much wrong with it. He said the current season will cause drastic changes in guitars and wasn’t surprised that it would suddenly go low after being adjusted from being high. He said when it is older it will balance itself out. He didn’t think the action was too low on the Gibson but when he tried it out he was doing lead. I told him it sounds rattly when I’m strumming compared to the Kramer. He raised the action as much as possible. The rattle was diminished but it still wasn’t staying in tune. He said maybe it’s not in tune with itself and I told him I didn’t understand. He said it would take too long to explain. When I looked this up I found it has to do with each string being intonated correctly. Gian made some adjustments and said it was the best he could do without keeping it to do a full setup. He said if I strum hard I might need thicker strings. I wondered why the Kramer sounds better and he said the Kramers are very solid guitars and mine is also older.

            I weighed 85.4 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I got ready to take a bike ride in the cold and wore my long woolen socks and my snow boots. I rode downtown and stopped at Freshco on the way back where I bought five bags of grapes, a pack of raspberries, bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a pack of spicy salami, a black forest ham, a pack of three chicken legs, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, and a jar of salsa. 

            I weighed 85 kilos at 19:00. That’s the lowest it’s been since October 28. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 20:07. 

            I spent half an hour on the first frame of my second rainbow wave animation. I continued filling in the backgrounds between the rainbow waves. This time I used the spray paint tool in Paint and made some progress. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a chicken breast while watching the final five episodes of Batfink.

            In episode 96, Batfink’s oldest enemy Tough McDuff has just gotten out of prison and says he is going to kill Batfink. He sends a message for Batfink to meet him at the railroad yard for a showdown at high noon. Batfink tells Karate to stay in the cave while he goes to meet Tough because two against one would not be fair. But when he gets there not only is he confronted by McDuff but many of his enemies that we saw over the previous 95 episodes, including of course Hugo Agogo. Tough gives Batfink one alternative. There is a train leaving in one minute. If he takes it he will be branded a coward but he will be alive. Batfink gets on the train and it leaves but after it has gone we see that he is still there because he exited the train on the other side. Batfink flies to a nearby boat and we see him speaking to a fisherman. Then Batfink flies back to the tracks with the fisherman’s net which he uses to capture every one of his enemies. Later, Karate reveals to Batfink that he was the fisherman. 

            In episode 97, the world’s wealthiest woman is displaying her jewels in the lobby of the hotel where she is staying and the chief of police is the guard. But the thief Judy Jitsu walks up and quickly takes all of the jewels. When the chief tries to stop her she flips him head first into a column and he ends up in the hospital. Batfink and Karate visit him and he shows them Judy’s picture. Karate falls in love at first sight. Batfink finds her hideout with his super sonar. Karate brings her flowers and tells her she is under arrest, then she flips him halfway through a door where he is stuck for the rest of the episode. Batfink says “Judy, Judy, Judy” in an imitation of Cary Grant’s voice. She flips Batfink against a wall, causing him to knock himself out with the flapping of his own wings. Karate says, “That’s jiu jitsu like my mother used to make!” She ties Batfink near where Karate is stuck and sets dynamite nearby. But Batfink gets free before it can go off. Judy is hitchhiking with the jewels when Batfink lassos her from above. Karate brings her candy at the jail. 

            In all 100 episodes of Batfink there were a few female characters, however all but one was voiced by a man. Judy Jitsu’s voice was done by Beverley Arnold, who was the wife of Batfink creator and producer Hal Seeger. She starred in Sister Sensei (which also starred her daughter Mindy Seeger). She was the voice of Flora Fly in the Fearless Fly cartoon series. She was also the voice of Penny Penguin. 

            In episode 98, Hugo Agogo is stealing an armoured car. There’s no money inside but he likes to get a new model every year. He’s not afraid of Batfink catching him because the last time he saw Batfink he secretly sprayed him with his latest invention: Ego Agogo, which has made Batfink obsessively vain. But vanity causes Batfink to want to capture Hugo. Hugo knocks Batfink and Karate out as usual. He ties them up and is about to shoot them but Batfink is still so full of himself even in the face of impending death that Hugo can’t stand it. He sprays him with Ego Agogo Remover so he can kill the Batfink he knows. Hugo shoots but the bullet bounces off the Bat of the Year award Batfink had been carrying under his shirt. 

            In episode 99, Father Timebomb sneaks into police headquarters and plants a bomb in a locker. At the bottom of an hourglass is dynamite and above that is a plunger. The sand will run down from the top until its weight presses the plunger. Once the police are out of the way he will have freedom to commit crimes without fear of arrest. Then he calls the chief to tell him that there is a bomb somewhere in the city that will go off at noon. When Batfink hears of it there is half an hour left. They find Timebomb’s hideout is a bomb shelter with a solid plutonium door. Batfink enters through the chimney. Timebomb uses his scythe to cut a rope to drop a sandbag on Batfink’s head and knock him out. Batfink is tied at the bottom of a giant hour glass and the sand is being poured from a conveyer belt outside. Batfink is about to be smothered. Karate rides into the shelter on the conveyer belt and accidentally blocks the passage of the sand through the neck by sitting on it. Batfink recovers and breaks free. There are five minutes left before the bomb goes off. Timebomb confesses its location. 

            In the final episode, Hugo has stolen the hubcap from the Batillac. When Batfink comes for it he is trapped in a chair and covered in a blast proof plutonium glass dome with a super plutonium implosion bomb inside with him. Batfink’s life is flashing before his eyes and Hugo uses a mind reading thought projector so he can see what Batfink is remembering. We see Batfink’s origin. He lived with his mother in an abandoned plutonium cave. The plutonium mutated Batfink from an ordinary baby bat to one with super powers. Two escaped convicts take shelter in the cave and try to kill Batfink’s mother with dynamite but little Batfink saves her. However in doing so he breaks his wings. Meanwhile a young Karate is nearby chopping wood. Karate takes Batfink to his blacksmith father who constructs wings of steel for his son’s friend. Batfink’s mother asks her son to promise to dedicate his life to vanquishing villains. Hugo is tired of the movie and lights the bomb’s fuse. But the plutonium dome and the plutonium bomb reacted with Batfink’s own plutonium charged body and made him temporarily indestructible. 

            I fell asleep at the computer and banged my head on the edge of my monitor. Now I have a bump but fortunately it’s just where I comb my hair down on the upper left side of my forehead.

December 13, 1994: Mistress Patricia Marsh instructed me to do 50 sit-ups a day

Thirty years ago today

            Tuesday was the beginning of my long time without work until January. I started doing fifty sit-ups a day as Mistress Patricia Marsh instructed. I got some work done at home and then went to Broadway camera to buy some photographic paper. From there I headed for the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel to host my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage. The night went well and Adina was there. My co-host Mary Milne drove me home.

John Gentilella

            On Wednesday morning was considerably diminished although I still had a lot of phlegm. I worked out the chords for the second line of “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian. 

            I worked out the chords for two thirds of the chorus of “Variations sur le même t'aime” (Variations on the Usual I Love You) by Serge Gainsbourg. I’ll either have the whole song done tomorrow or at least I’ll be down to the final verse. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice and it sounded horrible. I just brought it back from the Twelfth Fret where Brian set it up because the action was too high and it sounded a lot better before. It’s very frustrating to travel an hour each way twice and to have it constantly out of tune. It’s a great guitar and it should be a joy to play but as it is it makes me want to cry. There must be someone downtown who knows how to properly set up a fucking Martin. I’ll take it to Gian at Li’l Demon and see what he can do. 

            I weighed 86.15 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I started looking for a similar humidifier to mine to send to my daughter Astrid in Montreal. I first tried the Honeywell store and got to the point of purchasing it when I saw there was no option for Canadian shipping. I did the same with Ebay and there were only US states listed. I tried Canadian Tire but they wouldn’t ship outside Toronto. I tried the nearest Canadian Tire to my daughter’s address but it looks like the only humidifier like mine is at the Uppity Village location near my place and there’s only one left. Finally I was able to buy one through Best Buy and it might even get there on Thursday. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 85.45 kilos at 18:30, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since December 3.

            I was caught up on my journal at 19:30. 

            I worked on the first frame of the second wave of the rainbow animation for the video I’m creating for the studio recording of my song “Seven Shades of Blues”. It’s taking too long so I’m going to try to speed up the process next time. 

            In the Movie Maker project for my October 1 song practice I cut out small parts of the audio to synchronize it with the video. I’m just a microsecond behind. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with Italian sausage pasta sauce and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching episodes 91 to 95 of Batfink. 

            In episode 91, Hugo Agogo has developed a teleportation device, which he is using to commit crimes. Batfink finds Hugo on the road juggling bags of stolen money but he keeps disappearing. They go to his lab. Hugo sends Karate down a trap door and he comes up tied to a giant fire cracker. Hugo sends Batfink to places all over the world. With just seconds left before Karate is blown up, Batfink comes to save him. Hugo doesn’t understand because he sent him “There”. Batfink explains that the last “There” he sent him to was There, New Jersey, which is just seconds away for Batfink to fly. So the unnamed city where Batfink lives and fights must be New York. I don’t think there’s a town named “There” anywhere. 

            This episode was co-animated by John Gentilella, who animated Popeye for many years. He was known for his dynamic but expressive style. He was considered to be the best of the Popeye animators. He also animated Charlotte’s Web, the 1967 Spiderman series, and Fritz the Cat. 

            In episode 92, former bowling champion Bowl Brummel now uses his bowling skills for crime. He bowls a bowling ball sized bomb to blow open a jewellery store and the jewels just fly into his bag. Batfink’s super sonar finds Bowl’s hideout in an old bowling alley. Bowl knocks Karate out with a bowling ball bounced off a wall. He catches Batfink with his automatic pin setter. Batfink becomes the head pin in front of nine pins that are filled with nitro. Bowl rolls a ball towards him that will explode the back pins but Batfink uses his super sonar to flick the switch to cause the pin setter to pick the pins up so the ball rolls under them. Bowl is arrested. 

            Episode 93 is called “Fleiderfink” based on the opera “Die Fleidermaus”, which means “The Bat”. Flitter Mouse is another term for a bat. 

            In this story opera star Frederico Fenootz receives a letter from which when opened emits a gas that causes him to lose his voice. Behind it is his understudy Harold Hambonay who will now take over the part. Batfink gets a similar letter and also loses his voice. Batfink and Karate find Harold’s home. Harold plays them his recording of “The Jewel Song” from the opera Grossinger, with super loud speakers that slam together and knock them out. There is a “Jewel Song” in Faust but I can’t find an opera named “Grossinger”. They are tied together under a beaker of acid and Harold is going to sing a perfect F# above high C, which will shatter the glass. But his voice shatters the heroes’ brass bonds. Harold restores Batfink’s voice so he can tell him what happened. Batfink tells Harold he always sings flat. 

            In episode 94, a green man named Blankenstein shoots a gun that wipes people’s memories. The jewellery store owner leaves his son in charge and Blankenstein wipes his memory. Then he tells him that he’s his son and then he takes away the valuable jewels. Batfink finds Blankenstein’s home with his super sonar even though there’s a big sign outside that reads “Blankenstein”. When Karate enters, Blankenstein hits him with his blank beam and then tells him he works for him. Then he wipes Batfink’s memory and tells him he’s a villain. But Batfink looks at his I.D. and learns he’s a good guy. Karate is easily convinced he’s a bad guy and the two fight until they slam their heads together and remember everything. Blankenstein’s blank gun is empty and so he is arrested. 

            In episode 95, Whip Van Winkle uses whips to steal a purse, a billfold and a cop’s gun. Batfink locates Whip in the woods. Whip ties up Karate with a whip, then he trips Batfink and knocks him out. Batfink is tied up and placed in a hammock that stretches across a chasm. Then Van Winkle uses his whip to rock the hammock while singing until Batfink falls. But during his plummet Batfink breaks free. He says Whip’s terrible singing woke him up. Whip tries to get away but Karate swings one of the whips and knocks him in the head with the handle.

December 12, 1994: Mistress Patricia and Lady Electra whipped me in the dungeon

December 12, 1994 

            On Monday I posed at the Heliconian Club, stayed there for lunch and worked until 15:00. Then I went to the Ontario College of Art and picked up my ticket for the union Christmas party. I called Mistress Patricia Marsh’s dungeon and Mistress Melanie said I could come over. I did some cleaning there and later Mistress Patricia and Lady Electra whipped me in the dungeon. 

They played me like an instrument 

of percussion and moaning wind 

My best Christmas present

was being whipped in the dungeon

by the Mistress Patricia and Electra 

I wore a leather harness

restraining cuffs and a slave collar

I was tethered to a cross

and suspended in the centre 

They stood on each side of me 

and flailed me front and back

with whips of all varieties 

and all the while they had a chat 

discussing every lash

they worked on certain points of flesh

and played me like an instrument

of percussion and moaning wind 

Ride and Pee, Ride and Pee, Ride and ...

            On Tuesday morning my cold didn’t feel worse and maybe a little better than on Monday. I finished searching for a third set of chords for “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer) by Boris Vian and didn’t find one. I worked them out for the first line and what I hear is not what the posters of the two sets I found heard. 

            I worked out the chords for the first two verses and the first chord of the chorus of “Variations sur le même t'aime” (Variations on the Usual I Love You) by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I weighed 86.3 kilos before breakfast. 

            At around midday I headed out to Woodbine and Danforth to pick up my guitar from The Twelfth Fret. I’d left it there on Friday because they were understaffed and so Brian wasn’t free to adjust the action right away as he usually is. The problem with going out at midday on a long bike ride is that I drink three glasses of water in the morning and it’s all just working its way out around that time. I peed several times before leaving because I wanted to make it to the Second Cup at Logan before stopping to pee. But I ended up stopping close to home at Long and McQuade where I know the washroom. 

            I continued on and just past Ossington someone called my name from in front of the post office. It was Lee, who I know from when she came to my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage back in the 90s. Lee has worked for Canada Post for many years and nowadays she’s in the picket line because Canada Post workers are on strike. I stopped to chat and reminded her that I’d left her a message on Twitter about my book launch but she said she’s been avoiding Twitter because of Musk. She insisted on buying my book but had to go get cash, so I was there for at least twenty minutes. She asked me whatever happened to Reggie Bovaird, who she used to date, and so I informed her that he died about ten years ago. She wasn’t surprised. 

            By the time I was on my way again I once again had to pee and so I stopped at Insomnia, which has one big, open, gender neutral washroom. I didn’t have to pee again until The Second Cup at Logan and Danforth. 

            At the Twelfth Fret my guitar was ready. Brian said the action had been quite high. When I was there in the spring it was also high and so he had to shave off some of the saddle. When I came in the fall it was low and he had to glue a piece onto the saddle to raise it up again. This time he had to shave off some of the glued piece. Hopefully now that my place is being humidified like crazy, the latest adjustment will stay where it is. He hadn’t changed the strings and so he didn’t charge me anything. I used the washroom again before leaving and though I felt like peeing on the way home I made it all the way without stopping. 

            I weighed 85.45 kilos at 15:45.

            I had a late lunch and took a late siesta at 16:30. 

            I weighed 85.65 kilos at 18:13.

            Last night I fell asleep on the couch and so I didn’t have time to update my journal before going to bed. Instead of working on projects I spent the time this evening getting caught up. 

            I made a new batch of gravy from last night’s chicken drippings. I had some with a potato and a chicken leg while watching episodes 86 to 90 of Batfink. 

            In episode 86, we see a silhouette that looks a lot like Batfink’s breaking into city hall, stealing the city payroll and flying away. It flies to Hugo Agogo’s lab and we see that Hugo has developed his own wings of steel. Batfink is arrested and Hugo shows up to volunteer for jury duty. Karate is determined to find out who has been imitating Batfink and Hugo volunteers to help him. Hugo takes Karate back to his lab where he reveals himself to be the imitator. He knocks Karate out and Karate wakes up in the sky as Hugo is carrying him with his wings of steel. Karate asks where they are going and Hugo says to destroy the evidence that links him to the robbery. Karate asks, “What’s the evidence?” and Hugo answers, “You.” He drops Karate over a cliff. But Batfink saves him and reveals to Hugo that he was never really arrested. It was a trick that he and the chief played to draw Hugo out. Hugo takes to the sky to escape but his wings are powered by a motor that runs on gas. One of the bullets that he shoots at Batfink bounces off his wings and hits Hugo’s tank, causing him to crash. 

            In episode 87, a man dressed as a king steals $10,000 from a charity and then steals candy from a baby. Batfink says it must be Old King Cruel. Batfink’s super sonar locates King Cruel’s castle. Karate enters through the front door and is trapped by Cruel, who suspends him from the ceiling by his hair. Batfink confronts him but Cruel threatens to shoot Karate in his head if Batfink doesn’t pull his own wings wide open to snap them back together and knock himself out. Batfink is chained to a wall with a cannon pointed at him while Karate is tied to a table. The trigger of the cannon is tied to Karate’s toe and Cruel tickles Karate’s foot so he will twitch to cause the cannon to fire. But Karate laughs so hard that it pulls the cannon off its pedestal. The cannonball goes high to break Batfink’s bonds and the cannon winds up on top of King Cruel. 

            In episode 88, on the popular TV show “Shoot Your Mouth Off’ audience members are invited to come up on stage and speak their minds. A man who calls himself Victor the Predictor predicts that the Ruby Red Ruby will disappear under Batfink’s nose. He’ll run out of gas and the curtain will finally come down on him and his career. Later we hear Victor addressing the Fourth Wall as he says that he has already stolen the Ruby Red Ruby and replaced it with a fake that will disintegrate when touched. Batfink decides to check on the Ruby Red Ruby. Karate touches it and the gem disappears. Soon after that the Batillac runs out of gas. Batfink sends out his sonar to locate the disappeared ruby. Victor stole the ruby to complete his laser gun. Batfink confronts Victor who connects the ruby to his laser, but the ray has no effect. Batfink tells him it’s because he grabbed one of the fake rubies. Victor runs and pulls a curtain down on top of Batfink. But he is caught by Karate. Victor says all his predictions came true but Batfink says it wasn’t curtains but drapes that came down on him. 

            In episode 89, it is a Sunday but the bank door is unlocked, the vault is unlocked and all the safety deposit boxes are unlocked. It’s because master safe cracker Goldie Unlocks and her gang the three Baer brothers are on the job. Somehow Batfink deduces that it is Goldie and her gang that robbed the bank and sends his sonar to find them. Karate enters the house and puts handcuffs on Goldie. He asks where the three Baers are and she directs them to a door. He enters and she closes the door behind him. What he finds are three actual bears. He climbs onto a chandelier to escape them. Batfink confronts the Baer brothers but while doing so gets hit over the head and knocked out by Goldie swinging a gun butt. Two brothers hold Batfink’s wings apart while a third fires his gun. But directly below the three bears have all grabbed hold of the chandelier. Their weight plus Karate’s at that moment causes the floor to collapse and so the bullet goes wild. The Baers and the bears are all knocked out and so Goldie gives up. 

            In episode 90, Hugo has invented a ray that gives him super strength. He says he will use that strength for crime under the name Jerkules. The narrator asks why not Hercules and Hugo answers that he’s afraid of being sued. Hugo goes to an appliance store and lifts up one side, causing the contents to spell out into his truck that is waiting on the other side. Hugo leaves a “Jerkules” sign behind so people will know who did it. Batfinks sonar finds that Jerkules is at Hugo’s lab and he deduces that Jerkules works for Hugo. But Hugo reveals he is Jerkules and bends Batfink’s wings of steel. Hugo throws Karate at Batfink and knocks them both out. Then he carries a 900 kilo weight to throw on top of the heroes. But before he can do so the effects of his strength ray wears off and Hugo collapses under the weight.