Sunday, 19 July 2020

Food Bank Adventures: So not to spread a covid case, go cover up your stupid face


            On Saturday morning while I was getting ready to leave for the food bank my landlord arrived as scheduled with a plumber to fix the pipes under my kitchen sink. For the last day or so I’d had to do all my dishes and get all my water from the bathroom because the pipe was leaking and the drain was backing up. I don’t like having Raja in my place because I don’t really like him but I had no choice and headed out.
            The line-up was as short as it had been the week before and I took my spot on the yellow heart, three hearts from the end. I pulled out my book and returned to reading “The Return of the Prodigal Son" by André Gide. I never get very far in the story these days because the wait is often very short. So far the returned son has had dialogues with his father and his brother. The house that he has returned to seems to symbolize the church and the father is god. The father has told him that it didn’t matter that he went away because he was with him wherever he went. But his brother, who represents the authority of the church tells him that there is no life outside of his father’s house.
            Rosemarie came around with the clipboard and I gave her my card number from memory. I told her it was sad that I knew it but she lowered her mask and smiled, reminding me of how she used to remember all of our birthdays at the other place before there were membership cards. She said she's getting back into it now. I asked her if she’s the new manager but she said she’s just one of the bosses. She said they hired a new manager who is twenty three and she’s “a good little girl" but she needs to learn the ropes. Rosemarie explained that's why she's there, since the clients all know her, even though some of them give her shit.
            It seems odd to me that the new manager hasn’t made herself known to her clients. All previous managers have interacted with people in the line-up. I would suggest that if she wants to do a better job she should develop empathy and come out on some rainy day to stand in line with everyone else.
            A man who didn’t seem to be in the line-up was standing just off the sidewalk and facing the other side of Queen while smoking a cigarette. He looked like he was about to cross but he never did despite the light changing several times. A young Indigenous woman asked him for a cigarette and at first he apologized but then he told her she should get a job, even though I was pretty sure he didn’t have one. She good naturedly waved and said, “Okay!" before taking her place in line around the corner on Beaty.
            It was only about a twenty minute wait for our food. Rosemarie came down the line with a cart of boxes. When I took mine she said, “There ya go doll!" Jeez! Call me a "doll" and I'll follow you anywhere!
            One long overdue item that I (and I assume everyone else) received was an individually wrapped face mask. In fact there were two. I’d been thinking for a long time that this was something they should be handing out. Really, the government should have mailed at least one to everyone in Canada months ago. The masks are reusable and washable but inside the packaging is a yellow card with the message, "The face covering is not intended to prevent or protect from any form of illness or disease (or otherwise). What the hell does “or otherwise” mean in this context? The message seemed to be that the mask is useless against covid-19 but wear it anyway. I guessed the manufacturers are just trying to legally cover their asses. But I see from an explanation online that the masks are not so much to protect the wearers but rather to protect others from them in case they are carrying the virus. So here’s the first draft of a little poem I wrote to drive the point home:

Since you might carry the virus
then for the sake of others' health
if you don’t want to share your case
then turn yours into a myrus
and keep the damn thing to yourself
by just covering up your face

An alternative rhyme scheme

            Since you might carry the virus
then turn yours into a myrus
and for the sake of others' health
keep the damn thing to yourself
so to avoid spreading a case
then cover up your pretty face

            I kept the can of lentils; the tin of tuna; the head of lettuce; the two half litre cartons of milk; the 85 gram container of spinach dip; the two individually wrapped croissants; the bag containing two muffins and what looked like two danishes; the 450 gram tube of ground chicken; and the frozen container of cauliflower, carrot, coconut puree which looked home made.
            A woman who was new to the food bank took my pack of noodles and the jar of sugared peanut butter. The Tunisian guy gratefully received my bag of buns and my eggs. Someone else wanted my little bags of fruit gummies. I gave a final item to someone else and I don’t remember what it was but it was a relief to have my hands empty.
            It was only just after 10:00 when I left the food bank. My landlord and plumber were still at my place when I came home to put the food away. The pipe had been fixed but they still had to suck out whatever was plugging the drain when I left for the supermarket.
            I wore one of my new face masks for the first time at No Frills. Although not as colourful or as much fun as the scarf I’d been using, the mask is easy to slip on and off and there’s not danger of it falling off while I'm shopping.
            I bought three bags of cherries and a pack of nectarines. I skipped the raspberries because some of them were mouldy. I grabbed my weekly supply of mouthwash for the Waterpik and a jar of hot salsa. The cherries took up most of the bill.
            When I got home Raja was gone and my kitchen sink was functional again.
            I walked over to Fullworth to buy some CR2032 batteries. The guy had a hell of a time finding them and at first said they were out. They no longer had the packs of three for $1.99 but he found a pack of five in which each battery was $1.45 and so I took all of them. It’s probably still a better price than other stores.
            On my way home I picked up a six-pack of Creemore from the liquor store.
            I had a toasted cheese and lettuce sandwich for lunch.
            In the afternoon I skipped my exercises and my bike ride and worked on writing my Food Bank Adventure.
            I made a mini pizza made from a slice of Bavarian sandwich bread, sauce and cheese. I had it for dinner with a beer while watching two episodes of The Adventures of Robin Hood.
            In the first story Sir Boland has been tempted by the offer of five hundred crowns from and elderly Norman named Sir Louis for the hand of his niece and ward Melissa. But Melissa is in love Boland's squire Alwyn and does not want to marry the old man. Marian and Tuck try to appeal to Boland but he won’t budge and so they ask for Robin Hood’s help. When Robin learns that Louis is superstitious and obsessed with regaining his youth he decides that is the key. As Louis is about to pass The Blue Boar on his way to buy Melissa it is arranged for a black cat to cross his path. He is so upset that he stops at The Blue Boar where he is consoled by Friar Tuck. Meanwhile Louis overhears Little John at another table telling someone that Robin Hood is one hundred and thirty years old but he is now a young man because he drank the elixir of youth. Louis asks Little John to take him to Robin and when Robin hears his guest is Louis Depener, Robin says that he knew the old man’s father Sir Armand. Several of Robin’s men recount participating in battles that took place a century ago. Louis wants to buy the elixir with the five hundred crowns he’s brought for Boland. The drink that Robin gives Louis puts him to sleep and while he is unconscious they shave off his grey beard and dye his hair black. When he wakes up they show him his reflection and he thinks he really has been made young again. Robin tells Louis that since he is now a young man he should no longer need to pay for Melissa’s hand and should rather follow tradition and demand a dowry from her father. But when Louis goes to tell Boland this it is obvious to the father that Louis is still an old man and he sends him away. While Boland is lamenting that he will not get his five hundred crowns he is told that his squire Alwyn has just received five hundred crowns as an inheritance (which of course has really been given to him by Robin Hood). Boland accepts the betrothal and happily takes the money.
            In the second story a genius named Nicodemus has been doing his scientific studies at a local abbey but he has published writing on the potential use of mathematics to win wars and so the Count de Severne, in the service of Prince John, seeks to capture Nicodemus and force to help John defeat King Richard. The abbot sends for Tuck and asks him to take Nicodemus to the safety of Sherwood Forest. After they leave, de Severne has his soldiers break down the door of the abbey and they abduct Nicodemus's brother Augustine to hold him hostage until Nicodemus surrenders. Robin asks Nicodemus how mathematics can win wars and he gives the example of the building of accurate catapults. Up until this point catapults were not very accurate. And so with the labour of Robin and his men Nicodemus designs and builds a catapult that can be easily disassembled and they take it to de Severne’s castle. Tuck demands the release of Augustine but de Severne refuses and so Nicodemus fires the first shot that destroys one of the castle towers. De Severne still refuses and so a second shot crumbles the tower at another corner of the castle. De Severne continues to resist until a third shot from the catapult knocks down the castle gates and Augustine is released. Nicodemus decides to take his catapult to France to help King Richard. 

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