Marilyn Horne

            On Wednesday morning I finished working out the chords for Michel Fedrizzi’s adaptation of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. But the original text is almost three times longer and so now I want to apply that melody to the full poem. 

            In my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project I continued synchronizing the images in my photo-video with the rhythm and the meaning of the lyrics. I’m about five-sixths of the way through the song so I might have it finished tomorrow. 

            I weighed 87.25 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the third of four sessions and it went out of tune during all but one song. 

            I finished painting the second coat of “blue bliss” on the bathroom door frame. I don’t think it will need a third coat. On Friday I’ll put the second coat on the door. 

            I weighed 88.55 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and stopped at Freshco on the way back to buy seven bags of red grapes. I did a price match with No Frills at $3.90 a kilo. Priscilla the cashier tipped me that the grapes at the Real Canadian Super Store will be cheap starting tomorrow and so I can do another price match then. 

            I weighed 87.45 kilos at 18:35. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 19:15. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity a performance of Christian and the Lions at Fat Albert’s of my songs “Seven Veils of Armour” and “I Saw My Reflection in an Open Wound” featuring Yehudah Cullman on cello, Tom Smarda on Stratocaster and Steve Lowe on acoustic guitar. There are also two solo performances by Tom of his songs “You’re Always Yourself in Your Head” and “This is My Prayer”. This digitization came through clean, though I had to first shut down Bit Torrent so it wasn’t a memory drain on Audacity. Tomorrow I’ll record side 2. 

            I created folders for some photos in my SSD and changed the names of several images in my hard drive. 

            I heated a bag of frozen samosas and had them with sweet chili sauce and a glass of Creemore while watching season 2, episode 12 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up Carol says she brushes her teeth six times a day and hasn’t had a cavity in ten years. 

            A woman asks about the two weapons on stage. Carol tells her they are shotgun mics so , “You can relax and uncross your legs”. 

            In the first sketch Harvey Korman plays the president of the US in a kind of video greeting card with his wife, two daughters, and son in law. They are trying so hard to look authentic that they come across as fake. To try to show they aren’t racist they introduce their maid Minerva. 

            Eileen Farrell sings “Kiss Him Now” by Jerry Herman from the musical Dear World. 

            In the second skit Carol plays a journalist who’s come to interview Hugh Handsome the movie star. She is cool and aloof until she meets him and then she continuously faints during the interview. He says he has the same effect on himself and swooned twice earlier while shaving. After she leaves he can get comfortable. He goes behind a screen, removes his elevator shoes, the padding, his hairpiece, and the girdle. He comes from behind the screen and he’s Bob Hope. Carol tells everyone to watch Bob’s special on Thursday night and Bob says, “And uncross your legs”. 

            Marilyn Horne sings Urbain's aria ("Non, non, non") from Giacomo Meyerbeer's Les Huguenots. 

            Carol, Eileen, and Marilyn play an operatic version of The Three Little Pigs (but not made up to look like pigs) while Harvey plays the wolf also as human and more like a silent movie villain. 

            Carol, Eileen, and Marilyn (done up to look a lot like Mae West in She Done Him Wrong) sing “Hey Big Spender” by Cy Coleman and Dorothy Fields from the musical Sweet Charity. Then the whole cast and the guests sing “What Child is This?” by William Chatterton Dix to the tune of “Greensleeves”; “Here We Come a Wassailing”; “Good King Wenceslas” by John Mason Neale; “God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen”; and “Angels We Have Heard On High” by James Chadwick. 

            Marilyn Horne at the age of 13 joined the Roger Wagner Chorale. In high school she was part of the St. Luke’s Episcopal Church Choir of Long Beach, which often performed in Hollywood films. In 1954 at the age of 20 she dubbed Dorothy Dandridge’s singing voice in Carmen Jones. Igor Stravinsky invited her to perform at the 1956 Venice Festival. She sang with the Gelsenkirchen Opera for three years. She debuted at the Royal Opera House in 1964 and La Scala in 1969 where she received a seven minute mid-act ovation. She debuted at The Met in 1970. She sang “Simple Gifts” at Bill Clinton’s inauguration. She teaches voice at the Music Academy of the West.

April 2, 1996: I don't remember where I worked but I know I did a good job

Thirty years ago today 

            On Monday I probably posed for drawings, paintings or both at one or more schools or art clubs. I don't remember but I know I did a good job. 

Garry Moore

            On Tuesday morning I worked out the chords for the third and fourth verses and the second chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian.

            In my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project I continued synchronizing the images in my photo-video with the rhythm and the meaning of the lyrics. I was about three-quarters of the way through the song. 

            I weighed 87.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice and it went out of tune during all but two songs. 

            Around midday I painted a second coat of “blue bliss” on the outer edges of my bathroom door frame. Tomorrow I’ll probably finish the second coat on the whole frame. 

            I weighed 88.3 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 87.95 kilos at 18:10. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:57. 

            I recorded from cassette tape through speaker to microphone to audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive side 2 of the rehearsal tape that was distorted when I tried recording directly with a line from the tape player to my audio interface. This way it worked. Tomorrow I’ll go back to line-in and try digitizing a cassette containing several of Christian and the Lions performances at Fat Albert’s. 

            I deleted several more images from my hard drive. 

            I heated the chili I made a couple of days ago and had some on top of oven fries while watching season 2, episode 9 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up Garry Moore is asked if he’ll do another variety show. He says he hopes not because it’s too much work. He’d much rather visit. He says he’s been in show business since 1935. 

            In the first sketch Carol and Harvey play the elderly married couple Mollie and Bert again. They are visited by Martha and Ginny played by Garry Moore and Durward Kirby. 

            Vicki Lawrence and Lyle Waggoner play guitar and sing “Call Me” by Tony Hatch. I didn’t know Lyle could sing or play. 

            Gary plays the host of a news show that is paying tribute to a renowned humanitarian named Dr. Henry Spencer. President Nixon, President De Gaulle, and Sammy Davis Jr. have all paid homage to him. Now Princess Marianne of Morovia will drink a toast to Spencer. Her royal highness is played by Carol. But during the first take the wine glass is blocking the princess’s face so she has to do another. This time she hiccups and has to do one more take. But by then she’s getting tipsy and the takes are repeated until she falls backwards unconscious. 

            Garry looks at the latest trends in shows and commercials. He says recent bra commercials have been quite uplifting. But he says integration will be very prominent. They show a black Blondie. There’s a horrible depiction by Carol of an indigenous mother with broken English like Tonto. She tells her son that his father was shot and killed at Little Big Horn, which is a bar on 3rd Avenue. The latest game show is called Shoplift, in which contestants compete to see who can steal the most from supermarkets. 

            Carol and Durward do a skit in which she is a secretary taking dictation about eliminating safety hazards. Her boss first accidentally puts his cigarette out on the back of her hand. Then he wacks her on the back of the neck with a pointer. By the end she is injured all over her body and is finally knocked out the window by an opening door. 

            The head dancer on the show is Don Crichton. Carol shows a clip of him dancing with Julie Andrews in the movie Star. Then Don does a live performance. 

            Garry Moore dropped out of high school before graduation and started in radio in 1937. From 1943 to 1947 he co-starred on the Durante-Moore radio show. This was followed by his own radio show. He hosted I’ve Got a Secret for the first decade of the show. He starred in The Garry Moore Show on television from 1958 to 1964. He was the subject of the first demonstration of hypnosis on US television. He was the host of To Tell the Truth from 1969 to 1977. He released several comedy albums. He wrote a humour column for the Daily Packet called “Mumble Mumble”. His columns were collected into a book of the same name.

April 1, 1996: My daughter and I went to the playground

Thirty years ago today

            On Sunday it was a relatively nice day and so my daughter and I went to the playground for a while before I took her back to her mother’s place in Scarborough.

Mel Tormé

            On Monday morning I finished working out the chords for the first chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            In my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project I continued synchronizing the images in my photo-video with the rhythm and the meaning of the lyrics. I was about two-thirds of the way through the song. 

            I weighed 87.1 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since March 21. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice and it went out of tune during all but two of the songs. 

            I created some folders for photos in my SSD and deleted several images from my hard drive.

            I weighed 88.45 kilos before lunch. I had guacamole, potato chips and a glass of Garden Cocktail. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown. At Yonge and Bloor a cyclist came up beside me and said, “A joke to share: Premier Ford rides his bike to the library.” I guess the joke was that both situations are unlikely. It was just weird how he introduced the joke with “A joke to share” like he was an alien who wasn’t fully aware of how human beings converse. 

            At Yonge and Dundas a cop car was at the front of the other cars waiting at the light. I moved up beside and ahead of the cop car and then rode on. But the cops pulled up beside me at around Yonge and Shooter. The driver said I should wait behind the cars and not go up beside them. I argued I was pretty sure I didn’t hold him back. I don’t think I was breaking the law but he just had a pet peeve and decided to single me out to get it off his chest. 

            I weighed 87.75 kilos at 17:55. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:51. 

            I played the old rehearsal cassette tape I tried a few days ago, this time with the microphone against the right speaker and plugged into my audio interface and recorded it in Audacity this time using Windows Direct Sound and it came through with less distortion than when I used WASAPI. Tomorrow I’ll digitize side 2. 

            I deleted several more images from my hard drive. 

            I heated some oven fries, warmed up the chili that I made yesterday and had them together while watching season 2, episode 7 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            Carol calls Don Rickles “Mr. Warmth” and then rolls her eyes.

            In the first sketch Carol and Nanette Fabray play close to term pregnant women at the doctor’s office. Their old doctor Zaslow is 93 and they are faithful to him until they meet his handsome young assistant. They lie to Zaslow that there is an emergency at the hospital, so they can be with the young doctor. 

            Mel Tormé sings “Take a Letter Miss Jones”, which I think he wrote.

            In the second sketch Don Rickles plays a disgruntled shoe salesman who has been threatened with firing if he doesn’t stop insulting the customers. He tries very hard to control himself but Nanette Fabray plays a very difficult customer and he finally blows up at her. Then he starts insulting his boss played by Harvey Korman who cracks up at Don’s ad libs. 

            The rest of the show is a Tin Pan Alley story set in the first quarter of the 20th Century. Don Rickles plays music publisher Harry Familiar. Two songwriters who don’t know each other come to sell their songs to Harry. One is Melvin Potts and the other is Phoebe Pannz. Melvin sings “Happy happy happy that’s what I am” and Harry tells him to get out. Phoebe sings “When we’re together don’t mind the weather. Never blue when I’m with you. When you are near me you always cheer me” then she starts crying. Melvin comes back because he forgot his music. Then they combine their songs, “Happy when we’re together. Happy don’t mind the weather. Happy never blue. That’s what I am when I’m with you”. Harry hears this and says it’s a hit. Phoebe and Melvin become the team of Potts and Pannz. Phoebe falls in love with Melvin. They write “Purple Passion” for Broadway star Blanche Du Kay. Blanche does a song and dance to “Listen to your Mama” and she runs off with Melvin. Phoebe gets drunk and sings “I’m Funny That Way” which seems to be an adaptation of “He’s Funny That Way” by Neil Moret and Richard Whiting”. Phoebe becomes a star while both Melvin and Blanche fall from grace because Melvin can’t write songs without Phoebe. Years later Phoebe sees Melvin begging in the snow and thinks it might be him but decides it isn’t and walks away, stepping on and crushing his ukelele as she goes. 

            Mel Tormé started singing professionally at the age of 4 with the Coon-Sanders Orchestra. From the age of 8 to 16 he acted on the radio programs The Romance of Helen Trent and Jack Armstrong the All American Boy. At the age of 16 he published his first song, “Lament to Love” and it was a hit for Harry James. As a teenager he was the singer and drummer for Chico Marx’s band. He gained the nickname “The Velvet Fog” because of the quality of his singing voice. His other nicknames were “Gauze Jaws”, “Mr. Butterscotch”, and “The Blue Fox”. His vocal style was influenced by Ella Fitzgerald. He formed the vocal group The Mel-Tones and they had several hits. They were an influence on Manhattan Transfer. He had a number 1 hit with “Careless Hands” in 1949. He gained a reputation as a great music arranger. He wrote the music for “The Christmas Song” and didn’t consider it to be great. He won two jazz vocalist Grammy Awards. He wrote over 250 songs. He made his film debut in Higher and Higher in 1944. He co-starred in Good News and became a teen idol. He co-starred in Walk Like a Dragon, Pardon My Rhythm, Resisting Enemy Interrogation, Let’s Go Steady, The Big Operator, and Girls Town. He starred in Land of No Return. He hosted TV’s Top Tunes in 1951. He starred in The Mel Tormé Show from 1951 to 1952. He guest starred nine times on Night Court. He did Mountain Dew commercials. He wrote a negative biography of Judy Garland based on his experience as the musical director of her variety show and another about his friend the drummer Buddy Rich. He published the novel Wynner in 1978. He called Rock and Roll “Three chord manure”. Ethel Waters said he was the only white man who sang with the soul of a black man.

March 31, 1996: It was raining

Thirty years ago today

            On Saturday I picked up my daughter in Scarborough and brought her to my place to spend the weekend. It was raining and so we spent the day inside.

Lyle Waggoner

            On Sunday morning I had a dream that my upstairs neighbour Jacob and his dog were in my bed. It wasn’t my futon but a more conventional mattress. His dog was on top of me sideways with it’s head hanging down. Jacob was on the other side of the bed but then moved up against me. At that point I shook him and said, “What the fuck are you doing in my bed?” He insisted it was his bed in his bedroom but then he realized he was in the wrong room and left. 

            After yoga I worked out the chords for most of the first chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. There are two lines left. 

            In my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project I continued synchronizing the images in my photo-video with the rhythm and the meaning of the lyrics. I’m about halfway through the song. 

            I weighed 87.9 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since March 20. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice and it stayed in tune most of the time. 

            Around midday I cleaned the warm mist humidifier that’d been working all week and set the other one going. I assume it’ll be working less this week and so there’ll be less to clean come next Sunday. 

            I weighed 88.65 kilos before lunch. That’s the furthest I’ve pushed the scale in the early afternoon since last Sunday, though not as much. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 87.3 kilos at 18:10. December 16 was the last time I was so easy on the scale in the evening. 

            I was behind on my journal and so I spent all the free time before supper getting caught up.

            I sautéed garlic, scallions, and mushrooms, then added two cans of kidney beans and a jar of salsa. I got distracted while getting caught up in my journal and the bottom of the pan burnt. So the chili had a bit of a burnt taste. I had a bowl with plantain chips while watching season 2, episode 6 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up Lucille Ball introduces her mother in the audience. 

            In the first skit Carol and Harvey play an elderly married couple. He’s still a little frisky but she’s indifferent. 

            Nancy Wilson sings “The Folks Who Live On the Hill” by Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein. 

            In Carol’s biographical sketch, Roger’s boss is a fitness nut and so Roger and Carol have to pretend to be athletic as well. But Carol throws her back out so she is bent over and doesn’t want to look unhealthy and ruin Roger’s chances so she pretends to be looking for something on the floor. 

            Eddie Albert sings “Soliloquy” by Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein from Carousel. 

            The next skit is the soap opera parody As the Stomach Turns featuring Carole and Lucy as Marian and Laura. They are dressed in mourning clothes and spend their days constantly going to funerals. Laura says today’s funeral was so much better than yesterday’s because at that one there was no place to dance. Marion’s daughter Vicki who’s been gone for a year comes to the door, hands Marian two babies and leaves. Marian puts the babies down and goes back to having tea with Laura. The doorbell rings. It’s Chester the mortician and he’s also a widower. He says he’s just passing through. Lucy asks, “Couldn’t you settle here?” He says “Alright”. The doorbell rings and it’s Nancy Wilson. Marian says, “Why, it’s a Negro! The first Negro we’ve ever had in Canoga Falls!” Nancy says, “I’ve come to integrate your town. My name is Julia. I graduated from college at 15, medical school at 15, and I’m up for the Nobel prize”. Marian invites Julia to live with her. She asks if she’s married and Julia answers that she’s a widow. Marian says, “Oh, a black widow”. Marian introduces Julia to Chester as “the town Negro”. Julia asks Chester to help her with her suitcase. He says, “Of course! I think we should all help each other, regardless of race, creed, or colour”. Julia says, “Thanks whitey”. Chester lifts the suitcase, has a heart attack and dies. 

            There is an astrology segment, featuring the sign of Leo. Nancy says she’s a Pisces but would rather be sexy like Leo. She and Carol sing “The Other Man’s Grass is Always Greener” by Tony Hatch and Jackie Trent. 

            Several famous Leos are listed. 

            Vicki is dressed as a hippy folk singer playing a lute and she introduces in song various female Leo rulers. 

           The first is Cleopatra as played by Nancy who sings the 1917 song “A Good Man is Hard to Find” by Eddie Green. 

            Vicki introduces Queen Elizabeth I played by Carol, singing a variation of the same song. 

            Vickie introduces Catherine the Great played by Lucy, also singing that song. 

            Lyle Waggoner made his acting debut in a production of L’il Abner. He made his film debut in Swamp Country in 1966. He made his TV debut on Gunsmoke in 1966. He co-starred in Love Me Deadly. He starred in Wizards of the Demon Sword. He co-starred on Wonder Woman as Steve Trevor and as Steve Trevor Junior. He hosted the game show It’s Your Bet from 1969 to 1973. He was the first Playgirl centerfold in 1973. He formed the company Star Wagons, which provided luxury trailers for film and television productions. He married Sharon Kennedy and they were together for 59.5 years. He was a successful sculptor.

March 30, 1996: Brian and I busked before performing at the Cameron

Thirty years ago today 

            On Friday Brian Haddon and I busked before performing together on the Spit Fridays open stage in the back room of the Cameron.

Peter Lawford

            On Saturday morning I worked out the chords for the repeated lyrics of the chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. But in the adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi the melody of the chorus extends into four lines of non-repeated lyrics. 

            In my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project I continued synchronizing the images in my photo-video with the rhythm and the meaning of the lyrics. 

            I weighed 87.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time. 

            Around midday I went to Vina Pharmacy to ask them to renew my Betaderm prescription.

            I went to Freedom Mobile to pay for my April phone plan. 

            I rode to No Frills where I bought seven bags of grapes, two packs of raspberries, bananas, a bag of avocadoes, a sack of potatoes, a loaf of seven grain bread, a loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, a box of spoon sized shredded wheat, a jug of iced tea, and two bags of Miss Vickie’s chips. 

            I weighed 87.95 kilos at 14:40. I had a chopped cucumber mashed with three avocadoes and ate them with some plantain chips. 

            I took a siesta from 15:30 and slept for almost an extra half hour. 

            I weighed 88.05 kilos at 17:45.

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:23. I tried to re-digitize a cassette tape that I digitized a few weeks ago that didn’t come through very well then. Since I’d been fairly successful recording the previous tape that had failed before by using speaker to microphone instead of a direct line from the stereo to the audio interface, I tried that again with this tape. It didn’t work out as well. I’ll try it again tomorrow with Windows Direct Sound instead of WASAPI.

            I had the rest of the broad bean, mushroom, ginger stew that I made yesterday. I ate while watching season 1, episode 27 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            The first sketch is one of the Carol and Sis stories. Roger is away on a business trip and Carol and Chrissie have just watched a late night horror movie. They are now scared of every sound and decide to sleep together. Shortly after they go to bed Roger comes home a day early and he’s with his boss Mr. Stanley, who he insisted come home with him because he was too drunk to drive. Roger leaves Mr. Stanley alone in the living room. Meanwhile Carol and Chrissie hear noises and come out to see Stanley only from the back and think he’s a home invader. Carol hits him over the head with a frying pan and then retreats. Stanley only knows he heard a “bong” and now he has a headache. Roger goes to get aspirin and Stanley sits on the couch. Carol comes out and hits him from behind again. Roger brings the aspirin and Stanley goes to the kitchen to get water only to get bonked again. He backs out of the kitchen and then goes back in where he receives another hit, then he backs out and collapses. Then Roger gets hit and knocked out by the kitchen door. 

            Minnie Pearl comes out and does her comedy routine. She talks about people trying be thin. She says a friend of hers got so thin they needed to starch her underwear to hold her up. She got her face lifted too and now every time she blinks it pulls her stockings up. She asked a guy at Hollywood party why he was giving her a funny look. He said, “Lady you’ve got a funny look but I didn’t give it to you”. I saw this one girl, I don’t know if her dress was too little for her or if she was in it too far. She finished with a little yodeling song and a step dance. 

            In the next skit Carol and Minnie play two southern US women visiting Paris. Minnie says she went to an Apache dance where the man and woman got into a fight on the dance floor and the Indians never did show up. They sit at a café where Charles De Gaulle is sitting at the next table. They tell him they’re from the state and he says, “I hate you”. 

            They do a parody of the recent hit film Bonnie and Clyde but called Bony and Clod. Minnie plays Blanche and Harvey plays Buck. She says she’s tired of running and asks Buck to turn himself in. He says he’d go to prison for life. She says she’ll wait for him. She asks if Bonnie is prettier than she is. He says, “I’m prettier than you are”. 

            Minnie Pearl and Peter Lawford sing a duet of “Country Girl and City Man” by Billy Vera and Judy Clay. 

            The next skit is set in a rubber plantation in the Amazon in 1908. The owner is Clyde Bentley and his mail order bride Daphne Doolittle arrives. He tells her they can’t marry because no one can replace his first wife Charline. He says he can’t rain down kisses on her. She asks, “How about a handshake and an occasional hickey?” He shows her a portrait of Charline and she was extremely buxom while Daphne is flat. She asks how she died and he tells her she drowned. Daphne is surprised she could have sank. He tells her all the things Charline used to do for him and she starts trying to do them too. Suddenly he gets jungle fever and it causes him to fall in love with Daphne. Now he says he’s her slave and so she tells him to do all the things for her that Charline did for him. 

            Carol and Peter start a song together but the cue card holder runs away with the cards and Carol starts laughing. They start over. They show some stills from Peter’s old movies and all the hats he wore. There was “My Brother Who Talks to Horses”, “Easter Parade”, “White Cliffs of Dover”. They sing “A Couple of Swells” by Irving Berlin from Easter Parade. 

            Peter Lawford was born in London to parents who weren’t married. They went to the States to avoid a scandal. He spoke French before he spoke English. He was privately tutored and his mother concluded he wasn’t suited for a career in anything but art. He made his acting debut at the age of 7 in Poor Old Bill. At 14 he injured his arm running through a glass door. His arm bothered him for his whole life and it kept him out of WWII. He was working at an exclusive club when the member Joseph Kennedy complained that he was eating and fraternizing with the black help. Joseph Kennedy later became his father in law. He made his Hollywood debut in Lord Jeff in 1938. He co-starred in A Yank at Eton, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Two Sisters from Boston, Good News, Kangaroo, Cluny Brown, My Bother Talks to Horses, It Happened in Brooklyn, On An Island With You, Easter Parade, The Red Danube, Please Believe Me, It Should Happen to You, Never So Few, Sylvia, Harlow, Salt and Pepper, Skidoo, Buona Sera Mrs. Campbell, Hook Line and Sinker, One More Time. The Deadly Hunt, They Only Kill Their Masters, Rosebud, and Where is Parsifal? He starred in Son of Lassie, Just This Once, You For me, The Hour of 13, Rogues March, Dead Run, He made his TV debut on General Electric Theatre in 1953. He starred in the TV series The Thin Man. He was voted the most popular Hollywood actor of 1946. He had a love affair with Dorothy Dandridge. He was a member of The Rat Pack with Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Joey Bishop, but they called it The Clan. He bought the rights to Ocean’s Eleven in 1958 He co-starred with the Rat Pack in Ocean’s Eleven and Sergeants Three. He co-starred in the sitcom Dear Phoebe. He co-starred on The Doris Day Show. He was a panelist on 144 episodes of the game show Password and was the all time champion of The Lightning Round. He produced The Patty Duke Show, the films Johnny Cool, Billie, . He married Patricia Kennedy in 1954 and fathered four children. They divorced in 1966.

March 29, 1996: It was a busy time of year for art modelling

Thirty years ago today 

            On Thursday I probably posed at a couple of schools. It was a busy time of year for work as an art model.

Ruth Buzzi

            On Friday morning I worked out the chords for the first three lines of the chorus of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, which is over half the chorus of the adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. 

            I finished importing to Movie Maker all 251 images for my photo-video of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I started synchronizing the pictures of Zizi Jeanmaire with the rhythm of the instrumental intro. 

            I weighed 87.4 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the last of two sessions and it went out of tune during all but one song. Tomorrow I’ll begin a two session stretch of playing my electric guitars.

            Around midday I finished painting the first coat of “blue bliss” on the bathroom door. Tuesday and Wednesday I might finish the second coat for the door frame and door. Then I want to paint the bathroom rack the same colour and mount it on the wall. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before lunch. 

            I had two avocadoes mashed with chopped cucumber and plantain chips. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back and for the first time since my fast I was able to make it there and home without having to stop to pee. 

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 18:00. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:45. 

            I recorded side 2 of the cassette tape that I couldn’t digitize with a line-in. As I did with side 1 I was able to successfully record it by putting a mic against the speaker. I think I’ll try to re-digitize the tape I recorded before that one because it didn’t really come through very well. 

            I sautéed garlic, a chopped scallion, and some chopped ginger. I added mushrooms, frozen broad beans, and two cups of broth. I had a bowl and a half while watching season 1, episode 25 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up a man with a beard and mustache asks Carol if he can kiss her and she lets him. 

            The first sketch comes from Carol’s biography. A friend of Chrissie’s named Gretchen comes over to study but she is obsessed with Carol’s husband Roger and does nothing but gaze at him. He finally discourages her by exaggerating his age and pretending he has several age related health problems. 

            Jack Jones sings “I Can’t Get Started With You” by Vernon Duke and Ira Gershwin from Ziegfeld Follies 1936. and “Cause I Got So Much Lovin in Me” by Pearl Bender and Gloria Shayne (Shayne also wrote “Do You Hear What I Hear?”). 

            Harvey Korman interviews a drunk matador played by Tim Conway who is about to enter the arena. 

            Carol and Tim play two strangers stranded on a desert island. They find a bottle with a note and it’s addressed to her. 

            They do condensed versions of three bad movies: 

            Carol plays a Tarzan type wild woman who can only be tamed with a kiss. 

            Tim plays a gangster on the run trying to take shelter in the church of his priest brother. He says, “Mother Superior always liked you best”. 

            In a parody of an Italian film a man catches his woman with another man and he is so mortified that he goes home to his wife. 

            Carol sings “Nobody” by Bert Williams and Alex Rogers. 

            Carol and Jack sing a medley of cowboy type songs while the dancers do a western themed routine. The songs are “Wha Hoo” by Cliff Friend, “San Antonio Rose” by Bob Wills, “Bye Bye Love” by Felice and Boudleaux Bryant, and “I’m an Old Cowhand” by Johnny Mercer. 

            Gretchen was played by Ruth Buzzi, who started as a head cheerleader. Her first professional show business gig was touring with Rudy Vallee’s show. She enrolled in the Pasadena Playhouse for the performing Arts and graduated with Honours. She formed a comedy team with Dom DeLuis in which she played the assistant of an incompetent magician and they had several guest spots on popular variety shows. She made her TV debut on the Gary Moore Show in 1964. She was in the original Broadway production of Sweet Charity. She was a regular on the last season of the Entertainers. She was a regular on the Steve Allen Comedy Hour. She was a popular castmember of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In and was the only woman to appear in every episode. She won a Golden Globe and had five Emmy nominations. She played Margie Peterson on That Girl. She co-starred in the sitcom The Lost Saucer. She co-starred in the Canadian comedy series You Can’t Do That on Television and the spin-off Whatever Turns You On. She appeared 8 times on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. She played Ruthie on Sesame Street. She played Nurse Kravitz on the soap opera Passions. She co-starred in The Villain, Chu Chu and the Philly Flash, and The Being, She appeared 16 times on The Dean Martin Show. Her voice was in 16 episodes of Baggy Pants and the Nitwits. She was the voice of Mama Bear on the Berenstain Bears. She was the voice of Nose Marie on Pound Puppies. She was a ventriloquist. She was friends with Canadian singer Anne Murray.

March 28, 1996: I worked out a unique adaptation of Mr. Tambourine Man

Thirty years ago today

            On Wednesday Brian Haddon and I combined busking with rehearsing for our future gig at Fat Albert’s. I worked out my own unique version of Bob Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man”.

Harvey Korman

            On Thursday morning I worked out the chords for most of the fourth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian, but that’s the second verse of the song adaptation by Michel Fedrizzi. I don’t think Vian ever wrote or had anyone else write a melody for the song and so Fedrizzi’s tune is the only one I have to go on. Fedrizzi used less than half of the original lyrics and so I’ll have to fill in the blanks later. 

            I imported to my “Les millionaires” Movie Maker project numbers 101 to 220 of the images I collected for my photo-video of that song. There are 31 left and I’ll upload those tomorrow. Then I’ll start synchronizing the pictures with the lyrics. I think all of the photos will probably need to have their duration on the video timeline shortened by at least half. 

            I weighed 87.2 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin acoustic during song practice for the first of two sessions and it went out of tune during almost every song except for one. 

            Around midday I went over to the hardware store and bought two kinds of bedbug spray: one the poison and the other the diatomaceous earth. I asked Mikey if they sell more of the stuff lately and he said he thinks more is sold in the spring. 

            I weighed 88.6 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon it was too rainy for a bike ride downtown and so I just rode to Freshco. The grapes were all too soft so I just bought bag of oranges instead. I also got two packs of raspberries, two bags of avocadoes, some bananas, a pack of mushrooms, a tub of cream cheese, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, a jar of marinara sauce, a jar of salsa, a pack of Irish Spring soap and a pack of Sponge Towels. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos at 17:35. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:25. 

            I tried again to digitize side 1 of the problematic cassette that would barely record at all with a direct line from the tape player to my audio interface. Yesterday I came close by recording it with a microphone against the speaker but the bass was overwhelming and the volume was too low. This time I turned the bass right down and the volume up to 0 and it worked. It starts with a live recording of my song “Megaphor” and the rest is a rehearsal of “Me and Gravity” and “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”. Tomorrow I’ll do side 2. 

            I created some folders for photos in my SSD and deleted several images from my hard drive. I steamed a broccoli crown and had half of it in a salad with cucumber, grape tomatoes, and avocadoes while watching season 1, episode 22 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up someone asks Carol if she’s double jointed and she demonstrates that she is. Nanette Fabray performs “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in sign language. 

            There’s a parody of Valley of the Dolls. Carol and two other women are sitting on a bed. One of them says she’s going to call the drugstore and order an overdose of sleeping pills. Another says, “Get me a jar of Dippity Do. Carol says she’s tired of the lying and the cheating so she’s going to leave Hollywood and go back to the little town she came from. One asks, “Where are you from?” Carol says, “Peyton Place”. 

            There’s a parody of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. The son played by Harvey Korman brings home a mermaid played by Nanette Fabray. His parents Carol Burnett and Art Carney have to learn to accept her. 

            In the next sketch it’s the 1936 Academy Awards and Shirley Dimple (played by Carol) is brought out to present the award for Best Child Star but she resents not receiving it again herself. The winner is her arch-rival Janey Dithers (played by Nanette). Shirley and Janey are asked to recreate their famous number from Babes in Armenia. While they are acting out the friendship declared in the lyrics they are also making little attacks on each other until they end up in a big feather pillow fight. 

            Carol brings out Lyle Waggoner to ask about his acting background. He says he studied improvisation. Carol asks to do an improv with Lyle. She says, “Let’s pretend that we love each other a lot but haven’t seen each other in five years”. Carol steps in and Lyle says, “I’m so glad to see you mother!” 

            Vickie Lawrence does a song and dance number with Don Chrichton and the Earnie Flatt Dancers. The song is “Bend Me Shape Me” by Scott English and Larry Weiss. It was a hit by The American Breed in 1968. Some of the members went on to form Rufus. 

            In the next skit Carol plays an obsessively jealous wife who is married to a garbage collector played by Art Carney. She thinks that every woman wants her husband even though she’s the only woman who’s attracted to him. 

            The final song and dance number features Carol and Nanette. They play tough roller derby chicks singing “I Enjoy Being a Girl” by Rogers and Hammerstein from the musical Flower Drum Song. Three years before this, on the show The Entertainers, Carol sang the song while dressed as Morticia Addams. Art carney joins them with a song about Wild Women. In the end everybody has broken teeth. 

            Harvey Korman studied at the Goodman School of Drama. His TV debut was on The Donna Reed Show in 1959. His film debut was in Carving Magic in 1959. His first big break was as a co-star on The Danny Kaye Show. He was the voice of The Great Gazoo on The Flintstones. He won four Emmy Awards and a Golden Globe for his work on The Carol Burnett Show. He had his own sitcom The Harvey Korman Show briefly in 1977 and starred in the also short lived Leo and Liz in Beverly Hills in the 80s. He co-starred in High Anxiety, Herbie Goes Bananas, Don’t Just Stand There, Americathon, and First Family.

March 27, 1996: I hosted my open stage as always on Tuesdays

Thirty years ago today 

            On Tuesday evening as always I hosted my Orgasmic Alphabet Orgy writers open stage in the Art Bar of the Gladstone Hotel.

Betty Grable

            On Wednesday morning I worked out the chords for the first verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I created a Movie Maker project for “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I imported the song and placed the music on the audio timeline. I imported the first 100 images I’d gathered for the video and placed them in order in the video timeline. Tomorrow I might have them all uploaded or at least the second 100. 

            I weighed 87.3 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric for the last of two sessions and it only went out of tune once.

            Around midday I did my taxes. 

            I weighed 88.35 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco. But all the grapes were too soft and so I walked over to Metro where I bought three bags of green grapes and some soy based vanilla ice cream.

            I weighed 87.55 kilos at 18.55. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:06. 

            I tried again to digitally record the cassette tape that has been so difficult over the last three weeks. The opening track of my band playing “Megaphor” live has always been the main track that has failed and just come through as noise when I tried to run the sound directly into my audio interface. This time I put a microphone to the speaker and plugged that into the audio interface. This time it recorded although the volume was low and the bass was too dominant. I’ll try it again tomorrow with the bass turned down and the volume higher. 

            I steamed a bunch of asparagus tips and had them in a salad with cucumber, tomato, avocado and pomegranate zaatar dressing while watching season 1, episode 21 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            The VIP interview is with Queen Elizabeth as played by Carol. The interviewer is Harvey Korman who tells her he likes her crown. She says, “I got it this morning eating margarine”. That’s a reference to the old Imperial Margarine commercials in which a crown appears on the heads of people who eat it. 

            Betty Grable does a song and dance number to “Hello Dolly” by Jerry Herman. 

            The next skit depicts the final episode of a soap opera called As the Stomach Turns. Marian and Victoria are having tea when Victoria asks Marian about her son who went away fifteen years ago. Marian reveals to Victoria that he’s really her son. Victoria insists that she’s never had a baby but Marian assures her she did and informs her that she’s had amnesia for many years. Victoria now remembers. Bob Baxter the boy next door arrives as he got out of jail five minutes ago when it was found that he didn’t really murder Natalie Carter because she recently confessed that she lied at his trial. Bob tells her he’s getting married and brings his fiancé in, played by Martha Raye. Marian recognizes her as the conniving chorus girl Connie Canoga. They are getting married only three days after her wealthy husband died. Bob confesses that he is Marian’s missing son, who is really Victoria’s son. Victoria and Bob embrace and Victoria remembers that Connie pushed her into the Canoga Falls and that’s how she got amnesia. Victoria says, “You tried to kill me! Why? Why? Why?” Connie tells her, “Just one question at a time!” She tried to kill her because her husband fell in love with her just because she was a little prettier. Victoria comforts her, “That’s not true dear. I was a lot prettier”. Marian finds out that her son who only had six months to live is improving and they now give him seven months to live.” Marian reveals that her poor dead husband isn’t dead. He’s been in the basement for the last 15 years writing a song that will make them rich. Her elderly husband staggers downstairs and announces he finished the song. He is about to sing it when he has a heart attack and dies. 

            They have the Most Beautiful Legs Contest with five contestants sticking only their crossed legs out from behind curtain. The winner is decided by applause. Clearly the ones on the left are the best but it’s the ones on the right that win and they are Harvey Korman’s legs. The ones on the left are Betty Grable’s, who had the most famous legs in Hollywood. 

            Next Carol and Martha play two working class housewives sitting on a stoop. They sing “Flings” by Bob Merrill from the musical New Girl in Town. 

            In Carol’s biographical sketch, Carol, Roger, and Vickie’s 90 some years old Aunt Molly and Uncle Burt come to visit. 

            The final number is by Carol, Betty, and Martha. They sing the 1923 song “That Old Gang of Mine” by Billy Rose, Mort Dixon, and Ray Henderson. It was originally introduced in the Ziegfeld Follies. 

            Betty Grable was enrolled in dance school at the age of three and learned tap and ballet. She attended the Hollywood Professional School. Her mother lied about her age and got her a job as a chorus girl when she was only 13. She also entered her into multiple beauty contests. She attracted Hollywood’s attention while performing in Du Barry Was a Lady on Broadway. She made her film debut in Happy Days. She sang for the Ted Fio Rito orchestra even though she was not a great vocalist. She married Jackie Coogan in 1939 but divorced Uncle Fester shortly after. She co-starred in Down Argentine Way, Probation, This Way Please, College Swing, How to Marry a Millionaire, Tin Pan Alley, Footlight Serenade, A Yank in the RAF, and Mother Wore Tights. She starred in Coney Island, Sweet Rosie O’Grady, Springtime in the Rockies, The Dollie Sisters, I Wake Up Screaming, Million Dollar Legs, Pin-Up Girl, Billy Rose’s Diamond Horseshoe, The Shocking Miss Pilgrim, That Lady in Ermine, When My Baby Smiles at Me, The Beautiful Blond from Bashful Bend, Wabash Avenue, My Blue Heaven, Call Me Mister, Meet Me After the Show, The Farmer Takes a Wife, Three For the Show, and How to be Very Very Popular. During WWII she became the most popular pin-up girl among US soldiers. In 1946 and 1947 she was the highest paid actress in Hollywood. She was making $300,000 a year which would be $5.4 million now. 20th Century Fox had her legs insured for $1 million. She said she was strictly a song and dance girl and could only act well enough to get by.

March 26, 1996: I worked somewhere

Thirty years ago today

            On Monday I probably posed for an art class or drawing or painting group somewhere.

Dionne Warwick

            On Tuesday morning I worked out the chords for half of the first verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I finished gathering images for my photo-video of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. Tomorrow I’ll start importing them to Movie Maker.

            I weighed 87.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice for the first of two sessions and it stayed in tune the whole time. 

            Around midday I rode up to Yonge and St. Clair to get a haircut at Top Cuts. When I left I no longer had mad scientist’s hair. 

            I weighed 87.15 kilos at 16:00, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since December 16. 

            I took a siesta from 16:30 to 18:00. 

            I weighed 87.8 kilos at 18:20. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:20. 

            I reviewed the recording I made with my cassette-to-MP3 converter of the cassette tape that’s been failing to be digitized for the last three weeks. A very short part of the beginning of side 1 and 13 minutes of side 2 came through clean, albeit with the occasional skipping that happens with that device. I would like to try recording the tape by simply playing it with a microphone against a speaker but I didn’t have time tonight and so I decided to run it through the cassette-to-MP3 converter one more time to see if it comes through any differently. I started the converter recording but after over an hour I noticed I’d forgotten that last night I’d removed the tape from the machine. I started again. 

            I had a lettuce, cucumber, mushroom, tomato, and avocado salad with pomegranate zaatar dressing while watching season 1, episode 19 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warm-up a 12 year old boy tells Carol he’s admired her for many years and wonders if she’ll have dinner with him. Carol says she can’t have dinner with him but invites him to come back stage after the show to share a Mars bar. She brings Jonathan Winters out and he does various impressions: A slot machine, a rod and reel, Jimmy Cagney, Edward G. Robinson, Humphrey Bogart, and Walter Brennan. 

            The first skit is of a married couple played by Carol and Jonathan who watch 16 hours of television a day right up until sign-off. In those days TV stations didn’t broadcast all night. After it’s shut off he suggests that maybe they watch too much TV. She asks, “What are you? Some kind of subversive? They argue. Finally Carol asks, “Can’t we ever change?” He says, “I’d rather fight than switch!” which is a phrase from an old cigarette commercial. She says, “I’m leaving you!” She goes out the door but returns and says, “I came back” He says, “and I’m glad she did!” I think this is from a Camel cigarettes commercial. She runs to him and asks about his shaving lotion. He says it’s called “Hai Karate” She says, “Take it off, take it all off”. She gets very aggressive and he starts fighting her off with karate like in the old Hai Karate commercials. He knocks her dead or unconscious, then he holds up her wristwatch to show to the camera and says, “After a terrific beating, it’s still ticking”, like in the Timex commercials. 

            Dionne Warwick sings “Theme from Valley of the Dolls” by André and Dory Previn. Then accompanied by the dancers she sings “Children Go Where I Send Thee”. Then Carol and Dionne sing “T’morra’ T’morra’” from the musical Bloomer Girl by Harold Arlen and E.Y. Harburg. 

            Next is Carol’s biographical sketch. Chrissie comes home from a costume party wearing a space suit with a bubble helmet. Carol is wearing a new hairpiece and has to go to Roger’s niece’s wedding the next morning. She doesn’t want to mess up her hair in bed and so she plans to stay up all night. Roger wants to go to bed but makes the sacrifice to stay up with her. She starts dozing off and he has to keep waking her. He tries to prop her up with couch pillows so she can sleep while sitting but that doesn’t work. Finally he puts the space helmet on her and it looks like she’ll be able to sleep. So now she wants to take it off so she can get ready for bed and then put it back on. But it won’t come off. Roger goes to the kitchen to get a tool but while he’s there Carol gets it off. She walks toward the kitchen to tell Roger, when the kitchen door hits her and knocks her into a wall sending her hair into disarray. 

            Next is a short gangster sketch. The boss tells Willie he has to be rubbed out. He gives him the kiss of death. Willie says to the fourth wall, “He kissed me once but will he kiss me again?” like in the commercial for Smart Mouth Oral Rinse. 

            Next Carol sings “Come Rain or Come Shine” while it is at first raining on her. But then large amounts of water are thrown sat her from both sides. 

            Then there is the Wonderful World of hospitals. Walter Crankcase interviews Dr. Arnold Sparks, the head of the Richard Chamberlain Hospital (Richard Chamberlain played Dr. Kildare). They are working on a cure for Ben Gazarra. I guess that’s a reference to Run for Your Life, which starred Gazzara as someone with a terminal illness. 

            Next a surgeon and a nurse have just performed a successful operation. The doctor’s been working with Margaret for a long time and now confesses he loves her and wants to marry her. He’s fallen for her eyes but has never seen her without a surgical mask. They take off their masks and he takes one look at her and says, “Forget it!” 

            Crankcase interviews Maudie Frickert who has just given birth at the age of 83. She gave birth an hour ago and that’s when she found out she was pregnant. 

            The dancers do a sort of flamenco dance and the men are cracking whips while dancing. . Carol comes out dressed in a Spanish style costume and sings “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me”. A man with a whip starts hitting her clothes until she’s standing in her underwear and starts cracking up with laughter. 

            Dionne Warwick began singing in church at the age of 6. As a teenager she formed The Gospelaires with Dee Dee Warwick and Cissy Houston. They were in demand as backup singers during recording sessions while Dionne was still in high school. She recorded “Make it Easy On Yourself” in 1962 but then she found out they were going to release Jerry Butler’s version as the first single. She was pissed off and to appease her they offered to get Burt Bacharach and Hal David to write a song just for her. She responded by saying, “Don’t make me over!” Inspired by that phrase, Hal David wrote the lyrics for “Don’t Make Me Over” which became her first hit. She did a tour of France in 1962 and was called “The Black Pearl of Paris”. When she played the Olympia she was introduced by Marlene Dietrich. “Anyone Who Had a Heart” was her first top 10 hit. “Walk On By” made her a star. “Do You Know the Way to San Jose” was another international hit and she won a Grammy. She was the best selling female vocalist of 1964. In 1967 “I Say a Little Prayer” was her first gold record. I’ll Never Fall in Love Again made it to #6. She had her first TV special in 1969. She formed her own record company in 1970. In 1972 Bacharach and David split up and broke their contract with Warwick. She sued them and got $5 million plus the rights to all of her songs written by them. She’s had 18 top 20 hits, including 12 by Burt Bacharach and Hal David. She won 6 Grammy Awards. She hosted Solid Gold in the 1981 and 1985 seasons. She was part of the “We Are the World” collaboration. In 1985 she reunited with Bacharach to sing “That’s What Friends Are For”. She began her career as a mezzo soprano but after years of smoking became a contralto. She co-starred in Slaves, She did infomercials for the Psychic Friends Network in the 1990s.