New Clothes

           On Boxing Day at around 10:00 I headed over to the Salvation Army Thrift Store to check out the half-price clothing sale. I swear that some of their shirts and pants have been on the rack there for years. I think it’s been four years since I’ve found a shirt there that would fit me and that I could stand to wear.

            I went through everything but the only thing I found was a pair of like-new shin-length Kodiak winter boots. I tried them on but even though they were size nine thy felt a bit roomy. I decided they’d be worth it to have and that I could sock out my feet a bit. The price sticker said $20 but the sale was half price on all clothing. I noticed while standing in line though that the sticker also said $20 each. If that meant for each boot they’d be screwed for selling the other one if someone only wanted one for some project or because they wanted to wear odd footwear consisting of two different kinds. The counter person told me that the boots were not on sale because boots are not clothing. By most definitions they are but I only said, “I thought they were.” There was not much point arguing about it since I got them for $20 anyway whereas brand new they would have cost me over $200.

            I had the boots in a plastic bag while I unlocked my bike and for the sake of convenience I put my chain and lock inside the bag and told myself not to forget to take it out once I’d gotten home. I went back to my place and used the washroom, and then I rode through the very cold air over the remnants of the Christmas snowstorm up to Bloor and Lansdowne to Value Village. I was just about to lock my velo when I realized that I’d done exactly what I’d reminded myself not to do and forgotten the lock at home in the bag with the boots. There was nothing to do but to pedal back to my place, get the lock and then to make the same trip all over again to Value Village. I had turkey to work off and so I guess it wasn’t a tragedy to be forgetful in this case.

            I looked through the shirts and pants at Value Village and selected some of each category. Nothing quite looked right when I tried it on though. There was a black shirt with a kind of Nehru collar that interested me and though it fit me I didn’t like the cut. So I didn’t take anything from Value Village.

            I moved on to the Sally Ann on Bloor but there was nothing there for me either. I’ve heard that people are getting taller but that doesn’t explain why pants are still too short.

            I made my way to the Dufferin Mall, walked to the washroom and then to Walmart. I looked at their winter boots but decided that I’d try to find some heavy socks to bulk up my feet for the Kodiaks that I’d just bought. I went looking for wool socks but the thickest they had were cotton. I checked out their sweat pants but everything had a single back pocket that I thought would be uncomfortable while I did my yoga. The only ones that were free of the back pocket had Batman and Superman symbols on them. If I’d bought those I would have had to get a My Little Pony lunch box to go with them.

            I went to Winners where I finally found a pair of black sweatpants without back pockets. They weren’t on sale though so I had to pay $35 for them. I walked through the mall, stopping at every store that sold men’s clothing. Some of them seemed to exclusively cater to teenagers. I was looking for pants and shirts, but again there was nothing in my size or my style. Every single store was selling torn jeans. I’ve worn plenty of torn jeans in my life but I came by the rips honestly. I remember back at the end of the 80s when I was living at Maynard and King, next door to what is now the Tibetan Buddhist temple, a Canadian woman and her Peruvian 13 year old daughter lived across the hall from me. The girl wanted me to wear out the knees on her jeans for her, so with her mother’s permission I spent about an hour grinding her jeans against the corner of a wall of concrete at the basement entrance to our building. She loved it.

            At HMV I had the same problem with their pants but I did find a purple hoody on sale for $15, though I would have preferred it in extra large, which they did not have. I also bought what the clerk called a “businessman’s jersey” with a black and white pattern that resembled splattered paint that was not on sale, but it fit and I kind of liked the pattern. I haven’t worn colours or patterns for a long time because there are so few colours or patterns that I like, but I like purple and I liked the chaotic look of the splattered paint.

            The last place I went was Mark’s Work Warehouse and that’s where I found most of what I’d been looking for everywhere else. I tried on a pair of black Denver Hayes jeans and at 38-34 they fit close to perfectly, whereas all the others I’d modeled for the mirror made my butt look like I was wearing a diaper. A pair of classic khakis with a pleated front were just the kind of pants I used to buy in those long ago days when I bought new clothing but they were a little slim at the waist. I asked a very friendly guy that seemed to be in charge of the sales staff, if he had them in 38-34. He took me to the shelves and started complaining about how much in disarray they were while at the same time admitting that it was par for the course. I commented that I hoped he didn’t expect customers to refold things after looking at them. He said he didn’t but he knew that he was going to keep his staff late that night refolding everything and putting things in their proper places. He couldn’t find a 38-34 in that style but he said he’d look in the back. A few minutes later he came back with a 40-34 to see if I’d go for that. I tried them on and 40-34 seemed to be fine and I liked the cut. The next thing I did was look for a pair of wool socks. They really only had two kinds that were quite similar in colour, material and size, but one seemed slightly thicker than the other. I don’t think I’ve ever paid $18 for one pair of socks. I topped up everything by buying a new pair of Wind River winter gloves since the ones I’d been wearing were wearing a hole in the left palm, just like the previous ones had. Why is it always the left hand? I can’t think of what I do with the left that would create any particular friction.

            Mark’s Boxing Day discount was 30% off so I ended up paying $136.79. I’d started out the day with $260 and I’d spent slightly less than $250. I hadn’t noticed any torn jeans on display at Mark’s and I asked the clerk why they weren’t selling the torn ones as well. She informed me that they were on the women’s jeans but since they were all folded the rips weren’t visible.

            I went back to the other side of the mall, to Moneysworth to buy a pair of long laces for my Kodiaks and then I went home.

            I had a late lunch of turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce and then I took a siesta for an hour and a half. It was evening when I got up. I had turkey, stuffing, roasted rainbow carrots and cranberry sauce for dinner and plus I’d made gravy from the turkey drippings. I think it was because lunch and dinner had been so close together that I felt s stuffed while watching Thor: Ragnarok. The movie was about Hela, the goddess of death taking over Asgard while Thor was a gladiator slave on a garbage planet along with the Hulk. I always liked Hela in the Marvel comics, especially because of her antler headdress, and she was hot. Cate Blanchett brought Hela to life with a great performance that did not deviate too far from how I envisioned her. She was sensual, menacing, funny and sexy.

            The only big problem I had with the movie were the silhouettes of people carrying popcorn moving across the opening credits at the beginning of the film. I don’t know why the director thought that would be an aesthetically pleasing image.