Otto Muehl

            I didn’t feel very much like I had a cold on Tuesday. I don’t think colds ever only last one day, so maybe I had a 24-hour virus.

            Around midday I heard a loud knock on the door of my building. I almost didn’t answer it because it wouldn’t be for me, but I was curious. I stuck my head out the window and saw that it was a postman delivering a parcel and I realized that it probably was for me because my daughter had sent me a present. The postman not only didn’t smile when I went down to get it, but also seemed almost pissed off. Maybe he’d knocked for a while before finally banging hard on the door and he felt his day had been ruined.

            The box had all kinds of nice treats from Astrid, such as banana chips, chocolate almond bark, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate covered pretzels, a coffee nougat bar and marzipan. She gives better gifts than I do. I feel like I will have to up my game.

            I’ve been listening to an audio book of David Byrne’s “The Bicycle Diaries”. In many ways his journalistic style is similar to mine, except that I’m a better writer. But his observations are interesting and his had the opportunity to ride his bike all over the world. I particularly enjoyed his descriptions of Berlin. Most of the book isn’t about biking at all, but rather just his thoughts unfolding and impressions that remind him of other things. He goes into the history of buildings and neighbourhoods as well.

            He talked about the Vienna Actionist Movement of artists in the 1960s, and quoted one of the actions by Otto Muehl, called “Oh Tannenbaum”: “I lay naked in bed with a woman under a Christmas tree. I had hired a butcher. He killed a pig with a slaughtering gun. He tore the heart out and hurled it onto us. The heart was still twitching. Blood spattered. Breathless silence reigned in the room. I slowly climbed up a ladder and urinated on the woman and the pig’s heart in the bed below. At that point a women’s libber lost control. She rushed the ladder and screamed, “You pig! You filthy swine!” and she was gone. In the meantime, someone attempted to pelt me with potatoes. He was coming closer and closer and it was dangerous. I had one kilogram of flour and I dashed it against him. The flour dusted his face and his suit. He stood there white as a snowman.”

            I watched an episode of Doctor Who in which he is visited by the pope and several cardinals. They say that the Doctor was personally recommended to them in a scroll left behind by Pope Benedict IX in 1045. The Doctor smiles and says, Pope Benedict. Lovely girl. What a night. I knew she was trouble but she wove a spell with her castanets.” But the real Pope Benedict was supposedly not only a man, but also extremely decadent and he held wild orgies at the Vatican. It turns out that the female Pope Benedict IX is part of a computer simulation and so is the Doctor. The simulation is a holographic game designed by aliens to practice their invasion of the Earth. But just as he’s about to be destroyed, the simulated Doctor sends an email to the real Doctor to warn him that the real invasion is imminent.

            I also found out that it’s Missy that is locked in the Doctor’s vault. I sort of suspected that anyway. He had been tasked with executing her and with guarding her body for 1000 years but he had only promised to guard her body and so he sabotaged the electrocution equipment designed by the race of executioners to stop a Time Lord’s two hearts and three brain stems. When the executioners checked their database to see how many beings the Doctor has killed they all ran away in panic. The Doctor took Missy into custody to fulfill his vow.