Alice Backes

            On Easter Sunday morning I started and finished memorizing “Merde à l’amour" (Shit to Love) by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I weighed 89.4 kilos at breakfast. I had bacon, an egg and toast, my first animal products in a month and a half. It was delicious. 

            I took a siesta from 11:30 to 13:00. 

            I weighed 89.1 kilos before lunch. I had seven saltines with five year old cheddar and lemonade.

            I took a bike ride to Ossington and Bloor. I was surprised so many stores were open. I thought everybody would be attending Jesus’s’s’s funeral. Although not summery it was quite warm outside and people seemed in a pretty good mood. 

            I put all my Brit Lit 2 lecture and tutorial notes into one document. I felt tired when I was finished and laid down at 17:37 but couldn’t sleep. I stayed in bed until 18:00 and that seemed to be enough rest.

            I weighed 89.2 kilos at 18:00. I read through more than a third of my lecture notes before dinner. I had two strips of bacon, an egg, toast and a beer while watching Andy Griffith.

            This story sees the return of Ernest T Bass, even crazier and more animated than before and talking in rhyme. There is an army recruitment centre that has opened up in Mayberry and Ernest is determined to join. Andy tries to warn the sergeant about Ernest but he insists the army knows how to handle guys like that. The physician wants to check Ernest’s teeth but Ernest warns him that he’s missing his gold tooth. The doctor points out that Ernest has all of his teeth but Ernest says he plans to knock out his three front ones and put a gold one in the middle so it’ll stand out more. Then Ernest demonstrates his dancing. The sergeant says Ernest is too much of a wild man and turns him down. Ernest promises he’ll get revenge on everybody but especially Andy. He starts breaking windows in the court house. He’s hard to catch but they eventually nab him and put him in jail. The next morning Barney is ordering breakfast from Olive the waitress at the diner and Ernest is sitting next to him. Barney puts him back in the cell but he somehow gets out again. Finally Andy asks Ernest why he wants to join the army when he hates rules so much. Ernest says he didn’t plan on joining. He just wanted the uniform so he could get girls. Andy makes Barney give Ernest his deputy uniform and Ernest is happy. 

            Olive was played by Alice Backes, who had many roles in radio, films and many more in television, working steadily for five decades. She was also a gifted violinist and continued to study music long after retiring from acting. 

            I still hadn’t finished dinner when this show ended and so I had coffee and strawberry-rhubarb pie with a tablespoon of coconut milk ice cream while watching another. In this story it’s Sunday and there’s a guest preacher from New York at the church. His sermon urges everyone to slow down, Andy, Barney and Bee decide that a nice relaxing thing for the town would be to have a town band concert but the band hasn’t been together for a while. They decide to organize a concert for that evening but the band is out of practice with at least one nearly deaf member, the bandstand is broken and the uniforms need repair. They all stress themselves out trying to get everything fixed and then realize it’s impossible. They plop down on Andy’s porch in exhaustion. The preacher comes by but says he can’t stop for coffee because he’s got to rush back to New York.