After yoga I revised my translation of the eleventh and twelfth verses of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian.
I memorized the chorus of “Dessous mon pull” (Under My Sweater) by Serge Gainsbourg. Now there are five more verses to learn and I should have the whole song in my head sometime next week.
I weighed 87.8 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time.
Around midday I used the pinkish purple wall paint to straighten out the line between the wall and the trim that I painted blue above the wall tiles, and between the wall and the blue door frame. It’s still not straight but I don’t think I can do it any better.
I weighed 88.95 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco to buy grapes with a price match but they were all too soft. So I walked across the street to Metro where they don’t price match but some of the green grapes were firm so I got five bags.
I weighed 88.65 kilos at 18:10.
I was behind on my journal and didn’t get my review of the season finale of Star Trek: Starfleet Academy written until bedtime.
Five hours before that I had a potato with gravy and three pork ribs while watching season 3, episode 6 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup Carol answers that she’s originally from San Antonio, Texas. She brings out her guest star Gwen Verdon who was a Broadway star and was asked her favourite Broadway role. She answered Sweet Charity and Redhead. Carol says Gwen is the original Sweet Charity and she saw it on opening night and then wrote her a fan letter. Gwen says that in New York all actors have to be able to act, sing, and move and dance a bit. So they go to improvisational dance classes where they act like inanimate objects with just movement like trees, bears, and fish in order to loosen up inhibitions. She does and angel, then she does a devil, which is the same movement but with her tongue sticking out. She does a movement where she turns and opens her mouth and an audience member immediately guesses a lighthouse. An audience member asks for a piece of bacon and Carol crackles and shrinks. Gwen acts like an automatic washer.
The first skit is The Old Folks with Harvey Korman and Carol. It’s mostly silent except for the singing. They are getting ready for bed and he starts singing, “Kiss of Fire” by Lester Allen and Robert Hill that was a hit for Georgia Gibbs in 1952. There’s a big buildup and then when she’s ready for his kiss he falls asleep.
Gwen Verdon does a song that starts with her in a crib and wearing a baby doll with her lacy panties very visible. She sings, “Hurry On Down” by Nellie Lutcher from 1947. She does a sexy dance routine with some men dressed as little boys.
The other guest star is Pat Boone, who introduces his number by saying young people are often seduced by the glamour of show business but lose touch with the real things in life and then find themselves alone. Then he does a number where he’s dressed as a clown singing about the Molly he’s writing to and saying he’ll come back to but never does and then he’s old. He sings “Molly” by Biff Rose from 1968.
Then Pat tells Carol about appearing on the Dean Martin Show and he begins doing an impression of Dean. He tells Carol she looks just like Raquel (Welch) and Carol asks, “Where?” because Raquel Welch was famous for a voluptuous figure that Carol does not have. Pat says he’s not going to answer that after what happened to the Smothers Brothers (they got cancelled because they were outspokenly critical of the Viet Nam war and the conservative mainstream that supported it. The Nixon administration helped to get them cancelled). Carol and Pat sing a song that I can’t identify. They sing in counterpoint and then switch over.
Then there are parodies of several commercials.
In the first a man and woman are kissing when a boy comes up and says, “Guess what daddy? I only got one cavity!” The father stops kissing and says, “Go tell your mother”.
A bunch of construction workers are on a break. Pat Boone’s uniform is super clean and so he is rejected.
Then there’s a parody of the old Brylcreem commercial. A couple are kissing on a bench and the guy turns to the camera to say, “I came back!” The camera rolls left to another couple with the same statement. The Harvey Korman as Dracula pops out from the bushes and says, “So did I!”. He blows a kiss to a pretty girl and lips and teeth marks appear on her neck.
Then there is a cigarette commercial. A suave looking man played by Lyle Wagonner is smoking a cigarette. The elegant woman with him played by Vicki Lawrence keeps reaching for the pack but he keeps moving it away from her until finally she beats him up and takes the cigarettes.
Then a voice interviews Melissa Van Harback. He asks, “You have everything, don’t you?” She says, “I’d like to think so. I have dandruff, excess stomach acidity, briar patch legs, iron poor blood, wobbly dentures, and my girdle is killing me”. The voice asks, “Ever think you might have bad breath?” She says “I have a stuffed up nose”. The voice says goodbye, she waves her hand to wave but looks y her underarm and lowers it.
A play called A Tacky Affair starring Jennifer Fontaine and Robert Preston Foster is about to begin. Jennifer is in her dressing room with a cold. The doctor comes in and determines that she has the flu and he wants to give her a flu shot but she gets her curtain call and has to leave. On stage she and Rodney are supposed to kiss but when he gets close she starts sniffling and he can’t bring himself to do it. She goes into her arms and wipes her nose on his sleeve. Meanwhile the doctor is lurking just behind the curtain for Jennifer to come close enough for him to jab her with his needle. He finally does so. Her husband steps in to shoot her and then apologizes. While Robert is mourning her sniffling coughing dead body his wig comes off.
There is another episode of As the Stomach Turns.
It’s been a quiet day in Canoga falls. There hasn’t been a single tragedy. Marian wonders what’s wrong. Her baby brother Teddy returns after ten years in college. He announces that he’s engaged to be married and goes to take a shower. The doorbell rings and it’s Miss Lilly the town naughty lady. She reveals she’s Teddy’s fiancé. They only met an hour ago. Marian tells Teddy if he marries Lilly his life will be torture. He says, “What’s the difference as long as I’m happy?”. Marian’s daughter arrives to hand her another illegitimate child. The father is at home with his wife. She leaves and Marian puts the baby in the umbrella case. Serge Krupnik, the richest man in Canoga Falls arrives. He’s looking for his long lost sister and it’s Lilly. She’s now worth $10 million and Marian suddenly calls Lilly her sister. Lilly is no longer interested in Teddy. The announcer asks if Marian will now have to become the town naughty lady.
The final musical number features Carol, Vicki, and Gwen with very large breasts and behinds under horizontally striped dresses. They sing “The Grass is Greener” by Howlett Smith and Spence Maxwell, as recorded by Nancy Wilson in 1964.
One of the writers of The Carol Burnett Show was Kenny Solms, who was part of one of the most successful collaborations in US comedy after he met Gail Parent at New York University and teamed with her to write for the Broadway revue New Faces of 1968 and for Upstairs at the Downstairs. They wrote Our Wedding Album. They wrote the screenplay for Gail’s novel Sheila Levine is Dead and Living in New York. Kenny wrote for The Steve Allen Show. He created and wrote the first four seasons of The Carol Burnett Show. He wrote television specials for Julie Andrews, Ann-Margret, Mary Tyler Moore, Bing Crosby, Dick Van Dyke, Ann Bancroft, He won a Peabody Award for Sills and Burnett at the Met. He wrote and produced The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. He wrote the book for the musical Lorelei.
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