Ballerina Harvest in Hell

            On Thursday morning I memorized the fifth verse of “Marilou Reggae” by Serge Gainsbourg. I should have it nailed down by Friday and then I’ll look for the chords. I’m pretty sure people have posted them.

            I filled up my old oil dispenser with 3 in 1 oil. I put all of my daughter’s Lego and Meccano parts in a bag, put them back in the basket and put the basket on the upper shelf in my bedroom.

            I photographed “Ballerinas in Hell”, one of my old collages from thirty years ago and then put it back on the wall in my kitchen for the first time in years.

            I went to Freshco and had to wait about a minute to get in because of social distancing. I didn’t buy any grapes because they were all soft. I got a pint of strawberries, a half pint of raspberries, some five year old cheddar, a pack of frozen hot Italian fennel sausages, some frozen pork ribs, two containers of Greek yogourt, two containers of raspberry skyr, a box of spoon size shredded wheat, baking soda and a pack of Sponge Towels.

            On the way home my leg was rubbing against my bent chain guard as I pedaled and so I stopped and just broke it off and threw it away. It didn’t serve much of a purpose that I could tell.

            For lunch I baked some egg in the oven on one of my Teflon trays, hoping that it would be less hard to clean than my cast iron frying pan.

            In the afternoon I did my exercises while listening to Amos and Andy. In this story Kingfish and Sapphire get new neighbours across the hall. As they are moving in Kingfish has the idea that he’s going to mooch off them but they end up borrowing from him right away. Mrs Jackson however turns out to be extremely attractive, charming and flirtatious. She invites Kingfish in and he sits on the couch but under a pile of shirts he finds a gun. He runs home, thinking that the Jacksons must be criminals. One day Sapphire’s mother’s pearl necklace is missing after the Jacksons had been visiting. With the help of Andy distracting the Jackson’s German shepherd dog, Kingfish is able to sneak into their bedroom and retrieve the pearl necklace. But when Kingfish comes home Sapphire’s mother says she already found her necklace. Kingfish takes the necklace to the police station and claims that he found it on the street. They take him to talk to the lieutenant but the lieutenant turns out to be Mr Jackson.

            I made a video of my song God Goes to My Head from my July 24, 2017 song practice and then I deleted the rest of the footage. Again, this version is not good enough to upload but I’ll keep it for reference.

            I oiled my Pyrex casserole dish, mixed some liquid egg with onion, poured it in and baked a soufflé. I had some of it with a potato, a steak and the rest of the gravy while watching two episodes of Robin Hood.

            In the first story two juvenile delinquents have been robbing poor people and pilgrims along the road and telling people they are with Robin Hood. Robin tracks the boys down to an abbey that serves also as an orphanage. Robin goes undercover as a hardened criminal forced to spend time at the abbey for rehabilitation. His character’s rebellious manner impresses the two boys that have been doing the robbing. They want to form a gang with him and have him teach them how to be better criminals. He lets them in on a castle robbery that he’s been planning. It turns out to be Marian Fitzwalter’s castle and Robin has already made arrangements with Marian for her to participate. Robin picks her lock and they go to her bedroom. Robin wakes her and pretends to manhandle her in order to force her into telling him where her treasure. He then tells the boys they have to kill Marian so she can’t identify them. They can't bring themselves to kill her and they run away when Robin says he's going to do it. After they are gone Robin wants to stay with Marian but she pulls a knife, kisses him goodnight and closes the door. After that night the boys have given up their delinquent behaviour and behave like little angels.

            The second story begins with the sheriff trying on boots made by the finest bootmakers in Nottingham but every pair is torture for his feet. Later, while riding with his men the sheriff id thrown from his horse when it goes lame. He walks into the village of Redford and asks to buy a horse, a mule or a donkey but they say they have none because they are a village of poor boot makers. He starts walking and Nell notices that he is limping. She suggests that he try a pair of theirs. She says they aren’t grand but they are comfortable. She tells him to feel the leather and he finds it soft, although how he could tell with his gloves on I don’t know. He tries them on and finds them quite comfortable. He tells her to send twelve pairs to Nottingham Castle and then he happily walks the 24 kilometres back to Nottingham. Master Higgs the sheriff’s bootmaker comes to show the sheriff more boots but he feels them and throws them away. He tells him to touch his new boots and he is amazed by the velvety softness of the leather. They are puzzled that they have not heard of this new curing process. Higgs goes to Redford but the villagers refuse to sell them their secret. He threatens other methods of persuasion. We learn that the people of Redford don’t even know the secret because Robin Hood tans the deer hide with a method her learned from Arabs in the Holy Land. Robin says that the secret is in the oil they use. Higgs hires a thug named Black Beard and his men to attack the people and burn the buildings of Redford to force the villagers to give up the secret. He threatened to return with more trouble if the village sold anymore boots to Nottingham. Robin says he can’t post men in the village all day long just in case Blackbeard returns, so instead he has his men teach the villagers simple combat skills. The women take to the fighting lessons particularly well, especially Nell. Robin teaches them how to fight with quarter staffs. Nell spars with Robin but he breaks through her defence and kisses her, resulting in Marian giving him a good whack in the behind with her staff. Higgs discovers that the hides are cured by Robin Hood and so the sheriff gives Higgs permission to raid Redford. Blackbeard and his men arrive in Redford but are attacked by villagers, especially the women. Only Blackbeard himself can hold up against them with his special hard staff of black wood. Robin and his men arrive. Little John fights Blackbeard but Nell, in trying to help, accidentally knocks out Little John. Robin takes Balckbeard’s staff away from him and warns him never to come back.

            Nell was played by Joan Sims who became known as the “First Lady of Carry On” because she co-starred in more of the Carry On comedy films than any other actress.