Frank Buxton

            On Saturday morning I memorized the fourth verse of “Au charme non plus” (The Charm is Gone) by Serge Gainsbourg. There is only one verse left to learn. 

            I played my Kramer electric guitar for the last of two sessions. Tomorrow I’ll begin a two session stretch of playing my Martin acoustic guitar. 

            I weighed 87.2 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I went to No Frills where only three bags of grapes were firm enough. I also bought three packs of raspberries, bananas, two T-bone steaks, olive oil, a jug of low sugar iced tea, two containers of skyr, a bag of Miss Vickie’s chips, and a pack of toilet paper. I did a price match of the raspberries because No Frills had them for $4.99 while Freshco had them for $1.88. 

            When I got home I went back out to the liquor store to buy a six-pack of Creemore. 

            For lunch I had Swiss cheese crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 87 kilos at 17:53. I was caught up on my journal at 18:52. 

            I compared the song practice video of my acoustic performance of “Vomit of the Star Eater” on September 27 with that of September 6 and I found September 27 to be rushed. I still think September 6 is ahead in charm and character. I compared September 28 to September 6 and had to listen a few times. September 28 looks and sounds better though September 6 is still slightly more expressive. I think that I’ll go with September 28 for now. I compared October 1 to September 28 and I think October 1 looks better and is slightly more expressive. I compared October 2 to October 1 and I think October 1 looks better with better lighting. I compared October 7 to October 1 and I think October 1 still looks better. There are four more acoustic takes to compare. 

            I managed to put in about 45 minutes of practice for my performance at my book launch a week from now. I worked mostly on the final chorus of “Paranoiac Utopia” and made some progress. I’m feeling good about this song but still need to play it all the way thorough and then I need to feel good about “Memo To the Heart of Insecurity”, and “The Next State of Grace”, the other two poems that I plan on singing that day. 

            I made pizza on multigrain sandwich bread with turkey Kielbasa and four-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching episodes 6 to 10 of Batfink. 

            In episode 6, Hugo Agogo has stolen all the water from Niagara Falls. On the way to drive Batfink to catch Hugo, Karate stops at a roadside water stand but doesn’t recognize that it’s Hugo who is running the stand. He fills their can with sand. There is a trap door in front of the stand and Karate is caught in a net while Batfink is trapped in a barrel. Hugo drops the barrel over the edge of the now dry Niagara Falls. Karate is pulling items out of his pocket in his search for a pair of scissors to cut the net. One of the items is a live bomb which explodes beneath Batfink and opens up an underground river that shoots a geyser to catch Batfink. 

            In episode 7, a priceless Van Gough painting is being delivered to the museum when a hand reaches up from under a manhole and grabs it. It’s Manhole Manny who also reaches up to steal the tires of police cars that are searching for him. Batfink is notified and he and Karate go down in the main street sewer tunnel to find Manny. Manny floods the tunnel and Batfink’s wings of steel are weighing him down (but if they weigh him down in water, how can he fly in the air?). But Batfink finds the sewer drain plug and saves himself. Batfink uses his sonar to find Manny down another manhole. But they are trapped in a thick cell and above it workmen are blasting their way down with dynamite. Karate chops a hole in the ceiling and dynamite falls through. Batfink flies up through the hole with the dynamite and stops the workman from pressing the plunger. Then he captures Manny. 

            In episode 8, the observatory sees a meteor headed for the city and calls the police, who call for evacuation. Batfink says a meteor is not scheduled to hit the city for another 99 years. Batfink flies to investigate the meteor and finds that it is a platform, a screen and a projector creating the illusion of a meteor. Now that the city is evacuated the movie making criminal Mr. Flick is stealing everything. Batfink finds him with his super sonar. Flick shoots Batfink with his popcorn gun and scoops him into a box that he lowers in hot butter. But Batfink dodged the scoop and now punctures the butter vat to make Flicks escape route slippery. 

            In episode 9, knights in armour on horseback with jousting lances are robbing the city. Batfink goes to investigate and is attacked by a knight but the knight is stopped. It turns out the knights are robots. They capture another robot and remove its circuitry then hide inside to ride to the headquarters of whatever mastermind is behind it all. It turns out to be Hugo Agogo again. More robot knights attack and Batfink and Karate are captured. Batfink is strapped down as spikes lower towards him but his wings cut him free and also cut the spikes. Hugo is captured and tied to a robot programmed by Batfink to take him to police headquarters. 

            In episode 10, the world’s thinnest thief Skinny Minny and her henchmen Boney Mahoney, Diet Wyatt and Scrawny Ronnie are planning a series of robberies. They are so thin that they can slip into armoured cars and other places to rob them. Batfink sends his super sonar to hide inside the bank deposit box because he’s sure Minny’s gang will try to rob it. He’s right and when they do the Beep follows them to their hideout. The gang hides in the hideout so it appears empty. Batfink and Karate search upstairs but after they enter a room bars come down to cage them. The bars are electrified and the ceiling is lowering to crush them. Batfink’s wings break through the floor. Karate lands on top of Minny and her gang. 

            Batfink and Hugo Agogo were played by Frank Buxton, who worked as a producer and director for local TV stations in Buffalo and Chicago. He became a standup comedian. He toured Australia for a year as Albert in the musical Bye Bye Birdie. He was the host of the children’s show Discovery and the game show Get the Message. He directed 9 episodes of The Odd Couple, 3 of Happy Days, and 4 of Mork and Mindy. He created the Peabody Award winning Saturday morning TV show Hot Dog. He co-wrote What’s Up Tiger Lily with Woody Allen. He co-wrote two books on the golden age of radio.