James Tyer

            On Wednesday morning I searched for “Fragile”, the next song on my Boris Vian list. As the music was written by Eddie Barclay what came up in the search was “Fragile Eyes” adapted by Eddie Barclay from Duke Ellington and so it’s possible that this is one of Vian’s translations from the US songbook. But an alternate title is “A Cannes cet été” (To Cannes This Summer). So “Fragile” might really be “A Cannes cet été”. I found the lyrics and so I’ll go with that for now and translate it. 

            I worked out the chords for the first verse of “Au charme non plus” (The Charm is Gone) by Serge Gainsbourg. 

            I played my Kramer electric guitar during song practice and ran through “Paranoiac Utopia” once. There are two places I tend to fumble. I know where to go with my hands but my hands forget. Tomorrow I’ll begin a four session stretch of playing my Martin acoustic guitar. 

            I weighed 87.5 kilos before breakfast. 

            I spent about an hour and a quarter rehearsing “Paranoiac Utopia” and still couldn’t get all the way through the song without stumbling. I found it very frustrating because I know all the right chords and where they should be played but lose one somewhere every time. It’s especially annoying because I was messing up in parts that I thought I’d already nailed down. 

            I weighed 87.6 kilos before lunch. I had Swiss cheese crackers with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea. 

            I took a siesta and slept half an hour longer than usual so it was too late to take a bike ride all the way downtown. I rode to Bloor and Dovercourt and went south to Queen. Dovercourt has streetlights but it seems darker than other streets and it’s also narrow, making it worse. I stopped at Freshco where I bought four bags of red grapes. 

            I weighed 87.75 kilos at 18:09, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the evening since November 11.

            I was caught up on my journal at 19:10. 

            I spent over an hour rehearsing for my book launch. After a few tries I managed to finally make it through “Paranoiac Utopia” without fumbling. There were mistakes but more the kind I could jazz my way through. I spent most of the time reintroducing myself to my song “Memo to the Heart of Insecurity”. Before dinner I was able to play the first verse and most of the second. 

            I sliced the rest of the bland turkey kielbasa and baked it for ten or fifteen minutes. Then I had it on a pizza with a crust of multigrain bread, a sauce made with Italian sausage and a topping of five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching episodes 26 to 30 of Batfink. 

            In episode 26, Hugo Agogo has a baby robot that works by remote control. Its innocent appearance allows it to get closer so it can use grenades to blow open armoured cars. Batfink comes to confront Hugo but the cuteness of the robot is enough of a distraction to allow Hugo to trap both Batfink and Karate. Batfink is locked in a metal box and sent over a cliff. But his super sonar beeps can be made to change shape and so he conjures one that turns into a key to open the lock of his box. Hugo is captured and Karate will take care of the baby robot. 

            This episode was animated by James Tyer, who was co-director of the animated shorts A Little Bird Told Me and Grandfather’s Clock. He is a cult figure among animation fans because of his silly, sloppy style that made inventive and humourous use of movement. Ralph Bakshi was a big fan and hired him to animate parts of the Harlem sequence in Fritz the Cat. But Tyer was a devout Catholic and quit because he found the material offensive.

            In episode 27, King Cole the TV comedian is robbed of his solid gold golf clubs, and a Mother Goose style rhyming note is left behind. That’s the MO of Brother Goose. Batfink sends out his super sonar but Brother Goose uses Little Boy Blue’s horn to amplify it and send it back. At Brother Goose’s hideout Little Miss Muffet’s spider is a bomb that blows up on Karate. Mary Contrary’s garden has plants that grab both Batfink and Karate. Batfink can’t break free because it’s a rubber plant. Then they are both swallowed by a giant Venus Flytrap. Brother Goose pulls a switch to make it night and then goes to sleep. If Batfink and Karate are inside the plant all night they will suffocate. Batfink sends out a beep that pulls the switch to make it day and they are released to wake and capture Bother Goose. 

            In episode 28, a maharaja with a million dollar turban is confronted by Stupidman to steal his turban but his guard attacks him with his scimitar. Stupidman escapes in his car and the guard throws his scimitar at him. It sticks to the back of the car and Stupidman gets away with the two million dollar scimitar. The police chief can’t go after Stupidman because he’s his brother in law. Batfink finds Stupidman who shoots at them with a machinegun but bullets can’t harm Batfink’s wings of steal. Karate tells him to throw his gun away so he does and it knocks Karate out. Stupidman swordfights with Batfink, who uses his wing as a sword. Stupidman accidentally cuts a waterpipe and the room floods. Batfink’s wings weigh him down. Karate opens the door and lets the water out. Stupidman is unconscious from almost drowning and is taken to prison. 

            In episode 29, at an international beauty pageant the winner is about to be crowned with jewelled crown but Batfink flies in and grabs it. He flies directly to Hugo’s lair and gives it to him. It turns out that it’s not Batfink but a robot with a key at the back to wind it up. Batfink sends his super sonar but it thinks the robot is Batfink and so now Hugo knows where Batfink is. He sends the robot with a bomb that hits the Batillac but the car is equipped with a thermonuclear plutonium insulated blast shield. Batfink enters Hugo’s lair but in trying to capture him is knocked out against an invisible shield. Hugo presents Karate with two Batfinks and a laser gun. Karate has ten seconds to destroy the fake Batfink otherwise a bomb will go off and kill them all. Karate destroys one of them, which turns out to be the fake one but Karate made his choice with the scientific method of eeny meeney miney moe. 

            In episode 30, Hugo has an army of three robots on wheels committing crimes. Batfink finds Hugo’s camp with his sonar. The three robots do an aerial attack and all crash. Hugo says he’ll lower his flag and give up but he knocks a flagpole on Batfink’s head. Batfink and Karate are strung up spread eagle as Hugo fires a cannon at them. But Karate faints, causing the weight to shift and the structure that holds them to fall backwards so the cannonballs fly over them. Karate kicks Hugo into the air and he is captured.