On Thursday at about 2:00 I woke up to the sound of a woman screaming loudly and intensely, “Leave me alone!” I looked out my window and the only two people on the street were a young woman with a platinum ponytail and wearing a winter coat. She walked slightly bent forward as if there was a strong wind she was pushing into though there was none. She was on the south side of Queen and the guy she was shouting at was on the north. At Dunn she crossed over and he did as well so they were still on opposite sides of the street. He kept shouting about how she was evil and treated him like shit while she kept shouting, “Leave me alone!” Finally she got on the westbound streetcar at O’Hara. Went the streetcar rolled away he looked like he was crying. He turned and started walking west again.
Later that morning
it dawned on me that I’d forgotten to pay for my phone plan the day before like
I’d planned to, so I walked over to Freedom Mobile and gave them the $28.25.
Passing Fullworth on the way home I decided to go in and buy some CR2032
batteries, since I used the last one to freshen up my guitar tuner. My new
scale also runs on the same kind of battery as does my back bike flasher. I’m
starting my creative writing classes next Thursday night so I’d better change
the battery to make myself more visible.
As I was unlocking
the building the mailman arrived. The mail lock was only fixed on Monday and so
it’d been a few months since the mail had been delivered. He had a lot of mail
for our address because it had all been sitting at the depot. I waited on the
stairs for him to sort through it all. I got mostly junk mail and several
Ontario Works cheque stubs.
According to my
scale I gained two kilos since Wednesday. I sort of feel like I did but that
seems like a lot. Shifts in glycogen stores can apparently affect weight gain
or loss of up to two kilos a day without any change in diet.
I
got caught up on my journal.
I
cooked a turnip and a carrot and heated up a slice of turkey and some gravy. I
ate dinner while watching two episodes of South Park. Each story brought back
an old character that hasn’t been on the show for a long time.
Spoiler
alert!
The
first was Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo. Mr. Hanky is the magical turd that comes
out of your butt after eating Christmas dinner. This story takes place two
months before Christmas. Mr. Hanky is the director of South Park’s annual
Christmas pageant but the city council has decided to cut his budget. He’s
under more stress with less money to put on a good show and so he begins taking
ambient but it causes him to make nasty Tweets about important members of the
community, such as when he tweets, “The mayor is a titless whore.” When
confronted about his tweets he keeps blaming ambient and saying that what he
wrote was a bad attempt at a joke. This is obviously a parody of the situation
that resulted in Roseanne Barr getting fired from the reboot of Roseanne and
the same result occurs for Hanky as the City Council fires him.
Meanwhile
PC Principal and Vice Principal Strongwoman are in the aftermath of the affair
they had last season. He keeps asking her if there might be something for them
to discuss but she wants to put it all behind her because it’s un-feminist to
have sex with your boss. Suddenly we see that she is nine months pregnant. An
assembly is called so Strongwoman can tell the kids about invitrofertilization
but her water breaks. PC Principal comes to the hospital though she keeps
insisting she doesn’t need him. She has quintuplets that seem to have all been
born with sunglasses. The doctor tells him that they are all PC babies because
they begin to cry whenever anyone says or does something that is politically
incorrect, such as when an orderly walks in wearing a Speedy Gonzalez t-shirt.
Strongwoman doesn’t want anyone to know that PC is the father and so he offers
himself as her nanny. Strongwoman doesn’t want the babies to ever know who
their father is because they came to be as a result of a politically incorrect
act and since they are PC babies it would damage them to know. Later when the
couple are shopping with the babies someone says, “Monica Lewinsky turned
republican because the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth” and the babies
begin to cry.
Hanky
makes an attempt to get South Park infected with the spirit of Christmas so
that the town will demand that he be rehired by the council. Even though it’s
Halloween he stages a Christmas concert in the park and he actually does get
the crowd excited but the PC babies are also there and when they hear him talk
about the boys and girls all over the world enjoying Christmas with their
mothers and fathers; or about good will towards men the babies begin to cry.
Then Hanky talks about loving each other and the babies begin to cry again.
Hanky asks what they’re crying about and someone says, “Sometimes PC babies
don’t know what they’re crying about!” Hanky shouts for them to shut the fuck
up and he loses control. The result of Hanky’s behaviour is that he is forced
to leave South Park. As the Pouber drives Hanky away, Stan asks, “Where will he
go?” Randy says, “He’ll have to find a place that accepts racist awful beings
like him. There are still places out there that don’t care about bigotry and hate.
Next we see Mr. Hanky arrive in Springfield. The whole town is gathered to
welcome him. Bart says, “Cool man! Talking crap!” Apoo says, “Welcome my
friend!” Just before the credits a hashtag reads #cancelthesimpsons.
In
the second story, Randy and Sharon’s daughter Shelly has gotten caught vaping
at school and suddenly Randy has had enough. He calls vape pens “pussy sticks”.
He buys a marijuana farm and moves the family out of South Park. He immediately
starts talking in a southwestern accent and begins addressing Sharon as “wife”.
He loves the lifestyle but the rest of the family hates it. Somehow after four
days theirs is a rich harvest but in order to legally sell his crop he must
pass government inspection. The inspector turns out to be the old South Park
character, Towely, who is basically a towel with arms, legs, eyes and a mouth,
who speaks in a southern accent and whose catchphrase is, “Wanna get high?”
Towely samples Randy’s harvest and his assessment is, "That's some good
shit!" But what hits him hardest is Randy’s special "Tegridy"
strain. Days later Towely is lying in a corner and saying, “I didn’t know
chickens wore suspenders!” Randy is making all of their clothes and food out of
hemp and he has a hemp had that when one puts it on one hears The Spin Doctors.
Meanwhile
the side story is about vaping in South Park kindergarten. All the fruity
flavours make vaping very attractive to children, including Kyle’s little
brother Ike. It’s discovered that Butters is the dealer but the brains behind
the operation is Cartman. It’s the sixth graders that are dealing to him and
he’s got to pay off the recess monitor. Cartman creates a character that looks
like the Kool Aid man and he comes crashing through the cafeteria wall at
lunchtime to sell vape pens to kids for dessert. Kyle wants to stop Cartman
from supplying his brother and so he goes to the hipster that supplies Cartman
and offers to pay him off with his birthday money. Meanwhile Cartman drags a
dead hooker next to his supplier and calls the cops. Butters busts the
supplier’s kneecap with a crowbar so he can’t get away, then they take all of
his vape supplies and run. Stan takes a vape pen away from a kindergartener and
gets caught with it. Randy thinks Stan is vaping and so he does an assault on the
vape shop. The president of the vape company starts beating Randy up but Randy
says, “If you’re gonna fight for your tegrity, always bring a towel. Towely
attacks the vape guy and wraps himself around his head so Randy can beat the
crap out of him. Randy turns up the pressure on all the vape vats, lights a
joint and throws it into the fumes so the whole building explodes.
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