Tom D'Andrea

            On Monday morning it was storming when I got up. The view through my window was almost as obscure as television screen snow of the sixties after stations had signed off. At first the streetlights reflecting off the white storm diffused into my room and illuminated it but slowly the glass frosted over and snow began to build upon the ledge and the room got darker even after the sun was coming up. 

            I worked out the chords for the intro and most of the first verse of “Amour année zéro” (Love In The Year Zero) by Serge Gainsbourg. I should be into or finished with the chorus tomorrow. 

            I weighed 86.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            Around midday I got bundled up, put my long woolen socks on top of the regular two pairs and wore my winter boots for the first time. I got my laundry together and ventured out. The snowbanks were up to my belly and no one had shoveled any of the sidewalks. I had to walk my bike over to O'Hara just to get it onto Queen Street. I rode like threading a needle through the snow. It was like a super holiday outside with hardly any traffic. At one point I had to get off my bike and walk it because there was very little space between a parked car and the streetcar tracks. No one had shoveled the parking lot of the laundrymat and Salvation army either and so I had to cut my own path while carrying my bike with the snow halfway to my knees. I was the only customer doing my laundry. I'm pretty sure it's the attendant's job to at least shovel the walkway in front of the laundry but he was just dozing in his chair and then watching Korean sitcoms on his phone. After riding back and forth through the snowy mess six times I got my laundry home by about 13:45 and had a late lunch.

            I weighed 84.9 kilos before lunch but the scale was behaving weirdly when I was setting it up. I edge it this way and that until it registers 4.5 kilos for the dumbbell that I have, but this time it seemed to be avoiding the five on the right and going to three. I think I need a new and more accurate scale. 

            I took a late siesta and slept for an extra half an hour. The sun was just going down when I was getting up. Since I obviously wasn't going to take a bike ride, despite the late start to my evening activities I got caught up on my journal fifteen minutes sooner than usual. 

            I weighed 86 kilos at 17:45 and I think my scale was behaving itself this time. 

            I read a few more pages of Untouchable. The untouchables aren't even allowed to worship in the temples because they will make it unclean. A Brahman has asked Bakha's sister to come and clean his house but while she is there he grabs her breasts. When she screams he runs out and tells everyone that an untouchable has defiled him. 

            I finished re-reading “Modernism and Politics.” I looked for an editable pdf of “When Was Modernism.” I found a slightly different version and copied it but I also finally found the exact lecture from the posted pdf but a copyable version, so I put both versions in a document. 

            I was starting to feel like I was coming down with a cold. I was coughing a bit, I had phlegm, and I was feeling run down. I guess it could also be omicron. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a slice of roast pork while watching an episode of The Addams Family. 

            In this story Gomez learns that Strife Magazine is sending a photographer over. He thinks it's because they want him to grace their cover as “Man of the Year.” But Gomez and Morticia hate the photography that Strife Magazine uses. Gomez feels that only one photographer has ever captured the real him and that's Wolfgang Krumstrauss. It's a horrible picture that looks like it was taken by an amateur. They are going to give the photo to the magazine but Morticia's plant Cleopatra eats it. They go to Krumstrauss's studio but he has gone out of business. Fester tries to take the portrait but he barely knows which end of a camera to use. Gomez is depressed and hangs upside down from the chandelier for three days. Morticia hires a detective who finds that Krunstrauss now works for the Department of Motor Vehicles. So the only way for Gomez to get a portrait is to get a license but the problem is he can't drive. After a few failed lessons he thinks he's ready and he takes the test. The examiner barely gets through alive. He asks Gomez why he wants to drive but he says he doesn't. He just wants the picture by Krumstrauss. The examiner says they fired Krumstrauss on his first day on the job. Finally Morticia paints a portrait of Gomez standing on his head. But when Strife magazine comes they say Gomez misunderstood. They say they want a picture of their home for their feature on haunted houses. The Addamses are honoured and flattered even more than they would be for “Man of the Year.” 

            The examiner was played by Tom D'Andrea, who started out as a publicist for Betty Grable, Gene Autry and Jackie Coogan. He then became a comedy writer for various radio shows like Jack Benny. When he was in the army he was asked to write a program for Gracie Fields when she came to entertain the troops. She asked him to be in the program. He went on to play supporting roles in films. He played the best friend of Riley for seven years of The Life of Riley. He played Bill the bartender on Dante. He played himself in the summer sitcom The Soldiers.