Toilet Paper

            On Friday morning I had a dream that I was sitting on a patio when some people at a table nearby were robbed. The tall, slim thief was very arrogant about his crime and when the people protested he lingered to intimidate them and threaten them further. His girlfriend was an attractive woman of South Asian descent. She was leaning over the low wall from outside of the patio and explaining to everyone that they had to rob them because they only had $25. As the crook was walking away I called out to him that he was a fucking asshole. He stopped and looked at me and was considering retaliating for my insult when I woke up. 

            I worked out the chords for the first verse of "De velours et de soie" (The Silk and the Velvet) by Boris Vian. 

            I memorized the chorus and the first two lines of "Lemon Incest" by Serge Gainsbourg. There are actually only two verses left to learn and there are a lot of repetitions. I made some adjustments to my translation. 

            The gap left over from yesterday's tooth extraction still felt like there was cotton stuffed into it. 

            I got a return message from Albert Moritz telling me that he'd received an email from Michael Callaghan several months ago telling him that Exile Editions had rejected my Paranoiac Utopia poetry manuscript on the grounds that my poetry was old fashioned and that Parkdale, the subject of the book is not unique. I've read at hundreds of poetry readings among poets of all ages and I think that the only thing that could be considered "old fashioned" about my work is that it rhymes. But rhyme, as Oscar Wilde says, is "that exquisite echo which in the Muse’s hollow hill creates and answers its own voice; rhyme, which in the hands of the real artist becomes not merely a material element of metrical beauty, but a spiritual element of thought and passion also, waking a new mood, it may be, or stirring a fresh train of ideas, or opening by mere sweetness and suggestion of sound some golden door at which the Imagination itself had knocked in vain; rhyme, which can turn man’s utterance to the speech of gods; rhyme, the one chord we have added to the Greek lyre". I also find it extremely unperceptive to dismiss Parkdale as an ordinary community when it has more psychiatric survivors than any neighbourhood in the world and is the place of origin and the capital of the world's Mad Pride movement. Albert had told Michael that their assessment was wrong but more importantly he thought it more appropriate that the verdict on my manuscript should be sent to me instead of him since I'm the author of Paranoiac Utopia while Albert had merely sent them a recommendation letter. I sent Callaghan an email today asking for the critical review to be sent to me. 

            I weighed 83.9 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I've been in the morning in ten days.

            At noon I headed up to Yonge and St. Clair to get my spring haircut from Amy at Top Cuts. She was supposed to start at 13:00 and I was fifteen minutes early for that. I had to wait about half an hour while she coloured someone's hair. I got my usual cut and got home a little before 15:00. 

           I weighed 82.8 before a late lunch at 14:45, which is the lightest I've been at that time since I bought the scale a few years ago. 

            I took a siesta from 15:30 to 17:00. 

            I weighed 83.6 kilos at 17:30, and that's the least I've weighed at that time in ten days. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 19:00. 

            I reviewed the videos of me singing and playing "Joanna" in French and English last summer. Of the French ones, July 7 was one of the best and very energetic. July 11 was also one of the better ones and I looked friendly, plus the light was less harsh than usual. Of the English ones July 12 was one of the best. 

            In the Movie Maker project for creating a video of my song "Instructions For Electroshock Therapy" I was able to synchronize the concert video with the studio audio for the line "in ten to twenty seconds on the killing ground of shock therapy". That's followed by a space between verses of me just strumming the guitar and I can use the concert video for that. But I found out that at that Riot Gallery show I left out one verse and one chorus after that line and just went straight to the final verse. I don't think that I would have planned on leaving them out and so I must have either mistakenly skipped them or forgot them. I'll have to use outside videos for that missing section until I get to the last verse, except for the parts that I've been using from the 360 Club concert to show Brian Haddon's "shock therapy" responses. I'll figure it out. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a chicken breast while watching season 26, episodes 2 and 3 of South Park. 

            In the first story the queen of Canada has died. The hated prince of Canada and his new wife have been bashing the Canadian monarchy but they show up for the funeral. The Earl of Halifax farts in the face of the princess. Kyle's adopted Canadian brother Ike is crying over the video of the funeral but it turns out that the queen died four months ago. Ike is hogging the family computer and so Kyle can't game with his friends. At school Kyle finds that his friends have moved forward in the game without him. Butters approaches Kyle and says he sees he's having trouble with his "brand". He says his brand is a commercial for Kyle but he's not advertizing. Butters says his parents sent him to Cum Hammer brand management. He takes Kyle to visit the company. They offer various profiles, all of which include the word "victim". 

            On Good Morning Canada the prince and princess appear for a nationally broadcast interview about how they want privacy. The prince is also promoting his new book, "Waaagh". The host challenges them as hypocrites for having a public life while demanding privacy. They storm off the set and say they are leaving Canada. They go on the "Privacy World Tour" loudly demanding privacy and drawing attention as they travel. They decide to settle in South Park and buy the house across the street from Kyle. The prince starts playing his drum kit on the lawn and when Kyle is looking at him the prince asks if he's ever heard of privacy. Kyle is working on developing his brand when the prince and princess start shooting off fireworks and demanding privacy. The prince plays polo on the lawn and knocks a ball through Kyle's window. Kyle tells them to go away and the prince hits another ball through the window. Kyle's latest brand isn't working and so he picks another one: "Thick skinned, super cool, nothing bothers him, victim". Kyle comes home to find his home has been postered on the outside with pictures of the princess. Kyle says, "I don't care". The prince and princess are watching and the princess says of Kyle, "He's victimized me because I'm an ethnic woman". The prince rubs his blue penis against Kyle's window but he ignores him. Kyle goes to school and finds Butters getting the shit beaten out of him by Bebe because he walked up and told her to go fuck herself. He says it's part of his assertive brand. Kyle takes Butters back to Cum Hammer where he finds the prince and princess changing their brand. Kyle realizes that branding is what creates people like the prince and princess. He tells the customers they are reducing themselves to products rather than people. The prince agrees and says what matters is what's on the inside. He leaves but the princess stays behind. Kyle goes home and finds Ike still crying at the computer over the queen's death. Kyle decides things get to Ike and that's who he is. Kyles friends invite him to play basketball. The prince asks if he can play. They say yes and so he starts playing his drums. They shrug and keep playing. 

            In the second story Randy Marsh needs to buy a new toilet. At Home Depot he learns there is a VIP section that sells Japanese toilets. They are computerized and don't require toilet paper. Randy falls in love and spends $10,000 on a Japanese toilet. He begins calling everybody in town to brag. At school Stan gets the backlash and the other kids start calling him Richie Rich. Randy's proctologist comes to visit because he hasn't seen him lately. Randy explains that because of his Japanese toilet he no longer gets haemorrhoids. The proctologist tries to destroy the toilet. Jimmy approaches Stan and begins to explain that 70% of the people in the world use soap and water to clean their butts and that toilet paper causes us all to walk around with shit on our asses. To supply the US with toilet paper it takes 31.1 million Canadian trees. Randy gives a public speech encouraging people to stop using toilet paper and he is shot. He's in the hospital in a coma. Stan finds out that Jimmy wrote an article about toilets in the school paper when he was in Grade 2. The toilet paper companies took his bike and his cat and threatened to sue his parents. All for a product that contributes to anal fissures. Stan gives a public speech against toilet paper and he's turning the crowd against it when suddenly Randy shows up. Randy says toilet paper is great and he apologizes for speaking against it. Stan protests but Randy tells him, "I got fucking shot!" Randy digs up and reinstalls his old toilet. The voice from the Japanese toilet was done by Allison Ye, who has studied acting and opera singing. 

            It's been forty-two days since I last saw a bedbug, although I still think I smell them sometimes, but that may be psychological.