David Lewis

            On Sunday morning I finished working out the chords to the first verse of “Le temps passe” (Time Goes By) by Boris Vian. I think the second and fourth verse have the same chords but we’ll see. 

            I memorized the first verse of “Tandem” by Serge Gainsbourg and revised my translation of the song. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice. I’ll have to deal with that guitar being out of tune until spring because I don’t want to carry it from shop to shop in the cold until I find someone who recognizes the problem and can fix it. 

            I weighed 86.25 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the morning since January 20. 

            Around midday I cleaned my tub and the bathroom floor. On my next free day (maybe Tuesday) I’ll sweep and mop the apartment floors. 

            I weighed 85.65 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of low sugar iced tea. 

            I took my habitual siesta at 14:30 and got up as usual at 16:00. It had snowed while I was sleeping and looked slippery and so I didn’t take a bike ride. Instead I walked over to the library to inquire about getting my book Paranoiac Utopia into the system. From walking there I could tell it would have been dangerous to ride my bike this evening. The librarian I spoke with gave me a new library card and showed me the online form to suggest a title. She also informed me when I asked that U of T has a similar form. I bought three bags of cherries at the Queen Fresh Market. When I got home I filled out the “Suggest a Title” forms for both the Toronto Public Library and the U of T libraries. It would make sense that my book of poems inspired by Parkdale would be available at least at the Parkdale library. It seems even more appropriate that my book would be at U of T considering that two U of T professors endorsed the book and also considering that I’m an alumnus. 

            I weighed 85.35 kilos at 17:32. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 18:40. 

            In the Movie Maker project to create a video for the studio recording of my song “Seven Shades of Blues” I fit the most recent animation frames I added to the video timeline and lined them up with the high points of the audio wave form. The rainbow wave animation still doesn’t reach the end of the intro and so I’ll need to make at least another ten frames. 

            I compared the song practice videos of my acoustic performance of “Annie C’s Aniseed Suckers” on September 28 to that of September 22 and there are slightly fewer mistakes on September 22. I compared October 2 to September 22 and I accidentally hit more right chords on September 22, plus on October 2 the Martin was out of tune at the end. I compared October 8 to September 22 and I hit more of the right chords on October 8. I compared October 14 to October 8 and I hit slightly fewer wrong chords on October 8. So if I do upload an acoustic version to YouTube it will be from the October 8 video. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with Bolognese sauce, potato chips and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 2, episode 49 of Batman. 

            This story begins with Catwoman in prison but that creates a continuity problem since the last time we saw her she jumped into Gotham’s West River, apparently to her death. Of course we expect her to have survived but there should be at least some indication as to how she got captured. Catwoman is brought from her cell to Warden Crichton’s office where Bruce Wayne is also present. She is told that her parole application has been granted due to Bruce Wayne’s insistence and he will serve as her parole officer. She says she’s going to enrol in university. The next night some men in their 30s and 40s dressed as college freshmen steal a life size statue of Batman from a university building. The next day Batman is called and the only evidence is a freshman beanie that was left behind. Batman finds inside of it a single red hair which he takes back to the Batcave to be analyzed. Meanwhile Catwoman is sewing a Batman costume based on the statue’s template. Her henchman Cornell is practicing imitating Batman’s voice then he puts on the costume. Her henchman Penn has lost his beanie. Catwoman goes to Criminology class where Batman is the guest lecturer. He has the beanie with him and says that analysis of the hair has revealed that the person is 188 cm tall, is 36 years old, has flat feet, wears glasses, speaks in a deep voice and has hay fever. Catwoman tells Penn to leave and she sets off the bell by remote control. Penn runs for the door and Batman and Robin try to go after him but the bell rings causing students to surround Batman and Robin. Catwoman tells the students to get out of the way because she and Batman want to be alone. Batman asks why he would want to be alone with her and she says because it is the first time he’s not arresting her and the first time she’s not trying to murder him. Next we see Catwoman and Batman in a malt shop sharing one milkshake with two straws. She says after she graduates she’ll be coming to him for a job. He says the job is already filled. She says maybe by that time Robin will be grown up and on his own. Suddenly the cops come to arrest Batman because somebody who looks like him just robbed a supermarket. The arresting officer’s name is Captain Courageous and he has just transferred from LA. Batman says he’s been with Catwoman all morning and Catwoman swears that’s true but the captain says, “Who’s going to take the word of a 50 time loser?” Batman is handcuffed and tells Robin to call his lawyer, “Alfred”. Later Alfred visits Batman in jail disguised as his lawyer and they switch places with Alfred looking like Alfred in a Batman costume and Batman looking exactly like Alfred. Courageous tells Gordon he arrested someone named Batman and Gordon tells him to release him immediately. Catwoman plans to steal the Batagonian Cat’s Eye Opal. There is a demonstration that night in Chimes Square with Catwoman as the leader. Her plan is that the police will have their hands full with the students while she makes the acquisition. That night Catwoman addresses an enormous crowd in Chimes Square (the view of the crowd looks like old footage perhaps from the end of WWII). Later Catwoman and her men gather on top of the Gotham City Chimes building where is displayed the Crespies Coffee mechanical billboard that shows a pot repeatedly tipping and pouring liquid into a cup. Meanwhile Batman and Robin are climbing up the side of the building and there is a cameo from Canadian talk show host Art Linkletter who hosted People Are Funny. He says he’s looking to revive the show but he can’t find any out of the ordinary people, like perhaps someone with a dual identity. Batman says he can’t think of anyone. Batman and Robin reach the roof and Catwoman has her men attack. They beat her men and then confront Catwoman. Robin tells her that when the students find out what kind of a person she really is they’ll hate her forever. Catwoman begins to cry and says, “Nobody loves me!” Batman says “There there”. She asks if she can use her catkerchief. Then she sprays them with knockout perfume and they collapse. They wake up tied inside the Crespies coffee cup. Catwoman says she’s mixed sulphuric acid into the coffee. Once a minute the percolator pours its contents into the cup. Batman says she has a perverted sense of the dramatic. Catwoman is manspreading while seated nearby and she takes Batman’s comment as a compliment. She leaves them there to die and that’s the cliffhanger. 

            Warden Crichton was played by David Lewis, whose TV debut was in Captain Video and His Video Rangers in 1949. His film debut was in The Scarlet Hour in 1956. He is best known for playing Edward Quartermain on General Hospital from 1978 to 1993.