Thursday, 2 January 2020

Bjork Will Look Eleven Forever



            On New Years morning I noticed that I was still getting wifi from Coffeetime and that they were open, even though their lease was supposed to have run out on December 31. Maybe Raja gave them an extension.
            The west side of the Dollarama parking lot was full of parked cars. Usually there are only one of two that early in the morning. A lot of people were walking as well; I assume they were walking home from New Years events and parties.
            I introduced the bow pose into my yoga routine. While lying on my stomach I bend and lift both legs while reaching my hands toward my feet. When I was much younger I was able to reach my ankles and lift my legs but my left knee can’t bend that far anymore. The exercise is going to cause a cramp until my leg muscles get used to it.
            I memorized the first two-thirds of “Bébé gai” by Serge Gainsbourg.
            I worked on my journal and transcribed the first page of my 1990 diary.
            When I made coffee I discovered that my last bag of milk had gone sour. Luckily I had a can of evaporated milk that I’d gotten from the food bank.
            I spent some extra time cleaning the kitchen and bathroom sinks and didn’t have a chance to do any washing of the bedroom floor because by the time I was done it was lunchtime.
            I’ve been listening to the Bjork discography and there's one bizarre record she made when she was eleven. In it she does mostly covers of popular English songs like The Beatles "Fool on the Hill" in Icelandic. This was a very conventionally produced record with regular studio musicians backing her up. Her singing was quite good at that time but her voice was not recognizable as that of the Bjork we all know. What’s weird is that she looked exactly the same as she does now. She still looks like she’s eleven. She sold 7000 copies and bought a piano so she could start writing songs. I also listened to the three Sugar Cube albums. The sound is basically like Punk Rock except that the band could play their instruments and they had Bjork. She was already experimenting with her voice at this time. In general, what I find with Bjork is that she tends not to rhyme her lyrics and although her music is very interesting and creative, her songs are not that great. The measure of a good song is if an ordinary voice can sing it and play it with a slightly out of tune guitar and it will still sound good. Outstanding voices like Bjork's can just make a mediocre song sound good just by rolling a lot of notes around it.
            I weighed 91.1 kilograms before lunch, which is a little too much, so I’ll need to cut back on something. I had a cheese and tomato sandwich for lunch and a thin slice of strawberry rhubarb pie with two spoons of strawberry yogourt instead of three.
            In the afternoon I did my exercises while listening to Amos and Andy. In this story Amos and Andy open up a baggage check place at the bus terminal. A charming woman in a red dress comes and points out her alligator bag but sys she’s lost her ticket. Kingfish gives her the bag but it turns out that it belongs to someone else and has over $1000 worth of jewellery inside. The police catch her but Andy is so charmed he drops the charges. They’d left Lightning in charge of the baggage check but when they got back the same woman has taken the bag again.
            I uploaded my July 20, 2014 rehearsal of the song Strip Tease to YouTube.
            I had an egg, two strips of bacon, a toasted bun and a beer for dinner while watching two episodes of South Park.
            The first story was about vegan alternatives to meat. At school Cartman has a heart attack every time they try to introduce a plant based menu. A compromise is made as a mysterious vegan businessman gets the contract to sell his “Incredible Meat”. It’s
 made out of a highly processed factory made vegetable based goo that can be made to taste like any meat. Meanwhile Randy Marsh is losing money on his marijuana business until he goes to Burger King and tries their Impossible Burger. It tastes like dog shit but when he hears how popular it is he figures out how to save the farm. He turns all the leftover marijuana plant parts into vegan meat. It tastes like shit too but in a few minutes one gets so high that it becomes the best burger one has ever had. But his burger becomes so popular that he puts a local cattle rancher out of business. As revenge the rancher gives his entire herd to Randy. The cows are ruining Randy’s crops and so he has no choice but to kill them all. This was the plan of the goo man all along because photos were taken of Randy killing cows, which will ruin his vegan business.
            The second story is the Halloween special but Halloween Special is also the name of a strain of weed Randy is developing. Meanwhile Randy’s daughter Shelly has a marijuana problem. She hates marijuana and wishes it were still illegal in Colorado. Meanwhile at the museum Butters awakens a mummy that wants to be best friends. Every time the mummy goes on the rampage and kills people the public blames Butters for being a bad friend. Shelly plots to destroy her father’s Halloween special and mixes several toxic household chemicals. She throws it on the Special but it causes it to mutate and it becomes even more potent. Winnie the Pooh comes back from the dead and wants to eat Randy’s brains. Zombie forms of the cows Randy killed begin to stampede. It turns out to have been a hallucination brought on by the powerful pot.

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