Monday, 6 January 2020

I Fixed the Middle East in my bedroom


            On Sunday morning finished copying down the lyrics to “Me chérie Jane” by Serge Gainsbourg. I also wrote down the poster’s translation just in case it’s useful as a guideline for my rhyming translation.
            I worked on writing my Food Bank Adventure.
            I finished washing the area under the middle dresser on the eastern side of my bedroom. All that’s left to clean of the bedroom floor is the section under the big antique dresser at the northeast corner of the room.
            For lunch I had a ham and cheese sandwich on a toasted English muffin.
            In the afternoon I did my exercises while listening to Amos and Andy. In this story someone falls through a faulty step in front of the Mystic Knights of the Sea Lodge hall and now he is suing the lodge. Weeks before the lodge brothers had all pitched in and given Kingfish $200 to pay for liability insurance but he had used it to but a new stove. I learned here after having listened to years of Amos and Andy episodes that “Kingfish” is not George Stevens’s nickname but rather his title as the leader of the lodge. I don’t recall that ever having been mentioned before. He decides in order to save himself, to resign as Kingfish and pass on the title to Andy, without letting Andy know that he’s inheriting the lawsuit. But a meeting is held and George is declared responsible. Kingfish settles with the injured man by cashing in the lodge’s fire insurance policy. But then the lodge catches fire.
            I finished writing my Food Bank Adventure and posted it.
            For dinner I had two strips of bacon, an egg and a toasted English muffin with a beer while watching the last episode of Racket Squad that I’d been able to download. In this story a woman named Linda trips on the edge of a hotel carpet, apparently injuring her ankle. The injury is not as bad as her and her husband Joe claim but before the hotel doctor arrives to examine her Joe exposes Linda’s ankle to a jar of wasps so that the stings will cause swelling. This is a scam that they have used before but it is taking its toll on Linda. A Mr Webber, who had been in charge of keeping the hotel carpets safe, is fired because of this accident. He goes to the Racket Squad because he knows he did nothing wrong. At first Captain Braddock says there is nothing they can do but then Webber follows Joe and sees him collecting wasps in a jar. Braddock orders the doctor to check on Linda’s ankle again. Joe uses the wasps again but this time Linda goes into convulsions and she and Joe are found out and arrested.

            Linda was played by Catherine McLeod, who in 1946 starred in the movie "Concerto" in which she plays several stages of her character from the age of 18 to 45. In the 50s films were not giving her much to work with and so she turned to theatre and television. In the 60s she acted in several soap operas before retiring. She played the woman in the 1963 Anacin commercial who exclaims, “Mother, please! I'd rather do it myself!" 


            The commercial also inspired a song by Joanne Campbell.


            I had a little strawberry rhubarb pie for dessert with coffee while watching the final episode of the latest season of South Park.
Spoiler alert!
The town has gathered for the annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony and everyone is drinking and having a good time. But Santa comes out to give a speech against drinking and driving and everyone boos him off the stage. The next day an ordinance is passed that no alcohol can be sold in South Park until January 2. This causes everyone to lose their Christmas spirit. No one wants to drive to shop for presents because if they can’t drink and drive what’s the point? Desperate to save the town for Christmas, the mayor goes to see Randy Marsh to see if he can come up with some weed for the town. Randy combines some leftover pot from his season finale with homegrown cocaine and sells it as “Christmas Snow”. Everybody is back to driving and having accidents again but when the mayor realizes Randy is selling cocaine she goes to tell him it’s illegal. He says, “It is?” Then he tells the mayor, “Wait right here!” Randy goes out and demonstrates and makes an appeal to the Supreme Court and comes back a few minutes later to tell the mayor that cocaine is now legal in Colorado. She’s satisfied but Santa is not. He passes another ordinance banning marijuana sales until January 2. Then Randy comes up with “Marijuana Free Christmas Snow” and just sells cocaine. Santa goes down everyone’s chimneys and takes all their cocaine. Randy pursues him in a snowmobile. The weight of all the cocaine causes Santa’s sleigh to crash. Randy confronts Santa and asks him to try his cocaine. Santa insists that he’s done plenty of coke and it couldn’t be any different, but once he tries it he changes his mind. It’s smooth and pure and has tegridy. But Jesus arrives and chastises Santa for giving in on the cocaine. However they convince Jesus to try it and after snorting some he is also convinced. Jesus causes a Christmas miracle by making all the cocaine that Santa stole levitate over South Park and come down like snow. Everyone gets high and Christmas is saved.
            

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