Thirty years ago today
My daughter had stayed overnight again on Sunday and on Monday it was Canada Day. True spent the day with me and until her mother came in the evening to pick her up and they went to watch the fireworks.
Wednesday, 1 July 2026
Tuesday, 30 June 2026
Joanne Woodward
I weighed 90.45 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune more than half the time.
I put away some of my laundry that’s been piled up on the couch for two weeks since I cleaned it.
I weighed 91.2 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 90.8 kilos at 17:45.
I was caught up in my journal at 18:19.
I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive some recordings of my song “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” at Mike’s Place with Mike on drums. These aren’t the earliest attempts as Mike was starting to get the hang of the song but it still needed some work. I think there are about three full takes of the song and the rest of that side of the tape is a recording Mike did for a Rush cover band, which also takes up the whole other side of the tape. I didn’t record the other band for this two track recording but I do have it from a previous digitization. The next cassette I’ll digitize is full of multiple takes of “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”.
I worked on digitally enhancing one of my old photos.
I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 9, episode 21 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup Carol says her special guest Joanne Woodward is a great actor and an even greater person.
In the Mama’s Family sketch Eunice comes home drunk at 18:00 with her old school chum Midge Gibson (played by Joanne Woodward). Midge is visiting from Chicago so she and Eunice went drinking at a local dive called The Topsy Turvy Bar. Eunice remembers that Mama is coming over and Midge remembers that Eunice’s mother always thought she was a tramp. She also remembers that her own mother thought Eunice was dumb and worthless with a face like a scarecrow. Midge says that maybe she should have tried harder when she was married. Eunice asks, “Didn’t he get drunk and beat up on you?” “Yeah but maybe that was just his nerves”. Eunice says, “I guess you’ve had a lot of flings since you got divorced”. Midge says, “Every dog has his day. I think I just insulted myself”. Eunice says she only has Ed to judge by but asks Midge if it’s magic. Midge says she’s still looking for that. They do the can-can and then Ed and Mama walk in. Mama says, “I thought this town got rid of that alley cat!” Ed is mad that dinner isn’t ready. Mama says, “We can’t expect Eunice to do her duty when Midge calls and asks her to join her on one of her binges”. Mama tells Midge she runs into her mama sometimes at the mall. She’s always chipper and uncomplaining. “I wouldn’t be half so brave if my daughter lived so far away and led the kind of life you do”. Midge says, “Some people can live near their mamas. I don’t have the stamina”. Mama reminds Midge of all the big things she planned to do with her life. Eunice calls Mama out for implying Midge is a failure. Mama says, Being a failure is nothing to be ashamed of! Hell, look at Ed there!” Eunice says Mama doesn’t approve of alcohol but when daddy was alive they used to come home drunk together. Eunice spills beer on his jigsaw puzzle that he’s been working on for weeks and now he’s upset. Ed asks if she’s going to wipe it up or is she taking the evening off. Eunice says she just might take her whole life off and go back to the Topsy Turvy with Midge. Ed is shocked that his wife went to the Topsy Turvy. Midge says, “Gee Ed, everybody there was askin for you!” He says it’s different when a man goes. Mama says to Midge, “If I was your mother…!” “Well you are not my mother, so I have no emotional objection to punchin you right in the nose!” Eunice wants to see that. Midge says, “I have made many mistakes in my life, but I have never been deliberately malicious and cruel and if you're an example of decency, sister, thank God I'm indecent and you (she points at Ed) you weren't so high and mighty in high school when you were in the back seat of that convertible with me on that double date with Gigi and you practically tore off my best sweater! I finally got away and after that, he ran after Gigi! Jim had to throw him out of the car! Oh, Eunice, I'm sorry. Eunice says she’s just surprised Ed ever had that much energy. Listen, Eunice, I'm going to have to leave. I've had enough of the family unit and the backbone of the country for the moment, but I want to tell your mama thank you because I was feeling very depressed about my life and now I feel a whole lot better!” Eunice tells Midge she’s sorry she has to go. Midge tells Eunice she’s sorry she has to stay. Midge leaves and Eunice deliberately knocks over Ed’s precious jigsaw puzzle.
Harvey and Vicki play Lanscroft and Evelyn, an upper class couple at dinner. Lanscroft’s butler (played by Tim) is standing by him while Evelyn’s maid (played by Carol) is near her. Niether Lanscroft or Evelyn lift a finger to eat, drink or wipe their mouths. Tim and Carol put the glasses to their master and mistress’s lips and put forkfuls of food in their mouths while Lanscroft and Evelyn have an argument about each the other’s extramarital affairs (Harvey and Vicki are finding it hard to keep straight faces as they are being fed). Evelyn says, “Lanscroft you are a despicable human being! Take that!” Carol walks over to Tim and slaps him in the face. Lanscroft says, “You really think you can to that to me and get away with it?” Tim walks over to Carol and punches her in the gut. Evelyn gets Carol to have a temper tantrum for her. Evelyn says she’s going to end this once and for all. Carol goes to get a gun and points it at Tim, but Evelyn says, I’m going to kill myself!” Carol shoots herself in the stomach and collapses over the table. Lanscroft says he can’t go on living without Evelyn, so now Tim has to shoot himself. He does so but tidies up the table before he collapses. Evelyn and Lanscroft go to each other’s arms. He says they just needed that little fight to clear the air.
Carol and Joanne play a couple of wallflowers at a dance. This is a rehashing of a sketch Carol did with Cass Elliot from season 4, episode 8. Nobody wants to dance with them except for Harvey who is out without his wife. They sing “Why Can’t I?” by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart from the 1927 musical Spring is Here. They sing “Let’s Be Buddies” by Cole Porter from the 1940 musical Panama Hattie.
Tim plays the Swedish boss and Carol is his secretary Mrs. Wiggins again. He calls her to his office but she’s just done her nails and can’t touch anything. he tells her he has a meeting today with Mr. Philips but he doesn’t want anybody in his office before noon. She gets up and leaves. he tells her he doesn’t mean people who work there. He says Philips is going to ask him some questions he can’t answer so he wants Wiggins to watch for him to stand up. That will be her signal to tell him he has a phone call. While he takes the pretend phone call he’ll have time to look up the answer. Wiggins never gets it right. He decides she might get it if they switch roles with her at his desk and him at hers. She still doesn’t get it but when he raises his voice in anger she fires him. He says he quits and leaves wearing her hat.
Carol, Vicki and Joanne in early 20th Century style summer dresses close with a song and dance assisted by the Ernie Flatt dancers. They sing “Everything Old is New Again” by Peter Allen and Carol Bayer Sager from the 1974 film The Boy from Oz.
When Joanne Woodward was 9 her mother took her to the premiere of Gone with the Wind starring Vivian Leigh. When Leigh arrived in a limo with her escort Laurence Olivier, Joanne suddenly jumped into the car and sat on Olivier’s lap. In her teens Joanne won several beauty contests in Georgia. She majored in drama at Louisiana State University. After graduation she studied acting in New York with Sanford Meisner, who removed her Georgia drawl. She made her TV debut on Robert Montgomery Presents in 1952. She first got together with Paul Newman when they were working as understudies for the Broadway show Picnic. The problem was that he was married and she was engaged to Gore Vidal, but he was gay so that wasn’t a big problem. He desperately wanted a divorce so he could marry Joanne and he got it in 1958. He married Joanne a week later. They went on to have six children in their 50 year marriage. When asked how he remained faithful to Joanne, Paul said I have steak at home, so why go out for hamburger? She co-starred in Count Three and Pray, A Kiss Before Dying, The Sound and the Fury, A Big Hand for the Little Lady, A Fine Madness, The Drowning Pool, From the Terrace, The Fugitive Kind, The End, The Long Hot Summer, Rally Round the Flag Boys, Paris Blues, A New Kind of Love, Winning, WUSA, Mr. and Mrs. Bridge (for which she was nominated for an Oscar), and They Might Be Giants. She starred in The Three Faces of Eve and won an Oscar for it. She accepted it in a dress she made herself. She starred in No Down Payment, The Stripper, Signpost to Murder, Rachel Rachel (for which she was Oscar nominated), The Effect of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds, The Glass Menagerie, Summer Wishes Winter Dreams (for which she was Oscar nominated), She won Emmy for her performances in the TV films See How She Runs and Do You remember Love?. She wrote and directed Come Along With Me. She was the host of live from the Met on PBS for three seasons. She graduated from Sarah Lawrence College with a BA at the age of 60, at the same time her daughter Clea graduated. She served as artistic director of The Westport County Playhouse in Connecticut. On her husband being a sex symbol she said he snores. In 1988 she and Paul started the Hole in the Wall summer camp for children with serious diseases.
June 30, 1996: My daughter hit another kid with the toy crossbow I made for her
On Sunday it was a very hot day and I took my daughter to the local playground on Dundas. She brought along the crossbow that I made for her out of an old crutch, a door latch, a big rubber band and a few other things. It wasn’t powerful enough to penetrate anything when it shot the arrow I’d made out of a stick but it could have put somebody’s eye out. She did harmlessly hit another kid with it and from then on I was very conscientious about where she aimed it.
Monday, 29 June 2026
Emmett Kelly
I weighed 90.15 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune through almost all the last half of my session. Before that it went out of tune for almost every song.
A truck went by from a company called Live Bait Incorporated. They must have an interesting warehouse.
Around midday I painted with the “crazy in love” pink hue the first coat for two of the four floral reliefs on the frame of my future bathroom mirror. I might have the first coat for the rest done on Tuesday.
I weighed 90.65 kilos before lunch. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 90.35 kilos at 17:40.
I was caught up in my journal at 19:36.
I recorded from cassette tape through audio interface to Audacity and then extracted to my hard drive side 2 of early recordings of “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” at Mike’s Place with Mike on drums. I keep expecting a channel to drop out but everything’s fine now that I have all new cables. The next tape I’ll digitize is also of “Instructions…” I have more tapes of that song than any other.
I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, three sliced Oktoberfest sausages and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 9, episode 18 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup someone asks when Carol’s book will be out. She says it’s out now. “Can you just pick it up anywhere?” “I’d rather you buy it”.
Carol sings a song I assume was written by one of her writers about how, “Anybody named Jackson has got to wind up on top”. She lists several famous people named Jackson and then finally The Jackson 5. Then they come out and sing it with her before doing their own number, “Forever Came Today”. I could tell the songwriters without looking it up because it had the stamp of Holland, Dozier, and Holland, who wrote most of the songs for The Supremes and this song was a hit for them in 1967. Michael Jackson was developing more and more finesse. One could see it in how he spun around and grabbed the mic.
Harvey plays a politician about to meet the US president to receive a cabinet post. Tim is his right hand and he comes to Harvey to tell him the president is ready for him. Harvey’s wife has been sitting quietly and now Harvey tells her it’s time to meet the president. Tim says he told the president he would be coming without his wife. Harvey insists he go back and tell the president that his wife would be coming as well if Tim wants to be appointed the undersecretary.. We learn that Carol has just recovered from a severe head injury sustained by sticking her head out of a train window and hitting a telephone pole. She swings from a chandelier when Harvey isn’t looking. Tim comes back with some papers for Harvey to review. When Harvey turns his back Carol is all over Tim, first seductively and then bopping him on the head. When Harvey turns his back again Carol runs, jumps and wraps her legs around Tim as she kisses him and he struggles to get free. Tim asks Harvey to reconsider taking his wife. Harvey says if he asks that again he’s fired. When Harvey’s back is turned again Carol pours water all over Tim. This keeps happening until now she’s drawn a Hitler moustache on Tim and pulled his pants down. Harvey fires Tim and then wonders with whom to replace him. Carol says, “How about Bob Thomson?” Bob Thomson turns out to be the hat rack in Harvey’s office and they take it to meet the president.
The Jackson 5 pretend to teach Vicki how to dance and sing the 1974 song “Body Language” by Hal Davis and Don Fletcher.
They do a parody of the 1946 film A Stolen Life starring Bette Davis as identical twins with opposite personalities. Carol plays the Bette Davis roles. We first meet the shy and reserved Patsy who is obsessed with the lighthouse she can see from her window. Then she meets Bill the lighthouse keeper played by Harvey and they have a lot in common. They fall for each other but then he meets Patsy’s outgoing and glamourous sister Vera. By the time Patsy returns to the room they have run off together. Months later Vera and Bill are married and living in New York where Bill is a big success. Vera returns for a visit and she and Patsy go sailing. Vera drowns and Patsy assumes her identity so she can be with Bill. She has to deal with the fact that every man she meets is Vera’s lover. She learns that Bill wants to divorce her so she reveals herself to him and he says he is now free to be with the one he truly loves, which is his maid Docina. So Patsy lets all of Vera’s lovers fawn over her as consolation.
The final sketch is an almost exact remake of one from season 4, episode 8.
Carol’s Charwoman is at a circus. She meets a clown who gives her a dead rose. He tries to juggle while balancing a feather on his nose but he can’t juggle and the feather is glued to his nose. He sweeps the spotlight into a small circle, picks it up and hands it to her. She puts it in her pocket. She sings “It’s Only a Paper Moon” by Harold Arlen, Yip Harburg and Billy Rose from 1933. Then she sings “Look for the Silver Lining” by Jerome Kern and B.G. De Sylva from 1919. At the end she thanks “the world’s greatest clown”, Emmett Kelly. I would think if he was really the world’s greatest clown he would have come up with another routine in five years.
Emmett Kelly wanted to be a newspaper cartoonist but couldn’t get work in that field so he became a chalk-talk artist. He would tell stories and illustrate them in chalk. He then became a trapeze artist. His first appearance as a clown was with Howe’s Great London Circus in 1921 in Iowa. The sad faced clown persona he played on the Carol Burnett Show was named Weary Willy and he was based on the many hoboes that that were a common sight during the Depression. A “weary willy” was another name for a hobo. He performed as a cartoonist dressed as a clown in night clubs. His nightclub act attracted the attention of several circuses and he eventually joined Coles Brothers Circus. He helped to rescue several children after a circus tent caught fire. He had a nightclub act in the 1930s with Linn Sheldon. He made his Broadway debut in Keep Off the Grass in 1940. In 1942 he joined Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey where he did an act called Panto’s Paradise in which he played a hobo clown in Fairyland. He made his film debut in The Fat Man in 1951. His 1954 memoir is called Clown. In 1956 he was the first guest on What’s My Line? In 1958 he co-starred in Wind Across the Everglades. In 1959 he was hired by Pacific Ocean Amusement Park for 19 weeks as vice president in charge of fun. He was a regular for 15 years at Harrah’s in Lake Tahoe. He became known to millions when he started performing on TV. He was in Bette Midler’s first TV special and she sang John Prine’s song “Hello In There” to his Weary Willy character.
June 29, 1996: It was a rainy day
On Saturday I picked up my daughter from her mother’s place and brought her to mine to spend the weekend. It was a rainy day and so we played indoors.
Sunday, 28 June 2026
Nick Benedict
On Saturday morning I memorized the first chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. Now that I know the first two verses and the first chorus, there is just two verses and one chorus left to learn.
I ran through singing and playing the parody of “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You)” by Serge Gainsbourg in French and English. Then I uploaded it to my Christian’s Translations blog to prepare it for publication and I should have it done tomorrow.
I weighed 89.55 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it went out of tune a lot more than usual. It only fully behaved through four songs.
At around midday I went to Freedom Mobile to pay for my July phone plan, to Vina Pharmacy to pick up a prescription and then rode down to No Frills for groceries. I got five bags of cherries, a pack of blueberries, some bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, some mouthwash, a jar of tomato pesto, a jug of lemonade, a jug of orange juice, two containers of PC skyr, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s chips. I did a price match for the cherries with the Metro price. The Freshco price is cheaper but I couldn’t find it on their flyer.
I weighed 90.1 kilos at 14:40. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.
I took a siesta at 15:30 and got up at 17:00. By the time I’d brushed my teeth it was too late for a bike ride.
I weighed 90.35 kilos at 17:25.
At 18:52 I was caught up in my journal for the first time in about two weeks.
I returned to my project of digitizing my cassette tapes for the first time since I got all the proper cables so I can record with two channels. I recorded side one of a session of early recordings of my song “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy” at Mike’s Place with Mike on drums. There’s no more frustrating dropping out of the right channel. Tomorrow I’ll do side 2.
I grilled five Oktoberfest sausages. I then made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, two sliced sausages, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 9, episode 17 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup Carol introduces in the audience Don Sutton, the pitcher for the LA Dodgers, who is there with his wife.
Carol says she watches one soap opera and everybody knows that because she talks about All My Children all the time. She found out that Nick Benedict who plays Philip was in the audience so she brings him up and gets the audience to ask him questions.
Someone asks where he got his curly hair and he says from his Italian father.
Are the shows live? No they are always a week ahead.
A woman asks if he’s married and he asks, “What are you doing tonight?” No.
Carol and Harvey play a couple who hardly ever have time for each other because they lead very busy lives. She suggests that they have lunch today at noon but then realizes she can’t. She says “How about 13:00?” but he has a meeting. He says at 15:30 he has a free eight minutes but she can’t do it. She says one of them has to pick up Bob at 16:00. Harvey says he’s not ready to discuss that merger but she reminds him that Bob is their son. Harvey says, “Let’s have lunch sometime”. Suddenly Carol says, “I think it’s time” then stands up and we see she’s pregnant. He asks, “Do you need me?” She says, “No, I won’t be long” then she leaves. Harvey wonders how that happened.
Steve Lawrence sings “In the Still of the Night” by Cole Porter from the 1937 film Rosalie.
Carol plays Marge and Vicki plays her co-worker Carla. Carla says she has a great riddle but Marge says she doesn’t want to hear it because riddles give her a headache. Carla tells it anyway: “You’re in a room with all southern exposure. A bear walks by. What colour is the bear?” (It would be white because if the view is south from all sides that’s the only colour a bear would be). Marge says brown and Carla starts laughing. Marge asks what colour it is. Carla says, “It’s a riddle! Figure it out!” “I don’t want to. I’ve got the headache that I told you riddles give me. Just tell me what colour is the bear”. Carla says, “I can’t. I don’t know the answer”. Steve sits with them and hears about the riddle. He knows the answer but wants to share a different one. “You’re driving a bus. There’s ten people on the bus. At the first stop two people get on and four people get off. At the next stop three people get on and four people get off. At the next stop nobody gets on and two people get off. What’s the name of the bus driver?” (Obviously if you’re driving the bus it’s your name). Marge thinks there’s no answer. Carla figures it out and whispers the answer to Steve. Marge asks for the answer but Steve says it’s not fair to tell her. But he whispers to Clara the colour of the bear. Marge starts shouting at them. Carla says, “If you’re gonna get this upset you shouldn’t get involved in riddles in the first place!” Carla and Steve leave, but then Harvey comes up to tell her the riddle about the bear. She starts beating him up.
Tim plays a boss with a Swedish accent. He’s just gotten an intercom for himself and his secretary Mrs. Wiggins (played by Carol) so they can communicate more efficiently. But every time he tries to communicate with her she pushes the button to talk without hearing what he is saying. This goes on back and forth until he gives up on the intercoms.
Carol and Steve are sitting together. She tells him how beautiful his and his wife Eydie Gormé’s TV special was and that they never sang better. Steve is asking Carol trivia questions from match books, like “What was President Truman’s profession before he went into politics?” He was a haberdasher. “What was a nickname for the Model T?” The Tin Lizzy. Carol asks one: “The most Oscars won by a single person is 35. Who won them?” Steve says Walt Disney. “What musical instrument does Benny…” The answer is clarinet. “What year was the gramophone invented?” Steve doesn’t know but the answer is 1915. This is a segue to Carol and Steve’s duet. Steve sings “That Wonderful Year”, which was written by Carol’s husband Joe Hamilton for The Garry Moore Show. Then he sings the 1916 song “Where Did Robinson Crusoe Go With Friday on Saturday Night” by Sam Lewis, Joe Young, and George W. Meyer. Carol sings the 1914 song “Out Among the Sheltering Pines” by Abe Olman and James Brockman. Carol and Steve sing the 1914 song “By the Beautiful Sea” by Harry Carroll and Harold R. Atteridge. They sing the 1915 song “Memories by Egbert Van Alstyne and Gus Kahn. Then the 1914 song “When You Wore a Tulip and I Wore a Big Red Rose” by Percy Wenrich and Jack Mahoney. Then the 1915 song “I Ain’t Got Nobody” by Spencer Williams and Roger A. Graham. The Carol sings “Play a Simple Melody” by Irving Berlin from the 1915 musical Watch Your Step with Steve singing the counterpoint. Then they sing the 1914 song “Twelfth Street Rag” by Euday L. Bowman.
They do a salute to the oldest surviving movie studio that started in 1912: Universal.
In 1948 Universal won its first Oscar for Laurence Olivier’s Hamlet. Harvey plays Hamlet and Tim plays the gravedigger who hands him Yorick, the King’s Jester’s skull. He holds it with the back of the skull facing the camera and laughs. He says, “Even in death he has not lost his power to make men laugh!” Then he turns the skull around and it’s wearing the Grouch Marx mask with the glasses, big eyebrows, big nose and moustache.
Vicki says one Universal’s hits in 1972 was called Pete and Tilly, that starred Walter Matthau and others. The joke is that it co-starred Carol Burnett.
Tim talks about Universal’s Rooster Cogburn, starring Katherine Hepburn and John Wayne. Carol plays Hepburn and Harvey plays Wayne. She’s listing all the strict rules she’s going to impose on him during their journey west and so he stuffs his eyepatch in her mouth.
Harvey talks about the 1962 film Freud: the Secret Passion, starring Montgomery Clift. Steve plays Freud and Vicki his patient. he tells her she mustn’t be ashamed of her sexuality, then he excuses himself to go shame-shame.
Harvey talks about the recent film Earthquake, starring Charleton Heston. Carol and Steve play a couple having an affair. They begin kissing when the earthquake starts and are finished just when it stops, so they think it was just them.
Carol says in 1954 Universal released The Glen Miller Story. She sings “Moonlight Serenade” by Glen Miller and Mitchell Parish.
The band plays “Tuxedo Junction” by Erskine Hawkins Bill Johnson, and Julian Dash while the dancers Jitterbug. Vicki as part of a vocal quintet sings “Perfidia” by Alberto Dominguez with English lyrics by Milton Leeds. Then Carol comes out and sings it as a lead vocal. Steve then sings “At Last” by Mack Gordon and Harry Warren from the 1941 film Sun Valley Serenade. Then the dancers dance some more in that old style to another Glenn Miller tune. Harvey pretends to play a saxophone and sings the 1942 song “I Got a Gal in Kalamazoo” also by Gordon and Warren. The dancers dance to the 1940 song “Pennsylvania 6-5000” by Jerry Gray and Carl Sigman. Then everybody sings “Jukebox Saturday Night” by Al Stillman and Paul McGrane from the 1942 show Stars on Ice. Steve sings “Serenade in Blue” by Warren and Gordon from the 1942 film Orchestra Wives. Carol returns to “Moonlight Serenade”.
Nick Benedict made his film debut at the age of 9 in the 1955 movie Wiretapper. He played Philip Brent on All My Children from 1973 to 1978, for which he was nominated for a Daytime Emmy Award. He played Curtis Reed on Days of Our Lives from 1993 to 2001. He appeared in seven episodes of Santa Barbara. He appeared in thirty episodes of Tribes. He co-starred in The Pistol: Birth of a Legend.
June 28, 1996: I was depressed about my eviction
Thirty years ago today
On Friday I was depressed about the court decision to evict me from 111 Sheridan Avenue. Now I had to find a new place to live and started checking out the available apartment rentals within my limited budget in the downtown area.
In the evening I performed on the Spit Fridays open stage in the back room of the Cameron.
Saturday, 27 June 2026
Beverly Sills
I weighed 90 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Martin during song practice and it continues to go out of tune for every song.
Around midday I painted with the “crazy in love” pink hue the outside half of the last of four floral reliefs on my future bathroom mirror. On Sunday I’ll start painting the inside halves.
I weighed 90.75 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco because yesterday I forgot to buy Sponge Towels. So this time I got a pack of three, plus some shaving gel.
I weighed 90.7 kilos at 17:55.
I worked on getting caught up on my journal at was still a bit behind at suppertime.
I had a potato with gravy and two chicken drumsticks while watching season 9, episode 16 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup Carol announces that in March of 1976 she will be doing a special called Sills and Burnett at the Met. She introduces Beverly Sills and her husband Peter Greenough, who are in the audience.
Someone asks Carol if she’s ever had electrolysis. Carol says just on her chest.
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip are playing rock paper scissors when their daughter rushes in to announce that she’s met the one she wants to marry. Her mother reminds her that she engaged to marry the Earl of Shikawar. Vicki says she doesn’t want to marry him because he’s “a yutz like daddy”. Elizabeth and Philip decide that the best strategy is to give in. She brings in a soldier played by Tim and it’s the same one they encountered before who wouldn’t let them into Buckingham Palace when he was standing guard. Elizabeth tells the princess that this man once swallowed a live hand grenade and as a result he has no internal organs. The princess says she doesn’t care. Elizabeth gives her permission and the princess says they must prepare the palace for the royal wedding. Tim says he doesn’t want to get married in a palace but in the middle of the ocean. She gives in and says they can get a boat from the Royal Navy but Tim says he doesn’t want a boat. He wants them to be swimming when they tie the knot. Around this time the princess realizes he’s looney. Elizabeth asks him that when he’s out in the middle of the ocean doing the back stroke at night what will he see. He says he’ll see stars. Vicki hits him over the head with a vase and knocks him out, then they all leave.
Rita Morino does a dance with some of the male dancers while singing the 1968 song “Some Cats Know” by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller.
Harvey plays a disgraced officer and Tim plays his commander at a cashiering ceremony. They start laughing from the start and find it hard to keep a straight face throughout the gag. He strips the stripes from Harvey’s right sleeve but can’t seem to get the left ones off. He can’t get his epaulettes but only threads off his shoulders. The medals won’t come off or the buttons on his coat. But during the whole process Tim’s uniform falls apart and his pants fall down until he final drops the charges against Harvey.
In a bank, Vicki is a new teller trainee being supervised by Carol. Tim is a novice bank robber being supervised by Harvey. Tim fumbles everything he’s supposed to say or do. Vicki and Carol are laughing because Tim hasn’t given them a note yet. Harvey is mad and tells him to give them the note. Tim is nervous and hands Vicki his gun instead of the note. Harvey takes it back from her. The note reads, “Put $300,000 in this bag, Love, Killer”. Tim forgot to give her the bag. He gives her one but it’s too small for that amount. Carol pulls out the $300,000 bag from behind the counter. Vicki starts to count out the money as she puts it in the bag: “$1, $2, $3…” Carol takes over as the teller and Harvey takes over as the robber, so now it is pro dealing with pro. She puts three $100,000 bundles in the bag, plus the bank calendar, “and a piggy bank for your little friend”. Carol and Harvey are very impressed with each other’s professionalism and are feeling mutual attraction. But she reluctantly says it wouldn’t work because she’s 9:00 to 5:00 and he’s ten to twenty. She says, “You’d better go because I pressed the silent alarm”. Two cops come in. One is a trainee and one is his supervisor. Tim mistakenly hands them his gun and they are arrested.
Harvey and Carol are a married couple and Harvey is going away for two days. Carol has been accident prone in the past but feels she is cured. However, just to be sure, Harvey has hired a nurse to watch over Carol for the time Harvey will be gone. Nurse Hawkins (played by Rita) arrives and refers to Carol as a “proney”. Hawkins begins to remove all potentially dangerous items from the apartment and put them in a bag. She picks up a cigarette lighter and says that it’s extremely dangerous, She lights it and burns Carol’s nose. Carol says, “You did it!” but Hawkins says Pronies are always looking for someone to blame. Hawkins takes a knife from the counter and drops it into a bag on the floor but she’s already put the bag on top of Carol’s foot so the knife goes through the bag and stabs Carol’s toe. Hawkins hits Carol in the head when she opens a door. Hawkins sits Carol down in the chair where she left her needlepoint. Carol gives up and admits that she’s accident prone and begins to direct the accidents towards Hawkins just as Hawkins did to Carol. Hawkins gets knocked around, accidentally stabbed, and has her fingers broken until she’s willing to leave.
Carol, Vicki and Rita play dishwashers in a fancy restaurant. Their positions are so low that their dreams aren’t much higher. Rita fantasizes about being a secretary while Carol dreams of being a hatcheck girl. They sing “Much More” by Harvey Schmidt and Tom Jones from the 1960 musical The Fantasticks. They then sing “There’s Gotta Be Something Better Than This” by Cy Coleman and Dorothy fields from the 1966 musical Sweet Charity.
Beverly Sills was considered the queen of US opera. She made her debut at the age of 3 won a Brooklyn Beautiful Baby contest in which she sang “The Wedding of Jack and Jill”. She made her professional debut at the age of 4 on Uncle Bob’s Rainbow House radio show. She began to study singing at the age of 7. At the age of 8 she made her film debut, singing in the short film Uncle Sol Solves It. At 16 she made her stage debut with a Gilbert and Sullivan company touring 12 cities in the US and Canada. She sang on the radio in her teens and made her opera debut in Carmen at the age of 18. She was the first US opera star to rise to the top without European training. Her voice type was characterized as lyric coloratura. She sang with the New York City Opera from 1955 to 1980. She became an international star after playing Cleopatra in Handel’s Julias Caesar in 1966. She appeared on the cover of Time magazine in 1971. She was largely associated with the operas of Donizetti. She made her Met debut in 1975 in in The Siege of Corinth and received an 18 minutes standing ovation. She recorded 18 full length operas. She won one Grammy Award. Gian Carlo Menotti’s La Loca was written for her to sing. In the late 1970s she won four Emmy Awards for her interview show Lifestyles with Beverly Sills. In later years she became the first woman to direct the New York City Opera Company. In 1994 she became the first female chairman for the Lincoln Centre for the Performing Arts. She was the Chair of the Metropolitan Opera from 2002 to 2005.
June 27, 1996: The court melted when they saw my 8 months pregnant landlady and I knew I was screwed
Thursday was the day of my court appearance to fight my eviction from my apartment 111 Sheridan Avenue. Raven was kind enough to appear in court with me as a witness to dispute the complaints made by my landlords Helga Schlatter and Peter Bird, with whom I shared the kitchen. Raven and I were there early and so I saw the effect on the court when Helga walked in, eight months pregnant. She and Peter looked like Little House on the Prairie and the whole court melted when they saw her. I noticed the judge and all the other court officials smiling when they saw her and I knew right then that I was screwed. It didn’t matter to the judge that Helga had snuck into my apartment to take photos of my space heater, which I’d left on in the winter because Helga and Peter refused to turn on the furnace. When I was writing I often crumpled up discarded drafts into balls and threw them on the floor. Helga showed pictures she’d taken at floor level to make it look like the balls of paper were very close to the heater. She also presented pictures of some food that I’d let go bad in the fridge. Who the hell doesn’t have something that’s going bad in the fridge? She claimed that I’d damaged a baking pan of hers by playing with it in the yard with my daughter but I had an identical pan to hers and it was my pan that I’d dented, and I still have it. She claimed my daughter was poorly behaved (which is ironic considering that the child she gave birth to grew up to be a murderer). She presented a letter from someone who spent the night with her and Peter confirming that my friends and I were loud. Helga gave a dramatic performance to express how much stress I had caused her and while she was emoting I could see the court stenographer giving me the evil eye. I was shocked when Judge B. Wright wouldn’t even let me present Raven as a witness. He just said, “I’ve heard enough. You are a very bad tenant!” He ruled that I had to vacate the premises by the end of July. I was very upset but was grateful to have had Raven’s support.
It probably would have been a different result if I’d been able to get legal aid but 1996 was the worst year for Legal Aid in Ontario history. Ontario Premier Mike Harris had slaughtered the budgets for a lot of social programs but especially Legal Aid.
Friday, 26 June 2026
Randy Doney
On Thursday morning I memorized the second verse of “La complainte de Bonnot”.
I worked out the chords for lines three to five of the chorus of the “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You) parody” by Serge Gainsbourg. There are twelve lines in the chorus and I think maybe the sixth line completes the pattern but I’ll find out tomorrow.
I weighed 90.5 kilos before breakfast.
I played my Martin during song practice and as usual it went out of tune for every song.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal.
I weighed 91.55 kilos before lunch, which is the heaviest I’ve been in the early afternoon since June 15.
In the afternoon I headed out for my bike ride and for the second day in a row there was a bicycle at the bottom of the stairs blocking the exit.
I rode downtown and on the way back I stopped at Freshco where the cherries were very cheap. I also bought bananas, a pack of Oktoberfest sausages, and a pack of Full City Dark coffee.
When I came back the bike was still there and it was even more difficult to get past it coming from outside to inside. I ended up knocking it over and had to come back down to set it upright. I wonder which inconsiderate neighbour of mine is the owner. I suspect it’s Delmar in unit 5.
I weighed 91.3 kilos at 18:20. June 11 was the last evening when I was so unkind to the scale.
I was behind in my journal and worked on getting caught up. I was still behind at suppertime but starting to catch up.
I grilled eight chicken drumsticks and had two with a potato and gravy while watching season 9, episode 13 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup a young woman asks Carol how she would change the world if she had three wishes. She says no wars, no disease, and being stranded on a desert island with Paul Newman.
Someone asks Carol how is your love life? She answers “G rated”.
Eydie Gormé plays a snooty TV star named Marla Nelson who is pretending to be sick in the hospital until she gets more money from the network. Carol (as her old woman character Miss Toddler) is wheeled in by Harvey to the bed next to Marla’s. Harvey tells her they’re just putting her here for a few minutes until they have the results of her X-rays so they know whether to operate or not. He starts helping her into bed until he recognizes Marla and drops Toddler to the floor, forgetting all about her. Marla is annoyed that she no longer has a private room. Toddler is trying to climb from the floor to the bed and has her hand on the bed trying to pull herself up when Harvey sits on her hand as he’s talking to Marla. Toddler makes it into bed but she is moaning in pain. Marla and Harvey tell her to be quiet. Harvey starts to try to impress Marla with his impressions. He grabs Toddler’s blanket for a prop and knocks her out of bed again. Toddler gets back into bed and Harvey says he’s going to get a sedative to knock her out. Toddler wants the bed propped up so she can write her will. Marla presses a button and the bottom end goes up in the air with her legs. She presses another and the top end goes so now she’s doubled. Harvey comes in and tells her she looks like a taco. He sets the bed right again and gives her a sedative drink then he turns back to Marla to try to impress her. Marla wants a drink of water and Harvey grabs Toddler’s glass from her hand to give it to Marla to fill with water, but Toddler hasn’t drunk the sedative yet. Marla drinks it and falls asleep. Two scrubs come in with a gurney and ask Toddler if she’s the appendectomy. She says she doesn’t know. They see that Marla is knocked out so they figure she’s the one so they take her for the operation.
Eydie Gormé is backed up by the Peter Matz Orchestra as she sings the 1931 song “As Time Goes By” by Herman Hupfeld, which was made famous in 1942 when it was sung in the film Casablanca.
Tim Conway is returning a large plant to a store run by Carol who treats all her plants like people. He starts to tell her his problem but she interrupts him to listen to the silent complaint of a little plant on the counter. He says, “I want to get rid of this crummy plant” but Carol grabs him and says, “Don’t you ever talk that way in front of a plant! Don’t you know that dry rot is psychosomatic?” He tells her the plant hates him. She goes to the back to fill her water can and while she’s gone his plant grabs him. They engaged in a violent wresting match and are trading blows when Carol returns to pull Tim off. She accuses him of cruelty to plants. He says he just wants to get rid of it. She gives him a fern in exchange and goes to the back to get a box. While she’s gone the plant attacks Tim again and they are fighting when she comes back. She breaks it up again. She says if it hates him it must have a good reason. She makes him tell the plant, “I love you”. The plant affectionately lays one of its big leaves on Tim’s shoulder. Carol now gets him to tell the plant its beautiful and the plant begins to embrace him. Carol starts to cry and goes to get a tissue. Tim says to the plant, “Whadaya say we start over as friends?” The plant gives Tim an affectionate punch in the shoulder and Tim returns it. Then the plant hits Tim harder and Tim hits back and suddenly they are fighting again. Carol catches them and order Tim to leave. Then she says to the plant, “And as for you, you stupid jerk, this is the fifth time this month we’ve tried to get rid of you!” She begins to repeatedly slap and kick the plant.
Carol plays a homemaker stepping into her kitchen in the morning. Harvey comes out of the bedroom in a suit and coat with a briefcase, shouts, “I smell clean!” and leaves. Carol is puzzled and says to herself, “I don’t have a husband”. She puts a cigarette into her mouth and Tim comes out with a lighter saying “Flick your Blic?” She shoots a fire extinguisher at him. Carol takes some paper towels to wash the windows of the door when Vicki opens it with another brand of paper towels. She says they’re heavier and drops the roll on Carol’s foot. Eydie comes in and sits down saying, “While I’m in your kitchen I’m cleaning my oven”. Carol throws her out and tells her, “Go clean my oven in your kitchen!” Carol goes to the fridge to get a drink and Carlton Johnson comes from behind the fridge dressed as Punchy the Hawaiian Punch mascot and punches her in the stomach. She goes to the bathroom and hears music from the toilet. It’s the Tidy Bowl guy who she flushes (this is the third time over the years she’s done that). A car comes crashing through her wall and Tim gets out saying he’s Joe Garagiola and that it’s cleanup time at your Dodge dealer. Carol punches him out.
Vicki is chained to the wall of a dungeon as the lord of the castle (played by Harvey) once again asks if she’ll marry him. She says she’d rather be attacked by a warthog. Harvey calls for the royal torturer and it’s Tim’s old man character. He shuffles into the room but is too weak to break through a bunch of cobwebs. He plans to torture her with a hot poker but gives her a count of five to say yes. He olds the hot part of the poker under his arm while he counts his fingers. By the time the poker touches her it’s cool. He tries to scare her with the royal mouse but it gets away. He attempts to hit her with a flail but after he swings it around it wraps round his neck and hits himself in the face. Harvey gives Tim one more chance. Tim prepares the iron maiden but falls inside of it himself. Harvey asks her one more time to marry him and she refuses again. Harvey starts crying and Vicki asks, “Don’t you know when a girl’s playing hard to get? Of course I’ll marry you!”
This is the end of the episode but it seems to have been shortened by the downloader because there is supposed to be a musical tribute to Richard Rodgers, which is what the cast is dressed for when they say goodnight.
The fighting plant was played by Randy Doney who was an assistant choreographer on the show. His first work in that field was for the Mitzi TV specials in 1968 and 1969. He worked on many of Carol Burnett’s TV specials. He was an assistant choreographer for Pennies From Heaven. He appeared as a background dancer in several films, Broadway Shows, and TV shows. He was assistant director for the show Lambchop on Broadway in 1994. He retired to Palm Springs where he joined the Fabulous Palm Springs Follies for which all performers had to be at least 55 years old. The troupe’s last performance was in 2013 when Doney was 73.
June 26, 1996: It was the last night of the Fat Albert's open stage before the summer break
Wednesday night was the last Fat Albert’s open stage before the summer break and so it was a bit of a party. I think the guys who had been running Fat Albert’s for the last several years were retiring and Mary Milne would be taking over as host in the fall, with someone else handling the sound. When I performed I said that I would miss them.
Thursday, 25 June 2026
Catherine Zeta Jones
I worked out the chords for the first verse and two lines of the chorus of the “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You) parody” by Serge Gainsbourg.
I weighed 89.45 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the evening since June 5.
I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune most of the time.
I left at 13:30 to ride my Raleigh downtown to the U of T School of Dentistry to get a CT scan. I thought it was going to take at least half an hour like last time. But previously the radiology student scanned all my teeth while this time it was just the area where I’d gotten the bone graft so it was over a lot quicker. An attractive doctor came in to check the student’s work, told me, “It looks good!” and I was out of there five minutes after the appointment started.
I weighed 90.05 kilos at 15:15. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.
I took a siesta and slept for an extra half an hour.
I weighed 90.45 kilos at 18:35.
I had intended to make bread pizza for supper but I wanted to have french fries on it and by the time I remembered it was too late. So instead I heated some frozen boneless chicken wings and some oven fries. I had them with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 1, episode 5 of Wednesday on Discord with my daughter Astrid.
Previously Wednesday had a vision that Eugene was in danger. He had gone into the woods without Wednesday and we saw him meet the monster. We don’t see exactly what happened but at the beginning of this episode we learn that Eugene is in a coma and Wednesday feels guilty. On top of that it’s Parents Weekend and she has to deal with her family visiting. The principal gets Morticia, Gomez, and Pugsley to attend one of Wednesday’s therapy sessions. Pugsley eats Dr. Kinbott’s potpourri. He says he misses being waterboarded by Wednesday.
The coroner has committed suicide and left a note. The sheriff finds to evidence to support his decades old suspicion that Gomez murdered Garrett Gates. We see two alternative flashbacks to the death of Gates. Garrett was obsessed with Morticia and tried to kill Gomez. He either accidentally thrust himself onto Gomez’s sword or a sword that Morticia was holding. The sheriff arrests Gomez. Wednesday digs up Garrett’s grave and discovers that he tried to kill everyone at Nevermore with deadly nightshade. He accidentally poisoned himself and was feeling the effects when he attacked Gomez. But Wednesday and Morticia get arrested for grave digging. Wednesday presents the evidence she discovered and Gomez is freed.
Wednesday confronts the principal because she has figured out that she is the shape shifter and that Rowan was killed by the monster the night he tried to kill Wednesday.
Morticia tells Wednesday that she will need help from the undead to help hone her powers.
We meet the parents of two of the main characters as well.
Enid’s mother is disappointed in Enid because she has not yet turned into a werewolf.
Bianca’s wants her to return home so they can use their Siren powers in criminal activities.
Morticia is played by Catherine Zeta-Jones, who at the age of 10 co-starred in Annie in the West End. At 15 starred in the British revival of 42nd Street. She made her film debut in 1001 Nights in 1990. In 1991 she co-starred in the British sitcom The Darling Buds of May, which made her a star in Britain. She co-starred in Splitting Heirs, and Blue Juice. By the mid 90s she was becoming too much of a sex symbol in Britain and so she decided to start over by mobbing to Hollywood. She co-starred in The Phantom, The Mask of Zorro, Entrapment, The Terminal, Side Effects, Red 2, Dad’s Army, The Haunting, Traffic, America’s Sweethearts, Chicago (for which she won an Oscar), Sinbad, The Terminal, Ocean’s Twelve, Death Defying Acts, Intolerable Cruelty, Lay the Favourite, Rock of Ages, Playing for Keeps, The Legend of Zorro, The Gallerist, She starred in No Reservations, The Rebound, She starred in the TV series Queen America, National Treasure, She earned $20 million as a spokesperson for T-Mobile. She also became a spokesperson for Elizabeth Arden. She won a Tony Award in 2010 for her performance in A Little Night Music. She was appointed as a Commander of the Order of the British Empire by Queen Elizabeth in 2010. She married the 25 years older Michael Douglas in 2000. She has bipolar disorder. She says the key to a successful marriage is each spouse having their own bathroom.
Tony Terran
On Tuesday I posted “The Eel”, my translation of “L'anguille” by Boris Vian on my Boris Vian Facebook page and my personal Facebook page. I looked for the next available Vian song to translate and searched for audio of his songs “Les donneurs”; “Reglèment de comptes”;
“Chanson de Judith”; “Ah papa chéri”; “Chanson sur la solitude”; “L'enfance de bonnot”; “Epilogue”; and “Chanson du marchand d'oublies” but there’s nothing of those available online. The next song I’ll learn then is his “La complainte de Bonnot”.
I translated the last verse of the “Que je t’aime” (That I Love You) parody” by Serge Gainsbourg. I worked out the chords for the intro and about half of the first verse.
I weighed 89.65 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since June 9.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it stayed in tune about half the time.
Around midday, with the “crazy in love” pink hue I painted the outside half of the third floral relief on my future bathroom mirror frame and some of the fourth. I’ll try to get a little more done on Friday.
I weighed 91 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.
I weighed 90.2 kilos at 18:10.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal but was still behind at suppertime.
I had a potato with gravy and my last slice of roast pork while watching season 9, episode 12 of The Carol Burnett Show.
During the audience warmup an apparent regular, an elderly woman named Mrs. Miller complains she couldn’t get a front seat. A woman named Roxanne in the third row offers to switch with her.
Someone asks Carol if she thinks she’s making more money on TV than she could in the profession that her character had in the movie Front Page. She played a sex worker in Front Page but Carol doesn’t answer the question.
Someone asks Carol if she knows how to Hustle. She simple nods.
A boy asks to see Carol’s hip go out of joint so she invites him onstage to feel it. It turns out he’s Ruth Pointer’s son.
They parody several of the year’s TV commercials.
Carol plays a housewife standing over the dishes in the sink. Harvey walks in with a microphone and a container of Jay dish detergent. He asks how after 26 years as a housewife she’s managed to keep her hands so soft. She says she owes in all to Jay. He looks at the camera and says, “Yes Jay! The household detergent that’s milder than mild!” She says, “No, not that Jay”. Then she calls for Jay and he comes out (played by Tim) to do the dishes.
Vicki is working in her garden. She says, “Who would think I had a headache last night? Thanks to Bufferson, the pain reliever that works while you sleep, I feel terrific!” Harvey comes and takes her in his arms, suggesting they take a walk in the woods. She says, “Not now I have a headache!”
Carol is sitting at a table where there is a big stuffed turkey and several other prepared food items filling the table. She says “In order to get your daily requirement of vitamins you would have to eat all of the food on this table. Or you could take One A Way Vitamins. One A Way has all your daily requirements in just one pill”. She shows the pill and it’s almost as big as the table.
Tim is outside in the snow. He says, “You may find this hard to believe but I’m going to start six cars with dead batteries with just one Dear’s Sigh Hard battery (a play on Sears Die Hard batteries). He electrocutes himself.
Tim plays Hitler sitting in a restaurant in full uniform. He says he used to be a big deal in Europe but now not everybody recognizes him. That’s why he carries an American Depressed credit card. “It’s all the identification I need!” The waiter still asks for more ID.
Tim does the battery commercial again. This time the cars start up and take off with the battery.
The Pointer Sisters sing the 1947 song “Save the Bones for Henry Jones” by Daniel Barker, Michael H. Goldsen, and Henry McCoy Jones.
At a political dinner Tim stands at the podium and introduces his running mate for office of Counselman of Alban County, John Dean Hartman (played by Harvey). John begins a speech but Tim starts loudly eating potato chips. John gets him to stop. Tim begins to crack nuts. He eats one and begins to choke. He eats some chocolate and gets it all over his face causing everyone to laugh. At first John thinks they are laughing at a joke he made. Tim gets a bloody Mary with a celery stock in it and begins to crunch the celery. John takes it away from him. Tim smokes a cigar and has a coughing fit. John finishes his speech and wants to swing the microphone over to Tim so he can speak but it knocks Tim out the window.
Carol as Harriet and Vicki as Felicia are in a fancy restaurant. Harriet is someone who nobody ever notices. She calls to the waiters but they ignore her while Felicia can get their attention with no effort. Even Felicia pays little mind to Harriet. They both order the shrimp cocktail but only Felicia gets hers and doesn’t remember Harriet ordering one. Even when she trips and falls across the bus boy’s cart he doesn’t notice her and piles dirty plates on her back.
They do a soulful version of Cinderella with Carol as the titular character. Vicki plays the jive talking stepmother and The Pointer Sisters play Cindy’s step sisters. The scene opens with Vicki and her daughters singing about how life is a super gig when you got soul. Vicki impressively holds her own as a singer while jamming with the Pointer Sisters. Cinderella stands apart from the others because she’s a square. They nag her to help them get ready for the big rock concert that night. They turn their demands and judgements of Cinderella into a funky song. They leave for the concert and Cinderella is alone. She sings a very non-funky song about wishing she was a foxy superchick. As a result of her wishing her fairy godmother appears (played by Harvey in his big, buxom Jewish mother character). Cindy says, “You’re my Fairy Godmother?” “You were expecting maybe Tinklebell?” She says, “What miracles I’ve wrought today! I got a doctor to make a house call and I saved New York City from bankrupture”. Cindy asks her to make her into a hip chick. The fairy sings about how anything can be anything that it’s not if you wish it. She puts her in an outfit like Cher might wear, but with long red hair. She warns her that she must leave the dance by 12:00. “Midnight?” The Fairy says no. Parties don’t even start until midnight. You must leave by noon. At the concert Elfin John (played by Tim) is introduced. He’s physically meant to look like Elton John but he speaks in a sort of southern US accent. Cinderella arrives and everyone is awestruck by her. Her stepsisters sing about her being a chick who knows what’s goin down. She lies that she has a new dance called The Schlump. Everybody wants to see it but Cindy says she needs her choreographer. So her Fairy Godmother appears and just tells her to follow her lead as she sings, “Foist ya shake your tuchus, do a little pump, do a little robot, make a little bump. Tuchus, pump, robot, bump. That’s the way ya do it when you’re doin the Schlump”. So everybody does it. As the clock strikes noon Cindy has to leave but gives Elvin her glittery silver platform shoe. The next day Vicki and the Pointer step sisters are soaking their feet as Cindy is serving them. Elvin is looking for the hot chick and trying the shoe on everyone. His last stop is their house. Of course the shoe fits Cindy but Elvin rejects her because she’s such a square. So her Fairy Godmother appears and turns Elvin into a square too.
The trumpet player for The Carol Burnett Shiow was Tony Terran, who started playing trumpet on the radio when he was still in high school. He started playing for the Desi Arnaz Orchestra in 1946. He was a member of the famous band of session musicians known as The Wrecking Crew. He performed and recorded with Sonny and Cher, The Mamas and Papas, The Monkees, Eric Burdon, Ricky Nelson, Glen Campbell, The Beach Boys, The Beatles, The Bee Gees, Ray Charles, Chicago, Nat King Cole, Perry Como, Bob Dylan, Ella Fitzgerald, Benny Goodman, Bob Hope, Michael Jackson, Eartha Kitt, Peggy Lee, Madonna, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley, Bonnie Raitt, Linda Tonstadt, Diana Ross, Frank Sinatra, Barbara Streisand, Herb Alpert, and Tom Waits. He played in the soundtracks for I Love Lucy, The Lucy Show, Here’s Lucy, The Brady Bunch, I Dream of Jeannie, Get Smart, Happy Days, Popeye, Star Trek, Mission Impossible, Cheers, LA Law, The Simpsons, Rocky I, II, II, Karate Kid I, II, III, The Natural, All the President’s Men, Broadcast News, Field of Dreams, Blazing Saddles, Grease, An Officer and a Gentleman, Ghostbusters, Close Encounters, and The Deep.
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