Foster H. Phinney

            On Sunday morning I memorized the first verse of "Vieille Canaille" (Old Rascal) by Serge Gainsbourg and made some adjustments to my translation. 

            I weighed 86.3 kilos before breakfast, which is the heaviest I've been in the morning in 42 days.

            I worked on getting caught up on my journal because I fell behind on my birthday while writing about the very complicated story of the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once. 

            I weighed 86.8 kilos before lunch. That's the most I've weighed at that time this year and it's 1.1 kilos heavier than I was at that time last year. I had a toasted Montreal style bagel with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of limeade. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back.

            I weighed 86 kilos at 17:00, which is the heaviest I've been at that time in three weeks. 

            I was finally caught up on my journal at 18:23. 

            I researched the last ten years of the poetry catalogue of Ekstasis Editions to see if they publish any poets who do anything like what I do. Among the many academic poets they publish there is "The Homeless Memorial" by John La Greca. It's very different from my work in style but somewhat similar in the spirit of how it connects with the streets. There's a little bit of "The Big Thirst" by Jim Christy which has some grit to it. I might mention them in my cover letter. 

            I made pizza on Greek flatbread with Basilica sauce, a sliced hot Italian sausage and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a beer while watching season 9, episodes 10 and 11 of The Beverly Hillbillies. These stories fall under the same boring arc of Granny's aquaphobia. 

            In the first story Granny has sent for Shorty to come back to Beverly Hills from the hills of Tennessee. For some reason she thinks he can help her stop Mark from marrying Elly. Granny tells Mark that Elly has been promised to Shorty since she was twelve years old. But Elly makes it clear that's not the case. Granny still believes Mark is half frog and she also thinks Mark's idea of farming the ocean is against nature. Drysdale is also against it because Jed wants to spend half of his $95 million to invest in it. But Drysdale pretends he's all for it and that it is Jane that opposes it when the opposite is the case. He has two guards put Jane in a straight jacket and tape her mouth, then he shows her to Jed, saying that the idea of him investing in ocean farming drove her crazy. Jed tears up the cheque to stop what he thinks is causing Jane mental anguish. Shorty goes to the pool dressing room. Granny comes looking for Shorty and sees Elly's pet seal for the first time. She thinks Shorty has been turned into a seal. 

            In the second story Granny still thinks Shorty has been turned into a seal. She can't take him to Dr. Klingner for a cure because the psychiatrist is out of town. She's got the seal in the kitchen and is preparing to feed him a hot meal. Mark tells her she can't do that. Granny tells Mark she's going for her shotgun and so he'd better turn Shorty human again. Mark finds Shorty and brings him into the kitchen so Granny will think he's changed back. Jed goes back to the bank to get the money for Mark. Jane is out of the straight jacket and she goes to tell Drysdale about the money. He tells her he's a changed man and he had an epiphany. He gives her a $100 bonus cheque. Jane is thrilled about Drysdale's transformation. Both Jane and the other secretary Elizabeth Gordon are moved to tears. Drysdale gives Jane the rest of the day off. After Jane leaves Drysdale tells Elizabeth he has two jobs for her. First, stop payment on Jane's cheque, second, put on the nurse's uniform that's waiting for her in the bathroom. When Jed arrives Elizabeth is dressed as a nurse and Drysdale is dressed as Napoleon. He tells Jed he needs his money so his troops won't starve in Russia. Meanwhile Granny wants to go back to the hills because she thinks the family has gone insane. Jethro begs her not to leave so he doesn't have to eat Elly's cooking. Suddenly Granny gets the idea that all she has to do to break up Elly and Mark is to let Mark eat Elly's cooking. Elly cooks a giant meatball the size of a basketball but Jed catches it and forces Granny to cook an edible replacement. Shorty brings Elizabeth to the mansion and she gives Jed back his cheque for $48 million. She goes swimming with Shorty and she's wearing a backless swimming suit. Granny goes looking for them but finds two seals in the pool so of course she thinks Shorty and Elizabeth have been turned into seals. 

            The assistant director for these episodes was Foster H. Phinney, whose suave good looks led to him starting out as a dress extra and a stand in for lead actors. He became the regular stand-in for Kirk Douglas who considered him his good luck charm and got him small parts in all his films. He also helped him get the job of assistant director. He was assistant director for the movie Spartacus and many other films and TV series.