J. Pat O'Malley

            On Wednesday morning I worked out the chords to the first two verses, the chorus and the first instrumental of "Adieu Bijou" by Serge Gainsbourg. There's a good chance I'll have the song finished by tomorrow. 

            I weighed 84.8 kilos before breakfast. 

            I was hoping to ride downtown in the late morning to see if I could have the withdrawal limit removed from my bank account. I don't understand why anybody would want a limit on withdrawals or why any bank would impose them. I suppose the bank is trying to protect my money in case somebody gets hold of my card and pin number but that hasn't happened in the forty years I've had my account so I don't think I need a financial nursemaid now. 

            I weighed 85.2 kilos before lunch. I had saltines with five-year-old cheddar and a glass of limeade with orange juice. 

            In the afternoon the rain let up and so I started out for a bike ride downtown. But it started raining again almost immediately. I kept on going as far as Long and McQuade at Bloor and Ossington because I wanted to get something accomplished. I went in and looked at XLR microphone cables. I asked a sales guy if it makes a difference in volume whether I'm using a mic cable with a jack or an XLR plug. He said it didn't make any difference but he thought I was talking about output. When I told him it was for recording with an interface he said that an XLR would improve the volume, so I bought a 7.6 meter XLR microphone cable. It had stopped raining when I left the store and so I thought I still had time to go downtown but as I unlocked my bike it started again, so I went back inside to buy another guitar wall hook to hang my Kramer with after it's fixed. When I left again it was raining fairly hard and so I rode home. My ass was wet when I got back. 

            I weighed 84.9 kilos at 17:00. 

            I was caught up on my journal at 18:20. 

            In Movie Maker I synchronized the audio and the video of part B of my June 11, 2022 song practice. I created a separate project just for that section in case there are any songs other than "Kenya" that I might want to upload to YouTube. Tomorrow I'll isolate "Kenya", render it as a movie and I might have time to upload it to YouTube. 

            I searched for video of psychiatric patients walking slowly but couldn't find anything. I changed my search to lobotomy patients walking and did find some old footage but the person is walking with their arms out and it looks weird. I might still use that if I can't find anything else. I'll see what I can find in old zombie movies or maybe videos of somnambulism. 

            I made two burger patties from a pack of lean ground beef and grilled them in the oven. I had one on toasted seven grain bread with Dijon, chili sauce, dill pickle, and horseradish. I had it with a beer while watching season 7, episodes 14 and 15 of The Beverly Hillbillies. 

            It's Christmas morning and Santa has brought Jethro everything on his list: a side of beef, ham hocks, smoked turkey, goat cheese, and his stocking is full of sausages. Meanwhile Mr. Drysdale has to share a bed with Elly's bear Fairchild, who won't let him out of his sight. 

            In Hooterville Jed has given Sam Drucker a new and bigger metal chest for a bank vault, about the size of a tool box. Jed talks to Drysdale on the phone and when he tells him about the new bank he faints. Drysdale is worried Jed will take his money from the Commerce Bank and put it in the Hooterville Bank. While unconscious Drysdale dreams that Sam Drucker is now president of the Commerce Bank and he's going to let all the angry employees whip Drysdale. 

            At the Shady Rest Hotel Steve Elliot sings a romantic song for Granny about living one day at a time. It seems out of place at Christmas. 

            Drysdale borrows the truck to drive to Hooterville to keep Jed from putting all his money in Sam's bank. But why wouldn't he drive one of his own cars? He has a limo and a chauffeur but that is not mentioned. He must have driven his own car to work. Jethro insists that he take Fairchild with him. They disguise the bear as a hippy so he won't look conspicuous. 

            Eb asks Sam to put in a good word for him to Elly about them getting married. Sam tells Elly that as justice of the peace he can marry her if she decides she wants to. Granny overhears the "marry you" part and thinks Sam likes them young. So she lets Billie Jo and Bobbie Jo give her a makeover. But Granny goes overboard and comes downstairs dressed as a little girl from the 19th Century. Both Sam and Uncle Jo run away. 

            The episode ends with everyone riding the Cannonball which is all decked out on the outside with Christmas lights while the passengers drink eggnog and sing Christmas carols. Sam cuts himself off from another glass because he thinks he just saw a bear driving a truck. 

            In the second story the Clampetts return to Beverly Hills to find Mr. Drysdale and Fairchild missing. Jethro says Drysdale went to Hooterville but since he didn't show up there he obviously got lost. 

            Meanwhile a disheveled Drysdale is sleeping by the side of the road with Fairchild also asleep beside him. The sheriff pulls up. He finds several jugs of Granny's moonshine on the truck, which Drysdale has been using for fuel but also Fairchild has been drinking. The cop arrests Drysdale for vagrancy, moonshining, and contributing to the delinquency of a bear. The cop tries to contact the Commerce Bank to confirm Drysdale's identity but the person at the other end keeps laughing and saying he's never heard of him. When Jane gets to the bank she finds the employees celebrating that Drysdale is in jail. Mr. Cratchit tells her he's in a town called Ripley but refuses to say where it is. The Clampetts call Sam Drucker and he knows Ripley. He says he'll go there and try to put in a good word to the judge. But the judge hates big city bankers ever since his wife ran off with one. But as soon as Drysdale meets Drucker he sees him as a rival for Jed's money and thinks this whole fiasco is part of a conspiracy that Sam is behind. He refuses any help from Sam and kicks him out of his cell. The Clampetts and Jane learn that Drysdale goes on trial in the morning and so they drive all night to get to Ripley. 

            In the courtroom the judge gives Drysdale sixty days longer in jail just for being a Beverly Hills banker. The sheriff comes in with Fairchild and says he just chased the judge's wife up a tree. Now the judge wants to buy the bear. Then the Clampetts come in. The judge wants to get this over with so he can return to bass fishing. Jed tells him he can catch big bass with his spinner and some pork rind. The judge invites him fishing. Then the judge hears from Granny that she made the Tennessee tranquilizer that Drysdale was caught with and he invites her up river too. The judge sentences Drysdale to cut bait on their fishing trip. 

            The judge was played by J. Pat O'Malley, who started his career in English music halls. He sang with Jack Hylton's orchestra and recorded over 400 songs, including "Amy, Wonderful Amy". He moved to the US at the beginning of WWII and performed on Broadway in the 40s and 50s. He became a familiar face on television and was typecast as uncles and grandfathers. He played Judge Caleb Marsh on Black Saddle and Mr. Burns on My Favourite Martian. He co-starred in the short-lived sitcoms Wendy and Me, and A Touch of Grace. He was Dick Van Dyke's dialect coach for his role in Mary Poppins.