Thirty years ago today
On Monday I worked at Central Technical School all day, then I went to Angeline’s place. We talked and took a walk, then went to Crickets early for the final night of their open stage. I performed before Angeline and I did “Instructions for Electroshock Therapy”:
Plug the female end of the cord into the place where it’s meant to go
Plug the male end into any old available electric hole
Now flick the switch the light is green
We just wait while we warm up the machine
We’re wearing white and we’re feeling clean
for shock therapy
We’ll strap their legs and their arms
for shock therapy
They can’t do any harm without their memory
Shock therapy
And if you think someone’s insane
why don’t you drive some lightning through their brain?
They won’t remember who to blame
for shock therapy
Undress the patient and then lay them down just like a sacrifice
To avoid any bruises let no metal touch the skin that’s my advice
Now take a razor to shave the hair
around the temples and rub electrode-jelly there
Put some on the electrodes we’ll be soon prepared
for shock therapy
Under fluorescent glow
Shock therapy
You know their flesh looks so cold under that phantom gleam
for shock therapy
We dance some sparks through twisted wires
and randomly black out the stars
Best of all it doesn’t leave any scars
Shock therapy
Insert and fasten the mouthpiece so the patient won’t bite their tongue
Slip a pillow underneath the back to reduce the spinal motion
Now turn the shock-power switch on
and rotate the dial to choose the voltage you want
and serve another cold meal in the restaurant
of shock therapy
Let’s fry some frontal lobes
with shock therapy
Add some gelled electrodes to the recipe
of shock therapy
But the best way it will work
is with a tight rubber belt to hold those spastic jerks
Let’s burn up the temples and raise the church
of shock therapy
Keep in mind that every patient has a different convulsive threshold
so start at three-tenths of a second at ten or twenty volts
But the voltage on the screen
is not the voltage in the human being
so let’s meditate upon the golden mean
of shock therapy
Multiply the patient’s current by the machine’s resistance
then subtract from the meter voltage is all of this making sense?
Now push the start-shock button on
and keep your finger there until the shock is done
secure the jaw and force the shoulders down
for shock therapy
We’re looking for the threshold
in shock therapy
but if a convulsion has not been reached
with shock therapy
either the threshold has not been found
or a delayed attack is coming around
in ten to twenty seconds on the killing ground
of shock therapy
If unconsciousness follows the charge a delayed attack will come
but if you’re edging for a grande mal seizure just raise the voltage some
Two-hundred and fifty volts
at point-one seconds brings a hell of a jolt
so it helps us to remember it’s the patient’s fault
in shock therapy
To push a grande mal seizure
shock therapy
you know it couldn’t be easier
reach it right away
Shock therapy
Just two-hundred volts
at point-fifteen seconds makes them shake like Jell-O
though for the rest of their lives they might be walking slow
from shock therapy
For details on injections of amytal and other drugs
just in case you want to reduce the violence of these convulsions
refer to current literature
Let’s open our books to page thirty-four
as we all join together now to sing a prayer
to shock therapy
Angeline told me later that everybody jumped when I shouted the last line.
Mary Milne drove us back to Angeline’s and she came in for coffee. I spent the night and Angeline and I made love.
No comments:
Post a Comment