Shirley Jones

            On Monday morning I worked out the chords for the instrumental intro to “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. Tomorrow I’ll start on the verses but there’s only one recording and it only uses some of the lyrics so I’ll have to fill in the blanks a lot and apply the melody to the unused parts. 

            I continued to search for images for my photo-video of “Les millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg. I have 244 now and there’s a good chance I’ll be finished tomorrow, as there are only two lines left.

            I weighed 87.55 kilos before breakfast. When I’m just eating fruit or salads my weight really drops overnight and climbs up high in the evening. I assume it’s mostly water weight. 

            I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice for the last of two sessions and it stayed in tune more than half the time. Tomorrow I begin a two session stretch of playing my Kramer. 

            I was behind on my journal and so before lunch I worked toward getting caught up. 

            I weighed 88.45 kilos before lunch, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since last Monday. 

            I took a siesta at the usual time of 14:30 and planned to sleep for my habitual 90 minutes but I didn’t wake up until 16:30. By the time I was ready for a bike ride it was too late to go downtown and so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor. On the way home I stopped at Freshco where I bought seven bags of grapes, a broccoli crown, a bunch of asparagus, and a bag of frozen broad beans. I did a price match on the grapes with the Walmart price of $6.55 a kilo. As I was leaving I remembered to buy coffee because on Wednesday I’ll be back to drinking it again. I went back in and got a pack of Full City Dark. It feels like years since I’ve purchased coffee even though it’s only been a month but the price is now $5 more than before. 

            I weighed 87.8 kilos at 18:30. 

            I worked on getting caught up in my journal but didn’t get there until after supper. 

            I had a lettuce, cucumber, scallion, mushroom, tomato, and avocado salad with pomegranate zaatar dressing while watching season 1, episode 18 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            The first skit is a VIP interview with Charles De Gaulle (played by Harvey Korman). He gives a thumbs down to the US. He says one of the only Middle North Americans he admires is Benedict Arnold. VIP says twice the US has liberated France from dictators. De Gaulle says, “You better not try it again!” “You think you’re god?” “No I am probably much taller”. “Do you have any plans to visit the US? “Maybe in a year or so I’ll walk over”. “What will happen to France after you’re gone?” “I have made arrangements for France to be buried with me”. “What are your plans for the future?” “I would first like to retire to a small farm, and then I would like to rule the world”. “There are people who compare you with Adolph Hitler”. “Thank you”. 

            Shirley Jones sings “When Did I Fall in Love?” by Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick from the musical Fiorello. 

            In the second skit Carol and Harvey play a married couple. Jeffrey is too busy to spend any time with her and so Marsha threatens to leave him. He says he works so hard so she can have beautiful things but she can’t have those and him. She says, “I want a husband!” He says, “I’ll buy you one”. He says it wasn’t his idea to spend $200 on a cut glass vase. She says, “I’ll show you what the vase means to me” then she smashes it. This sets off a competition to see who can give up the most. He throws his alligator shoes out the window. She throws her Tiffany coffee table out. He tosses his gun collection. She flings out the carpet. He heaves his watch and his wallet. She throws out the expensive paintings. She throws their maid out the window. He strips to his underwear and throws over his suit and she does the same with her dress. They keep tossing stuff until a cop arrives to arrest them both. Marsha is happy because now they are finally going someplace together. 

            The next skit is a parody of commercials. Carol plays the miserable Millie who has several afflictions. The cheerful Ethel played by Shirley Jones arrives. Millie says she has acid indigestion, cactus hands, and tired blood. Ethel pulls a bottle of something from her bag that fixes all of those problems. But Millie is still irritable, depressed, with dandruff and her grey hair is giving her a headache. Ethel gives her a can of martinis. Millie’s coffee makes her gag but Ethel has an alternative. Millie is still upset because this morning her living bra died when it starved to death. Ethel gives her another. Millie says, “I don’t know what I’d do without you and your magic purse”. Ethel says, “You may have to. Today I got arrested for shoplifting”. 

            In the next skit a famous actor played by Harvey is in the hospital with an acute case of nervous exhaustion. He shares a room with a man covered in bandages, who is also in traction and clearly in pain. A nurse comes in (played by Carol) who recognizes Harvey’s character and begins fawning all over him because he’s her favourite movie star. He’s trying to rest and just wants her to go away. He can’t take it anymore and gets up to put his clothes on. She struggles with him to stop him and he falls partway out the window. She’s grabbed him and is the only one keeping him from falling. The nurse tells the man in bandages to call for help. He takes off his face bandage and it’s Lyle Wagonner. Carol sees him and drops Harvey. 

            Then George Chakiris does a traditional Greek bouzouki dance. 

            In Carol’s biographical sketch she and her sister Chrissie are preparing to go out to a movie while Roger’s elderly secretary Mrs. Henshaw is going to come over and help him with some important office work. But just as they are leaving the doorbell rings and it’s Henshaw’s young, attractive, and mini-skirted assistant Dottie. Carol decides to stay home and supervise. But her having over their shoulders and interrupting gets on Roger’s nerves and they begin to argue. Dottie doesn’t want them to fight because of her and says she’d better leave. Now Carol feels ashamed, apologizes and tells Dottie she should stay but Dottie insists. On her way out she puts her arms around Roger and gives him a big kiss on the mouth before Carol chases her out. 

            In the final piece Carol’s character The Charwoman is the cleaning lady for a rich woman who goes out, leaving her to clean the apartment. She begins trying on her expensive things like her tiara. She sings “If My Friends Could See Me Now” and “Baby Dream Your Dream” by Cy Coleman and Dorothy Fields from the musical Sweet Charity. She sings the second song in a duet with a dressed up version of herself in a double exposure video. 

            Shirley Jones started singing at 6 and began formal training at 12. She made her TV and acting debut on Fireside Theatre in 1950. She won the 1952 Miss Pittsburgh contest (earning a scholarship to drama school) and was the first runner up in the Miss Pennsylvania pageant. At 20 she became the first and only actor to be signed to a personal contract by Rogers and Hammerstein. She made her Broadway debut in South Pacific in 1954. She made her film debut in Oklahoma in 1955. She co-starred in Carousel, April Love, Never Steal Anything Small, Two Rode Together, Elmer Gantry (winning the Best Supporting Actress Oscar), The Music Man, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, Bedtime Story, Fluffy, The Secret of My Success, The Cheyenne Social Club, Tank, Raising Genius, Grandma’s Boy, Family Weekend, and Zombie Night. She starred in Bobbikins, A Ticklish Affair, Dark Purpose, In 1956 she married Jack Cassidy and became the stepmother of future teen idol David Cassidy, who was then 6 years old. In 1958 she gave birth to future teen heartthrob Shaun Cassidy. She is best remembered for starring in the sitcom The Partridge Family for the four years it ran. She and David Cassidy were the only members of the fictional Partridge Family band whose voices were recorded for the songs. She says The Partridge Family killed her film career but had no regrets. Her own comedy series Shirley only lasted one season. In 1977 she married Marty Ingles. They wrote a book together in 1990 called Shirley and Marty: an Unlikely Romance. She also wrote Shirley Jones: a Memoir.