Florenz Ziegfeld

            On Saturday morning there were slightly fewer bedbugs, I guess because I didn’t steam the baseboards last night and so they weren’t forced out of hiding. 

            I worked out the chords for the first two lines of the chorus of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian. There are still four lines to go. 

            I uploaded “Ça” (That), the parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)” to my Christian’s Translations blog and began preparing it for publication. I should have that done tomorrow. 

            I weighed 89.5 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the first of two sessions and as usual it was always out of tune. 

            Around midday I rode down to No Frills where I bought 7 bags of cherries, a pack of Canadian strawberries, some bananas, a pack of five-year-old cheddar, a strawberry rhubarb pie, dental floss, peppercorns, a jug of lemonade, a jug of orange juice, and a bag of frozen potato wedges. I did a price match on the cherries to Freshco’s price but Freshco changed the price on the flyer. Five minutes earlier I looked at the flyer and it said $4.34 a kilo but when I showed the cashier it read as $5.49 a kilo. That was still cheaper than No Frills but I’d never seen it change like that before. 

            I weighed 89.7 kilos at 14:35. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade. 

            I took a siesta at 15:06 and slept until 16:47. By the time I’d brushed my teeth it was too late for a bike ride. 

            I weighed 89.8 kilos at 17:20. 

            I worked on getting caught up in my journal. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with rosée tomato sauce, tomato pesto, wedge fries, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 10, episode 12 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone says she comes to Hollywood on vacation to see the stars but wants to know where Carol goes. Carol says she does the same thing but she was raised a block away from Hollywood Boulevard and one never sees the stars there. Someone comments that you see them at the unemployment office. 

            A man asks what Carol does with all her old clothes and she asks if he’s asking for himself. He nods. She says she repeats a lot of clothes but with slight changes like for instance a different jacket. He says he’ll take it second hand. She says, “You don’t look like the type”. 

            Someone asks Carol if she has a middle name. She says it’s her mother’s maiden name: Creighton. 

            Someone asks how one becomes one of Burnett’s Bums. She says, “You’ve seen the jacket? You have to be in the crew… or a few other things.” Apparently in 1978 they gave special jackets for the crew with Burnett’s Bums written on the back. 

            The first sketch is a Mama’s family story. Mama’s sister May has died and Mama, Eunice, and Ed are in the attic going through her stuff. Ed wants to get to the bowling alley before they run out of his shoe size. Mama finds a family picture showing everyone including Eunice and her sister Ellen. Mama comments on how cute Ellen was and Eunice is jealous. Ellen calls from downstairs but Eunice was not informed she was coming. Mama urges Eunice to try to get along with her sister. Ellen arrives (played again by Betty White). She asks Ed how the plumbing business is going. He reminds her he’s in hardware but she says whenever she sees him she always thinks of septic tanks. Eunice finds a picture she drew of her pet rabbit Fluffy and she reminisces about how much she loved it. Mama tells her she didn’t take care of him, his cage was a disgrace and one could smell it all over the neighbourhood. Eunice recounts how she came home from school one day and Fluffy was gone. Ellen finds an old Andrews Sisters record and Eunice reminisces about how they used to pretend to be the Andrews Sisters singing the 1938 song “Hold Tight (Want Some Seafood Mama?)” by Leonard Ware and Sidney Bechet. Mama finds a lamp and passes it to Eunice. Then Ellen grabs it because she recognizes it as a Tiffany lamp. Mama says she can have it but now Eunice is upset. Ellen says to let Mama decide. Mama says she gave it to Ellen and that’s the way May would have wanted it. Mama hands Eunice a crappy desk lamp and says, “Now you’re even”. Ed says he can fix it and there are a few other things like a scale and a fan that he can fix and sell at his hardware store. Mama says if he does they can split the profits. Ed doesn’t like that deal. Eunice says Ed couldn’t get 25 cents for them in his store and can barely sell the new stuff he has. Ellen finds a box of china she decides to take as well for her bridge club parties. Eunice tells her, “You’ve got a closet full of china while I don’t have one dish without a crack”. Ellen asks Eunice who she entertains in the cracker box she lives in. Eunice says, “Lay off our house! We know we live in a dump!” Ellen tells Eunice that the day her rabbit disappeared it wasn’t fried chicken they had for supper. Ed threatens to punch Ellen while Eunice shouts “Murderer!” at Mama. Ellen says she has to leave but Eunice grabs the Tiffany lamp from her and smashes it. Then she deliberately sits on the china and breaks the set. Ellen tells Eunice they’re gonna put her away one day and she’ll be more than happy to sign the papers. Ellen leaves and Eunice is now determined to go through everything with a fine toothed comb to find something to keep. When Mama protests, Eunice says, “Shut up rabbit killer!” 

            The second sketch location is a class of 1932 reunion at Waxahatchie University. The long table is set with name cards and the dining room is empty until Carol arrives as an elderly woman with bad eyesight. She finds her place at one end of the table and sits down. Another elderly woman (played by Betty) walks in and recognizes Carol as Leticia. Leticia recognizes the voice and it’s Fanny. Fanny’s seat is at the opposite end and she is hard of hearing. When they realize they are the only ones who showed up they decide to sit together. They take off their coats to show they are wearing their cheerleaders uniforms. They’ve also brought their pom-poms and they so a cheer. They sing the 1975 song “Ready to Begin Again (Manya’s Song) by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller. 

            Carol and Tim are sitting at a bar but are not together. She asks for his help because she found out that she has a counterfeit $20 and doesn’t know what to do. He says she could turn it into the police but they won’t give her another $20 in exchange and so she’ll lose $20. He advises her to just pass it on to someone else. He orders another drink for Carol and gives the bartender (played by Harvey) the $20. But before he can make change a cop comes in and sits at the bar. Tim quickly takes the $20 back from Harvey and pays for Carol’s drink with change. He tells Carol to take the $20 but she says she doesn’t want it. The cop asks what’s going on and Tim says he was trying to give the lady $20. The cop misunderstands and says we have laws against that and so he’ll have to arrest her. Tim says he was giving her the $20 because he owed it to her. Carol says she gave him the $20 to get four $5s. The cop asks Tim if that’s true and he’s on the spot so he gives Carol the four $5s. The cop leaves and Tim asks for his $5s back but she says no. She reminds him that he told her to pass the fake $20 on to somebody. While they are arguing Harvey comes and asks what’s wrong. Tim says she gave him a $20 for four $5s. Harvey asks what’s wrong with the $20. He recognizes the $20 that Tim at first gave him and picks it up. He sees that it’s counterfeit and asks to see the four $5s he gave Carol. She shows them to Harvey and he says they’re phony as well. Tim gives him another $37 to square things and Harvey tells him to get out. He leaves and then we see that Harvey and Carol and the cop are partners and they’ve been pulling this scam all day long. They all sit down to count their take. 

            Carol says that every year from 1907 through 1931 Florenz Ziegfeld produced a new Ziegfeld Follies featuring stars like The Dolly Sisters, Fanny Brice, Will Rogers, W.C. Fields, and the Ziegfeld Girls. Tonight they do several sketches based on the Ziegfeld Follies. 

            Harvey plays the master of ceremonies in a white top hat with tails. He sings “One beautiful lady is like one beautiful tune” and as another lady descends the staircase he sings “Two beautiful ladies are like two beautiful tunes” and as each lady arrives the count increases until he sings, “If you’ve seen one beautiful lady you’ve seen them all”. 

            Betty plays a French singer in a corset and feathers named Zizi (probably after Zizi Jeanmaire). She sings in a French accent about how other women are fake but not Zizi. She says everything about Zizi belongs to her but her heart belongs to you. 

            Tim plays a well dressed but dishevelled drunk staggering on the street until he sees a mailbox and tries to mail a letter. He fumbles with it as only he can and finally puts the envelope in the mailbox but then realizes he forgot to add the stamp. he takes off his shoe and sticks it in the mailbox and since there’s gum on the sole he is able to catch the envelope and retrieve it. Then he puts on the stamp and returns it to the mailbox but knocks the bottom out of the mailbox and all the letters fall out. However he doesn’t notice as he staggers away. 

            Vicki does a Fanny Brice imitation in a bird costume. She sings about being a swallow and does a deliberately bad tap dance. In the end she lays a big egg. 

            Carol is the feature singer and sings, about taking a ride on the Moon while she’s being swung above the stage on a crescent moon and hanging on for dear life. But she falls off and when all the singers turn to show her on the moon she’s on the floor. 

            Florenz Ziegfeld managed bodybuilder Eugen Sandow as The Great Sandow at the World’s Columbian Exposition in Chicago in 1893. In 1896 he turned to theatrical management and made a star out of French singer Anna Held by promoting her in North America and featuring her in Broadway shows such as A Parisian Model. . He started the Ziegfeld Follies n New York in 1907, modelling them after Les Folies Bergere in Paris but made them less risqué. His spectaculars were a theatrical hit every year for 23 years until they were ended by the Great Depression. Through his Follies he made starts out of Will Rogers, Bert Williams, Fanny Brice, Ray Bolger, W.C. Fields and Eddy Cantor. He also produced several successful Broadway shows such as Sally and his greatest artistic achievement, Show Boat. His Ziegfeld girls were required to show a certain look and poise before they even were allowed to audition for his shows. His goal was to glorify the American girl. They performed in elaborate but revealing costumes and moved together on stage in synchronicity as one glamourous machine. The danced to the music of the top composers of the day such as George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, and Jerome Kern. For his shows he built the 1600 seat Ziegfeld Theatre in New York. It opened in 1927 with the show Rio Rita, which ran for 500 performances. Show Boat ran for 572 performances and featured the songs “Old Man River” and “Can’t Help Lovin That Man”. He co-produced the film adaptation of his show Whoopee in 1930.