Bo Kaprall

            On Thursday morning I started translating “Ça” (That), which is a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. A middle aged version of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin are discussing practicing eroticism versus reality. 

            I weighed 89.45 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the last of two sessions and of course it went out of tune all the time. 

            I worked on catching up on my journal. 

            I weighed 90.45 kilos before lunch.

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and on the way back stopped at Freshco. I bought seven bags of cherries, a pack of blueberries, some bananas, a loaf of sliced multigrain sandwich bread, two packs of Full City Dark coffee, and a jar of salsa. I did a price match on the cherries with the No Frills price of $4.34 a kilo. Priscilla the cashier was amazed that I’d saved $72 on the cherries and was discussing it with another cashier. I actually saved $64 on the cherries and $12 on two other purchases.

            I weighed 89.9 kilos at 18:15. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:40. 

            I grilled seven strips of finger beef and had one with a potato and gravy while watching season 9, episode 23 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            During the audience warmup someone asks if Vicki had her baby. Carol says Courtney Allison Schultz was born nine months ago. 

            At a company called Kennon Escrow, Florence (played by Carol) and Edgar (played by Harvey) work as accountants in an extremely cramped office. But over their twenty years together they’ve worked out a system for dealing with their confined space. Harvey has to step on a garbage can to get over Carol’s desk to his. He hands her the inbox items while she hands him those for the outbox. She hands him the debit and he hands her the credit. He hands her the open accounts and she hands him the closed accounts. There is one phone with a long line and when it’s for Harvey she tosses it to him. When she has to file something she calls out “File!” and he ducks because the file cabinet drawer is impossibly long and would take his head off if he didn’t duck. When she closes it she calls “Finished!” and he can sit up again. The boss (played by Vicki) comes in with their new employee Mr. Barker (played by Tim). She tells Barker he can share Edgar’s desk. He has an extremely difficult time getting to Edgar’s desk and then it’s even harder to maneuver himself into his chair. There is a call for Barker but when Florence tosses him the phone it goes out the window. When Edgar uses the typewriter it’s at Barker’s side of the desk and it keeps hitting him in the face when Edgar uses the return. Vicki comes in with a bottle of champagne because it’s Florence and Edgar’s twentieth anniversary. After a toast she gives them the rest of the day off. Barker is alone and about to relax when the file cabinet drawer hits him in the head. 

             Carol and Jack Klugman play a couple who frequently miss dates with one another because they get it wrong where they are supposed to meet. They sing a song about it. He proves with his appointment book that he was at the right location and she apologizes. But she wonders who “Jean” is and he explains that Jean is a male jeweller who was going to show him some wedding rings. She’s very happy but he predicts she’ll get the wedding location wrong. She has to go to meet her sister but they’re going to meet for dinner at O’Hara’s. He writes down Gallagher's. 

            Carol and Jack play a married couple. He is a writer although not yet published. Her sister is coming over with her new boyfriend who claims to be a clairvoyant. Vicki arrives with Harvey, who pauses to read the auras in the room. Vicki gives Carol a present. It’s one of her many seagull paintings. Vicki asks Harvey if she’ll be successful and he predicts she will. Then Carol says she writes children’s stories and asks if she’ll be successful. Harvey confirms she’ll be a literary star. Jack is a skeptic but plays along to receive a reading from Harvey, who predicts he’ll have no success whatsoever. Jack asks about his second novel but Harvey says it will bomb. Jack gets upset because he thinks neither Carol or Vickie have any talent. He storms out of the house. Harvey tells Carol she’ll meet a rich blonde man who’ll adore her children. 

            Tim is sitting in his pajamas and bathrobe reading the paper. Carol enters the room in her bathrobe. It seems they are in the middle of an argument because she begins with “And another thing” before letting loose with several complaints while Tim ignores her. Suddenly there is the sound of a car pulling up outside and Carol exclaims, “It’s my husband!” Tim springs to life and jumps out the window. 

            In a museum the tour guide shows the guests the Pink Pussycat Diamond and demonstrates the security system that keeps it from being stolen. Besides being encased in bulletproof glass it is surrounded by an invisible high voltage forcefield. They all leave the room and the guide speaks into a walkie talkie giving the order to activate the security system. Soon a cat burglar (played by Tim) descends on a rope. But the rope is not long enough for him to reach the floor so he has to swing onto a statue, the head of which he breaks off, then he sits there to detach himself from the rope. He comes up against the force field, which burns one of his shoes off. He tests the forcefield from various heights and discovers that it stops at a certain height but also for some reason at the back. He makes his way inside of the field and tries to cut the case but his glass cutter breaks. He tries to use his drill and finds a plug but the cord won’t reach the glass. He tries to use a hammer and chisel but that doesn’t work. Then he discovers that after all that the case has no top. He has to climb up above the case to try to reach down to get the diamond. But while he’s doing that another thief just walks in the door and approaches the case. It turns out the case has no back either so he just grabs the diamond and leaves. 

            Harvey plays the mayor of a southern town and Vicki plays his wife in a public podium where he introduces Congressman Jethro Parker, played by Jack who steps up with his wife Lulibeth (played by Carol). Lulibeth tells the people that her husband is generous, which is shown by how he gives their butlers and maids every Thursday and every other Tuesday off and at Eastertime gave their chauffeur two whole weeks. Last Christmas he brought home a bunch of starving bunnies from the Playboy mansion and gave them a Christmas goose. They sing “The Country’s in the Very Best of Hands” by Johnny Mercer from the 1956 musical Lil’ Abner. The dancers do a dance along with Vicki who tap dances. 

            One of the writers for The Carol Burnett Show was Bo Kaprall, who started as a writer and producer of ads in Chicago. He became a castmember of Second City. In the late 70s he moved to LA where he created the Comedy Store Players and joined The Kentucky Fried Theatre. He wrote and produced for Laverne and Shirley and also for Friends. He played Laverne’s boyfriend Norman Hughes. He wrote for Welcome Back Kotter, Cher, and Sesame Street. He became a writer for Saturday Night Live and a developer of reality shows. He has written and produced over 5000 radio commercials.