Kay Cole

            On Tuesday morning I went to bed after 2:30 and didn’t sleep before getting up at 5:00. Yoga is not a substitute for sleep but it helps. 

            I worked out the chords for the first line and a half of “La complainte de Bonnot” by Boris Vian.

            I revised some more of my translation of “Ça” (That), a parody of the Serge Gainsbourg song “Je t’aime. Moi non plus (I Love You. Neither Do I)”. I might have it finished on Wednesday. 

            I weighed 89.05 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Martin during song practice for the third of four sessions and as usual it was out of tune constantly. 

            At about 13:35 I left to go up the street to Family Dentistry for my bi-annual checkup. Dr. Singh fixed a few of my fillings and we were done in half an hour. My next check-up is in January 12. 

            I rode over to Home Hardware where I bought the Dirt Devil Handheld Steamer that I was told they would be getting yesterday. It cost $62.14 after tax and hopefully it will kill my bedbugs. 

            I weighed 89.05 kilos at 14:50, which is the lightest I’ve been in the early afternoon since May 20.

            I took a siesta and slept an extra 20 minutes. 

            It was too late to take a bike ride. 

            I weighed 90.15 kilos at 17:45. That’s the hardest I’ve been in the scale in the evening since June 29 but not as hard. 

            I was caught up in my journal at 20:14. 

            I digitized my cassette tape of Rob Siciliano’s Heckle Night, recorded in Slough, England in the early 1990s. It’s only fifteen minutes long so I recorded both sides through my audio interface to Audacity and then extracted it to my hard drive. Tomorrow I’ll digitize my feature at Fat Albert’s in 1996 accompanied by Brian Haddon on recorder. 

            I used the steamer for the first time. I was supposed to wait for the green light but when it came on, at the same time the red light was still on. I didn’t know if I should wait for the red light to go off or if it just stays on so I just started. In the beginning it spit out a splash of water before there was a steady stream of steam. Considering the little bit of water the tank holds at 250 ml, it produces a lot of steam. I blasted the spaces under the baseboards a few times. 

            I had a potato with gravy and two strips of finger beef while watching season 10. episode 7 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            Four of the players from A Chorus Line are in the audience. They are there to see Kay Cole’s guest appearance. Carol encourages everybody to go see A Chorus Line. 

            A white guy with an afro asks Carol if she still gets stage fright. She says when she does her hair looks just like his. 

            A teenager asks her to do Nora Desmond but Carol says she needs the drag. She asks the kid if they know what “drag” is and they say it’s a cigarette. Carol explains that it’s the costume. 

            A girl wants a kiss from Tim Conway and a guy wants a handshake. Tim pretends to be awkward about it. 

            In the first sketch Harvey plays a person pretending to be paralyzed from the waist down after supposedly having been run over by Carol. If he wins against her she and her husband will lose their house, their car, and their life savings. Carol comes to his door to apologize and says he deserves everything he can get from them. He mentions that he just spoke to his lawyer on the phone. She asks if she can use it to call her husband and then she notices that it is sitting on the shelf, too far for someone who is paralyzed from the waist down in a wheelchair to reach. She tickles his foot with a feather and if he’s paralyzed he shouldn’t feel anything. He starts laughing but says it’s at a joke he just remembered. She offers him the chicken soup she brought but he says he doesn’t trust her so she has some, begins choking and convulsing then falls motionless on the floor. He gets up from his wheelchair to investigate and Carol gets up to catch him in his scam. They struggle, then he falls backward ending up with a real broken neck and legs. 

            Kay Cole comes out and Carol, Harvey, Vicki and Tim are there to greet her and offer support because this is her TV debut. Carol says no matter how many live performances one has done the cameras are pretty frightening. Kay says to the audience, “Aren’t they nice?” Harvey tells her she should talk to the cameras and not the audience. The regular cast are arguing among themselves as to how Kay should proceed until Kay asserts that she’s just going to be herself and so they leave her to do her song. 

            Kay sings and dances to “Boys and Girls Like You and Me” by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II from the 1943 musical Oklahoma. 

            In the Mama’s Family sketch Mickey Hart (played by Tim) has his boss Ed, (played by Harvey) Ed’s wife Eunice (played by Carol), and her Mama (played by Vicki) over to his tiny place to celebrate his fifth anniversary of working for Ed. He says he’s never had any guests in his room before. Eunice says none of her’s and Ed’s wedding anniversaries have ever gotten Ed so hopped up as anticipating this party. Mama says she hasn’t seen anything this cozy since she visited her Aunt Elizabeth in her trailer. The family starts arguing and Mickey calls it horsing around and says he loves it because he never had a family. He ran away from his aunt when he was 14. Mickey has ordered Chinese food from Kim’s down the street so he leaves to pick it up. After he’s gone Mama complains about how she got all dressed up to sit in a rat trap. She says they shouldn’t have even come into this neighbourhood without a police escort. “There’s every colour of the rainbow livin on this block!” (That’s the first hint we’ve gotten in the history of this character that she’s racist). She says to Eunice, “I never expected anything like this! I thought your place was a disaster area!” Mama refuses to taste the dip that Mickey made and she chooses to drink her beer from the can. She says there’s not telling where his hands have been and what’s growing in his glasses. Ed argues that Mickey has been an asset to his business so Eunice asks if that’s true how come he cut $5 a week from her food budget. Mama picks up one of Mickey’s magazines and points out that he doesn’t even take the trouble to hide his smut. Ed tells her that National Geographics aren’t smut. Mama says she used to catch Eunice’s father looking at the pictures of naked women in National Geographics. Mickey returns with the Chinese takeout and says Kim was surprised he had company and called him the Lone Ranger except that in imitating Kim, Mickey switches the “L” and the “R”. Eunice is surprised that Mickey can afford to eat Chinese food since Ed never takes his family out to one. Mama says her Aunt Francis had a friend who went into a Chinese restaurant and never come back out. She adds that they probably drugged her and took her off in a boat or something. Mama says the food looks pretty good. Mickey says what’s a raise for if you can’t spend it on people you care for? Eunice asks, “A what?” Mickey repeats, “A raise”. Ed puts his hand on Mickey's shoulder to try to signal for him to shut up, but Mickey says, “Imagine how surprised I was when the chief laid an extra $5 a week on me!” Eunice blows up and Mama tells her to calm down. Eunice asks, “Are you married to a man who takes the bread out of his family’s mouths and gives it to a stooge?” Mama says she told her she was gonna come to grief if she married Ed. Eunice says she had no choice since living with her was a living hell. Mama says, “I didn’t come over to this god forsaken part of the city to sit in this pigsty and be abused!” Mickey says, “Wanna try the pea pods?” Mama says, “Shut up you sawed off little weirdo!” Mama storms out and says she’s taking a bus if she doesn’t get mugged first. Eunice tells Ed to drive them home. Ed tosses her the keys and says he’ll grab a taxi later. Eunice says, “That’s all I need is for you to throw away more money on account of this twerp!” Eunice tells Ed it’s either her or Mickey. Ed tells her to drive carefully. Eunice leaves and Ed sits down to enjoy Chinese food with Mickey. Eunice comes back in, puts all the Chinese food in a box and says, “At least my sons are gonna have a good meal!” and then she leaves. 

            Carol, Vicki and Kay sing a medley of rain songs. Carol sings “Here’s That Rainy Day” by Jimmy Van Heusen and Johnny Burke from the 1953 musical Carnival In Flanders. Vicki sings the 1966 song “Cloudy” by Paul Simon and Bruce Woodley. Carol and Kay join in. Kay sings “Soon it’s Gonna Rain” by Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt from the 1960 musical The Fantasticks. They all sing the 1932 song “Rain on the Roof” by Ann Ronell. Carol sings the 1928 song “I Get the Blues When It Rains” by Harry Stoddard and Marcy Klauber. The dancers lip sync the 1927 song “Rain” by Eugene Ford. Carol, Vicki and Kay sing the 1971 song “Rainy Days and Mondays” by Paul Williams and Roger Nichols. Kay and Carol sing the 1941 song “When the Sun Comes Out” by Harold Arlen and Ted Koehler. Carol finishes “Here’s That Rainy Day”. 

            Kay Cole was seen in a ballet class at the age of 6 by a director who asked her to audition for his show Me Candido. She made her Broadway debut as Sad Girl in Bye Bye Birdie in 1961. She originated Urchin in The Roar of the Greasepaint the Smell of the Crowd in 1965. She originated the role of Crissy in Hair in 1968. She played Mick Jagger and Joan Baez in National Lampoon’s Lemmings in 1973. She originated the role of Maggie in the 1975 Broadway production of A Chorus Line. She originated Strawberry Fields in the musical Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in 1975. She directed the plays Desperate Writers in 2007, and The Dining Room in 2009. She directed and choreographed I Only Have Eyes for You in 2005. She choreographed Six Dance Lessons in Six Weeks in 2001 and 2003 and also the film adaptation. She released her debut solo album Souvenir in 2020.