Leaning and Cleaning

            On Sunday morning I memorized the sixth verse and the second chorus of “La ballade de Johnny Jane" by Serge Gainsbourg.

            During song practice I was able to play the A chord a few times without dulling the strings, although it still doesn’t sound rich.

            Around midday I washed and scrubbed another section of the kitchen floor between the bathroom door and the filing cabinet and near the left end of the table. One more session and I’ll have that strip cleaned up to the cabinet. After that I’m going to have to start moving furniture again in order clean underneath.

            I had a cheddar and lettuce sandwich for lunch.

            In the afternoon I did my exercises while listening to Amos and Andy. In this story Sapphire and her mother give Kingfish $300 to book a seaside holiday for the three of them. But he gets scammed instead into renting a rundown shack at Lake Chippewawa in New Jersey. When Kingfish learns from Calhoun the lawyer that the Chippewawa resort is a dump he decides to sell the vacation to Andy. He tells Andy that he feels bad that while he’ll be lying on the beach Andy will be breathing the polluted air. Andy asks if the air in New York is polluted. Kingfish says they analyzed the air and found out it’s one part oxygen and two parts carbon peroxide. Scientists have found out that the only way to survive in New York is to have someone in New Jersey do your breathing for you. There are six million people in New York but only air enough for three million. Andy asks, “How come half the population doesn’t suffojurate?" "Because up until now half the population has been inhaling while the other half exhaled. But one of these days something might disturb the beat and you’re liable to take a deep breath and come up shy.” He tells Andy that if he spends two weeks in the country he can inhale enough fresh air to tide him over until the next season. He adds that they’ve found that the purest air in the country is at Lake Chippewawa in the beautiful hills of New Jersey. The air there is 50% oxygen and 50% vitamins with a penicillin base. When Kingfish tells him it costs $300 he says he’ll stay in New York but when he tells him "Chippewawa" means "fresh air and girls" he decides it's worth it. But later when Andy runs into Amos and tells him about the resort Amos informs him that he read in the news that it’s a dump and so Kingfish must be scamming him again. Andy goes after Kingfish with a baseball bat but then Kingfish fast talks him again. He tells him that it’s better to go to a dump because if he went to a classy place he’d have to tip so many people on the way to his room that by the time he got there he wouldn’t be able to afford it. Kingfish gives the $300 to Sapphire so she can make the vacation arrangements. Later she tells him that she bought a vacation from Andy for $300 at beautiful Lake Chippewawa.

            I took a bike ride and saw that the new bike lanes on Bloor are marked out on both sides now, although there are temporary posts in the middle of the road crowding motorists towards the bike lane. I also noticed that both the Brass Rail and the Zanzibar on Yonge Street are open but I assume there must be only stage shows and no lap dances.

            For dinner I had a fried egg and a slice of toasted Portuguese corn bread with a beer while watching The Adventures of Sir Lancelot.

            In the first story Lancelot stops a thief named Piggott who has stolen a loaf of bread. He gives him a small bag of coins and tells him to go back and pay for the bread. The thief asks what he should do when the money is gone. Lancelot tells him he can work but the thief points out the thief tattoo on his forehead that is given to anyone caught stealing and says that because of that it is impossible for a thief to be hired. Lancelot brings this issue up with King Arthur who argues that nothing stops those with thief marks from living an honest life. Lancelot challenges the king to prove it by living the life himself. Arthur agrees but says that Lancelot will also have to pose as a former thief. Arthur asks Merlin to disguise them both and temporarily mark their foreheads before they venture out. Almost immediately they have difficulty because of all the walking they need to do. Trying to find other thieves they enter a tavern. Inside a woman is crying and they learn that it's because Piggot, the thief that Lancelot met the day before had been captured and killed by the king’s men. They are informed by another thief that the king’s men are about to raid the place and so they are shown out the back. They are chased by soldiers and are led to an outlaw camp in the forest. Lancelot introduces Arthur to the others as “Arty”  and when Art slips and calls Lancelot by his own name all the other thieves just think it’s a jocular nickname. When Arty declares, “Everyone in this country enjoys complete freedom unless they break the law” they all think it's hilarious. Lancelot explains that his friend has been beaten on the head too many times. The next day Lancelot and Art go to Lord Vanton’s castle to ask for work but he sends them away on threat of calling his guards. Later when they are being rejected in town Lord Vanton approaches them and offers money and work if they are willing to steal something for him from a certain traveller. Arty becomes angry and begins throwing fruit at Vanton from the stand of a nearby merchant. A guard steps in and Lancelot hits him before they escape. When they are safe in the forest Arty begins eating an apple and Lancelot reminds him that for stealing it he could lose a hand. Arty says, “You struck one of my men and for that you could be put in jail for life.” They reflect how their circumstances caused them to break the law without trying. They go back to the thieves camp where the men have stolen some of the king’s wine. The head thief says that he had once been a woodsman but their master took their axes to make into armour for a war that he lost.  Lord Vanton's guards raid the camp. Lancelot and Arty fight valiantly but are overwhelmed. Lord Vanton sentences them all to hang and throws them in his dungeon. But Arty tricks the jailer to come close enough to grab him and they force him to open their cell. They fight their way to the castle walls so Arthur can escape and then Lancelot surrenders. Arthur goes to Merlin and issues writs of freedom for all thieves in common jail and to have them all in his courtyard in the morning. Vanton is brought before Arthur and sentenced to leave on a pilgrimage to learn humility. The thieves are all given work as woodsmen in the thieves forest and then invited to a feast.

            In the second story Arthur sends Lancelot to King Anguish’s court in Ireland to fight in a tournament on his behalf. He and Brian are stopped on the road by a man with a crossbow who calls himself the Prince of Limerick. He demands either their purse or a rhyme for “agony". He recites the poem for his love Kathleen that requires the rhyme: "The Moon has seen you yet must stay a thousand miles away/ How well I know it’s agony ..." Brian offers, "For you are far away from me." The Prince is so grateful he invites them into his cave. He says he once had a castle but King Anguish dispossessed him because of an insulting limerick he wrote about him. The king also knows that his daughter Kathleen is in love with the prince and so he has decreed that whomever wins the tournament will have her hand in marriage. The prince says he will enter the tournament and he will be killed but he would rather die for her than live without her. Lancelot meets King Anguish and he is comically unhappy. He explains that he does not smile because he has a daughter with tongue like a horsewhip. Lancelot meets Kathleen and takes her to the prince. Lancelot wants Kathleen and the prince to be wed and so he says he will withdraw from the tournament and train the prince to fight. Lancelot goes to have dinner at the castle and conveys a message to the main competitor in the tournament from the Prince of Limerick: “The Baron Wicklow is fat in his haunch, in his paunch, in his hat. My insult’s intended, I hope I’ve offended. If not may I call you a rat?” Then Lancelot tells Wicklow that the prince challenges him to single combat and then Lancelot slaps Wicklow across the face three times with a leather glove and throws it down. On the day of the tournament Lancelot is sparring with Limerick when the prince sprains his wrist. Lancelot has no choice but to fight disguised as Limerick and he defeats him. But later Wicklow demands a final melee between his followers and those of Limerick. The weapon that Wicklow has chosen is the shelalee. And so the prince, Lancelot and Brian face off against Wiklow and his family with shelalees, all the while reciting insulting limericks. The Wiklows fight badly because this is meant to be a funny story. In the end Limerick gets to marry Kathleen and King Anguish finally smiles.