Howard Morris

            On Friday morning it was raining hard with a strong wind. So even though the heat was on and the apartment was too warm I couldn’t open the windows all the way for fear of the rain blowing in during yoga. 

            I started translating “The Calypso Blues” by Boris Vian. 

            I finished translating “Rétro Song" by Serge Gainsbourg and memorized the first verse. 

            During song practice the rain was still coming down but the wind died down so I could open the windows. 

            I took a siesta from 12:08 to 13:38. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos before lunch. I had tomatoes and avocados with fig balsamic dressing. 

            I took a bike ride to Ossington and Bloor in the afternoon. 

            I tried to take another siesta from a little after 17:00 but only laid down for about half an hour. 

            I weighed 88.4 kilos at 17:45. 

            I worked on my essay for a couple of hours, mostly trying to create arguments between George Eliot and Oscar Wilde on class and on their solutions to social problems:

            Eliot’s theory is that it is impossible for the poor to be virtuous, moral, refined in sentiment, altruistic and charitable as long as they suffer from harsh social conditions. Wilde argues that improved circumstances only produce health, but do not diminish prejudice. To override bigotry all of the classes must have a relationship with beauty. For this to occur, “art is required” to shape the form that creates the critical temperament and the aesthetic instinct that pushes the conditions of our societal environment towards beauty. A common sense of beauty would raise us above hateful discrimination. 

            I had half a bowl of lentil chili and plantain chips for dinner while watching Andy Griffith. 

            This story begins with Brisco Darling asking Andy for help. Apparently since the Darling’s first appearance Andy married Charlotte Darling and Dudley Wash. But an eccentric neighbour named Ernest T Bass refuses to recognize the marriage and keeps harassing the family and trying to court Charlotte. Andy and Barney travel up into the mountains to try to straighten things out. Andy shows Ernest the marriage certificate but Bass says if there wasn’t a preacher they aren’t married. So they arrange for the next Sunday for the local preacher to perform the ceremony but Ernest promises that it’s not going to happen. Anticipating that Ernest will try to kidnap the bride, he has Barney dress up in the wedding gown and veil. They start the wedding and sure enough Ernest grabs and pulls away what he thinks is the bride. As soon as Ernest and Barney are gone Charlotte comes out from behind a tree and the real ceremony is finished. Ernest has to accept the marriage but now he’s interested in courting Barney, whom he thinks is a lady sheriff. 

            Dudley was played by Hoke Howell.  

            The preacher was played by Dub Taylor. 

            Ernest T Bass was played by Howard Morris and the character was so popular with fans that he reprised it a handful of times over three seasons. He started out acting in the army with Carl Reiner and later became a cast member of Your Show of Shows and Caesar’s Hour. He did the voices for hundreds of cartoon characters such as Atom Ant and Jughead. He directed episodes of The Danny Thomas Show, The Andy Griffith Show and the pilot of Get Smart; and films such as “With Six You Get Eggroll”. He directed several McDonaldland commercials and did the voice of the Hamburgler. I put coconut milk in my coffee and it was way too heavy. I went to bed with a burdened stomach.