Scarlett Interface

            On Friday morning I got up just after midnight. I did the dishes and brushed my teeth, then I updated my journal and went to bed again at 2:15. It took a while for me to get any more sleep but I must have gotten some because I dreamed about somebody being pissed off at me over a joke I’d made about punishment for paedophiles. Something about feathers up their asses. The guy looked like Hawkeye from the Avengers. 

            I started editing “Le régiment des mal aimés” (The Regiment of Broken Hearts) by Boris Vian in Christian’s Translations to prepare it for blog publication. 

            I ran through “Monna Vanna et Miss Duncan” by Serge Gainsbourg in French and English, adjusting my translation a bit. Then I uploaded it to Christian’s Translations. I should have it published on the blog tomorrow. 

            I weighed 85.7 kilos before breakfast. 

            I wanted to open a can of peaches but I have been suffering from shitty can openers bought from the supermarket for the last several years. They cut into parts of the lid but don’t move further. I have to move them to another spot on the circle and press down again. The result is that I end up after about five minutes with about half the can open but in different places around the lid. To actually open the lid I have to slide a knife into the slits the can opener made and slice upward to connect it to the other slits. This morning I decided that rather than spend five minutes opening a can I would spend ten minutes going to the hardware store. There they had two kinds of what looked like the kind I already have but they also had a strange-looking can opener called the Starfrit Mightican for $16. I wasn’t sure about it and when I took it to the cashier I asked if it worked. She repeated, “Does it work?” surprised that I would ask. I expressed my frustration with can openers and wondered what happened to the kinds that last for years. 

            As I took it home I noticed it had a three-year warranty. The other can openers cost the same but have no warranty. It took a few seconds to figure the device out. It sits on top of a can rather than one having it on the side with only the blade on the rim. One opens the handles and backs it to the edge of the can where it catches, then one closes the handles and it holds tight. I turned the dial and it’s weird because it didn’t feel like anything was happening at all until the lid was off. Another weird thing is that it leaves no sharp edges around the lid. That was a very satisfying purchase. 

            I called up the Ministry of Housing to ask if I’ve been sent my annual audit to confirm my eligibility for the Toronto Housing Allowance. I was only on hold for a few seconds and the person told me that they will be mailed on May 11. She said if I don’t get mine by May 18 I should contact them again. 

            I weighed 85.6 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor and then south on Yonge to Dundas. I wanted to go to Best Buy again because I’d heard they sell microphones. After locking my bike I had to pee and I went looking for a washroom in the building where Best Buy is housed. I inquired at Starbucks but I was told I would have to go to the food court at the Eaton’s Centre. That was a long walk underground all the way to Yonge and then south. After walking back to Best Buy I went to their section with the big sign “Musical Instruments” and I don’t think they had a single musical instrument. They did have some cheap microphones but not what I was looking for. 

            I rode down to Queen and then west to Steve’s Music. I looked around but couldn’t find microphones. I asked at the counter and was told they are upstairs but I had to talk to Connor in the keyboard section on the east side of the main floor. Connor, dressed far more casually than seems to be allowed at Long and McQuade, with spiky black and blond hair and covered in tattoos, was talking about keyboards to a customer and saying that Roland and Yamaha have jumped ahead of everybody else. He said Roland doesn’t even use Chinese parts anymore except for some computer chips. 

            When Connor was done with the keyboard customer he took me through the Steve’s Music Store maze up to the second floor to the electronics department. I asked if he was in charge of both departments and he said he is but they don’t pay him any more. I said they should have a bat pole so he can just slide down to keyboards. He was much kinder about my old Shure microphone and unlike the guy at Long and McQuade, who told me that a USB mic would provide a better-quality sound than my mic, Connor took the opposite view. He said he finds USB mics unsatisfactory because they can pick up radio interference. He said that my mic with a Scarlett USB audio interface would be better than a USB mic. I also found out that if I buy a wired lavalier mic I could use that with the interface as well. He said I would need to buy audio mixing software like Ableton. I asked if I could pirate it and he smiled. He said he pirated it for about five years but once he started making more money he paid for it because cracked versions sometimes crash. 

            I decided to buy the Scarlett interface. It cost $281.37 after tax. Connor shook my hand and I said it was the first time I’d shaken someone’s hand in two years. He understood. He said I could call him if I have problems setting up the device, but added there are also YouTube videos. I commented that there are probably YouTube videos for making atomic bombs and another salesperson laughed. I saw later that there are but I don’t know if they are a joke. Of course, one would need the materials anyway so knowing how to do it is a lesser issue. 

            I weighed 85.3 kilos at 18:20. 

            I didn’t have time to test the Scarlett interface but I did put it on top of my computer. It’s a nice-looking device with a red frame and a black front. 

            I had a potato with gravy and a chicken leg while watching two episodes of Astro Boy. 

            In the first story, Dr. Tempo develops a time gun with the intention of sending Dr. Elefun into the past so he can replace him as director of the Science Institute. Meanwhile, Astro Boy visits Dr. Elefun, who shows him a history book he recently found that shows a drawing of a knight called Sir Astro Boy and of a magician that looks like Elefun. He says that in the 12th Century there was a castle on the very spot where his lab is now. That must mean they are not in North America even though other stories have shown that they are. Tempo arrives with his time gun and shoots it at Elefun and Astro Boy, causing them to disappear. It also makes Elefun’s lab disappear. 

            Astro Boy and Elefun are still in the lab but their surroundings are changed. A knight comes forward and challenges him and so Astro Boy easily beats him. Then the knight honours Astro Boy and takes him and Elefun to meet King Knutt and enter him in the jousting tournament. Astro meets the king and also his daughter Princess Philomena who ties her scarf to Astro Boy’s lance. Astro Boy wins the tournament and the king asks him to become captain of the guard. Astro Boy politely declines because he has to return to the 21st Century. Astro Boy and Elefun are invited to a feast to discuss it further. 

            Meanwhile, an evil knight named Count Pudding and a wizard named Marvin are plotting to overthrow King Knutt. Pudding tries to make Elefun look like a fool in the king’s eyes so as to put Astro Boy out of favour. He tells the king that Elefun is a magician and so the king asks to see a demonstration of Marvin and Elefun’s magics. Marvin hypnotizes a subject and makes him think he is various animals. Elefun pretends he used magic to make Astro Boy fly, which is more impressive. 

            Astro Boy and Elefun go back to the lab so Elefun can create his own time gun. Other things from the future start appearing near Elefun’s lab and another materializes outside Knutt’s castle. Pudding and Marvin discover it is filled with an army of robots that are seeking orders. Pudding sends them to attack Knutt’s kingdom and Elefun's lab. Astro Boy flies to defeat the bad robots, as well as Marvin and Pudding. Astro Boy and Elefun return to their own time where Tempo has become director of the Institute. They confront him and he escapes. Astro Boy goes after him but avoids any time guns he may be shooting. Tempo is defeated. 

            In the second story, a hunter tells Astro Boy about a strange ship that came from the sky and caused Witchhead Mountain to light up over Mystery Lake. Astro Boy goes to investigate and he fights and beats a giant robot. Then he meets Princess Luna Luna from the Planet Avalon, who knows he is there behind her and knows he is not human. 

            Meanwhile, her kind brother Dodo encounters a human named Villainous who wants to put Luna in the circus. Dodo’s people must avoid contact with humans because their brain waves are too strong and will cause his people to become like them. Dodo tries to avoid Villainous but he makes him evil and causes him to plot to become king of his planet. 

            Luna is scheduled to bathe in Mystery Lake that night. The water has a special ingredient that will help her undergo a transformation into a queen before returning to rule Avalon, and since he defeated Luna’s robot, Astro Boy serves as her protector until her transformation is complete. Elefun and Astro Girl come to witness Luna’s transformation but when Astro Boy meets them in the cave they are all caught in an impenetrable trap. It doesn’t show how but Astro Boy escapes in time to stop Villainous and Dodo from capturing Luna. The villains try to run but Astro Girl stops them. They escape and she chases them. 

            Luna is sitting in a giant bird’s nest in a tree waiting for her transformation. She tells Astro Boy that when the moon rises she will be wrapped in a cocoon and then he must put her in the waters of Mystery Lake. Dodo redesigns the robot guard with new powers and has it attack Astro Boy. It can now fly and break into sections but Astro Boy defeats it. Luna is covered in a cocoon which Astro Boy takes to the lake but Villainous has drained the lake. Astro Boy finds the water a distance away and digs a tunnel to where the water used to be. It flows through and fills it up again. Luna transforms into a queen and then uses her new powers to change her brother back into a good person. They leave together for their planet.