Nat Hiken

            On Thursday morning I memorized the fourth verse of “Ballade de la chnoufe” (Ballad of the Snuff) by Boris Vian. 

            I finished shaping into verse form the transcription of “Les Millionaires” by Serge Gainsbourg I got from Sonix. The original text is less complete but it’s more accurate. I sang along with it once and made some adjustments. 

            I weighed 86.95 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since October 11. 

            During song practice I played my Kramer electric for the last of four sessions and it stayed in tune the whole time. 

            Around midday I took the candy that I’d bought for my daughter yesterday over to the post office at Vina Pharmacy so I could find a shipping box that fit. I couldn’t use a flat rate box because the smallest one was too small, the next size up was too shallow and the next size was way too big. The stuff definitely wouldn’t fit in the smallest regular shipping box but it looked like it might for the next size. I bought it and took it home to find it was pretty much perfect. 

            I weighed 87.6 kilos before lunch. 

            When it was time for my bike ride I decided the most important thing was to get the package ready for my daughter’s candy. I taped it all up then addressed it and took it over to the post office. I sent it by express and so Astrid’s package should arrive in Montreal on Monday. 

            It was too late for a bike ride so I just rode to Freshco where the grapes were expensive so I did a price match on seven bags of the green ones with the Food Basics price of $4.27 a kilo. I also bought a pack of raspberries, a pack of blue cheese, a pack of cranberry goat cheese, a pack of Swiss rolls, a Black Forest ham, a bag of bistro savoury wedges oven fries, a pack of Full City Dark coffee, a jar of grilled mushrooms, a jar of black currant jam, a tub of Kawartha Blackberry Thunder ice cream, a tub of vanilla bean Haagen Dazs, a pack of two frozen pie shells, a bag of frozen potato samosas, and some shaving gel. 

            I weighed 87.45 kilos at 18:45. 

            I was still behind on my journal so I worked on getting caught up. 

            I had a potato with margarine and a slice of roasted pork with peach chutney while watching season 2, episode 4 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            This was the silliest and least funny episode so far. Officer Fleischer is telling a joke in the locker room but one of the characters he names is Sally, which causes Schnauser to get upset and walk out. The other officers explain why mentioning Sally is a faux pas and it goes back to when Schnauser first joined the 53rd precinct. Schnauser had been a mounted policeman for 12 years with his partner, Sally the horse. But the NYPD retired its mounted force. In order to help him adjust, Schnauser is told he can pick any officer at the precinct as his partner so he. Schnauser inspects the officers the way one would a horse: checking their teeth, patting their behinds and bending their legs from behind to inspect their shoes. He chooses Muldoon because he is horse faced but it doesn’t last long because Muldoon doesn’t appreciate being treated like a pet. They try Toody and it seems to work out perfectly as Toody begins to behave exactly like a horse, even counting by stamping his foot. He brushes his back with a currying brush in the locker room. Schnauser doesn’t even realize he’s doing it until the commissioner points it out. Muldoon has a talk with Toody and snaps him out of his compliance. Schnauser thinks his only choice is resigning but Muldoon comes up with a solution: Let Schnauser patrol his old midtown Manhattan beat in a patrol car. He loves the idea but the only problem is Schnauser doesn’t know where his beat was. He would always get on Sally every morning and she would just take him there. Meanwhile Sally is working at the Midtown Riding Academy but whenever a customer gets on her back, instead of to Central Park, she just takes them on Schnauser’s old route. Her first stop is always at a warehouse where Schnauser would always break up a dice game. The rider gets off and plays dice while Sally continues on to a cigar store where a bookie is operating. He figures out that Sally is going to all of Schnauser’s old stops and know the next stop is where he wants to deliver his betting slips and so he puts them under Sally’s saddle and she unknowingly delivers them to the ice cream vendor who takes them out and slips in the pay envelope. It goes on like this throughout the neighbourhood as the people involved in the betting business use Sally as a mule. The commissioner learns that there is a crime wave on Schnauser’s old beat and Schnauser figures it out. He is told she was sold to the Midtown Riding Academy and he heads there with Toody and Muldoon. Schnauser rides Sally along the old beat with Toody and Schnauser manning the paddy wagon. First they bust everybody at the crap game and continue on until everyone involved is arrested. So eventually Schnauser adjusted to the 53rd Precinct and riding in a patrol car but they don’t explain how. 

            Car 54 Where Are You was created by Nat Hiken. This episode and 20 others wer directed by him. He didn’t write this episode but he did write half of them. He also created Sgt. Bilko which became known as The Phil Silvers Show and wrote 66 of its 143 episodes. He wrote the lyrics for the songs “Close to Me”, “Irving”, and “Fugitive from Fifth Avenue”. He first began performing on his father’s lap as he pretended to be a ventriloquists dummy at parties. He studied journalism at the University of Wisconsin and wrote for the student newspaper for which he created The Grippers Club. It was a mock advice column and he would make up humourous letters to the editor and funny responses to them. He moved to Hollywood and turned the Grippers Club into a radio show called The Grouch Club. It caught the attention of radio star Fred Allen who hired Hiken as a writer. After WWII he moved from radio to television and began writing scripts for Milton Berle. He produced and wrote the Jack Carson Show. He started writing for Martha Raye’s All Star Review which became the Martha Raye Show for which he also became a director. he directed the first Friars Club roast. He created Car 54 Where Are You? and though it was still a hit after two years he burned out and canceled it. Later he returned to television to write a Carol Burnett special. He wrote and produced the movie The Love God? He won four Emmys for the Phil Silvers Show and one for Car 54 Where Are You?