Patricia Cutts

            On Tuesday after midnight I turned on my new computer and saw that Microsoft Office and Word had downloaded and installed successfully. I plugged in my SSD and imported an image of my own for my desktop background. I used one of my scans of damaged colour negatives, which make for very interesting abstract art. 

            I downloaded BitTorrent and VLC media player. I went to bed at around 2:00. 

            After yoga I finished editing on my Christian’s Translations blog “Tout l’monde est musician” (Everyone’s a Musician) by Serge Gainsbourg and published my translation. I posted the lyrics on Facebook. The next of my unpublished Gainsbourg translations is of “Les Millionaires” from 1972. I listened and sang along almost twice with the extract from the Zizi Jeanmaire concert that contains the song. She adlibs a lot and so says a lot of stuff to dramatize the song that’s not part of the formal text. I think I’ll make my own video of the song from the full concert I’ve already downloaded and upload it to Sonix to get a transcript of everything she says. 

            I weighed 87.35 kilos before what would normally be breakfast but I was not allowed to even drink water before my colonoscopy. That’s the lightest I’ve been in the morning since October 23. 

            I left for Mount Sinai at around 11:20. I was worried as I rode my bike there because just before leaving I saw in the instructions that I was supposed to have called them 5 days before the colonoscopy to confirm and that failing to do so could result in my appointment being given to someone else. I was supposed to be there at 12:15, an hour early for the procedure and made it just slightly ahead of time. They processed me and after about fifteen minutes I was taken and given a plastic bag containing my gown and told to wear it so it was open in the back. But there were two items in the bag and I didn’t know which was my gown so I followed those instructions for both of them. I put my stuff in a locker and closed the lock but discovered that the locker hadn’t closed and so I had to wait about ten minutes for someone to unlock it so it could be properly locked. I waited about ten or fifteen minutes for my name to be called. Charmaine the nurse looked at me funny and asked “What did you do?” Apparently I was only supposed to have the gown open in the back and the other item was a robe that was supposed to be open in the front. I felt slightly embarrassed but it’s not as if I have a lot of experience with these things so I didn’t feel that bad about my hospital fashion crime. Charmaine was very nice and the only one who engaged me in conversation. She told me I was very fit and assumed I hadn’t retired yet. She put the IV needle in and it was uncomfortable. 

            I was wheeled to the colonoscopy room. Dr. Croitoru was there. I was given the anesthetic but the procedure was excruciating and I was confused because last time it was painless. I was told that there are more sharp turns in my colon now. They removed one polyp but only saw 75% of my colon. I was told I need to get a CT scan in four months. If they find more polyps then I will have to come back for another colonoscopy. It’s no fun being old. 

            I lied that my daughter would be picking me up. They sent someone down to the main entrance with me to meet her. I told them I saw her down the street and walked to my bike to ride home. Such a hassle. 

            I weighed 86.75 kilos at 16:30. 

            Even though my stomach still ached I had lunch and then took a siesta at 17:00. The plan was to sleep for 90 minutes as usual but I woke up at 21:30. I had thawed a pork tenderloin that should have gone into the oven at 19:00. I started it at 21:35. I was going to be 2.5 hours late starting supper. 

            I weighed 86.95 kilos at 22:05. 

            I turned the roast at 22:25 after I put my small potato in the pot to boil. I wouldn’t be able to eat until around 23:15. I had the small potato with the rest of my gravy and a slice of the pork tenderloin while watching season 2, episode 2 of Car 54 Where Are You? 

            Muldoon’s place is being painted and so he asks Toody if he can stay at his place for two weeks. It’s no problem for Toody and absolutely okay with Lucille because she adores Muldoon as he does her. They talk baby talk together, call each other by pet names and cuddle while watching TV. Toody and Muldoon’s colleague Schnauser has been with his patrol car partner Nicholson for four years but they don’t socialize and the only conversations he has while he’s on duty is with people he’s arresting. On Muldoon’s first night with Toody and Lucille they have all just had dinner and are watching a movie on TV. Toody is snoring in his easy chair while Muldoon and Lucille cuddle and watch a movie about a love triangle. A man named Reggie comes to stay with his best friend Ashley and his wife Pamela and begin passionately kissing while the husband is asleep in his chair. Suddenly both Muldoon and Lucille feel very uncomfortable and move away from each other. They both shout for Toody to wake up. Later Lucille wakes up in the middle of the night feeling thirsty. She doesn’t want to walk in her dressing gown past the couch where Muldoon is sleeping so she puts on a dress and a coat but at the same time Muldoon gets up and goes in his pajamas for a drink of water so when Lucille walks in they both scream and run out. The next day Muldoon and Lucille are afraid to go near each other so much so that they both realize they are being silly but then when they become affectionate again they are frightened and run away. Lucille tells Sylvia Schnauser that Muldoon is in love with her. Muldoon tries to tell Toody but he is sleepy and thinks he’s being told that Nicholson is in love with Sylvia. Meanwhile Schnauser wants to have the relationship with Nicholson that Toody has with Muldoon and insists on Nicholson coming over to spend the night with him and Sylvia. Nicholson sacrifices a moonlight swim with a beautiful redhead to comply. At the same time Muldoon is afraid to stay where Lucille lives and so he asks Schnauser if he can stay there. Schnauser says okay. Schnauser brings him home, directs him to the guest room and goes out for some beer. But meanwhile Lucille is in the other room with Sylvia because she has asked her if she can stay there. Sylvia tells her she can stay in the guest room. Then Nicholson arrives and Sylvia has him sit on the couch. Lucille heads for the guest bedroom not realizing Muldoon is there. Lucille screams, Sylvia sees Muldoon run out of the bedroom followed by Lucille. She gets the wrong idea and orders Lucille out of her house. Muldoon goes back to Toody’s place. Toody thinks Lucille is at her sister’s place and says he can sleep in Lucille’s bed (It’s the early 60s when TV couples slept in separate beds). Then Lucille comes home and almost gets into bed with Muldoon. They both scream and run. Later at a dinner party at Toody and Lucille’s place all the characters are laughing about the mistakes that occurred. Nicholson is there with a date. But then Toody turns on the TV on which there is another love triangle teleplay and they all disappear. 

            Pamela was played by Patricia Cutts, who ran away from boarding school at 14 to join a repertory company. She studied at the Roal Academy of Dramatic Arts. She made her film debut as Prudence in Flying with Prudence. She was a regular panelist on both the US and British versions of the quiz show Down You Go. She co-starred in Battle of the Coral Sea. She co-starred in the British crime drama series Spyder’s Web. She committed suicide by barbiturate overdose at the age of 48 after just starting to play Blanche Hunt on Coronation Street. Her father, Graham Cutts directed Cocaine, the most controversial British film of the silent era.