Ken and Mitzie Welch

            On Thursday morning I searched for the next Boris Vian song to learn in my 1954 list. He wrote the lyrics for twenty songs that appear in a play about a famous criminal gang called La band à Bonnot. I searched the first seven songs but they’re not available online. The eighth song, L'anguille (The Eel) does have a YouTube file with Magali Noel singing the song and I already have the French lyrics and the first draft of my translation. So tomorrow I’ll start learning that one. 

            I memorized the second verse of the 1972 Gainsbourg song “Il est Rigolo mon gigolo” (He’s a Giggle Oh My Gigolo). There are four more verses to learn. 

            I weighed 88.9 kilos before breakfast. 

            I played my Kramer electric during song practice and it stayed in tune the whole time. Tomorrow I begin a two session stretch of playing my Martin acoustic and I predict it won’t stay in tune. 

            I was behind on my journal so I worked on getting caught up. 

            I weighed 89.55 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and stopped at Freshco on the way back. I could only find three bags of firm grapes so I bought those. I also got two packs of raspberries, some bananas, a loaf of multigrain sandwich bread, a box of spoon sized shredded wheat, and a jar of mild salsa. 

            I weighed 89.3 kilos 18:40. 

            I worked on getting caught up in my journal and was still a bit behind by suppertime. 

            I had a potato with gravy, and half a pork tenderloin while watching season 5, episode 20 of The Carol Burnett Show. 

            Carol brings out Burt Reynolds during the audience warmup. Someone asks how many movies he’s made. He says he’s made about two that he likes. Deliverance is about to come out. 

            Someone asks how he got started and he says he was a stuntman. 

            They do a bunch of short parodies of TV commercials from that time. A flight attendant says, “Hi I’m Helen, fly me to Miami”; another says “I’m Elaine, fly me to New York”, then Harvey in drag says, “I’m Bruce, fly me anywhere”. 

            Burt Reynolds makes his TV singing debut with “As Time Goes By” by Herman Upfeld from 1931. He interacts with some female dancers and “accidentally” pulls off one of their wigs. He leans to kiss another and her settee collapses. He pretends to play piano at the top of a stairs and knocks it off the platform, causing the woman who is leaning on it to fall. She gets up and he runs to her arms but misses and falls down the stairs and onto a table, breaking it. He finishes the song and then trips as he’s leaving the stage. 

            Harvey does a parody of a Bromo seltzer commercial. He wants relief from a bad hangover but has such a hard time opening the bottle and pouring it that he decides to get relief from more booze.

            Vickie does a parody of a Scope mouthwash commercial. She practices in front of the mirror to tell her karate instructor that he has bad breath. The teacher says he uses Scoop too but then he splashes it on his chest, exhales and knocks her out. 

            In a George and Zelda sketch the couple is camping in the remote wilderness. Zelda is constantly complaining. She goes into the tent and George says he can’t take it anymore. He grabs a rifle and fires into the tent. Zelda emerges unscathed and he’s relieved. Then a bear comes out from the bushes and grabs Zelda but she punches it in the stomach. George begs the bear to kill him while Zelda nags. The bear shakes its head, gives George a sympathetic pat and then walks away. George points the gun at Zelda but she grabs it and bends it over her knee. 

            In a parody of a Nyquil commercial Nanette Fabray introduces Harvey to Night Night. He goes right to sleep and then her boyfriend emerges with champagne. 

            Nanette Fabray sings “The World is a Concerto” by Ken and Mitzie Welch from the 1973 album Barbara Streisand and Other Musical Instruments. The dancers do a lot of cultural appropriation to represent music of different parts of the world, like Scotland, Japan, Spain, and India. Nanette also sings with American sign language. 

            Carol plays an ordinary housewife doing a natural commercial for Cool Power laundry soap. Suddenly she becomes exaggeratedly theatrical and has to be dragged away. 

            Transcontinental Airlines is the only one with a piano bar in its coach lounge. Burt decides to play it but the other passengers throw him out of the plane. 

            Carol plays a college librarian shushing students who are trying to romantically connect. She overhears them saying that if anybody asked her for a date she’d probably faint and it must be awful not having anybody. The students leave and Carol sings a song about various relationships that led her to meeting “Al”. I posted the lyrics to the first two verses but there are no matches. The second verse talks about almost marrying a practicing atheist from the Peace Corps who’s now on acid in a Canadian hotel.

            There is a parody of The Scarlet Pimpernel called The Lavender Pimpernel. The Duke played by Harvey is about to marry Gabrielle Pomme de Terre played by Carol and it will make him the most powerful duke in France. His aide de camp Charles de Gaye is an over the top effeminate man played by Burt but who is secretly the very masculine hero the Lavender Pimpernel who plans to stop the wedding and save France. His only change between identities is that he removes a fake beauty mark from his cheek to become the hero and nobody can recognize him. Gabrielle meets de Gaye and tells him he’s what’s wrong with France. Later the Pimpernel smashes through Gabrielle’s bedroom window. She and her handmaiden played by Nanette say “The Lavender Pimpernel!” He says, “You’ve heard of me?” They say no. Later the Pimpernel stops the wedding and duels with the Duke. While he’s holding out his sword three guards impale themselves on it and so he sword fights the duke with the end of the sword that’s sticking out from the guards. He kills the duke. Now that France is free he and Gabrielle can smash through the door instead of the window. 

            The last musical number is derived from the completion of the railroad that united east and west in the US. Easterners join with westerners in a blending of their cultures. 

            Ken and Mitzie Welch made up a husband and wife song writing team. Ken wrote comedy material for Carol Burnett for her early auditions such as for Garry Moore. He accompanied Carol on piano and wrote songs for her nightclub act. He wrote for the Garry Moore Show and wrote Julie and Carol at Carnegie Hall. Songs on the Carol Burnett Show that were sung during musical numbers that did not use hit songs were probably written by them. The “Al” song that Carol sang was not credited but I suspect they wrote it. Also popular songs were given additional or alternative lyrics in order to fit a theme and this team was likely behind it. They worked on the Carol Burnett Show from 1971 to 1978. They wrote the original songs for the TV special Barbara Streisand and Other Musical Instruments. Mitzi co-wrote an Olivia Newton John TV special and the Star Wars Holiday Special. They shared 19 Emmy nominations and each won 5.