I weighed 87.65 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since April 15.
I played my Gibson Les Paul Studio during song practice and it only stayed in tune completely through two songs.
A large group of Tibetans wearing lime coloured safety vests were walking along Queen Street and picking up garbage.
Around midday I rode to No Frills where I bought five bags of cherries, a pack of raspberries, a pack of blueberries, a pack of chicken drumsticks, a strawberry-rhubarb pie, some lemon dish detergent, tomato pesto, three bags of skim milk, a jug of limeade, a jug of orange juice, two containers of skyr, and a bag of Miss Vickie’s chips. The cashier, Winta said she had to return a watermelon she bought there because it was hard inside and not sweet. I told her the watermelons are not good this time of year.
I weighed 89.2 kilos at 14:20. I had saltines with peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar and a glass of iced tea.
After my siesta it was too late to take a bike ride downtown and so I just rode to Ossington and Bloor.
I weighed 89.15 kilos at 17:55.
I worked on getting caught up in my journal.
I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, tomato pesto, marinated mushrooms, olive paste, my last two souvlaki sliced, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 7, episode 5 of The Carol Burnett Show.
A couple is in a cheap restaurant. The woman played by Carol is a constant complainer with a penchant for insulting everyone around her. She complains to Harry that he hasn’t taken her out in ten years. He reminds her that he’s been in prison for ten years. She insults the bartender’s drink and calls the waiter a floozie. Harry begs her to shut up because he’s on parole and if she causes a fight then he’s the one who’ll be going back to prison. She and the waiter almost get into fight but Harry calms the situation. She calls out “flatfoot” to a cop and Harry has to avoid a hassle. She calls a biker a moron and while he’s telling the man his wife is sorry she hits his hand, which happens to be holding a steak knife and causes it to stab the biker and kill him. She grabs the knife to explain to the cops it was an accident but Harry says that she did it and they take her away while he happily enjoys a peaceful meal.
Eydie Gorme sings the 1973 song “Take One Step” by Robert Allen and Arthur Kent.
Matthew (Paul Sand) and Jessica (Carol) are newlyweds on their honeymoon in a car late at night with Matthew driving. Matthew has passed many motels and Jessica wants to stop so they can be together for the first night of their marriage. He says he’s looking for the right one but finally confesses he’s frightened. He says he would have gone to a hotel with her before they were married because there was something smutty about it. Finally she suggests that he check into a motel alone and then sneak her in as if they weren’t married. He loves it but says they have to hurry up because he told his mother he’d be home before midnight.
Harvey Korman is co-starring in a musical film called Huckleberry Finn and with the help of the dancers he performs the 1974 song “Royalty” by Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman.
They do a salute to series films, starting with Young Dr. Kildare, which had 16 movies. Kildare was always second guessed by the older Dr. Gillespie. In the scene, Gillespie asks Kildare, “What do you think you’re doing you young whippersnapper?” Kildare says, “This man is suffering from arterial glaucoma and if he is not operated on immediately he will die. While Gillespie argues that Kildare can’t decide to stop death the man dies. Gillespie then insists that Kildare give the patient a condeacted orchidectomy and since Gillespie runs the hospital Kildare prepares the corpse for a nose job.
There were 23 movies based on the O Henry character The Cisco Kid, who was the greatest bandit and greatest lover in Mexico. Cisco meets his sidekick Pancho in a cantina. He says he’s come back to settle down with the sweet and gentle Carmelita. But Carmelita comes out and she’s now wild, loud, and sexy. She insists that still nobody has touched her but on her backside we see the mark of Zorro.
The Tarzan films started in 1918 and added up to 42 of them. One of those films was Tarzan’s New York Adventure in 1942. In the spoof we see Tarzan (Lyle) and Jane (Carol) in a fancy restaurant. They have trouble catching the attention of the waiter so Jane does Carol’s Tarzan yell.
There were 13 Wolfman movies. In the spoof Carol and Paul play a couple on vacation in Transylvania. Their car breaks down outside a spooky castle. They enter and are told to go away by an elderly woman who says there is no phone, no mechanic nearby and they try to keep their blood sucking down to a minimum. Then she cackles loudly. She hears a wolf howl and says her master is calling. Then laughs again. They try to leave but there is now a brick wall when they open the door. Then they meet a Romani fortune teller who reads Carol’s palms. The left one tells the past and the woman says, “Naughty naughty”. Then she looks at the future and tells Carol she’s a dead duck. She says, “The Wolfman will bite you tonight. Oy are you gonna get it!” She says she has twin sons. One is a werewolf and one is a rock singer. When the moon is full you can’t tell them apart. She says a werewolf can only be killed with a silver stick, a wooden stake or a Bulgarian cream pie: a stick, a stake or a schtick. Then they meet the very normal Sir Larry Tomlin who is the master of the castle. He is very friendly and offers them a drink but begins showing signs of transforming. He starts attacking Paul and when Carol hits him in the face with a cream pie he collapses. Carol asks for a doctor and the fortune teller tells her there’s an excellent specialist down the road named Dr, Frankenstein.
In 1937 the movie Dead End starred six young roughnecks who stole the picture and started a new series featuring The Dead End Kids, The east Side Kids, and The Bowery Boys. The spoof has Sergeant Krupke alone. He hears whistling, throws his hat down and calls for the punks to show themselves. The six Dead End Kids emerge and start taunting him. They play monkey in the middle with Krupke as they toss his hat around. They sing “Gee Officer Krupke” by Stephen Sondheim and Leonard Bernstein from the 1957 musical West Side Story:
Dear kindly Sergeant Krupke
Ya gotta understand
It's just our bringin' upke
That gets us outta hand
Our mothers all are junkies
Our fathers all are drunks
Golly Moses, naturally we're punks!
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor
My parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana
They won't give me a puff
They didn't wanna have me
But somehow I was had
Leapin' lizards — that's why I'm so bad!
My Daddy beats my Mommy
My Mommy clobbers me
My Grandpa is a Commie
My Grandma pushes tea
My sister wears a mustache
My brother wears a dress
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!
Paul Sand, at the age of 11 started at Viola Spolin’s Children’s Theatre Company. At age 18 he studied mime in Paris with Marcel Marceau and joined his touring mime troupe. He made his TV debut in Shower of Stars in 1955. In 1959 he was an original member of Second City in Chicago. He co-starred in The Mad Show in 1966. He made his film debut in A Great Big Thing in 1968. He won a Tony for his performance in Paul Sills’ Story Theatre in 1971. He was discovered by Mary Tyler Moore and her production company starred him in the short lived sitcom Friends and Lovers in 1974. He co-starred in the sixth season of the sitcom Gimme a Break. He co-starred in The Second Coming of Suzanne, The Great Bank Hoax, and The Main Event.
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