Dave Foley

            On Wednesday after midnight I put fresh carpet tape on the edges of my mattress where it had gotten less sticky. I lint-rolled the curtains between the bedroom and the living room, the top of my bed and the pillow and only picked up one bedbug from the curtains. I shook my sheet and comforter out on the deck. I sat down at the computer to finish posting my blog and fell asleep. I woke up and finished it at 1:45, brushed my teeth and turned the heat on before going to bed at 2:05. I got up to pee at 3:45, turned the heat off, and went back to sleep until 5:00. After yoga I found a couple of bedbugs on the baseboards. 

            I memorized the first verse of “C’est ici (It’s Right Here) by Boris Vian. 

            I worked out the chords for the chorus of “L’île enchanteresses” (The Enchanted Isle) by Serge Gainsbourg. Next is the third verse, which should have the same chords as verses 1 and 2. 

            I weighed 90.2 kilos before breakfast, which is the lightest I’ve been in the morning since October 10. 

            I played my Kramer during song practice and it stayed in tune for all but a couple of songs. 

            I weighed 91.05 kilos before lunch. That’s the kindest I’ve been to the scale in the early afternoon since October 13. I had peanut butter and five-year-old cheddar on saltines with a glass of lemonade.

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 90.75 kilos at 18:10. It’s been three months since I was that light in the evening. 

            I was a little behind on my journal and worked on catching up. 

            I made pizza on a slice of multigrain sandwich bread with marinara, potato wedges, and five-year-old cheddar. I had it with a glass of Creemore lager while watching season 4, episode 3 of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. This is a silly story. 

            The Enterprise officers are over worked and getting uptight. Scotty and Ortega are at each other’s throats and so everyone is ordered to take shore leave for a week on a resort planet where the atmosphere is literally intoxicating and effects everyone differently. 

            Scotty and Ortegas wake up in her room and Scotty is particularly still stoned. Ortegas is wearing a cast. There is no electronic communication on the resort, so Dendru the manager gives them a letter to deliver to Captain Pike. As they look for Pike they run across the various regular crewmembers involved in each their own wacky activities. Una is singing karaoke “Total Eclipse of the Heart” in Klingon. Uhura has totally let her hair down and is having a continuous wild party in her room. Spock, while not outwardly any different says he is hallucinating that James Kirk is in his room and he also thinks Ortega and Scottie are plants. La’an is picking fights in a yoga class. Chapel is playing bingo. Pike is getting a face tattoo. 

            The letter for Pike is that the alien diplomats the Rodaxians who Pike was on the way to meet have decided to come to him two weeks early. 

            Scottie and Ortegas realize they have lost the shuttle. They could use a tricorder to find it but Scottie left his in the shuttle. They borrow Uhura’s but Scottie breaks it. Spock mind melds with a plant and learns the location of the shuttle, which has been stolen by a gang. They take La’an to get it. She fights with the gang and becomes their leader but now she needs a trophy to show her gang that she is not telling Ortegas and Scottie where the shuttle is for free so she takes Scottie’s favourite shirt. The operating chip for the shuttle is missing but it turns out it’s in Ortega’s cast, which is fake as it turns out she has no broken arm. 

            Then Ortegas and Scottie are kidnapped and wake up tied to chairs with bags over their heads. But it turns out they hired the manager of the resort to kidnap them.

            Scottie discovers a bomb on the shuttle that is slightly bigger than a softball but extremely powerful and if he lets go of it the sphere will explode. He volunteers to travel with it in a shuttle where it will explode harmlessly and Spock will try to beam him out at the moment of explosion. Ortegas insists on going with Scottie. They bond and their made up rivalry dissolves into friendship. 

            Spock discovers that Kirk was not a hallucination and that he’s been telling him his deepest secrets. 

            Pike is forced to meet with the Rodaxian diplomats while still wearing a face tattoo and being still slightly stoned. They are insulted by his behaviour until the shuttle explodes outside the window and they think the Enterprise went to great expense to perform a very special ritual that is sacred in their culture. 

            Dendru was played by Dave Foley, who dropped out of high school to do stand-up comedy. He met Kevin McDonald in an improv class at Toronto Second City Training Centre and they formed a comedy team. In 1984 they merged with another comedy team to form Kids in the Hall. He made his TV debut in Anne of Avonlea in 1985. He co-starred on News Radio, Fargo, How To Be a Gentleman, Dr. Ken, He starred on Kids in the Hall from 1988 to 1995, Kids in the Hall: Death Comes to Town, Celebrity Poker Showdown, Thank God You’re Here, Spun Out, Prep and Landing, He made his film debut in High Stakes in 1986. He starred in The Wrong Guy, Monster Brawl, Last Call, Freeloaders, Party Central, Revengeance, A Bug’s Life, Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy. He co-starred in It’s Pat, Hacks, Dick, Swindle, Intern Academy, Netherbeast, Blast from the Past, Postal, Monsters University,