Romantic Literature

            Monday morning was so humid that there were perch perching on the power lines beside the pigeons. Instead of skittering along the power lines the squirrels swam across the street. Instead of streetcars, Toronto Transit had red submarines moving along the tram tracks. The announcers on Radio Canada were gurgling their French. 

9:40 was my enrolment time in courses for U of T. About an hour before that I sat down to look at the calendar to figure out which full English course I wanted to take this year. I only have one specific category of English course left to complete, from which I need to have two full credits. That category is British Literature to the 19^th Century. The one I picked was Poetry and Prose from 1660 to 1800, but when enrolment time came this course didn’t exist, at least this year. I had to do another search and settle on Romantic Literature. That class will meet on Mondays and Wednesdays so I’ll be free for Creative Writing on Thursday nights.

I shaved with one of the new razors and it was one of the closest shaves I’ve had in a long time. I got tired of those razors that I was given at the food banik.

            It rained that afternoon and so I didn’t take a bike ride.

            I practiced singing and playing “Andalusian Dream” three times in the late afternoon and then three more times in the evening until my fingers got tired, but a half hour or so later I did it one more time.

            I roasted a chicken and had a leg with a potato and gravy for dinner while watching two episodes of Dobie Gillis.

            In the first story, Dobie’s 16-year-old cousin, Duncan comes to stay with the Gillises. Duncan is as girl crazy as Dobie and looks to his cousin for advice. Dobie tells him that he has to find out what a girl’s favourite tragedy is and exploit it. Duncan finds out that Clarissa is a fan of a soap opera that features a drunken surgeon and so he tells her that Dobie is an alcoholic. Duncan confesses to Dobie that Clarissa has arranged for a social worker to come and help him. Dobie is ready blow the lid off of Duncan’s lie until he opens the door and sees how attractive his social worker, Donna is. He immediately begins to pretend to be a drunk so she’ll be at his side all the time. The foundation that she works for pays for all their dates. After he is “cured” Dobie and Donna continue to date. But now Clarissa no longer wants Duncan because there is no longer a tragedy in his life and so he tells her that Dobie is a gambler. Donna once again intervenes. Finally it all comes out in the open but Donna and Clarissa decide that the fact that Dobie really is a compulsive liar is worse than drinking or gambling and so they stay with the boys.

            Donna was played by a young Ellen Burstyn.

            In the second story Dobie lies that he is a quarterback to impress a cheerleader. A tough athlete named Roadblock Jahursky warns Dobie that if he ever sees him talking to Lottie Lee again he will beat him to pulp. Dobie joins the team to impress Lottie but he feels safe in that he is a fourth string quarterback who will never set foot in a game. Unfortunately Maynard accidentally gives all three quarterbacks concussions and so Dobie has to play. But as he is helping Dobie put his helmet on he accidentally wrenches Dobie’s neck, so Maynard has to put on the uniform and pretend to be Dobie. The score is 0-0 in the last minute of the game. Maynard turns out to be very good at dodging and running and he has a clear path to the goal line except for Roadblock Jahursky, who thinks that Maynard is Dobie. He is about to take Maynard down but suddenly Maynard calls Roadblock “Shorty”. This word has a bizarre effect on Roadblock and causes him to suddenly freeze and go into a spastic trance. Maynard knocks Roadblock over with his hand and scores the touchdown.