Jessica Makinson

            On Tuesday morning I worked out the chords for the third verse of “La vie grise” (The Grey Life) by Boris Vian. There are two short verses left to work out. 

            I’ve almost finished working out the chords for “Aux enfants de la chance” (To the Children of Chance) by Serge Gainsbourg. There’s really just one line left and then the second verse repeats at the end. 

            I played my Martin acoustic guitar during song practice for the third session of four. The B and high E strings went out of tune a lot. 

            I weighed 86.5 kilos before breakfast. 

            At 11:00 I took my bike next door to Metro Cycle but it turned out they were closed for the holidays until Saturday, January 6. So after tidying up I walked my bike up to Brockton Cyclery and had the guy fix the flat. I told him about the South Park episode in which because of AI the only people that can become billionaires are the people who know how to work with their hands. He said, “That’s me!” I asked him to check my breaks and he found that my front brakes were starting to shave metal off my rim, so I had him replace them. He said if I’d waited any longer I would have needed to replace the rim. He also adjusted my back brakes and altogether it cost me about $65 but I’m back in action again. I asked if he had a washroom I could use and he said he didn’t, then he went to use the washroom he didn’t have. 

            I weighed 87.1 kilos before lunch. 

            In the afternoon I took a bike ride downtown and back. 

            I weighed 86.3 kilos at 17:30. I was caught up on my journal at 18:25. 

            I reviewed my song practice performances of “Joanna” and “Joanna Dances Lightly” from August 9 to 13. On August 9 and 11 I played “Joanna” on my Martin acoustic guitar. On August 9 the take at 20:30 was a bit fast but not bad and it looked good. On August 11 the take at 25:30 was one of the best. I was expressive and looked good. On August 10 and 12 I played “Joanna Dances Lightly” on the acoustic. On August 10 the take at 20:15 was pretty good but on August 12 the light was a bit washed out. On August 13 I played “Joanna” on my Kramer electric guitar and the take in part B at 9:30 was okay though this song doesn’t sound as good on the electric. 

            I continued to search for videos of people falling through the sky but so far I haven’t found what I’m after. 

            I finished scanning box three of my last eight boxes of slides. There are a lot of shots of my daughter at Sunnyside Beach when she was one and a half. There are also some pictures of sculptures of me and a few photographs I took of the streetcar through floating bubbles. 

            I had a potato with gravy and three slices of roast beef while watching the South Park special Not Suitable for Children. 

            There tend to be two stories at the same time and in this case they overlap. 

            The kids are obsessed with a hydration drink called Cred. It comes in a wide variety of flavours, some of which are limited editions. Drinking Cred, especially the latest and rarest types, gives one cred. Meanwhile the teachers learn that one of their colleagues is moonlighting as an Only Fans porn model. A parent-teachers meeting is held and parents are concerned that their children will see the content. The kids however don’t care about that and only care about Cred. When Randy learns that the teacher makes $10,000 a week he decides to become an Only Fans Influencer by uploading videos of himself masturbating. He jerks off for two hours a week anyway and so he just needs to do it four hours a week on video. 

            The only kid in school who doesn’t drink Cred is Craig, whose father and step mother won’t buy it for him because it contains sugar. Craig pretends that he drinks it at school so he doesn’t lose cred. Craig goes to a dealer who sells Cred for $80 a bottle but Craig can’t afford it. The dealer sells him an empty Cred bottle for $3 and he fills it with apple juice. Cartman, Butters and Tweek point out to everyone how cool Craig is but then his ruse is discovered and Cartman, Butters and Tweek lose cred. Craig’s influencer promotes a big Mega Cred sale at the CVS store in Pueblo and so Craig tells Cartman, Butters and Tweek. They all go there but there are thousands of children killing each other to get Cred. 

            Randy’s wife Sharon tells him she should show him how it feels to have one’s spouse masturbating on Only Fans. She threatens to do it too and when he laughs she decides to do it. She starts getting many more subscribers than Randy. He then begins tot masturbate with Cred in his videos and that increases his following. Randy decides to go to the next level and to sell himself out to a sponsor. He goes to an auction where large corporations and even the Chinese, Russian, Ukrainian, and Canadian governments are competing to be sponsors. Other influencers are sold for large sums but no one wants Randy. Then the FBI raid the place and arrest Randy. Randy learns from the feds that his posts have been viewed by miners and has influenced them to make their own pornographic content. They show Randy what are really 19th Century photos of miners that look like they’ve been photoshopped to show their erect penises coming out of their pants. Randy is sickened by what he has done and agrees to cooperate. 

            The boys go to see Craig’s influencer. He says he doesn’t even drink Cred and it has nothing to do with Cred. Cred is just a means of a sponsor influencing kids. He tries to name his sponsor but is shot and killed before he can say anything. Craig learns that it’s his stepmother Janet who was behind his influencer because she was trying to connect with him. He asks her if he can call her “Mom” and then says, “Fuck you mom!” Janet is happy he’s finally called her “Mom”. 

            The voice of Vice Principal Strongwoman and some other characters on South Park are done by Jessica Makinson. She graduated from Arizona State University with a BA in Theatre and then began to teach improv there. She moved to LA and studied at Improv Olympic. She became a player in several improv groups. She contributed sketches and characters to Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Furguson, and Showtime’s Underground. She co-starred on Trigger Happy TV and then Joe Schmo. She starred in the short-lived series Halfway Home.