On Thursday morning I finished working out the chords to “Calypso Blues” by Boris Vian but I still have to run through it. I also finished the chords for “Betty Jane Rose" by Serge Gainsbourg, went through it in French and English and uploaded it to Christian’s Translations to begin editing it for blog publication.
One thing about my old Epi guitar is that my fingers fit it and I have no problem forming an A chord like I do for the Oscar Schmidt and the Washburn. I think that even if I buy a new guitar I’m going to get the Epi repaired when the pandemic is over. I see now when comparing it to the two guitars I’ve bought since that the Epi is too good a guitar to let it turn to garbage.
In the late morning I took a bike ride. My neighbour Benji was outside the building when I left. On the way up Brock I found a box containing a few things being thrown out. I took a copy of Margaret Atwood’s Bodily Harm, a handled crinkle cutter and some kind of hand tool with a hooked blade and a wooden handle. I don’t know what it is but it looks like an antique. I forgot to mention that last week I found Christopher Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus.
I rode to Yonge and Bloor and on the way back I stopped at Freshco. They only had four bags left of the seedless red grapes, so I took those. The green grapes were on sale and so I got four bags of those as well. I also bought a half pint of blueberries, two half pints of raspberries, a bag of naan, two whole chickens for about $10 together, a bag of kettle chips, some five year old cheddar, three bags of milk, two cans of peach slices, hot salsa, two large boxes of baking soda, and a pack of garbage bags. They always have the weirdest deals on Irish Spring soap. They mark a pack of three bars as being on sale for $3 while the regular price of a pack of two bars is $1.50. I took two packs of two and got an extra bar for the sale price.
Supposedly I weighed 87.7 kilos before my late lunch. That would be a whole kilo dropped in a day. I had kettle chips, salsa and skyr with a glass of orange juice.
I laid down for a siesta half an hour later than usual and ended up sleeping for an extra forty five minutes. I felt guilty for sleeping so long but really my body needed the sleep and took it so I shouldn't feel bad.
I worked on my poem series “My Blood in a Bug."
At 17:45 I weighed 88.7 kilos. That makes more sense than the weight the scale registered before lunch.
I worked on intermixing the lightning and snake videos I edited. I cut bits of snake footage and pasted them between lightning strikes. There is at least one dead space in the lightning parts where there is just horizon and no lightning. I wanted to cut that out but Movie Maker got tired and kept freezing so I had to restart it several times. It would freeze again just as a result of trying to find the section that I wanted to delete. Since I'd already accomplished my main goal of mixing the two videos I gave up on the other thing for today. There are a few seconds of the snake video left that I'll probably intermix with the movie I plan to make of moving electric cords.
I weighed 88.5 kilos before dinner. I had a potato and two slices of roast beef with gravy while watching Andy Griffith.
In the first story tomorrow is Thelma Lou’s birthday and Barney comes across a guy selling things out of his trunk. Newton Monroe has sold Goober a transistor radio and Floyd a watch. He sells Barney a fur that still looks like the animal for $13.50. When Andy hears the price of the gift Barney has given to Thelma Lou he thinks it must be stolen property. Later Goober and Floyd complain that the things they bought are malfunctioning and Thelma Lou says the fur is coming out in bunches. Andy and Barney go to Newton and find out he has a bill of sale for the items he’s selling but that he has no peddler’s license. He is told to clear out but when he is caught selling again he is booked. For the first time on this show, instead of just having the prisoner spend time in a cell, Barney forces Newton to work, but Newton turns out to be very unlucky. When Barney makes him dig a hole to plant a tree he breaks a water main. When he gets him to clean the furnace he makes it worse. Andy tries to help Newton out by giving him a job painting his porch but he does a terrible job. To help build Newton's confidence Andy finishes the job properly and makes Newton believe it’s his work. but then Newton thinks he can be a painter and tries to paint the courthouse for free, making a mess. Finally Andy gets Newton a job a store in another town. Newton sends a pencil sharpener to Barney and an electric razor to Andy in appreciation. Barney tries out Andy’s razor and it grabs his face.
Newton was played by the great Don Rickles, who worked as a stand-up comic in nightclubs for twenty years before making his first movie, “Run Silent Run Deep" in 1958. After that he starred in "The Man With the X-Ray Eyes", “Kelly's Heroes" and “Enter Laughing". He became a household name to TV audiences as a stand-up in the seventies when he started appearing on Dean Martin and Johnny Carson. He played Mr Potato Head in Toy Story.
In the second story Helen tells Andy that Opie is doing poorly in arithmetic. Andy tries to help him but is not knowledgeable enough. He decides to push Opie to study more and play football less. This causes Opie so much stress that he begins to do worse. Finally Helen sets Andy straight that there’s got to be a balance. Andy eases up on Opie and he begins to get better marks.
On Tuesday I didn't have to be at work until noon and so I went up to the supermarket first to get some stuff. Nancy had asked me to buy her a Bounty bar and so I picked up a Rum and Butter for myself as well.
I was about to leave for work when Wayne called to tell me to be there an hour later. So I worked on a project for a while before heading out.
It was a short job downtown at the Solicitor General's office at 90 Harbour Street and we were done by 16:30.
When I got home Nancy was still there. She told me that she'd eaten my Rum and Butter bar. At first I accepted it because she was pregnant and had cravings but when I mentioned that I didn't have a lot of money for things like that she said, "Them's the breaks."
On Wednesday morning I think I worked out all the chords for “Betty Jane Rose" by Serge Gainsbourg, but I still have to run through it to make sure.
I weighed 88.7 kilos before breakfast. I had a piece of cinnamon-raisin toast and spoon size shredded wheat with strawberries, honey and milk.
In the late morning I tackled scrubbing and scraping the inside of my oven door for a seventh time. This time I got the window three quarters clear. I’ll give it another try on Friday and if it’s not completed then I should have it done on Sunday.
I filled out the Canada Census that I received notice of yesterday. It took me half an hour.
I weighed 88.7 kilos before lunch. That means I worked off my breakfast exactly.
Before taking a bike ride I went over to the liquor store to get my bi-weekly six pack of Creemore. On the way back I saw Dawn from Bike Pirates. Her left arm was in a sling and she explained that her bicycle had thrown and kicked her. She said there was no car involved this time and it was all her own fault. She told me she was healing though.
As I was leaving my place with my bike the tall, friendly Indigenous guy whom I’ve seen around Parkdale for years was standing with his bike outside Popeyes. He saw me come out and asked, “You live there?" I nodded. He asked if I smoked and I said I don’t and then he asked if I could give him $2 for cigarettes. I reached down and dug out a toonie. I told him he was the first person I’d given change to in years and so he should consider it a compliment. He thanked me and went to buy his cigarettes.
I weighed 88 kilos after my bike ride to Yonge and Bloor and back, but before I weigh myself I always make sure the scale is on a part of the floor where my 4.5 kilo dumbbell registers that weight. I noticed however that the dumbbell’s weight registers differently by a tenth of a kilo more or less on different parts of the scale.
I worked on my poem series “My Blood in a Bug".
I edited the snake footage from the National Geographic video down to just nine seconds. But then when I added the snake pit scene from Indiana Jones and cut out all the people I saw that it was darker, more sinister looking and more suitable for the mood I want in my Instructions for Electroshock Therapy video. The Manitoba snakes were all filmed in daylight and it was too bright, so I deleted the whole National Geographic video. I'm left now with about four seconds of lightning and sixteen seconds of snakes. Next I'll experiment with inserting the snakes in between lightning flashes. An added benefit is that the snakes are illuminated by a flickering light that might look in my video like they are being lit by the lightning.
I heard Benji and Shankar talking in the hallway and remembered how Benji had said he had to do his census on paper. I decided to offer him my laptop in case he wanted to do it online. I opened the door and started singing to them, “It’s a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, it's a beautiful day if a neighbour" then I turned to Benji and asked, "Would you be mine" and then to Shankar, "Could you be mine?" When I asked about his census he said he’d already called them about sending him a paper census so he couldn’t do it online now. Shankar said he saw a ghost go into my place and it was a white lady.
I made two beef burgers and had one for dinner between two halves of a piece of toast with a beer while watching two episodes of Andy Griffith.
The first story followed a similar theme to an episode from a couple of seasons before. Clara convinces Bee that she is holding Andy and Helen back from deciding to get married by having them worried about her being alone. To prevent them from asking her to join them she pretends that she has a boyfriend. When Andy presses for the man’s identity Bee lies that it's her butter and egg man, Orville Hendricks from Mount Pilot. But later Barney finds out that Hendricks is married and so Andy becomes concerned. He goes over to talk with Hendricks and tells him about the rumour. Hendricks assures him there is nothing going on and since he doesn’t want his wife to hear such a rumour he decides to stop delivering to Bee. Andy has a talk with Bee and assures her that she is not a third wheel and that even if he and Helen get married Bee will be living with them. A new butter and egg man comes to the door who is not married.
In the second story a car speeds through Mayberry and so Andy and Barney go after it. But when they pull it over they discover that it’s the Fun Girls, Skippy and Daphne from Mount Pilot and they've deliberately broken the speed limit to get their attention. They are able to get rid of them by taking them to the town line. Andy and Barney have to work late but plan on meeting Helen and Thelma Lou later. But just as they are about to leave to meet their girlfriends the Fun Girls show up with a picnic basket and music. Andy leaves Barney with the Fun Girls and Andy goes to meet Helen and Thelma Lou, telling them that they have to spend the night at the courthouse because state prisoners have been brought in. Meanwhile Skippy and Daphne want to play jail and so Barney locks them up. When Andy comes back the girls want to dance. The guys are trying to resist when Helen and Thelma Lou walk in and see them all together. The girlfriends storm out and finally Andy puts his foot down and tells the Fun Girls they have to leave. After some work Andy almost patches things up with Helen and Barney with Thelma Lou. They invite them for dinner at Andy's place but when they get there Skippy and Daphne are in the house saying that they forgive them and are ready to party. Helen and Thelma Lou leave angry again.
I got up on Monday between 10:30 and 11:00. I went to the supermarket for butter and when I came back I had coffee, toast and cereal for breakfast.
I puttered around all day cleaning up and working on projects including that collage.
Foreplay Magazine came in the mail and the stories I sent them were published but not in my name. One was by "Jack in Toronto" and the other was by "Norm in Hamilton." I was really pissed off. I left a message for Beth that if they wanted to run any more of my stuff they would have to use my real name and also would need to issue a short note indication that my previous submissions were not by Jack and Norm but by me.
Nancy came over at around 18:00 and we went for a walk.
On Tuesday morning I used my twenty five year old Epi guitar for song practice for the first time in a long time. Although I wiped the strings with a cloth before playing them my left hand fingertips were still black from playing chords on the old strings. It's weird that it goes out of tune on the B string during every song like my other two guitars but not as much, despite the fact that it hasn’t been humidified through the blasting heat and dryness of several winters in this apartment. It's clearly a better guitar than both the Oscar Schmidt and the Washburn and none of the machinery has ever malfunctioned.
I worked out the chords for the first verse and the beginning of the chorus for "Betty Jane Rose" by Serge Gainsbourg. I should have it done on Wednesday.
I weighed 88.9 kilos before breakfast.
I got an email from Albert Moritz telling me that he has time now to help me to prepare my poetry manuscript "Paranoiac Utopia" for publication. I misunderstood a previous message that I interpreted as meaning that he would never have time. He seemed to mean for me to do as much self editing of small errors as I could until he was free. He thinks we could have it ready to show to Michael Callaghan of Exile Press within a few weeks at most. I haven’t done any revisions of the manuscript since the ones I sent to him on December of 2019 other than of the opening poem “Junkshop Bizarre", which is the only one he'd previously offered suggestions for and so I sent that one to him this morning.
After shaving and showering I didn't have time to do a seventh attempt at cleaning the inside of my oven door. I should have time however tomorrow and Friday.
I worked on my poem series “My Blood in a Bug.”
I weighed 88.7 kilos before lunch.
In the afternoon I took a bike ride to Yonge and Bloor. When I got back Benji was standing outside of our building and I started singing, “We stand on guard for thee.” I told him that I've put my name down at the Vina Pharmacy to get the covid vaccine. He complained that it should be as available as the flu vaccine. It will be.
I weighed 88.2 kilos after my bike ride.
I cut the video of the lightning footage to just under four seconds. Then I added to the end of it the National Geographic video about the snakes in Manitoba and started cutting out the parts that show people or anything else other than masses of snakes close up. I’ll edit some more tomorrow.
I weighed 88.4 kilos before dinner. Did that mango really weigh two tenths of a kilo?
I colourized a bit more of my skateboarder photo from the 80s.
I had a potato, a slice of roast beef and gravy for dinner while watching two episodes of Andy Griffith.
In the first story Andy and Barney are going through old case files from before they had their jobs. They find the first arrest of Otis for public drunkenness in 1941. Then they find a case of assault between Floyd the barber and Foley the grocer. When Barney sees that the case was never resolved Andy tells him to let it go. But Barney is obsessed with following proper legal procedure. He goes to interview Floyd and Foley and also Goober, who was a five year old witness at the time of the altercation. But in not leaving well enough alone Barney stirs up a hornets nest of forgotten memories. Foley gets punched in the nose again by Floyd, Floyd gets punched in the nose by Otis, who is a distant relative of Foley; Goober punches Gilley and even Opie gets into a fight at school as everyone starts to take sides. Finally Andy sits Floyd and Foley down, reminds them that they are friends and gets them to shake hands. In the end when Barney still won’t let it go Floyd punches him in the nose.
In the second story Opie and his friend Howie have put out a one page class paper for three cents but they aren’t selling. Andy and Barney advise Opie that in order to sell papers to adults they have to find adult stories like in the big paper. Opie and Howie decide to look for gossip like what appears in Mayberry After Dark. But instead of being subtle and only printing people’s initials they quote what they hear people say about others and use everyone's full names. Examples are that Bee Taylor says Mrs Foster’s chicken a la king tastes like cardboard, Sheriff Taylor says that the local minister's sermons are dry as dust, and Barney Fife says that Sue Grigsby is a bottle blond. When Andy, Bee and Barney read the paper the boys have printed they realize they have to gather every copy before anyone reads them. Bee comes to get Mrs Foster’s copy from her mailbox but Mrs Foster asks why she’s there. Bee has to say that she came for her chicken a la king recipe. So she has to agree to come over for dinner. Andy tries to get the preacher’s copy but the reverend got to it first and blackmails Andy into teaching Sunday school for a month of Sundays. Barney gets caught by jealous tough guy Harold Grimsby on his lawn and Harold thinks he’s trying to make time with his wife. They manage to gather all the papers but then Opie says they had so much gossip that they printed next week’s issue but then they threw it away. In the end Andy, Bee and Barney go to the dump to destroy the second issue but to read it first.
Mrs Foster was played by Irene Tedrow, who had a six decade career in acting. She played Mrs Janet Archer on the popular radio program “Meet Corliss Archer" and also when the show was on TV for one season.
Sue Grimsby was played by Vici Raaf, who was a regular on The Red Skelton Hour.
I got up at around 11:00 on Sunday. Nancy seemed to want sex but didn't want to give in to the urge. We had breakfast at 13:00 and then headed up to her parents' place. They were away. We played with the cat and let it outside. Nancy showed me a book by natural healing guru Hanna Kroeger.
We explored the basement and I found The Complete Works of the Marquis de Sade, though I doubted they'd read it. They used to own an apartment building and just collected all of the things tenants had left behind. Nancy's parents could make a fortune from a lawn sale of all the stuff it their basement but it would never happen because her mother was a pack rat.
We went to the plaza and rented "Miami Blues".
Nancy showed me some of the photos that her sister Susan took of us. One of me was perhaps the best I'd seen and I wanted to use it to send to women. I also wanted a copy of the sexy one that she took of Nancy.
On Monday morning I worked out the chords for the second verse of “Calypso Blues” by Boris Vian. I think the rest of the chords just repeat those of the first two verses, but I still have to position them.
I finished memorizing “Betty Jane Rose" by Serge Gainsbourg in the last second that I'd allotted for doing so for today. I'll look for the chords for this punk rock song tomorrow but I’ll probably have to work them out myself.
During song practice my high E string broke but I was four fifths of the way through and was able to get by without that string.
I weighed 89.3 kilos before breakfast.
In the late morning I decided to change my E string and since my G string has gotten frayed I changed that as well. But I loosened my low E, my A and my D strings so I could reach inside my guitar and push the G string peg out and when I tried to tune my A machine stripped and now it won’t tune. I’ll have to use my old Epi until I get the Washburn back. Why is it that in 25 years I never had a problem with the machinery of the Epi but my two most recent guitars have had failed machines several times?
I made the sixth attempt to scrub and scrape clean the inside of my oven door. I got about two thirds of the window done. I'm hoping another two sessions will do the trick.
I filled out a form to get an appointment at my local pharmacy to get the covid vaccine. They’ll contact me when an opening is available and I put myself down as able to come at the last minute.
I weighed 88.4 kilos before lunch. I had kettle chips, salsa, yogourt and orange juice.
It was raining in the afternoon and so I didn’t take a bike ride. Instead I did some hip exercises while listening to the Goon Show episode from September 28, 1954: The Whistling Spy Enigma:
Greenslade: The Goons and myself after a successful season of unemployment, return to the air for a long series of one.
Hern (American accent): The crimes you are about to hear have all been specially committed for this programme. Here to tell you a story with the aid of smoke-glass ear-trumpet and reconditioned head is Captain Hairy Seagoon.
Seagoon: I remember when it all started. At the time I was asleep in my electrified elephant hammock, when through the pigeon hole flew a carrier pigeon. There was something strapped to it's leg - it was a postman. The letter was written in a disguised voice. Hurriedly strapping on a fresh pigeon I flew out of the window.
I went to see the fabulous Lance-Brigadier Hercules Grytpype-Thynne. Gad, how cunningly he was disguised! Stark naked, save for a sou' wester, string lunettes and a pair of identical plimsolls.
Grytpype: You are to make your way to Hungary via Budapest.
Seagoon: Will I have to go abroad?
Grytpype: If all else fails, yes. During the last 18 months you may have noticed that throughout the civilised world, and America, British prestige has fallen very low. And do you know why?
Seagoon: Yes. I don't know why.
Grytpype: One thing killed Britain, and that was our defeat by the Hungarian football team. Before they play us again we must make absolutely sure they don't win. This is Operation Explodable Boot. You will make your way to Budapest. Once there you will contact our British agent X.
Seagoon: How do I contact him?
Grytpype: By whistling a highly skilled mysterious secret tune. The moment he hears it he'll hand you a sealed envelope.
Seagoon: But the secret tune?
Grytpype: It goes like this: [whistles the Hungarian Rhapsody]
Seagoon: Wait! That's the Hungarian Rhapsody. What's secret about that?
Grytpype: I was whistling it in English!
Seagoon: I can't whistle.
Grytpype: Send in our highly skilled mysterious whistling espionage agent.
Seagoon: You mean you'll send a man with me that can do all my highly skilled mysterious secret whistling?
Max Geldray and Orchestra: play 'When you're smiling'
Grytpype: I've just been on the phonograph to HQ. You are to collect a new highly skilled mysterious whistling tune direct from our own highly skilled mysterious piano composer. Eccles knows him well.
(At the address)
Seagoon: Mr. Crun, sir, open this door at once!
Crun: I can't, it's locked, and the key's lost. Try the window that's open.
Seagoon: The window's locked as well.
Crun: It's open.
Seagoon: It's locked. Come out and see for yourself!
FX: [Door opened and shut]
Crun: You're right, the window is locked. What a state of affairs, the window and the door. Well, never mind. You've come for the new highly skilled mysterious whistling tune, haven't you?
Seagoon: Crun, we've got to find Hungary at once
Crun: But I haven't taught Eccles the tune!
Seagoon: You'll have to come with us.
Crun: Tell me, is it very far to Hungary?
Seagoon: Yes!
Crun: Then why do we keep galloping round and round this blasted room?
Ray Ellington and his Quartet play 'ABC's with rhythm and ease'
Seagoon: Major Dennis Bloodnok? My card!
Bloodnok: It's blank.
Seagoon: I'm keeping my identity a secret. But I'll tell you my name.
I'd like to stay the week here if possible. What do you say?
Bloodnok: Twelve and six a day, food extra.
Seagoon: Your charging me, an Englishman, to stay at the British Embassy?
Bloodnok: It's the holiday season. They charge twice as much at Blackpool.
Seagoon: I'm not here on holiday, I'm here on a dangerous mission.
Bloodnok: You mean you might get killed?
Seagoon: Yes.
Bloodnok: Oh well, that's different. Well, under the circumstances, I must ask for the rent in advance.
Seagoon: I've never been so insulted in all my life!
Bloodnok: Come now, with a face like that? You must have been!
Seagoon: Shhhh! Can you hear those highly skilled mysterious footsteps? It must be a highly skilled mysterious enemy!
Bloodnok: Of course. The moment he enters the room strike him down with something.
Seagoon: Right. Hand me that piano.
Bloodnok: That's no good, it's out of tune.
Seagoon: Hand me that 600 foot factory chimney in the corner!
Bloodnok: Not that, it's my last one!
Seagoon: Shh, shh. The highly skilled whistling tune. It must be the noble Eccles.
Moriarty: Ah, Captain Seagoon. Hands up!
Bloodnok: It’s Villion De La Prickon Moriarty nay Smith, head of the dreaded highly skilled mysterious anti-whistling Hungarian counter espionage agents!
Moriarty: Now, what is the highly skilled mysterious whistling tune? I must know!
Seagoon: I won't tell!
Moriarty: I warn you! I will count up to a highly skilled 40,000 and then I'll shoot!
Seagoon: 40,000?
Moriarty: Yes, I've to go home for my gun.
Seagoon: When I saw that he was a dwarf I was all for attacking him right away, but Bloodnok stopped me.
Bloodnok: No, wait 'til he gets older.
Seagoon: Finally, on his ninety-third birthday, we sprang.
[Telephone rings, and is picked up]
Seagoon: Hello?
Moriarty: Seagoon?
Seagoon: Yes?
Moriarty: I just thought I'd tell you I've been home for the last two hours.
Seagoon: Then who's this we've been battering on the bonce?
Eccles: I've been wondering when you were going to ask that.
Seagoon: Eccles, my poor, poor Eccles!
Eccles: How do you recognise me?
Seagoon: Who else wears a reconditioned head?
Seagoon: Where the devil can the highly skilled British agent be?
Seagoon: But you look exactly the same without them!
Bluebottle: I know, I was disguised as myself!
Seagoon: What are the secret orders?
Bluebottle: You are to follow me to the football stadium. There we are to insert the dreaded dynamite into the football boots of every Hungarian player. And, when they kick the ball, aieeee-hey-hey!
Seagoon: In here, lads. This is their changing room. Now, those must be their boots. Now, insert the dynamite in the toecaps.
Bluebottle: Right, here Eccles. Hold these three red sticks of dynamite.
Eccles: Wait a moment, one of them is a stick of Blackpool Rock.
[Explosion]
Bluebottle: You rotten swine, you! While I was laughing you dropped a stick of dynamite down my trousers! Oh, I'm expos-ed. Aiiigh! Moves left, places scout hat over shattered area.
Seagoon: Ah, Bloodnok. Switch on the radio, quick.
Bloodnok: Right, the match has just started.
Sports Commentator: And the teams are just coming on to the field now, Hungary versus England. The match was nearly called off because the British team forgot to bring their football boots, but the Hungarians sportingly gave them theirs.
I weighed 89 kilos at 18:00. It’s usually less at this time than before lunch, but maybe it’s because I didn’t take a bike ride.
I worked on my poem series “My Blood in a Bug".
I worked on cutting more unwanted footage from the lightning video. I got it from 19.5 seconds down to 5 seconds and saved the project. Then I cut another second off but Movie Maker started behaving weird so that whenever I clicked the timeline it left a black stripe. I didn’t know what that meant and so I just closed without saving the changes over the last second of cutting. I don't think I'll be cutting much more once I get it back down to 4 seconds.
I rubbed a beef sirloin tip with olive oil, salt, pepper, rosemary and a garlic pepper with herbs mixture and roasted it.
I weighed 89.3 kilos before dinner.
I had a couple of slices from the end of the roast, a potato and gravy while watching two episodes of Andy Griffith.
In the first story an article about Andy being the sheriff without a gun appears in a national law enforcement magazine. Then he gets a letter from some TV people who’d read the article and are interested in doing a TV show based on an unarmed sheriff. Writer Allen Harvey and production assistant Pat Blake come to talk to Andy and then to look around. When Harvey is sure that a TV show could be made he brings in his producer, Gilbert Jamel. Pat is a very attractive woman and she flirts with Andy. They decide that the first story they want to do is a bank robbery and Barney takes them to show them around the bank. Andy invites them to his house for dinner and after they leave they find Gilbert has forgotten his hat. Barney says he’ll take it to their hotel but on the way he sees a flashlight moving around in the bank. He enters and finds the TV people there but they convince him that they are just doing a rehearsal. Gilbert says he’d like Barney to be in the show and asks him to walk out of the bank with a bag he hands him. Andy arrives and stops him at the door, looks in the bag and sees a lot of money. He was on to them because of all the questions they’d been asking about the bank and about when Andy and Barney go to bed. Gilbert reminds Andy that he’s a sheriff without a gun while they have guns but Andy points to the squad car where Goober and Floyd have shotguns pointed at the bank.
Barbara Stuart, who normally plays Skippy the fun girl on the show was barely recognizable as Pat.
In the second story a family friend Bee who has had a break up with her boyfriend comes to stay at Andy's place for a while. Andy has never met Gloria but Bee tells him he should make her feel at home. Andy says he doesn't understand why when people try To get away from the place where they live do the people they visit try to make them feel at home. Gloria is very attractive and so Helen gets jealous when Andy invites her along on their dates to try to make her feel better. When Helen goes home from a date mad and later Gloria kisses Andy, he knows he has to do something. He brings Gloria’s boyfriend Frank to Mayberry and Gloria runs to his arms.
Gloria was played by Jan Shutan, whose career started after winning Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts. She is best known for her appearance on one episode of Star Trek, The Lights of Zetar, in which she plays a love interest of Scotty.
